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00:01It seems today that all you see
00:04Is violence in movies and sex on TV
00:07But where are those good old fashioned values
00:11On which we used to rely?
00:14Lucky is a family guy
00:18Lucky is a man who wants to give and can do
00:21All the things that make us laugh and cry
00:25He's a family guy
00:38You see this crap about Ron DeSantis?
00:40He's sending a bus full of migrants from Florida up to Quahog
00:44And I don't like it
00:45Immigrants are trying to take jobs away from hard-working Americans like me
00:48You faked COVID five times this month
00:51Huh, they're having a rally tomorrow to welcome them here
00:54I'm gonna go down there and see what's really going on
00:57Yeah, have fun with the other unemployed bleeding hearts
00:59Peter, are you gonna do the dishes you said you'd do?
01:03Can't we get an immigrant for that already?
01:10Where do you think you're going?
01:12Boar's Head is unveiling a new cold cut
01:14And me and the guys won tickets
01:16So far they've only released a silhouette of the meat
01:18I threw a hundred on bison, never know
01:20Peter, we have dinner with Crystal and Clay tonight
01:23We talked about this yesterday
01:25Lois, was yesterday a hard alcohol day?
01:28Ah, yes
01:29And do I typically remember things you say to me when I drink hard alcohol?
01:34No
01:34Then why...
01:36I forget, I had hard alcohol today
01:44How do we even know these people?
01:46No idea
01:46I have rescheduled this so many times
01:48I can't remember who they are
01:50Lois?
01:51Hey, you guys
01:52Huh
01:53You know, I just wanna get this out of the way
01:56I am completely blanking on how we met
01:58Ah, thank God
01:59Me too
02:00But it doesn't matter
02:02We're here now
02:03You weren't the one who got in a fist fight in my yoga class, were you?
02:07No
02:08It wasn't me
02:09I'm sure whoever it was had her reasons
02:12Like, maybe that bitch shouldn't have run her bitch mouth
02:14I don't know
02:15I wasn't there
02:16Hey Peter, I'm Clay
02:17Listen, I don't wanna sound like a fanboy
02:20But, did I hear you work at Pawtucket Pat?
02:22Yeah, why?
02:23That's maybe like the coolest job I've ever heard of anyone having
02:27It... it is?
02:28Dude, yes!
02:30You gotta tell me what it's like to work there
02:32Lois, this guy is legit like a rockstar to me
02:35See Lois, I told you I ain't just some bum
02:38You don't like football by any chance, do you Peter?
02:41Lois, I'm gonna be over here with Clay
02:43Well, look who came around
02:44Maybe we should all hang out more often
02:46I'm in
02:47We're always in the market for some cool friends
02:49Oh, us too
02:50Remember those weirdos we hung out with last week?
02:54You know, honey, you could at least make a guess
02:57I don't make a guess until you give me credit card info
03:00Maybe let's not talk about the arrangement in front of friends, okay?
03:10What do we want?
03:12No opening days!
03:13When do we want it?
03:14No opening days!
03:16Hi there, this is gonna sound like I'm just here for the food
03:19But the Instagram post said there'd be food
03:22Oh, I'm sorry, we just ran out
03:24That's fine, I'm Brian, dog guy
03:26Hello, Brian the dog guy, I'm Carmen
03:29Nice to meet you
03:30You know, immigrants are kinda like dogs to me
03:33Excuse me?
03:34Oh, no, no, I wasn't
03:35I mean, we're separated from our families, put in cages
03:38All you can do is hope there's a group of nice people somewhere
03:41Willing to share their home with you
03:42I see what you mean
03:44So where are you from?
03:45I'm from Cuba
03:46Oh, nice
03:46You guys got elephants and stuff, right?
03:49I think you're thinking of Africa
03:51No, I think, uh, pretty sure...
03:54Yeah, whatever
03:54Listen, I'm volunteering today, so I have to go help out
03:58Look, I don't normally do this, but
04:00Is there any chance we could go out sometime?
04:02I'm so sorry, you seem great
04:05But I just agreed to go out with that guy
04:11Actually, never mind, I'm free
04:13If you want, I'm going to the Havana Club tonight at 6
04:15You should come
04:16Okay, I'll be there, thanks
04:20America at work
04:21Immigrants, liberals, conservatives
04:24And the one guy with absolutely no idea what's going on here today
04:27What's going on here, some kind of festival?
04:30Cocky jogger
04:32I stay out of politics
04:46Hey, there you are
04:48Oh, you made it
04:49Allowed to smoke in here, huh?
04:51Gosh, you really look incredible
04:53Oh, thank you
04:54I got here early so we could be in the horn section
04:57Sorry, you said in the horn section?
05:00Is it too loud for you?
05:02I know dogs have very sensitive hearing
05:05Uh, no, no, this is great
05:08Do you like for horns to be louder?
05:10No, no, no, that's okay
05:11Do you like for horns to be louder?
05:18They played this at my mother's funeral
05:23Man, you really missed out on the boar's head event, Peter
05:25Joe even got some chick's number
05:27Hospice nurse, I, uh, I gotta have a talk with you guys at some point
05:31Why'd you bail, Peter?
05:33And Lois had a dinner scheduled with another couple
05:35That's so lame, I hate that stuff
05:37You know what, I just said that to sound cool
05:40I enjoy meeting new people
05:42Yeah, I usually hate it too, but these guys were fun
05:45Uh, Clay and Crystal something
05:47Huh?
05:47Oh boy
05:48What?
05:48Crystal and Clay Duffy?
05:50Yeah, so what?
05:51Peter, those guys, how do I say this?
05:55Engage in interrelationship coitus on the rig?
05:59Huh?
05:59They're swingers, like the biggest in town
06:01They try with everyone
06:02Big time, they tried that with me and Bon
06:05I stayed out in the car, Bon went in for a few hours to talk to them about it
06:10That never happened again
06:11Um, except for a couple weeks later
06:16One other time, I guess
06:22Hey, how was the date?
06:24The date was awesome, but that Cuban place was so loud
06:26And there was cigar smoke everywhere
06:28I feel like I'm getting a migraine or something
06:30I just...
06:33Brian!
06:34Brian!
06:35Oh, thank God!
06:36Are you okay?
06:37Yeah, I'm good, man
06:38Just, uh, just give it a little space, okay?
06:41What?
06:41What, you got diaper cream in your ears?
06:43I said, back up, baby
06:45Why are you talking like Scarface?
06:47I...
06:47I don't know, man
06:48I just opened my mouth and this is the voice that comes out, you know?
06:52And when I open my mouth, blood comes out
06:56Okay, again, Chris, that's not funny
06:58What Brian's doing is funny
07:00When we pass on an idea, you really need to move on
07:10I'm starting to get a little hungry
07:11You think you could get like an English muffin or something?
07:15I really like, uh, the nooks and crannies, man
07:18So what you think, Doc?
07:19How come I wake up sounding like this?
07:21Well, it's unusual, but this is a very real thing
07:23Google it, called foreign accent syndrome
07:26It's usually brought on by some kind of trauma to the brain
07:29I'm guessing that migraine scrambled you all up
07:31So this is like an actual disorder?
07:34Yeah, I saw it on 60 Minutes
07:36They had on this English lady that woke up sounding Chinese
07:39But everyone gets all pissed if I do it
07:41You know, I wonder if you sound that way
07:43Because you were around all those Cuban people at the club
07:46Oye, Stewie, Carmen says she's gonna come by the hospital
07:49She can't hear me sound like this
07:51She's gonna think I'm making fun of her
07:53Alright, just relax
07:54Maybe we can-
07:55Brian, how are you doing?
07:57I came as soon as I heard
08:00Sorry, he's not talking yet
08:01Oh, my poor little guy
08:03You don't need to say a word
08:05You just relax
08:07Doctor?
08:08What?
08:09Do you think it's worth checking him for like, a stroke or brain cancer?
08:13Come on, man, it's 4.45
08:19So you'll never guess what the guys had to say about Clay and Crystal
08:22Apparently, they're like major swingers
08:24What?
08:25No
08:27That's ridiculous
08:28Seriously, all three of them said they tried stuff with him
08:31Well, now this is weird
08:32We're seeing them again tomorrow night
08:34I mean, do we cancel?
08:36I don't think so
08:38We had fun with them
08:39Who cares what they do in their private lives?
08:42But what do we do if they try something with us?
08:45Well, obviously, we say no
08:47Obviously, that's not us
08:48Oh, we'd never do anything like that
08:50We don't have to
08:51What we have is great
08:52The best?
08:53I mean, would it be nice to be asked? Sure
08:56Sure, right
08:57It'd be nice to know we're at least in the pool of consideration
08:59Be great to be in the pool
09:04I think I'm gonna get a facial tomorrow
09:06I mean, not because of this
09:07But because I need one
09:08Totally
09:09And I gotta buy deodorant
09:10Not because of this
09:11But because mine's all the way down to the plastic
09:13Things like a cheese grater
09:18You got a lot of nice things in this room
09:20Purple octopus
09:21I ain't never had no purple octopus
09:23Time machine
09:24Hey, what you gonna impact the past or something, man?
09:27Disrupt the space-time continuum?
09:29Alright, stop just riffing on things you see
09:31Now, if you're going to continue seeing Carmen
09:33We've got to try and get your speaking voice back
09:35Try to repeat exactly what I say
09:37It's really nice to see you again, Carmen
09:39It's nice to be here with you, baby
09:41You're gonna get humped like you wouldn't believe tonight
09:44Okay, not quite there
09:46So, Carmen
09:47Do you have any pets?
09:48I seen a mouse this one time
09:50Thing was crazy, bro
09:51Running all around
09:52With that little tail moving side to side
09:54I thought that thing was gonna bite me, man
09:56Can you guys keep it down in here?
09:59Oh, sorry
09:59We were just trying to
10:00Yeah, I don't need to know why
10:02I just need you to shut up
10:03Hey!
10:04That's your flesh and blood, man!
10:05You don't talk to him like that!
10:07I'm sorry
10:08Next time I hear you talk that way
10:10I'm gonna kick you so hard
10:11Your big ass gonna land in Saskatchewan
10:14Mom, Brian said I have a big ass in a Scarface voice
10:21Well, that was yet another fantastic evening with you two
10:25Totally
10:26Always love a little time with the griffs
10:28So, uh
10:29What, uh, what now?
10:31Do we keep a going?
10:33Yeah, what's the, uh
10:34What's the old game planarino?
10:36Oh
10:37You know
10:38I think I'm done for the night
10:40Oh, come on
10:41It's only nine o'clock
10:43I mean, I'm up for a little fun
10:45I know
10:47Next time
10:48I'm a little zonked, too
10:49Great to see you again, Peter
10:51Oh, no
10:52I think we've leveled up to hugs
10:53Get in here, you
10:55Okay
10:56We'll see you guys again soon
11:02Swingers my ass
11:03Maybe they're just not into us
11:05Uh, no
11:05If anything, it's us that's not into them
11:08Yeah, they'd be lucky to get us
11:10But we're not that type of people
11:11Ew, no
11:12Yeah, like what even is that life?
11:15Sad is what it is
11:16Doing it in weird places
11:18Just having sex with every couple they meet
11:20Well, every couple except us
11:23Except us
11:25Why not us?
11:28But where are you going?
11:30They left their cornbread
11:31Hopefully they didn't clear the table yet
11:33Hold that door, please
11:37Alright, just try not to talk too much
11:39You're going to get us beat up with that accent you're doing
11:41It's so weird, man
11:42In my mind it sounds like I'm just talking regular
11:45And outside I end up sounding like some kind of big banana head
11:49Hot chocolate for brain?
11:51You say brain?
11:52Do you know anyone named brain?
11:55It's Brian
11:56As in Dennehy, Cranston and Cox
11:59I'm sorry, sir
12:01That guy's got matcha powder in his ears or something
12:04A lot of stuff in people's ears today
12:08Oh crap, man, it's Carmen
12:10I keep avoiding her calls
12:12I don't want her to think I'm mocking her, do you know?
12:15Brian, you have to answer
12:16She's going to think you're not into her anymore
12:18Hello, Brian's phone
12:19This is Miss Penny Apple, Brian's assistant
12:21We dated for a little while
12:23But we disclosed it to HR
12:24So it was all above board
12:26Anyway, I ended it after he got physical
12:29Oh, that sounds lovely
12:31He'll be there, bye dear
12:33Well?
12:34Her cousin's getting married Saturday
12:35And she wants to bring you as her date
12:37What?
12:38Her whole family is going to think I'm making fun of their accents
12:41There's no way I can go
12:43She said Jenna Ortega's going to be there
12:47Buenas noches
12:48We'll be back with more Brian S. Muiscombago after this
12:58So what you think?
12:59How am I going to go to this wedding ceremony like this?
13:02Yeah, we sure don't want a repeat of what you did to Cleveland yesterday
13:07Hey, mailman!
13:11No more putting the paper in the little slot in my house, eh?
13:15The sound wakes me up from my doggy naps!
13:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
13:29I'm not even the courier for your postal route
13:31That's Laverne
13:36Those people are absolute weirdos
13:38They call themselves swingers?
13:40Two whole dinners and not even an elbow brush on the boob
13:43Not that we would even do anything anyway
13:45Of course not
13:46I mean, not that any of this matters, because we're normal people
13:49That being said, it would be nice to be asked
13:52It would be nice to be freaking asked
13:54Maybe they're waiting for a third night with us
13:56What do you mean?
13:57Well, in the dating world, three dates usually mean sex is on the table
14:01Oh, I see
14:02So this is all just part of the dance, huh?
14:06They're trying to see if we are actually into them
14:09Which we're not
14:09No
14:11Gotta be that
14:11Alright, I'm texting them
14:12Now?
14:13Won't that look desperate?
14:15Desperate?
14:16They're the ones trying to swing with us
14:18To which we'll promptly say no
14:19Moment it happens, without hesitation we shut it down
14:22Shut it down
14:23We're in
14:24Dinner at their house tomorrow night
14:25Oh, at their house
14:27Could they be any more obvious about it?
14:30Yeah, be a little artful about it, guys
14:34So...
14:35First time I'm seeing that
14:37I can't say I like it
14:42I can't believe you got me in this mess, man
14:44I got like butterflies in my stomach
14:46I can feel them all flapping around, you know?
14:49You have nothing to worry about
14:50I've developed an AI voice modulator to match your natural speaking voice
14:54Here, put this on
14:55You think this thing's gonna work, man?
14:58I really don't want to upset Carmen
14:59Oh, hey, wow, it's me again
15:01Testing, one, two, three
15:02I will break your freaking head open, man
15:05Testing, one, two, three
15:07Okay, great, it works
15:08And I'll be in your ear the whole time in case anything goes wrong, so don't worry
15:11It is nice to see you again, Carmen
15:13I am enjoying your company tonight
15:15Olive Garden's summer nights are back
15:17Oh, wait! What the hell was that?
15:19Oh, yeah, the software has ads sometimes
15:21Ads? What do you mean ads?
15:23They want 13 bucks a month now for premium, deal with it
15:30Brian, there you are
15:32I'd like you to meet my mother and father
15:34Just play it cool, you got this
15:36It's nice to meet you, Brian
15:38Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Perez
15:40What a beautiful night for a wedding
15:42Carmen tells me you are a writer
15:44I enjoy putting pen to paper and allowing my heart to do the rest
15:48If you or someone you love has been injured in a work accident
15:51It's time to call Feinstein and ForLizzy, PC
15:54Thank you, Brian
15:55I will keep this, uh, Feinstein in mind
15:58Don't forget ForLizzy
16:00See? I told you it would work
16:02Thanks, I appreciate it
16:05Postmates guy forgot the ketchup
16:06Hey, buddy, I think you forgot the ketchup
16:08Oh, I'm sorry, man
16:09I gotta go pick up my kid from camp
16:11Well, tell him he's gonna be there for a bit
16:13It's a job, dude
16:13I don't know what to tell you
16:20Did you take a Harry Potter patch off that blazer before you put it on?
16:24Yeah, only thing is they're not gonna know I'm a Ravenclaw
16:27That should be fine, right?
16:28Hey, good to see you
16:30We felt bad about how things ended the other night
16:33So thought we could have a do-over
16:34I'm a Ravenclaw, by the way
16:36You guys look nice
16:38You didn't have to get all dressed up
16:40This is a sweatsuit from Target
16:41A very sexy sweatsuit, I might add
16:44Wow, great house
16:46Are these the original hardwoods?
16:48I'm a huge hardwood guy
16:49Know what I mean, Crystal?
16:52Oh, this is a big comfy couch
16:55What do you say we, I don't know, hang out?
16:57Put on some Natalie Imbrug- Im- Imbrug- The Chick Who Sings Torn
17:03Ah, yeah, yeah, maybe
17:07Warm tonight, isn't it?
17:08Guys, what's going on here?
17:10You're acting really weird
17:11Aren't- Aren't you guys swingers?
17:14We like to have fun, yeah, but we don't do it with everyone
17:17Then- Then what?
17:18What's wrong with us?
17:20Don't take it so personally
17:21Every pair of swingers has one flaccid friendship
17:23Yeah, you know, just kind of a meat and potatoes couple you go bowling with once in a while
17:28We just like hanging out with you guys as friends
17:31I-I don't even know what you're talking about
17:33We don't want to be anything more than friends with you guys
17:36Maybe it's best we just call it a night
17:38Please, I'll pay for it! How much to make it happen right now? Touch it!
17:42Oh, would you stop it already? They probably don't want us because you come off so desperate
17:46Me? You're practically draping yourself all over them
17:49Because I'm the candy here, Peter!
17:51If there's any chance of this happening, it's because of me!
17:54You're nothing! You hear me? Nothing!
18:07Well, we didn't swing, but we did have violent sex in front of another couple
18:12There'll be a little asterisk in the record books, but it still kinda counts
18:16The dog was barking at us the whole time
18:25Stoey, what are you doing here?
18:26Oh, just wanted to check out the scene
18:27Things seem to be going so well, I thought I'd ramp it up a notch
18:31What do you mean?
18:34Everyone, Brian would like to say a few words to the bride and the groom
18:37I'm sorry, what?
18:43Um, hello
18:44Uh, first of all, I'd like to thank you for having me here
18:47Back to school season is almost here at Macy's
18:51What I mean to say is, you can save 15% on car insurance
18:54At Home Depot, there's no job too big
18:57Little problem, Brian
18:58I left the van open and there are squirrels everywhere
19:01They're climbing all over the equipment and they got my nuggets
19:03And now they're gnawing on the wires
19:06Wait, Stewie
19:07Does that mean this thing don't work no more?
19:10Okay, enough of this, man
19:11Yeah, I got a few things I'd like to say
19:13How's everybody doing tonight, eh?
19:19This guy gonna hunt that chick real good tonight, man, I'll tell you that
19:24Funny thing about immigrants, man
19:26You're all like a bunch of dogs to me
19:30Cheers to all the immigrant dogs here tonight
19:33Oh, I almost forgot
19:35Say hello to my little friend
19:38Hey, I'm Stewie
19:40What do you think you are doing?
19:42Coming here and doing some disgusting impersonation of my family
19:46Hey, man, you don't understand
19:48No, you don't understand
19:50What you think, big man?
19:52You think you got a bigger shirt collar than me?
19:54You think your car's interior has a better animal print than mine?
19:57You think your crocodile boots have more lines between the crocodile parts than mine?
20:02You think you got more pineapples on your chair than me?
20:05Let's count them
20:06Let's have a little contest and see who the most pineapple-y guy is tonight
20:10Everyone, throw your dinner rolls at him
20:14You think you can take me?
20:16You're gonna need an army to take me
20:20Huh? I'm still standing, huh?
20:23I take your rolls
20:32One of you boys gonna teach me how to samba or do I need to figure out a new Saturday?
20:43Well, it's a good thing that crack on the head brought your voice back to normal
20:46Yeah, but I'm bummed Carmen's never gonna speak to me again
20:49I really liked her
20:50Yeah, I saw you dance at the wedding
20:52You weren't gonna make it in a Latin family
20:54What's wrong with the way I dance?
20:55You wanna see a video of it?
20:57Probably not, right?
20:58I wouldn't
20:59We are gonna be a cult
21:05Thank you
21:07Alright, of course
21:29Y
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