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00:00Previously on Suddenly Amish.
00:02People are leaving the Amish community.
00:08I will be inviting English people into our community
00:11in hopes of repopulating the church.
00:14I've always been interested in the Amish community.
00:17The Amish way of doing things just makes more sense to me.
00:21You'll need to integrate into the Amish community.
00:26It will be your jobs to disciple them, to prepare them.
00:31I do not have a good standing in my community right now.
00:33I am shunned.
00:35By helping me, I'm offering James a chance at redemption.
00:38I don't expect these English to last more than a couple of days.
00:42It is our responsibility to teach them what's right and what's wrong.
00:47I am escorting you off the property.
00:49He's chasing me with an axe.
00:51If I'm not strict enough, I might be the one paying the price.
00:54You're an English guy trying to drag off her Amish ladies.
00:58BJ says Kendra and Matt went off to a motel.
01:01I need to go find them.
01:03James is very unhinged.
01:05This community is not for me. I'm not here.
01:07I'm going home. I'm leaving.
01:09We're like dropping like flies here.
01:12My name is Judah.
01:13Yeah.
01:14And I am bi.
01:15I'm scared.
01:17I don't think that the Amish accepts anybody in the LGBT community.
01:21I'm going to just keep my little secrets to myself.
01:23My hearing aids are controlled by this.
01:26I'm going to have to take your phone now.
01:27If he takes my hearing aids away, that messes with my head.
01:31Welcome to the Amish.
01:32The hardest part for me is the heat.
01:36I feel like I'm dying.
01:37I studied, got my masters.
01:39It's like now holding a broom to sweep floors with such a step down.
01:47Reckoning day is tomorrow.
01:50Tomorrow is a big day.
01:51At that time, the church will decide whether they can continue pursuing membership in the Amish church.
01:58I'm really concerned with the Amish dance against the LGBTQ community.
02:05I don't know if I'm ready yet to tell Allen and James that I'm bi, but I feel like I
02:10either talk to them about my sexuality now or it will never happen.
02:14My thing is this.
02:40Can I hear in the headphones what that sounded like?
02:47Okay.
02:53Don't know if I'm wrong, don't know if I'm right.
02:56Following the signs, chasing peace of mind.
02:59Running from the time, running from my mind.
03:01I've been trying to find, I've been trying to find me.
03:07Okay, keep that and then let me do it again.
03:10The song is going to be called, the song is going to be called Trying to Find Me.
03:15What's the inspiration for this?
03:16Just trying to find myself through everything that's going on in the way.
03:23I feel drained.
03:28I don't feel like my potential is being used.
03:33Like, who am I?
03:34What is this world?
03:36Who am I in it?
03:39My sexuality shouldn't label me.
03:42Why do I have to put up a front or be somebody different?
03:48My biggest fear is if the Amish will accept me for who I really am.
03:58It'd be crazy.
04:00I know God got my back.
04:11So, if I were gay, then I would not be able to be a part of the community.
04:16Is that what you're saying?
04:26My thing is this.
04:35I'm bisexual.
04:40I mean, honestly, with me and my journey, I've been through so much of my life,
04:45where I've hidden myself from my mom, from my family,
04:49but I've been safe enough to be here and be myself around these people.
04:53I'm not going to do that.
04:57Him dropping this bomb, especially right before Reckoning Day,
05:01is very brave of him, I think.
05:03So, if the Amish community cannot accept me because of me being bi,
05:09then this is just not a community that I'm going to be a part of respectfully.
05:12With Judah coming out and saying that he's bisexual, it was shocking.
05:20Right now, I'm kind of torn because in the Old Testament,
05:24God clearly stated one man and one woman in marriage.
05:29The Bible says it's a sin for a man to lay with a man.
05:35It's definitely an area of concern.
05:38When Judah said that he was bisexual in the dinner table,
05:42Ty was worried a little bit because he's going to have to go in front of the fish.
05:48I don't know.
05:49I came to this talk really ready to join the community,
05:53but now I'm just like, do I really want to keep hiding who I am?
06:12Thank you for asking.
06:14Have a great day, honey.
06:19Bye.
06:20Bye.
06:22Bye.
06:22Bye.
06:23Bye.
06:28today is reckoning day this is something that i've always wanted so badly
06:38and the more i think about it the more i really don't know
06:46i can't think about just me it's also my family and it's a lot
07:04today is reckoning day james and i will be going in front of the bishop and making a case
07:11as to why we think the english that are still with us would or would not be a good fit
07:18for
07:21our community sarah and i we did pray about this and i really don't know what i'm going
07:27to say about each one i would be lying if i if i said i wasn't tossing the turn in
07:33the
07:34entire night just thinking about okay do i want do i not want what's he going to say how
07:38would this go this day is the day that everything changes for me i'm just so sad because i've
07:46created all these bonds with everybody and to see this about to come to an end my heart's
07:51kind of broken and we're all going to have to make a decision do we want to be a part
07:55of
07:56an amish community or do we want to go back to how we were before
08:04even if the congregation agrees to let us stay we still have to make that decision for ourselves
08:11so it's not the decision that the amish are going to make about me
08:14it's really the decision i have to make about them
08:26in order to become amish members it would be a two to three year time span
08:34and in that time you would be expected to be a part of the community projects that go on
08:41you would be expected to understand and experience the dutch dialect and at the end of this process
08:53there would be a six month's time of discipleship where you would examine the foundational principles
09:02of what the amish believe about the bible and then if you agree to that you would be expected to
09:09have an adult baptism and pronounce you a member of the church
09:19the bishop brought together a select group of members to help us make decisions about these
09:25english people i worry these english aren't ready to continue their journey here in the amish community
09:32if we don't accomplish anything from this mission there's less chance of me falling in the good graces
09:38of the bishop and becoming unshunned
09:50it's stressful it's overwhelming there's rows and rows of people from all over the community
09:59and depending on your decision this could be the community that you're joining
10:04i know that i am being watched
10:13the uncertainty is a nightmare
10:19we're gathered here for this special service for the future of our church
10:29god has sent six non-amish people in our midst
10:36who wish to join our community
10:42four remain
10:46it's a decision for life
10:52everybody's petrified
10:54this is it the moment of truth
11:15i know that she's been obsessed with the amish for a long time
11:20but i didn't really until the last few years realize that she would like to be amish
11:29we are very close it's a little scary that i might not be able to see her but
11:34i want her to be happy
11:36if the amish rejected her i would feel terrible for her
11:47it's a decision for life
11:55at the end of this service i will ask the congregation to nod their heads
12:00if they agree to allow these candidates to continue with us
12:04you may remain silent if you dissent
12:08alan and james
12:10you've been house parents here
12:12i would like to hear from you
12:14what you've observed and what your recommendations are
12:18and we as a congregation will then make a decision
12:23at this time
12:24rise and share what you have to share
12:31the air feels so thick right now
12:34i'm anxious because i just came out to my amish family
12:37i don't know if alan's gonna have my back
12:40i don't know what's gonna go on
12:45i'll start with billy joe
12:49we've seen some growth in cooking
12:52house sleeping
12:53and so forth
12:56esmeralda
12:58she had a hard time to give up the items that she loved
13:04but she understands she conformed
13:09erin has been very cooperative
13:12we've seen some community efforts
13:14helping out on the farm
13:18so yeah i've been very impressed with erin
13:22judah he was scared of animals but he's been helping out on the farm
13:27feeding the animals and catching fish
13:29yeah that was great
13:35so one question i would have for you is
13:38do you have any recommendations
13:40things that you would like to see them work on
13:52judah has is
14:03maybe something they
14:05you wish they would change
14:12judah
14:15to me you're like a son
14:19and i hope we can be a blessing to each other
14:22and to the people around us
14:29from for my part
14:31i'd be ready to move forward and give these gentlemen and ladies an opportunity if they desire so
14:44good
14:49when judah said that he was bisexual in the dinner table i wasn't too sure about what's going to happen
14:57but as a person i don't think i'm going to look at judah any different way than i did before
15:06honestly like alan almost brought me to tears because no matter what you know the amish rules are
15:12he accepts me he loves me he cares for me and he knows my heart
15:17scripture states that one man and one woman in marriage but being honest with myself
15:25i saw more growth in judah than probably any of the others and kind of made my decision on his
15:33growth
15:34it was really brave of alan to accept judah and look past the rules
15:40but i have no idea how james is going to react to this thank you alan
15:48james what would you have to say
15:51i sense your opinion may be different
15:56well i don't know um i don't know what's about to come out of his mouth i mean since day
16:02one
16:03he chased somebody out the house with her ex
16:05he's just a wild card who knows what james is gonna do
16:10a lot of them have ties back into their worldly lives vj likes her ac
16:19happy she came dressed amish but i don't think she can do without her modern conveniences
16:25as esmeralda has one foot in one foot out a girly girl sorry aaron has definitely integrated
16:34very well in a lot of ways but he still struggles with the hearing aid thing
16:39for james to stand up give testimony to the community and give testimony to the bishop
16:46and say that even though he knows and he watched me he mentored me
16:53that really hurt i feel like james hasn't really seen just like the changes i made to him it's so
17:02like superficial that he doesn't think that it's growth so it kind of feels like okay like okay cool
17:08like he's not proud of me but i'm proud of myself so we're down to judah
17:21judah has probably questioned the most
17:26what do you actually want from what
17:32do you want the amish life or not
17:41i love it here and i'm having a great time i met some amazing people and i'm super grateful for
17:47that
17:50i'm
17:51kind of the main concern i had with judah is certain ways he wants to be creative that the amish
17:56don't
17:57believe in being creative in
18:01bishop if i may
18:04i just want to be able to share the word of god it's all i want to do
18:13judah
18:15he's looking for more individuality i would like to encourage us
18:21to accept judah where he's at today i would like to encourage judah to continue growing i think you
18:29would find some acceptance as you continue to grow and i would just like to encourage the congregation
18:39on that point just to be more accepting more loving more gracious
18:47i think james has been quite strict with them
18:51losing matt kendra and emma is an example of this
18:56but that is for a later discussion
19:00it looks like the bishop and i need to have a conversation
19:05i don't think he fully realizes how much effort i put into this
19:09when we talk about the experience with matt and kendra there's principles
19:15the choices we make bring consequences and james didn't care
19:22i'm trying to be unsung by my church the bishop kind of has the final say so and if
19:28he has a bad impression of me i'm not i'm not in a good position
19:36at this time could each of you in turn stand and say your piece
19:42aaron if you would would you come up here and just address the congregation and share your peace
19:53i'm nervous
19:55it's kind of in the hands of the bishop today so it's it's pretty heavy
20:01we have to explain why we've taken this journey on and what we want from that
20:07so one thing that i love about the amish is that they're simple people
20:11they're beautiful in the way that they live their life of giving but i have a disability with
20:19hearing and in the community that's extremely difficult my phone is connected to my hearing aids
20:28but then that was taken away if i stay that's a humongous life change and i've been thinking on that
20:36a lot
20:38so thank you thank you esmeralda
20:47hello everyone
20:52i hate public speaking so having to go up there in front of community i feel like it's just so
20:57much
20:57more pressure i was so scared to leave my comfortable life back home and come here and
21:02pursue this because i knew it was going to be so challenging but i feel like i learned conforming
21:07is not always a bad thing i learned so much about confidence and that it's okay to be yourself here
21:15and not need makeup and fancy clothes to feel good about yourself and i'm hoping to continue to grow
21:21and give back to the community that has given so much to me thank you you may take your seat
21:28there was a lot of pressure a lot of emotions and again i'm not good at public speaking so i
21:32feel
21:32like the eyes of everyone in the community just looking at me lee joe yes all right hello everyone
21:51my mouth is dry my hands are clammy
21:58i want to impress the bishop i want to impress the church but at the same time i'm not sure
22:05that
22:05i'm cut out for the amish life it's completely overwhelming
22:39all right it's completely overwhelming the enormity of this
22:49this is like a job interview that i want so bad
22:53so i am just saying what i think is the right thing and just speaking from my heart
23:01i'm grateful for sarah and alan and james and everything that you have taught myself and all the
23:09others that it's not just about how you dress or what you can or cannot do it's about your morals
23:20i've loved so much i will never get these moments back
23:26it's a lot harder than i thought that it would be thank you thank you judah would you like to
23:35share
23:40good evening to the congregation um
23:47the emotion is literally bottling up it's like that feeling when you have so much to say but it's all
23:54caught right here and you just really can't get it out i'm sorry what was i supposed to be sharing
23:59i'm
23:59so sorry has there been enough positive to the experience that you would like to continue to
24:05learn from it are you saying no i'm done
24:10i'm gonna just say this i've met some beautiful amazing people on this journey with me and i've made
24:17community i've literally faced fears here i've pet animals i caught fish i've been chased by chickens out
24:24here i've done a lot out here you know what i'm saying and it wasn't for no reason i would
24:31love to
24:31stay and learn more about this community and learn more about myself and god because i've learned a lot
24:37here end of the day i would like for y'all to set me for who i am because i
24:42accept each and every last
24:43one of y'all in these pews we can all be who we are and still serve jesus in each
24:50and every way
24:52thank you thank you bishop
25:08at this time if the congregation if we're of one mind and heart could we give a nod of assent
25:29the decision obviously makes me nervous i think i know what i want to do but it's important that
25:38i feel that i'm accepted and that others will be accepted are we agreed to move forward graciously
25:48with mercy with love with compassion i've given up so much of my life to be here and i don't
25:56want
25:56it to be in vain this is where our lives change are we prepared to allow these applicants to continue
26:26i feel like there was a big sigh of relief after us it's it's pretty heavy the congregation has spoken
26:35but for the english i would like to encourage you to take it very very seriously in the amish world
26:42this decision is a lifelong decision take the time you need to think it through think about it bishop
26:51vernon asking us to take a moment to step back and really you know think about the decision that we're
26:57going to make is a smart move take a day breathe and see if it's something that we really decide
27:04to do
27:04now we all have a decision to make and i just hope that everyone makes the right decision for themselves
27:12i'm super grateful that the bishop and the community gave me the opportunity to join
27:25the bishop is just sitting in the back just watching everybody and his energy is real tense
27:35i could just see by like body language there was something brewing what we know is we didn't get
27:41kicked out so cheers to that so if you're sincere i told you that you could continue to sort through
27:50these things but i did not come here to create drama and i'll just be very very frank i am
28:00very very
28:01upset with what happened with kendra and matt i'm very upset i'll be honest with you james
28:08you need this experience as much as they do because you literally have walked away from the faith
28:15in jesus christ james was rebellious and he was a disappointment to me because in the amish world
28:26you're willing to say okay i made a mistake here i think i should have done that
28:31differently and that has not happened i don't know what james was doing that's not the amish
28:40background i came from i will not be a part of pounding on anybody and hurting people
28:49i don't think the bishop should have gotten upset at me i mean i i was just trying to keep
28:54law and order
28:54in this group i mean the fact is that kendra and matt went to a hotel and they shouldn't have
28:59them but at the end of the day he is in charge of making final decisions and there's nothing i
29:06can
29:06really do so if you were to ask whether i would recommend james be unshunned in his community the answer
29:17is
29:33hey welcome to my classroom this is my special ed class and i have students that come in every single
29:40day and we have goals we have objectives i guess i can relate to them because you know i do
29:46have a
29:46disability with my hearing as you can see they're in there so having my phone where i can adjust the
29:54volume is crucial because how am i going to educate them if i can't hear them and get feedback or
30:00give
30:01feedback or just really be an advocate for these kids who might just need somebody to slow down with
30:08them and uh i will miss that the bishop told us to take a little more time to make our
30:26final decisions
30:28i want to grow with the community it's also like i need to look at my own life and you
30:33know the decision
30:34that i truly want to make yeah they took my eyelashes off my nails off like the first night i
30:41was here
30:42they obviously took away our phone they took away all my makeup all my like not modest clothes but
30:47yeah it's all gone it's all locked away
30:52but yeah like at church today hearing everyone else kind of like made me also feel pressured to
30:56wanting to join the community
31:00but the bishop also kind of gave us like the grace to really take our own time and make our
31:04own
31:04decisions so like in the back in the back of my head i'm still like do i really want this
31:09for the rest of
31:09my life
31:23it just feels so bittersweet like it feels just like yesterday we walked in english
31:28and some of us will be leaving out amish you know well james thinks you is that sad that must
31:34your stuff trick ever what are they saying yeah well my candidate go up this well anyhow ready for sale
31:42sure
31:49anytime that alan and james speak in dutch something's about to go down
31:54now is the time where the english are going to make a decision whether they want to stay or leave
32:05oh my gosh i haven't seen that in so long oh my goodness the contraband chest the pants already no
32:14shoes have to go
32:19i literally forgot about those
32:24i want to hear one of you say thou shalt not tempt us thou shalt not tempt us
32:30oh god this chest holds a lot of things that we love and we've had and we used i'm a
32:39little nervous
32:39what people are going to do with this temptation because everything has been away from us
32:44so the time has arrived good it's like they're baiting us to see if do you really want to be
32:50amish
32:53i'm a little on edge everyone here has become like my family so i really don't want to say goodbye
33:00to
33:09anyone
33:09who is staying amish who is going back english come on up
33:19everybody's just looking around like who's going to stand up
33:32walking up to that chest once you see like a part of the old you it's like you just get
33:37all those
33:37memories of oh like i can just go back home and you know act like i'm you know back to
33:43the convenient
33:44life back to english life it's so easy to just pick up those stuff and go
33:52okay let me get my stuff
33:59gotta gotta go back home for a little figure things out
34:04so i would like my stuff i've made the decision and this amish life is not meant for me
34:15we came in together i wanted us to stay together but everybody got their own path and their own journey
34:27it is bittersweet we miss the people here and the house despite the flies and no ac and no lights
34:36i feel like if you're wanting to live a very simple minimalistic life then the amish life could
34:41definitely be for you but if you're not ready to give up the everyday conveniences of life then i do
34:49not
35:01recommend
35:02erin it's your turn
35:21if i leave today if i leave today i'm leaving my family
35:31i do need these
35:35i cannot believe this
35:39and i do need this i understand
35:44i think that as much as i wanted to be here i have been really wrestling with a lot of
35:49stuff
35:49all day and realizing i can't keep my hearing aids and that's huge that's a deal breaker
35:55i'm not surprised i think that the phone and the hearing aids you know that's something that he
36:04feels he needs to have in order to live comfortably so he has to do what's best for him on
36:11his journey
36:15you got all your stuff
36:18it's a disappointment to me that aaron made the decision not to stay simply because the fact of
36:25his hearing aids i wish there was a way that we could have made it easier on him
36:30he had a chance to become a good fit for our community
36:35walking away from something that you have put so much energy into life and breath isn't easy
36:45i love and want community and that's one big reason i took this journey
36:52but it doesn't have to be amish
37:00okay bj i mean i'm just gonna take a look you know i
37:05it's been so long alan i almost forget what's in there
37:11yield not to temptation what do i see
37:30it's like pandora's box
37:38bj's hesitate and i can't even believe that she's considering leaving right now
37:41she's literally wanted to be amish her whole life
37:48so what do you think i am staying out of it i am focused on this wow
37:57i love you
38:02i have longed to be a part of the community and this journey has showed me that it's absolutely the
38:10place for me i love the people the culture the lifestyle the verdict is in i do want to be
38:16amish
38:17all right judah your turn what is your decision are you staying or are you leaving
38:26come on up
38:33when judah walks up i'm just bracing myself oh my gosh judah don't do it
38:39i'm scared to death that he's gonna do what they did
39:04i really don't know what he's gonna do
39:16i'm gonna stay
39:19cut that's a great decision thank you sir
39:26being here i didn't expect to gain any friendships and the fact that i'm here as the last two which
39:32you really does mean a lot to me proud of you thank you sir i'm so proud of you
39:41i appreciate you for making this a safe space for me
39:46to be open and be myself i appreciate you i love you and i'm excited to see like where this
39:54crazy
39:54journey journey to see
39:59with judah and bj planning to continue the journey in the amish i wish them well
40:08in the end i guess esmeralda and aaron it was just too much for them this life is not for
40:16them
40:19i'm sad to leave am i gonna regret leaving i don't know
40:30i'm gonna miss a slow-paced life here i don't think i really had any regrets i think i did
40:34everything to the best that i could and i loved everyone um to the best of my ability
40:41oh my gosh
40:59all right we'll see you guys we'll see you love you all
41:11bye guys okay love you guys love you so much
41:18seeing esmeralda and aaron in their english clothes is kind of crazy saying goodbye it's bittersweet
41:29but right now i'm happy i am here for the long run for the amish life
41:39i'm so grateful for this entire experience
41:50everybody deserves a place where they can find joy
41:54and if that's not here we're gonna bless you if you can take something from this experience i bless
42:00you for it if it leads you to something different other than being amish i bless you for it
42:09has it changed the way they look at technology has it broken the cycle of just being glued to your
42:14phone that would be my hope for these six applicants
42:26i'm glad that i did this because it just showed me how much i take for granted back home so
42:31i'm
42:32definitely putting that into my life and being more grateful i'm excited to finally you know be more
42:38like immersed in my life
42:51even though it was a very challenging experience for me
42:55it's completely shifting how i'm living my life now
42:59all of this i don't need it i just don't
43:02i stopped accepting dance opportunities if the outfit was a little too revealing and i started
43:09dancing for my church
43:28update on matt and i unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be so he's not my cowboy i'm hoping
43:35i'm praying for another cowboy life is simple now screen time is down tv time is down the boys don't
43:47play as much video games anymore
43:57my kids want to be amish now and i told them dad gave it a shot and they said we
44:02can't bring our phones
44:03dad so don't bring your phone i don't want to get in trouble
44:13walking away from something that you have put so much energy into isn't easy but what i am really
44:21glad is that i considered trying the amish life because the lessons learned the revelations and
44:30realizations it was everything that i needed our mission was to help them find a better life
44:39and i do feel like we did succeed and i hope they have good memories of our time together and
44:46think positive of the amish lifestyle
45:12the bishop didn't feel like i'm ready to be unshoned but i'm glad for everything i've learned during the
45:18this mission what the english have taught me about acceptance some of the english left some stayed
45:25but hopefully more come in the future and i am willing to be here to help them
45:41i'm currently in atlanta seeing family friends letting them know that i decided to move forward
45:47and continue my journey with the amish community even though everybody moved on i still feel like
45:52we're all a family like alan and sarah are the parents dj is like an older sister aaron is a
45:57brother
45:57esme is a sister james is like that annoying uncle at the cookyard that you really don't want to talk
46:04to
46:04but you love them anyway judah and i both are pursuing our discipleship but we've talked about
46:25getting a house together and meanwhile i'm trying to learn pennsylvania dutch
46:33i think a lot of people covered the amish lifestyle just because
46:59it seems so peaceful and everybody wants peace in in their life everybody is looking for something
47:06and most of those people they're looking for something they're looking for a place where they
47:11can feel safe and where they can just have that peacefulness
47:22you
47:23you
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