Bashful Bachelor (1942) – Lum & Abner Romcom - video Dailymotion

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The Bashful Bachelor (1942) is a rural comedy directed by Malcolm St. Clair, starring the beloved radio duo Lum and Abner.  The story follows Lum Edwards, the “bashful bachelor,” who finds himself caught up in romantic misadventures and small‑town misunderstandings. His partner Abner Peabody adds to the chaos with his bumbling antics, while supporting characters bring extra humor and charm. Adapted from the popular radio program, the film delivers homespun laughs, quirky romance, and a slice of early 1940s Americana.  Film Details Title: The Bashful Bachelor Year: 1942 Genre: Comedy / Rural Humor Director: Malcolm St. Clair Starring: Chester Lauck as Lum Edwards Norris Goff as Abner Peabody Margaret Hamilton (famous as the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz) Frank Craven ZaSu Pitts Runtime: Approx. 81 minutes Studio: RKO Radio Pictures Country: United States Format: Black‑and‑white  #BashfulBachelor #LumAndAbner #ZaSuPitts #1940sComedy #RadioToFilm #RuralRomcom #PineRidge #JotEmDown #ClassicQuips

Transcript

00:00:00The End

00:02:00Mr. Edwards, sort of there.

00:02:02Oh, I don't know if I'd go so first to say that, hardly.

00:02:06Oh.

00:02:08Ten o'clock.

00:02:10Ladies, I've kept you up in years.

00:02:12Good night.

00:02:12I guess you forgot about 1935.

00:02:15You stayed till 12, remember?

00:02:17Oh, yeah.

00:02:18New Year's Eve.

00:02:20Yeah, I never got to bed till 1215 that night.

00:02:24So you think I look like a knight, huh?

00:02:26Yes, Mr. Edwards.

00:02:28Well, good night, Miss Geraldine.

00:02:30Oh, Mr. Edwards, you've been trying to go out that door for years.

00:02:34I know.

00:02:35Silly, ain't it?

00:02:37No, I can ride a horse all right, Miss Geraldine, but I don't know about one of them steeds.

00:02:43On the way home tonight, if you should meet a damsel in distress, I trust you'll draw your sword in

00:02:49her defense.

00:02:49Why, you bet your life I'll draw my sword in her defense.

00:03:20All right, Sir Desmond, come out of there and fight like a man.

00:03:23Sir Desmond, stand up there and fight, you coward.

00:03:25Blame me on the lurky, Sir Desmond.

00:03:27Ain't nobody named Sir Desmond living around here.

00:03:30Oh, howdy, Newt.

00:03:32Hello, love.

00:03:33What are you doing out there?

00:03:35Why, I was just looking for my dog.

00:03:38Sir Desmond, you ain't saw him, have you?

00:03:40No, I didn't see him.

00:03:42Now, come on, Sir Desmond.

00:03:43Come on, boy.

00:03:45Here, Sir Desmond.

00:03:46Come on, boy.

00:03:47That's a funny name for a dog.

00:03:59No, Sir, I tell you, Mr. Dillbeck,

00:04:01love just don't understand me.

00:04:03That's his trouble.

00:04:04I never knowed I was going to get into all this kind of trouble

00:04:07when I traded for that mama and papa rabbit.

00:04:10Get back, now.

00:04:11Get back.

00:04:12I'll have your house fixed for you in a minute.

00:04:14He just wants to argue, that's all it is.

00:04:17Well.

00:04:18Good morning, Abner.

00:04:20Morning, Margie.

00:04:21Good morning, Mr. Dillbeck.

00:04:22What you got there, one of my rabbits?

00:04:23This young man was running away.

00:04:25Well, ask those things as I build a house for him,

00:04:28they outgrow it.

00:04:29Now, get back in and ask your mama where you're going.

00:04:31And what does Mr. Dillbeck think about the rabbits?

00:04:34Oh, he feels like mama reckon that I ought to quit trading, too.

00:04:38But you have quit, haven't you?

00:04:40Well, now, Margie, you know, you can't stop something like that.

00:04:44All of a sudden, a feller's got to sort of taper off on that.

00:04:47Abner Peabody, have you broken your promise to Lum again?

00:04:51Margie, you know good and well that old dealer of a car was falling all to pieces.

00:04:56Well, tell me you've swapped the delivery car.

00:04:59Well, at least a horse don't drink gasoline.

00:05:02A horse?

00:05:03But a horse does eat hay and grains.

00:05:06Well, yeah, but again, I thought of that.

00:05:09They done went.

00:05:10And who is they?

00:05:11Oh, a bunch of gypsies that are coming.

00:05:14Uh-oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:05:15There comes Lum.

00:05:16Don't say another word.

00:05:17Don't tell him.

00:05:18I've got to break this to him for a gradual.

00:05:20Don't worry.

00:05:20This is one fight that I don't ought to be in the middle.

00:05:23Good morning, Lum.

00:05:24Oh, morning, Margie.

00:05:26Morning, Abner.

00:05:27Morning, Lum.

00:05:29Abner, I sort of wanted to talk to you.

00:05:32Why, sure.

00:05:33Ain't nothing wrong, is he?

00:05:34Well, no, but did you ever stop to think that nothing ever happens here in Pine Ridge?

00:05:40That is, nothing very exciting.

00:05:42For instance, here we've been running this store here for years,

00:05:45and we never have even had a robbery.

00:05:48We're going to find ourselves in a rut.

00:05:50Ain't never had a robbery?

00:05:52How about the time I catch little Gomer Bates

00:05:54sneaking out of here with a double handful of candy?

00:05:57Jawbraces, I believe it was.

00:05:59Well, a body can't make a hero out of himself catching little Gomer Bates.

00:06:03Well, no, but who wants to be a hero?

00:06:06Well, that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.

00:06:09Last night, Miss Geraldine was...

00:06:11Oh!

00:06:13Well, now, if you're going to do the talking, go ahead and talk.

00:06:15I just said, oh.

00:06:17Well, what do you mean, oh?

00:06:19Well, just plain oh, I reckon.

00:06:22You're always saying that.

00:06:24How are you going to help me be a hero just standing there saying oh?

00:06:28Oh, I see.

00:06:29You want me to help you make a hero out of yourself.

00:06:32What in the tarnation fur?

00:06:34Well, she was reading out of the book, Miss Geraldine.

00:06:38Tells all about them knights and maidens and all that stuff.

00:06:42Well, I just thought maybe if I could make a hero out of myself, maybe I could get her

00:06:48to marry me.

00:06:50Now, lass, Dad blame you.

00:06:53Hey, doggie, I just can't help it, love.

00:06:56So after all these years, you're finally going to pop the question, huh?

00:07:01Well, she's a mighty fine little woman, isn't she?

00:07:04Mighty fine little woman.

00:07:06Oh, yes.

00:07:06She's a fine woman, all right.

00:07:09Whilst I don't think she's stout enough to do the milking, chop the wood,

00:07:13sit you there at a woman's work, well, she is a fine woman.

00:07:16I thought there ought to be some way you could help me make a hero out of myself.

00:07:21You know, wasting your time swapping for these dad blame rabbits and that no good dog

00:07:26wherever he's at.

00:07:27What's he chewing up now?

00:07:28Mom, I knowed you never liked him, so I got shut of him.

00:07:32Sold him this morning.

00:07:33Well, good for you.

00:07:34What'd you get for him?

00:07:35A hundred dollars.

00:07:37A hundred dollars for that dad blame dog?

00:07:39I've done it.

00:07:40Whereabouts is the money?

00:07:41Why, uh, back there in the shed.

00:07:44Back there in the shed?

00:07:46That's a fine place to leave a hundred dollars laying around.

00:07:49Come on, let's go get it.

00:07:50Well, now, wait a minute.

00:07:52Only good deal you've made in years and you have to leave the money out here in the shed.

00:07:57Great.

00:07:59Wait a minute.

00:08:00What are these dogs doing in here?

00:08:03Huh?

00:08:04Where'd they come from?

00:08:05Oh, that's a hundred dollars long.

00:08:07Uh-uh, a fifty-dollar mama dog and five ten-dollar pucks.

00:08:12Well, goodness sake.

00:08:14I already knowed he was a catch to it some way or other.

00:08:16Got shut of one dog and got six and five.

00:08:21What was that?

00:08:23I never heard nothing.

00:08:25Sounded like a horse.

00:08:26A horse?

00:08:28Now, what would a horse be doing in here?

00:08:30I don't know, but I aim to find out.

00:08:34Uh-oh.

00:08:35Here we go.

00:08:42All right, Granny, if that ain't a horse, what is it?

00:08:45Huh?

00:08:45I don't see nothing.

00:08:47Well, open your eyes.

00:08:48Over here.

00:08:49Huh?

00:08:50Oh.

00:08:51Now, doggy, that does look something like a horse.

00:08:55Yes, sir, I believe you're right, Long.

00:08:57That's what that is, sure of the world.

00:08:59A horse.

00:09:00Cedric Weehan.

00:09:01Morning, Mr. Long.

00:09:02What are you doing in there?

00:09:04Oh, I don't know.

00:09:05Mr. Abner just told me to stay in here with the horse.

00:09:07Well, natural, Long, we had to have somebody to take care of the horse.

00:09:11You'll admit that yourself.

00:09:13One, two, goodness.

00:09:14Swap for a no-good horse like this, and then hire somebody to take care of him.

00:09:18Granny, I've got headaches enough without something like this.

00:09:22Here I laid awake all night last night trying to figure out some way to make a hero out of

00:09:25myself,

00:09:26and you have to do this.

00:09:28Well, if that's all that's wrong with you, just a headache,

00:09:32I can cure that for you.

00:09:35All right, Granny, wait a minute.

00:09:36What ain't we got today that we had yesterday?

00:09:39Huh?

00:09:39What did you swap for that horse?

00:09:41Oh, uh, uh, well, now, Long, you said yourself that old D-Liver car was just falling all to pieces.

00:09:48D-Liver car?

00:09:49You mean you swapped it off for that horse?

00:09:51I must have.

00:09:53All right, Granny, you just take him back to wherever you got him and get our car back.

00:09:56Well, Long, I don't believe them gypsies is coming back through here.

00:10:00Gypsies?

00:10:01All right, Granny, you follow them until you find them.

00:10:03Well, here, here, take that, Long.

00:10:05That'll make you feel better.

00:10:06I know it will.

00:10:07Is that the water you've been giving the horse, Cedric?

00:10:09Yes, Mom.

00:10:10But he's had all he wants.

00:10:12Go ahead and take it, Long.

00:10:14Aunt Long, if you'll just let me keep that horse now, I'll promise you I'll never make another trade as

00:10:21long as I live.

00:10:22Nothing to him?

00:10:23I'll do anything you want me to do.

00:10:25Anything if you let me keep him.

00:10:27Oh, Granny, wait a minute.

00:10:29I'll let you keep him one way.

00:10:31What's that?

00:10:31If you'll promise to help me make a hero out of myself.

00:10:34Why, sure I will.

00:10:36Anything you want me to do.

00:10:38I, Granny, put her there.

00:10:39Well, when do we start?

00:10:40Well, let's go in the store and figure the thing out.

00:10:43Yeah.

00:10:43Uh, Cedric, you take good care of my horse for me now.

00:10:46Uh, Mr. Abner, do I have to stay with the horse all the time?

00:10:49I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

00:10:52He snores.

00:10:53Oh, well, uh, make him sleep on his back, Cedric.

00:10:57That'll stop him.

00:10:57Yes, Mom.

00:11:01Oh, Abner.

00:11:02Move long, if you're going to.

00:11:03I will.

00:11:04Don't rush me.

00:11:05Don't rush me.

00:11:06Abner.

00:11:07I got you a corner there.

00:11:09Away you go.

00:11:10Abner, are you going to get me that sack of flour, or ain't you?

00:11:13Ah.

00:11:14Been waiting for a half hour.

00:11:16Oh, uh, we're plumb out of flour, Obi-Dot.

00:11:19Why don't you go over to Dick Huddleston's store there and get it?

00:11:21He keeps good flour.

00:11:23Yes, and I bet he wouldn't be too darned lazy to get it for me, neither.

00:11:28That dogey, that Obi-Dot is getting grouchy here lately.

00:11:32I don't believe that fella's well.

00:11:34What's the idea of telling a cash customer we're out of flour?

00:11:37Well, Lump, if I got the flour for him, he'd wanted something else.

00:11:41He'll stand there and order stuff all day if he wants to get started.

00:11:47Move.

00:11:48Wait a minute.

00:11:48That's our ring, ain't it?

00:11:50I don't know, I never paid no attention.

00:11:53Move.

00:11:56Yeah, yeah, that's ours.

00:11:57I'd know that ring anyway.

00:11:58I thought it was.

00:12:00Well, move one of them, Lump.

00:12:02Well, let's see.

00:12:04My granny's output has stopped to that ringing anyway.

00:12:07That's our time.

00:12:09Is this the job down, Star?

00:12:11Uh-oh.

00:12:11Oh, sounds like we'll hit her every night.

00:12:15Move.

00:12:16Well, I will, quick as I figure this thing out.

00:12:18You just get away from that checkerboard, Lump Edwards.

00:12:21Oh, did how'd she know he's playing checker?

00:12:24She can't see through that thing, too, can't she?

00:12:26Hang it up.

00:12:27I will, quick as I move here.

00:12:29I want five pounds of apples.

00:12:31Good apples.

00:12:32We ain't got no apples.

00:12:34And I want some cheese about, uh...

00:12:37No cheese.

00:12:38How can a fellow concentrate on a checker again with that going on?

00:12:42Hang it up.

00:12:43Or to have a dead plain thing took you out of here.

00:12:46Ork not to ever let him put it in here to start with.

00:12:48That's what we ought to do.

00:12:50Hang it up for him.

00:12:50Take it up, Lump.

00:12:52Wrong number.

00:12:58Wait a minute.

00:12:59Here comes Uncle Henry Lunsford.

00:13:01I suspect I better get up and wait on him.

00:13:03Yeah, better.

00:13:04Of course, he feels sort of embarrassed even coming in here.

00:13:06They're owing us like he does.

00:13:08Well, he ought not to feel that way.

00:13:10Granted, he's had a lot of hard luck in his place this year.

00:13:13Yeah, don't mention the bill to him at all, Lump.

00:13:18Well, good morning, Uncle Henry.

00:13:20Morning, Lump.

00:13:21What can I do for you?

00:13:22I come to see you about that bill I owe you.

00:13:26Oh, well, me and Abner just ain't got around to making them bills out yet this month.

00:13:31Been owing it to you so long that I...

00:13:33Oh, cut, cut, cut now.

00:13:34What was you needing?

00:13:36Well, been needing so many things that we'll plumb out of flour.

00:13:40Flour?

00:13:41Grannies, we got plenty of it.

00:13:42Just got a fresh batch in the day before yesterday.

00:13:45Uh, Lump.

00:13:46Get Uncle Henry to try out some of them potatoes there first.

00:13:50Give him about a bushel of them.

00:13:52Oh, Lump.

00:13:53I do want you to do that.

00:13:55Well, why don't you go get the wagon and drive around to the side door there and we'll load her

00:13:59up.

00:14:00You'll be wanting to get some feed anyway for the staff.

00:14:02If you insist.

00:14:04And, uh, here.

00:14:06Take these cookies to the young'uns.

00:14:08I know they'll enjoy them.

00:14:10Oh, when those young'uns see these cookies, they'll be like a bunch of hogs under an acorn tree.

00:14:15Yeah.

00:14:19Abner.

00:14:20Huh?

00:14:21Come on up here and help me.

00:14:23Let's get a big basket of stuff for them.

00:14:25I know they'll plumb out of everything.

00:14:27Yeah.

00:14:28That's a good idea, Don.

00:14:29Wait a minute.

00:14:30Grannies, here comes the Witter Abernathy.

00:14:33Ha, ha.

00:14:33All full of love and matrimony as usual.

00:14:37I ought to hide is what I ought to do.

00:14:38No, sir.

00:14:39You stay here and wait on her.

00:14:40You're the one she's in love with.

00:14:42Morning, Witter.

00:14:43Morning.

00:14:44Oh, there you are, Mr. Edwards.

00:14:46You were so busy when I called you.

00:14:48I thought I'd better bring in this order.

00:14:50Let me see.

00:14:51I want five pounds of potatoes.

00:14:53Oh, uh, the potatoes is in Abner's department.

00:14:57Uh, five pounds of potatoes, Abner.

00:15:00Five pounds of fudge.

00:15:01And a package of macaroni.

00:15:03Abner handles a macaroni, too.

00:15:05Package of macaroni, Abner.

00:15:07Macaroni, check.

00:15:09Perhaps it would be best, after all,

00:15:10if I'd just left this list with you and had you deliver it.

00:15:13In person, if you please.

00:15:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:15:18Where are those children?

00:15:19Here we are.

00:15:20It's so hard for one little woman to cope with them.

00:15:23What they need is a good, strong father.

00:15:27Don't you think, Mr. Edwards?

00:15:28Uh, we'll get the groceries over there some way or other with her.

00:15:33Come, children.

00:15:37What them kids need is a good, strong right arm.

00:15:39Come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come.

00:15:46Why, that little varmish.

00:15:48He done it a purpose, too.

00:15:50Why, sure he did.

00:15:52All right, doggies, I know that ain't my department.

00:15:56Go on, pick them up, long.

00:15:57All right, I'll straighten up the can.

00:15:59Here, you fill out the grocery order.

00:16:01Yeah.

00:16:02Well, hand me a sack of them potatoes as you go by there, long.

00:16:06All right, Doggy, that woman's going to get you yet, Mom.

00:16:09She's been trying to marry you for years.

00:16:12Not if I'm in my right mind, she won't.

00:16:14I just leave Mary a bunch of pies and ivy.

00:16:18Let's see.

00:16:20Macaroni.

00:16:24Dog food.

00:16:26Two cans.

00:16:27Doggy, you must be going to have company.

00:16:30Didn't she say something the other day, Mom, about her husband a-dying?

00:16:34Yeah, that's what she claims.

00:16:36I think she worried him to death.

00:16:38Down in Oklahoma, I believe she said it was.

00:16:41That's what it was. Tulsi, Oklahoma, that's where she says.

00:16:44He might have just run off and left her.

00:16:46I know that's what I'd have did.

00:16:51Howdy, Mr. Lowe.

00:16:52Oh, hello, Cedric.

00:16:54Well, would you have an accident?

00:16:57Yeah, one went through here a few minutes ago.

00:16:59Come on, pitch in and help me straighten up these cans.

00:17:02Mom?

00:17:02Help me straighten up these tomatoes.

00:17:04Oh.

00:17:12Well, stack them up there yourself, Cedric.

00:17:15Mom?

00:17:19Never mind, I'll do it myself.

00:17:21That old woman can throw more stuff out the back door,

00:17:25and there are two men can carry into the front if they realize.

00:17:28Yeah, it's looking all right, Cedric.

00:17:32Here you are, Long.

00:17:34What do you mean, here you are?

00:17:36The D-Liver for the weather, Abernathy.

00:17:38Well, take it on over there, then.

00:17:40You were the one that you wanted to bring it over.

00:17:43You were the one that swapped off the D-Liver car.

00:17:45Now, Long, you said you wouldn't bring that up again.

00:17:48Go on, take them groceries over there.

00:17:50I'll take it over for you, Mr. Abner.

00:17:52No, you don't, Cedric.

00:17:53Make him do it.

00:17:55My granny's maybe to learn him to quit trading with everybody that wants to banner him.

00:17:58Go on, take them over there.

00:18:01Dad, blame it all.

00:18:02Got to where all the work that did around this place I had to do.

00:18:06Well, that's...

00:18:07Dad gets it, Cedric.

00:18:08Looks all right, don't it?

00:18:10Uh-oh.

00:18:10There's one more there, Mr. Love.

00:18:12Oh, hand it.

00:18:18Well, I'll be dead blind.

00:18:20Oh.

00:18:21I've been named to do this.

00:18:26I'm hungry.

00:18:27You're hungry.

00:18:28If you don't quit talking about eating, I'm going to take a bite out of you.

00:18:31Hey, Nick, here comes that guy down the street and...

00:18:35He's got a basket of groceries, Scram.

00:18:38Well, thank you very much, Doctor.

00:18:40You've opened up a new world for me.

00:18:42See if you can open up a can of sardines someplace.

00:18:45Well, good morning, good morning, good morning, sir.

00:18:48Morning.

00:18:50Doggy, that's pretty good to keep three of them things in there at once, you know what?

00:18:53Three?

00:18:54I was juggling six balls.

00:18:55Six?

00:18:56I've never seen but three of them.

00:18:58Well, if you could only see three balls when I'm juggling six, there must be something wrong with your glasses.

00:19:02Let me send you a pair of glasses.

00:19:03Oh, no, I ain't got no money to be buying nothing, no.

00:19:06Well, maybe we can make a trade.

00:19:08Huh?

00:19:09Trade?

00:19:10Yes.

00:19:10See, you don't need cash.

00:19:11We can trade the glasses for whatever you've got in there.

00:19:14What have you got there?

00:19:15Oh, get some groceries, potatoes and cookies and butter and ham and one thing or another.

00:19:21Yeah.

00:19:22Now, you don't need cash.

00:19:23You see?

00:19:24We're going to make this trade.

00:19:25Well, I don't much believe I'd be interested in buying no glasses right at this time.

00:19:30I've got to study up some way or another to make a hero out of myself so as I can

00:19:33marry Miss Geraldine.

00:19:35Of course, you don't know what a hero is.

00:19:37I do have done it.

00:19:39I've seen one at the Opry House.

00:19:40He saved a pretty lady.

00:19:42Saved her from what?

00:19:44A engine.

00:19:45What was he going to do?

00:19:46Scalp her?

00:19:47No, a railroad engine.

00:19:49She was tied onto the tracks and he run and on tied her and...

00:19:53Well, what do you think she done?

00:19:55What'd she do?

00:19:56Kissing?

00:19:57Oh, sure.

00:19:58Kissing it yourself.

00:19:59But he made a big hero out of him.

00:20:01Did I?

00:20:02Yes, Mom.

00:20:04Now, Granny, wait a minute, Cedric.

00:20:05I believe you'd give me a ID.

00:20:07Mom.

00:20:08How would you like for me to save you from my railroad engine?

00:20:11I don't think I'd like it.

00:20:12Now, that's right.

00:20:13It ought to be somebody more important.

00:20:15Yes, Mom.

00:20:17Somebody like...

00:20:18like Abner.

00:20:21Mr. Peabody, take these glasses and put them in your pocket as a memento of an almost fatal mistake.

00:20:26And put on these glasses that are going to help you immeasurably.

00:20:29Won't you look across the street, please?

00:20:32Uh-uh.

00:20:34Oh!

00:20:37Doggers, what do we have in a earthquake?

00:20:40Earthquake?

00:20:40Let me see those.

00:20:42Oh, yes, I see.

00:20:43It needs a little crimp it.

00:20:44There we are.

00:20:45Now then, look right across the street again.

00:20:52I believe you better crimp them again.

00:20:54They still ain't just right.

00:20:55Oh, they're all right.

00:20:56You just read these large letters here.

00:20:58They're awful skinny, you know it.

00:21:00Oh, well, I'll keep myself in good shape.

00:21:01Good glasses will keep you in shape.

00:21:03Well, these must be x-ray glasses.

00:21:05I can see every bone in your body.

00:21:08Every...

00:21:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.

00:21:10I beg your pardon.

00:21:11That's from the last count.

00:21:13There we are.

00:21:14Now, the test.

00:21:15Please read this letter.

00:21:16Uh, B.

00:21:17Very good.

00:21:18This?

00:21:19O.

00:21:20Very good.

00:21:21And this?

00:21:21Uh, P.

00:21:23Perfect.

00:21:24And this?

00:21:25That's another O, ain't it?

00:21:27That's fine.

00:21:28And here?

00:21:29Uh, Y.

00:21:30Excellent.

00:21:31And this?

00:21:32Z.

00:21:33Correct.

00:21:34A hundred percent correct, as we say in the optical world.

00:21:37Got them right, did I?

00:21:38You certainly did.

00:21:39Well, good for me.

00:21:40What's that?

00:21:41Oh.

00:21:42Oh, yes, sir.

00:21:43Yes, sir.

00:21:43Uh, the groceries, please, Mr. P. Buddy.

00:21:46What's first, sir?

00:21:47Yes, sir.

00:21:48What is first?

00:21:50Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:51There we are.

00:21:53This crowd I'll run into you four is too late.

00:21:55Well, much obliged, doctor.

00:21:57Yes, Mr. P. Buddy.

00:21:58What a blessing is clear vision.

00:22:07Oh, excuse me, ma'am.

00:22:20Oh, there's much rain last night.

00:22:22And we'll tie Abner to the railroad track, and just as the train gets right to him, I'll

00:22:26run up there and untie the ropes and save his life and make a hero.

00:22:29Wait a minute.

00:22:30Here he comes now.

00:22:31Don't let on, Cedric.

00:22:32Don't let on.

00:22:37Oh, you gentlemen been waited on?

00:22:39Wait a minute, Abner.

00:22:41What in the world's the matter with you?

00:22:43Huh?

00:22:45Is that you, Lord?

00:22:50Well, I'll be dead blank.

00:22:52What's going on here?

00:22:54All right, Cedric.

00:22:55May as well start stacking them up again.

00:22:57Whoa.

00:22:58Oh.

00:22:59Wait a minute.

00:23:00Whereabouts did you get them spectacles?

00:23:02From a fellow right over there on the corner.

00:23:05On to goodness.

00:23:06You needed new glasses, about like we needed that horse you swapped for.

00:23:09He'd give me a examination, and I passed it long, and he let me have a pair.

00:23:14I was needing them off of bed.

00:23:15He said so himself.

00:23:17Whereabouts is the basket?

00:23:18Huh?

00:23:19You swapped the winter Abernathy's groceries for them things.

00:23:22Well, well, it ain't every day a fellow gets a chance to be fitted by an expert this way.

00:23:27Whereabouts is he at now?

00:23:28Right over there.

00:23:30All right, Granny, give me them things.

00:23:31Wait a minute.

00:23:32What you fixing to do, Long?

00:23:33I'm going to make him give us them groceries back.

00:23:35Now, wait a minute.

00:23:36And I'm going to run him out of town so fast he'll set the woods on fire.

00:23:40Come on, Cedric.

00:23:40I might need your help.

00:23:43Show me that's a fine howdy-do.

00:23:45Uh, fine how do you do, I must say.

00:23:51Oh, tomatoes are knocked down.

00:23:53Don't I believe I've been off more than I chew on you rabbits.

00:23:57Got me building pens night and day.

00:24:00Uh-oh, there comes Mr. Fine-Ridge.

00:24:06Well, good morning, Abner.

00:24:09How are you with this fine day?

00:24:10He's up to something.

00:24:12Morning, Squire.

00:24:14I just thought I'd drop by and leave this grocery order to be filled.

00:24:18Well, well, much obliged to you.

00:24:20No, not at all, not at all.

00:24:23I hear you and Long bought a horse.

00:24:25Well, we didn't exactly buy him, but we got one.

00:24:29Great horse, is it?

00:24:31Oh, I don't know, Ferg, I know it's just a horse.

00:24:35I might take a look at him and let you know what kind of a deal you made.

00:24:38Why, sure.

00:24:39Be proud to get your opinions on him.

00:24:42He's back here in the shed.

00:24:43Come on back.

00:24:44Oh, you have him here, eh?

00:24:45Yeah, yeah.

00:24:47Wouldn't want to buy some rabbit teeth, would you, Squire?

00:24:50No, no.

00:24:51I just had two when I started.

00:24:54Yes, sir, I believe I made a good...

00:24:56Well, Cedric tied him up out here.

00:25:00Oh, boy.

00:25:01Hey, Squire, look him over.

00:25:04Stands a square on his feet of the cookstove.

00:25:07Ain't got a spurs fabbing on him nowhere that I could find.

00:25:11Broad through the chest of the white oak stump.

00:25:14Got a good look out of his eye.

00:25:18How old you say he is, Squire?

00:25:20I'm afraid I couldn't tell you, Peabody.

00:25:23Somebody's been doing a pretty good job of teeth filing there.

00:25:26They have, huh?

00:25:27Well, he's practically worthless.

00:25:29You could be wrong about that, you know, Uncle.

00:25:31What are you doing here?

00:25:32Oh, howdy, Margie.

00:25:34Hello, Edward.

00:25:34I just dropped in accidentally.

00:25:36Same as you did.

00:25:38He looks to me like he's got some pretty good points.

00:25:40I repeat, he's worthless.

00:25:42Uh, someone was telling me you were thinking about entering him in the county sweepstakes at the fair next week.

00:25:48But after looking him over, it's my opinion, Abner.

00:25:52You're too smart to try to race him against a horse like my brown best.

00:25:56Well, I weren't figuring on entering him.

00:25:59Oh, uh, well, you can't tell about a horse that way, Squire.

00:26:03You try him.

00:26:04Oh, nonsense.

00:26:05His, uh, confirmation is all wrong.

00:26:08Uh, what's his name?

00:26:11Well, I was sort of thinking a while ago, uh,

00:26:14Long went so high when I swapped for him.

00:26:16I might just call him Skyrocket.

00:26:20Doesn't he look to you, Uncle, as if he might have been foaled at the Frank Williams place in your

00:26:24hot spring?

00:26:24Oh, ridiculous.

00:26:26Why, that Williams stock is a fine stain of horse flesh.

00:26:30Why, that critter can't run a lick.

00:26:32I'd like to ride him sometime, Abner, and see if he has any spirits.

00:26:36And the Squire, being a sportsman, wouldn't want you and Long to pass up a good bet, I'm sure.

00:26:40No, no, certainly not.

00:26:42Certainly not.

00:26:42But you're just wasting your time.

00:26:48Uh-oh.

00:26:49There comes Long.

00:26:51I hope he never hurt that fella when he run him out of town.

00:26:55Did you have to fish fight him, Long?

00:26:57No, uh, take off them glasses and put them in your pocket or throw them away or something before they

00:27:02ruin your eyes.

00:27:03Oh.

00:27:03Here.

00:27:04Oh, what's the matter?

00:27:05Wouldn't he take them back?

00:27:07Well, you can't expect them to work right off the bat, Abner.

00:27:09You've got to let them get used to your eyes.

00:27:11He said to crimp them.

00:27:13Oh, well.

00:27:14Uh, here, here, Long.

00:27:16Here's an order for Squire's Gimp.

00:27:18You put it up.

00:27:19I'll deliver it over there.

00:27:20Yeah.

00:27:21Potatoes, onions, sugar,

00:27:24beets.

00:27:25Wait a minute.

00:27:27Here.

00:27:29Huh.

00:27:31Oh, you got a pair, too, huh?

00:27:34Yeah, I had to get them, Abner.

00:27:35I had to get them.

00:27:36Well, I never know your eyes would give me trouble.

00:27:38Oh, yeah.

00:27:39He says that might be what's been causing my asthma.

00:27:41Well.

00:27:43If you don't have to write so big, I ain't hard to hear.

00:27:48Potatoes.

00:27:54Uh-oh.

00:27:55Customer.

00:27:55Huh?

00:27:59Oh, come in, Cedric.

00:28:02Mom?

00:28:06Oh, there you are.

00:28:08Way over yonder.

00:28:09What's the matter to him?

00:28:11Well, I believe Cedric bought some glasses, too.

00:28:17God, Cedric, don't run over a feller.

00:28:20Mr. Lung!

00:28:21Where are you, Mr. Lung?

00:28:22Here we are, Cedric.

00:28:24Right here.

00:28:24Oh.

00:28:25Here, here.

00:28:26Here we are.

00:28:29Mr. Lung, you got the longest arm I ever seen.

00:28:31Where did you get them spectacles?

00:28:34The eye doctor.

00:28:35He said I look more extinguished looking with them all.

00:28:38Well.

00:28:46Hey, Granny's, that's the biggest horse I ever seen in my life.

00:28:51Where?

00:28:52Right up this way.

00:28:56Look out.

00:28:57You run over.

00:28:58Oh, that's Marjorie and Skyrocket.

00:29:07You're a good boy, Skyrocket.

00:29:09Good boy.

00:29:11Oh, excuse me, excuse me.

00:29:13Well, what about him, Marjorie?

00:29:14If you say enter him in the county sweepstakes, he goes.

00:29:18Yes, sir.

00:29:18You're the boss.

00:29:19I'd like one or two more days before I give you a definite answer.

00:29:23Well, what's the matter?

00:29:24Ain't he fast enough?

00:29:25Is that what you mean?

00:29:27No.

00:29:28As a matter of fact, I think he's about two seconds to the mile faster than Brown Best.

00:29:31Well, what are we waiting for, then?

00:29:34Aye, Granny's, I can't hardly wait to see the expression on the squire's face whenever he has to hand that

00:29:39cup over to us.

00:29:42But it isn't that easy.

00:29:43I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid the horse is a balker.

00:29:47He's a what?

00:29:49Mm-hmm.

00:29:49He won't start.

00:29:50Look, I'll show you.

00:29:52Well, I'll be dead blind.

00:29:54Well, didn't them gypsies tell you that whenever you traded, Brian?

00:29:57No.

00:29:58Well, now, come to think of it, I believe they did say that sometimes he stood awful quiet.

00:30:04Pick up that rope, Lomb, and stretch it straight across the road.

00:30:07Huh?

00:30:08Oh.

00:30:09Well, no wonder he balks, Margie.

00:30:11He's got to jump a rope to get started.

00:30:13Well, let's try him.

00:30:15All right.

00:30:15All right, let's go.

00:30:17One, two, three.

00:30:20Go.

00:30:21Doggies, he's out of sight already.

00:30:23Where'd he go?

00:30:24He never went.

00:30:26Huh?

00:30:27Oh.

00:30:29See, I told you he was a balker.

00:30:32I've tried every trick I've ever heard of to get him started.

00:30:36And sometimes he'll go and sometimes he won't.

00:30:38He'd look pretty foolish if he refused to break at the county sweepstakes.

00:30:41Yeah.

00:30:42Squire'd have the laugh on us then, wouldn't he?

00:30:44Mm-hmm.

00:30:45That's what I'm afraid of.

00:30:46The horse is getting better, I think.

00:30:48But if Cedric's gonna ride him, he better start working with him so Skyrocket can get used

00:30:51to him.

00:30:53You know how Bouncy Abner could ride him?

00:30:56He used to be quite a rider when he was a young fella.

00:30:58Oh.

00:30:59Well, I ain't been on a horse in 30 years.

00:31:02Well, you ain't scared of him, are you?

00:31:05Why, of course not.

00:31:06I can ride any horse that ever peeped through a bridle.

00:31:09Well, get on him then.

00:31:10See what you can do with him.

00:31:13Oh.

00:31:14Oh, boy.

00:31:15Hey.

00:31:15That he goes.

00:31:16There.

00:31:16Oh, boy.

00:31:17Oh, boy.

00:31:18That he goes.

00:31:18Well.

00:31:20How are you getting on with, man?

00:31:23We're getting on time.

00:31:24We think we'll have a racehorse one of these days.

00:31:26Someone was telling me he don't break very well.

00:31:30I hope he ain't a balker.

00:31:34Squire, skimp, have you been snooping on me?

00:31:36No, no, no, no.

00:31:38Certainly not.

00:31:39But I heard a few rumors.

00:31:42Take him down the road, Abner.

00:31:43Let him out a little.

00:31:44Well, don't you want to put the rope up first?

00:31:47Oh, sure, sure, sure.

00:31:48Put up the rope.

00:31:50Let's see him start.

00:31:51Yes.

00:31:52If he will start.

00:31:54Well, he'll start all right.

00:31:56Come on, now.

00:31:57Put it up.

00:31:58One, two, three, go.

00:32:00Look out.

00:32:01Here we come.

00:32:01Come on, Scott Rocket.

00:32:02Let's go.

00:32:03Come on, boy.

00:32:03Let's go.

00:32:04Get up there.

00:32:04Get up.

00:32:05Don't you do stand quiet, don't you?

00:32:07Come on.

00:32:07Let's go.

00:32:08Scott Rocket.

00:32:17All right, Granny, she's a powerful runner once you get started.

00:32:20Yes, sir.

00:32:21One rabbit power.

00:32:24Wait a minute.

00:32:26So this is how you've been snooping on us.

00:32:31Good day, Lomb.

00:32:36Well, I'd still like to know where we're going, Lomb.

00:32:39Be quiet, Abner.

00:32:41I reckon this is fair enough, ain't it, Cedric?

00:32:43Bob?

00:32:44Oh, just Bob.

00:32:45What are we doing down here on our railroad track, Lomb?

00:32:48Are we going to hop a freight and run away from home?

00:32:51Of course not.

00:32:52Oh.

00:32:53Well, what are we going to do?

00:32:55You said if I come down here, you had a surprise for me.

00:32:58Now, what is it?

00:32:59Well, before I tell you, I expect we better tie him up, haven't we, Cedric?

00:33:03Just Bob.

00:33:03You can tie his hands and feet there, Cedric.

00:33:05You've got to tie me up first, huh?

00:33:07Yeah.

00:33:08Well, good for me.

00:33:09I love surprises.

00:33:11I just love them.

00:33:12Hurry up, Cedric.

00:33:13Well, now, you've been promising to help me make a hero out of myself if I'd let you keep

00:33:17that horse.

00:33:18I'll do it.

00:33:19I'll do it too long.

00:33:20All right.

00:33:21This is your chance to play ball with me.

00:33:23Well, good.

00:33:24Play ball?

00:33:25Is that what the surprise is, a new bit?

00:33:27Oh, not baseball, Abner.

00:33:29Well, Lomb, I'm getting too old to play football if that's what you're talking about.

00:33:33Time tight there, Cedric.

00:33:35Just ball.

00:33:35Yeah, I don't know what the game is, Cedric, but time ain't tight.

00:33:38I don't want to cheat.

00:33:40Now, what is it, Lomb, we're going to play?

00:33:41Well, we're going to tie you across the railroad track here.

00:33:44Oh, good.

00:33:45And when the train gets about, oh, 100 yards from us here, I'll run up the track here.

00:33:50Cedric and I'll hide out the side there, see, and we'll run up the track here, and I'll

00:33:54untie you and save your life and make a hero out of me.

00:33:57Well, uh, what train?

00:34:01Why the Fast Express?

00:34:02Fast Express?

00:34:03Oh, no, you don't.

00:34:05Wait a minute, Cedric.

00:34:20Have ye rested for this?

00:34:22Don't pay no attention to him, Cedric.

00:34:23Don't, Cedric.

00:34:24That tickles my feet.

00:34:25Don't do that, Cedric.

00:34:26Help!

00:34:27Help!

00:34:28Shut up.

00:34:28Somebody might hear you.

00:34:29Well, that's the reason I'm hollering help.

00:34:31So they will.

00:34:32Now, Lomb, Lomb.

00:34:33You got him, Cedric?

00:34:34That's flaming old.

00:34:36That ought to hold him.

00:34:37Now, don't worry a bit, Abner.

00:34:38I'll be right back to rescue you as quick as the train comes.

00:34:41You sit here behind this bush, Cedric, so nobody can see you.

00:34:43Yes, boss.

00:34:45Hey, Granny, this is going to make the biggest hero out of me Pine Ridge has ever seen.

00:34:49It is, huh?

00:34:50Oh, yeah.

00:34:51And if it's worth every cent, I'm paying you to help me, Cedric.

00:34:54Well, when am I going to get the 50 cents?

00:34:56Now, we'll get around to that later.

00:34:59Cedric, don't leave me, Cedric.

00:35:01That's flaming old.

00:35:03Granny, I hope they stop the train and all the customers get out and shake hands with me.

00:35:07Maybe the engineer will get me to set up there in the engine with him and ride me clear into

00:35:11the county seat.

00:35:12That's flaming old.

00:35:13Come up here.

00:35:14Mr. Love, the train sounds like it's getting awful near.

00:35:17Oh, no.

00:35:18We got plenty of time, Cedric.

00:35:20See, the closer it gets to Abner, the bigger hero it'll make out of me.

00:35:23Love, hurry up, love.

00:35:25There comes the train, love.

00:35:26Hurry up.

00:35:27Yes, but it's getting awful close.

00:35:30Oh, Mr. Love, you better get on up there.

00:35:33Well, you stay right here, Cedric.

00:35:35Help, help.

00:35:36Scrave it all up.

00:35:38It's the greatest idea I ever had in my life, Abner.

00:35:41This ought to make a hero out of me.

00:35:43Get me loose, you crazy idea.

00:35:44Oh, I got plenty of time.

00:35:46Hurry up, love.

00:35:47Hurry up, love.

00:35:48Granny, Cedric's got these bad and a hard knock.

00:35:51I wish I'd never hear to that.

00:35:52Oh, my goodness.

00:35:53Well, stop the train.

00:35:54Wait a minute.

00:35:55Hold it back.

00:35:56Hold it.

00:35:57Get up loose, love.

00:35:59Wait a minute.

00:36:00Hold it.

00:36:06Hold it.

00:36:07I told you, Cedric.

00:36:08Just break it up.

00:36:10Oh, I reckon Mr. Love's a hero now, ain't he?

00:36:14I'd rather not discuss it, Cedric.

00:36:16Yes, ma'am.

00:36:23I told you if you get any higher, I'm going to have to get a ladder.

00:36:26I'll climb up on everything he is in the store.

00:36:29No, as I was saying, Mr. Dillbeck, if that lump keeps up this hero business of his, somebody's

00:36:36going to get hurt around here.

00:36:37And I think I know who it is, too.

00:36:40Oh, I don't believe I'd say that, Abner.

00:36:43Well, don't come slipping up on a fellow early in the morning this way.

00:36:46You scare the daylights out of me.

00:36:48Abner, I've got a great idea.

00:36:50I don't want to hear it.

00:36:51Oh, but this is a gooder.

00:36:53You're going to be kidnapped.

00:36:55Think of that.

00:36:55I am thinking, and I still don't like it.

00:36:59It's going to be a secret.

00:37:00Well, just keep it a secret from me, then.

00:37:02Well, wait a minute.

00:37:03What about that promise of yours?

00:37:05I don't recollect no promise.

00:37:07You mean to say you don't recollect promising to help me make a hero out of myself?

00:37:11I never promised to put up with the kind of foolishness you got me into yesterday.

00:37:16Well, now, wait a minute, Abner.

00:37:17Wait just a minute.

00:37:18Let me explain it to you.

00:37:19It ain't no use arguing about it, Abner.

00:37:21You're just wasting your time now.

00:37:23Well, wait a minute, Abner.

00:37:24I don't much blame you.

00:37:26That railroad business never worked out very good for some reason or other, but this is different.

00:37:30Now, tonight, I'll get a ladder, and I'll come over to your house and get you out of the bedroom

00:37:34window.

00:37:34You'll have to make out like you got a headache or something and go to bed early so your woman

00:37:38Elizabeth won't think anything about it.

00:37:41And we'll take you over to that hill, back to Uncle Henry Lunsford's place, and pick out a nice spot

00:37:45and tie you to a tree.

00:37:47I'll just stay there till I starve to death, huh?

00:37:49No, no.

00:37:50We're going to put a note on the front door there saying you're being helped for a $1,000 ransom.

00:37:55A $1,000?

00:37:57For me?

00:37:58Ha, ha.

00:37:59My doggie.

00:38:00See how important you're going to be?

00:38:02Yeah, but now, how do I get loose?

00:38:04Well, I'm coming to that.

00:38:05Now, tomorrow morning, right early, I'll go down to that hobo camp down there on the river, and I'll get

00:38:10a couple of them tramps, pick out a couple of the meanest-looking fellas.

00:38:13Of course, I'll have to pay them about $5 apiece.

00:38:15And they turn me loose?

00:38:17No, no.

00:38:18They're going to stand guard over you.

00:38:20They're the kidnappers.

00:38:21Oh.

00:38:21So, after the posse forms, I'll sort of lead them up to the right spot, and then I'll come charging

00:38:26up the hill of firing my six-shooter.

00:38:28You needn't go any farther along.

00:38:30Why not?

00:38:31I saw you shoot that pistol.

00:38:34Ain't a thing you're doing.

00:38:35Oh, well, these are going to be blank cartridges, silly.

00:38:38Oh, oh.

00:38:39But the hobos will make out like they're real bullets, and they'll just run like all get-out.

00:38:43And right in front of the posse, I'll come running up the hill and I'll untie you.

00:38:47Granny, if that don't make a hero out of me, my name ain't Little Manters.

00:38:52Well, it sounds like a pretty good idea, all right, Lon, but I believe I'd better think it over for

00:38:58a week or two.

00:38:59No, sir.

00:39:00We've got to strike while the iron's hot.

00:39:02Yeah, we're going...

00:39:04Huh.

00:39:05Yeah, what'd you say about heating up the iron?

00:39:07I say we've got to strike while the iron's hot.

00:39:10That's an old littered saying of mine.

00:39:12Oh, what kind of iron?

00:39:13A flat iron like Elizabeth uses to iron with?

00:39:16Any kind of iron, hot or cold, we've got to strike tonight.

00:39:19Well, you better make it a cold or not, I'll tell you that.

00:39:22If you think I'm going to set up on top of that hill and hold a red-hot iron waiting

00:39:26for you to come after me, you've got another get to coming.

00:39:28Well, forget about the iron.

00:39:30Tonight's the night.

00:39:37Abner.

00:39:38Abner.

00:39:42Hey, Abner.

00:39:44Abner, are you awake?

00:39:48Hey, Abner.

00:39:50Abner, get out of there.

00:39:51Ah, who is it?

00:39:53It's me, Lom.

00:39:54What are you doing out running around this time of night, Lom?

00:39:57Go home.

00:39:58I've come to kidnap you.

00:39:59Don't you recollect?

00:40:00To kidnap?

00:40:01Oh, I've changed my mind about this, Lom.

00:40:03No, you ain't either.

00:40:04Get out of that bed or I'll come in there and get you.

00:40:06Oh, now, Lom, don't argue now.

00:40:08Don't argue.

00:40:09Get out of there, then.

00:40:10Hurry up.

00:40:10I'm getting...

00:40:11I'm getting...

00:40:12Be quiet before you wake up the whole household.

00:40:14I'm around here at this hour of the night.

00:40:16Let me...

00:40:16Hold on.

00:40:17My goodness, hurry up, Abner.

00:40:18This is gracious alive.

00:40:19Wait a minute.

00:40:20Wait a minute.

00:40:21Let me get my brinkets on.

00:40:22Be quiet.

00:40:23Kidnap.

00:40:24Make a hero out of yourself.

00:40:26Oh, but I wish I'd never hear you.

00:40:28Wait a minute.

00:40:28I'll give you a light here, Lom.

00:40:30Don't.

00:40:31Oh, my goodness.

00:40:32Come on, Abner.

00:40:33Wait a minute.

00:40:33This is the best prize lamp left to her by her mama, too.

00:40:37Don't be just a fine time of night to be getting a man out for something like this.

00:40:41Come on and shut up.

00:40:43Oh, they had more sense than to listen to you in the first place.

00:40:49Get up out of bed all hours and I'd be quiet.

00:40:53I say it.

00:40:56Oh, no, that tickles.

00:40:59Be quiet.

00:41:00Yeah, don't tickle my foot.

00:41:02Tender foot.

00:41:03All that happens.

00:41:07Oh.

00:41:09That didn't break my back.

00:41:10It's a mercy.

00:41:11It ain't my back that's hurting me.

00:41:13Oh, come on.

00:41:13Let's get out of here.

00:41:15We'll just leave that ladder there for evidence.

00:41:18Come on.

00:41:20Oh, oh.

00:41:21Blimey, rock.

00:41:22Why, how'd you wake up the whole neighborhood?

00:41:24These rocks are hurting my feet, Lom.

00:41:26You're going to have to carry me.

00:41:28Oh, for goodness sakes.

00:41:29For two cents, I'd give this whole thing up.

00:41:31All right, Dolby.

00:41:32That's a deal.

00:41:32What are you doing?

00:41:34Oh, ain't got less than a nickel.

00:41:36Oh, for goodness sake.

00:41:36Get on.

00:41:37Get aboard.

00:41:38Yes.

00:41:39Oh.

00:41:44You better get off now, Edna.

00:41:46I've got to put that ransom note on the door.

00:41:48This is fun riding piggyback, you know.

00:41:50Oh, that's so loud.

00:41:52You wake up the whole town.

00:41:54Oh.

00:41:54Thousand Wonders will get out of the house without waking Elizabeth up.

00:41:57Elizabeth?

00:41:58Why, she weren't there.

00:42:00Weren't there?

00:42:00No, Grandma mastered her sick, so she went over here to sit up with her.

00:42:04Well, this is a fine time to be telling me about him.

00:42:07We could walk right out the front door.

00:42:09I never thought about that.

00:42:20We've got Edna.

00:42:21If he's worth a thousand dollars, you better get it ready.

00:42:25If he ain't, we'll send him his ears one at a time more later.

00:42:31The Red Circle Day.

00:42:35Captain, they've been kidnapped.

00:42:36Oh, they're going for ransom.

00:42:37They're bombing a blocky now.

00:42:39Get the boys and cover on us.

00:43:04Hey, what makes you think they came this way?

00:43:07Well, I just figured it out, Sheriff.

00:43:10I just figured if I was a kidnapper, whereabouts would I take him?

00:43:14Well, sounds like good reasoning to me.

00:43:16All right, men.

00:43:18Follow along.

00:43:18Yeah, follow me.

00:43:21Oh, for the land's sake.

00:43:23Did you hurt yourself?

00:43:27Well, you fellas has got this all wrong.

00:43:29It was just a joke.

00:43:31Well, the joke ain't going to work, son.

00:43:34Well, see, me and my partner, we was going to make out like I was kidnapped, and then he's

00:43:39going to rescue me, and that'll make a hero out of it, and he'll get to marry Miss Charity.

00:43:43Oh, cut the comedy.

00:43:44We came by the store and seen the ransom note.

00:43:46That was for the joke, too.

00:43:48He was going to give us ten bucks and shake somebody down for a grand.

00:43:51Well, if anybody's going to get it, we're going to get the grand.

00:43:55Well, we wasn't going to get no grand pie, and it was a thousand dollars.

00:43:59They'll be here in just a little while.

00:44:01Who'll be here?

00:44:02The posse and my partner to rescue me.

00:44:05There ain't going to be no rescue, mister.

00:44:07Not till we've had time to collect.

00:44:08And if that silly-looking partner of yours wants to get tough about it, we'll fill them full

00:44:13of holes.

00:44:15Oh, there's ain't there nothing I can do to make you fellas believe me?

00:44:18Well, we believe you, and we're going to be all nice little pals together just as soon

00:44:22as we cut up that dough.

00:44:23Why, you low-down snake in the wheat?

00:44:28Hey, Butch, there's a bunch of roofs milling around down here.

00:44:32That's them, that's them.

00:44:33They've come for me.

00:44:34Good for them.

00:44:35Hooray!

00:44:35Keep your mouth shut, you little runner.

00:44:36I'll shut it for you.

00:44:37You and who else?

00:44:39Help!

00:44:39I said keep your mouth shut.

00:44:41Help!

00:44:42Help!

00:44:43Just a minute, man.

00:44:44Can't be more than nine or ten of them up there.

00:44:47I'll handle this by myself.

00:44:48But, love, you can't help.

00:44:49No, no, I don't want none of you fellas to get hurt.

00:44:51But if I have any trouble, you fellas come and help me out.

00:44:54And come a-shooting.

00:44:56Hey, here comes the other guy.

00:44:58Let's get over behind the tree and give him a warning to keep away.

00:45:01Hey, love!

00:45:02Don't come up there, they'll kill you!

00:45:04That guy's a dummy.

00:45:05Don't believe his own partner.

00:45:07Better warn him off.

00:45:10Tell him to keep shooting, Abner.

00:45:12That's going to sound good from down there below.

00:45:15Lomb, don't come up there.

00:45:16Stay back, Lomb.

00:45:17They'll kill you.

00:45:21Lomb, stay back.

00:45:22They're right over there by that tree.

00:45:25He didn't say nothing about shooting.

00:45:27That thing looks like a young cannon.

00:45:30Hey, better not fire, man.

00:45:31You're liable to hit Lomb.

00:45:33Lomb, don't come up there.

00:45:34Hey, get back, Lomb.

00:45:40They're right over there, Lomb.

00:45:41They're there, right over there.

00:45:45Just stay where you are.

00:45:46I'm going to get you.

00:45:49Them bullets are as big as marble.

00:45:51That guy must be crazy.

00:45:52He's asking for it.

00:45:53Let him have it.

00:45:56Get on back, Lomb.

00:45:57Get back.

00:46:00The crazy roof got me.

00:46:01I'm getting out of here.

00:46:02That guy don't know when he's licked.

00:46:03Come on.

00:46:08All right, man.

00:46:09He's made him break cover.

00:46:11Nice work, Abner.

00:46:13I told you it'd work out just like we planned it.

00:46:15Yeah, you told me.

00:46:17That's a good idea having them fellas shooting blanks, too.

00:46:20Did you tell them to do that?

00:46:22Lomb, them weren't blanks.

00:46:24They was using real bullets.

00:46:26They was going to hold me here till you paid them a $1,000 ransom.

00:46:29Oh, you're just joking, Abner.

00:46:31You're just saying that to get even with me on account of that railroad business.

00:46:35I know.

00:46:36Just saying it, huh?

00:46:37Well, if you think them weren't real bullets they was using, take a look at your hat there.

00:46:42Huh?

00:46:42Take a look at your hat there.

00:46:45Oh, my goodness.

00:46:52Is he wounded, Abner?

00:46:54No.

00:46:54Just shell-shocked, I reckon.

00:46:56On time, he said, Rick.

00:46:58Then pick up his feet.

00:46:59We've got to carry him in.

00:47:00Oh.

00:47:01On time, he.

00:47:03Oh.

00:47:03All the crazy, idiotic stunts I ever heard of in my life, this one takes the prize.

00:47:10Uh, now is he a hero, Mr. Abner?

00:47:13I hope so, for one of us gets killed.

00:47:22You're sure I can't deliver these groceries for you, Miss Geraldine?

00:47:25Oh, no, thank you.

00:47:26Oh, and I'd like to tell you again how much I admired your conduct yesterday.

00:47:31It was nightly, Mr. Edwards.

00:47:34Worth nothing much, or less to speak of.

00:47:37And I'd like to ask a very great favor of you, Mr. Edwards.

00:47:41Why, sure.

00:47:42What is it?

00:47:43Well, I wonder if I could have your hat, the one with the bullet hole in it.

00:47:48I should like to preserve it.

00:47:50Why, of course you can have it.

00:47:51I can't wear it no more, no way.

00:47:53Oh, well, do come and see me.

00:47:57You don't have to wait for the usual Wednesday night, do you?

00:48:01No, I don't reckon I do.

00:48:04I'll come by tonight and set a spell.

00:48:06That is, if it's all right with you.

00:48:08And I'll bring the hat.

00:48:10Oh, thank you.

00:48:11Well, how are you, Mr. Edwards?

00:48:13How are you?

00:48:15Goodbye, Miss Geraldine.

00:48:40Granny's, it's a fine morning.

00:48:42Mighty funny when the feller don't know when he's well off and goes and sticks his head into matrimony, ain't

00:48:48it?

00:48:48Have you popped the question yet, Lump?

00:48:50Well, that's the part that's got me stuck.

00:48:53He can dodge bullets, and yet he's afraid to ask a lady to marry him.

00:48:57Well, he might be right about that, Margie.

00:49:00That getting married is awful dangerous business nowadays.

00:49:04Uh, uh, how's Skyrocket, Margie?

00:49:08Oh, that's what I came to tell you.

00:49:10I entered him in the county sweepstakes today in your name.

00:49:13Well, good for you.

00:49:14Oh, no, Squire Frost at the mouth.

00:49:18You sure Cedric ain't gonna be too heavy for him?

00:49:21I don't think so.

00:49:22He ran a mile in 142 this morning with Cedric up.

00:49:25142?

00:49:28Doggy, that's faster than Brown Bess ever, Ronnie.

00:49:31Why, sure.

00:49:32Is he still bulking?

00:49:33Oh, once in a while.

00:49:35But he's getting used to Cedric, and I think he'll start all right.

00:49:38Isn't that your ring?

00:49:40I don't know one ever paid no attention.

00:49:42Of course it was.

00:49:43Go on, answer the phone.

00:49:47What you waiting on?

00:49:48I'm looking for my spectacle.

00:49:50You're on your forehead.

00:49:53Don't need glasses to answer the telephone no way.

00:49:56Got to see who I'm talking to, don't I?

00:49:59Hello?

00:50:01Hello?

00:50:03My doggy, must have hung up.

00:50:07Hey, what's going on here?

00:50:10What's that, a grocery order loan?

00:50:11No, I want to read you something.

00:50:13Now, no laughing.

00:50:15This is serious business.

00:50:16It wouldn't be a proposal, would it?

00:50:19How'd you know that?

00:50:21Listen to this.

00:50:22See how you like it.

00:50:26He's exaggerating.

00:50:26My love for you is strong and true.

00:50:30It'll last as long as the skies are blue.

00:50:35Will you be kind and share my life?

00:50:38In short, will you become my wife?

00:50:42Signed, Lum Eddard's proprietor of the Jot'Em Down store, Pine Ridge, Arkansas.

00:50:46So, why, Lum, that's very sweet.

00:50:49Did you like it sure enough?

00:50:51Now, Granny's, I set up all night last night writing it.

00:50:54But the question is, how am I going to get a tour?

00:50:56Well, why don't you go out and hand it to her yourself?

00:50:58And stand there and watch her read it?

00:51:00Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

00:51:02Well, then why not to...

00:51:04Don't be looking at me.

00:51:05I ain't no Cupid.

00:51:06Uh, wait a minute, Abner.

00:51:08Wait a minute.

00:51:09It ain't no use to argue with me now, though.

00:51:11I ain't going to do it now.

00:51:13Wait a minute, Abner.

00:51:14Granny, after all I've did for you.

00:51:17Set up with you when you had the monks,

00:51:19lent you money when you was a-needin'.

00:51:21Why, Abner Peabody, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

00:51:25All right, Dad, blame it.

00:51:27I'll hand it to her.

00:51:28Give it to me.

00:51:29Well, wait a minute.

00:51:30Let's see if she's gone home yet.

00:51:31She may still be down on the street.

00:51:33Oh, yeah.

00:51:39Now, doggy, I got to get that whole thing.

00:51:43By the way, how are the new glasses standing out?

00:51:45Oh, I think we're getting used to them.

00:51:47Sort of gradual.

00:51:49Yeah, our eyes have been burning.

00:51:51We've been having some awful bad headaches,

00:51:53but that just shows how bad we was needin' them.

00:51:55Yeah, I believe eventually I can see

00:51:57Mark and I as good with these

00:51:59as I did with my old ones.

00:52:00Wait a minute, Abner.

00:52:01The honor's Miss Geraldine now.

00:52:04Where?

00:52:05Standing right out there.

00:52:07Er, over in front of the millinery store.

00:52:10Oh, oh, yeah.

00:52:11Yeah, I see her.

00:52:13Here, take this note on over there

00:52:14and give it to her right now.

00:52:15Why, no, what do you want me to tell her?

00:52:17Why, just tell her it's with the compliments of Mr. Edwards.

00:52:20Yeah, yeah.

00:52:21All right.

00:52:22Whoa, whoa, boy.

00:52:23Whoa, whoa, whoa, boy.

00:52:24Whoa.

00:52:24Well, he'll deliver the note all right.

00:52:27Here, I expect I'd better get back in the store.

00:52:29I don't want Miss Geraldine to see me stand out here watchin'.

00:52:34Good morning, Geraldine.

00:52:35Oh, I forgot something.

00:52:44Mom.

00:52:45Huh?

00:52:45Look who's standing there now where Miss Geraldine was.

00:52:48Oh, my goodness.

00:52:50Well, she'll be back out until...

00:52:52You don't reckon Abner'd...

00:52:53With those glasses on?

00:52:54Oh, my goodness.

00:52:55Wait a minute, Abner.

00:52:56Abner, Abner.

00:52:58Oh, wait a minute.

00:52:59I got something here for you.

00:53:01He said to tell you what the compliments of law matters.

00:53:04Wait a minute, Abner.

00:53:04Now, don't say a word to you, idiot.

00:53:09Abner, Abner.

00:53:10Wait a minute.

00:53:11Wait a minute.

00:53:11Give me that note.

00:53:12Mom, darling.

00:53:13You've made me the happiest woman in the world.

00:53:16All right, doggies.

00:53:17How did this happen?

00:53:18You crazy!

00:53:21Oh, my goodness.

00:53:23All right, Grannies.

00:53:38this'll settle any arguments about where the middle of the store's at.

00:53:42Lomb, do we have to go through all this again

00:53:45just on account of a little bad eyesight?

00:53:49I'd rather not discuss it with you, Mr. Peabody.

00:53:52You've ruined my life. That's what you did.

00:53:54Ruined my life.

00:53:55Well, I never meant...

00:53:56I've got my half the dry goods on this side of the store,

00:53:59and you've got your half the groceries over there.

00:54:01The store's equal divided now,

00:54:03and I'll appreciate it if you'll stay on your own side.

00:54:06Uh-oh. Right over this way.

00:54:07Hey, Peabody sells it for less.

00:54:09Better's for better merchandise.

00:54:10Bananas, 25 cents a dozen.

00:54:12Two dozen per quarter.

00:54:13Three dozen per quarter.

00:54:14Four dozen.

00:54:15Five dozen.

00:54:16Wait a minute.

00:54:17I don't want any bananas.

00:54:18So you've divided the store again, have you?

00:54:20Yes, sir.

00:54:21Divided her up, Jage.

00:54:23Well, I've come to see Lomb,

00:54:24so I might as well get on his side of the store.

00:54:28How long is this you're going to last, Lomb?

00:54:30Granny's hit spinal this time, Jage.

00:54:32I ain't having no more dealings with him.

00:54:34Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

00:54:36That's what I've got to say to you

00:54:38isn't going to make you feel any better.

00:54:40It ain't, huh?

00:54:41I'm afraid the widow's got a mighty strong

00:54:44breach of promise case against you.

00:54:46Wait a minute.

00:54:47Come over here, Jage.

00:54:48He's got ears like a donkey.

00:54:50My doggy, that's a heap better than being one.

00:54:53I'm afraid if you don't marry her,

00:54:56she can take everything you've got.

00:54:58Granny's, ain't there no way out of it at all, Jage?

00:55:01Judge, there's one chance.

00:55:03That is, she'll give us back that note.

00:55:06That's the only evidence she has against you.

00:55:09See if you can't get that note back, Jage.

00:55:11I'm going down to see her now.

00:55:13But you know the widow better than I do.

00:55:16Hello, Judge Aikens.

00:55:17Hello, Marjorie.

00:55:18Right over this way.

00:55:19Lord Price is in town.

00:55:21Right over this way.

00:55:22Oh, come in, Marjorie.

00:55:24Granny's, I'm glad you come in.

00:55:26What's the matter, Lomb?

00:55:28Oh, I just had a talk with Judge Aikens.

00:55:30He says the widow Abernathy's got an awful good

00:55:33breach of promise case against me.

00:55:35Lomb, Edward, you need a guardian.

00:55:37And you know whose fault it was.

00:55:38Lomb, Edward, give me those glasses.

00:55:40Wait a minute.

00:55:40What are you going to do with them?

00:55:42I'll show you.

00:55:44Come on over here in the goods store, Marjorie.

00:55:46Give me these new glasses, Edward.

00:55:47Well, wait a minute.

00:55:48I'm just getting used to them.

00:55:49Come on.

00:55:49There's nothing wrong with your old ones.

00:55:51Well, now, be careful with them.

00:55:52I'll be careful, all right.

00:55:53You two get in enough trouble

00:55:55without having these glasses to help you.

00:55:57Why, that's willful destruction of property.

00:56:00I know it is.

00:56:01Well, uh-oh.

00:56:03Run away this way, Squire.

00:56:04Lower price it in town.

00:56:06Don't go over there to get skin, Squire.

00:56:08Come over here.

00:56:09Now, you two stop this right now.

00:56:10Do you hear?

00:56:11Oh, faddle, faddle.

00:56:12All grocers have priced over here, Squire.

00:56:15Well, it looks like I might make some right smart bargains here today.

00:56:19Yeah, what can I do for you?

00:56:20Yeah, but that ain't what's on my mind, Lum.

00:56:22I'm representing the Widow Abernathy

00:56:24in that little matter of your contract of matrimony.

00:56:28Well, what are you doing sticking your nose in this?

00:56:30You ain't no lawyer.

00:56:32Nevertheless, the Widow Abernathy has asked me to represent her interest.

00:56:35I don't want to marry her, though.

00:56:37The whole thing's a mistake, Squire.

00:56:39You'll marry Mrs. Abernathy on Saturday night

00:56:41or take the consequences.

00:56:44And that'll be two decisions you'll lose on Saturday.

00:56:47What do you mean by that?

00:56:48When Brown Bess beats that naggy whores,

00:56:51you'll realize what a fool you were

00:56:53entering him in the county sweepstakes.

00:56:55I wouldn't be too sure of that, Uncle.

00:56:57He's a balker.

00:56:59He'll never get off of the starting line.

00:57:01Oh, he'll start all right.

00:57:02Hey, fine niece, you are training a horse to beat Brown Bess.

00:57:07What do you know about horses, anyway?

00:57:08Well, she knows a heap more than you do, Squire.

00:57:11My grannies, I'll back her judgment again yearning any day.

00:57:15You will, eh?

00:57:16How much are you backing for?

00:57:18Well...

00:57:18You're not going to bet, are you, Mom?

00:57:20Hmm.

00:57:21Just as I thought.

00:57:22You're full of big talk,

00:57:24but when it comes right down to backing your horse, you're...

00:57:26So that's what you come over here for, huh?

00:57:29Always looking for a sure thing, ain't you?

00:57:31Well, you ain't got one this time.

00:57:33I'll tell you what I'll do, Squire.

00:57:35If you really want to bet,

00:57:37I'll bet you my half of the store here

00:57:39again $1,000 that Skyrocket beats Brown Bess.

00:57:42Well, Lum, you wouldn't do that.

00:57:43Keep still.

00:57:44That's a bit, Edward.

00:57:45Shake on it.

00:57:45Don't do it, Lum.

00:57:47When this half of the store is mine,

00:57:49I can fix it up and make something out of this hodgepodge.

00:57:53Just a minute, Squire.

00:57:55You're so all-faring smart

00:57:58and care to think so much

00:58:00of that bad-blamed hay burner of yours.

00:58:03How would you like to make a real bet on that race?

00:58:06What do you mean, a real bet?

00:58:09I'll bet you my half of the store

00:58:12again you sending Margie

00:58:14to that art institution she's been wanting to go to.

00:58:17You were bluffing, Peabody.

00:58:18You think I won't call you.

00:58:20But here's where you lose.

00:58:22I'll take that little bet, too.

00:58:25My doggies, you made a deal.

00:58:28Well, good day, gentlemen.

00:58:31Have the keys ready.

00:58:32I'll be in to take possession on Monday morning.

00:58:37Good for you.

00:58:39Well, now you've done it.

00:58:41I declare I think you're both crazy.

00:58:44Of course we're crazy.

00:58:45You got no business associating with us?

00:58:47No way.

00:58:47Why don't you go on away and leave us alone?

00:58:50Alone?

00:58:52Well, for once, I think he's right.

00:58:55What do you hang around down here for?

00:58:58Why don't you go on home

00:58:59and cramp yourself up

00:59:01and get you a bowl like a young girl or two?

00:59:04I've got to go, Abner.

00:59:06I've got two of them.

00:59:08And I think they're both pretty grand.

00:59:10But if you two think you can get rid of me

00:59:12as easy as this

00:59:13just because my uncle got mad at me,

00:59:15then you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

00:59:16Oh, Abner ain't ashamed of nothing.

00:59:19He ain't got sense enough.

00:59:20Just because I get mad and make a silly bet,

00:59:23he thinks he's got to do the same thing.

00:59:25You think you're the only one

00:59:26that can stand up to Squire Skimp, huh?

00:59:29I think you were both pretty grand.

00:59:31Didn't make sense that I was proud of you.

00:59:33Now, Granny's Abner did call the Squire's bluff, didn't he?

00:59:37Well, if anybody around here

00:59:39is going to pick on Lomb,

00:59:40it's going to be me,

00:59:42not Squire Skimp.

00:59:43Hooray for the three musketeers.

00:59:45All right, Granny,

00:59:46let's get this rope out of the way.

00:59:48Body can't get from one side

00:59:49of the store to the other.

00:59:50No?

00:59:52Well, more than likely,

00:59:53we won't have a store after Saturday,

00:59:55no way.

00:59:55Might as well be partners

00:59:57as long as we can.

01:00:04Step right this way, folks,

01:00:05and solve the secret

01:00:06of that crystal maze.

01:00:08Hello, Cedric, my boy.

01:00:10Why don't you go in

01:00:12and see the show?

01:00:12Oh, I ain't got no money.

01:00:15Well, I think that could be remedied.

01:00:17Here you are, my son.

01:00:20Do you reckon I'll have time?

01:00:22Why, of course, my boy.

01:00:24It's an hour yet before post time.

01:00:27Watch your lights, Squire.

01:00:28It's all right, Cedric.

01:00:30All right, right this way, folks.

01:00:32All right, step this way.

01:00:33One dime, ten cents,

01:00:35tenth part of a dollar.

01:00:43What you looking so digested

01:00:44about, Skyrocket?

01:00:47Granny's, I wish there's some way

01:00:48I could tell him

01:00:49what he's carrying on his back today.

01:00:51Well, I don't see why you can't.

01:00:52Brown Beth always understood me.

01:00:54Well, why don't we go talk to her, then?

01:00:56What are we waiting on?

01:00:59Listen, Bessie,

01:01:01do you think there's some way

01:01:01that you could manage to fall down

01:01:03or something without hurting yourself?

01:01:05Your mistress would appreciate it

01:01:07if you could.

01:01:07I reckon you're out of luck today,

01:01:09Miss Marjorie.

01:01:10She sure isn't a fine fellow.

01:01:13She's in the pink.

01:01:14I reckon where Cedric's at.

01:01:16How much more time we got?

01:01:19Almost an hour.

01:01:20You ain't saw him, have you, Squire?

01:01:21Yeah, he was over that way

01:01:22a little while ago.

01:01:24Well, it's a good thing

01:01:24we put Abner's name down

01:01:25as alternate writer

01:01:26in the entry blank.

01:01:27Well, that's the trouble.

01:01:28Abner ain't here neither.

01:01:30And he's he ordered

01:01:30left Pine Ridge two hours ago.

01:01:32I'm afraid Mr. Peabody

01:01:34is temporarily detained.

01:01:35I find that Skyrocket

01:01:37did come from the William Stock Farm.

01:01:39Those gypsies stole him.

01:01:41And, of course,

01:01:41when they were looking for him,

01:01:42they had to take action

01:01:43when they found him

01:01:44in Abner's position.

01:01:46Well, I'll be dead blamed.

01:01:47Well, I might have known

01:01:48you'd figure out some way

01:01:49to horn Swaggler.

01:01:50You put Abner in jail.

01:01:52And I'll bet you done

01:01:53something with Cedric, too,

01:01:54so he couldn't get here.

01:01:55Well, maybe you'd better

01:01:56go after Abner.

01:01:57Maybe you can talk

01:01:58the sheriff

01:01:58into letting him out somehow.

01:01:59Well, sheriff,

01:02:00I've told you

01:02:01a thousand or a hundred times

01:02:03I ain't guilty.

01:02:04Well, maybe so.

01:02:05You know, Abner,

01:02:06I'm kind of sorry

01:02:06to see you in here

01:02:07even if you didn't vote for me.

01:02:09I voted for you.

01:02:11I might have put it

01:02:12in the wrong box,

01:02:13but I voted for you.

01:02:15Now, can I get out?

01:02:17Well, if you voted for me,

01:02:18you want to see me

01:02:19do my duty, don't you?

01:02:21Yeah, I reckon I do, sheriff.

01:02:23Yeah, yeah, I do.

01:02:26Hey, sheriff,

01:02:27when are you going

01:02:27to let us out of here?

01:02:28Oh, in a week or two, maybe.

01:02:30Hobos ain't some popular

01:02:31in these parts.

01:02:33Well, here, sheriff,

01:02:34you ain't going to leave me

01:02:35back here by myself,

01:02:37are you?

01:02:38Hey, Bill,

01:02:39that sheriff wouldn't rest

01:02:40so easy if he knew

01:02:41how bad we was wanted

01:02:42in a couple of places, huh?

01:02:43Which bank job

01:02:44are you referring to, Joe?

01:02:45Let's see.

01:02:46There's that hundred grand

01:02:47to be knocked off

01:02:48in St. Louis.

01:02:48How about those bonds

01:02:50in K.C.?

01:02:51Oh, well, could I help that?

01:02:52That bank messenger

01:02:53had the nerve

01:02:54to walk right past me,

01:02:55just like picking daisies.

01:02:58What they got you for, son?

01:02:59Playing hooky?

01:03:01Huh?

01:03:01Probably stole

01:03:02some kid's marbles.

01:03:04Hey, doggie,

01:03:05you fellas don't know

01:03:06who you're talking to,

01:03:07do you?

01:03:08No.

01:03:09Horse thief Peabody's my name.

01:03:11I'm a horse thief, honest.

01:03:13I bet you I stole

01:03:14a thousand head of horses

01:03:17during my time.

01:03:18That's a pretty tough,

01:03:19ragged old-timer.

01:03:20Tough?

01:03:21That's the toughest

01:03:22deal in the head, bud.

01:03:25But I bet you through now,

01:03:26ain't you?

01:03:27I ain't never gonna quit.

01:03:31Come here.

01:03:32Yeah?

01:03:34If I ever get out of here,

01:03:36I'm gonna steal sea biscuits.

01:03:38Sea biscuit.

01:03:39I'm gonna do it.

01:03:41Yes, sir.

01:03:42I-I-I done a train job

01:03:44not long ago, too.

01:03:46Train, mama?

01:03:47I sort of messed it up,

01:03:48but I done it.

01:03:49Uh, tell us some more

01:03:50about that horse stealing, mister.

01:03:52Oh, ho, ho.

01:03:53Well, there weren't much to it.

01:03:55We used to steal them

01:03:57from the Indians.

01:03:58And, of course,

01:03:58we'd have to shoot

01:03:59about 15 or 20 braids

01:04:01every time we done it.

01:04:02And we'd take them

01:04:03down in Oklahoma

01:04:04and sell them.

01:04:05Oh.

01:04:06Clean profit.

01:04:07Say, I used to live in Tulsa.

01:04:09Did you ever operate

01:04:09down around there much?

01:04:10Tulsa, no.

01:04:12Oh, I've heard of it,

01:04:13but we stayed out

01:04:14on the plains

01:04:15most of the time.

01:04:16Uh-huh.

01:04:16Let's see.

01:04:17Tulsa, Oklahoma.

01:04:18Yeah.

01:04:19Oh, it seems like

01:04:20I used to know

01:04:21somebody that moved

01:04:22to Tulsa.

01:04:24Let me see now.

01:04:25Who was that?

01:04:27Yeah, but we gotta

01:04:28get him out, Sheriff.

01:04:30I'm sorry,

01:04:31Lama can't do it.

01:04:32Unless you got

01:04:33$5,000 bail to put up.

01:04:35Well, can't I even see him?

01:04:37Why, sure.

01:04:38I'll bring him right up.

01:04:40Wait a minute.

01:04:40Here's your key, Sheriff.

01:04:42Oh.

01:04:45I'm proud I'll run into you.

01:04:47My doggy,

01:04:48that gives me a great idea.

01:04:49Wait a minute.

01:04:50Wait a minute.

01:04:50I hear somebody coming.

01:04:51More than likely

01:04:52that partner of mine.

01:04:53He's the one I was telling you

01:04:54about that kill-setting bull.

01:04:56Plum wants to talk to you.

01:04:58Hey, Sheriff.

01:04:59When are you going to

01:04:59give me my shooting arms?

01:05:01I feel plumb undressed

01:05:02without him.

01:05:03What's the matter

01:05:04with you, Abner?

01:05:05Tell him how mean I am.

01:05:06You tell him.

01:05:07Oh, trying to make me talk, huh?

01:05:10You fellas keep on practicing.

01:05:12Maybe someday

01:05:13you'll get as mean as me

01:05:14and get sent

01:05:15to the state penitentiary

01:05:16instead of a little

01:05:17country jail like this.

01:05:20I'm glad we have these bars

01:05:22between us and him.

01:05:24Yeah.

01:05:24Tough character.

01:05:27For two cents,

01:05:28I'd have broke out

01:05:29of this birdcage.

01:05:30You know that,

01:05:30don't you, kid?

01:05:31Abner,

01:05:32you've got to ride

01:05:32Skyrocket.

01:05:33Skyrocket?

01:05:34Cedric ain't showed up yet.

01:05:36Mom,

01:05:36I can't be riding

01:05:37no horses.

01:05:38I'm too busy

01:05:39stealing them.

01:05:40Oh, for goodness sakes,

01:05:41cut out that foolishness now.

01:05:42If I don't get you

01:05:43back in time,

01:05:44Margie's gonna lose

01:05:45her schooling

01:05:45and me and you

01:05:46ain't gonna have

01:05:46no store no more.

01:05:48Huh?

01:05:48Sheriff, ain't there

01:05:49some way you could

01:05:49lend him to me

01:05:50for an hour or two?

01:05:51Sorry, I can't do her.

01:05:53It's according to law.

01:05:54No, I voted for him,

01:05:55He's got to do his duty.

01:05:57Come on, lock me up.

01:05:58Wait a minute.

01:05:59Who's that coming up,

01:06:00Al Cummler?

01:06:00Where?

01:06:01Somebody after Abner,

01:06:02I'll balance you.

01:06:03No, I guess maybe

01:06:03it's my warmer.

01:06:06There's the fire alarm.

01:06:07I don't see nobody.

01:06:10Well, wait a minute, Lon.

01:06:11I can't go

01:06:12with you.

01:06:13I've got to stay

01:06:13here in jail.

01:06:14I'm a desperate radio.

01:06:18Hurry up!

01:06:19Get going.

01:06:20Where to, Sheriff?

01:06:21To the fire ground.

01:06:22Yeah, the fire ground.

01:06:24Stop over to the butcher shop

01:06:25and pick up Elmer and Oliver.

01:06:26Hurry up!

01:06:31Better take your coat off,

01:06:32Abner.

01:06:33What fair?

01:06:34Sure you can put on

01:06:35that jockey outfit.

01:06:36I don't need

01:06:37those jockey outfits

01:06:38to ride a fire truck.

01:06:39Oh, come on.

01:06:40Take off your coat.

01:06:41Well, love,

01:06:41lock.

01:06:42Help, help,

01:06:43lock, grab me, lock.

01:06:44Here, help, help, lock.

01:06:46Here.

01:06:56Hurry up.

01:06:57We're getting

01:06:57my night

01:06:58of the fairground.

01:06:59Well, I'll have to hurry.

01:07:01Here, take off

01:07:02that hat.

01:07:03Huh?

01:07:03Oh, yeah.

01:07:04Yeah, that's a good idea.

01:07:06Whee!

01:07:07Whee!

01:07:08Huh?

01:07:09Put this cap on.

01:07:11Well, I love folks

01:07:11are going to think

01:07:12I'm crazy

01:07:13wearing an outfit

01:07:14like this so far.

01:07:20Close time

01:07:20and two minutes,

01:07:21Miss Marjorie.

01:07:22Please give us

01:07:22as much time

01:07:23as you can,

01:07:23Mr. Brannigan.

01:07:24I'm sure

01:07:25they'll be here

01:07:25any minute now.

01:07:26I insist

01:07:27that this race

01:07:28be started

01:07:29on time, Brannigan.

01:07:31There's the thoroughbred.

01:07:32I don't see no smoke.

01:07:33Oh, it's under

01:07:34the grandstand,

01:07:35I think, Chief.

01:07:36Under the grandstand.

01:07:40All right, boys,

01:07:40get ready.

01:07:41Wait a minute.

01:07:47The race is over here.

01:07:49I don't care about that.

01:07:50Where's the bar?

01:07:51There ain't no bar.

01:07:52Well, you told the bar,

01:07:53Chief, he was.

01:07:54Never mind that now.

01:07:55Come on.

01:07:55Get on this for him.

01:07:56Here he is,

01:07:57Mr. Brannigan.

01:07:59Come on, Everton.

01:07:59Get on there, quick.

01:08:00Whoa.

01:08:01Bad blame that

01:08:02Cedric wheat hunt.

01:08:03If I ever catch him,

01:08:04I'll whop him

01:08:05right on top of the head.

01:08:09Recollect,

01:08:09you both got to

01:08:10come in together

01:08:10in order to win.

01:08:14There they go.

01:08:16Brown Vets is going to front.

01:08:18Hezekiah is second.

01:08:19And there's Skyrocket,

01:08:20left at the post.

01:08:23He won't go, Rob.

01:08:24He won't go.

01:08:27He started.

01:08:28He started.

01:08:28There he goes.

01:08:29It's Brown Vets

01:08:30for half a length.

01:08:31Hezekiah is second.

01:08:32Invincible is third.

01:08:34Wheelwright is fourth.

01:08:35Lancelot is fifth.

01:08:37And Skyrocket.

01:08:38I'm sure you like

01:08:38to see this race.

01:08:39But we've got to

01:08:40find the bar first.

01:08:41I'd still like

01:08:42to see the race.

01:08:43Half to half.

01:08:44His Brown Vets

01:08:45by a length.

01:08:46Hezekiah is second.

01:08:47But three lengths.

01:08:48Invincible is third.

01:08:49Wheelwright is fourth.

01:08:50Lancelot is fifth.

01:08:52And Skyrocket.

01:08:53I guess so.

01:08:54Or something.

01:08:54What's that, Sheriff?

01:08:55That partner of yours

01:08:56belongs back in jail.

01:08:58Well, the honor he is.

01:08:59Go get him.

01:09:00Right in Skyrocket.

01:09:02Come on, Skyrocket.

01:09:03Come on, Skyrocket.

01:09:04Come on, Skyrocket.

01:09:06On the back stretch.

01:09:08It's Brown Vets

01:09:08still leading by a length.

01:09:09Hezekiah is second by head.

01:09:11Invincible is third by a length.

01:09:12Lancelot is fourth.

01:09:14And Skyrocket is waking up

01:09:15but still last.

01:09:17Now he's passing Wheelwright.

01:09:18He's passing Lancelot.

01:09:20Around the far turn.

01:09:21Brown Vets is still in front.

01:09:23Hezekiah is second.

01:09:24And here comes Skyrocket

01:09:25moving fast.

01:09:26He's passed Invincible.

01:09:28He's passed Hezekiah.

01:09:29Here he comes He's challenging

01:09:31Brown Vets.

01:09:32It's Brown Vets and Skyrocket.

01:09:33They're neck and neck.

01:09:34It's Brown Vets and Skyrocket.

01:09:36Head to head.

01:09:36It's Brown Vets and Skyrocket.

01:09:38It's Brown Vets and Skyrocket.

01:09:39It's awful close, folks.

01:09:41It's awful close.

01:09:42I wonder who won that race.

01:09:44Skyrocket wins by an old.

01:09:47One, two, one.

01:09:49Skyrocket wins.

01:09:50Woo!

01:09:50Go!

01:09:52Go!

01:09:54Go!

01:09:58I'm proud of you.

01:10:00I'm proud of you.

01:10:01I'm proud of you.

01:10:02Oh, for both.

01:10:04I might not hold him in

01:10:05a little too much,

01:10:06a subpoena.

01:10:07Well, you win it.

01:10:08That's the mean thing.

01:10:10Happener Peabody,

01:10:11IRS chief for horse-stealing,

01:10:13jail-breaking,

01:10:13and hitch-hiking

01:10:14on a fire engine.

01:10:17Come here, Sheriff.

01:10:23Oh, is that a fact?

01:10:25You got him locked up

01:10:26very now.

01:10:27Well, maybe.

01:10:28Just the same,

01:10:29you got to go back to jail.

01:10:31Oh, Sheriff.

01:10:32You can't let them

01:10:33take Adams' jail.

01:10:34At least I'd like to brag

01:10:36about what a good loser

01:10:37you are.

01:10:38Sheriff,

01:10:38I'll be responsible for him.

01:10:40What was your...

01:10:41Oh, this little matter

01:10:42can be cleared up.

01:10:44Well,

01:10:45if you look at it

01:10:46that-a-way, Squire.

01:10:48Well, good for you, Squire.

01:10:50Well,

01:10:51I could hardly let him

01:10:52go back to jail,

01:10:53seeing he's got to be

01:10:54best man at a wedding tonight.

01:10:57What wedding?

01:10:59Oh.

01:11:00Did you have to

01:11:01remind me of that?

01:11:09Well,

01:11:09can't see a thing.

01:11:11Well,

01:11:12I reckon we'd better

01:11:12give it up for tonight.

01:11:14Yeah.

01:11:14We'll get a fresh start

01:11:15in the morning.

01:11:16Yeah.

01:11:17You can see a fire

01:11:18a lot cleaner

01:11:18in the daylight.

01:11:19Uh-huh.

01:11:49Mr. Edwards.

01:11:54Lord, I've had more sense

01:11:55than you got yourself

01:11:56into this trouble.

01:11:58Yeah.

01:11:59Right over here,

01:12:00love.

01:12:09Friends,

01:12:10we are gathered here today

01:12:11to-

01:12:12Can't you skip part of this

01:12:13and get it over quick?

01:12:14You bet I can.

01:12:16Thank you, Judge.

01:12:18And if any man

01:12:18can show just cause

01:12:20why this couple

01:12:21should not be joined

01:12:22in wedlock,

01:12:24let him now speak

01:12:25or forever hold his peace.

01:12:29I now-

01:12:30I picked.

01:12:31Yes.

01:12:32What?

01:12:32I said, uh,

01:12:34object.

01:12:34On what grounds

01:12:35do you interrupt

01:12:36this ceremony?

01:12:38Why, uh,

01:12:40I had some reason

01:12:41stood there

01:12:42for a while ago, uh,

01:12:43oh, he's too young

01:12:45to know his own mind.

01:12:48Objection overruled.

01:12:50Now, wait a minute.

01:12:51Are you tying

01:12:52a knot here

01:12:53or is he doing

01:12:53the hitching?

01:12:54Uh-huh.

01:12:55Well, go ahead.

01:12:57You may proceed, Judge.

01:12:59Well, are there any

01:13:00other just causes?

01:13:01Well, I-I-I

01:13:03sort of object myself.

01:13:05You?

01:13:06Well, this is all

01:13:06very irregular,

01:13:08I must say.

01:13:09Don't pay any attention

01:13:09to them.

01:13:10Just go on

01:13:10with the whipping.

01:13:11I now-

01:13:12Just a minute, Judge.

01:13:15Am I too late?

01:13:16Oh, just in time, Sheriff.

01:13:19Joseph!

01:13:22Joseph!

01:13:23Oh, my God!

01:13:25Oh, my God!

01:13:27She can't marry long.

01:13:29There's her

01:13:29illegal wedded

01:13:30husband right there.

01:13:31He run off

01:13:32and left her

01:13:33and she's been

01:13:34telling him around

01:13:35that he's dead.

01:13:36Well, someone

01:13:37said he was.

01:13:38In view of this

01:13:39unfortunate circumstance,

01:13:41I think we can

01:13:42consider this, uh,

01:13:44wedding postponed.

01:13:46Postponed?

01:13:47I granted

01:13:48it's canceled.

01:13:50Yeah.

01:13:53And so saying,

01:13:54Sir Galahad,

01:13:55with a thrust

01:13:56of his lance,

01:13:57unhorsed his opponent.

01:14:00Wasn't he

01:14:00just wonderful?

01:14:02Yeah, I reckon so.

01:14:04Only thing, uh,

01:14:06it don't work out

01:14:07that way nowadays.

01:14:09But you just don't

01:14:10get no chance

01:14:10to be a hero.

01:14:12Oh, you're just

01:14:13too modest,

01:14:14Mr. Edwards.

01:14:15But, of course,

01:14:16all heroes are.

01:14:18Do you really

01:14:19think so?

01:14:20Mm-hmm.

01:14:20Well, if you do,

01:14:21there's something

01:14:23I wanted to ask you.

01:14:25Yes, Mr. Edwards?

01:14:27Well, you see,

01:14:30that is,

01:14:32I thought maybe,

01:14:34well, maybe me

01:14:35and you...

01:14:40Oh.

01:14:43Granted,

01:14:44it's 10 o'clock.

01:14:45Yes, 10 o'clock.

01:14:48We're getting to be

01:14:49a couple of night owls,

01:14:50ain't we?

01:14:52Well, good night,

01:14:53Miss Geraldine.

01:14:54And good night,

01:14:55Sir Galahad.

01:14:57Oh.

01:14:59I'll be seeing you

01:15:00Wednesday night,

01:15:01I reckon.

01:15:01Oh, well,

01:15:02couldn't you come over

01:15:03on Saturday?

01:15:06We could...

01:15:08Mr. Edwards,

01:15:10you're always trying

01:15:11to go through

01:15:12that closet door.

01:15:13I know it,

01:15:14I know it,

01:15:14I don't know

01:15:15what's the matter

01:15:15with me anyway.

01:15:17Oh, Mr. Edwards,

01:15:18what were you

01:15:19going to say

01:15:20just before

01:15:2210 o'clock?

01:15:23Oh,

01:15:24why,

01:15:25I was going to ask.

01:15:29I don't recollect

01:15:30what it was

01:15:31right now.

01:15:32Maybe I can think

01:15:33of it by

01:15:34Wednesday night.

01:15:35Good night,

01:15:36Miss Geraldine.

01:16:06Good night.

01:16:11Good night.

Bashful Bachelor (1942) – Lum & Abner Romcom

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