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The Chief S02E03 (2026) [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
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00:04So, Officer Numbers, how's recruitment?
00:07A recruitment drive focusing on a more diverse workforce hasn't quite had the returns we hoped for.
00:13Really? Despite our excellent poster campaign?
00:18If that doesn't say diversity, I don't know what does.
00:23Perhaps it doesn't quite reflect that diversity is more than just race and gender.
00:29Okay, well maybe for all future diversity drives we should make our definition of diversity more diverse.
00:36Personally, I don't care where they come from.
00:38As long as they can bench press 220 and chase after the wee bam that dipped your purse.
00:43It's all about budget. We can't go to the moon on a two-bar rocket.
00:46Don't worry. Justice will understand.
00:50Targets, they're an ideal objective.
00:52If there's one thing the Scottish Government knows about, it's missing targets.
00:59There's been a cabinet reshuffle. Nadim's out.
01:10Oh, morning Chief.
01:13Hello, Helen. Nice to meet you.
01:15Actually, we've met before.
01:17Oh, have we?
01:18Yes, at the Visibility for Women conference.
01:21Oh, yes. So we have. I remember now.
01:26Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there.
01:29Just in here.
01:30Thank you so much. Um...
01:32Helen.
01:32Helen, thank you.
01:35Hail to the big fish.
01:40I know they just got used to you in justice and now here you are in your watery grave.
01:46That is your largemouth bass, Chief. Freshwater, Ray Fend, part of the Sunfish family.
01:52Well, I am impressed.
01:54I'm a quick study, Chief. Or take us so on, Halwa.
01:58We're not celebrating this, are we?
02:00Why not? Look on the bright side.
02:02I mean, Fisheries is the only department I haven't run yet.
02:05Well, I mean, I had it as part of farming and ferries, but never solo.
02:09Anyway, enough about fish.
02:10Unless you want to pop down to the Balmoral and roll down a few old up-low smokies.
02:14Oh, I would love to.
02:16But I've got to go and meet your replacement. What's he like?
02:19McGuck. Young. Ambitious. Ruthless.
02:24Any tips?
02:26Aye. Be straight, white, privileged and powerful.
02:29I'll do my best.
02:34That's your 11 o'clock call.
02:37Gudmundur, Gudmundsdottir, my Icelandic counterpart.
02:40Pickled herring, import quarters, that's my life now.
02:43Let's try and enjoy it. Enjoy yours.
02:44Aye, shall.
02:51Gudmund, Gudmunddagen, Gudmundur.
02:53Christ's sake.
03:01Oh, Chief. Come in. I'm just finishing a tanky power walk.
03:06Well, delighted to meet you, Xander.
03:09Minister. I prefer stand-up meetings.
03:11Oh, well, as do I, Minister.
03:15Big fitness man myself, particularly off the national game, the golf.
03:20Maybe we could hit the links sometime.
03:21Don't golf. I'm a squash guy.
03:23Ah, love squash. I'll book us a pitch. Room. Square. Court.
03:27Chief. Let's park the BS, yeah?
03:31Ah, Chief.
03:33Does your police force want a bigger budget?
03:36Bigger?
03:38What, bigger as in...
03:40More.
03:44What? More than before?
03:47Well, obviously we would very much welcome...
03:50Sorry, just to clarify.
03:52Buy more.
03:54Do you mean more?
03:56More money?
03:57More funds.
03:58Look, we...
03:59We want to back the bobbies and the people.
04:02OK? To protect the Scottish people.
04:03But we've got to work to a zero-sum budget.
04:07Well, yes, of course. That goes without saying.
04:10Remind me, a zero-sum budget is...
04:13Well, we strip out the fat, build up the muscle, get lean,
04:17justify every penny of spend.
04:20Just a word of warning as regards the budget.
04:23There are a lot of code words in there, you know,
04:26for security reasons.
04:28I mean, pastries, for example.
04:30Pastries doesn't actually refer to pastries.
04:32Together, we'll ditch anything unnecessary.
04:35I mean, why hug a hoodie when that hoodie should be huggled?
04:38Yes.
04:38Yeah?
04:39This...
04:41This is Project Proper Policing.
04:45Yeah.
04:46And this project gets a proper police endorsement.
04:50Right.
04:53Well, yes, I will book the squash table.
04:56Pitch.
04:57Room.
04:57Square.
04:58Court.
05:02Let us start.
05:07You recently came top in a nationwide survey of public-funded bodies.
05:12Do you feel valued at work?
05:14Every penny I spend goes towards nabbing the wee FUD that pissed through your letterbox and set fire to your
05:19bins.
05:19I do greatly value your work.
05:22Both of you.
05:23But we...
05:24We have to find trims somewhere.
05:27If we're going to justify our bigger budget,
05:30we need to pinpoint where we might find unjustified spend.
05:34Your lunch from the seafood shed.
05:36Ah!
05:37Sorry, it's late.
05:38And they apologise, but the hand-dived scallops are fine.
05:41Ah!
05:42I'll slum it.
05:48Well, team, carry on.
05:50Cuts.
05:51Cuts, cuts.
05:52Justify.
05:53Justify.
05:53Justify.
05:57So, with a new broom in the Cabinet, is it time then to tackle the unnecessary use of police funds?
06:03Unnecessary is a pretty strong word, Connie.
06:06We channel every public penny towards vital police initiatives.
06:11Really?
06:12Okay.
06:12I've got a direct quote here from your new Justice Minister who says,
06:16Chief Commissioner Mickelson agrees with me that there is a lot of waste in the police budget
06:20and shares my desire to slash unnecessary spending.
06:24Did...
06:25Did he say that?
06:26Did...
06:26Did he say that I said that?
06:28Did you say that he said that I said that?
06:30He said it 20 minutes ago in a TV interview.
06:33Well, I welcome your question about what I said, Connie.
06:38And when it comes to what I said, I would never actually say that I never actually said that.
06:46Saying that sort of thing is exactly the sort of thing I would say if I were saying something like
06:55that.
06:55So, you did say what he said you said.
06:58What I will say is this.
07:00The Justice Minister and I are committed to saying a whole raft of things in the future.
07:07Prioritising keeping all spending non-profligated.
07:16Come on, Chief.
07:18I thought you were a squash guy.
07:21Jeez.
07:27Good shot.
07:29Minister, you're set.
07:31Yeah.
07:31That was some proper squashing.
07:33Ergy and Connie, sure.
07:35You were getting your arse handed to you there as well.
07:37She did serve me a pretty curvy curveball, you know.
07:40I didn't actually say what you said I said.
07:44What does it matter?
07:45If I say you said it, then you said it.
07:49I didn't actually say it, you know.
07:51There are such things as fact.
07:53There's no such things as fact, right?
07:55The truth is fluid.
07:57Just get our message out there.
07:58Yeah.
07:59Well, next time just warn me what messaging you want out where and when.
08:04Yeah.
08:04Project proper policing.
08:06Backed by project proper budget.
08:10Yeah.
08:11F.
08:12F.
08:14You step up and trim the fat.
08:17Where you at with that?
08:21I am the Ozempic of budgetary planning, transforming us into a lean, mean crime-fighting machine.
08:28Oh yeah?
08:29Tell me deets.
08:30Deets.
08:31Oh, details.
08:32Well, the police shinty team won't be getting that new minibus.
08:37Pennies.
08:38Peanuts.
08:39Come on.
08:40Where are the big fat wads?
08:43Ditch whole departments.
08:45Whole departments?
08:46Well, Iā¦
08:47No, we're a tightly integrated unit.
08:49We're a family.
08:50A family?
08:51Yeah.
08:52You're the police force.
08:54We agreed.
08:55Blood and thunder.
08:56Boots on the ground.
08:58None of this wishy-washy, touchy-feely, hand-holding pish.
09:03I've never seen diversity, equity or inclusion arrest anyone.
09:07Hmm?
09:09Okay.
09:10Well, we'llā¦
09:10We'll look for trims in all departments.
09:13Yeah.
09:14Get on it.
09:15We need this done by the next finance round.
09:17Right?
09:17I'm a big fan of Momentum, Chief.
09:20Now, serve.
09:21I'm a big fan of Momentum too, Minister!
09:23Oh!
09:25Sorry.
09:30Okay.
09:32Nineteen.
09:32Yes, sir.
09:35Ladies.
09:37Shift up.
09:38You okay, Dad?
09:40Yep.
09:40I justā¦
09:43Heard you on the radio.
09:44When are you going to find these cuts?
09:46Your salary?
09:48Well, you know, if it came to that, I'd certainly consider considering it.
09:52I know where you could save money by making cuts.
09:54Right.
09:55I'm open to suggestions.
09:57The police.
09:59Well, no bad ideas in a brainstorm, but we're thinking of first looking at the police choir.
10:04They'll come for DEI.
10:06They always do.
10:07Not on my watch.
10:08I am a fierce protector of progressive modernity.
10:12So, ladies, women, people, who's tonight's author?
10:17Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
10:20Ah, yes.
10:21Yes.
10:22Personal favourite of mine.
10:23Love her work.
10:24Proceed.
10:26Is Chimamanda writing from a historical Marxist feminist worldview?
10:32Or do we bracket her in a more modern intersectional eco-feminist?
10:40Dad?
10:44Bit of both?
10:48Look at that, Pop.
10:50That's how much it costs to neuter all the dogs in the police force.
10:54It's counterproductive.
10:55Just let them breed, we'll get free dogs.
10:59What's the matter, Pop?
11:00Justice Department have been in touch.
11:02List five ways to justify your job.
11:05Ah.
11:05Figureheads, law enforcer, justice dispenser, hero and icon.
11:10Not just you.
11:11It landed in everybody's inbox at 6am.
11:14Okay.
11:15Okay.
11:16We've all got the email.
11:17It's just five things per staff member.
11:20We can cover that off, can't we?
11:22Forcing people to justify their existence is just plain wrong.
11:25It should be voluntary.
11:27I've already done 50.
11:2850?
11:29When?
11:30Battered them out on the exercise bike.
11:32And I'm about to batter out 50 more.
11:34Well done, Muldoon.
11:37Sorry.
11:3850?
11:39Lindsay.
11:41You've got more than five too.
11:42Just list them.
11:45Play the game.
11:46No.
11:47I'm taking a principled stand.
11:49It might be to your benefit.
11:52And your departments.
11:54So they're coming for me.
11:56For us.
11:56No, no, no, no, no.
11:58No, no, I haven't heard that.
11:59No.
11:59No, there's been no indication of that whatsoever in any way at all.
12:03But if they did, you'd defend me.
12:06Lindsay.
12:06It's me.
12:08The people's chief.
12:10Your chief.
12:12Your department.
12:13It's vital.
12:14Life without you would be like a police car without its Nino.
12:17Five positive measures?
12:18What even is that?
12:19What even is this?
12:19What even am I?
12:20Why am I?
12:21Where is the what of the why?
12:21Paul, Paul, Paul.
12:23Listen.
12:24You do any number of positive things around here, okay?
12:27You answer the phone for the tea.
12:29Wait.
12:30I'll type that out before I forget.
12:32Okay.
12:32See what I've done.
12:34Look at him.
12:35Oh.
12:36Sorry, I forgot.
12:37That's why I came in.
12:38Nadim is on the line.
12:39Nadim?
12:41What does the Codfather want now?
12:45Fisheries Minister.
12:46He's coming now?
12:49I owe you some monkfish at the Balmoral for this.
12:52Everyone.
12:53Listen up.
12:54McGuck's on his way.
12:55All hands on deck.
13:07I don't want any excuses.
13:11It's not required.
13:12It's not justified.
13:14Oh, Minister, although I wasn't expecting you.
13:17Ah.
13:18Ah.
13:19Ah.
13:20Vocal arm, Chief.
13:24Some eejit put these posters up in your HQ.
13:27Muldoon, get those right in the bin.
13:31Now, since I'm here, any chance you could show me how you're spending Scotland's money?
13:36I'd be delighted.
13:39After the water cannon, we can look at the riot boys' kettling.
13:43They tend to practise on their lunch hour.
13:45Ah.
13:46Oh.
13:47Oh.
13:48I'm sorry.
13:48I'm not wearing my hat.
13:50I...
13:51Apologies.
13:52Back to my office, everyone.
13:53Do we need it, sir?
13:54Well, of course I need my hat.
13:56Muldoon.
13:56This is the justice minister, not the photocopier salesman.
13:59He deserves to be treated with respect and...
14:01It's fine, Chief.
14:02Let's kick on.
14:03Right.
14:03Are you sure about that?
14:04Because it is actually quicker, I think, Muldoon, isn't it?
14:06If we go back to...
14:08What's that?
14:09This is...
14:09Oh.
14:10This, I think, is an awards ceremony for bravery.
14:15One of our heroes recently punched a devil dog.
14:23Wow.
14:24Well done.
14:28So what's this, then?
14:30Oh, thank you for your interest.
14:31This is a team building workshop.
14:34Right.
14:35So you're in charge.
14:36Yes.
14:37Lindsay MacLeod, head of...
14:38Many things.
14:39Many, many things.
14:41Diversity, equity and inclusion.
14:44Including those three things.
14:46Although we do refer to it these days as the Department of Danger, Energy and Instinct,
14:50which more clearly represents the work of the Department.
14:53And these are serving police officers.
14:55Yes, they are.
14:56So while one partner is blindfolded, the other provides instructions.
15:01The challenge is to get through the obstacle course and then pick up all these wee ping pong balls and
15:05pop them in the buckets.
15:06Trust.
15:08Trust.
15:09Yes, the more that the police trust in each other, the more the public trusts the police.
15:14Yes.
15:14So, the water cannon.
15:16And what are these?
15:19Oh, no.
15:19These are for our empathy sessions.
15:22Our officers develop their emotional intelligence facts.
15:24How it spares money.
15:26Going on what?
15:27Messing about with ping pong balls and teddy bears.
15:31No, that's not correct.
15:33No?
15:33No.
15:34Some of them are bunnies.
15:37Chief.
15:38Chief.
15:39Look at me.
15:41I really want to support the police with a bigger budget.
15:44Mm-hmm.
15:45But for that to happen, heads must roll.
15:50I mean, heads are already rolling, Minister.
15:53We've already let Big Tam go.
15:55What in the canteen?
15:56He was so slow putting the tatties scones in the rolls.
15:59Get out of here.
16:00Chief.
16:02It is crystal clear what this organisation doesn't need.
16:06You are a police force.
16:08Not a therapy service.
16:12You know what you need to do, Chief.
16:22You said you would support me.
16:24And I did.
16:25Until, well, certain circumstances arose that somewhat forced my hand.
16:29Well, you're about to find out what life is like without your Nino.
16:35Look, you've done all that you can here.
16:37We're sorted now.
16:39Brand new.
16:40Look, it's temporary.
16:43Look, McGurk.
16:44Look, McGurk.
16:45McGurk won't be here forever.
16:47Remember when the Justice Minister was from the Green Party
16:51and we all had to cycle to work and only eat kale burgers?
16:54Hm?
16:54We're going to have a memorable farewell bash for you.
16:57One for the ages, eh?
17:01What can I do?
17:03It's McGurk.
17:04He's the boss.
17:05And he's gone tonto.
17:07Chief.
17:08If I could just correct you one last time.
17:11I don't think you can say that.
17:19Our priority is protecting the Scottish people.
17:23Our zero-sum budget, identified savings in DEI,
17:27and we are no alternative but to take action.
17:29So, Chief Commissioner, shuttering the police force departments
17:32of diversity, equity and inclusion,
17:34is that a necessary step to protect the Scottish people?
17:37Why did you say that?
17:39Because you did.
17:40No, I didn't.
17:41We've just played the clip.
17:43No, you haven't.
17:44But we did.
17:45Well, I didn't hear it.
17:46And I'm sure your listeners didn't either.
17:48This is typical legacy media manipulation.
17:52Take something that doesn't exist, play it,
17:55claim that it does exist,
17:56and then blame me when I point out that it doesn't.
17:58Well, I'm not playing along.
18:00Chief Commissioner,
18:01the Scottish people deserve not to be lied to.
18:03I'll tell you what the Scottish people deserve.
18:05They deserve safer, crime-free streets.
18:08And that is what I intend to deliver.
18:11Perhaps you should concentrate on that, Connie,
18:13rather than semantics.
18:17Pass me away, Ellen.
18:18I've put the oven timer on for your mini-Kievs.
18:21Kiev.
18:22Sorry, mini-Kiev.
18:23Where are you going?
18:24Oh, I'm just popping to Lindsay's leaving-do.
18:28You've sacked your head of diversity.
18:31Well, no, no.
18:32She's...
18:32She's diversified into...
18:35non-employment.
18:36Rickle hard enough,
18:37and you can justify anything.
18:40So, ladies.
18:41Women.
18:42People.
18:43Who's tonight's author?
18:45Is it another Chimamanda?
18:46The legend of Faust.
18:47A mortal man with noble intentions.
18:50Who sells his soul to Mephistopheles
18:52for earthly pleasures
18:54and selfish short-term gain.
18:57That finds only guilt, torment and misery.
19:01You should try a Ken Follett.
19:09Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
19:11Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
19:12So, fellow officers and support staff,
19:14we're here to, uh, say goodbye to, uh,
19:17say goodbye to, uh, Lindsay McLeod,
19:19a loyal and inde...
19:23Loyal servant of the Scottish police force.
19:25But, well, it's on to pastures new for Lindsay,
19:27and I just know that she will thrive wherever she goes.
19:31And now someone else will get the benefit of her awareness seminars for the Gaelic language.
19:38So I just wanted to say,
19:47But we're not just here to bid a fond farewell to Lindsay.
19:52No, we are here to celebrate her many achievements.
19:55Only last month, I know a lot of us benefited from her menopositive and perimenopositive workshops.
20:04I personally am now very perimenopositive.
20:06For a man, that is an inclusive and supportive thing to be.
20:11It's not your concern any longer, though.
20:13You don't have any skin in the game.
20:15Can I say that?
20:18It sounds a bit slave-y, doesn't it?
20:20It's not, I'm sure.
20:22I think it's probably from golf.
20:23Or is it, is it, oh, it's basketball, is it?
20:26But either way, it wouldn't do, would it?
20:27It wouldn't do to be a bit slave-y at the leaving do for the head of my diversity, equity
20:35and inclusion.
20:38You're not going to help me.
20:39And that's fine, Lindsay.
20:41That's fine.
20:42I respect that, you know?
20:45Sell me down the river.
20:46Oh, no, that one is a bit slave-y.
20:47So, yes, look, enough of me.
20:51Let's hear from the main man herself, the woman, person, Lindsay MacLeod, everyone.
20:58Lindsay MacLeod.
21:04Thank you to everyone who has supported me here and has been a friend to me.
21:10This song says everything I want to say.
21:18Of all the comrades at head I've had, they are sorry for my glory.
21:26She'll be fine.
21:28She'll thrive.
21:30More than thrive.
21:31And we've got our bigger budget.
21:34Sign-off is imminent.
21:35That's good for the police.
21:36We are pure muscle.
21:39No fat.
21:41You know when you see two dogs shagging down by the canal?
21:45And the back dog's legs are shaking.
21:48And he's straining.
21:50And his thighs are pure, smooth muscle.
21:53That's us.
21:56We won't change our logo to that quite yet, but...
22:13And this next song is for everybody else.
22:17This is Suck My Fury by Hate Pusher.
22:21Paul!
22:25Suck My Fury by Hate Pusher.
23:02You're on the right side of history, Chief.
23:05Who knows what we can achieve now we've got rid of those clowns.
23:08This is only the beginning.
23:11So, what's your next move, killer?
23:14No.
23:15My next move is for Lindsay.
23:18I'm bringing Lindsay back and her department.
23:25That was a good one, Chief.
23:28Lindsay.
23:29Wait.
23:31What?
23:32You're being serious?
23:33Yeah.
23:33DEI never arrested anybody.
23:36There's more to policing than arrest.
23:39Bullshit.
23:40The force is arrest.
23:42Who's in the name?
23:42The force.
23:43Yeah.
23:43The force is also about...
23:46People, community, support and respect.
23:50And what's so wrong with people, community, support and respect?
23:53Save it for your leaving speech.
23:54You know, I'll have your arse for this.
23:57I'll send you to Thurzo.
23:58Oh, Thurzo.
24:00That's very nice.
24:01I like Thurzo.
24:02Do you know what I like most about Thurzo?
24:03It's golf course.
24:04And oh, you're not there.
24:06So I won't have to listen to your Billy Big Bollocks bullshit.
24:11And your zero-sum budgets and your slogans PPP.
24:15You are a proper petty prick.
24:18You know, I thought you had bollocks, Mickelson.
24:20Yeah?
24:20I need a man to run my police force.
24:23A proper alpha.
24:24A stag.
24:25A bull.
24:26Not a feeble beta cuck.
24:28Ah, shut up and serve my guck.
24:30It's Minister!
24:42Oh, my God.
24:50Ambulance.
24:50Ambulance.
24:51Ambulance.
24:53No.
24:55Paul.
24:58Paul!
24:59What time has the budget signed off in committee?
25:01Any minute, Chief.
25:02It should be on the website soon.
25:03OK, Paul.
25:04Let me know.
25:05I'll hold.
25:06OK.
25:07We've actually booked this course.
25:10Sorry.
25:11Well, just one minute.
25:13With one final rally, we're almost there.
25:19One minute.
25:21Anything, Paul?
25:23Still nothing.
25:24Nope.
25:25Won't be long.
25:26Yeah, hell of a rally.
25:29Oh, wait.
25:30Wait, that's it confirmed.
25:31OK.
25:32The budget's increased.
25:34Yes.
25:34More money.
25:35Thank you, Paul.
25:35Yes.
25:38Oh, I get an ambulance here as soon as possible.
25:40Oh.
25:40Alex, wait later.
25:42We'll do.
25:44Oh, no.
25:45Oh, no, he's collapsed.
25:46Help.
25:52How's it hanging?
25:54How's it hanging?
25:54You can't say that, Chief.
25:57My gut looks so fit.
25:59But then, not all vulnerabilities are visible.
26:01I heard about my gut RIT and that, but at least the turbo tasers have arrived.
26:08Power to the police.
26:12Good to see you're back.
26:14I'm hosting a seminar this afternoon.
26:17Empathy in the workplace, you interested?
26:20Aye.
26:21Sign me up.
26:22I'll be there.
26:37Ah! There he is. Back where he belongs.
26:45Terrible news about my gut.
26:46Terrible. All thoughts at this time.
26:49And the nation is grateful to you for providing continuity and accepting your old job back.
26:54A little welcome home gift.
26:58So, are we going for lunch? Monkfish was mentioned.
27:01Wow. My treat. I'll put it on expenses.
27:05There's plenty in the budget.
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