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00:00From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:04Tonight, Zach Braff and Donald Faisal,
00:07plus Chris Fleming, with the Kletos!
00:11And now, Jimmy Kimmel!
00:15Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:22Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:28Jimmy Kimmel Live!
00:29Thank you very much.
00:32Jimmy, I'm the host of the show.
00:35Thank you for watching. Thank you for coming.
00:37Thank you for joining us.
00:38We are coming to you from
00:41Los Angeles, California.
00:44You know...
00:45I appreciate that.
00:47You know, sometimes watching what's going
00:49on in Washington feels like we're
00:51all watching a TV show,
00:53like it's a scripted situation.
00:55And today, we had a red wedding
00:57on that TV show.
00:58A shocking elimination on the celebrity
01:01of President, as Trump finally
01:03fired a member of his Cabinet
01:05is the fourth one of his central family.
01:09And that elimini is the now former Secretary
01:13of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem.
01:15After two disastrous hearings
01:19in the House and Senate,
01:20Kristi Noem will be, as Trump said,
01:23moving to be special envoy
01:25for the Shield of the Americas,
01:27our new security initiative
01:28in the Western Hemisphere.
01:30And I think I speak for all of us
01:32when I say we wish Kristi luck
01:34in her brand-new, completely made-up job.
01:37You know, Trump...
01:40It's interesting.
01:41Trump was said to be particularly
01:44unhappy with Noem's testimony
01:46claiming that he signed off
01:48on a $220 million
01:49ad campaign that featured
01:52her in commercials wearing different
01:53outfits, rounding up immigrants
01:56and riding a horse.
01:57Trump claims he didn't know anything
01:59about it, even though we all knew
02:01everything about it.
02:02I don't...
02:03You know him.
02:04He doesn't watch much television.
02:06He's...
02:07Hi, President Trump.
02:08How are you?
02:10You know, this morning...
02:13This morning, like,
02:15minutes before she got the ax,
02:16the DHS pushed back against criticism
02:19of those commercials, saying,
02:21the domestic ad campaign has been
02:23the most successful ad campaign
02:25in U.S. history.
02:28Even more than where's the beef?
02:30I...
02:31More than what's up?
02:33I don't know.
02:34It's...
02:35If that's true, that's very impressive.
02:37You know what the funniest thing would be?
02:38The funniest thing would be
02:39if they deport her to El Salvador.
02:41That would be...
02:46She's still in the...
02:47in the job.
02:48She's expected to leave
02:49by the end of the month.
02:50And Trump already has a guy
02:52ready to replace her.
02:53The President's pick is
02:55Mark Wayne Mullen,
02:56the Senator from Oklahoma.
02:57Mark Wayne Mullen
02:58is a former MMA fighter
03:01and a plumber.
03:02Before this,
03:04he had a plumbing business.
03:06According to White House staffers,
03:08Trump loves watching him on TV.
03:09And I agree,
03:10I love watching him on TV, too.
03:12In the same way,
03:13I loved watching Honey Boo Boo on TV.
03:16We have seen a good bit of Senator Mullen
03:18over the past couple of years.
03:19And let's just say
03:20that Mark Wayne
03:21is no Mark Twain.
03:22When you're talking about
03:24drinking at 10 in the morning,
03:25that's a drinking problem.
03:27Now,
03:28it doesn't mean
03:29that there should be a stigma.
03:30Well, there's a lot of politicians
03:31that have a drinking problem, Jake.
03:33Yes, of course.
03:35He just got in saying
03:36that the President was racist
03:37because he doesn't like brown people.
03:39Yet, I sat in front of you
03:40as a Cherokee Indian,
03:41and I'm very close friends
03:42with the President.
03:43We've all made mistakes.
03:45I've made mistakes.
03:46And Jennifer,
03:46thank you for loving him
03:47through that mistake.
03:49Because the only reason
03:50why I'm here and not in prison
03:52is because my wife loved me, too.
03:55It's the first time
03:56we've had a real backbone
03:57to the Western Hemisphere
03:59since 1989
04:00when we got rid of Noriega
04:02or not Noriega,
04:05what's the word I'm looking for there?
04:07Well, and Panama.
04:08And when we ousted Noriega,
04:12that's what it is.
04:13If you want to talk about
04:13being unqualified,
04:15Pete Hegseth,
04:16the gentleman,
04:16or not Pete Hegseth,
04:17I'm sorry,
04:18Pete Buttigieg.
04:19You want to do it now?
04:20I'd love to do it right now.
04:21Well, stand your butt up, then.
04:22You stand your butt up.
04:23Oh, hold on.
04:24No, hold, stop it.
04:25Is that your solution?
04:26No, no, sit down.
04:28And a lot of times
04:29if you talk to people,
04:30Kyiv, or not Kyiv,
04:31but in my mind,
04:34just let me...
04:35Crimea.
04:36Crimea, Crimea.
04:38Unfortunately, you have
04:39President Hegseth,
04:40or I say President Hegseth,
04:41Secretary Hegseth,
04:43that has got a great relationship
04:44with President Trump,
04:46and President Hegseth's been there.
04:47It's up to the Iraqi people,
04:49or I'm sorry,
04:49the Iranian people.
04:50It doesn't mean you can't rebuild.
04:52I mean, people have car accidents
04:53and obliterate their bones
04:54and their legs,
04:55and yet they can still put,
04:56you know,
04:57they can still put metal back in them
04:59and walk again.
05:01This is war.
05:02You can see this is war.
05:03We haven't declared war.
05:04They declared war on us,
05:05but we haven't...
05:05Secretary Hegseth.
05:07We haven't declared...
05:08Just now, you said this is war.
05:09They called it war.
05:10They called it war.
05:11What I was saying...
05:12Okay, well, that was it misspoke,
05:13but I was saying
05:14that they declared war on us,
05:15but war is ugly.
05:17And you want to sit there
05:18and say that he's not qualified?
05:20Give me a joke.
05:24I think we just got one.
05:26Anyway, hey,
05:28thank you again, Mr. President.
05:30The homeland is secure.
05:33Here's who I think should be head of the DHS.
05:35I got this video sent to me
05:36about 11 times today.
05:47That's Taekwon Pizza, though.
05:49That's, I mean,
05:49if you're going with wrestlers,
05:51why not him?
05:52First time around,
05:53in his first term,
05:54Trump fired everybody.
05:55This time,
05:56he went more than a year,
05:57but maybe the dam is broken now.
05:59If so,
06:00who will be next?
06:01There are so many deserving candidates.
06:03Pam Bondi,
06:04Cash Patel,
06:05Bobby Kennedy.
06:06Maybe at the top of the list,
06:07the actor pretending to be
06:08our Secretary of War.
06:10Well, President Trump
06:12recognizes the wisdom
06:14of the Monroe Doctrine.
06:16And the days of us betraying
06:18and endangering our own citizens
06:20are finished.
06:23President Trump has reestablished
06:24the Monroe Doctrine,
06:27the Trump corollary
06:28of the Monroe Doctrine.
06:30Or if you'd like,
06:31for short,
06:32you can just call it
06:32the Dunro Doctrine.
06:37Can we call you D-Bag for short?
06:39Is that what you'd like?
06:44Let me tell you something.
06:45There is a 100% chance
06:47Trump thinks the Monroe Doctrine
06:49refers to Maryland.
06:52Republicans have been trying
06:53to play both sides
06:54on this war in Iran.
06:55Most of them won't even call it a war,
06:57even though the president
06:58does every day.
06:59J.D. Vance has been very quiet.
07:01During the campaign,
07:02the now vice president said
07:04a war with Iran would be,
07:05quote,
07:05a huge distraction of resources
07:07and that a conflict
07:08between Iran and Israel
07:10would be the most likely
07:11and most dangerous scenario
07:13for getting us into World War III.
07:14So he's been deep
07:16in the cushions
07:17of his couch this week.
07:19Which is probably smart
07:20because the former vice poodle,
07:23Mike Pence,
07:23has been making the rounds.
07:25You know,
07:25he works at Walmart now.
07:27He wears a vest
07:28at the front door
07:28of a Walmart.
07:30He waves at children.
07:31It's...
07:31Mike was on CNN last night
07:33with Caitlin Collins
07:34who asked what
07:35most everyone's asking is,
07:36does the president
07:37have any plan
07:38on how he's gonna
07:39get us out of this war?
07:40Do you believe
07:41the president knows
07:42when to get out of Iran?
07:45I...
07:46I don't know
07:47that I would say
07:48that we're in.
07:49Same thing his wife
07:50said on their honeymoon,
07:51by the way.
07:54Mother Pence
07:55would not approve
07:56a father talking like that
07:58in front of Caitlin.
08:00This war,
08:01or whatever they wanna call it,
08:03it's not going over
08:04well with America.
08:04Majority of Americans
08:05think Trump is making
08:06the U.S. less safe,
08:08but that is according
08:09to a poll
08:10from those radical
08:11left-wing lunatics
08:11at Fox News.
08:13It's not...
08:13In an interview
08:14with the New York Post today,
08:16the paper of record,
08:17Trump said,
08:17you cannot let Iran,
08:19who's a nation
08:20that has been run
08:20by crazy people,
08:22have a nuclear weapon.
08:23Which may be true,
08:24but it's exactly
08:26the same thing
08:26every other country
08:27is saying about us.
08:29Trump also said
08:30he should have a role
08:32in choosing
08:32the next Ayatollah.
08:34Which...
08:34Why not?
08:35Make it a TV show.
08:36That's...
08:38I'm...
08:39I don't know for certain,
08:41but I have a feeling
08:43the Iranians would love
08:44to have meatloaf
08:45running the country.
08:47Oh, he's dead?
08:48Oh, he's dead?
08:48Make it Gary Busey then.
08:51The House today
08:52voted down a resolution
08:53that would have put
08:54some guardrails
08:55on Trump's random acts of war.
08:57All but two Republicans
08:58backed the president
08:59publicly.
09:00Privately,
09:00it's a different story.
09:01Politico is reporting
09:02that several House Republicans
09:04have secretly been
09:05comparing Trump's actions
09:06in Iran
09:07to when LBJ
09:08went into Vietnam,
09:09which is...
09:11I don't know...
09:13Donald Trump would never
09:14go to Vietnam.
09:15He's proven that.
09:16And the most important thing
09:18is we're not spending
09:20as much time talking
09:21about the Trump-Epstein files.
09:23That's what matters most,
09:25you know?
09:27Although...
09:28We got an update
09:30on the more than 47,000 documents
09:32that mysteriously vanished
09:33from the government's website.
09:34You know,
09:35some of these missing files
09:36contain disturbing allegations
09:38against a person who,
09:40for legal reasons,
09:41I can't say his name,
09:42but he's currently the president.
09:44Um...
09:45After intense pressure
09:46from Congress,
09:47the Justice Department,
09:48just about an hour ago,
09:49published those missing files,
09:51including a transcript
09:52of the accusers' interviews.
09:55Um...
09:55Coincidentally,
09:56as that happened,
09:58a group of pastors
09:59showed up at the White House
10:00to pray over Donald Trump,
10:02who is definitely taking a nap
10:04in that video.
10:06And I know this is something
10:07that...
10:09Every one of us
10:10has been thinking.
10:11I know that, but...
10:13Just can you imagine
10:15if the DOJ had been holding
10:17FBI interviews
10:18with a woman who claimed
10:19that Joe Biden
10:20sexually assaulted her
10:22when she was a young teenager?
10:23It would be
10:24rage-boner-palooza
10:25at Fox News.
10:26They would have to hire
10:27a team of those kids
10:29who swabbed the court
10:30at the NBA games
10:30to mop the foam
10:32out of Sean Hannity's mouth
10:33every minute.
10:35Yesterday,
10:35the Republican-controlled
10:36House Oversight Committee
10:38voted to subpoena
10:39Attorney General Pam Bondi
10:41to force her to explain
10:42what the hell
10:43has been going on.
10:43But scheduling that
10:44could be a problem
10:45because, you know,
10:46she and Kash Patel
10:47just launched their new show
10:49inside the Redactor Studio.
10:51And...
10:52By the way,
10:53if you're wondering
10:53why Bill Clinton,
10:54Hillary Clinton,
10:55and now Pam Bondi
10:56have to testify
10:57and Trump doesn't,
10:58it's because you can't
10:59put Donald Trump
11:01under oath.
11:01If he swears
11:02to tell the truth,
11:03that's already perjury.
11:07And then...
11:09While...
11:10While this is going on,
11:12we have our Secretary
11:12of Health,
11:13R.F. Cray Cray,
11:15picking a fight
11:15with the big coffee companies.
11:17During a rally
11:18in Austin, Texas,
11:19Kennedy used his
11:20beautiful voice
11:20to question
11:21the safety merits
11:22of all those
11:23high-calorie coffee drinks.
11:25We're gonna ask
11:27Dunkin' Donuts
11:28and Starbucks,
11:29show us the safety data
11:31that show that it's okay
11:32for a teenage girl
11:35drinking iced coffee
11:36with 115 grams of sugar in it.
11:38All of a sudden,
11:39the Trump administration
11:40is interested
11:41in the safety
11:42of teenage girls.
11:43How about that?
11:44I think, you know what?
11:45Maybe Trump should get
11:46his gang together
11:47and say ixnay
11:48on the teenage Earl's gay
11:50this week.
11:51Let's keep that one
11:52out of the speeches
11:53for a bit.
11:54But...
11:54Robert Kennedy...
11:59doesn't believe
11:59Dunkin' and Starbucks
12:01and the others
12:02while we're at it
12:02will be able to exonerate
12:03themselves on this sugar issue,
12:05which...
12:06He's not wrong,
12:07but remember when
12:08Michelle Obama suggested
12:09we eat more vegetables
12:10and the right reacted
12:11like she was cum...
12:12some kind of
12:13zucchini amine?
12:15Uh...
12:15Now we're all ears
12:17when we hear it
12:17from a guy
12:18who looks like
12:19a Costco rotisserie chicken.
12:21The governor
12:22of Massachusetts,
12:23this is a big deal there,
12:24took great offense
12:25to this attack
12:27on Dunkin'.
12:27She wrote,
12:28come and take it.
12:29Which...
12:30That's right.
12:30You are gonna have to pry
12:31those Dunkin' Donuts
12:33out of Matt Damon's
12:34cold, dead,
12:36nubby little,
12:36constantly masturbating
12:38to his own headshot hands.
12:40Right here, Mom?
12:42Right here, Mom.
12:43Right here, Mom.
12:44Right here, Mom.
12:44I think...
12:45I'm gonna do it.
12:46And one more thing
12:47before we, uh,
12:48we move on.
12:48It's Thursday night.
12:49That means it's time
12:50to bleep and blur
12:51the big TV moments
12:52of the week,
12:52whether they need it or not.
12:53It is this week
12:54in Unnecessary Censorship.
12:59How often did you communicate
13:01with Mr. Epstein?
13:02Usually only on the trips.
13:06I did
13:07as you know.
13:10I'm done with this.
13:11If you guys are doing that,
13:12I am done.
13:12You can
13:13from now to the house.
13:15The passage where you talk
13:17about a dog
13:18that was 14 months old.
13:20At that same lunch hour,
13:22you go.
13:22you go out.
13:23We have only just begun
13:25to f***.
13:27Lindsey Graham,
13:28I saw him,
13:28I saw a video of him
13:29this morning,
13:30and he was choking
13:31that f***.
13:33All right,
13:33Senator Lindsey Graham,
13:35thank you for
13:35s***ing us off this morning.
13:36We really appreciate it.
13:38F*** you.
13:39We are now joined by
13:41North Texas beekeeper,
13:42Nate S***.
13:43Nate S***,
13:44thank you for your time.
13:45Thank you very much, Lindsey.
13:46Appreciate it.
13:47Today, almost anyone,
13:49anywhere can access
13:50a vast universe of d***
13:52in the palm of their hand.
13:55How about we say,
13:56f*** you, Mr. President?
13:58You've got 24 hours to live.
14:00What's on your to-do list?
14:04Eat a f***.
14:10Eat a f***.
14:16Hey, we got a good show
14:17for your night.
14:18Chris Clemming is here.
14:19We have Cy Smith sitting in
14:21with the police folks tonight.
14:22We'll be right back
14:23with Zach Braff and Donald Faison.
14:35All right, welcome back.
14:38Tonight, a very funny man
14:40who has a very funny new comedy special
14:42called Chris Fleming,
14:43Live at the Palace.
14:44Chris Fleming is with us.
14:46Next week.
14:48We're working next week, Guillermo.
14:50Yes, we are, Jimmy.
14:51Okay.
14:53Um, Harrison Ford will be here next week.
14:54Will Forte will be here.
14:56Olivia Munn,
14:56Leslie Odom Jr.,
14:58Sarah Chalk,
14:59Matthew Fox,
15:00Bunny XO,
15:01and Conan O'Brien
15:01who is hosting the Oscars here on ABC
15:04with music from B.B. Retson,
15:06Nora Jones,
15:07and Joshua Homme.
15:08And also, I want to mention,
15:10because she has been sitting in
15:10with our band, The Cletones,
15:12all week,
15:13a very talented singer
15:14and songwriter, Cy Smith.
15:15Thank you for being here.
15:17Thank you so much for having me.
15:21We, um,
15:21our first guest tonight met at
15:23our real best friends
15:25who met at a fake hospital.
15:2625 years later,
15:28is it 25 years later?
15:29Uh, really?
15:31Yeah.
15:3125 years.
15:32Like you know.
15:33Yeah, I know.
15:34They are back
15:35and scrubbing each other again,
15:37watching all new scrubs
15:38Wednesdays at 8 here on ABC
15:40and the next day on Hulu.
15:42Please welcome
15:42Zach Braff and Donald Faison.
16:0525 years.
16:0725 years, Jimmy.
16:08Holy cow.
16:09And you're still really close.
16:10Maybe you're,
16:11are you closer than you ever were?
16:13I like to say so.
16:14Absolutely.
16:15Yeah.
16:15We spend all of our time together.
16:17I'm godfather to his children.
16:18He was married in my backyard.
16:20Yes, we're very close.
16:22It seems like you might feel
16:23that you're closer to Donald
16:25than Donald does to you.
16:27That's true.
16:27I do most of the reaching out.
16:29I try and FaceTime him
16:30like four times a day
16:31and he answers maybe once.
16:33That's not true.
16:34That only happened once.
16:35I get,
16:36I get very excited to talk to him.
16:38And so I...
16:38Is it really four times a day?
16:39No, yeah, it's really four times a day.
16:41Yes, it is.
16:41I honestly...
16:42I, I...
16:42He doesn't answer the FaceTime,
16:44so I'm on iMessage.
16:45He'll, like, do a ha-ha maybe once a day.
16:47But I'm very needy and I want...
16:50He's a lot.
16:51He's a lot.
16:52And you've got a lot of kids to deal with.
16:54And I do have a lot of kids to deal with.
16:57You guys bicker?
16:58I like, uh, you know.
17:00We...
17:01We've...
17:01Absolutely.
17:02We get in big fights.
17:03We got...
17:04We did a podcast.
17:05We did a rewatch podcast.
17:07And he was so late.
17:08Donald's very often late to things.
17:09Yes.
17:09And he was so late to the...
17:10Here on time tonight.
17:12Yes.
17:12I was the first one here tonight.
17:13Oh, really?
17:13Yes, I was.
17:14Yes, I was.
17:15We did the podcast and he showed up and he didn't...
17:17He was, like, a half hour late.
17:19We do it on Zoom.
17:19And he showed up.
17:20I was...
17:20I was...
17:25First of all, I was three minutes late.
17:28That's not true at all.
17:28I was three minutes.
17:28And then we got into a big fight and the engineer recorded the whole thing.
17:32Uh-huh.
17:32And we were like, we can't...
17:33We gotta cut and just regroup tomorrow.
17:35And so we told the fans, but we didn't release the fight.
17:38And the fans of our podcast always said, release the fight.
17:41Release the fight.
17:42Absolutely.
17:42Well, they should know that the fight was about me being three minutes late.
17:45I wasn't three minutes.
17:45That's the thing.
17:46So you didn't release the fight or you didn't?
17:48No, we'll never release the fight.
17:49I don't think we'll never release the fight.
17:50No, words were said, Jimmy.
17:51We said some things.
17:52Really?
17:52He said some things.
17:54It got heated.
17:55Will you send me the fight?
17:56Yes.
17:56Yeah, absolutely.
17:57You can totally listen to the fight.
17:58You can totally listen.
17:59It's trivial.
18:00It's hilarious.
18:01Because it's like a married couple having a tiff.
18:03At one point, he was like, I'm so angry!
18:06Yeah.
18:08And meanwhile, the engineer and the producer are like...
18:12They were like, is this over?
18:13Is the podcast canceled?
18:14I was like, no, we'll be back tomorrow.
18:15Don't worry about it.
18:16I understand why you don't want to release the fight.
18:18Would you consider hiring actors to play each of you
18:21and have them act out the fight word for word as it happens?
18:25Absolutely.
18:25That depends on who the actors are.
18:27Okay.
18:28They have to be like really good actors.
18:30I want Michael B. Jordan to play you.
18:32Okay.
18:32Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:32He can play both of you.
18:34He'll play both of us!
18:37That's the way to go.
18:38Michael B. Jordan plays both roles.
18:40That's actually hilarious.
18:41Michael B., if you're down to play us in the fight,
18:44we would love to.
18:44We would love to release it.
18:45You say you're three minutes late.
18:47You say you're 30 minutes late.
18:48It was probably somewhere in between those two.
18:51Let's be honest.
18:51Yes.
18:52Who apologizes in a situation like that?
18:55Donald hasn't apologized in 25 years.
18:58Let me tell you something.
18:59This is how late he is.
19:00He had a birthday party at his house.
19:03And so everyone that knows him is like,
19:05well, let's go.
19:06Even though he lives far away from us,
19:07there's no way he can be late to his own birthday party.
19:10We all showed up at his house and we're like holding presents,
19:12and his wife answers the door and we're like,
19:14where's Donald?
19:15She's like, oh, he's not here.
19:17She's super southern.
19:18And we're like, where is he?
19:19And she points to the TV.
19:20There's a live feed to a kid's basketball game.
19:23And he's at the game.
19:26And she's like...
19:26I hope it's one of your kids.
19:27It's my kid.
19:28It was my...
19:29It was my...
19:31And she's like, don't be mad.
19:32There's a food truck in the back.
19:35You make her sound like a prospector every time.
19:39She's...
19:40I don't do a great...
19:41Does she carry a pickaxe?
19:44She's super southern, but maybe it's not that southern.
19:46As godfather, do you take that seriously?
19:50Yes.
19:51Are you there?
19:51Do you give talks?
19:52What do you do?
19:53I don't know if I give talks, but I love the kids,
19:56and I think I make them laugh.
19:58How many of the kids are you godfather to?
19:59I get only two.
20:01Okay.
20:01Are you nicer to those two?
20:03Absolutely.
20:04Yeah, yeah.
20:04Right, yeah.
20:05I only give presents to those two.
20:07You do?
20:09The other...
20:10The others, that's somebody else's.
20:12Yeah, right?
20:13It's expensive, you know?
20:15And Donald, you wish that Zach had kids?
20:20Oh, I wish Zach had someone special in his life right now.
20:23I really do.
20:24He is the ultimate third wheel, though.
20:26You know, my wife loves him.
20:29He pays for dinners.
20:30It's all...
20:31You know, it's...
20:32Yeah, I just show up on the date with the two of them and pay for dinner.
20:38He's not a good wingman.
20:39He's not a good wingman.
20:40He's not a good wingman.
20:40I do wish...
20:41I used to be a great wingman.
20:42Back in the day.
20:43I was a great wingman when I was younger.
20:46Oh.
20:46When I wasn't married, when I was single and in the club, I was a great wingman for Zach
20:52or for others.
20:53For him.
20:54Oh.
20:55This dude came into the world very fresh and new.
20:59I knew you guys didn't know him really before Scrubs.
21:02I had a little bit under my belt.
21:03Right.
21:03You know, I was in movies like Clueless, Remember the Titans.
21:10And this dude was waiting tables at the time.
21:13Right.
21:13I couldn't get into any clubs.
21:17But Donald was like the , right?
21:20And I was the guy who couldn't get in.
21:22But I finally got in and I'm on a dance floor.
21:24And I hadn't been on like a dance floor since like my bar mitzvah.
21:27Well, hold on.
21:29Scrubs is on the air and you got in.
21:32You became, yeah.
21:33Now, Jimmy, back in the day, this was like 2000, something was happening on the dance floor
21:37where women were, quote, backing their things up.
21:42Now, I did not know how to handle this or what I was supposed to do.
21:46Why don't you show him how they would back it up?
21:47Well, I can't.
21:48Show him how they would back it up.
21:49Yeah, can you show it?
21:50I was like.
21:53Well, you.
21:54I'll back it up.
21:55Yeah, like that.
21:59They were doing that.
22:01I wouldn't know what to do.
22:01I didn't know what to do.
22:02And so I was standing there with someone doing that in front of me.
22:05And I looked to Donald like, what am I supposed to do here?
22:09And what is it?
22:09And then he said.
22:10I looked at him.
22:11I was like.
22:21So then, like I couldn't do it that night.
22:24I didn't have the courage.
22:25But then like a week later, I looked over at him.
22:28And he looked over at me.
22:29And I was like, I'm doing it.
22:34Did he do it right?
22:35He did all right.
22:36He did all right.
22:37He's a pro now.
22:39Well, I don't do it now.
22:40We don't go to the clubs anymore.
22:42We haven't been to the club in years.
22:43So you've really enriched each other's lives.
22:44I don't even know if people are still backing their things up.
22:46I don't even know.
22:47I wonder if they are still.
22:49Are they still backing their things up?
22:50Guillermo will know.
22:51Yeah, Guillermo.
22:52No, I don't think so, Jimmy.
22:53He doesn't know.
22:56We're going to take a break.
22:59Zach Graff and Donald Faison are here.
23:01They are quite obviously know each other very well.
23:04We'll come back.
23:04I'm going to put that to the test.
23:05Let's go.
23:06I have a little test for you.
23:07Scrubs is their show.
23:09It's Wednesday nights here on ABC.
23:23But some things never change.
23:25Turk and I were hanging like old times.
23:27Two cheese.
23:29We're all set, bro.
23:30Once I feed the kids, I'm going to take them to practice
23:32and I'm going to drop them off at sleepovers.
23:34Carla has a shift at Urgent Care,
23:36but that gives me a four-hour window for our poker party.
23:39Come on!
23:41Did someone say poker?
23:43I'm in.
23:43Uh, sorry, Hooch.
23:44I actually don't have a seat for you.
23:46Oh, I wasn't asking.
23:48I'll bring the bean.
23:51Hooch is legitimately crazy.
23:53Out of his damn mind.
23:54That is Zach Ravadano-Fazan.
23:57It is Scrubs.
23:59It is back.
24:00You, um, you got, and by the way, even more popular than before,
24:06which is kind of crazy, isn't it?
24:08We're very, very, very, very grateful to everyone who tuned in.
24:11Thank you so, so much.
24:12Yeah, it was a huge, it's been huge for us so far.
24:14I, I, you know, I didn't expect this.
24:16Did you expect this?
24:17No, we didn't expect it.
24:18We were very nervous because the fans are so loyal to the show.
24:20Right.
24:20We wanted to get it right for them.
24:22And, uh, so far it seems like...
24:23Yeah, you could go, you could, in a way, it's like going back in time
24:26and ruining what you did the first time.
24:28Completely.
24:29We did not want to do that.
24:30We didn't, we didn't, we didn't want to divide the fans in any way.
24:33Yeah.
24:33If you two, like, over the past 25 years, had gotten really fat.
24:38Like, let's say you'd each gain, like, you know, 135 pounds.
24:41Do you think they would have went ahead with the reboot?
24:43Or do you think they would have said, no, we can't do it?
24:46I mean, I did gain a ton of weight.
24:49To be honest with you, I got huge.
24:52You know, uh, and then when it, it did come back around, I was like, I should lose some
24:57of this.
24:57I see.
24:57Okay.
24:58All right.
24:58So you weren't thinking...
24:59You didn't get that back.
24:59You just had a little dab bod.
25:00Yeah.
25:01You, um, is it weird to be back?
25:02Is it like going back to high school or something?
25:05It's fine.
25:05You know, the, the trippy thing is that we shot, used to shoot in an abandoned hospital,
25:09which has since been torn down.
25:11So we recreated the hospital on stage, but down to the, you know, every single thing is the
25:16exact same.
25:17So it's very surreal to walk around hospital, huh?
25:19Yeah.
25:20It's weird.
25:20You know, doors that used to lead to open areas and stuff just lead to a sound stage
25:25now.
25:25So it's, it is really surreal.
25:27You forget, you know, it was, it was something like 16 years ago, the last time we were in
25:32the abandoned hospital.
25:33Yeah.
25:33And still to this day, when we were filming, it still felt like we were still in that old
25:38hospital.
25:39That's how great of a job our crew did.
25:41Yeah.
25:41That's very strange.
25:42It's like somebody going back and rebuilding your childhood home or something.
25:46That's exactly what it is.
25:47And is the behind the scenes group largely the same as far as people at work on the show?
25:52Um, the crew is, is all new, but, uh, the, uh, um, there's some of the OG writers on the
25:57writing staff.
25:58Uh huh.
25:58And then we, you know, the, the show is about a teaching hospital and, and now we're
26:01the, the chiefs of, of surgery and medicine.
26:04And so we've introduced some interns that, uh, we can be educating the next generation.
26:08Now, um, Zach, you told People Magazine that you guys are like a married couple.
26:12Yeah, we are.
26:12And I think we saw a little bit of, of that.
26:14And so we thought it would be fun to see if you are.
26:20And, uh, we're going to play a game called the Oldlywed Game.
26:22This is, uh, not Newlyweds because we've been together for a long time.
26:28You know how it works, right?
26:29I should start by saying I'm a horrible speller.
26:31So please.
26:32I will ask one of you.
26:33No one will judge you if you misspell, honey.
26:35Okay.
26:35Thank you, babe.
26:37It's H-O-N-E-Y, by the way.
26:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:39Also, you can lean over and ask Jimmy.
26:41Okay, I will do that.
26:42Okay.
26:43So, first question is for Zach, but you both answer.
26:47You have to hide it though, dude.
26:48What is Donald's biggest fear?
26:51The thing that scares him.
26:53Uh, what is Donald's biggest fear?
26:55Mm-hmm.
26:59Yeah, I'm ready.
27:00Okay, all right.
27:01Uh, Zach, what did you say?
27:03His health.
27:04His health.
27:05Oh, that's a good one because that's true also.
27:09The dude is at the doctor like every third day.
27:12I am.
27:12I am.
27:13I am.
27:13Like every day, really.
27:14But I said sharks and the beach.
27:17Sharks and the beach.
27:19Sharks and the beach or sharks at the beach?
27:22Like, you're scared of the beach?
27:23I don't like, I think the beach is like one of the dirtiest places you can go, man.
27:27It's like, it's literally dirt and water.
27:30This has.
27:32Literally.
27:33This has never come up.
27:35Really.
27:35I've known him for 25 years.
27:38You should ask my.
27:39You have never mentioned sharks or the beach.
27:41You should ask my real wife.
27:45Donald.
27:46Yeah, hold on.
27:46You need this.
27:47You need that.
27:47What was Zach's first movie?
27:50And I'm not talking about some like kind of student film.
27:52I'm talking about his first real film.
27:55That people saw?
27:57Yep.
27:58No.
27:58No, he means the first one I was ever in.
28:00You gotta hold this up.
28:01I can't.
28:01I don't know that one.
28:02You should know that.
28:04I know this one.
28:05I will tell you, the very famous director.
28:08You may have read about him in the Epstein files.
28:12Oh, wait.
28:23That was too good of a clue, Josh.
28:24I'm sorry.
28:25Sorry.
28:26Oh, well, you got his name.
28:27Yeah.
28:28Yeah.
28:28But do you know the movie?
28:33You're close enough.
28:35The movie was?
28:35It's a Woody Allen movie.
28:36And it's called Manhattan Murder Mystery.
28:38Yes, that's right.
28:39Manhattan Murder Mystery.
28:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:40Now, Zach, in Donald's first movie,
28:43he worked with a very famous rapper.
28:45Who was it?
28:46And what was the title of that film?
28:48Oh, man.
28:50Very famous rapper.
28:51A very famous rapper.
28:53Mm-hmm.
28:54Okay.
28:55The name of the rapper or the movie?
28:56Both.
28:56Either one we will accept.
28:58He might not be with us anymore.
29:00Mm-hmm.
29:01Actually, two answers to this question, right?
29:03Mm-hmm.
29:04Mm-hmm.
29:04Oh, jeez.
29:05I'm gonna guess.
29:06Wow.
29:09Ready?
29:09Yeah.
29:12Oh.
29:13Okay, wow.
29:14Wow.
29:15You got the movie right.
29:15Wow.
29:17Okay, so you got the movie right, but it was Tupac.
29:20Oh, okay.
29:21We would have also accepted Queen Latifah.
29:24Oh, Queen Latifah's in it?
29:25Or Tretch from Naughty by Nature?
29:27Oh, Tretch was in it as well.
29:28There's a bunch of rappers in Juice, actually.
29:30I got Juice right, Jimmy.
29:31EPMD.
29:32You got it right.
29:33You know who's not in Juice, though?
29:35ODB.
29:38All right.
29:39One more.
29:40This one is gonna be for Zach.
29:41Zach.
29:43Name Donald's children.
29:46I gotta write it down, too?
29:48That's a lot of names.
29:50Well, if you don't get this, you got a lot of problems.
29:52Yeah, I got problems.
29:53Yeah.
29:53Yeah, you should definitely get it.
29:54You can't go home if you don't get this.
29:56Nope.
29:57Oh, man.
29:58Mm-hmm.
30:00Yeah, it takes a while to write them all.
30:02Hold on a second.
30:02Yeah, there's a lot of them, right?
30:03Yeah.
30:04Six kids?
30:05Six.
30:06You knew that, right, Zach?
30:07Yeah, six.
30:08I'm trying to get some of the ones I don't know that well.
30:10Hold on.
30:12Come on, man.
30:13I got it.
30:13I got it.
30:14I got one, two, three, four, five.
30:16Six.
30:16And I'm just missing one.
30:18Come on, bro.
30:19Go ahead.
30:20I'm just nervous.
30:21I'm doing this under pressure.
30:22Yes.
30:22All right, I'm going to put it.
30:23I'm going to put, show mine, and then you can write the name in so you don't.
30:26OK.
30:27OK.
30:28These are the names.
30:29Y'all, I knew who I was listening to.
30:30Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:33Wilder, Rocco, Kaia, Sean, Dianne, and Kobe.
30:37There we go.
30:37Very good, huh?
30:38Well done.
30:39You are best friends.
30:41I got Kobe.
30:42Squabs airs Wednesday nights at 8 o'clock here on ABC.
30:44You can stream it the next day on Hulu.
30:47Zach Braff and Donald.
30:49You're welcome.
30:49Peace, brothers.
30:56Next week on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
30:59Conan O'Brien, Olivia Munn, Will Forte, and Harrison Ford.
31:04Plus music from Norah Jones and Joshua Homme and Bebe Rexha.
31:16Welcome back to the show.
31:18Our next guest is a high-energy man in a brightly colored jumpsuit who burns a lot of calories
31:24in his new comedy special, Chris Fleming, Live at the Palace.
31:30I want to applaud the spotlight operator who was on the team that got Osama.
31:47Chris Fleming, Live at the Palace, is on HBO Max now.
31:51Please welcome Chris Fleming.
32:07Welcome.
32:07Wow, look at this.
32:08Wow, you look fantastic.
32:10I like this outfit you have on.
32:12Men's warehouse.
32:13I was thinking about you because...
32:15Secret rack, men's warehouse.
32:17They told me that this is your first talk show.
32:20Yeah.
32:20I was concerned that you would even be able to sit in the chair.
32:24Well, Guillermo, he hit me with a trank gun on the way in.
32:26Did he?
32:27A little tequila trank gun on the way in?
32:30A little tequila.
32:30A little mezcal.
32:31And this is also our first time officially meeting.
32:34This is our first time meeting.
32:35We've been at parties together, but you're talking to like Carol Burnett and I'm eating
32:38trash off the ground.
32:42You're playing Puff Puff Pass with little Ricky from I Love Lucy.
32:45And I'm looking for quarters in the couch.
32:50Is this the chair from Get Out?
32:50You were at the Carol Burnett little Ricky party, huh?
32:52Right?
32:53You were at the Carol Burnett little Ricky party.
32:55I didn't know that.
32:55I was on the perimeter.
32:56You were.
32:57All right.
32:58Breathing into the glass.
33:01You'd think I would have seen you.
33:02Yeah.
33:02You are very energetic, as we just saw on that clip.
33:07And that goes on all the time.
33:08I've watched many clips of you.
33:10You're very funny.
33:10Very funny.
33:11I've watched many clips of you from over the years.
33:14Oh, you've been watching?
33:15How long have you been doing this, by the way?
33:17Oh, God.
33:17Since 81, maybe 65.
33:21And did you?
33:22I get hurt a lot, Jimmy, too.
33:24I chipped a tooth.
33:25So shortly after that little scene.
33:27Yeah.
33:27In that little pageant, I chipped my tooth in the special.
33:30Which one?
33:31The way I, oh, the front.
33:32Oh.
33:33Oh.
33:37The director's saying, stay back.
33:39I get so beat up.
33:41I get so, if I were a banana, you'd want to make bread out of me, Jimmy.
33:46Also, I saw Jacob Elordi give you a smooch on this show.
33:49You did, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:50I can feel the pheromones still on you.
33:53Is that what you're sensing?
33:54You were doing, Jimmy was doing Lamaze breathing as Elordi.
33:57He gave him a, I thought you were getting the first with the BFG when I saw that.
34:00He's looming over you like the Babadook.
34:02Do you remember?
34:03Yes.
34:03Oh, I remember quite well.
34:04Yeah.
34:05Yeah.
34:05Yeah.
34:06I think about it a lot.
34:07I bet, I bet if you were to walk, if you were to be in a zoo, the orangutans would
34:11feel,
34:11it would be, oh, they would be going crazy from, like, when Damien goes to the zoo in
34:17the omen.
34:19What was your question?
34:20It was.
34:20I don't remember.
34:23Oh, I forgot, I forgot to unbutton.
34:27Take it from the top.
34:28Okay.
34:30Do you, when you got into this, did you ever imagine that you would be, this is your third
34:35comedy special, right?
34:36Yeah.
34:36Doing it on HBO.
34:37Did you imagine that you would reach that level or is it above anything you ever dreamed?
34:42Well, there are some grim days in the beginning.
34:43We're there.
34:44Jim, oh my God.
34:45I mean, this is a real horror show if you want to hear about it.
34:48Okay, college gig, Ohio, 2012.
34:51Okay.
34:51I'm supposed to perform at hour 47 of a 48 hour all night walk-a-thon.
34:56So the kids, permission to move?
34:58Yes, move around.
34:59Go ahead.
34:59Yeah.
35:00So the kids, the students are kind of just like walking around the perimeter of a gym,
35:05right?
35:05All sleep deprived.
35:08It's like how, it's like very zero dark 30, how you get a confession out of people.
35:11So they're walking around and I'm performing here in a corner.
35:15And so they're kind of walking, I'm doing like ambient standup, right?
35:19And so they're getting like one minute out of every 10.
35:22So no connection whatsoever.
35:25I go through every joke I've ever done in five minutes.
35:28So I start riffing with, there's an eagle mascot in the back, right?
35:32And there's an identical eagle in a bow and a dress.
35:35And so I say, I said something about the eagle and his wife.
35:38And then everyone, all the students stop and one turns and he goes, that's not his wife.
35:47That's his sister.
35:50Boo!
35:51And then everyone starts booing.
35:53And they all, all the students start kind of walking towards me.
35:58The eagle ends up on the stage with me, challenges me to a dance off.
36:03I don't know if you've ever been a part of a not fun dance off.
36:06No.
36:07Very business, very grease.
36:09Okay.
36:09He's doing some popping and locking.
36:11Gets me in the mandible.
36:13Glasses fly off.
36:15I'm on all fours.
36:23So yeah, it feels really nice to be honest.
36:26Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
36:28I hope you won.
36:30I'm thinking of, I'm trying to imagine what you would be doing for a living if you weren't doing this.
36:38I'd be, I'd be getting, I'd be in a conservatorship.
36:41Uh-huh.
36:42Probably.
36:43You probably would.
36:45Yeah.
36:46You ever go to a beach town and see an old guy dancing in a stoplight?
36:50No?
36:51Okay.
36:51No.
36:53No, neither am I.
36:54I think so.
36:54I think so.
36:55Yeah.
36:56Did you, have you ever had like a regular job?
36:59Oh, tons of jobs.
37:01Oh, okay.
37:01I was, right before that, I was a substitute gym teacher for kindergartners.
37:06Really?
37:07But I have, no beast fears me.
37:09I have a rescue dog and the rescue lady in charge of it famously said to me about the dog,
37:15Chris, he thinks you are his bitch.
37:19And that's the way the kindergartners treated me.
37:21They would just, they would chase me around and then pig pile me and I would just be crawling for
37:25my life.
37:25Because they probably just saw you and thought you were a giant one of them.
37:29Come on.
37:30Right?
37:31I mean, really?
37:32Yeah, yeah.
37:32Yeah, I've been in that situation.
37:34I have no domain, yeah.
37:35Have you done any acting?
37:36Have you acted in things?
37:38Uh, yeah.
37:40Oh, I'm in, I mean, I'm in some lovely community theater in 2003.
37:44Uh-huh.
37:47I mean, I'm doing, I'm in a show on Apple TV called Widow's Bay coming out.
37:51I got earrings.
37:52Oh, nice.
37:52Congratulations.
37:53Oh, you got an earring for the show?
37:54It was a clip on.
37:55I see.
37:56It doesn't count.
37:57And they, they, I think there's a little, if I had tattoos though, it would completely ruin me.
38:01Why would it ruin you?
38:04It, it just, it'd be like if Tinky Winky had a tattoo.
38:09From the, from the, uh, with that show?
38:12From Teletubbies.
38:12The Teletubbies, yeah, that's right, yeah.
38:14Yeah.
38:15Yeah, that would be disturbing if they did.
38:17Yeah, it would be.
38:17It would be.
38:18Do you go on auditions and that kind of thing?
38:22Yeah, I've only landed like two.
38:24It's, uh, I play, I did like a, I was a French photographer in one.
38:29Uh-huh.
38:30Usually if they, if I'm asked to do something, then that's usually the best way to do it.
38:34That's the way to get you?
38:35Yeah.
38:36Yeah, that's the way to get me.
38:36Have you done commercials?
38:38I was in a Super Bowl commercial for glue.
38:41What kind of glue?
38:42It's called Loctite.
38:44Yeah.
38:44Yeah.
38:44They had a Super Bowl commercial?
38:45Yeah, Tim and Eric directed it.
38:47And, uh.
38:47Oh, they did?
38:48Yeah, it was incredibly degrading.
38:51I was like licking my lips to camera in one, in one point.
38:55It was really good.
38:56Really?
38:56Yeah, it was really good.
38:57How the hell did I miss that?
38:58Are you sure it was a commercial?
39:00You think it was a delusion?
39:01Well, I don't know.
39:05It seemed like I could.
39:07That's what I look like?
39:08No!
39:11I look like one of the Ann Geddes babies all grown up.
39:15I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get Braff to do a Garden State reboot and have me be Natalie
39:19Portman.
39:20I want to be the Manic Pixie dream wench.
39:23Just me on the bed doing this with a low Gregorian chant in the back.
39:32You know what I like?
39:33You're really using all our equipment.
39:34Like, you're.
39:38Jim.
39:39You've made great use of everything.
39:41I, I use every part of the buffalo.
39:47Let's take a break.
39:49Chris Fleming is with us.
39:50His special is called Live.
39:51Chris Fleming, Live at the Palace.
39:53It's on HBO.
40:03All right.
40:04We're back with Chris Fleming.
40:05I want to thank Zach Braff.
40:07I want to thank Donald Chazan.
40:09You can watch them on Scrubs.
40:11Thanks to Cy Smith, who's been sitting in with the Cletones on.
40:13Jimmy, I forgot.
40:14What did you forget?
40:16I ha, I almost did a really good acting job.
40:19I almost was the face of Red Robin.
40:22Oh.
40:22And then I made a lot of.
40:24The blue place.
40:24Yes.
40:25At the mall.
40:25Terrible burgers.
40:27Was that part of the commercial?
40:29It was going to be.
40:30I was going to be dressed as a Red Robin hood and I was going to be in Dallas on
40:34a horse,
40:35taking people's burgers and giving them, replacing them with Red Robin gourmet burgers.
40:39And it was going to be a life changing sum of money.
40:42And so I started making all these financial, terrible financial decisions.
40:45And then the deal fell through.
40:46Oh.
40:47But in the interim, I bought this tiny little car that is bare.
40:51I don't know if it's street legal.
40:53Oh, is this your car?
40:54That's the car.
40:55And it's a, you drive.
40:57What kind of car is that?
40:58It's called a Nissan Figaro.
41:00And the problem with that kind of car is it gets a lot of attention from old men.
41:04Yeah.
41:05I would ask you about that car for sure.
41:07Just like, I'll go into a store and an old, all of a sudden, it looks like all surviving
41:11members of the Beach Boys are kind of gathered around it.
41:15And a guy with a ponytail is like, can I taste the engine?
41:21And it's a right side driver.
41:23So the cops see me and they're like, are we going to shoot the tie?
41:27You know what?
41:28He's got a perm.
41:29I don't want to hear his stories.
41:31And they let you go?
41:32They let me go.
41:33Oh, they should let you go.
41:34Chris Fleming, everybody.
41:35It's special.
41:36It's called Chris Fleming Live at the Policy.
41:39You'll watch it on HBO Max.
41:41Nightline is next.
41:42Apologies to Matt Damon.
41:45Good night.
41:46Bye-bye, guys.
41:47Bye.
41:50Bye-bye.
41:54You!
41:54You!
41:56Who?
41:57Who?
41:57Who?
41:58Who?
41:58Who?
41:59Who?
41:59Who?
41:59Who?
41:59Who?
42:00You
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