- 2 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01The following programme contains strong language.
00:10Someone comes up and they say, I'm new. What's the second chance about?
00:13Where you from, darling, first of all?
00:14Little Groves.
00:15Oh, OK. What are you doing here, darling?
00:17Shouldn't you be over the other side?
00:18Well, this is a better clubhouse, I thought.
00:19Yeah, it is a better side. So why haven't you got a van here?
00:21Why don't you go over there?
00:23For now.
00:23Go and buy a chalet and then come back here.
00:25And do you know what I'll do?
00:26You can play on the house.
00:27No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:33Previously, my beloved billboard had to come down.
00:37Is it good publicity?
00:38No.
00:40It surely isn't signed off.
00:42Neither the residents nor the council were buying our playground plans.
00:46Swell Borough Council. This is a disaster.
00:49One friend's come out and cut it down with a chainsaw.
00:53And as our first challenging season comes to an end...
00:56It's daunting.
00:57I don't want to let these people down.
00:59We must decide what our future looks like on Priory Hill.
01:04It's not sustainable to continue doing events that cost that much.
01:08Won't happen again.
01:09You ain't gonna be able to promise all them people, all them fiends.
01:11No.
01:12And I all go hand in hand, hand in hand for their heart life.
01:41It's a legal business requirement for holiday parks to be able to provide first aid.
01:47We booked in a refresher to get us up to speed.
01:49And then swap over and do it all again.
01:52Go on, you have a go.
01:53You might have breath from that.
01:56Just...
01:56You all right, Danny?
01:57We're gonna have to do some CPR on you, bro.
01:59I was a little bit worried earlier when I was saying wanking gets him out of breath.
02:02Everyone back, we're gonna shock.
02:03That makes me feel sick.
02:06I've actually just thrown up in my mouth.
02:08Don't touch him now.
02:10Charging.
02:11Be clear of the patient.
02:13Make sure no-one's touching Danny.
02:15Deliver shock now.
02:16Stand away!
02:18Shock delivered.
02:20And you'll be pumping for two minutes between shots.
02:28That's a lot, isn't it?
02:30It usually takes multiple shots.
02:32I'm just consoling him for the ambulance to arrive.
02:34He came back to life.
02:35He's good.
02:36Happy days.
02:36Major trolls.
02:38He's lost his arms and legs, but he's gonna survive.
02:45Let's try a quick one on you, just to illustrate the point.
02:47Come to scene.
02:49Unconscious casualty.
02:50Every five to ten seconds, the mouth opens and the tongue comes forward.
02:54My arms might be going as well.
02:57What's going on?
02:58Er...
02:58Ecstasy.
02:59No.
03:00Or maybe. I do not know.
03:01Good pill, that'd be.
03:02I'm actually dead.
03:03Oh, yeah.
03:03Oh, yeah.
03:04It's called agonal breathing, or agonal breathing.
03:06It occurs in about 40% of cardiac arrest cases.
03:09Oh, my God.
03:09And people mistake it for...
03:11So it's more muscles doing it.
03:12It's the brain shutting down, hypoxia, lack of oxygenated blood to the brain.
03:15I'm sorry.
03:15We've got a bit of a problem.
03:17It's the ladies.
03:17He's having some sort of fucking stroke.
03:19I will.
03:20What's happened?
03:23Unbelievably, an actual medical emergency interrupts the class.
03:28I assume this is real, not for the camera.
03:31Yeah, no, this is not for the camera.
03:33Well, we've got our first aid actually coming in to talk to you, all right?
03:38Hello, dear.
03:39I'm Jeremy.
03:40Can you tell me what's happening?
03:42I think Eleanor said it might be a stroke.
03:43They're coming on blue lights for her, so...
03:46Yeah.
03:48Yeah, lucky easier.
03:50Fucking timing, that was...
03:53It's all right, dear.
03:53We're here for you.
03:56We're just waiting for the ambulance service.
03:59Yeah, you get a few bits and pieces like this from time to time.
04:02People tend to call us before they call for emergency services, if you know what I mean.
04:07And we come out and go, we need an ambulance or whatever.
04:10Yeah, this is exactly why it's so important for us to have first aid training.
04:13It's important that Danny and Danny have it as well, yeah.
04:15Because they'll have to deal with instances like this, I'm sure.
04:17Finally.
04:18Fucking thank the Lord.
04:19I think they're coming up the road now.
04:20Thank the Lord apart.
04:22There's no rush, is there?
04:24Oh, come on.
04:26Yeah.
04:26The buggy goes faster than that.
04:28Yeah, ain't it?
04:30Well, Mark, go into it, for fuck's sake.
04:43The finish brush is all right.
04:48Hello, darling, are you all right?
04:51Take a breath.
04:52We're okay.
04:53Yeah, thank you for that.
04:54Yeah, happy to oblige.
04:55Yeah.
04:56What's the chances?
04:57Right.
04:58Big breath.
04:59Stiff orange and lemonade.
05:00Or maybe a lime and soda.
05:09Do you want me to cut up some paper for you?
05:11Has it you only got one colour?
05:12Yeah.
05:13It's a bit rubbish, isn't it?
05:15We promised the kids a playground, but had faced nothing but problems.
05:22After having our preferred sights of Nuts Farm and then behind the clubhouse vetoed, we'd finally settled on Priory, as
05:31far away from residents as possible.
05:37You never hurt yourself with them, could you?
05:39I just didn't have the heart to tell the kids that the council still wouldn't approve it.
05:48Don't, but, you know, never, never sniff glue.
05:52It's naughty.
05:53It'll stick your nose.
05:54It'll stick your nose.
05:55And it'll give you some issues later on.
05:56You have complications with your breathing.
05:58This is really getting bored.
06:01You're bored?
06:03Yeah.
06:07I think, you know what?
06:09If anything, I think the park is essential.
06:12Oh, my God, absolutely.
06:13It's very important that we keep these kids happy.
06:16Because these lot are the future of British holidays.
06:19They need to fall in love with caravans and shallows and the idea of it.
06:23And then they, later on, will keep the British holiday alive.
06:28Yeah.
06:32We can't let the kids down.
06:34Danny.
06:35Hi, Danny.
06:36So we've drafted in some expert help.
06:39What is biodiversity net gain?
06:43Because it winds me up, that word.
06:44Yeah, there was a lot of that on the wall.
06:46A lot of that, a lot of biodiversity.
06:48I'm assuming it's about some sort of sanitation.
06:52No.
06:53No, of course you ain't.
06:53No.
06:54It's about increasing biodiversity.
06:57If you're taking something away from the environment,
07:00you're putting something back in.
07:03But I think with this scheme, I think you will be in the de minimis exception.
07:07The what exception?
07:08It's de minimis.
07:09De minimis.
07:10De minimis.
07:10De minimis, yes.
07:11It's an exception where you don't need to make a contribution.
07:14It's just words, innit?
07:15It's another hurdle to get through.
07:17It's just words.
07:18This is what they do, these people, right?
07:19I want you, Rach.
07:20I can tell that you're one of my own.
07:22Maybe a woman brought up on a council estate, same as me.
07:25No.
07:27Okay.
07:28Can you have a little pipe in here for me, Rach?
07:29Yeah, of course.
07:30And just tell me what the...
07:31Because, really, we're trying to do a good thing for young people.
07:34Yeah.
07:34And I've got all this bollocks.
07:37We need to get a park up.
07:39I don't care what it takes.
07:40Is there any hands I need to grease?
07:42Because, you know, I don't mind, you know.
07:46No, it doesn't work that way with planning.
07:48Yeah, sorry.
07:48Well, you say that.
07:50There's a lot of corrupt bollocks going on at the moment.
07:52But this isn't a political...
07:53There are.
07:53But that's politicians.
07:54So, in the planning world, we would need to address the criticisms that the council have raised.
08:01You're really political at the minute, yeah.
08:03You're watching too much Question Time.
08:05Question Time?
08:05No, I don't watch it no more.
08:06It fucking winds me up.
08:07All liars.
08:09So, we will produce amended plans and any other supporting documents
08:14that need to go in with the application submission and get the application submitted.
08:19Yeah, it sounds like a long, old process, though.
08:21It can be.
08:22And that's months.
08:23So, worst-case scenario, that is what would happen.
08:26What's the alternative, then?
08:27The alternative is, there is a process where you apply for retrospective planning consent.
08:32Yep.
08:32Where you've already put up the facility, and then you submit an application and get consent.
08:38Amazing.
08:39So, that's what we're going to do, then, I think.
08:42Retrospective consent.
08:44Okay.
08:45And we want to, like, leave something here, do you know?
08:47Yeah.
08:47Is that a bit anal?
08:49Not anal.
08:49Anal?
08:50Why are you talking about anal?
08:52No.
08:53Not anal.
08:54No.
08:54I've got...
08:55We'll go with legacy.
08:57No, I know.
08:57She does get embarrassed.
08:58Don't worry.
08:59She does talk about anal quite a lot.
09:05It is a nuts down here, though.
09:07You can't beat it.
09:09Look.
09:09Why put the top on?
09:11Well, because they said I look too sexy.
09:15Too sexy.
09:25Look at this one.
09:26Look at this one.
09:27How's it going?
09:28No, listen.
09:28I come in here, obviously, because I wanted to hold my hands up, I suppose.
09:34You know, the old advertising board, which, you know, he's had the hump about it a little bit,
09:38just in the sense of what I was trying to create, which was awareness.
09:44And a target.
09:46Someone drew a cock on me now, as we know.
09:48So, anyway, it's had to be taken down, but I've paid money for that trailer for the rest of the
09:55year.
09:56It's your thing.
09:57I've paid for it.
09:59You come up with your own board.
10:01You got any ideas about it?
10:03I mean, because...
10:03Just a bit more simple, not so busy, but informative, you know.
10:07Chalets, caravans, for sale.
10:09You gonna put your own boats on it?
10:10No.
10:10No boats.
10:11No faces?
10:12Faceless?
10:13Yeah.
10:14Okay, so you're gonna just put a...
10:15A phoenix picture of a caravan or a seafront or something.
10:18A bit of seafront, right.
10:19Okay.
10:20Do you know what?
10:21I can't wait to see it.
10:23Honestly.
10:25Thanks.
10:25Yeah.
10:26All right, none of me getting involved.
10:28You's free.
10:29I can't wait to see it.
10:30Yeah, nice.
10:30See you, mate.
10:31Lovely.
10:32It'd be fucking better than it is, wouldn't it?
10:49While our medical emergency was back home on the mend...
10:53So these wasn't big caravans when I came here.
10:56We welcomed a VIP visitor and priory resident of old, me mother-in-law.
11:02Come, do you fancy a swim?
11:04Have you got your, er...
11:05Oh, I've got me knickers on.
11:06I'll be all right.
11:06Yeah, it's going in your drawers, darling.
11:08We're going in your drawers.
11:10Well, I bet the sea ain't changed, is it?
11:12Yeah.
11:12Same old sea, other than...
11:13Obviously, there's more shit in it now.
11:15Really?
11:16No, they pumped the shit in the sea, didn't they?
11:17That's what they're doing at the moment.
11:20I bet it was clean.
11:21I bet you could drink it in your day, Cal.
11:23It brings back so much to me.
11:26Yeah.
11:26This was my childhood holiday.
11:29Yes.
11:29With my nan.
11:31Memories.
11:32Oh, I love it.
11:33I love it.
11:34They're amazing, eh?
11:34Oh, nan.
11:35They're lovely.
11:36Let's get her a chalet now.
11:38Oh, you're emotional, nan.
11:40Oh, nan, don't.
11:42Don't get upset.
11:43Yeah.
11:47I don't want to be upset, though, babe.
11:48You're reminiscing.
11:49It's beautiful.
11:50It's beautiful.
11:55It's happy memories.
11:56They're happy tears.
11:57That's what they are.
11:58As an 11-year-old girl, you probably stood here and looked out of that, see?
12:03Happy memories.
12:04Happy, exactly.
12:04Young.
12:05Happy memories.
12:06Yeah.
12:11Hello, babe.
12:12You all right?
12:13Seeing how much joy this sight gave Curl as a kid made us even more determined to get
12:20a playground in the earth.
12:22We decided to defy the council and build it without permission.
12:30There we go.
12:31Wow.
12:41Here they are, the old crafters.
12:43Look at them.
12:43Hi, boys.
12:45Obviously, guys, it's a construction site, so we've got to make you wear a high base.
12:47Oh, yes.
12:48We've got you some nice ones with your names on.
12:49Naturally.
12:50Thanks, babe.
12:53Wow.
12:53Come on in.
12:55I managed to make this for you as well, guys.
12:57Stop.
12:58Look.
12:58I love that.
12:59So, on your giant playhouse, when that comes up, this is going to go over.
13:03Oh, die is dead.
13:04Look.
13:05What do you think?
13:05No one better spray a cock on the top of this.
13:09No, I've had a bit of aggravation with my advertising board, mate.
13:12Yeah.
13:12Let's just hope that we get a bit of respect for this.
13:14Yeah, but we've done something nice, so they're not going to do that.
13:16Well, I'd like to think so, darling.
13:17Yeah, they're not going to do that.
13:17We're living in a mad time, mate.
13:18Everyone's got the hump.
13:19Let me walk you around.
13:20The kids are going to love this.
13:22I've never been this excited over a park.
13:24Me too.
13:24I'm, like, so overwhelmed by it.
13:26They ain't got nothing like this here.
13:28No, they ain't.
13:29They're going to absolutely love this.
13:31I'm so happy.
13:32Is it the way you envisioned it?
13:33Even better.
13:34When we spoke.
13:35Honestly, even better.
13:36When you have kids, like, you don't realise how much you appreciate a park.
13:39Like, they just love it, you know?
13:41Like, it's the best thing for them.
13:43You all right, kids?
13:44You excited about all this?
13:45You looking forward to this park?
13:47Definitely.
13:48Good boy.
13:48That's what I like to hear.
13:49The only thing is, you're not allowed to wear that top when you're playing on the, er...
13:53Yeah!
13:55God bless you.
13:57Need to be one of the Tottenham shirt, though, didn't it?
13:59Of all teams.
13:59Had to be, didn't it?
14:00Of all teams.
14:01You're a worse team, isn't it, Dad?
14:03I'll let you crack on.
14:03See you later, darling.
14:05Oh, they're lovely.
14:08See you later, boys.
14:09Thank you so much.
14:11And what I think about, what was the 200 grand one?
14:15I want to know what that was.
14:17What would it have brought?
14:17What would it have been?
14:18That's what I'm saying.
14:19Let's just hope the council don't see it.
14:22Yeah?
14:22Yeah.
14:28To draw in the crowds for the playground opening.
14:32No, no, I see.
14:33You've taken them off of the team, haven't you?
14:34Darren was keen to shoot a promo with club mascot, Bodie the Bear.
14:39Yeah.
14:39You've got to try and get that under you.
14:41How am I going to do that?
14:42Take your hand back out of one of them.
14:44Dressing up as a bear?
14:45No, it's not for me at all.
14:47No.
14:47Don't like it.
14:47Never wanted to do it.
14:49Never.
14:49Since day one, everyone else wanted to go in it, didn't they?
14:51Like, oh, yeah, I'll have a go, I'll have a go, I'll have a go.
14:53Realised pretty quickly that it was horrible.
14:55Let's get the table set up.
15:00So, I was thinking first, if we start you at the side of the stage.
15:06So, if we get you just walking along, swinging your arms.
15:14I know you don't want to be in there.
15:16You're coming across, making Bodie miserable.
15:18It's horrible.
15:20Do a little laugh, maybe.
15:21A little jolly belly laughing.
15:23That's it.
15:24No, it seems like you're smiling now.
15:26Perfect.
15:27Right, action.
15:28Static waving.
15:30Just jumping up and down with your hands in the air.
15:36Yeah, see, you're getting it now, aren't you?
15:38You seem a bit jollier now.
15:43Right, we're done here.
15:44Yeah, I think we've got enough.
15:46Probably.
15:47Oh, it smells like bum holes, mate.
15:52I've had 35 years of having kids.
15:55So, 1989, when Harney was born.
15:57So, you've got one more year with you, and then I'm free.
16:00Then you're free.
16:00I'm free.
16:01No more.
16:01And do you know where I'll be going?
16:03Here.
16:04Down here.
16:05Exactly.
16:05Exactly.
16:07So, nothing will change?
16:08No.
16:14In eight months of being here, I knew how much the residents loved the sea.
16:19But it looked filthy.
16:22Got me little kit here.
16:23Yeah.
16:24I'm basically going to touch the water.
16:27What is in this ?
16:28I don't know.
16:29You know?
16:30There's no regulation to where our shit and piss goes.
16:33No.
16:34Are they just pumping it into the seas?
16:37There can't be.
16:38Well, I want to find out.
16:39I need to know these things.
16:40Because it's dangerous, darling.
16:41I want to feel confident that you can put your kids in there.
16:45You know, put the twins in there.
16:46Yeah.
16:48We've got the dirtiest beaches in Europe.
16:50Really?
16:51Yeah.
16:51So, I've Googled it.
16:52We're an island.
16:53We need to look after our people.
16:54We need to look after our beaches.
16:56It's a disgrace.
16:57Yeah.
16:58For fuck's sake.
17:04Right.
17:06140 quid has cost me this.
17:08What?
17:09Remove the bottle top.
17:11Fill bottle with water.
17:12Well, it's pretty simple, isn't it?
17:14I don't know why I'm reading this bollocks.
17:15You just fill the bottle up with water.
17:17Just fill the bottle up?
17:17Yeah, fill the bottle up.
17:20Right, here we go.
17:21Oh, my God.
17:30It looks pretty clear to me.
17:32Cheers!
17:35Mind you, I don't look too bad.
17:36I don't look so...
17:37I'll drink that.
17:39Oh, no, no.
17:39There's a tiny bit of shit in there, look.
17:41Oh.
17:42A little bit of pony in there.
17:44Floating about.
17:45Right, okay.
17:51Let's find out what the fuck's going on on our beaches.
17:59So I've inverted the colours, right?
18:01How much have we got two?
18:03One.
18:06Website, phone number, address.
18:08It's hands down a much better design poster for the information we want to get out there.
18:15It's a shame someone did graffiti the last one, because it would have been nice to have
18:19a nice picture of Danny and Danny on it.
18:22Do you know what I mean?
18:23Just in the corner or whatever.
18:24Someone's just going to draw a dick on it again.
18:25Well, exactly.
18:26That's the problem, isn't it?
18:27It's just another risk, isn't it?
18:28Because we put his face on it, and it gets graffitied again, and we've got to take it
18:32down again straight away.
18:33Start getting expensive.
18:34It is expensive, yeah.
18:37And it just don't look good either, just for the few days that he's up there with whatever
18:40graffiti's on it, does it?
18:41With a dick on his head.
18:49Finally, the big day has arrived.
18:54Where's Danny?
18:55Where's Danny?
18:56Bear with me for another ten minutes while we take the fence down, and as soon as we've got
19:00that down, we'll put the bow up, and Danny will come, cut the bow, and we can all go on.
19:05Please stay back from this line.
19:12And I've been gifted one of my most challenging rolls to date.
19:16Where's the cock area?
19:18Oh, my God, you've got a proper belly in that.
19:21Oh, cheers.
19:22What?
19:23Help me out.
19:24Put...
19:24Oh, my God.
19:25You can just strap these on me.
19:26You're going to be sweating in this.
19:28I was a bit clammy, this.
19:29It's one of them things that just would never get washed.
19:33Can you get out?
19:34Well, I can't say fuck off.
19:36It's all right, you're all right, you're all right.
19:38After months of pushback, we were about to give Priory Hill its playground.
19:46Oh, my God, there's so many people.
19:48Thousands, look.
19:49What's in the telly, yeah?
19:51Think it's about your holidays.
19:53That's entertainment.
19:56Oh, they're lovely.
19:57Faster winner.
19:59I've just got to stay in character.
20:02Bollocks, is this?
20:03You can't see nothing.
20:04Say hello.
20:05It's a bear!
20:07Say hello.
20:08Go on, Brodie, be friendly.
20:10Brodie Bell.
20:11Oh, my brain.
20:12Don't look like a nice bear.
20:13Wade.
20:14Brodie's always popular.
20:15He's a little bit worried that he's going to start talking or knowing him might take the
20:21head off and the kids will be devastated.
20:23Maybe do a few high fives and that.
20:25Do you know what I mean?
20:26I can't see no one.
20:27All right.
20:28All right?
20:29Keep the voice down.
20:30Keep the voice down.
20:30He don't look like he's a very happy bear.
20:32Here we go.
20:33Wave.
20:34Kids, it's Bodie.
20:36Give Bodie a wave.
20:36Give Bodie a wave, everyone.
20:39I can't breathe.
20:41Hello, everyone.
20:42Thank you all so much for coming.
20:44I'm so sorry.
20:45It's been such a long wait.
20:46Oh, I can't breathe.
20:47There was obviously...
20:48Oh, get me out of here.
20:49...issues as always.
20:50But thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy it.
20:53Oh, goodness.
20:56Um, Brodie Bear, you do the honours, my darling.
21:00You've got to cut the ribbon.
21:01I don't know if Bodie will be able to hold the scissors.
21:03Got sweat pissing in my eyes, I hope.
21:05Ready?
21:08Yay!
21:08Yay!
21:13Yay!
21:14Oh, Bodie, well done.
21:15I can't breathe in here.
21:17I've got to get the top of the neck.
21:22Ah.
21:24Ah, I can't breathe.
21:25Lovely.
21:26Thank you so much.
21:26This is my first time reaching you.
21:28Just shout.
21:29When you want to go in, I'll just take it off.
21:30All right, thank you.
21:31Who do you think was in the bear?
21:33The only guy, huh?
21:35Do you think it was him?
21:37Do ya?
21:38Oh.
21:39What do you think of the park?
21:41Ten out of ten.
21:42Oh, you know.
21:43Come on, mate.
21:43Just get you in before you pass out, yeah?
21:45Yeah.
21:46If you can.
21:47Oh, you're holding my hand out, isn't it?
21:48Yeah, hey.
21:51Ah.
21:53Fuck that.
21:53Oh, fuck it.
21:54Oh, my God.
21:57Oh.
21:59Not very versatile with these hands.
22:01No.
22:01All I've got about me is that and that.
22:04That's all the kids want.
22:05I've got a lot of respect for the, uh, for the, uh, the Bodhi bear now.
22:09I've underestimated that.
22:10That was...
22:11Well done.
22:12You lasted a lot longer than I thought you were going to last, mate.
22:13Oh, no, mate.
22:14I can't.
22:14I was panicking a little bit.
22:15I know that feeling of the sweat.
22:16We can't, we can't wipe your eyes.
22:18Can't wipe your eyes.
22:19And also, I felt that when I had the mask and I was just smiling on the tail.
22:21Yeah.
22:23Even though no fucker could see you.
22:25No fucker could see you, yeah.
22:26Yeah, yeah.
22:27Very odd feeling that was, uh.
22:29That's enough Bodhi for today.
22:31Yeah.
22:41The play park had barely been in the ground and it was already proving a riot ball ache.
22:50That is like the fastest slide in the world, isn't it?
22:53We've already seen someone bleeding.
22:56When they come down, they drop and they go forward on their face.
23:01So what?
23:02Kids are hurting themselves?
23:03It's just fast.
23:04At the end it just sort of goes off and falls.
23:07Look.
23:09Pretty brutal, isn't it?
23:11Yeah, yeah.
23:11But all the older kids are happy with it.
23:13You know, they're shooting off, landing on their feet.
23:15But it's the young ones we've got to watch out for.
23:19It's been signed off on that.
23:21So these must exist in other places.
23:23I just think we'd better be safe and sorry.
23:31Right, what's the issue?
23:33I think it's quite fast.
23:35For a start.
23:37Oh, are you sure, Dan, you want to climb that?
23:39Right, so how many people's mummed?
23:41There was quite a few parents come up to us on the day.
23:43One of them cutting the lip.
23:44God.
23:46He's going to split his trousers.
23:48Be careful.
23:49Come on then.
23:51Quite brutal.
23:52It's quite bad, actually, yeah.
23:53The older kids, they're all right.
23:54They get their feet down in time, but the little ones...
23:56Well, hold on a minute.
23:57When I was a kid, the playgrounds I used to play on,
23:59it was all concrete.
24:00You don't have grass.
24:01Yeah, I know.
24:02Yeah, I broke my arm and a caravan parked down the road.
24:04I won't name names.
24:05I want fucking names.
24:06The bar spun on me, you know, it was loose,
24:08and I smashed my arm on a bike frame,
24:10broke my arm in four places.
24:11Can't bear it.
24:12And the next day they chopped them down.
24:14I thought you were going to say they chopped your arm off then.
24:16So look, I've noticed there's a sign over there.
24:18Yeah, we've had to put it up just to say,
24:20play carefully, adult supervision required.
24:22Ain't that enough?
24:23Just to cover ourselves.
24:24Ain't that enough?
24:25Yeah, well, to you and I it is, mate,
24:27but we're in a world where we've got to cover our arse.
24:30They fall down and hurt themselves and say,
24:31did you read the sign?
24:33Yeah, you need sign if you have to have a sign.
24:36I thought this was our greatest achievement, Dan, this.
24:38Yeah.
24:39Turns out it's fucked.
24:42The slide met all the regulations,
24:44but to save a few pennies,
24:45we'd ignored the company's advice to get Matt in.
24:48Turns out we were wrong.
24:50So with egg on our face,
24:51we got it ordered.
24:55I'm going to have my hair perm
24:56before I go home on the 23rd,
25:00but I've got a feeling I might have to bring that forward.
25:02We can't get the bloke who's got a van
25:04and he does it in the back of his van.
25:05That's for the dogs, you prick.
25:07I'm going to have to bring that back.
25:07I'm going to have to bring that back.
25:07I'm going to have to bring that back.
25:14Three, two, one.
25:17One.
25:26Uh...
25:27Don't like it, does he?
25:30Uh...
25:31You look really happy.
25:33What I will say is this.
25:36It does exactly what it says on the tin.
25:40I think it's a lot to read, though, while you're driving.
25:43Not that much, really.
25:44Quite a bit.
25:45I don't think you'll get to caravans before you've passed it.
25:48I want people to look at it and half-crash their motors.
25:51Yours was upright,
25:52and I had no-one tell me they'd seen it or anything.
25:55This one's been up for a day.
25:56I've had four people already.
25:58What you have done
25:58is still give people an opportunity to put a cock on me head.
26:02It's always potential.
26:04Anyway, that's my vanity out of the way.
26:06It's a bit boring, I'm not going to lie.
26:08You say boring, I say more informative.
26:10Even that, more informative, is boring.
26:12It's a lot of blue, I've got to say.
26:14It reminds me of a poster
26:17that John Major would have put up.
26:21Who's John Major?
26:22You don't know who John Major is, sir?
26:23He's the former Prime Minister.
26:24It's a John Major poster, let me tell you that now.
26:29With our billboard now about as exciting
26:32as my nan's knitting circle
26:33and the long-awaiting playground half out of action,
26:37I'm questioning, are we really the right people
26:40to be at the coalface of this gaff?
26:43I'm sweating my bullets off.
26:44I'll get Jimmy to do that.
26:45With the season drawing to a close,
26:48I didn't expect the job to be this big.
26:51Someone's had a pun.
26:55Don't tell anyone.
26:56And with next year's work commitments piling up,
27:01I'm undecided about our future here.
27:05But one thing I'm sure of
27:07is this place already has my heart.
27:16I can't believe how the old nights are drawing in there.
27:19It was so dark early last night, I think,
27:21because it was a bit overcast.
27:23Yeah.
27:23But we'll start crying.
27:25We'll start packing to go home soon.
27:26And I hate it.
27:27Yeah.
27:28You wish your life away when you're down here.
27:30That is the problem.
27:31I, personally, would do the longer time.
27:33But I've got a wimp of an husband and he gets cold.
27:39How are you, sir?
27:41You having a bit of ag?
27:42What's happened?
27:45Let's have a quick look.
27:48You're not turning on.
27:49There you go.
27:50Go on, son.
27:51You run out of fucking battery.
27:53Look, that's why.
27:53Look.
27:54Look, look.
27:55You've only got one bar.
27:56Go on, go on.
28:01Go on, that's it.
28:01Keep going, son,
28:02because you've only got one bar left.
28:04I'll push you there.
28:06I can push you.
28:08Go on, keep going.
28:17Oh, there you go.
28:18Look, I've got a bit of power.
28:19Right, you all right?
28:21Go on then, on your way.
28:22Mind how you go.
28:37Hello, Al.
28:38Oh, hello.
28:39Oh.
28:40You all right?
28:43Very tired old man.
28:45That's what I am.
28:46You know what?
28:47It's been such a, um, blur.
28:51And I feel like we've achieved a lot.
28:54Also got some shit wrong.
28:57I'm just trying to think whether you lot
29:01are happy.
29:03I think I've took a lot on this year.
29:06Yeah.
29:06And I have to make a decision about,
29:09you know, next year about whether,
29:11if you did want us back,
29:12whether I could,
29:13whether I would be able to be around as much.
29:15You know, these are stuff that I suppose
29:17I can only really make a decision on
29:19if you want us.
29:21Why don't we get all the other guys in here
29:23and have a little chat and just see, like,
29:25how we want to move forward?
29:28And listen, I'll take it on the chin either way.
29:30On the chins.
29:33You know what I mean?
29:37OK, cool.
29:38You know what I mean?
29:38Yeah.
29:41Um...
29:41I'll see you later.
29:43Yeah, all right.
29:43See you in a bit.
29:47You know, maybe they don't want us back.
29:49Maybe they're like,
29:49OK, thank you so much for everything you've done,
29:51but we're gonna move on with lost money
29:52or whatever.
29:54And then I'll go,
29:54do you know what, sweetheart,
29:55it's been lovely to meet you all
29:57and I'll crack right on with me life.
30:04What the fuck are you doing up there?
30:06Don't fall off either.
30:08Well, it wouldn't be the first time that's happened, would it?
30:09We've got a video of one, haven't we?
30:11Straight onto the Pepsi machine.
30:12Bosh.
30:13Straight onto the floor.
30:13Bosh.
30:14Still alive, aren't you?
30:15Still alive.
30:15My kneecaps hurt just thinking about that sort of shit.
30:19With the sight getting quieter,
30:21we were still busy getting our hands dirty.
30:26So inside the pumps that pump the water around
30:28are some baskets that collect most of the debris.
30:31Pubes, belly button fluff,
30:33that fluff from the top of the bum crap that you get.
30:36Oh, lovely.
30:37Bit of hair.
30:38You're giving me the ornipole.
30:41Right, so we undo this, OK.
30:43Yeah, that's it.
30:44You can see if you start rubbing it from the inside,
30:46you can almost, like, ball it up.
30:48That's it, that's the sort of thing you want.
30:49How does that come out of someone's arse?
30:51Well, it's a collection, isn't it?
30:52It looks like a seahorse's head.
30:58With all this talk of crappy water,
31:00my test results are back.
31:03The Environment Agency says that the water quality for Laysdown
31:07is rated good,
31:08with their official results for E.coli
31:11being under 200 CFU per 100 mils,
31:14based on 20 samples.
31:19For our coastal waters to be excellent,
31:22we need less than 250 per 100 mils, right?
31:27Just to get away with it, you need less than 500.
31:31My test has found 2,420 fucking...
31:35Jesus Christ.
31:35Why are we bothering?
31:36I expected it to be high, but not that high.
31:38Yeah.
31:39So they've said a high amount of E.coli in water
31:43is an indicator of faecal contamination, right?
31:47This contamination can come from sewage overflows
31:49or inadequate water treatment.
31:53You know, the thing about coming to these coastal towns,
31:55you know, is that you should be able to enjoy the sea.
31:58You know, we're an island.
31:59You know, we're very much got loads of coast.
32:02There's not nothing we can do about it or change or...
32:06So we just let them swim in shit.
32:08Well, do you want to start a protest or what?
32:10Protest?
32:12I think in the grand scheme of things,
32:14what's going on in this country,
32:15this is bottom of the list.
32:16People are working their bollocks off.
32:18They can't pay them bills at the moment.
32:20They ain't hardly any old bill on the streets.
32:21Can't get an ambulance.
32:23Can't get a dentist.
32:24I've had to relay the message.
32:26It's wound me up.
32:26Yeah.
32:27I feel like I want to go nut a wall.
32:29Yeah.
32:29It is disgusting.
32:30I honestly don't think there's anything we can do.
32:33Well, I'm glad I just give a shit.
32:35Anyway, I'll give you the information.
32:37I'll send it all over to you.
32:38All right.
32:40Uh, girls, sorry to interrupt.
32:43I've just done a test for the sea down here.
32:46Do you swim in the sea, you used to?
32:47No.
32:48I do normally, but not here.
32:50My grandchildren do that.
32:51So are you aware how much shit is in that sea?
32:54It was on Facebook last year that you shouldn't swim in.
32:58Really?
32:59Yeah.
33:00I didn't know it was that high.
33:02Anyway, sorry.
33:03If you was about to eat your lunch, I do apologise.
33:05But just thought I'd let you know in case you two were going to go skinny dipping in there later.
33:09You never know, dear.
33:10Well, you never know, do you?
33:13So, look, listen.
33:14We're here.
33:15Yeah.
33:16What chance do I stand of trying to, you know, get people to come and have co-avan holidays?
33:21I think this has been going on years.
33:23Yeah.
33:24And, yeah.
33:24Yeah.
33:25It's just the money these people are on.
33:27Yeah.
33:28These sort of CEOs of these water companies.
33:30Privatised, innit?
33:30Sitting there in their big offices.
33:33Just...
33:33I just find it incredible.
33:37I can't say that.
33:38Yeah.
33:39It's got a point.
33:41Yeah.
33:43Well, I can't believe they weren't shocked.
33:47I'm not saying they don't care, but, you know, I thought that was a massive bit of news.
33:51I don't know what we're supposed to...
33:52What can the little man do?
33:54Like, what can we do?
33:55I mean, I was a little bit shocked at the high number, to be honest.
33:58I expected it to be high, but maybe not that high.
34:00The water quality is not great.
34:02What can we do about it?
34:04I think the MPs know about it.
34:06I think the council knows about it.
34:08I think everyone knows about it, but I don't know what the answer is.
34:11We're not pumping sewerage in the sea.
34:13But someone clearly is.
34:16They don't give a fuck, the government, and also these big CEOs of these water companies.
34:20They don't give a shit.
34:22That sea's fucked.
34:24It's awful.
34:28Bullocks.
34:41It's been a hectic year.
34:43Got to give the best breakfast sausage that you can.
34:46The taste of freedom was only days away as we prepared to close for winter.
34:50This is important work we're doing here.
34:52Yeah.
34:52Might be the most important thing we've done on the end.
34:53Let's get involved.
34:56We should be smelling them as well, shouldn't we?
34:58Well, I haven't been.
34:59I haven't.
34:59Can you usually sniff your sausage before you?
35:03Oh, my God.
35:04You're not going to swallow it?
35:06I don't like swallowing, no.
35:07Huh?
35:08No, everything's good.
35:08It's a real shame.
35:10To be honest, I'm sausageed out.
35:13What?
35:14Come on, man.
35:15This is important.
35:16Can I have one more after this one?
35:17I don't mind.
35:18I've put anything in my mouth.
35:19Fuck me.
35:20You know, I've lived a mad life.
35:25But first, there was a bit of business that couldn't be elbowed to next season.
35:31So, this is the car park that comes with it.
35:34A derelict pitch and putt site open to tender, directly next to our caravan park.
35:40I mean, it's quite big, isn't it?
35:41Twelve and a half acres.
35:42And what, it goes right up there?
35:44Goes right down to the football pitch.
35:45Amazing.
35:46Where them trees are there, it goes, yeah,
35:47goes a little bit past them trees to the right.
35:49Yeah.
35:50Oh, my God, it's a field.
35:51Yeah.
35:52I mean, where do you start with it?
35:53Where do you start?
35:54It's overwhelming.
35:55I don't even think you could weed it and cut it.
35:57I think you'd have to just start again.
35:59It's going to take at least six months, at least, to even start looking like something.
36:06I think there's about a kilometre of fence, we think, maybe just over.
36:09Yeah.
36:09But that's a lot of dough straight away.
36:12I reckon they're looking about a hundred grand, honestly.
36:14A hundred?
36:15Yeah, that's what I'm saying, under a bag.
36:17So, what do you think we should do then?
36:18Well, I think we've got to put an offer in.
36:20If someone else comes along and gets it, we might be kicking ourselves in a year's time,
36:23mightn't we?
36:23Yeah.
36:24If you think about the aggravation we've had with that Bollocky Park.
36:27All the forms we had to fill out.
36:29Yeah.
36:30If we did this, we'd have to go all in and get the right people to help us,
36:34but it is going to be a big job.
36:35Let's put something to these fuckers.
36:37Yeah.
36:39Because this could be amazing for our park.
36:41Yeah.
36:41Imagine.
36:42Next year.
36:44It was an exciting prospect, but too much to commit before knowing how our costs look from this year.
36:54After ten months of hard graft, we had to ask ourselves a simple question.
36:59What did we actually achieve?
37:02Bloody hell!
37:04So far, we'd spent more than six and a half grand on the billboard.
37:10I'd spun nearly ten grand on entertainment.
37:14Hello, Prairie Hill!
37:16We'd invested far too much in bringing back old traditions.
37:21We spent five grand on the open day.
37:24Nearly 26K into new facilities.
37:28A lot of dough, but long-term investments that would stay on the park for years
37:32and bring money in down the line.
37:35But we'd wasted an obscene amount on failed ideas like posh beers and glamping.
37:43Fuck's sake.
37:45Some were honestly too painful to even relive in the series.
37:48Jimmy!
37:49Just wait a minute.
37:50That fuck has just gone through the armoured cable.
37:52Thanks, Danny.
37:53So the good news.
37:54Bar and bingo profits were up.
37:57Massively.
38:00We managed to bring in an impressive 80 grand in profits from caravan and chalet sales.
38:04This is Eleanor, who tells me this is the perfect place for swinging.
38:09So somehow, we ended nearly 11 grand up.
38:13Not too shabby at all.
38:15But unfortunately, there's a bigger situation looming.
38:18When we arrived, we'd been tasked with one big job.
38:22From the empty pitches, we're losing about 150 grand in revenue.
38:27Whilst we filled nine plots, there's 28 plots still empty, leaving the park with 115 grand black hole in lost
38:34revenue.
38:35Whilst not debt, it's still a very daunting hole to fill.
38:39So when Alex did the maths, factoring in this shortfall from our target, our net contribution to Priory was...
38:48104,528 pounds down.
38:56That's a real shame.
38:58It's a tricky situation.
39:00So, erm, I don't quite know what we do about that.
39:09There's kind of two scales here, isn't there?
39:11There's the fun aspect of it and, yeah, people, how much our current customers enjoy and all that.
39:15But then there's that other scale that we always have to look at.
39:17It's the financial side of things, isn't it?
39:19Exactly, yeah.
39:19Has it financially been a success?
39:22His money spending is a negative.
39:23His money spending, yeah, that's a big one.
39:25His lack of communication.
39:26Yeah.
39:26So we've got to guide him a bit more.
39:27We've got to guide him.
39:28I feel like he can't be guided, mate.
39:30He's one of them.
39:31What we've got to kind of decide is whether we want them to be fully involved next year,
39:35like they have been this year.
39:43I like people being straight with me.
39:44So, erm, what's the verdict?
39:47You've thrown yourself into everything you've done.
39:49Some of it, not so good.
39:53Money is a big thing, isn't it?
39:54I think you realise yourself as well, you can't just do these things.
39:57No.
39:58It's a balancing act, isn't it?
39:59No.
39:59We've got to make money as well as spend money.
40:02You're right.
40:02You can't just throw money at everything.
40:05Unfortunately, what followed was a cascade of concerns.
40:09Well, things like the sports day, wasn't it?
40:10We didn't really know what was happening.
40:12Mistakes have been made.
40:13Mistakes on both sides.
40:14The 80s night, you rolled your mates in for that.
40:18But when we ain't laid out, what have you laid out for Kemp?
40:21Yeah, they cost me a bomb.
40:22Yeah.
40:23Anything else negative?
40:24I've had to explain to a lot of people that I'm not actually a swinger.
40:28Ah.
40:30But I feel like that's overshadowed by all the positives that have happened.
40:33Absolutely, yeah.
40:34This year has been completely different for all of us, genuinely.
40:38You know, we've done stuff we've never done before.
40:40It will go down in history as one of the best we've ever had.
40:42A massive thing has been getting those empty pitches filled up.
40:45We're all in agreement, and that's down to having your two boats in the game.
40:51Yeah.
40:51All the customers here love you both.
40:53They absolutely adore you both.
40:55We would love to see you come back next year and be just as involved, if not more.
40:58No, do you know, it means a lot to us, doesn't it?
41:00Yeah.
41:00And we're glad that we brought something to the table and we didn't fuck everything up.
41:03Because when we first started, I thought, oh, no, what have we done?
41:05Because we're just not business people at all, are we?
41:12The staff had given us a lot to think about.
41:15But we had the Halloween ball to host.
41:18The final night the club is open until next season.
41:22It was our chance to say goodbye to the park for the year.
41:29I've been coming down for 50 years, and every year we always have a great summer.
41:35But this has been exceptionally great this year.
41:37It has been the best season ever.
41:39This year everyone's come together.
41:41I could stand her before we started.
41:46They've stopped people leaving.
41:48Now I've just got to get more people buying caravans and coming on.
41:51Staying.
41:51Staying, yeah.
41:53This is it.
41:55The end of the season.
41:56How mad.
41:57When I first bowled in here, I was shitting myself, I'm not going to lie.
42:01I understand there's a lot of snotty-nosed people who look down their nose at these sort of holidays.
42:08But, you know, we're trying to bring it back and make it relevant again.
42:10But you know what we've got as working class people is character, right?
42:14And me now semi-middle class, to be fair, because I've got a few quid.
42:17But...
42:19I'll tell you something now, this gaffir is amazing.
42:22Because it's all about you residents, really.
42:24You know, shout out to Tony, by the way, because he's, er...
42:27It's had a tough year, Tony, isn't you?
42:29You're looking strong, son.
42:30Lost a bit of Derby there, I know I can see.
42:32Sucking the old Derby in.
42:35I've really had the most greatest year with you all.
42:38We hope we've made you happy, and we've had the best time, haven't we?
42:41It's been an honour to be part of your lives.
42:45Sorry we fucked the slide up, because...
42:51I didn't ask for a drop slide, it's just, er...
42:56Now, shall we get off our tits and celebrate?
42:59We had some tunes on, son.
43:04It's been ups, it's been downs.
43:07And I couldn't have done it without you, I see that now.
43:09Really, babe?
43:10Oh, I'd have been all over the deck.
43:11That's what I'm here for, wouldn't I?
43:13I feel like we've made a bit of a difference.
43:15I do feel like we came into this really unaware of what we were getting involved in.
43:22Thanks, darling, thank you.
43:24Honestly, I don't really know what I'm doing either, I'm just making up as I go along as well.
43:28I feel that the least we can say, we left a mark.
43:32Yeah.
43:32Yeah.
43:32We've done something.
43:34I'm lazy now.
43:34And not a skid mark.
43:37Like a good mark.
43:38Yeah.
43:38A mark of love, respect, integrity.
43:41Yeah.
43:47Are you ready?
43:50Are you ready?
43:53Are you ready?
43:56Are you ready?
43:58I'm on the telly.
44:00Oh, it's nuts.
44:09When Danny Dyer first came on the site,
44:11they said, oh, Danny's doing this, Danny's doing that.
44:13I thought, yeah, that's a load of bullshit.
44:19If you want the honest truth, I thought, what a dickhead.
44:23But when you meet him,
44:27you can't get a better fella.
44:29Every woman, every man
44:32joined the caravan of love.
44:36Stand up, stand up, stand up.
44:39Everything that Danny's done this year,
44:41I just think it's brilliant.
44:43There's no bullshit with him, excuse my language.
44:46Stand up, stand up, stand up.
44:50When you get a caravan,
44:51you do discover a new way of living, if you like.
44:54It's like being at home, except you're on holiday.
44:58If I don't know the caravan holiday,
45:00you won't know the holiday.
45:01As simple as that, that's what I say.
45:05Oh, I can't even think of a life
45:07about Priory Hill and Nuts Farm.
45:10That would be unbearable.
45:11I can't think of a life about the caravan.
45:15When it's time to go, it's really sad.
45:18It's like leaving part of myself behind.
45:23I think they've done a terrific job for the first season.
45:26Let's hope it continues.
45:31My caravan is my life.
45:35I just love it.
45:38They'll have to carry me out of me box.
45:40That's what they'll have to do.
45:52I'm forever plowing bubbles.
45:56Breath, the bubbles in the air.
46:02They fly, so I can nearly reach the sky.
46:06And just like my dream, they fight and die.
46:12Have a new iron!
Comments