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Suddenly Amish S01E08 A Day of Reckoning
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00:00Previously on Suddenly Amish.
00:02People are leaving the Amish community.
00:08I will be inviting English people into our community
00:11in hopes of repopulating the church.
00:14I've always been interested in the Amish community.
00:17The Amish way of doing things just makes more sense to me.
00:21You'll need to integrate into the Amish community.
00:26It will be your jobs to disciple them, to prepare them.
00:31I do not have a good standing in my community right now.
00:34I am shunned.
00:35By helping me, I'm offering James a chance at redemption.
00:38I don't expect these English to last more than a couple days.
00:42It is our responsibility to teach them what's right and what's wrong.
00:47I am escorting you off the property.
00:49He's chasing me with a f***ing axe.
00:51If I'm not strict enough, I might be the one paying the price.
00:54You're an English guy trying to drag off our Amish ladies.
00:58BJ says Kimber and Matt went off to a motel.
01:01I need to go find them.
01:03James is very unhinged.
01:05This community is not for me. I'm not here.
01:07I'm going home. I'm leaving.
01:09We're like dropping like flies here.
01:12My name is Judah.
01:13Yeah.
01:14And I am bi.
01:16I'm scared.
01:17I don't think that the Amish accepts anybody in the LGBT community.
01:21I'm going to just keep my little secrets to myself.
01:23My hearing aids are controlled by this.
01:26I'm going to have to take your phone now.
01:27If he takes my hearing aids away, that messes with my head.
01:31Welcome to the Amish.
01:32The hardest part for me is the heat.
01:36I feel like I'm dying.
01:37I studied, got my master's.
01:39I took now holding a broom to sweep floors.
01:42I'm such a step down.
01:47Reckoning Day is tomorrow.
01:50Tomorrow is a big day.
01:51At that time, the church will decide whether they can continue pursuing membership in the Amish church.
01:58I'm really concerned with the Amish dance against the LGBTQ community.
02:05I don't know if I'm ready yet to tell Allen and James that I'm bi, but I feel like I
02:10either talk to them about my sexuality now or it will never happen.
02:14My thing is this.
02:41Can I hear in the headphones what that sounded like?
02:52I don't know if I'm wrong, don't know if I'm right.
02:56Following the signs, chasing peace of mind.
02:59Running from the time, running from my mind.
03:01I've been trying to find, I've been trying to find me.
03:07Okay, keep that and then let me do it again.
03:10The song is going to be called Trying to Find Me.
03:15What's the inspiration for this?
03:16Just trying to find myself through everything that's going on in the way.
03:23I feel drained.
03:28I don't feel like my potential is being used.
03:33Like, who am I?
03:34What is this world?
03:36Who am I in it?
03:39My sexuality shouldn't label me.
03:42Why do I have to put up a front or be somebody different?
03:48My biggest fear is if the Amish will accept me for who I really am.
03:58It'd be crazy.
03:59I know God got my back.
04:11So, if I were gay, then I would not be able to be a part of the community.
04:16Is that what you're saying?
04:26My thing is this.
04:32Um...
04:35I'm bisexual.
04:40I mean, honestly, with me and my journey, I've been through so much in my life where I've
04:46hid myself from my mom, from my family, but I've been safe enough to be here and be myself
04:51around these people.
04:53I'm not going to do that.
04:57Him dropping this bomb, especially right before Reckoning Day, is very brave of him, I think.
05:03So, if the Amish community cannot accept me because of me being bi, then this is just
05:09not a community that I'm going to be a part of respectfully.
05:13With Judah coming out and saying that he's bisexual, it was shocking.
05:20Right now, I'm kind of torn because in the Old Testament, God clearly stated one man and
05:26one woman in marriage.
05:29The Bible says it's a sin for a man to lay with a man.
05:35It's definitely an area of concern.
05:38When Judah said that he was bisexual in the dinner table, Ty was worried a little bit
05:44because he's going to have to go in front of the fish.
05:48I don't know.
05:49I came to this talk like really ready to join the community, but now I'm just like, do I
05:54really want to keep hiding who I am?
06:28Today is Reckoning Day.
06:31This is something that I've always wanted so badly.
06:38And the more I think about it, the more I really don't know.
06:46I can't think about just me. It's also my family, and it's a lot.
07:04Today is Reckoning Day.
07:06James and I will be going in front of the bishop
07:09and making a case as to why we think the English that are still with us
07:15would or would not be a good fit for our community.
07:22Sarah and I, we did pray about this.
07:25And I really don't know what I'm going to say about each one.
07:30I would be lying if I said I wasn't tossing the turn the entire night.
07:34Just thinking about, okay, do I want, do I not want,
07:37what's he going to say, how would this go?
07:41This day is the day that everything changes for me.
07:44I'm just so sad because I've created all these bonds with everybody.
07:48And to see this about to come to an end, my heart's kind of broken
07:52and we're all going to have to make a decision.
07:54Do we want to be a part of an Amish community
07:56or do we want to go back to how we were before?
08:04Even if the congregation agrees to let us stay,
08:07we still have to make that decision for ourselves.
08:11So it's not the decision that the Amish are going to make about me.
08:15It's really the decision I have to make about them.
08:26In order to become Amish members,
08:30it would be a two to three year time span.
08:34And in that time,
08:36you would be expected to be a part of the community projects that go on.
08:41You would be expected to understand and experience the Dutch dialect.
08:49And at the end of this process,
08:53there would be a six months time of discipleship
08:57where you would examine the foundational principles
09:02of what the Amish believe about the Bible.
09:04And then if you agree to that,
09:08you would be expected to have an adult baptism
09:12and pronounce you a member of the church.
09:19The bishop brought together a select group of members
09:23to help us make decisions about these English people.
09:26I worry these English aren't ready
09:29to continue their journey here in the Amish community.
09:32If we don't accomplish anything from this mission,
09:35there's less chance of me falling in the good graces of the bishop
09:39and becoming unshunned.
09:50It's stressful. It's overwhelming.
09:54There's rows and rows of people from all over the community.
09:59And depending on your decision,
10:01this could be the community that you're joining.
10:05I know that I am being watched.
10:13The uncertainty is a nightmare.
10:19We're gathered here for this special service
10:25for the future of our church.
10:29God has sent six non-Amish people in our midst
10:37who wish to join our community.
10:42Four remain.
10:46It's a decision for life.
10:52Everybody's petrified.
10:54This is it.
10:56The moment of truth.
11:15I know that she's been obsessed with the Amish for a long time,
11:20but I didn't really, until the last few years,
11:23realize that she would like to be Amish.
11:29We are very close.
11:30It's a little scary that I might not be able to see her,
11:33but I want her to be happy.
11:36If the Amish rejected her, I would feel terrible for her.
11:47It's a decision for life.
11:55At the end of this service,
11:57I will ask the congregation to nod their heads
12:00if they agree to allow these candidates to continue with us.
12:04You may remain silent if you dissent.
12:08Alan and James, you've been house parents here.
12:12I would like to hear from you what you've observed
12:16and what your recommendations are,
12:18and we as a congregation will then make a decision.
12:23At this time, rise and share what you have to share.
12:31The air feels so thick right now.
12:34I'm anxious because I just came out to my Amish family.
12:38I don't know if Alan's going to have my back.
12:40I don't know what's going to go on.
12:46I'll start with Billy Joe.
12:49We've seen some growth in cooking,
12:52housekeeping, and so forth.
12:56Esmeralda, Esmeralda.
12:58She had a hard time to give up the items that she loved,
13:04but she understands she conformed.
13:09Aaron has been very cooperative.
13:12We've seen some community efforts
13:14helping out on the farm.
13:18So, yeah, I've been very impressed with Aaron.
13:22And Judah, he was scared of animals,
13:25but he's been helping out on the farm,
13:27feeding the animals and catching fish.
13:30Yeah, that was great.
13:35So, one question I would have for you is,
13:38do you have any recommendations,
13:40things that you would like to see them work on?
13:52Judah has, is, uh...
14:04Maybe something they, you wish they would change.
14:13Judah...
14:15To me, you're like a son.
14:19And, uh, I hope we can be a blessing to each other
14:22and to the people around us.
14:29For my part, I'd be ready to move forward
14:33and give these gentlemen and ladies an opportunity
14:35if they desire so.
14:44Good.
14:49When Judah said that he was bisexual
14:52in the dinner table,
14:53I wasn't too sure about what's going to happen.
14:57But as a person,
14:59I don't think I'm going to look at Judah
15:01any different way than I did before.
15:07Honestly, like, Alan almost brought me to tears
15:09because no matter what, you know,
15:11the Amish rules are,
15:12he accepts me.
15:14He loves me.
15:15He cares for me.
15:16And he knows my heart.
15:18Scripture states that one man
15:20and one woman in marriage.
15:22But being honest with myself,
15:24I saw more growth in Judah
15:27than probably any of the others
15:30and kind of made my decision on his growth.
15:34It was really brave of Alan
15:36to accept Judah
15:38and look past the rules.
15:41But I have no idea
15:43how James is going to react to this.
15:46Thank you, Alan.
15:48James, what would you have to say?
15:51I sense your opinion may be different.
15:56Well, I don't know.
16:00I don't know what's about to come out of his mouth.
16:02I mean, since day one,
16:03he chased somebody out the house with her ex.
16:05He's just a wild card.
16:07Who knows what James is going to do?
16:10A lot of them have ties back into their worldly lives.
16:16BJ likes her AC.
16:19Happy she came dressed Amish,
16:21but I don't think she can do without her modern conveniences.
16:25Esmeralda has one foot in,
16:27one foot out.
16:29A girly girl, sorry.
16:32Aaron has definitely integrated very well in a lot of ways,
16:36but he still struggles with the hearing aid thing.
16:39For James to stand up,
16:41give testimony to the community
16:43and give testimony to the bishop
16:46and say that even though he knows
16:49and he watched me,
16:51he mentored me,
16:54that really hurt.
16:56I feel like James hasn't really seen
16:59just like the changes I made to him.
17:02It's so like superficial
17:02that he doesn't think that it's growth.
17:05So it kind of feels like, okay, like,
17:08okay, cool.
17:08Like he's not proud of me,
17:09but I'm proud of myself.
17:16So, we're down to Judah.
17:21Judah has probably questioned the most.
17:26What do you actually want?
17:29From what?
17:32Do you want the Amish life or not?
17:41I love it here,
17:42and I'm having a great time.
17:44I met some amazing people
17:45and I'm super grateful for that.
17:50Kind of the main concern I had with Judah is
17:53some certain ways he wants to be creative
17:55that the Amish don't believe in being creative in.
18:01Bishop, if I may,
18:04I just want to be able to share the word of God.
18:06That's all I want to do.
18:14Judah, he's looking for more individuality.
18:18I would like to encourage us
18:21to accept Judah where he's at today.
18:25I would like to encourage Judah to continue growing.
18:28I think you would find some acceptance
18:33as you continue to grow.
18:35And I would just like to encourage the congregation
18:38on that point
18:40just to be more accepting,
18:42more loving,
18:43more gracious.
18:47I think James has been quite strict with them.
18:51Losing Matt, Kendra, and Emma
18:53is an example of this,
18:55but
18:57that is for a later discussion.
19:00Looks like the bishop and I need to have a conversation.
19:05I don't think he fully realizes
19:07how much effort I put into this.
19:09When we talk about the experience with Matt and Kendra,
19:13there's principles.
19:14The choices we make bring consequences.
19:19And James didn't care.
19:23I'm trying to be unshunned by my church.
19:26The bishop kind of has the final say-so,
19:28and if he has a bad impression of me,
19:31I'm not in a good position.
19:36At this time,
19:38could each of you in turn
19:39stand and say your peace?
19:42Aaron, if you would,
19:44would you come up here
19:45and just address the congregation
19:47and share your peace?
19:53I'm nervous.
19:55It's kind of in the hands of the bishop today,
19:57so it's pretty heavy.
20:01We have to explain
20:04why we've taken this journey on
20:05and what we want from that.
20:07So one thing that I love
20:09about the Amish
20:10is that they're simple people.
20:11They're beautiful
20:12in the way that they live their life
20:14of giving,
20:17but I have a disability with hearing.
20:20Okay.
20:20And in the community,
20:21that's extremely difficult.
20:24My phone is connected
20:27to my hearing aids,
20:28but then that was taken away.
20:30If I stay,
20:31that's a humongous life change.
20:35And I've been thinking on that a lot.
20:42So...
20:43Esmeralda?
20:48Hello, everyone.
20:52I hate public speaking,
20:53so having to go up there
20:55in front of community,
20:55I feel like it's just
20:56so much more pressure.
20:58I was so scared
21:00to leave my comfortable life
21:01back home
21:01and come here
21:02and pursue this
21:03because I knew
21:04it was going to be so challenging,
21:05but I feel like I learned conforming
21:08is not always a bad thing.
21:10I learned so much about confidence
21:12and that it's okay to be yourself here
21:15and not need makeup and fancy clothes
21:17to feel good about yourself.
21:19And I'm hoping to continue to grow
21:21and give back to the community
21:23that has given so much to me.
21:26You may take your seat.
21:28It was a lot of pressure,
21:29a lot of emotions,
21:30and again,
21:31I'm not good at public speaking,
21:32so I feel like the eyes of everyone
21:34in the community
21:34just looking at me.
21:37Lee Jo?
21:38Yes.
21:42All right.
21:44Hello, everyone.
21:51My mouth is dry.
21:54My hands are clammy.
21:58I want to impress the bishop.
22:00I want to impress the church,
22:02but at the same time,
22:04I'm not sure that I'm cut out
22:06for the Amish life.
22:08It's completely overwhelming.
22:45The enormity of this.
22:49This is like a job interview
22:52that I want so bad.
22:54So I am just saying
22:56what I think is the right thing
22:58and just speaking from my heart.
23:01I am grateful for Sarah and Alan
23:04and James
23:05and everything that you have taught
23:07myself and all the others.
23:10That it's not just about how you dress
23:13or what you can or cannot do.
23:16It's about your morals.
23:20I've loved so much.
23:21I will never get these moments back.
23:26It's a lot harder than I thought
23:29that it would be.
23:33Judah, would you like to share?
23:36Sure.
23:40Good evening to the congregation.
23:47The emotion is literally bottling up.
23:50It's like that feeling
23:51when you have so much to say,
23:53but it's all caught right here
23:54and you just really can't get it out.
23:57I'm sorry.
23:58What was I supposed to be sharing?
23:59I'm so sorry.
24:00Has there been enough positive
24:02to the experience
24:03that you would like
24:04to continue to learn from it?
24:06Are you saying,
24:07no, I'm done?
24:10I'm going to just say this.
24:12I've met some beautiful,
24:13amazing people
24:14on this journey with me
24:15and I've made community.
24:18I've literally faced fears here.
24:20I've pet animals.
24:22I've caught fish.
24:23I've been chased by chickens out here.
24:25I've done a lot out here.
24:26You know what I'm saying?
24:27And it wasn't for no reason.
24:30I would love to stay.
24:32And learn more about this community
24:34and learn more about myself and God
24:36because I've learned a lot here.
24:38End of the day,
24:39I would like for y'all
24:40to accept me for who I am
24:41because I accept each and every last
24:43one of y'all in these pews.
24:46We can all be who we are
24:48and still serve Jesus
24:50in each and every way.
24:53Thank you, Bishop.
24:58Can you hear me?
25:01Can you hear me now?
25:05Can you hear me now?
25:09At this time,
25:10if the congregation,
25:11if we're of one mind and heart,
25:15could we give a nod of assent
25:17if we would allow these four applicants
25:20to continue finding their way here?
25:29The decision obviously makes me nervous.
25:33I think I know what I want to do,
25:35but it's important that I feel that I'm accepted
25:39and that others will be accepted.
25:42Are we agreed to move forward
25:47graciously,
25:48with mercy,
25:50with love,
25:51with compassion?
25:53I've given up so much of my life to be here
25:55and I don't want it to be in vain.
25:58This is where our lives change.
26:01Are we prepared
26:02to allow these applicants
26:03to continue?
26:26I feel like there was a big sigh of relief after us.
26:30It's pretty heavy.
26:33The congregation has spoken,
26:35but for the English,
26:37I would like to encourage you
26:39to take it very, very seriously.
26:41In the Amish world,
26:42this decision
26:44is a lifelong decision.
26:46Take the time you need
26:48to think it through.
26:49Think about it.
26:51Bishop Vernon asking us
26:52to take a moment
26:53to step back
26:54and really, you know,
26:56think about the decision
26:57that we're going to make
26:58is a smart move.
27:00Take a day,
27:01breathe,
27:01and see if it's something
27:03that we really decide to do.
27:05Now,
27:05we all have a decision to make
27:07and I just hope
27:09that everyone makes
27:10the right decision
27:10for themselves.
27:12I'm super grateful
27:13that the bishop
27:13and the community
27:14gave me the opportunity to join.
27:16So,
27:17making this decision
27:18is going to be really hard.
27:20Try it.
27:23Wow.
27:25Cheers.
27:26Cheers.
27:30The bishop is just sitting
27:31in the back,
27:32just watching everybody,
27:33and his energy
27:34is real tense.
27:35I could just see
27:36by, like, body language
27:37there was something brewing.
27:40What we know
27:40is we didn't get kicked out,
27:42so cheers to that.
27:43So,
27:45if you're sincere,
27:46I told you
27:47that you could continue
27:48to sort through
27:50these things.
27:51But,
27:53I did not come here
27:54to create drama.
27:56And,
27:57I'll just be very,
27:58very frank.
27:59I am very,
28:01very upset
28:01with what happened
28:02with Kendra and Matt.
28:03I am very upset.
28:06I'll be honest
28:07with you, James.
28:08You need this experience
28:10as much as they do
28:11because you literally
28:12have walked away
28:13from the faith
28:15in Jesus Christ.
28:18James was rebellious,
28:20and he was a disappointment
28:21to me
28:24because in the Amish world,
28:26you're willing to say,
28:28okay,
28:28I made a mistake here.
28:29I think I should have
28:30done that differently.
28:32And that has not happened.
28:36I don't know
28:36what James was doing.
28:39That's not the Amish
28:40background I came from.
28:42I will not be a part
28:43of pounding on anybody
28:46and hurting people.
28:49I don't think
28:50the bishop should have
28:51gotten upset at me.
28:52I mean,
28:52I was just trying
28:53to keep law and order
28:54in this group.
28:56I mean,
28:56the fact is
28:57that Kendra and Matt
28:57went to a hotel
28:58and they shouldn't have.
29:00But,
29:01at the end of the day,
29:02he is in charge
29:03of making final decisions.
29:05And there's nothing
29:06I can really do.
29:10So,
29:11if you were to ask
29:12whether I would recommend
29:13James be unshunned
29:14in his community,
29:16the answer is
29:31no.
29:32Hey.
29:34Welcome to my classroom.
29:36This is my
29:37special ed class.
29:38And I have students
29:39that come in
29:40every single day.
29:41And we have goals,
29:42we have objectives.
29:44I guess I can relate
29:45to them because,
29:45you know,
29:46I do have a disability
29:47with my hearing.
29:48As you can see,
29:49they're in there.
29:51So,
29:52having my phone
29:53where I can adjust
29:54the volume
29:55is crucial
29:56because,
29:57how am I going
29:57to educate them
29:58if I can't hear them
29:59and get feedback
30:00or give feedback
30:01or just really
30:03be an advocate
30:04for these kids
30:06who might just need
30:06somebody to slow down
30:08with them?
30:09And,
30:09uh,
30:09I will miss that.
30:32I will miss that.
30:39I will miss my nose off.
30:40Like,
30:41the first night
30:41I was here,
30:42they obviously
30:42took away our phones,
30:43they took away
30:44all my makeup,
30:45all my, like,
30:45not modest clothes,
30:47but, yeah,
30:48it's all gone.
30:49It's all locked away.
30:52But, yeah,
30:53like,
30:53at church today,
30:54hearing everyone else
30:55kind of, like,
30:55made me also feel
30:56pressured
30:56to wanting to join
30:57the community.
31:00but the bishop
31:01also kind of
31:02gave us,
31:02like,
31:02the grace
31:03to really take
31:03our own time
31:04and make
31:04our own decisions.
31:05So, like,
31:06in the back of my head,
31:08I'm still like,
31:08do I really want this
31:09for the rest of my life?
31:23It just feels
31:24so bittersweet.
31:25Like,
31:25it feels just like
31:26yesterday.
31:26We walked in English,
31:28and some of us
31:29will be leaving out
31:30Amish,
31:31you know?
31:32Well, James,
31:33think you
31:33is that sad
31:34that we have
31:34your stuff
31:34together.
31:36What do they say?
31:37Yeah,
31:38well,
31:38I can't think.
31:39Go get this well,
31:40anyhow.
31:41Ready for sale?
31:42Sure.
31:49Any time that
31:50Alan and James
31:51speak in Dutch,
31:51something's about
31:52to go down.
31:55Now is the time
31:56where the English
31:57English are going
31:57to make a decision
31:59whether they want
32:00to stay
32:01or leave.
32:05Oh.
32:06Oh, my gosh.
32:07I haven't seen that
32:08in so long.
32:08Oh, my goodness.
32:10The contraband chest.
32:13The pants already know.
32:15Shoes have to go.
32:19I literally forgot about those.
32:24I want to hear one of you
32:25say,
32:25thou shalt not tempt us.
32:27Thou shalt not tempt us.
32:30Oh, God.
32:32This chest holds a lot of things
32:35that we love
32:36and we've had
32:37and we used.
32:38I'm a little nervous
32:40what people are going to do
32:41with this temptation
32:41because everything
32:43has been away from us.
32:44So, the time has arrived.
32:46Go ahead.
32:47It's like they're baiting us
32:49to see if,
32:49do you really want
32:50to be Amish?
32:53I'm a little on edge.
32:55Everyone here
32:55has become
32:56like my family,
32:58so I really don't want
32:59to say goodbye
33:00to anyone.
33:09Who is staying Amish?
33:11Who is going back English?
33:13Come on up.
33:19Everybody's just looking around
33:21like who's going to stand up?
33:32Walking up to that chest,
33:33once you see like
33:34a part of the old you,
33:36it's like you just get
33:37all those memories of,
33:39oh, like,
33:39I can just go back home
33:40and, you know,
33:41act like I'm, you know,
33:43back to the convenient life,
33:44back to English life.
33:45It's so easy
33:46to just pick up
33:47those stuff and go.
33:52Okay, let me get my stuff.
33:59Gotta, gotta go back home
34:00for a little,
34:01figure things out.
34:04So I would like my stuff.
34:06I've made the decision
34:07and this Amish life
34:08is not meant for me.
34:15We came in together.
34:16I wanted us to stay together,
34:18but everybody got their own path
34:20and their own journey.
34:27It is bittersweet.
34:29I'm gonna miss the people here
34:30and the house
34:31despite the flies
34:32and no AC and no lights.
34:36I feel like if you're wanting
34:37to live a very simple,
34:39minimalistic life,
34:40then the Amish life
34:41could definitely be for you.
34:43But if you're not ready
34:44to give up
34:45the everyday conveniences
34:47of life,
34:48then I do not recommend.
35:02Aaron, it's your turn.
35:04Aaron, it's your turn.
35:21If I leave today,
35:22I'm leaving my family.
35:31I do need this.
35:35I cannot believe this.
35:39And I do need this.
35:41I understand.
35:44I think that as much
35:45as I wanted to be here,
35:47I have been really wrestling
35:48with a lot of stuff all day
35:50and realizing
35:51I can't keep my hearing aids
35:52and that's huge.
35:53That's a deal breaker.
35:55I'm not surprised.
35:57I think that the phone
36:00and the hearing aids,
36:02you know,
36:02that's something
36:03that he feels he needs
36:05to have
36:05in order to live comfortably.
36:08So he has to do
36:10what's best for him
36:10on his journey.
36:15You got all your stuff?
36:18It's a disappointment to me
36:20that Aaron made the decision
36:22not to stay
36:23simply because
36:24the fact of his hearing aids.
36:26I wish there was a way
36:28that we could have
36:29made it easier on him.
36:30He had a chance
36:31to become a good fit
36:32for our community.
36:36Walking away from something
36:37that you have
36:38put so much energy into,
36:40life and breath,
36:43isn't easy.
36:45I love and want community
36:47and that's one big reason
36:49I took this journey.
36:52But it doesn't have to be Amish.
36:59Okay.
37:01BJ it.
37:02I mean,
37:02I'm just going to take a look,
37:04you know.
37:05It's been so long, Alan.
37:07I almost forget
37:08what's in there.
37:11Yield not to temptation.
37:13What do I see?
37:24Phones are in there
37:25and things that we
37:26used every day.
37:30This is like
37:31Pandora's box.
37:38BJ is hesitating
37:39and I can't even believe
37:40that she's considering
37:41leaving right now.
37:41She's literally wanted
37:42to be Amish
37:43her whole life.
37:48So,
37:49what do you think?
37:50I am staying out of it.
37:53I am focused on this.
37:55Wow!
37:58I love you.
37:59I love you too.
38:03I have longed
38:04to be a part
38:05of the community
38:05and this journey
38:07and this journey
38:07has showed me
38:08that it's absolutely
38:09the place for me.
38:11I love the people,
38:12the culture,
38:13the lifestyle.
38:14The verdict is in,
38:15I do want to be Amish.
38:18All right, Judah.
38:19Your turn.
38:20What is your decision?
38:22Are you staying
38:23or are you leaving?
38:26Come on up.
38:33When Judah walks up,
38:35I'm just bracing myself.
38:36Oh my gosh,
38:37Judah,
38:38don't do it.
38:39I'm scared to death
38:40that he's going to do
38:41what they did.
39:04I really don't know
39:06what he's going to do.
39:16I'm going to stay.
39:18Cut.
39:20That's a great decision.
39:21Thank you, sir.
39:26Being here,
39:27I didn't expect
39:27to gain any friendships
39:29and the fact that
39:30I'm here as the last two
39:31with you
39:32really does mean
39:33a lot to me.
39:34Proud of you.
39:35Thank you, sir.
39:36I'm so proud of you.
39:37I love you.
39:38Thank you so much.
39:40I'm really proud of you.
39:42I appreciate you
39:43for making this
39:44a safe space for me
39:45to be open
39:47and be myself.
39:49I appreciate you.
39:50I love you.
39:51And I'm excited
39:52to see, like,
39:53where this crazy journey
39:55takes.
39:56Same.
39:59With Judah and BJ
40:01planning to continue
40:02the journey
40:03in the Amish,
40:04I wish them well.
40:08In the end,
40:09I guess Esmeralda
40:10and Aaron,
40:11it was just
40:12too much for them.
40:15This life
40:15is not for them.
40:19I'm sad to leave.
40:22Am I going to regret leaving?
40:26I don't know.
40:30I'm going to miss
40:30a slow-paced life here.
40:32I don't think
40:32I really had any regrets.
40:34I think I did everything
40:35to the best that I could,
40:36and I loved everyone
40:38to the best of my ability.
40:40Oh, my gosh.
40:44I love you.
40:52I miss you.
40:54I miss you.
40:55I miss you.
41:10Bye.
41:12Bye, guys.
41:13Love you guys.
41:15Love you, babe.
41:15Love you so much.
41:16Woo!
41:18Seeing Esmeralda
41:20and Aaron
41:20in their English clothes
41:21is kind of crazy.
41:24Saying goodbye,
41:25it's bittersweet.
41:29But right now,
41:30I'm happy.
41:33I am here
41:34for the long run,
41:35for the Amish life.
41:39I'm so grateful
41:40for this entire experience.
41:46Sorry.
41:50Everybody deserves a place
41:51where they can find joy.
41:54And if that's not here,
41:55we're going to bless you.
41:57If you can take something
41:59from this experience,
42:00I bless you for it.
42:01If it leads you
42:02to something different
42:03other than being Amish,
42:04I bless you for it.
42:09Has it changed
42:10the way they look
42:10at technology?
42:11Has it broken the cycle
42:13of just being glued
42:14to your phone?
42:16That would be my hope
42:17for these six applicants.
42:26I'm glad that I did this
42:27because it just showed me
42:29how much I take
42:30for granted back home.
42:31So I'm definitely
42:32putting that into my life
42:33and being more grateful.
42:35I'm excited to finally,
42:36you know,
42:37be more, like,
42:38immersed in my life.
42:51Even though it was
42:52a very challenging
42:53experience for me,
42:55it's completely shifting
42:57how I'm living my life now.
42:59All of this,
43:00I don't need it.
43:01I just don't need it.
43:02I stopped accepting
43:03dance opportunities
43:05if the outfit
43:06was a little too revealing.
43:07And I started
43:09dancing for my church.
43:28Update on Matt and I,
43:30unfortunately,
43:30it just wasn't meant to be.
43:32So he's not my cowboy.
43:34I'm hoping and praying
43:35for another cowboy.
43:42Life is simple now.
43:44Screen time is down.
43:45TV time is down.
43:46The boys don't play
43:47as much video games anymore.
43:57My kids want to be Amish now.
43:59And I told them,
44:00Dad gave it a shot.
44:01And they said,
44:02we can't bring our phones, Dad.
44:03So don't bring your phone.
44:04I don't want to get in trouble.
44:13Walking away from something
44:15that you have
44:16put so much energy into
44:18isn't easy.
44:20But what I'm really glad
44:21is that I considered
44:23trying the Amish life.
44:27Because the lessons learned,
44:29the revelations,
44:30the realizations,
44:31it was everything
44:32that I needed.
44:35Our mission was to help them
44:37find a better life.
44:39And I do feel like
44:41we did succeed.
44:42And I hope they have
44:44good memories of our time together
44:45and think positive
44:47of the Amish lifestyle.
45:12The Bishop didn't feel like
45:14I'm ready to be
45:14unshoned,
45:15but I'm glad
45:16for everything I've learned
45:17during this mission,
45:19what the English have taught me
45:20about acceptance.
45:22Some of the English left,
45:24some stayed,
45:25but hopefully more come
45:26in the future.
45:27And I'm willing to
45:28be here to help them.
45:41I'm currently in Atlanta
45:43seeing family,
45:44friends,
45:45letting them know
45:45that I decided to
45:46move forward
45:47and continue my journey
45:48with the Amish community.
45:49Even though everybody
45:50moved on,
45:50I still feel like
45:52we're all a family.
45:53Like,
45:54Alan and Sarah are the parents.
45:55BJ is like our older sister.
45:57Aaron is a brother.
45:58Esme is a sister.
46:00James is like
46:01that annoying uncle
46:02at the cookyard
46:03that you really don't
46:03want to talk to,
46:04but you love him anyway.
46:18Judah and I
46:19both are pursuing
46:21our discipleship.
46:23We've talked about
46:25getting a house together.
46:26And meanwhile,
46:28I'm trying to learn
46:29Pennsylvania Dutch.
46:32I think that means
46:34I don't know.
46:36We'll see.
46:38I'm learning.
46:55I think a lot of people
46:56covet the Amish lifestyle
46:58just because it seems
47:00so peaceful
47:01and everybody wants
47:02peace in their life.
47:04Everybody is looking
47:05for something
47:06and most of those people,
47:08they're looking for something.
47:09They're looking for a place
47:11where they can feel safe
47:13and where they can just
47:15have that peacefulness.
47:26We'll see you next time.
47:29We'll see you next time.
47:29We'll see you next time.
47:30We'll see you next time.
47:30We'll see you next time.
47:30We'll see you next time.
47:31We'll see you next time.
47:32We'll see you next time.
47:32We'll see you next time.
47:34We'll see you next time.
47:36We'll see you next time.
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