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00:12Live from the Las Vegas Adult Paintball Pavilion and Event Space, it's the 50th Annual Golden
00:18Gavel Lawyer Awards, brought to you by Jingle Supermarkets.
00:22Jingles, that's what the grocery stores here are called.
00:25The stars are truly out.
00:27Oh, in from bustling Carson City, there's Nevada's coolest lawyers.
00:32Bring us in bench.
00:33It's an honor just to be a knee breed.
00:35Haha, stay in school.
00:37And here's up-and-comers, Lincoln Gum and Sheila Flambe.
00:40They've made a big mark this year despite having stupid, food-sounding names.
00:44Sheila, who are you wearing?
00:46Oh, Margo, I don't kiss and tell.
00:49Oh, you mean my dress.
00:50It's by Jingle's Dresshole.
00:52Oh, of course it is.
00:53Now, Lincoln, it's the first Gigi since your mother, Marsha Gum, was tragically obliterated.
00:58How are you feeling?
01:00Like an ant at a picnic.
01:03Speaking of your mom, are you excited that tonight Steve Nichols is going to finally give
01:09her the tribute she deserves after the disastrous funeral?
01:11Oh, I wouldn't call it-
01:13We have a clip.
01:15My mom was, she was special at-
01:20Terrible job, son.
01:22You're humiliating me in front of the devil.
01:26No, we'll never marry.
01:29Yeesh.
01:30I've come a long way since then, Marsha.
01:32I mean, Margo.
01:33Anyway, that's old news.
01:35We're up for firm of the year and best commercial, baby.
01:38It's our night.
01:39Sheila the Human Highlight Reel flambé and...
01:43I want to say Clinton Jellybee?
01:45Yep.
01:45Sheila's right.
01:46Also, I promise, she knows my name.
01:48Hey, watch this.
01:49Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
01:51Oh, wow.
01:53Sheila!
01:54Sheila!
01:55Sheila!
01:55Sheila-nomics!
01:57Giro dreams of Sheila!
01:59Yo quiero Sheila Bell!
02:01For those just joining us, the Human Highlight Reel is pulling tons of focus by re-appropriating
02:06out-of-date catchphrases and doing a dance that can only be called the Sheila.
02:10Beef!
02:10It's what's for Sheila!
02:12Yes, yes.
02:13Everyone loves gum and flambé's better half.
02:15But let's not forget, tonight's about my late partner, Marsha Gumm.
02:19And by extension, me.
02:20It's been a break-in at the Sheila Gate Hotel!
02:23Just wait to my ultra-respectful five-star three-ring multimedia tribute to the late Marsha.
02:28It's...
02:29Here's Sheila!
02:31Ah!
02:33Sheila, are you okay?
02:34Did you...
02:35You can break my pussy?
02:35Of course not.
02:36What a stupid question.
02:38It's gonna...
02:39It's my relax sound because of how normal my pussy is.
02:43Gonna be somber as hell, yo.
02:46Well, there you have it, folks.
02:48Another Magical Vegas Jee-Kies.
02:50Oh, my God.
03:20You know I love you, baby.
03:23Stop!
03:24Yeah!
03:27I love you too.
03:33Man, I thought tonight was about me being out of my mom's shadow.
03:37But it's like I'm still under her as she towers over me.
03:40And all I can do is look right up between her giant legs.
03:44Lincoln, I think it's time to look at the memento tattoo I gave you while you were sleeping again.
03:50And tonight is about us.
03:52So just relax, get drunk, have fun, and don't worry.
03:58You're right.
03:58Now admit you broke your pussy.
04:00No!
04:01Nothing bad has ever happened to me.
04:03Hurt pussy, eh?
04:05Now that's what I call a...
04:07I got nothing.
04:08Glenn, you look great.
04:10Someone slept inside last night.
04:13Okay, I'm going to work the room.
04:15Maybe land us a big new client.
04:16Glenn, you know everyone.
04:18What do I need to know?
04:19Oh.
04:20Well, that's Steve Nichols.
04:21I believe he's a lawyer of some kind.
04:24Yeah, I know him, Glenn.
04:25Who else?
04:26All right, let's see.
04:27That's Billy Grimple.
04:28He owns La Bouche, the mouth-themed casino.
04:30That's Showbiz Entertainment Cheese.
04:33He runs a hedge fund.
04:34And oh, that's Anita Chingles.
04:37She was your mom's biggest client.
04:39And who's that guy?
04:40I think his name is Steve Nichols.
04:42No, that guy.
04:44I need to leave.
04:46I broke my pussy.
04:47What?
04:48Glenn?
04:49If that were true, he wouldn't be able to walk like that.
04:51I assume.
04:52Well, maybe Irene and her new boyfriend will be normal.
04:55Irene has a boyfriend?
04:56What is he, like a biker or a gangster?
04:59Rebel with or without a cause?
05:00Hey, Sheila.
05:01This is Gordo Cipollini.
05:04Hey.
05:05And, of course, the famous Patrick.
05:08I am humbled to meet you, Monsieur Gumb, Madame Flambe.
05:13Oh, my God.
05:15Hi, Gordo.
05:15Hi, Patrick.
05:16Who wants to see me twirl?
05:18The show is starting.
05:20Everyone be quiet.
05:24I was roaring the law late one night when my eyes beheld a lawyer's side.
05:31For the gavel from the charge began to rise.
05:35And suddenly, we testified.
05:38We did the mash.
05:39We loved your lawyer's mash.
05:41We did the mash.
05:42Such inconfrensible beauty.
05:45We love your judge.
05:54Hello, I'm Mayor George Wallace.
05:56Welcome, everyone, to the 50th Annual Golden Gavels.
05:59Brought to you by tingles and reruns of the lawyer's show, Bull.
06:03If you haven't yet, feel free to ride the mechanical bull from Bull.
06:07Yee-haw!
06:09This is, of course, my adopted brother, our beloved lunch meat.
06:13I'm full of beans.
06:16Wow, this cat trades right off the bat.
06:19What a crowd we have tonight.
06:21But everyone might as well go home.
06:24Because right in his usual seat, I see five-time winner, attorney Merle Streep from his firm, Streep Law.
06:31Let someone else win for a change, Merle.
06:35Truly, all the greats are here tonight.
06:38Also, Sheila Flambe.
06:42Sayin' that Sheila isn't one of the greats.
06:45Sheila didn't even know she was nominated.
06:47She just heard they're giving out a prize for the most hung jury.
06:53Cause of my unharmed privates.
06:55T-M-I.
06:57It's other cat trades.
06:59Is that Lincoln gum I see with Sheila?
07:03Seriously, Lincoln.
07:05Your mother's death was the hugest deal in the world.
07:09Let's have a moment of silence for the most important person in the room right now.
07:12Marsha Gumm's spirit.
07:21But I'm still full of babes!
07:26We've got a really, really great show for you tonight.
07:29The 50th annual GGs will be right back.
07:32Show will resume in five minutes.
07:36It's our night, and I'm coming for you, Steve.
07:41Jesus Christ, after all this time?
07:49Wow, hello there!
07:51My name is, uh, Robert E.
07:55Don't say Lee.
07:56Don't tell him your name is Robert E. Lee.
07:58Robert E. Zombie.
08:01Industrialist.
08:02What are we gabbing about here at this fine table here?
08:06Well, we were talking about gum and flambé.
08:08Ooh, Lincoln gum, he is a fine litigant.
08:12He's got me out of many a fine pickled pepper.
08:16I employ slave labor, you see.
08:18White slave reminds you nothing untoward.
08:21And Lincoln gum has kept me out of the fire,
08:24I profited off my white slaves for years and years.
08:30You're doing a great job hiding and drumming up business for Lincoln.
08:34I love you, Glenn.
08:36I love you, too.
08:39Oh, I mean, uh, I love you, too.
08:41The band.
08:42Yeah, that'll cover it.
08:44Anyway, about my white child slaves.
08:48Good evening.
08:49Any of you fine people seen a man by the name of Glenn Blorchman?
08:53He's about 5'10".
08:54Looks like one of them creatures the Bible warns of.
08:57No, sir.
08:58And I'd be able to.
08:59I'm very tall.
09:04You're welcome, Glim.
09:06Glim?
09:06How dare you?
09:08I challenge you to a duel.
09:11No!
09:12Stop!
09:13I can't.
09:14And Marsha just looked up at me and said,
09:18You know, Stephen, I was trying to buy a gumball the other day and it occurred to me that a
09:25nickel can't buy a piece of gum because gum is worth more than nickels.
09:32Well, Lincoln is on the penny, which last I check is worthless next to a nickel.
09:37And nickels is plural.
09:40Uh, yes.
09:42Well, Jefferson is on the nickel and he invented the lazy Susan.
09:47And in court, you're lazy at Sue-in.
09:51Where is everybody going?
09:53You think this is an award show?
09:56This is an arena where we battle it out to see who's remembered as Marsha's successor.
10:00And I'm about to memorialize her so hard that people are going to think you were just Marsha's butler.
10:06I only did that for 12 Halloweens.
10:09My God, the show is starting any second.
10:11Everyone get back to your seats.
10:12Dammit, this is so bad.
10:14And now the nominees for Best Commercial, Sheila Flambe and Irene Gumm for Laubert Rising.
10:21Stay for one drink.
10:23We should talk.
10:24Laubert, Laubert, Laubert.
10:28You were my mom's best client, friend?
10:32To Marsha, they were the same thing.
10:34Mike Milk for The Milk Is Fresh.
10:37I've heard what people are saying.
10:39Mike Milk is just tall.
10:41And Mike Milk uses being tall to cover for not going to law school.
10:46Well, to the haters, I say, check this out.
10:50I'm sunglasses now.
10:56Your mommy would be so proud.
10:58She used to always brag about how she was turning you into a little clone of her.
11:02Yeah, I'm kind of trying to do my own thing.
11:05Step out of her shadow, stop accidentally sexualizing her, etc.
11:09Oh, sweetie, why would you ever do that?
11:11Kyle and Skyl Munt.
11:13We almost do it all.
11:16I'm Kyle Munt.
11:17And I'm Skyl Munt.
11:18And do you know what makes us Vegas' number one twin lawyer team?
11:22What, sweet brother?
11:23We do it all.
11:25Slip and fall accidents.
11:27Medical malpractice.
11:28Laser injuries.
11:29Nursing home abuse.
11:30The only thing we don't do is have sex with each other.
11:34We've never even thought about it.
11:35We're focused on you.
11:37Kyle and Skyl took my eviction case without once having sex or even fooling around.
11:42We lost, but there was no funny business.
11:44Even if we wanted to, our bunk bed would make it too difficult.
11:50I've heard about Steve's five-star, three-ring multimedia tribute to Marsha.
11:55Did you know he has a hologram?
11:56Steve has a hologram of my mom?
11:59So let me tell you what I'm going to do.
12:00My company is sponsoring this show, Chingle Supermarkets.
12:04That's what grocery stores are called here.
12:06Yes, I'm going to pull some strings.
12:08You'll deliver a beautiful, heartfelt speech.
12:10Make up for that fiasco of a eulogy.
12:13And maybe Chingle's leaves Steve Nichols and Associates for an ambitious young firm?
12:17Sure.
12:18A heartfelt, non-disastrous memorial to my mom.
12:22Easy.
12:23And the winner for best advertisement is...
12:27Irene Gumm and Sheila Flambe for Lawbird Rising!
12:35Oh, man, I dedicate this award to my boyfriend, Gordo featuring Patrick.
12:40Well, I'm no good at speeches.
12:43Not like Sheila.
12:44Sheila!
12:45Sheila!
12:46Sheila!
12:47Sheila!
12:48Sheila!
12:50Sheila!
12:51Sheila!
12:52Sheila!
12:53Ah!
12:58Awesome!
12:58New noise from Sheila!
12:59Sheila is amazing!
13:01Do the Sheila!
13:02Yeah!
13:03Do the Sheila!
13:05She's overcome with emotion!
13:07I could watch this forever!
13:09The 50th Annual GGs will be right back.
13:16So, crazy weather lately.
13:18We won!
13:19Did you see my speech?
13:21What?
13:22I sure did.
13:23You were wonderful, sweetheart.
13:25And what about you, dude?
13:27Did you see your firm win an award?
13:28Or were you too busy writing your manifesto?
13:30I didn't.
13:31Huh?
13:32Sorry.
13:33Speech.
13:33For Mom.
13:34A lot riding on it.
13:35Jingle's gotta go bathroom.
13:36Fresh in your drinks, Sawyer's.
13:41I'm a waiter named, uh, General Stonewall Flowers.
13:46Stonewall Flowers!
13:47Forget I said General, huh?
13:49Glen, what's going on?
13:51Why are you doing pistachio-disguise-style capers during an award show?
13:55Uh, well, once upon a time, a happy young farmer lived with his wife, Sarah.
14:02And one day, the farmer noticed some onions were missing.
14:06He chalked it up to varmints.
14:08Varmints?
14:09I hate those!
14:10But the next day, some potatoes went missing.
14:14Now, the farmer decided to keep watch, but he fell asleep.
14:19When he woke, he found Sarah asleep in the hay with a handsome bandit.
14:25A pot of stew between them, made with his vegetables.
14:30His vegetables?
14:31Hmm, the farmer wanted blood, but Sarah convinced them to settle it in court.
14:37On the stand, Sarah revealed the bandit was her first husband, who she thought had died in a rock slide.
14:44The men were at each other's throats, so the judge issued an old-fashioned sentence.
14:49A duel on the field of honor.
14:53That was legal?
14:54When was this?
14:551996.
14:57Now, it would start as soon as one party slapped the other one with a glove.
15:02But the bandit fled, never to be seen again.
15:07And with time, my anger subsided.
15:10Oh, it's you in the story!
15:13Yes!
15:14He must have seen me in the nominee announcement.
15:16He came here to kill me!
15:18Why not just go home so he can't slap you?
15:21Are you very stupid?
15:22I wanted to see you guys win!
15:24Aw, that's so stupid!
15:26Sheila, Sheila, you are the breakout star of the night, and we want to incorporate you into the big, physically
15:32demanding song and dance number.
15:33Do you want to do it, or is there some reason you can't?
15:42What's a good mom story I could tell?
15:46Summer camp?
15:47I don't think so.
15:48You'll be spending the summer with Mother at the Ariana Huffington Empowerment Retreat for the unapologetically annoying.
15:56Good news, Lincoln.
15:58He put up a fight.
15:59But I got the dean of your college to let me be your RA.
16:03Lincoln, guess what?
16:04The doctor gave me pills that'll make sure you never get pubes.
16:08What?
16:08Mom only implied that she didn't want me to have pubes.
16:12Ah!
16:14What's up, ass face?
16:16Guess who dropped six figures at Chingle's hologram supply to make your mom say anything I want?
16:22This Godzilla-dict hump master.
16:25You think a little speech is gonna do anything?
16:27Tonight is mine.
16:30Steve, this is weird, even for you.
16:32You have a wife and kids and stuff.
16:34And I think I'm realizing that you can't really make that thing say anything worse than what I'm already dealing
16:40with.
16:41Oh, yeah?
16:41What about this?
16:42Lincoln, I just want you to know.
16:45I'm proud of you, no matter what.
16:48Wait, that's it.
16:49I'll just lie.
16:51Thanks, Steve.
16:53Oh, uh, what a nerd.
16:56Right, Pinkus and Benj?
16:57Uh, yeah.
16:59Whatever, man.
16:59Good luck with the hologram or whatever.
17:01You embarrassed me!
17:03Hey, everyone, guess who didn't wash their hands?
17:07Woo-hoo!
17:09Welcome back to the Gigi Awards.
17:11Now for a special treat, we've got a musical tribute to, you're not gonna believe this, lawyers!
17:27And the award for best surprise witness.
17:30For the best supporting bartender.
17:32And the award for best objection goes to...
17:38Zepton the Gorilla!
17:39Mr. Ravioli-o!
17:42Kyle!
17:43And Skyle!
17:44Mark!
17:45And then Mom said,
17:47Lincoln, of course I'll give you a hug.
17:49I'm not embarrassed to do that in front of the mailman.
17:52No, that's too outlandish.
17:54So, where do you think Sheila's been this whole time?
17:57There she is!
18:04And now it is finally time for the In Memoriam Reel.
18:08Followed, of course, by Steve Nichols' five-star three-ring salute to Marsha Gum.
18:13And I'm told we're also gonna get a speech from Marsha's butler.
18:17Curtin' Jellybean?
18:30All right, it's funny, it's sweet, it's sad, it's complete horse shit.
18:35This'll work.
18:36Jesus, this is horrific.
18:38Yeah, a lot of people seem to die around us.
18:43Are you okay?
18:45You look a bit off.
18:46I'm great.
18:46I have a speech that's a real tribute to my mom.
18:49Good!
18:49Then you can work for me and stop associating with these disgusting clients and inane colleagues like your mom always
18:55wanted.
18:55My colleagues aren't inane.
18:59Plus, I thought you said mom would be proud of what I'm doing.
19:03What you're doing.
19:04Winning!
19:05She'd be ashamed of who you're doing it with.
19:08Uh, thank you.
19:10Mother's still ashamed of me.
19:13The devil still won't marry her.
19:15Lincoln!
19:16It is your friend Sheila!
19:18Your pussy is broken!
19:20What?!
19:21Please do not yell about pussy during the In Memoriam.
19:26Lincoln.
19:27Everyone in this life has a broken pussy.
19:29Some people's broken pussy is their fear of failure.
19:32For some, it's addiction.
19:34Some people's broken pussy is even a literal broken pussy.
19:37Not me, though.
19:38Your broken pussy is your mom.
19:40We had a great year.
19:41We won an award.
19:43Irene is dating a puppet boy.
19:45And you haven't been able to enjoy any of it because you're too busy trying to hide your broken, shattered,
19:50swollen pussy.
19:51Which, again, only you are doing and not me.
19:55Wow!
19:55A lot of people died this year.
19:58And now, to say a few words about his mom, Lincoln Gum.
20:07My pussy hurts.
20:09Wait, I mean, everything I am today, I owe to my mom, Marsha Gum.
20:15Aww.
20:17And I'm a wreck.
20:19Aww.
20:21My whole life, I've been trying to make the case that she was a good mom.
20:27She wasn't.
20:28But she was the best lawyer this town's ever seen.
20:32She even made Steve Nichols' evil ass successful.
21:03But she didn't take care of me.
21:05Dr. Duncan Stein Flambe.
21:07In conclusion, I'm done putting my mom on a pedestal.
21:13But all of you should.
21:15She'd sacrifice anything for the legal profession.
21:18I'm the proof.
21:19So, shove your GGs up your ass.
21:22We're leaving.
21:27I hate my mom.
21:28And my kids.
21:30I sent my son to a boarding school because I couldn't remember his name and I didn't want to ask.
21:35We have not had sex with each other.
21:38And I have to confess, I'm in love with you, Irene Gum.
21:43This cad Gordo doesn't appreciate you.
21:46Leave him and be with me.
21:49Oh, Patrick, I will.
21:57Oh, yeah.
21:58Here's Steve Nichols and his stupid hologram or whatever.
22:03Sometimes the law can get you down, can make you weep, can make you frown.
22:09But where to turn in dark of night, to help you with your legal plight.
22:16Nickels and gum are two things in your pocket.
22:23Come on, guys.
22:25Let's get some frosty chocolate milkshakes.
22:28All right.
22:28Now that that's over, the award for Firm of the Year goes to Gum and Flambe!
22:37Go ahead.
22:37I don't need it anymore.
22:42Congratulations, Sheila!
22:43And now, enjoy your ceremonial victory lap on the mechanical bull!
22:50What?
22:52What, bull?
22:53What, bull?
22:54What, bull?
22:57You know, Lincoln, you taught me something.
22:59You can run your whole life, but...
23:02Well, well, well.
23:05If it ain't Glenn Blorchman, or should I say Glenn Blakeman.
23:10Wow, you did a bad job changing your name in two different ways.
23:14Glenn Blakeman was the fake one.
23:16Enough!
23:16I know you're carrying Glenn, less do is cold clams.
23:23Glenn, you don't have to!
23:25I do, Irene.
23:27Like your uncle said, some wrong's gotta be righted.
23:42You win, Glenn, tell my son to use offer code DAD50 for a bonus bet on...
23:58You stupid son of a bitch.
24:00I wasn't scared of dueling because of you.
24:04I just didn't want to have to wake back up the killer in me.
24:13You stupid son of a bitch.
24:14No!
24:19We did it, y'all!
24:22Honestly, whatever at this point.
24:30He's dead.
24:32Good night, sweet Patrick.
24:35All right, Gordo, we're through.
24:36Holy shit.
24:38Phlegm, you killed the bandit.
24:41I was the bandit.
24:46Up next, the television event you've been waiting for.
24:50After ten epic years of crushing lawsuits,
24:52rocking designer suits,
24:53and peeping ladies in birthday suits,
24:55the lawyer princes of Carson City, Pringison Bench,
24:58are riding off into the sunset.
25:00But not before one last wild romp.
25:03Don't go anywhere, losers.
25:04It's the series finale of Pringison Bench.
25:34Their faces turned away.
25:37Chirp.
26:04Pringison Bench.
26:47You