00:00Pagpapatuloy ng ating usapin patungkol sa pag-cope at pag-heal matapos ang abusive relationship,
00:05makakapanayin po natin muli si trauma coach na si Quetzal Charrier.
00:10Magandang umaga po, naririnig po kami ma'am.
00:13Yes po, magandang umaga po, pasensya po, a while ago.
00:17Alright, ito po ah.
00:18Muli, maaari nyo po bang ishare sa amin kung ano yung pinakaunang hakbang
00:23ng isang babae sa pag-cope o pag-healong ng kanyang nararamdaman na sakit
00:29at matapos po yung abusive relationship.
00:33So, after leaving a traumatic and abusive relationship po,
00:38the emotional challenges are very common po.
00:41But remember, everyone's nervous system is different.
00:46So, iba-iba yung atake na or effect sa each person experience
00:51will also differ everything sa healing.
00:54So, you may notice po yung feelings like fear, guilt, irritation, anger,
01:01or being easily triggered.
01:03Natitrigger normally yung mga babae.
01:06Sometimes, emotion feel overwhelming.
01:09So, hard to control.
01:10This is not a failure.
01:12It is our body trying to protect us
01:16from after experiencing a very dangerous or traumatic event.
01:22So, what I can suggest for everything to coping all of those stuff
01:32kasi you can experience dark thoughts po eh
01:35after this very traumatic event.
01:38You can also feel hopelessness.
01:40So, the coping mechanism of all of this
01:44in human brain might go like
01:48they wanted to go out, hang out, drink, or something.
01:52Well, that's completely fine.
01:54But it will affect in future.
02:00It will be in danger.
02:01So, you need to begin with safety first.
02:05Support learning and healthier ways
02:07to care for your nervous system.
02:09So, we have the breathing exercise.
02:14The, when I say breathing exercise,
02:17it's where,
02:18kasi all of the people knows about the breathing exercise,
02:22but they didn't know how to use it well, no?
02:24So, when you breathe, you inhale, exhale,
02:26just make sure that you are focused.
02:29And, kasi pag, pag inhale, exhale mo,
02:33and may parang shallow yung pag inhale, exhale mo,
02:35it means that you are undergoing stress.
02:37So, yung goal mo dito is focus yung mind and body mo.
02:44For you to be able to go beyond deeper in your subconscious mind.
02:50Because in human creature, in human brain,
02:53we have two types of brain,
02:55the conscious and unconscious mind.
02:57And, 10% of human brain are the conscious mind,
03:02and 90% of it is the subconscious mind.
03:06So, diyan, yung dalawa na yun,
03:08yung aatakihin natin for the healing.
03:11So, when you inhale, exhale,
03:12until naman normalize mo na safe,
03:15you're feeling safe na,
03:17then, you start asking yourself,
03:20how am I feeling right now?
03:23Since when did I start feeling this kind of pain?
03:28How long?
03:29How heavy is this baggage that I am carrying right now?
03:36So, para siyang meditation,
03:38and you can start walking in the nature and all.
03:41And the most important thing po,
03:43is ask for help.
03:45Professional help po po ha.
03:49And if they cannot afford professional help,
03:51we always have a government hotline po
03:54that they can always call 24-7.
03:58Well, Coach, paano naman nakakatulong yung self-care
04:01at saka yung boundary setting sa proseso ng healing?
04:08Well, self-care and healthy boundaries
04:12play a powerful role in healing po.
04:15They help your nervous system feel safer,
04:19more stable, and less overwhelmed.
04:22Setting boundaries po teaches your body
04:25that you are no longer in danger.
04:28You are no longer living in a survival mood.
04:31Kasi when you are undergoing a traumatic and abusive life,
04:37relationship,
04:38situational relationship,
04:40automatic nag-autopilot yung subconscious mind natin
04:45or body natin, nervous system,
04:47to protect ourself because we are in danger.
04:50So, we don't like that.
04:52So, over time,
04:54these practices help release the emotion weight
04:57of past trauma
04:59and you may begin to feel lighter,
05:01calmer,
05:02and more in control of your emotion.
05:05As your nervous system settles,
05:08your thinking become more clear
05:10and more open.
05:12You start to see your worth as a person.
05:16You start to understand things,
05:18how valuable you are,
05:19you truly are as a person.
05:22Healing is a process
05:24of choosing yourself
05:25again and again.
05:27Okay, Coach,
05:28maraming babae yung nakakaramdam ng guilt
05:31o self-blame
05:33matapos yung abusive relationship.
05:35Yung iba naman, ah,
05:36yung iba naman,
05:38na medyo ma-pride na babae,
05:40gusto maghigante.
05:41So, iba-iba yung mentality
05:45ng mga taong galing sa abusive relationship.
05:48Paano po natin sila matutulungan
05:50na ma-overcome ito?
05:54Um, that's a very nice question po, ah.
05:57Well, what are you saying
05:59that is very normal
06:00for those person
06:02who has been through
06:03a lot of traumatic imprints
06:05in their life.
06:06It's normal for some women
06:08or people to feel guilt
06:10and fear
06:11after leaving an abusive partner.
06:13These are not sign of weakness po.
06:16They are response
06:18from a nervous system
06:19that is still learning
06:21to feel safe again.
06:23What helps most
06:25is understanding
06:26and support.
06:27What you've been through
06:28was not easy.
06:29What they've been through
06:30was never easy.
06:33Leaving alone
06:34is already
06:35an act of courage.
06:37So, salute to all the women
06:39who managed to go out
06:41in that very traumatic
06:42and abusive relationship
06:44or situationship.
06:47Practice gentle grounding
06:49like brief work
06:50as what I mentioned
06:51a while ago.
06:52When you feel overwhelmed,
06:54remind yourself
06:55that I am here
06:57and I am safe now.
07:00Slowly begin
07:01to reconnect
07:02with yourself.
07:03What do I want now?
07:05What kind of future
07:07do I see myself?
07:09Give yourself
07:11some space.
07:12Go outside,
07:14take walks,
07:15and allow your body
07:17to experience
07:18a safer environment.
07:20But try not
07:21to isolate yourself
07:22because that's
07:23very dangerous.
07:25In healing,
07:26also,
07:26we need connection.
07:28Take time
07:29to rediscover
07:30who you are.
07:31That's very,
07:32very important po.
07:33And it's common
07:34to feel like
07:35you lost your identity
07:36during those
07:37traumatic events po.
07:39But,
07:40in the relationship,
07:42but it's completely okay
07:44because
07:44you are finding
07:47your way back.
07:49And by finding
07:50your way back,
07:52healing takes time again,
07:54but you are already
07:56in the right path po.
07:58Well,
07:59para po sa ating
07:59mga nanonood
08:00na kasalukuyang pong
08:02nasa isang
08:02abusive relationship,
08:04ano po ang inyong
08:05karagdagang payo
08:06na maibibigay po ninyo
08:07sa kanila,
08:08Coach?
08:11Well,
08:12the thing that I could
08:14advise sa mga taong
08:15kasalukuyang
08:16in an abusive
08:17relationship,
08:18if you feel like
08:20you cannot leave
08:20right now,
08:22please hear this
08:23with care.
08:25Pose gently,
08:27ask yourself,
08:28is this the life
08:29I truly want?
08:31Am I safe?
08:32Am I at peace?
08:34If the answer
08:36is no,
08:37then
08:38that feelings
08:39matter.
08:41Wanting something
08:42better for yourself
08:43is not weakness,
08:44it is a strength.
08:47Living is not easy,
08:48I know that po,
08:50everybody knows that po,
08:51and we completely
08:52understand you po,
08:54especially when there is
08:55deep attachment
08:56involved.
08:57Sometimes,
08:59what feels like love
09:00can actually be a trauma
09:02band.
09:04And attachment
09:05that keeps you
09:06connected,
09:07even when your
09:08body is already
09:10signaling pain,
09:13danger,
09:14your body often
09:15knows that truth.
09:16Kaya nga,
09:17sometimes,
09:17I always suggest
09:18to my client
09:19na always listen
09:20what your body says.
09:22If you feel
09:23constant fear,
09:24confusion,
09:25or hurt,
09:26listen to those
09:27signals because
09:28that is thread flat.
09:29Choosing to leave
09:30is not giving up,
09:32it is an act
09:33of bravery
09:33and self-respect.
09:35And if you are
09:36not ready yet,
09:37that's completely
09:38okay and fine.
09:40Awareness,
09:40it is the first step.
09:42You deserve
09:43safety,
09:44respect,
09:45real love,
09:46not pain,
09:47and that
09:48feels like
09:49attachment.
09:50Ayan,
09:51maraming salamat po,
09:52Coach Quetzal Charier,
09:54sa pagbabahagi
09:55ng inyong kalaman
09:55at gabay
09:56para sa ating mga
09:57ka-RSP.
09:57Thank you, Coach.
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