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Watch Pelangi di Mars (2026) full movie online in HD. A visually stunning sci-fi drama exploring life, hope, and humanity on Mars. Available in VF & VOSTFR with fast streaming and high-quality video.
Pelangi di Mars 2026, full movie, streaming HD, watch online, sci-fi drama, space movie, Mars film, VF, VOSTFR, free streaming
Pelangi di Mars 2026, full movie, streaming HD, watch online, sci-fi drama, space movie, Mars film, VF, VOSTFR, free streaming
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00:06:36Je suis sérieux.
00:06:37J'ai terminé nos drinks,
00:06:38iré dans le bâtiment,
00:06:39et je vais te débrouiller.
00:06:40All right, Cooter,
00:06:41vous êtes drunk et vous devriez aller.
00:06:42Pourquoi vous êtes comme ça?
00:06:44Cooter, je ne suis pas gay.
00:06:45What?
00:06:46Je ne suis rien.
00:06:47Il n'y a pas de gay.
00:06:48Je suis essayé de vous faire un solide
00:06:50pour vous dire,
00:06:51« Oh, je pense que ma vie n'est pas si mal.
00:06:53J'ai un bon fiancé,
00:06:54j'ai ma propre business,
00:06:55et ma meilleure amie de moi maintenant.
00:06:57Pourquoi vous êtes tellement drôle quand vous êtes drunk?
00:06:59Ça a fait mes feelings.
00:07:02Je vais dans le bâtiment.
00:07:04Hey, Cooter, cool out.
00:07:06He is cut off.
00:07:07He's fine.
00:07:08Over the last three weeks,
00:07:08ordinary people across the country
00:07:10have been sending video submissions
00:07:12hoping to be one of the lucky citizens
00:07:14chosen at random
00:07:15to be among the first people
00:07:17to set foot on Mars.
00:07:18And we have our first winner,
00:07:20Wimmy Tilliams,
00:07:22a 34-year-old father of five
00:07:24who teaches Sunday school
00:07:25in Watertown, South Dakota.
00:07:27Wimmy, you just got the big news.
00:07:29How are you feeling today?
00:07:30I'm so excited to be going on
00:07:31an honest-to-God adventure,
00:07:32to take a journey
00:07:33where absolutely anything could happen.
00:07:35Now, Wimmy, we ran some quick calculations.
00:07:37And not only will you be
00:07:38one of the first people
00:07:40to ever set foot on Mars,
00:07:41you will also be
00:07:42the fattest astronaut
00:07:44ever in space.
00:07:46Oh.
00:07:47Is that so?
00:07:48By quite a lot.
00:07:49Okay.
00:07:49Well, I guess it won't really matter
00:07:52since in space,
00:07:53everyone is weightless.
00:07:55True, true.
00:07:56But you'll still look fat.
00:07:59I'm sorry,
00:07:59is there a question here?
00:08:01Bartender,
00:08:02there's a guy in the bathroom,
00:08:03and he is way out of line.
00:08:05in the bathroom.
00:08:11Hey.
00:08:12I had to go to sleep.
00:08:13I'm so sorry you had a hard day, though.
00:08:16Just make yourself a nice drink
00:08:17and relax.
00:08:18We can talk about things in the morning.
00:08:21Love, Candace.
00:08:25Ha!
00:08:25I tricked you with a note!
00:08:27We're not going to talk about things in the morning,
00:08:29we're going to talk about them now!
00:08:31Oh, no!
00:08:32Why did you say, oh, no?
00:08:35No, no, no, don't cry, don't cry.
00:08:37I didn't mean, oh, no.
00:08:39I just, I was surprised.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:42With the wedding coming up,
00:08:43I'm just under a lot of pressure.
00:08:45It's okay.
00:08:46It's, it's okay.
00:08:47Do you still love me?
00:08:49Yeah, of course I still love you.
00:08:51Do you love me more than anyone in the world?
00:08:54Yes, you know I do.
00:08:56If someone had a gun aimed at me
00:08:58and your mom and dad
00:09:00and you had to pick one person to save,
00:09:03would you pick me?
00:09:04Of course I would, yeah.
00:09:06If we had a baby
00:09:08and the gunman was either going to shoot me
00:09:10or the baby, who would you save?
00:09:12Candace, I don't like doing these hypothetical.
00:09:14Who would you save?
00:09:15Well, I would try and save both of you.
00:09:20No, if you had to pick one!
00:09:22I, I guess I would save the baby
00:09:26since it hadn't really been able to live any of its life yet?
00:09:32Oh my God!
00:09:34No, I meant you.
00:09:35I, I would save you.
00:09:36I would jump in front of the bullet
00:09:38so that both you and the baby could live.
00:09:41I didn't know that was an option.
00:09:43Okay, next time I jump in front of her and the baby.
00:09:47Okay.
00:09:49Mmm.
00:09:52Oh, fuck me.
00:09:56Fuckin' stupid old VCR.
00:09:59Goddamn RCA chords.
00:10:01Knots.
00:10:02Look at this piece of shit in the Pauly Shore movie.
00:10:05Fuckin' idiot.
00:10:06Two more passengers have been selected for billionaire L. Ron Branson's Maiden Mars Expedition.
00:10:12The first name is Todd Sullivan.
00:10:14Todd is a middle school math teacher from Fredericksburg, Virginia.
00:10:18Yeah, I signed up for this Mars thing because my job is working with little kids
00:10:22and I don't know if you've ever worked with little kids, but they fuckin' suck.
00:10:25Mr. Todd, I fell down on the slide.
00:10:28Get the fuck out of here, Jeremy. I'm playing my game.
00:10:33Anyway, as you can see with all this shit, I was just like, fuck Earth.
00:10:38Whoopsie. None of that was bleeped. Sorry about that.
00:10:41The second contestant announced today is Peggy Bork.
00:10:44And what a story she has.
00:10:47Four years ago in a sleepy town in Missouri, neighbors responded to a terrible smell
00:10:51and found the decomposing bodies of Harold and Margaret Bork.
00:10:55Locked in their secret basement was their 24-year-old daughter Peggy.
00:10:59Peggy had been shut off from the world since birth.
00:11:01For the last four years, Peggy has had to acclimate to the real world.
00:11:06Car!
00:11:07No, Peggy. But now Peggy's world is about to get even bigger.
00:11:11I spent so much of my life trapped in the same place that sometimes I didn't even feel alive.
00:11:18You and me both, Peggy.
00:11:19Ever since I've been free, I'm determined to see everything this planet has to offer.
00:11:25That's why I'm going to Mars.
00:11:29Fascinating story. And I believe there's only one more seat available for the Mars voyage.
00:11:34That's right. The raffle ends tomorrow at midnight. So get those submissions in, people.
00:11:38The spaceship blasts off July 12th.
00:11:49My name is Kyle Capshaw, and I need to go to Mars.
00:12:04This is it, man. Your last night of freedom. How do you feel?
00:12:08Why did you take me here?
00:12:10Candace said that we couldn't have your bachelor party at a strip club.
00:12:14But she didn't say we couldn't have it at a male strip club.
00:12:18She said strip clubs.
00:12:20What are you looking at your phone so much for anyway?
00:12:23What, what do you see guys like this every day?
00:12:25They're about to announce the last passenger for that Mars thing.
00:12:28Why do you care? It's not like you signed up for it.
00:12:31Yeah. No, no, no, no. I just, uh, you know, I, I don't know.
00:12:36You did! You're getting married in three weeks. How are you going to go to Mars? What were you thinking?
00:12:42I don't know.
00:12:42What, would you just bail on the wedding? No.
00:12:45Dude, Candace would fucking kill you if she found out you even applied to that.
00:12:49She didn't even want you to go to female strip clubs.
00:12:52But we found a loophole, huh?
00:12:54Well, this isn't really a loophole. I mean, we're still technically disobeying her.
00:12:58It's just less enjoyable. For me.
00:13:01Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, me too.
00:13:03Look, the strippers are doing that thing where they dip their dicks in everybody's mouth for like a second.
00:13:08Let me ask you, do you think it's rude to not participate?
00:13:12Go knock yourself out, Cooter.
00:13:15Uh, what, what, what is that?
00:13:17It's a hair scrunchie.
00:13:18Why?
00:13:19So they can see your eyes.
00:13:23Okay, this is the moment we've all been waiting for.
00:13:27Drum roll, please.
00:13:29And the final passenger on the first ever manned mission to planet Mars is...
00:13:35Please, God, please, God, please, God, come on.
00:13:39Marty Wagner.
00:13:43Marty, you just heard the good news. How excited are you?
00:13:46I didn't sign up. My friend is always playing jokes on me.
00:13:49I thought I was signing a petition to get the trash trucks to come on the weekends.
00:13:53Uh-oh. Well, he got you pretty good this time.
00:13:56Cause you're going to Mars.
00:13:58Oh, oh, please, don't make me go.
00:14:00I, I'm horribly agoraphobic. I can't even leave the house.
00:14:04The idea of traveling down the street terrifies me.
00:14:06You can't make me go to Mars.
00:14:08Oh, yes, we can.
00:14:09No!
00:14:11Some people are just born lucky, I guess.
00:14:13Kyle, Kyle, can we borrow $50?
00:14:15What? No, you can't borrow $50.
00:14:18Who are all these twinks?
00:14:19I met them in the dick line.
00:14:20This one knows where we can get crystal meth. You want in?
00:14:23No, I'm not going to lend you 50 bucks to go do meth with twinks.
00:14:27That's okay. Winner ways to get $50.
00:14:30You know what? I think I'm just going to call it a night.
00:14:32But, but, thank you for the bachelor party.
00:14:35All right. You're lost, man.
00:14:57You've got to be fucking kidding me.
00:14:59Huh? Huh? What's wrong? Huh? What happened?
00:15:01You're still asleep on our wedding day.
00:15:03Did the alarm not go off? I mean, I, I said it.
00:15:07Candace, it's only 7 a.m.
00:15:10I always dreamed that my future husband would be so excited to marry me
00:15:15that he wouldn't even be able to sleep the night before the wedding.
00:15:18And you slept fine.
00:15:20I'm sorry. I slept okay.
00:15:22I'm going to take a shower.
00:15:24When I get out, you better be dressed and ready to take me over to the girls.
00:15:28Okay. Yeah. Sorry again.
00:15:32Okay. So, when it's our anniversary, don't sleep the night before. Okay.
00:15:39Incredible late-breaking announcement.
00:15:41Marty Wagner, one of the last passengers chosen for the maiden mission, committed suicide this morning.
00:15:47What?
00:15:47Now, we have some very cool footage of the suicide that we are about to show,
00:15:51but we must warn you that it is pretty graphic.
00:15:54I don't want to do this. I love my life. I have children.
00:15:58But I just really can't handle the idea of going to Mars. Please don't make me go.
00:16:04You have to.
00:16:05No!
00:16:13So cool. I could seriously, I could watch stuff like that all day.
00:16:16Now, since they only have hours until takeoff this morning,
00:16:19the Mars Enterprises team held a random drawing of local submissions only.
00:16:23Holy shit.
00:16:25And once again, the winner chosen was one Kyle Capshaw.
00:16:29Holy shit!
00:16:30Our news vans are on their way to Mr. Capshaw's house as we speak to give them the good news.
00:16:35Holy shit!
00:16:36Time to be out of the shower.
00:16:40Kyle Capshaw!
00:16:42You've been selected to go to Mars. How do you feel?
00:16:45You have to leave.
00:16:46No, you have to leave. To Mars.
00:16:48Listen to me. My fiancé doesn't know that I entered the contest.
00:16:52We are supposed to get married today. Please do not put this on television.
00:16:55How bad do you think she's gonna be? One to ten.
00:17:01Oh, Candace!
00:17:02You son of a bitch!
00:17:03Baby, I'm sorry. The chair must have fallen against the door. It was an accident.
00:17:09It was?
00:17:10Totally. Yeah, totally.
00:17:12Now, baby, precious lamb, I need to ask you to do something very important.
00:17:17What?
00:17:18You know how I'm incredibly superstitious?
00:17:20No, you're not!
00:17:21Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
00:17:23And superstition dictates that we cannot see each other on the day of the wedding.
00:17:27Then how are you supposed to drive me to Carol's house to get my fucking makeup done?
00:17:36He's running away! Get him!
00:17:37Are you driving crazy? It feels like you're driving crazy.
00:17:41No, no, I'm driving perfectly normal.
00:17:43Slow down, asshole!
00:17:45Thanks for joining us here at the Mars Enterprises launch site.
00:17:48Behind me, you can see the shuttle being prepared for its maiden voyage,
00:17:52which will commence in just a few short hours.
00:17:54Five lucky individuals will be traveling to the red planet this evening.
00:17:59And the captain of the ship is none other than Mars Enterprises' CEO, Sir L. Ron Branson.
00:18:05Now, not many people know this, but besides being a billionaire philanthropist,
00:18:10L. Ron Branson is also a former Air Force test pilot
00:18:13who will be looking after the tourists and making sure they have a safe and fun journey.
00:18:17He's a pilot, an EMT, a gourmet chef,
00:18:20and was voted People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive three years in a row.
00:18:24And the final passenger on the Mars One's maiden voyage is pediatric dentist Kyle Capshaw.
00:18:31And they are all white. Every single one of them.
00:18:36White as the pure driven snow, zero diversity among this crew.
00:18:40Huh. That's awkward.
00:18:43Oh, just in time. We're here. Okay, Carol's house.
00:18:46You have to be dressed and at the chapel by 12 o'clock. Got that?
00:18:50Got it.
00:18:51Now, give me a kiss.
00:18:53Mwah.
00:19:00Come on, Cooter. You better fucking pick up.
00:19:05Hello? Hello? Hey, Kyle. What's up? What's up? What's going on, man? What's up?
00:19:07Cooter, where the hell have you been for the last two weeks?
00:19:10Oh, just been really busy doing work. Lots of work stuff. Just working on a lot of work.
00:19:13Well, I got a huge problem, man. The wedding is today.
00:19:16I know that. I know that, man. I'm on my way there right now.
00:19:19Twinks, the wedding is today. Get your tuxes on.
00:19:21Cooter, listen to me. I need your help, okay? I got accepted into the Mars program.
00:19:28Are you thinking about going?
00:19:28I don't know. I haven't had a chance to think. I've got Candace yelling at me. I've got TV reporters
00:19:33following my every move.
00:19:34Are you on TV, man? That's awesome.
00:19:36Cooter, it's not awesome. I don't know what to do.
00:19:38I mean, this Mars thing, I'd only be gone for like a month and a half, but if I leave
00:19:42on the day of our wedding without telling Candace, I'm basically throwing the whole relationship away.
00:19:47Maybe I have cold feet about the wedding and this is some sort of reaction to that. I don't know
00:19:51what's going on with me.
00:19:53Dude, say no more. Sounds like you need some time to figure this all out. I'm gonna drive down to
00:19:56that launch pad and stall that fucking spaceship for you, dude.
00:19:58Twinks, get the gun out of the trunk.
00:20:01Cooter, you can't stall a spaceship. That's insane.
00:20:03Ah, you're right. That's insane. I can't stall a spaceship. They're made of metal. All the meth in the world
00:20:08couldn't stall a spaceship.
00:20:09What?
00:20:09I'll stall the wedding instead. Heading to the church, Kyle.
00:20:12Cooter, no, no.
00:20:13I got you, buddy.
00:20:14Twinks, to the car.
00:20:34Hello, Sandy. What do you think we should do?
00:20:38Oh, don't be like that. I'm sorry that you have to live in the glove compartment.
00:20:43She thinks I've thrown you out. Boy, I really could use your cool level head right now.
00:20:50I've gotten us into a real mess.
00:20:53You're getting this, right?
00:20:55Oh, yeah.
00:20:56We're getting a goddamn pay raise.
00:20:58I mean, what would you do?
00:21:03Oh, come on. We don't have time for that.
00:21:06Besides, you said last time was the last time.
00:21:12Okay, let me just make sure no one's looking.
00:21:16Oh. Nope, didn't see us.
00:21:20Well, the coast is clear, but this is the last time, okay? After today, I'm a married man.
00:21:31Now tell me.
00:21:35Thank you for coming. Here's a VHS of Father of the Bride.
00:21:39Thank you for coming. Here's a VHS of Father of the Bride.
00:21:44Cooter, how are you?
00:21:46Cool it, Mr. S.
00:21:47Everybody listen up. I have an announcement from the groom himself.
00:21:55First of all, no TVs. That's right.
00:21:59Oh, Cooter, there's a scene I wanted to show everyone.
00:22:02Secondly, everyone hand in their cell phones. Grooms orders.
00:22:05Kyle has prepared a big surprise for everyone, but it's on live television right now.
00:22:12So nobody watch the news or check your phones in case someone you know is watching the news.
00:22:19I saw the news this morning. They're looking for Kyle because he's supposed to...
00:22:23Get the hell out of this wedding!
00:22:25Cooter, explain what's happening right now.
00:22:28Shut the fuck up!
00:22:32I don't know, Sandy. I mean, of course I want to go to Mars.
00:22:35I want to have adventure in my life. But I made a commitment to her.
00:22:41No, don't say that. She's a good person.
00:22:44And who knows, maybe getting married will help fix the relationship.
00:22:47I mean, the point is, it would completely devastate her if I left her at the altar.
00:22:52I mean, isn't that what being a real man is? Huh? Putting the feelings of others before yourself?
00:22:59You know what? I'm sorry, Sandy, but I think I've made a decision.
00:23:05I'm getting married.
00:23:15Where in the holy fuck are you?
00:23:18Don't worry, honey. I'm on my way.
00:23:20Well, on my way isn't here. If you don't walk through that door in seconds, I'm going to fill Hartman
00:23:26your ass.
00:23:28Actually, you know what? I've just, I've just run into some pretty bad traffic on I-25.
00:23:34Fuck you, pussy! You get through that traffic and get here to marry me!
00:23:38Yeah, Ann, you're, uh, yeah, you're breaking up. It's, it's really hard to hear you right now.
00:23:43I'm going to fucking Mars.
00:23:47We are now going live to the arrival of the final passenger.
00:23:50Mr. Capshaw, just in time. Follow me. Now we're getting down to the wire here, so I'm going to have
00:23:55to get you to sign and walk.
00:23:56This first one is a standard release form for the cameras and any promotional material we would use your likeness
00:24:01for.
00:24:01Okay.
00:24:03This one absolves our company from any liability in case of spontaneous incineration.
00:24:08Incineration? Uh, how often do these explode?
00:24:11We don't know yet. Maiden voyage and all.
00:24:13Right, yeah, okay, that makes sense.
00:24:15This next one absolves our company from all liability in the event you suffer a mental breakdown.
00:24:19Oh, does that happen a lot?
00:24:21Sometimes people go space crazy.
00:24:24Geez, okay. Well, hope that doesn't happen to me.
00:24:27And this last one absolves our company from any liability in case one of the other passengers goes space crazy
00:24:32and shoots you or something.
00:24:33Are there guns on the spaceship?
00:24:34You know, I don't know the answer to that, but I would be happy to look into it for you.
00:24:37Oh, thank you so much. That would be great.
00:24:39But I am going to need you to sign real quick.
00:24:41Oh, sure, right.
00:24:43And then Steve Martin gets this little tear in his eye.
00:24:47He's looking at his daughter, but all he can see is his little girl-
00:24:52Oh, goddammit, Cooter! Why can't we watch the television?
00:24:55Come on, you're doing good, Mr. S.
00:24:58Cooter! Where is he?
00:25:00He's on TV. Nobody watch it.
00:25:02Hey, everybody. I found another TV in the banquet room.
00:25:06We can just power this thing up and-
00:25:09Cooter, crossing the line!
00:25:11What is wrong with him?
00:25:12Oh my god, he's bleeding!
00:25:14Somebody call 911!
00:25:15It's too late. Cooter, this man is-
00:25:19Look, everybody! Kyle's on TV!
00:25:22There he goes, Kyle Capshaw, the last passenger onto the shuttle.
00:25:25About to leave everyone on Earth for Mars.
00:25:29What?!
00:25:29Yeah, he's not getting married at all today! He's going to Mars!
00:25:42Hello, straggler. I'm L. Ron Branson. Welcome aboard.
00:25:49Pick up. Pick up. You better pick up.
00:25:57Burn.
00:25:58And we are approaching liftoff.
00:26:01Ten.
00:26:02Nine.
00:26:03Eight.
00:26:04Seven.
00:26:05Six.
00:26:07Five.
00:26:08Four.
00:26:10Two.
00:26:12One.
00:26:13Lift off!
00:26:19Two.
00:26:23One.
00:26:25Lift off!
00:26:26Two.
00:26:32Two.
00:26:33Artificial gravity is set in.
00:26:34Listen up, my fellow astronauts.
00:26:38Whoa!
00:26:38Whoa!
00:26:38First things first.
00:26:39When I call your name, come on up, get yourself a name tag and tell us a little about yourself.
00:26:44What you did on Earth and what you want to get out of this trip.
00:26:48Todd Sullivan.
00:26:52My name's Todd.
00:26:53I think it's stupid that we all have to stand up here and introduce ourselves and fuck name tags.
00:26:58Oh, okay.
00:26:59Well, we don't have to wear them, I guess.
00:27:02But I did stay up all night making everyone individual drawings.
00:27:08Okay.
00:27:09Well, I guess we can just eat cocktail shrimp and play debt games.
00:27:13Okay, Wimmy, did your serve make it over the net?
00:27:16Uh, yeah.
00:27:18Okay, Kyle, now you take a card.
00:27:20Did you return his volley?
00:27:21It says, yeah.
00:27:23Oh, good.
00:27:24Okay, Wimmy, take another card.
00:27:25Did you return the volley?
00:27:27It says I missed.
00:27:28Oh, match point.
00:27:30Kyle, you get a reward card.
00:27:33Now, would you like surprise now or surprise later?
00:27:36Uh, I will take surprise later.
00:27:39You know, the commercials made future tennis seem a lot more future-y.
00:27:44And tennis-y.
00:27:45Did you make this game, Elrond?
00:27:47Well, if you guys are not feeling it, we could play future badminton, future hi-li, or future darts.
00:27:53Uh, you know, I'm good.
00:27:55I'm gonna go mingle.
00:28:01Hey, Peggy, right?
00:28:03Yes!
00:28:04You know, I don't want to be super negative right out the gate, but doesn't all of this seem a
00:28:07little less cool than they made it out to be?
00:28:10I mean, I sacrificed quite a lot to be here.
00:28:14Oh, what did you sacrifice?
00:28:16Well, I mean, I was actually supposed to get married today.
00:28:21Wow!
00:28:22Yeah, but I mean, we all have families and friends back on Earth that we just picked up and left
00:28:26for a month.
00:28:27Your friends will still be there for you when you get back?
00:28:30I don't know about that.
00:28:31Sure they will!
00:28:32I just told my friends, gang, I'll be back in a month!
00:28:36And then I left them 20 bowls of food, and I filled the bathtub with milk.
00:28:41What?
00:28:42For drinking!
00:28:43I'm gonna assume that you're talking about cats here.
00:28:46You just left them with a bathtub filled with milk?
00:28:49Precisely!
00:28:50Peggy, it's June.
00:28:52That milk is gonna go bad in like a day or two.
00:28:55What do you mean?
00:28:56Well, I mean, that's all you left for your cats to drink.
00:29:00Yeah?
00:29:01What do you mean?
00:29:01Well, what's gonna happen after the bathtub milk turns and they've got three and a half weeks with nothing to
00:29:06drink?
00:29:07What do you mean?
00:29:09Nothing. I... I don't mean anything.
00:29:12Anyway, like I said, your loved ones will be there waiting for you when you get back!
00:29:18Okay, friends, listen up.
00:29:21Loser!
00:29:22Okay, I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that.
00:29:27Loser!
00:29:29The time has come for us to go into stasis.
00:29:32Now, this will be a chemical sleep that will make the next two weeks of travel feel like a two
00:29:36-hour cat nap.
00:29:37Woo! He said cats!
00:29:39Uh, is this gonna be like a shot or something?
00:29:41No, we will each be taking 500 easy-to-swallow pills.
00:29:45What?
00:29:45Did you say 500?
00:29:47500?
00:29:53Can we get some more water?
00:29:55Uh, no.
00:29:56No.
00:29:58Oh, God.
00:30:10Ow!
00:30:12I slept on my arm weird.
00:30:15God, does the aerobed half deflated.
00:30:17Oh, my neck!
00:30:20Elrond, I'm having a little trouble moving my neck.
00:30:23How did I get over here?
00:30:24Well, after you guys took all those Ambien...
00:30:26Stop!
00:30:27What?
00:30:28Ambien?
00:30:28We took... we took 500 Ambien?
00:30:31Pretty cool, right, Todd?
00:30:33That's what stasis is?
00:30:34Isn't that how Lil' Peep died?
00:30:36Oh...
00:30:37Oh, wait.
00:30:38Oh, okay.
00:30:39You're just all gonna take them off?
00:30:40Okay.
00:30:41Oh, hey.
00:30:41Did you guys...
00:30:42Did you guys notice my sign?
00:30:44It says,
00:30:45Welcome to Mars.
00:30:46A place for friends.
00:30:48Oh, that's... yeah.
00:30:49That's cool, man.
00:30:51As you can see, I drew each one of us.
00:30:53Took me most of the two weeks here.
00:30:54Todd, what do you think?
00:30:55Uh, it sucks.
00:30:57It's stupid.
00:30:58You're stupid.
00:30:58You suck.
00:31:01Come on, Todd.
00:31:03Oh, here we go.
00:31:05Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments, the airlock door will open, and in front of the watching world, we
00:31:11will become the first people to step from this ship and see Mars with our own eyes.
00:31:25This is incredible.
00:31:34Gather around, gather around.
00:31:36Just wanna lay down some ground rules for my fellow Martians.
00:31:41Woo!
00:31:42Thank you, Jesus.
00:31:43The first and most important rule is...
00:31:46Have fun!
00:31:47Have fun up here, guys.
00:31:48This is your vacation.
00:31:50Mars is for fun.
00:31:52The second rule is do not touch the airlock because it will kill you.
00:31:55Now, down that corridor are the sleeping pods.
00:31:57Go claim a room and be back here for our first Martian lunch at 1400.
00:32:04Well, hello, Kyle.
00:32:06Oh, hey, Wimmy.
00:32:07I see that you were praying again.
00:32:09A lot of prayer with you.
00:32:11All right.
00:32:11So, uh...
00:32:12So what's your story?
00:32:14Well, I'm a faithful husband with a wife who is quite a beauty on the inside, a proud father to
00:32:18five angelic children, I have type 2 diabetes, and I don't believe in dinosaurs.
00:32:23What about you?
00:32:23Uh, I'm a dentist, which is cool. Actually, no, it's not. Little kids hate me. And, uh, I do believe
00:32:31in dinosaurs.
00:32:33Well, we'll work on that. That's why I'm here. I'm a missionary of sorts. I'm going to turn Mars into
00:32:38the first completely Christian planet.
00:32:41Okay, but there aren't any people on Mars.
00:32:44Aren't there?
00:32:46Oh, no.
00:32:49Bon Appetit.
00:32:50Whoa! Elrond, did you make all this yourself?
00:32:55I had a little help from my good friend, Murdered Midwestern Homosexual Teenager.
00:33:01One more time, Elrond?
00:33:02I said this meal was actually prepared by one Murdered Midwestern Homosexual Teenager.
00:33:10It's an acronym.
00:33:11Its technical name is Mechanical Ultra Responsive Dietary Electronic Robotic Energized Delivery Meal Interface Dietary Wellness Efficiency System Tactile Edible
00:33:20Responsorous Nutrition Home or Mobile Omnivorous Sustenance Expeditious Xeno Culinary User Aligned Lunch Tool Enabled Eating Nourishment Aging Gastronomical Electronic
00:33:28Robot.
00:33:29What?
00:33:30But that's a little bit of a mouthful, so we call it the Murdered Midwestern Homosexual Teenager for short.
00:33:35That's really weird and offensive. I think that happened.
00:33:39This is a one-of-a-kind prototype, but in a few years, Lord willing, every town from Chicago to
00:33:44New Orleans will have its own Murdered Midwestern Homosexual Teenager.
00:33:48Gotta fix that acronym.
00:33:49Yeah, some of those words seemed unnecessary.
00:33:52You said robotic twice.
00:33:53Hey, I didn't name it. Take it up with the good people that the Holocaust was greatly exaggerated.
00:33:58I'm sorry, what?
00:33:59It's a company. It stands for Technological Human Electronics.
00:34:02Okay, okay, so how does this thing work?
00:34:03It's basically like a 3D printer for food. You just say whatever you want it to make and it-
00:34:09Jaeger.
00:34:12Rad.
00:34:13You got to hit that shit when the DJ's on.
00:34:17Yeah, baby, wear my silk pajama when the food is wrong.
00:34:20You got to hit that shit when they play your song.
00:34:24You gotcha, you gotcha, you gotcha, you gotcha, you gotcha.
00:34:28Oh, yeah!
00:34:44Whoa. Hey, Wimmy.
00:34:48Good morning. This is a surprise.
00:34:51Yeah, you're in my bed.
00:34:52Oh, well, are we sure you didn't get in my bed?
00:34:56Yep. This is my bed.
00:34:58Oh, well, last night was the first in 18 years that I didn't share my bed with my lovely on
00:35:03-the-inside wife.
00:35:04So in my sleep, I must have wandered over here, mistaking your bodily warmth for hers.
00:35:09Okay, well, I'm going to get up.
00:35:1310-4, good buddy.
00:35:22There were good people on both sides of the Charlottesville fans.
00:35:28They even put spaces in the-
00:35:29Fuck this company.
00:35:32Last night was fun.
00:35:35You know what, Peggy? Last night was fun.
00:35:38I think this is a really great group we got here.
00:35:40And it's cool that we're on Mars.
00:35:42And it's cool we're on Mars.
00:35:45You're right, Peggy.
00:35:46Fucking Mars.
00:35:48All right.
00:35:52Oh, boy.
00:35:53You know what that alarm means.
00:35:54It's time for Kyle's Surprise.
00:35:57Oh, okay.
00:35:58What's going on?
00:35:59What are we talking about?
00:36:00Your surprise.
00:36:01Surprise later?
00:36:02From future tennis?
00:36:03Oh, right.
00:36:04Hey, wow.
00:36:05Look at me.
00:36:06Everything's coming up, Kyle.
00:36:08Now, I know the Martian landscape can feel pretty foreign,
00:36:11but you've won something that's going to make this place
00:36:14feel a lot more like home.
00:36:16All right.
00:36:17Okay.
00:36:18Lay it on me.
00:36:19Fun.
00:36:19Okay, Kyle.
00:36:21Say hello to your very own-
00:36:25Talk to me, baby.
00:36:26What do we got?
00:36:29Fiance!
00:36:31What the fuck?
00:36:32What the fuck?
00:36:34Wait, how is-
00:36:35How-how-how is she here now?
00:36:37When you won future tennis, I asked if you wanted surprise now
00:36:40or surprise later.
00:36:42You said surprise later.
00:36:43She shouldn't be here.
00:36:44This is bad.
00:36:45Can we pause?
00:36:46Can we-can we pause for a second?
00:36:47Can we make the door go back up, please?
00:36:49No, Kyle.
00:36:50We have to get her out of there.
00:36:51That's a decompression chamber.
00:36:53They're very dangerous.
00:36:54Oh, God.
00:36:54Oh, God.
00:36:55Oh, God.
00:36:55Fuck me.
00:36:56Fuck me.
00:36:56Oh, fuck.
00:36:58Hi, Pumpkin!
00:37:00Hi, Kyle.
00:37:03Hi.
00:37:04I'm Candace.
00:37:05Kyle's fiance.
00:37:06That's funny.
00:37:07Kyle never talked about you at all.
00:37:08Yeah, I did.
00:37:09Yes, I know.
00:37:10I'm sure that I did.
00:37:11So this is-this is crazy.
00:37:13This is also surprising.
00:37:14How are you here?
00:37:15Well, when you chose surprise later, I knew we had to think of something really good for
00:37:20you.
00:37:20And as luck would have it, right then, Candace showed up at the launch pad and was going
00:37:24on and on about how much she needed to get up here and get to ya.
00:37:28When I found out, I said, what the heck?
00:37:30Send her up in a supply pod.
00:37:32Nothing is more important than true love.
00:37:34That's so cool.
00:37:36What would have happened if he chose surprise now?
00:37:38He would have won $400,000.
00:37:42Oh, $400,000.
00:37:44Yeah.
00:37:46Uh, Candace, could-could we just have a little sidebar to kinda clear the air?
00:37:50Cause, you know, I-I'm-I'm sensing a little hostility between us.
00:37:55I'm not hostile, Kyle.
00:37:56Are you hostile?
00:37:57No, no, no.
00:37:58I just-I-I feel like you're in-I mean, I don't wanna tell you how you feel, but I
00:38:03imagine
00:38:03that you would have the right to be frustrated with me.
00:38:10I'm perfectly calm, Kyle.
00:38:12Yeah, but, um, you seem mad.
00:38:16I'm not mad.
00:38:17Are you mad?
00:38:18No, no, no.
00:38:18I-I'm not mad at all.
00:38:20Okay.
00:38:21Then we're not mad.
00:38:22Let's just drop it.
00:38:23Okay.
00:38:23Yeah.
00:38:24Yeah.
00:38:24Fine.
00:38:25I mean, it just-it seems kinda weird.
00:38:28You motherfucker!
00:38:29Help!
00:38:30She's gonna kill me!
00:38:31You dickless piece of shit!
00:38:34Okay, everyone.
00:38:36Seems like the perfect time for a little safety meeting.
00:38:39We've had some rather unsafe behavior recently.
00:38:42I'm not going to name names.
00:38:44But I just wanna really quickly go over some of the basics.
00:38:48First things first.
00:38:49This is the airlock.
00:38:50Earlier today, Kyle was suggesting that we leave someone in the airlock.
00:38:55Now, this is unsafe for a myriad of reasons.
00:38:57If you're in this thing without a space suit when the exterior door opens,
00:39:01the changing pressures could be fatal.
00:39:03Now, if you do have your space suit on,
00:39:06and you're going to take a walk on the Martian surface,
00:39:08you would stand on this circle and give the voice command,
00:39:11Airlock C-L-O-S-E.
00:39:14Oh!
00:39:15Airlock closed!
00:39:18Thank you, Peggy.
00:39:19Yes, that is what I was spelling.
00:39:22Exterior door opening in 30 seconds.
00:39:25Okay.
00:39:26Luckily, we have a safeguard built in.
00:39:28If you happen to be stuck inside the airlock without your space suit,
00:39:32just give the voice command, abort airlock procedure.
00:39:35Well, then do it!
00:39:36I am doing it.
00:39:38I was trying to.
00:39:39Abort airlock...
00:39:40You gotta hurry, Airlock!
00:39:41I'm sorry.
00:39:42I didn't quite get that.
00:39:44Evacuating airlock in 20 seconds.
00:39:46Guys, you cannot say the command while people are talking.
00:39:49You all have to be...
00:39:50I'm gonna take it from here, okay?
00:39:52Abort airlock.
00:39:52Just be quiet, Kyle.
00:39:54I'm sorry.
00:39:54I didn't quite get you.
00:39:55Candace, now you did it!
00:39:56I'm sorry.
00:39:57I was telling Kyle to be quiet for you.
00:39:59I wasn't gonna say anything.
00:40:00You just did it from there!
00:40:01Evacuate airlock in 10 seconds.
00:40:03Everyone, shut up!
00:40:04Everyone, shut up!
00:40:05Shut up, Kyle!
00:40:07Shut up!
00:40:07Wimmy, shut up!
00:40:09Stop!
00:40:09You just talked, Candace!
00:40:11Sorry, Elrond!
00:40:12Will you both shut the fuck up?
00:40:14Everyone, shut up!
00:40:14Shut up!
00:40:15Shut up!
00:40:18Abort airlock procedure.
00:40:22Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!
00:40:24What the fuck?!
00:40:24Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my
00:40:26gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh
00:40:27my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,
00:40:29oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my
00:40:33gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh
00:40:35my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,
00:40:35oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my
00:40:35gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh
00:40:37my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh
00:40:55Elrond Branson était le seul qui connaît commenter le ship.
00:40:58Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty.
00:41:01Fat man, be quiet, not now.
00:41:04Ok, ok, ok.
00:41:05We just, we need to keep our heads together.
00:41:08Poor choice of words, dude.
00:41:09What?
00:41:10Poor choice of words.
00:41:11What?
00:41:12You said, let's keep our heads together.
00:41:14His head exploded.
00:41:15The things you say are inappropriate and you don't realize it.
00:41:18You're dumb.
00:41:19Holy shit, he won't stop singing.
00:41:22Oh, I'm sorry.
00:41:23I'm just the only one trying to get us out of this mess.
00:41:25How?
00:41:26Uh, by sending a little SOS to the big man upstairs.
00:41:29But, Wimmy, God's not real.
00:41:34Peggy, isn't it enough that you killed our captain?
00:41:37Do you have to blasphemy God while you're at it?
00:41:39I didn't kill him.
00:41:40You're the one who said airlock closed.
00:41:43Airlock closed.
00:41:44Hey, come on, Wimmy.
00:41:45Leave Peggy alone.
00:41:47She can't help it.
00:41:47She's, you know...
00:41:49What are you saying, Kyle?
00:41:50Well, I mean, Peggy is obviously...
00:41:52She's, you know...
00:41:54Peggy, I don't want to offend you, but, I mean, you're obviously...
00:41:58Like, you have a mental thing.
00:42:02Right?
00:42:02Are you mentally handicapped?
00:42:04Oh!
00:42:05I'm sorry!
00:42:06No, that came out wrong.
00:42:08Look, it's not going to solve anything for us to be blaming each other.
00:42:11Now, I'm sure each one of us in this room has made mistakes.
00:42:15And right now, the best thing is for everyone here to just forgive everyone here so that we can all
00:42:21work together moving forward.
00:42:24So we can all work together moving forward.
00:42:27Todd, what is with the attitude?
00:42:29I don't have an attitude.
00:42:30Well, I'm not your fucking dad, man.
00:42:31I know you're not my dad.
00:42:33My dad is awesome.
00:42:35Is Alrod okay?
00:42:43Okay, we have to get in touch with Mission Control.
00:42:45Tell them what happened and get them to pick us up and take us home.
00:42:48I know! Hit this one!
00:42:50Peggy, don't touch. This is dangerous.
00:42:53Okay, from now on, no one touches anything.
00:42:57Todd!
00:42:58Telecom. It's short for telecommunications.
00:43:02Mission Control, can you hear us?
00:43:04There they are!
00:43:06Bastards!
00:43:07You bastards!
00:43:09Come to kill us now, too?
00:43:12Guys, guys, we are so sorry about Elrond. It was an accident.
00:43:17We saw everything! There's cameras!
00:43:20Uh, what do we do? How do we get back home? What happens?
00:43:24Okay. Well, we should be able to just have the ship automatically bring you home. Just don't touch that big
00:43:32red button.
00:43:34Um, Peggy already did.
00:43:37What? You didn't hear a grinding sound, did you?
00:43:40Yeah.
00:43:41Well, great. That just disengaged all the return boosters.
00:43:45Oh, thank you, Peggy.
00:43:46Did I fix it?
00:43:47Well, now what? Are we screwed? Is there another way to get back?
00:43:50Of course there is. In the sciences, we always prepare for a plan B.
00:43:56Oh, thank God.
00:43:58Yeah. If we start constructing another ship now, we can get to you guys in about five years.
00:44:04Five years? Did you say five years? We're all gonna be stuck up here for five years? Five! Five whole
00:44:10years!
00:44:10Well, maybe you should have thought about that. Before you killed Elrond Branson, he was a candle in the wind!
00:44:16And a rocket man!
00:44:19That dude? What a nerd.
00:44:22Nerd! Nerd! You know what? That's the problem with cools. You guys just think you can say whatever you want
00:44:29to anybody!
00:44:30Well, if you wanted a world without nerds, then Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday! You're on one! Nerds out!
00:44:39No! No, no, no! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! No! No!
00:44:53I cannot get enough of things like that. Look at that. Now, let's see if we can go frame by
00:44:57frame. Toby, can we go frame by frame here?
00:44:58Someone get Toby out of the chair and let's go frame by frame. Okay, here we go. Now, he's like,
00:45:03oh, oh, I'm in trouble, I'm in trouble!
00:45:05Oh, boom! Rewind! See? See? He's still alive there. Still alive there. There. Still alive. And he's feeling it right
00:45:12there.
00:45:12And that's where I think he died. What about you?
00:45:16I honestly have a hard time watching this stuff.
00:45:18Oh, not me. I have a whole folder of this sort of stuff on my desktop at home. It's marked
00:45:22taxes so my wife doesn't snoop around in it.
00:45:25Getting back to the crisis at hand, millions and millions of viewers around the globe are mourning the loss of
00:45:30billionaire philanthropist Elron Branson and watching the developments with bated breath.
00:45:35So much so that Mars Enterprises has set up a 24-hour feed so concerned citizens can monitor the events
00:45:40in the space station around the clock.
00:45:42And with the sudden and shockingly metal death of the only person who knew how to operate the ship, how
00:45:48do you think the crew's holding up?
00:45:49I tell ya, it must be incredibly, incredibly tense up there. Let's take a look at the feed. Where should
00:45:55we start?
00:45:56Hey, why not the women's bathroom? I like the way you think.
00:45:59Stupid Kyle doesn't realize what he's giving up. But you're going to remind him.
00:46:05You're the hottest bitch on this planet.
00:46:09Pizza. Roast beef. Chocolate. Frosted Lucky Charms. Recent Bucks. Cocoa Puffs.
00:46:27Hi. So, Todd, huh? That's an interesting name.
00:46:33I'm not going to stick my dick in crazy.
00:46:34What?
00:46:35You just told your boyfriend you're on a break. You're hurt. You're angry. You want to fuck somebody. You're being
00:46:40crazy.
00:46:41Oh. My. God. I wouldn't even think.
00:46:44Okay, sweet.
00:46:45That is not why I came over here.
00:46:48Oh, okay. My mistake.
00:46:49And for your information, crazy girls are the best in bed.
00:46:54That's not true. That's just something crazy girls say.
00:46:57Oh!
00:47:03Hey, Peggy.
00:47:05They never said there was a limit on how much food we could make.
00:47:07God. It stinks in here.
00:47:10Anyways, just wanted to stop by and say you were looking pretty hot tonight.
00:47:15Shut up! Literally nobody has ever said that to me. Literally!
00:47:22That's a shame. Cause I think you're fucking sexy.
00:47:26Candace, you are blowing my mind right now!
00:47:29What do you say we lock this door, put on some music, grab a bottle of Everclear, and...
00:47:37Candace, I'm gonna stop you right there! I don't stick my fingers in crazy!
00:47:41What?!
00:47:42It's my one rule!
00:47:44Don't get me wrong, Candace! You're a very attractive woman!
00:47:47And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't flattered!
00:47:49But I know where this road leads, and it's not a place where either of us would feel good if...
00:47:55What the fuck is wrong with everyone on this spaceship?
00:48:04Hey there. Wimmy, right?
00:48:13Okay?
00:48:17Hi, Candace. I was just talking to my best friend.
00:48:20Who's your best friend?
00:48:22Ugh! This is so fucking hard.
00:48:25What say you and I have a little drink?
00:48:28Let me stop you right there.
00:48:29I do not imbibe.
00:48:31But I am happy to provide some non-judgmental company while you poison your brain and jeopardize your soul with
00:48:36alcohol.
00:48:37You're funny.
00:48:39Listen, Wimmy.
00:48:40You're a man with needs.
00:48:43I'm a woman with needs.
00:48:45What do you say we help each other out?
00:48:47What? No!
00:48:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:48:49I am taken.
00:48:51Here's the Tillium's Clan right here.
00:48:53Ah!
00:48:54What?
00:49:02Candace! We just adulteried!
00:49:04I adulteried!
00:49:05I just betrayed my wife and children!
00:49:11I'm sorry.
00:49:12I just don't know what's going on with me.
00:49:14This whole thing with me and Kyle has me feel like I'm losing my mind.
00:49:20I'm not usually like this, I swear.
00:49:22Okay.
00:49:23Well, the Lord has everything happen for a reason.
00:49:27So, uh, maybe he can use this as a teachable moment.
00:49:31Okay.
00:49:33John 3.16 says,
00:49:34For God so loved the earth that he gave his only begotten Son.
00:49:37Yeah, but, Wimmy, we're not on earth.
00:49:41Well, it says earth, but it means the whole solar system.
00:49:44Well, why would he say earth if he meant solar system?
00:49:49Candace.
00:49:49Well, way back when this was written, God probably had no idea that in the future man would make it
00:49:54to other planets.
00:49:56Well, I mean, he knew.
00:49:58He just had to know.
00:49:59He just probably didn't...
00:50:00I mean...
00:50:02Hold on.
00:50:04Hey, hey, I mean, I get it, guys.
00:50:06In high school, I wasn't the most popular guy either.
00:50:08I didn't even kiss a girl until I was 18.
00:50:1218?
00:50:1418?
00:50:15That's not nerdy.
00:50:16That's cool.
00:50:17No, I didn't mean 18. It wasn't 18.
00:50:19I don't know why I said that. It was way later. It was like 20.
00:50:2320?!
00:50:24Nine. 29. I was 29.
00:50:26Oh, okay.
00:50:29That's pretty lame, I guess.
00:50:31I mean, I kissed a girl when I was 28.
00:50:34I didn't, but I could've.
00:50:36Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:50:37You kissed a girl at 28?
00:50:39Are you sure I'm not talking to a couple of cools right now?
00:50:44Yeah, right. Get out of here. You don't really think that.
00:50:48Oh, I don't know. I'm getting some real cool vibes coming through this monitor right now.
00:50:53Shut up.
00:50:53You know what would be really cool though? If you guys could help me figure out how to fly this
00:50:58thing back home.
00:51:00Well, I guess us cools have to stick together.
00:51:05That's right.
00:51:06Okay. Well, it's not gonna be easy, but I think if we all keep our cool, we'll be able to
00:51:14walk you through it.
00:51:15The first thing you're gonna need to do is refill the spaceship's fuel reserve tanks.
00:51:20Kyle, I'm so sorry. Can we talk?
00:51:23Just a minute, Candace. The mission control guys are helping us get home.
00:51:27Alright, now, to do this, you'll need to divert the fuel from the station's resting generators to the ship's return
00:51:33tank.
00:51:34Okay, resting generators. Got it.
00:51:36I cheated on you with Wimmy.
00:51:39With Wimmy? What? Why? Weird.
00:51:41Okay, alright. Look, Candace, that is really shitty, and we will have to talk about that, but I gotta do
00:51:49this right now.
00:51:49This is what I'm talking about. I travel all the way through space to get to Mars to talk to
00:51:55you, and all you do is ignore me.
00:51:58Guys, is this resting generator thing an outside kind of deal, or is this somewhere in the ship here?
00:52:03That is outside of the ship. Right on the underside of the central pond.
00:52:07Hiya!
00:52:08Candace, no!
00:52:11Two years of my life, Kyle. My two best years wasted with you.
00:52:19Oh, my God! Candace, stop!
00:52:26Oh, my God.
00:52:27I could have married Brian Delaney.
00:52:29Oh, my God!
00:52:36Candace, you broke the earth...
00:52:38well now we're even because you broke my heart!
00:52:42No, no! You broke the fucking earth!
00:52:45The meeks shall inherit the earth.
00:52:49The earth is filled with the steadfast love of the Lord.
00:52:54The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof.
00:53:04The thing, she fucking broke the thing.
00:53:07We're going to die.
00:53:08Do you want to play future tennis with me?
00:53:12Todd, I don't know how to fix the container, and I saw her do it.
00:53:16She threw the thing, and then it made the thing punch right through it.
00:53:20We're going to die. We're all going to die.
00:53:22What are you talking about?
00:53:23We're going to die, man.
00:53:25And why do you think we're dying?
00:53:26Because I saw the fucking air. Our air is sucked out into outer space.
00:53:31Okay, and how did that happen?
00:53:32Because this bitch...
00:53:35No, no, do not judge me until I have finished my sentence,
00:53:40because then you will see that she has murdered you,
00:53:45and she has murdered you,
00:53:48and she has murdered me,
00:53:50and she has also committed suicide
00:53:53and killed Wimmy.
00:53:54Where... where's Wimmy?
00:53:57There is no God here.
00:53:58We abandoned him when we left the earth.
00:54:00He has no jurisdiction up here.
00:54:02The red planet is the planet of the devil.
00:54:07Okay. First of all, I'm going to apologize to the room.
00:54:11Uh, I lost my cool there.
00:54:13I said some things that didn't need to be said,
00:54:15and it's important for a leader to be calm and collected.
00:54:18What?
00:54:19What?
00:54:20Dude, you are amazing.
00:54:22Hey, can you say that part about you being the leader again?
00:54:25Kyle, do you want to play future tennis with me?
00:54:27Kyle hates future tennis.
00:54:29He thinks it's a game that makes the person
00:54:30you claim to have love for two years
00:54:32come and see you after you try to run away from them.
00:54:34Okay, Candace, can we try and stay focused, please?
00:54:37Life-threatening situation here.
00:54:38Ring a bell, you threw a fit, now we're fucked.
00:54:41We're fucked?
00:54:41Yes, we're fucked!
00:54:42We're not fucked.
00:54:44We still have a perfectly good spaceship
00:54:46sitting right over there that can take us home.
00:54:48No, the nerd said that there's all this complicated stuff
00:54:50we have to do.
00:54:51Let me guess what they said.
00:54:52We have to refuel, fill up the gas tank?
00:54:55They, well, they said fuel reserve.
00:54:58Uh-huh.
00:54:58I'm guessing their plan involves something like
00:55:00diverting the fuel from the station's generators
00:55:02into the ship's reserve,
00:55:03probably some sort of exterior switch
00:55:04and a transfer hose we need to connect.
00:55:06Wait a minute.
00:55:08Okay, I don't want to offend you right now,
00:55:10but are you smart?
00:55:13I don't want to offend you, but are you smart?
00:55:16Todd, can I get a sidebar really quick?
00:55:18Look, Candace and Wemmy are very crazy
00:55:22and Peggy is also very crazy.
00:55:25You seem in a weird way not to be crazy.
00:55:28Do you think that you can help me fix this ship?
00:55:30Uh, I think it'll be more like you helping me fix this ship
00:55:33and also I don't need that.
00:55:35I find that to be very encouraging.
00:55:41Hey there, Lust Muffin.
00:55:43What the fuck did you just say?
00:55:45Guess what?
00:55:46What?
00:55:47Turns out you were right about Satan ruling Mars.
00:55:50I didn't say anything about...
00:55:51I should have seen it earlier.
00:55:52It was right in front of my damn face.
00:55:56Part of my French, I swear now.
00:55:58What are you talking about?
00:55:59I was just in my room indulging my own flesh,
00:56:02treating my body like a damn playground.
00:56:05What is that?
00:56:06Playing with my private parts outside of marriage.
00:56:10And I don't give a shh.
00:56:12Damn.
00:56:13And guess what?
00:56:14I loved it.
00:56:15Now I get what all the fuss is about.
00:56:17Why are you telling me all this?
00:56:19I'm here to take you up on your offer.
00:56:21I want to do every damn thing.
00:56:26Ah, fuck it.
00:56:30These suits are pretty cool.
00:56:34We just actually became the first two people
00:56:36to ever set foot on Mars.
00:56:37Isn't that kind of crazy?
00:56:40I mean, it is to me a little bit.
00:56:43I mean, that's a big deal.
00:56:46Oh, Todd, be careful.
00:56:48Oh, is that the hose we need?
00:56:50Oh, good.
00:56:54Hey, how do you know how to do all this stuff?
00:56:56You seem really confident.
00:56:58I don't know anything mechanical.
00:57:00I was an indoor kid.
00:57:02I can't even change a flat.
00:57:07Did that fix it?
00:57:08Is it fixed?
00:57:10If you want to talk to me,
00:57:12you have to press this button.
00:57:16Yeah, I wasn't talking.
00:57:23I can't.
00:57:24It won't go in.
00:57:25It keeps bending.
00:57:27Maybe your butthole's broken.
00:57:29My butthole's not broken, Wimmy.
00:57:30You have to be hard.
00:57:32I'm pretty hard.
00:57:33It just keeps bending, though.
00:57:37Candace, you need to relax more
00:57:38so I can stuff it in.
00:57:40There!
00:57:40I just got it in.
00:57:41I'm in.
00:57:43We are having sodomy.
00:57:45Wow.
00:57:46You're not in.
00:57:48No, you're right.
00:57:49It's out again.
00:57:50Damn.
00:57:51I gotta say, Todd,
00:57:53I am pretty impressed.
00:57:55Oh, great.
00:57:55I impressed Kyle.
00:57:56That means a lot.
00:57:57When I get home,
00:57:58everyone will be like,
00:57:58hey, Todd, how was Mars?
00:57:59I'll be like, it was okay.
00:58:00But the real cool thing
00:58:01is while I was up there,
00:58:02I impressed some idiot.
00:58:04Dude, what is the deal?
00:58:06What?
00:58:07What is with the negativity, man?
00:58:09What is your issue with me?
00:58:10Seriously?
00:58:11Seriously?
00:58:12Yeah.
00:58:13I don't like the way you treat women.
00:58:15I'm sorry.
00:58:16Excuse me?
00:58:17The way I treat women.
00:58:18Did I bash her face in with a lamp?
00:58:21Did I throw a monitor at her head?
00:58:23It just didn't really sit well with me
00:58:24the way you were throwing around
00:58:25the B word back there.
00:58:26What?
00:58:26She is so mean to me.
00:58:30She's been treating me like this
00:58:31for two years,
00:58:31and she's wrecked the spaceship now,
00:58:33and she's ruined my life.
00:58:35She ruined your life.
00:58:36She came all the way up to Mars for you.
00:58:37She is crazy.
00:58:38Yeah, because you've made her crazy.
00:58:40Look, you're obviously not really committed
00:58:42to your relationship,
00:58:43and you've just been stringing her along
00:58:44instead of manning up
00:58:45and doing the right thing.
00:58:47What?
00:58:47Marry her?
00:58:48No.
00:58:49Break up with her.
00:58:50Let her go find someone
00:58:52who will actually give a shit about her.
00:58:54Now, if you'll excuse me,
00:58:56I'm going to go fix the ship.
00:59:03Wimmy Tilliams is my name,
00:59:04and sinning is my new game.
00:59:06Committing adultery felt that good.
00:59:08I can't imagine how good it must feel
00:59:10to sin even harder.
00:59:21Hey there, handsome devil.
00:59:29When the going gets tough
00:59:31and the road is dark
00:59:33and the trouble never ends
00:59:36There's always one thing
00:59:38that you can count on
00:59:39I'm talking about friends
00:59:43You can always count on friends
00:59:45to lift you up when you are down
00:59:49Friends are always there for you
00:59:52When no one else is around
00:59:56Friends!
00:59:57That's what I'm talking about
00:59:59Friends!
01:00:01You'd be a mess without
01:00:02Friends
01:00:14They're the gang that you want to be with
01:00:18Whenever you are able
01:00:22Friends!
01:00:23You'd be a mess without
01:00:25Friends!
01:00:26Buy it on Amazon
01:00:28Friends
01:00:33Do you remember the slew of A-list
01:00:37Celebs that were constantly
01:00:38Dropping by?
01:00:40Like Tom Sedley, Giovanni, Rubisi
01:00:43Paul Rudd, and George Clooney
01:00:46And last but not least
01:00:48We had
01:00:50Brad Pitt
01:00:52Harder than anyone
01:00:53Brad Pitt
01:00:55King of Celebrities
01:00:57Yeah!
01:01:02From Cool World to Fight Club
01:01:05He's never let us down
01:01:09Last night I dreamt that they renamed
01:01:11Hollywood Brad Pitt Town
01:01:15Oh shit, I'm singing with my eyes closed again
01:01:18Fuck
01:01:19I just don't understand what you want from me
01:01:22Stop trying to make me the bad guy here
01:01:24Stop acting like one
01:01:26Okay, so sorry about that
01:01:28You missed a couple things
01:01:30Basically what happened was
01:01:32While Todd finished fixing the ship
01:01:34Kyle tried to explain to Candace
01:01:35All that stuff that Todd was telling him
01:01:37About how he wasn't being fair to her
01:01:39But he still didn't really have the balls
01:01:41To tell her how he honestly felt
01:01:43So she's still confused and unhappy
01:01:46So she got all pissed
01:01:47And then he got all defensive
01:01:50And it was a pretty good scene
01:01:51Anyway, sorry, sorry again
01:01:52Watch for ends!
01:01:54I'm tired of all these mind games, Kyle
01:01:57Either love me
01:01:58Or let me go
01:02:01Look
01:02:01I
01:02:02I really do
01:02:04Care about you
01:02:05But I
01:02:06Well, by my calculations
01:02:07We got ten minutes of air left
01:02:09So let's do this thing
01:02:12Had to do some jerry-rigging
01:02:14On the ignition system
01:02:15But this cord should pull enough juice
01:02:16From the main comm board
01:02:17For us to blast off
01:02:18Holy shit, dude
01:02:20I am so glad you're smart
01:02:21All right
01:02:22That's it
01:02:23Mars sucks
01:02:24Fuck it
01:02:25Let's go home
01:02:26And if the fat, nerdy Bible guy
01:02:29Wants to come with us
01:02:30He better hurry his ass up
01:02:32Wherever he is
01:02:35What the fuck?
01:02:39Wimmy, what the fuck?
01:02:40That was a big sin
01:02:42And Wimmy likey
01:02:44Wimmy likey a lot
01:02:46Oh my God
01:02:47There is no God up here, Kyle
01:02:49I have abandoned the way of the lamb
01:02:51I now worship
01:02:53The goat
01:02:55The dark one demands more sacrifices
01:02:58More blood for Satan
01:02:59Guys, get in the ship
01:03:00Satan
01:03:01What?
01:03:01God, let's go
01:03:02Satan
01:03:03Evil
01:03:04Becky
01:03:04Candace
01:03:05Get in the ship
01:03:06We gotta get out of here
01:03:07Metal
01:03:07Music
01:03:08Nudity
01:03:09Democrats
01:03:09Look, look, Wimmy
01:03:11A cross
01:03:12Jesus
01:03:12Remember how much you like your buddy Jesus
01:03:17Help
01:03:24We're in
01:03:24We made it
01:03:25We're all here
01:03:26Well, Todd's dead
01:03:27Right, yeah
01:03:28That's, uh, right
01:03:29Yeah
01:03:29That's, that's too bad
01:03:31And Elrond died
01:03:32Shit, right
01:03:33Yeah, he also died
01:03:35And I'm assuming Wimmy won't survive when we leave
01:03:38Well, that's
01:03:39I mean, fuck him, right?
01:03:40Come on
01:03:41Let's just get out of here
01:03:43Suck my dick, Mars
01:03:44Ignition in 10, 9, 8
01:03:49Oh, good
01:03:49Wimmy's better
01:03:50What?
01:03:515, 4, 3
01:03:55What's happening?
01:03:57Where are we going?
01:03:58Where's two?
01:03:58Where's one?
01:04:00Face me!
01:04:01Face your peers!
01:04:03Ugh, this fucking guy is ridiculous
01:04:06Fuck
01:04:07What?
01:04:08Goodbye, Candace
01:04:09No, you are not doing this again
01:04:11Candace, I am not running away from you
01:04:13I, I just
01:04:15I don't love you
01:04:18And maybe I just realized that myself
01:04:20But I also know that you
01:04:22You deserve someone that does
01:04:32Ooh, a challenger
01:04:33Wimmy, get away from the court
01:04:35In this corner, fighting for the side of Satan
01:04:40Wimmy, tell ya
01:04:41Jesus Christ
01:04:43And fighting for the side of his precious Jesus Christ
01:04:47Kyle
01:04:48Wimmy, I'm just gonna step over there
01:04:51And I'm gonna pick up the court
01:04:52Mortal Kombat
01:04:54Da da da
01:04:55Sub-Zero
01:04:56Da da da
01:04:57Sub-Zero
01:04:57Da da da
01:04:59Sub-Zero
01:05:00Da da da da da da da da da
01:05:04Fitting, isn't it
01:05:06That it would end up the two of us
01:05:08Locked in battle
01:05:09Ew
01:05:11Ew
01:05:11Ow
01:05:12Again
01:05:13Punch, both Senhor
01:05:15Where are you?
01:05:19Kyle
01:05:19You fucking bit me
01:05:24Je m'en suis désolée.
01:05:26Qu'est-ce que c'est ?
01:06:04Hello, hello. Hey, Kyle, what's up? What's up? What's going on, man? What's up?
01:06:07Cooter, where the hell have you been for the last two weeks?
01:06:10Oh, just been really busy doing work. Lots of work stuff. Just working on a lot of work.
01:06:13Well, I got a huge problem, man. The wedding is today.
01:06:16I know that. I know that, man. I'm on my way there right now.
01:06:19Twinks to the car!
01:06:22Okay, Twinks, listen the fuck up. Kyle needs us. We're gonna do this the right way.
01:06:27When we hit the church, I want two Twinks stationed at the rear.
01:06:30I want two Twinks stationed on the roof, and I want three Twinks on me at all times.
01:06:35If this thing goes how I think it's gonna go, we're gonna need to dig a hole.
01:06:39Twinks, dig a hole!
01:06:41This is bad, guys. This is really, really bad.
01:06:49We need to lay low until first light, then torch the car.
01:06:52We'll boost a new one and see if we can get to the state line before the dogs find that
01:06:55body.
01:06:57I feel good, Twinks. I feel really, really good. The world is ours.
01:07:01One more, in fact. Turn that up!
01:07:04We couldn't believe it ourselves. Just this afternoon, a young Candace Simpson has left our planet to join her fiancé
01:07:10Kyle Capshaw on Mars.
01:07:12L. Ron Branson approved the use of the last remaining supply pod, releasing a statement saying nothing is more important
01:07:18than true love.
01:07:19What in the fuck?
01:07:23Why do they send Candace up? What's their angle? I'm not buying this true love horseshit for one second, but
01:07:27who benefits?
01:07:29Sending a young lady 35 million miles to visit her boyfriend doesn't float. We need to follow the money.
01:07:48It's just a bunch of contracts for product placement and deposits from investors. That doesn't explain why they'd send Candace
01:07:54up.
01:07:54Hittin' a brick wall here. Think, Cooter. Think! I need more meth.
01:08:02Of course! L. Ron Branson took 12 billion dollars from different investors to showcase their products on his space station.
01:08:09That's a lot of fucking money for a passing mention on the news.
01:08:13My mind is a fucking razor plate. I can see in between time.
01:08:17Only half of the sponsors are paying for the product placement. The others get a free ride because they're shell
01:08:22companies for whoever's really in charge.
01:08:24But who? What do these products have in common? They range from everything between home appliances and pizza delivery services.
01:08:33I got three large thick crust pepperoni and sausages for a dopey twink.
01:08:41Who do you work for?
01:08:44I told you! Papa Nero's Pizza!
01:08:47Wrong answer!
01:08:51Please stop! Please stop! Please! I'm just trying to pay off my student loans, man!
01:08:56If you ever want to see the light of day again, you better start talking. Take us up the chain!
01:09:02You're gonna have to speak to my manager!
01:09:07Lucy! I'm home!
01:09:09What the hell is going on?
01:09:12Daddy! Help us!
01:09:13No!
01:09:15Don't worry, Kyle! I'll kill as many people as I have to to get you back on Earth!
01:09:21You recognize this piece of shit?
01:09:23I'm sorry, Mr. Kepler! They cut my fucking toe off!
01:09:27Oh, that's right! You fucked with the wrong people this time!
01:09:32I don't know what's going on! Please!
01:09:35The ants are gonna come in the morning, bitch!
01:09:37Chomp chomp! Chomp chomp!
01:09:40Chomp chomp!
01:09:40I told you all I know! Our parent company is technological, human, electronic, household, optimal, luxury, organic, cyber, anthropomorphic, utility
01:09:48systems, treatment, worldwide, analytics, software...
01:09:50The Holocaust was greatly exaggerated! They bankrolled the whole fucking thing!
01:09:55Branson didn't have the scratch to pay for the mission himself, so he links up with this company and promises
01:09:59them the best advertising opportunity money can buy!
01:10:01Now he just needs people to tune in! Candace shows up at the launch pad and they're like, shit, this
01:10:05will be some drama! Let's send her up so people can watch the fireworks!
01:10:09But now you're telling me that there's no way the design of that ship would be able to withstand the
01:10:13radiation from the Van Allen belt?!
01:10:15Yes! I've worked in aerospace engineering for 35 years! Please don't kill me! Oh god, don't kill me!
01:10:21Listen to this!
01:10:24Millionaire philanthropist L. Ron Branson was killed today in a tragic accident aboard the Mars Enterprise Space Station.
01:10:30Bull fucking shit he was! There's your 24-7 fucking permanent paid fucking commercial, you sick fucks!
01:10:36Ugh! My skin is on fucking fire right now!
01:10:42There's their headquarters. And I'll bet you all the meth in the world that they're doing more than making home
01:10:47appliances in there.
01:10:50Aha! Skinheads! I knew it! All this time I thought the Holocaust was greatly exaggerated was just a hilarious name.
01:10:57Now I see it's something darker. It's a fucking front for a white power group, of course!
01:11:05My mind is moving in hyperspace, man! They fucking pay Branson to advertise their products and set up an all
01:11:10-white colony on a new planet.
01:11:12They think it'll show people how a one-race world would be a utopia. Then with all the profits from
01:11:16their product placements, they'll send up more and more people!
01:11:19I so horny.
01:11:21Me too, Sleepy. Me too. But we have some Nazis to kill.
01:11:31Here we go, Twigs! The entire energy of the universe is within us!
01:11:40What in the fuck?
01:11:49Twigs! That's the fucking spaceship! They never went to fucking Mars!
01:11:53Branson and the fucking Nazis knew they couldn't get a hotel up there!
01:11:57The whole thing was a giant scam! Branson steals billions from investors, then that phony fucker fakes his own death
01:12:03and makes off with the cash!
01:12:04Then these skinhead pieces of shit use the accidents to get the whole world watching their bullshit racist white utopia
01:12:10propaganda, while getting rich selling their fucking vacuum cleaners and blenders!
01:12:14It's almost too simple.
01:12:18Huh?
01:12:23The station is wrecked. How am I breathing?
01:12:30God?
01:12:31Oh, no. What have I done?
01:12:34Forgive me, Lord!
01:12:41Oh, Jesus!
01:12:44Cooter!
01:12:45Kyle!
01:12:46What's up, man?
01:12:47What the fuck? What is happening? How are you on Mars?
01:12:50You never went to Mars. You're in a warehouse 30 miles south of Carla, Nevada. The fucking Nazis used you
01:12:56for their sick white supremacy utopia commercial.
01:12:59What are you talking about?
01:13:00I had to beat the living shit out of a pizza boy to figure it out, but it's all right
01:13:04now.
01:13:04Mr. Connor, skinhead!
01:13:12Someone tell me what is happening. Shit's starting to get fun.
01:13:15Twinks!
01:13:17Light them up.
01:13:20That's true.
01:13:35Bash ball!
01:13:36I'm out of ammo!
01:13:37Throw me another clip!
01:13:39Ok, Mr. brother!
01:13:43BashBaaًlend!
01:14:14A horrific scene that led authorities to discover Sir L. Ron Branson's entire Mars Voyager mission was a hoax.
01:14:23Details are still unfolding, but from what we can tell, the now disgraced billionaire had elaborately faked his own death
01:14:29with the help of a white supremacist home appliance company in a scheme to bilk investors out of their money
01:14:36and sell products with incredibly offensive names.
01:14:39Here we see the footage of Sir L. Ron Branson being taken into custody earlier this evening.
01:14:44The four surviving astronauts are finally being reconnected with their loved ones here on Earth.
01:14:51Uh, hey guys. Had sort of a, uh, crazy trip.
01:14:55And I have to go to jail now.
01:14:59That's all the time we have tonight. Stay tuned for Jimmy Fallon, who's going to be playing Guess Who with
01:15:04that squirrel from the Oreos commercials.
01:15:14Hey. How'd it go? Um, what kind of stuff are they asking?
01:15:18Just like what happened when women went crazy and stuff like that.
01:15:23Oh, okay. Um, are you doing alright?
01:15:27Yeah. I'm still shaking up a bit, but, yeah.
01:15:31So, I guess this is it.
01:15:36Yeah, I guess so.
01:15:40So, what are you going to do now?
01:15:41Just hang around at the bar with Cooter?
01:15:44Oh, no. No.
01:15:46Cooter's in a lot of trouble. He killed, like, hundreds of people.
01:15:49Yeah, but it was kind of in self-defense.
01:15:51No, no, no, no. Before that, he killed, like, nine people or something in the weeks leading up to that
01:15:56gunfight.
01:15:57I think, like, two of them were children.
01:15:59Oh, my God.
01:16:00Yeah.
01:16:01Yeah.
01:16:02Are you going to visit him in prison?
01:16:05Um, I don't think so.
01:16:09Well, see you around.
01:16:13Hey, Candace. Um, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I really am.
01:16:19I know. And someday, I'll be okay with it.
01:16:29Hey! Elrond!
01:16:31Oh, hey, Kyle.
01:16:34Uh, how's it going?
01:16:36So, is it true? It was all a hoax from the beginning?
01:16:39Yep. Pretty much.
01:16:41I thought if I made a deal with those white nationalists, I could finally fake my death and disappear with
01:16:45a ton of money.
01:16:46Dude, I just don't get it. You were already rich. I mean, you had everything.
01:16:50Why would you want to fake your own death?
01:16:52Well, I have this fiancé who just absolutely smothers me.
01:16:59Kyle Capshaw?
01:17:01And then Cooter just kept laughing and shooting the corpses until they just sort of, like, jellified.
01:17:08Thank you, Mr. Capshaw.
01:17:11I gotta say, this is kind of a godsend for us here at NASA.
01:17:14What do you mean? How so?
01:17:15Well, this is exactly the kind of story we need to get the federal government to give us our funding
01:17:18back.
01:17:19What happened to you is a perfect example of corporatism in the sciences run amok.
01:17:23We're gonna put that Peggy Bork lady on every talk show in the country telling this story.
01:17:27Peggy?
01:17:28Yeah. She's gonna be a national hero. We're gonna make her the new face of NASA.
01:17:33Neil Armstrong can suck my fucking nuts. We're in the Peggy Bork business now.
01:17:37Uh, that's cool, but what about me? I mean, I actually did way more stuff than Peggy.
01:17:45Yeah. The thing is, uh, Peggy Moore represents the image we want out there for NASA.
01:17:53Are you fucking kidding me? Cause she's, I mean, she's like, I think that she's mentally handicapped.
01:18:01Oh, come on, Kyle.
01:18:03The thing is, Kyle, a cultural icon needs to project a certain essence of American values and wholesomeness.
01:18:11What are you trying to say?
01:18:13Everybody's seen the doll video.
01:18:15What doll video? Sandy.
01:18:20What do you mean, everybody's seen the video?
01:18:25They played it on the news pretty often while you guys were trapped up there.
01:18:28Or, uh, down here. Trapped down here.
01:18:32We just can't have a doll licker be the face of the National Space Agency.
01:18:37You understand.
01:18:41Well, the Stranded Martian passengers are stranded no more.
01:18:45And we know of one little porcelain doll who's probably very happy that they're safe and sound.
01:19:00Oh, great.
01:19:05I think that's the guy from the news that licks dolls.
01:19:08And the Peggy Bork National Press Tour continues.
01:19:12This morning she was seen playing the xylophone with Michael Strahan on the Today Show.
01:19:16And rumors are swirling that Ryan Gosling has been making romantic advances.
01:19:21Is it too early to start talking about a new Hollywood power couple?
01:19:24Those two are hot.
01:19:26I am strongly attracted to Peggy Bork.
01:19:32Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Sandy.
01:19:35From here on out, I have no idea what's gonna happen.
01:19:46Oh.
01:19:47Come here, you.
01:20:24They were the stars of night.
01:20:29Right around, the stars of night.
01:20:36In their cars, they were around all night.
01:20:42They were friends of me.
01:20:47Acting crazy and I don't know why.
01:20:52The whitest kids of all time, the whitest kids of all time, the whitest kids of all time.
01:21:09Twice as strong as the river, electricity.
01:21:20Twice as wide and twice as high as the sky and the sea, yeah.
01:21:31Oh, they came on the deep stream, the whitest kids you've ever seen.
01:21:41The whitest kids of all time, the whitest kids of all time.
01:21:59I am the Hiccup Jumbo.
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