- 10 hours ago
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00:04Best MDMA in Berlin, Dan, and take it from me, the MDMA in this city right now is, I mean,
00:10it's excellent.
00:12Have you ever read Primo Levi's essay on shame?
00:19He wrote it 40 years after leaving Auschwitz.
00:22He was trying to make sense of why he survived and others didn't, but he couldn't.
00:28A year later, he threw himself from the landing of the house that he was born in and fell three
00:32floors to his death.
00:36Dan, we're here. On a rooftop. In Berlin. The sun is setting. This club is gorgeous.
00:44And there is no one here who is not a grade one decent human being.
00:48There will never come a better time for you to drop a pill than this exact moment.
00:56Should I just leave Paul?
00:58Well, you've never drunk or taken drugs. Half is sensible.
01:02But you did just bring up suicide.
01:04And the Holocaust.
01:06In a nightclub.
01:08So.
01:17Oh, yeah.
01:26Oh, yeah.
01:27Oh, my God.
01:28Oh, yeah.
01:31Oh, yeah.
01:33Oh, yeah.
01:47How do you feel it now?
01:49Yeah.
01:50Your eyes! I literally just thought of your eyes.
01:53It's good.
01:54Oh my god.
01:55Yes.
01:56Oh wow.
01:56How does it feel?
01:58You feel good?
01:59Yeah.
02:06No more.
02:14Yeah.
03:24This is the best juice I've ever tasted.
03:27What?
03:30Oh, my God. That's amazing. Do you want a sip?
03:35Do you not hear any of what I just said?
03:38What are you talking?
03:40Oh, my God. Yes.
03:43I've been talking for like two minutes.
03:46Sorry.
03:52Seriously, this juice though, why is it so good?
03:54Oh, my God.
03:56Oh, my God.
04:02Oh.
04:03Oh, my God.
04:05Oh, my God.
04:19Oh, my God.
04:42We're making this beautiful loaf.
04:45So into all of your leavens, plus 650 grams of water, all of our flour.
04:50Now it's time to combine everything.
04:53Work it until there's no dry flour left.
04:55And now let's go rest for 30 minutes.
04:59This is called the auto-vise.
05:02When you give the...
05:13We are going to do stretcher pulls here too.
05:17But since you guys are more advanced, we're going to first start with this.
05:22Flat down, pull back, pull apart, and fold.
05:25And you'll see as I do this that the dough will go from shaggy and messy to smooth and strong.
05:31Now, if I were using my conventional oven, I would preheat to 485 degrees Fahrenheit.
05:38In my romco, I set the dial to 250 degrees Celsius.
05:42That's 482 degrees Fahrenheit.
06:07You made this, Dan?
06:10Yep.
06:12It looks real.
06:14It is real.
06:15I made it.
06:17You're a person who bakes bread now then, eh?
06:21Yes, I think maybe I am.
06:23How was it, Berlin?
06:25It was amazing.
06:28I felt better there than I felt in years.
06:30Good.
06:31That's good.
06:32You deserve that.
06:33It won't be long.
06:35It's just so good at getting Dean down.
06:37It drives me nuts, to be honest.
06:44Have you, um, heard from the governor yet?
06:49Expecting a call any day now.
06:52I really should get a lawyer.
06:54You haven't got a lawyer yet?
06:58Dan, you need to get a lawyer.
07:00Yeah, I know.
07:00Dan, get a lawyer.
07:05I can't bury your head with this.
07:07This is going to get real very soon.
07:08Yeah, I know.
07:09It's just...
07:16Lee told you how we met, right?
07:19Yeah.
07:20You met in recovery?
07:23Yeah, but did he tell you how I ended up in recovery?
07:26No.
07:27I mean, he said that something happened,
07:30but he didn't say what.
07:32Well, I used to work as a prison officer.
07:34You know that.
07:36And I was on a young offenders unit,
07:38which, they're the worst.
07:40Just, yeah, testosterone raging.
07:43Teens trying to prove themselves.
07:47One day, in the chapel,
07:49I'm trying to break up a fight between three lads.
07:53I get caught in the middle,
07:55pushed to the ground,
07:56and they turned on me.
07:59Kicked me in the head.
08:01Face, ribs, kidneys.
08:05And then...
08:07eight other lads
08:08ran over and joined in.
08:11Oh, Jesus Christ, Laura.
08:12Yeah.
08:15Yeah, so I was bedridden,
08:16and they put me on codeine
08:19for the pain.
08:22And then when I did go back,
08:25well, I hadn't seen the faces
08:26of the lads
08:28who jumped in,
08:29so every time
08:31I'm with one of them,
08:32part of me is thinking,
08:34was it you?
08:37So I just
08:39fell deeper into codeine
08:40and fell too deep to get out.
08:46Thing is, I...
08:49I hated
08:51those boys.
08:53But I also
08:54found it hard
08:55to blame them.
08:59I mean,
09:00most of them
09:01had called me mum
09:02by mistake
09:03at some time or another,
09:05and I just...
09:07I just couldn't do it
09:08no more, Dan.
09:11I was...
09:14neither one thing
09:15nor the other.
09:21It's being split
09:22that kills you.
09:31Jesus Christ.
09:35I had no idea
09:36that that happened to you, Laura.
09:38What am I going to do?
09:41Carry it around
09:41with me for the rest of my life?
09:47Down!
09:48Boo-fucking-yah!
09:49God, you are so annoying.
09:51Well, what can I say?
09:52The boy loves his daddy.
09:54You coming?
10:02See you later.
10:03Right.
10:07So, you finally took drugs, eh?
10:10Did you like it?
10:12Yes, he liked it.
10:15So, you go abroad,
10:16drop an E,
10:17come back,
10:17start baking?
10:19Yeah, it's the new me.
10:21I'm glad that that
10:22will learn Sanskrit.
10:24And this baking,
10:25did it involve
10:26using your oven
10:27by any chance?
10:28It did.
10:29Yeah.
10:31I used my oven.
10:32And?
10:34And it took me
10:35an hour and 15 minutes
10:36to go out of the house.
10:39I had to wait
10:39for the cooker
10:40to get ice cold
10:40before I could walk out.
10:43Hey.
10:46All right.
10:48Here's what you do.
10:49You're going out, right?
10:52You pull a table
10:53in front of your oven,
10:54you put everything
10:54you need on it.
10:55Phone, wallet, keys,
10:56all of it.
10:57Get ready,
10:58take a shit,
10:58crafty wank,
10:59whatever.
11:00Then you go back
11:01to that table
11:02and you put each one
11:02of those things
11:03in your pocket.
11:03Then,
11:04you touch each gas ring
11:06once.
11:07You look in the oven
11:08once.
11:08You look in the grill
11:09once,
11:10just once.
11:11You don't do anything
11:12more than once
11:13and then you say
11:15goodbye and good fuck
11:16and you walk out
11:17that door
11:17and then,
11:18and Dan,
11:19this is the most
11:19important bit.
11:22You do not come back.
11:27That sounds like
11:28surprisingly good advice.
11:33Thanks.
11:37You're not inside yet, Dan.
11:40You've got your case,
11:41defence,
11:42appeals.
11:45You take it one step
11:46at a time,
11:47yeah?
11:56You're looking better.
11:58I'm back in the meetings,
12:00doing what I need to do,
12:01you know?
12:03And you?
12:11Do you remember
12:11the, um,
12:14the prisoner
12:14that I told you about
12:15that your dad's pad me?
12:18You're not talking to him
12:19again, are you?
12:19No, no, no.
12:21I'm on suspension.
12:22I couldn't even
12:23if I wanted to.
12:27But he told me
12:28that the guy
12:28got released.
12:33I checked the dates
12:36and I know
12:36who he is.
12:39His name's
12:39Matthew Hall.
12:43I arranged
12:43to meet him
12:44this afternoon.
12:51Okay.
12:52Well, I wish
12:52that I could walk away.
12:53I wish I could just
12:55move on
12:56like you and Laura,
12:57but I can't.
13:00Mum says that
13:00I love the man
13:01that I know I hated.
13:02How can I move on?
13:04We want you to be
13:05Dean's godfather.
13:08Me and Laura
13:09were getting him christened.
13:10We want you to be
13:11the godfather.
13:13But he needs stability, Dan.
13:16He needs a godparent
13:17who can walk out the door
13:18and meet him
13:18on time,
13:19who isn't obsessed
13:21by a man
13:21who tossed him aside
13:23like a
13:23huge snot rag
13:2525 years ago.
13:37Don't go and see this guy.
13:39Just walk away, yeah?
13:40Just walk away now.
13:53Okay.
14:08I believe that
14:11we'll make you
14:11I don't know.
14:44Who's that?
14:45Uh, hello?
14:48Is that Matthew?
14:50Matty.
14:52Matty, um, it's, it, my name's Dan Stewart.
14:56We spoke on the phone.
14:57You're fucking late.
14:59I know, sorry, I, yeah, I was, I was late, the, um...
15:01I've been fucking waiting for you.
15:03You're 40 minutes late.
15:06Sorry about that.
15:07Yeah, the, um, the bus was stopped.
15:11Then when didn't you call?
15:13Uh, uh, my, sorry, my phone got nicked.
15:20Was it that skinny lad upstairs?
15:23What?
15:24Was it that skinny lad upstairs that nicked your phone?
15:27No.
15:29No, I've, I've only just got here.
15:33He's always nicked phones, he is.
15:37Supposed to be no crime here.
15:42Shh.
15:45Oh.
15:51Shh.
15:52You're welcome.
16:08Shh.
16:34I, um, brought some biscuits, digesters.
16:38Um, no, they're an own brand, uh, kind of like Hocknobs.
16:43Oh, fucking Hocknobs.
16:47You'll want a tea, then?
16:53How many sugars?
16:55None.
17:23Sorry about all the air fresheners.
17:25No, that's fine.
17:27He keeps cooking fish, that skinny lad.
17:29I think it's him anyway.
17:33Might be someone else, I don't know.
17:36He stinks.
17:42Are you okay here?
17:44I mean, is there anyone helping you since you got out?
17:49Is there help?
17:50What are you on about?
17:53We need to get a probation officer, but that's just to make sure you're not up to shite.
17:57There's no fucking help.
18:02Do you know where Basel is?
18:06Yeah.
18:09It's in Switzerland.
18:11Switzerland.
18:12That's right, yeah.
18:13I got a son out there.
18:15Working there he is.
18:16He's got two kids.
18:18And I was thinking of going out and seeing him.
18:21That sounds nice.
18:23Hmm.
18:25So can you get a plane there?
18:27Well, to Basel?
18:28Hmm?
18:29Yeah, sure.
18:31How much would that be?
18:33I don't know.
18:34Um...
18:35Maybe a few hundred.
18:37Well, a train.
18:38Can you get a train to Basel?
18:40I think you might have to change.
18:43How much would that cost?
18:45I really don't know.
18:47Okay.
18:49I mean, everything is online now.
18:51You know, I've been inside for 14 years.
18:53I don't know how to do all this fucking...
19:09So you were my dad's padmate?
19:12Hey.
19:14Eight months I was, yeah.
19:18Uh...
19:20What was he like?
19:22Your dad?
19:23Yeah.
19:24What was your dad like?
19:25Well, he was, uh...
19:28He was all right.
19:31Was he?
19:32Yeah.
19:34Yeah, he was all right.
19:35He was a...
19:36He was a laugh.
19:39My dad?
19:41My dad was...
19:42Was a laugh.
19:43Funny as fuck your dad.
19:46I did a good stretch with him.
19:48Laughed my way through most of it.
19:51Yeah.
19:52He was a good lad.
19:53Jerry's last fag he would.
19:55You know, and then they...
19:57Banned Sigs in prison and fucking ruined it.
20:01Much prison without a smoke.
20:03I tell you what, I'll never go back there now.
20:07That just doesn't sound like the man that I remember.
20:10Yeah, well, I'm not fucking lying, you know.
20:12Well, I'm not...
20:13I'm not...
20:13I'm not...
20:13Yeah, until they make months.
20:16Every day.
20:18I know him better than you.
20:24He was a good lad.
20:26He had his moods, yeah.
20:28But he was a good lad.
20:30And he helped me with reading letters for my son.
20:33Other lads, they'd take the piss if they read a soft word.
20:35And then you'd be into something like...
20:37But not him.
20:37Not your dad.
20:39He understood kindness.
20:40Did he?
20:40Yeah, he fucking well did.
20:44Look, you knew the man on the out.
20:46But I knew the inside man.
20:48The man who was always there.
20:49The man who can't hide.
20:51Well...
20:53Which do you think is more real?
20:59I fucking hate hobnobs.
21:01All them fucking bits and that.
21:06I don't like fucking bits.
21:10What's wrong with the chocolate digestive?
21:16Did he ever talk about my mum?
21:20Yeah.
21:22Every single day.
21:25What was...
21:27Was he still angry with her then, or...?
21:30He wasn't angry.
21:31He was in love.
21:32Excuse me?
21:33He loved her.
21:35Always going on about her, he was.
21:37He said the greatest privilege of his life was to have held her in his arms.
21:42I mean, he'd say that two or three times a week.
21:46I mean, another man you'd get fucking chopsy with for that, but not your dad.
21:51That you didn't mind, like, cos...
21:54Cos he was a good'un.
21:55My dad said those words.
21:58He said...
21:59She made him a better man.
22:01But that he wasn't good enough.
22:04He wasn't angry with her.
22:08He was too busy loving her.
22:15Well...
22:16I'm getting tired now.
22:20If I go out of my nap, I have to have a nap in the afternoon.
22:25And...
22:28Is there anything else?
22:32Did he ever talk about me?
22:37You're not the drug one, are you?
22:44No, son.
22:47He never talked about you.
22:59I got it.
23:05No, son.
23:05No, son.
23:05Here he is.
23:05Let's go with Allison's murder
23:06You have all time...
23:06All soon.
23:25I don't know.
24:03I don't know.
24:32I don't know.
24:35I don't know.
24:38I don't know.
24:42I don't know.
25:08I don't know.
25:28I don't know.
25:39I don't know.
25:41I don't know.
25:45I don't know.
25:59I don't know.
26:01I don't know.
26:14I don't know.
26:32I don't know.
26:39I don't know.
27:14I don't know.
27:31I don't know.
27:55Come on.
28:02You've elected not to have a lawyer present.
28:04That's right.
28:06Can I ask why?
28:08There's no new information.
28:11I told you the truth.
28:12You know everything.
28:14Why didn't you tell me your father was a prisoner?
28:17Well, I've not seen him in 20 years.
28:19He's not a part of my life.
28:21Isn't he?
28:23Things like that can have a long tail.
28:26He's just not a part of my life.
28:31What is it you think you've been doing here, Dan?
28:35What am I? Sorry?
28:36What have you been achieving?
28:43Um...
28:48People...
28:49People sort of enjoy thinking.
28:53Even those who seem not to be good at it.
28:57Thinking is human.
29:01My course lets them think for a bit.
29:06It lets them feel human.
29:11The reason I operate a zero-tolerance policy, as regards staff and contraband, isn't piety.
29:18It's out of necessity.
29:20In common with every facility in this country, my prison is rife with drugs, violence and extortion.
29:27The levers I have at my disposal to stop staff exploiting or being exploited are very few.
29:33Prosecuting people like you, to the full extent of the law, is really the main one.
29:40I do it because it works.
29:42I understand.
29:45So, in light of that, I've decided not to prosecute.
29:51Excuse me?
29:52You didn't do what you did for gain. That's clear.
29:55So, prosecution serves no purpose other than to deprive the men of something they seem to like.
30:01You're right.
30:03They do like to think.
30:04It does make them feel human.
30:06It's better for me to have humans in it.
30:09Humans I can deal with.
30:10Sorry, I'm okay. I'm not going to get...
30:12I'm lifting suspension.
30:14Effective immediately.
30:17This is only one of a handful of times in the last 15 years I've given a second chance for
30:21something like this.
30:22There won't be a third.
30:24Do you understand that?
30:25Yes, I do.
30:36What's wrong with you?муh
30:49Hey,
30:52hey! Hey,
30:54hey, hey. Hey,
30:55what's wrong? Hello...
30:56Yeah,
30:56I'm okay. You okay?
30:58I'm okay.
30:59I'm okay.
31:00thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
31:30uh
32:05we all wander far from god and lose our way christ comes to find us and welcomes us home
32:12in baptism we respond to his call therefore i ask do you turn away from sin i do do you
32:23reject evil
32:25do you turn to christ the saviour
32:32oh
32:49look good with that baby in his arms didn't it girl
32:51for you this time is all did look good though well you know what they say laura one grandchild is
32:57plenty but two is even better no one's up or three or four or five here pack it in you
33:06you did look good with that baby though
33:12last time he was here was for martin's funeral
33:17it's nice to be back like this
33:22well i hear you're you're a baker now
33:25sour though martin would be proud
33:33sorry about what i said um the last time that we uh
33:41you never need to say sorry danny not to a parent we're bolted on
33:54i took drugs
33:56oh my god why are you telling me that danny i'm your bloody mum you told me to
34:01yeah well i didn't think you were going to come and tell me all about it
34:04oh jesus christ danny
34:08what drugs did you do then actually don't tell me i don't want to know well go on then what
34:11did you do
34:14sorry it was just it was recreational it wasn't it wasn't anything you know
34:17are you gonna do it again i mean do i need to worry no look mum i just i just
34:22went out and did
34:23normal things i thought you'd want to know that i was being normal oh oh oh this is you being
34:28normal take drugs then very normally come and tell your mum all about it uh christening just like
34:33normal people do
34:34all right mum
34:38i'm pleased you're being normal
34:46he always was proud of you
34:50martin
34:54he was proud of you every single day
35:02just like we all are
35:35so after a few minutes of this i'll stop
35:38i'll turn around and i'll go oh oh i'm sorry sir i didn't know you were there
35:43i couldn't hear over the sound of all that honking
35:47oh my god what did he do well he loses it he bangs his foot on the accelerator goes all
35:54the way around
35:55the outside of the car park to get around me so i thought all right so i just slipped on
36:01up
36:02and blocked the exit you didn't big line of fucking trolleys
36:07he gets round and there's me kneeling doing my shoelace
36:14the next thing i know he's nudging right up to my trolleys he starts shunting them
36:19what with his tesla with his fucking tesla oh my god what did you do frank well i just stood
36:26there watching that massive scraping sand of metal there isn't finally i'll step in and i'll say excuse me sir
36:36i would not advise you to do that and he says i don't take advice from the likes of you
36:44and i'll say i'll say i would if i were you sir because you're ripping your
36:48fucking bumper off
36:51it's ripped him right off then
36:55hey next thing i know there's a copper down what why i don't know no idea someone must have phoned
37:02him
37:03tesla's ecstatic he's straight with this man has kidnapped me he says
37:10and on our kidnap he says well this copper he takes one look at me he comes over and says
37:19all right frank how you doing he's only one of the bunch that nicked me and vinnie last time
37:24no no no they loved us when they nicked me and vinnie they was as good as gold
37:32most of these only get to deal with junkies but we was proper criminals
37:37they had a board up with pins and strings all our crimes on mum she's so proud
37:43and he's all right good to see you frank you're looking so well oh you put a bit of weight
37:50on
37:50glad to see your back on your feet you keep your nose cream
37:54then he turns to elong fucking musk nix him for criminal damage and threatening behavior
38:29all right
38:33Um, I'm going to go home, get ready, I've got a date, well it's not a date, I'm, I'm
38:41meeting Natasha.
38:43Yeah?
38:44Yeah.
38:45It's not a date, we're just going to get a coffee.
38:49Still, that is something.
38:51Yeah, yeah, it's something, isn't it?
38:58Thanks for asking me, Lee, it's a great honour.
39:00No.
39:01You soppy twat.
39:04Come on.
39:05Hi.
39:06Ooh, I got you, I got you.
39:10Right.
39:11Let go of it then.
39:13Let go of what?
39:15The guilt.
39:20Do you know why Dad walked out on us, the actual reason?
39:26Because he's a fucking idiot.
39:30That's all.
39:32It's no deeper than that.
39:36You look at this boy and you tell me it's any deeper than that.
39:47Get out.
39:49It's alright.
40:07It's alright.
40:09It's alright.
40:10Okay.
40:31You're not going to explain.
40:31I got a little bit of something.
40:32What are you going to do?
40:32I got my life for you, but I'll go from the lib.
40:33So what you want to do is I want to go?
40:33I'm going to well.
40:36I want to go of it.
43:03Goodbye and good fuck.
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