- 2 days ago
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00:01You
00:12This is nice it's giving Queen for a queen
00:18Let's get started man
00:28We've been together for five years it's been the nearest thing to heaven
00:33When I met Kelvin he just tipped all the boxes
00:36After the first date, I thought this girl is the one for me
00:42I think trust is a big issue. I feel unheard. I want her to to be frank with me. We
00:48need to work on
00:49Our loyalty
00:56My name is Karen Doherty. I'm a couple therapist. I've been working in the field for over 20 years
01:02Sit yourselves down you thought you had a really open relationship with no secrets. That's not being the reality. Do
01:09you even find me attractive?
01:10I do think your mom is a big jealous
01:15I don't know
01:16Therapy can be confrontational
01:18Why have you allowed me all this time to make me think that this was a punishment to marriage then
01:22and it can be emotional
01:24This is not okay. I don't want to have kids right now Carmen
01:27I can't I can't
01:29But it's always real
01:30I don't care about this anymore. I'm actually tired
01:34Why is she so irritated? She's hurt
01:37There is some kind of
01:39Boundary that's being crossed and I'm not okay with that. It's about the lie the betrayal of trust absolutely
01:48If I did everything that you did would you stay with me?
01:51Why are you two even together
02:08Do you want to keep this
02:12But I just want to see you
02:18Because I just want to see
02:27I'm not the type of guy that's usually like love struck, but when I saw her I was just kind
02:32of thinking
02:33Damn
02:34Thanks, she looks bad
02:36I think the first thing that made me fall in love
02:39Was the looks. I felt like he's eye candy like
02:43Chef's kiss
02:47Me and Daisy we've been together for three plus years now
02:51The start of the relationship was great you know butterfly stage everything was perfect
02:56So I started to realize back
02:59I love her man
03:04It's always been my dream to have a happy family so I love being a mother
03:08My family is everything to me man, but with daisy when things are good. They're really good
03:14When it's bad is the pits of hell
03:19I know you heard so many times if you're beautiful
03:23It was a mutual decision for us to come to therapy we want to take our relationship to the next
03:28step
03:30The best outcome from this would be for our communication to improve a lot
03:38So
03:38Send jay and daisy up please
03:40Joseph needs to deeply work on himself. He is not somebody that can be criticized criticism to him is hate
03:46You're just hating on me
03:48I can't be with somebody that I feel like likes to argue a lot like I have to think how's
03:53this gonna affect my daughter
03:55I mean she's our priority
03:57Hello hello
03:59Come on in unless joseph
04:02Understands what it is to be a family man. I don't really see this going any further to be honest
04:14How are you i'm good thank you
04:17Okay
04:18How long have you two been together three years counting children?
04:23One yeah one and how old she turned one yesterday yeah literally congratulations thank you
04:30Okay, so why here why now?
04:34The why now because if we don't we're gonna end up not being together
04:39But the why we're here i would say a lot has happened obviously it's our first time being parents
04:47And I feel like i'm just really struggling to forgive him for his lack of support when I first gave
04:53birth
04:54Were you there at the birth?
04:56I was there
04:56Okay
04:57Ooh
04:58I mean as you should be
05:00This is what I don't understand
05:02I did do the best I could and I did what pretty much every dad should be doing
05:07But your best wasn't enough
05:08How wasn't it enough though?
05:09That's the point
05:10It wasn't
05:11How wasn't it?
05:11Come on tell me how wasn't it?
05:13Um literally the day after I gave birth can I have your hand please why
05:18Can I just have your hands?
05:20The day after I gave birth he went to get
05:24This lovely tattoo
05:26Anybody who's had kids you can probably imagine like the day after you give birth you feel like you've been
05:31beaten up
05:31And he thought popping out for a few hours to get a tattoo
05:35Was acceptable even if I hated somebody I wouldn't be brave enough to do that
05:40That is a stretch man
05:41Anyways continue
05:42You're at the hospital they're helping you they're taking care of you
05:45But what makes you think that because that's actually annoying
05:47Yes you do have to lift the finger
05:48This is what she does yeah
05:48She'll make it seem like
05:49Just because there's midwives there that doesn't mean
05:51Please stop interrupting because you get bare vexed when I interrupt you
05:54Answer this one question for me what did I miss out within those four hours that I was gone
05:57Any milestone anything major
06:00You missed out on an opportunity to make me feel supported
06:04So I didn't support you throughout the whole night where I didn't sleep where you were sleeping having fun
06:08Sleeping having fun
06:10Yeah you're resting
06:10I just pushed her out of my front
06:13Yes I understand
06:14What do you mean
06:15Yeah it's a big
06:16It's a big
06:16Me sleeping is not me having fun
06:18Come on what's the theme here you just don't feel like you're supported enough
06:21Yeah
06:23I feel like this guy's done me so dirty
06:26Honestly like
06:27Jay let me just hear
06:28That is bullshit though
06:30That's how that's how Daisy feels
06:32But a feeling is not fact though
06:34It still needs to be heard
06:36Feelings are what have brought you here in the first place
06:38You love each other
06:40So that's how Daisy feels
06:42Come into the present
06:43Is this resentment still live on a daily basis?
06:47100%
06:47It's there because the response is a lack of understanding
06:51That was wrong
06:52Period point blank
06:54And what about you?
06:55Whenever it comes to me doing anything for myself
06:58She brands it as selfish
06:59But I didn't have a baby
07:01I didn't go through anything physically
07:02But you did have a baby
07:03Okay yeah
07:03Okay hold on
07:04This baby you did agree to have it together
07:11My daughter wasn't planned
07:13Okay
07:14And naturally if something's not planned there's contemplation
07:17Like he was quite adamant that he wasn't ready
07:20And I also wasn't ready
07:21But then at some point
07:23It wasn't about me being ready or not
07:25It was just a matter of
07:27My guilty conscience
07:28Okay
07:29So that's the situation
07:34During the process of pregnancy
07:36As much as I was trying not to become attached
07:38I feel like
07:40I just couldn't help but to become attached to her
07:47I just didn't have the heart to
07:51To basically
07:55Sorry
07:56I didn't think I was going to cry
08:02I thought I was a soldier
08:06Um
08:16We were broken up
08:18Daisy calls me
08:19Out of nowhere
08:20And she just basically breaks the news to me on the phone
08:24And tells me she's pregnant
08:25And I didn't really know what to say or do
08:27Because for me it was just like
08:30This timing is just kind of crazy
08:32I was already moving on with my life
08:34I was just trying to
08:35You were out of the relationship
08:37Yeah
08:37Is that what you mean?
08:38I was just trying to do my own thing
08:39Yeah
08:39And I just feel like
08:41She didn't want me to do that
08:42So you think that
08:43I decided to have our daughter
08:48To keep you here
08:50No
08:50Because if that's the case
08:51You can S out right now
08:52That's not what
08:53What are you talking about?
08:54Unless you didn't say that
08:55Let me make that clear
08:56Did I say that?
08:56Because that's actually going to a moment
08:58It could have been heard like that
08:58But I don't think that's what you mean
09:00Exactly
09:00For me
09:01It just felt quite convenient
09:03But what is convenient about
09:06Raising a child of a man you don't like?
09:10What's convenient about that?
09:13Can I just come in here?
09:15You were both very confused
09:16Yeah
09:17An unplanned pregnancy
09:18Not knowing what to do with it
09:20I'm happy about it now
09:21But it was about
09:23How we got there
09:25It's not like you forced me
09:26But
09:27Your actions and how you went about things
09:29It felt like I was put in a box
09:31Hold on, hold on
09:33Why do you think she did that?
09:34Hurt?
09:35Yeah, she was hurt
09:35Rejected?
09:37Probably
09:37Scared?
09:38Maybe
09:39Any of that resonate with you?
09:42Basically
09:43Yeah
09:44How are you feeling hearing all of this?
09:47I want to keep my family together
09:48I want to be with Daisy
09:49Like I love her if I'm being honest
09:50And I love my family
09:52I love everything about them
09:53Don't try and sweeten me up
09:54Do you not feel loved by him?
09:55The thing is I actually do
09:56And this is why I'm just so confused in these situations
10:00Because he will be fantastic
10:02And then when we talk
10:04I'll hear things that I'm so shocked by
10:07Like I didn't know that you felt like that
10:09Because you never listen to when I'm speaking to you
10:11Like whenever I speak to her
10:13She doesn't want to hear it
10:14I just want to ask you a question
10:16If you didn't have a baby
10:18Between you
10:19Would you be together?
10:31Yes
10:34Yeah
10:34I feel like to be honest
10:36Having a child
10:37Makes things harder
10:39I feel like there will be a lot less issues
10:43And less serious issues to address
10:45Yeah
10:45So to be honest
10:46I feel like we would have
10:48Eventually put our differences aside
10:51Do you agree?
10:53Yeah
10:53I do think we would be together
10:56But like
10:56It's about how
10:57You would have gone about
10:58This situation
11:00But now you're in this situation
11:02You're still harking back
11:03To how you got here
11:04Can you hear that?
11:06Yeah
11:06But you're here
11:07Yeah
11:08And you want to be
11:10I love my daughter
11:11Like I want to be around them
11:12And the thought of potentially losing them
11:15Is scary
11:16I don't want that to happen
11:17But every single time
11:19When there's a major decision
11:21That you don't like
11:22You don't seem to ever be open
11:24To speaking about it
11:25And for me that's not nice
11:27Because I feel like
11:29You know I've got a soft heart
11:30And you know that
11:31I've got a soft spot for you
11:32I've got a soft spot for my family
11:34Can I come in here?
11:35Did you hear what he said?
11:37Yeah
11:37I've got a soft spot
11:39Did you hear that?
11:41But he just doesn't feel heard
11:44Okay
11:45Okay guys
11:46You're moving in very polarised positions
11:48And we're going to meet again
11:49And I want you to think about
11:50Actually what would be good?
11:52I feel like Daisy just needs to learn
11:53How to forgive
11:55What do you think?
11:56I feel like at a certain point
11:58You need to
12:01Just believe that
12:02I'm not out to get you
12:04Some of the things you spoke about
12:06As I said
12:06We've never
12:08Spoken about
12:09Yes we have
12:10No no no
12:10I mean in this context
12:12We've never spoken about
12:13Have a think about
12:14The things that have been left out
12:15And that you want to voice
12:16Between now and the next session
12:19Yeah
12:19Thank you both
12:21See you next session
12:22Thank you
12:23Don't want to get it down anymore
12:28Don't want to take it all
12:30Leave it on my door
12:32Sometimes people say
12:34Having a child is a fix for a relationship
12:36It makes things better
12:37That's just not my experience
12:39It's another dynamic
12:40In an already strained dynamic
12:43Jay and Daisy haven't had time
12:45To build trust between themselves
12:47And then this baby
12:48Has caused even more insecurity
12:49And before you can trust another
12:51One has to trust oneself
12:52The only option and trust I got some options
12:59A lot of girls
13:00Look my way
13:01But whenever you call it
13:03Whenever you need it
13:04You know I'll be on my way
13:06So when I pull up
13:08I only come to see my baby
13:10It ain't never too late
13:11It's my statement
13:12I'm saying
13:13It don't matter the time
13:14I'm waiting for you girl
13:16So I choose
13:27Oh, I love this color
13:30I love sofas like this
13:32I love this thing
13:33It's nice
13:34We need one of those at home
13:38Maria is one of a kind
13:40She has a very, very good heart
13:42She's the best person I've ever met
13:44And I've met a lot of people
13:45She's the best person I've ever met
13:48She's the best person I've ever met
13:48I see the vibes
13:49I see the vibes
13:51I see it
13:53Victor is a very, very nice man
13:56He's always been that kind of like
13:58Prince Charming I've always wanted
14:00I'd love to be his wife
14:02Does that not sound good?
14:04Oh, hi guys
14:05I'm Victor's wife
14:06I just want to be the same man
14:08Same man
14:11I like to describe our relationship
14:13A fairytale love
14:14You know, like out of the movies
14:15I was born and raised in Bulgaria and ever since I was a young child I was a
14:21bit misunderstood I didn't really have anyone in my corner growing up or even
14:26friendship groups and now this is just like everything I've wished for basically
14:31I didn't think I could love someone the way I love him but Vector's my top dog bestie
14:36he's my bro through and through right all that
14:42we're madly in love with each other but we're also business partners
14:46we have a couple's channel we're on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, you name it we're on
14:50every single social media platform we work extremely hard we're very much two
14:57peas in a pod and that pod cannot be broken
15:09honestly I actually don't know and that's what brings me here we've been
15:12together for seven years why doesn't he want to get married to me um there's been
15:17a couple years of uncomfortable conversations and grilling when you're
15:22thinking about like I was getting married and these stuff I'm so lucky to have her
15:29so lucky to have met her but I want us to live live a little bit more before we
15:32start thinking about marriage and kids all these stuff
15:42it's Maria and Victor yes yes thank you for having us so how long have you two been together about
15:51seven
15:51years now yeah and yeah been amazing seven years some of the best times of my
15:58life personally yeah so what brings you to therapy today um so I was actually the
16:04one that suggested that Victor and I go to therapy simply because you know we've
16:09been in relationship for so long and it feels like Victor has some sort of
16:14commitment issue and maybe there's something in his mind that's blocking him
16:18that maybe you can help us because I really feel like we need the help oh are
16:21you under duress so you've been brought have you been dragged here so I'm
16:24definitely not here against my world he's very skeptical about therapy actually
16:27oh no he doesn't he doesn't actually think he'll actually help that's not true I
16:32just don't think it is for everyone unless you let it help you let's see how
16:36open you are letting it help you exactly let's see what the fuss is all about let's
16:42see what you got okay so are you married uh no actually that's why we're here
16:48that's why I brought him to therapy ah I don't have a commitment issue I'm very
16:52committed guy to everything that I put my mind to yeah it's just I believe that I
16:57feel happy I think we are happy I'm deeply in love and I don't think even if I get
17:02married tomorrow like I'll give more than what I'm giving right now so let's have a
17:07think about it what does marriage mean for you why why do you want to get
17:11married getting married is my dream I've always wanted to I've seen but what does
17:16it mean what it means to me like the person that you're with loves you so
17:21much that they're willing to commit to you yes being able to when we're signing
17:26down a next of kin or when I'm filling out form to have misses instead of miss
17:32really I don't know it's maybe something that has been embedded in me since I was
17:36like young and stuff like that but it's like I just feel like it's like the
17:40highest level of love that's what I feel highest level of love and a total
17:43commitment yeah okay come in there Victor well what are you thinking because
17:47there's a lot going on on your face so what's what's going through there where
17:51do I even start from um like a marriage for me is just an option it's not
17:56something that I need to do we live in different times now I don't need to get
17:59married to be accepted by society I don't need to have children to be
18:01accepted by society I I hear you except you're in a committed relationship yeah
18:08and you're completely excluding the preferences needs wants desires of your
18:15partner do you feel that he doesn't really take it seriously the relationship
18:20well in 2020 I receive a promise ring from Victor what's that I just bought
18:26her a ring no when he gave he gave it to me on my birthday and said this is my
18:31promise ring to you Maria I did not say that he did I did not say that promise of
18:35what me I took it as a promise of marriage is this the ring you're wearing I got
18:41two yeah I've got two on because he gave me another one in 2024 on my birthday
18:45again I bought her a ring on for her birthday because that's why she'll love
18:49it why have you allowed me all this time to make me think that this was a
18:52promise ring to marriage then makes you happy and that's the most important
18:56thing for you to feel happy so you're misleading me you're leading me on
19:00honestly I believe that these promise rings are most likely sharp rings at this
19:05point that it's just empty promises when did you decide that you were so anti
19:15marriage I'm not anti-marriage I do things for a reason I don't see a reason to get married
19:27no reason to get married yeah okay I personally for me how does that land with you no reason to
19:33get
19:33married that shit hurt my feelings bro what did you say said it hurt my feelings him saying that
19:45there's no reason because we're already happy man it doesn't feel like it's a hundred percent true here and
19:59now that's what I'm trying to say the reasoning behind it is it because it's actually going to
20:03change something between us there's no reason you don't feel like there's a reason to get married
20:08I'm not I'm not a big enough reason for you to want to get married that's crazy can I take
20:15a break
20:17oh my god sorry this guy is so freaking yeah how does that feel
20:32I'm kind of used to it honestly Karen that's my life I've always been misunderstood for being
20:38different let's call it I'm just accepting everyone around me the way they are but no one's accepting
20:44accepting me for who I am people live in the gray and maybe you're a bit black and white about
20:49that
20:49and maybe Maria's are just a little bit more great when we have a disagreement about something that's
20:56when I feel a bit disconnected from her sometimes I realize I'm maybe a bit blunt and straight to the
21:01points but I cannot reprogram myself I'm just different type of guys not for everyone
21:14I'm back okay good how are you feeling I sort of need to know what's going on okay okay yeah
21:25do
21:26you mind if I dig into that a bit he just doesn't want to get married to me clearly and
21:32it just doesn't
21:33make sense what's that what's that gonna change for us let's say we're married how how's tomorrow
21:37gonna look for us are you gonna love me more if we're married are you holding back on some love
21:42is that what you're trying to say what about your family how do they how do they respond to you
21:49to
21:49your couple just set me off again okay okay okay I don't wanna you all right yeah it's been tough
22:02what happened last year I called my mom to say happy Mother's Day to her and basically she didn't
22:10realize that she was on loudspeaker and Victor heard everything what she said was you're giving yourself to
22:17a man that doesn't even want to marry you and it's tough I love my family
22:45and I know with Victor Victor's okay with not talking with his family or not being you know like
22:52close with his family and stuff but I'm a different person what about your relationship with Maria's
23:00family there's not much of that Maria's parents have said previously the day that they do accept
23:08me and love me as a son but I haven't really seen that I'm not really the type of guy
23:13that's too much
23:14into family I just need that one solid person and that's Maria's perfect and I thought that I'll just be
23:21loved and the fact that their daughter is happy with me will just be enough for them but it's not
23:29but it's under condition for them to accept me and really respect me we have to get married we got
23:35to have kids we got to have the house all of these stuff and if these people do not respect
23:38me it's not
23:39going to work these people well family oh yeah her family how do you feel it's a mother looking out
23:46for
23:46their daughter that's how it seems like to me how does that land with you Victor her mom's looking out
23:52for her in the way that she can I totally understand that 100% understand that yeah I just think
23:58they think
23:58I'm not worth it I think I'm not good enough that's fine it doesn't necessarily say that you're not
24:02good enough it might not be about you it's about their system sure their value system their familial
24:09system it's not about you yeah yeah we could look at it that way too so yeah that relationship with
24:18your family you're continually conflicted yeah between one and the other it's like I often feel
24:25like I have to tell Victor one thing and then tell my family another thing another thing say more
24:29about that um Victor it feels very very touchy like of just giving people money you know even for
24:40Christmas like he finds it weird that for Christmas I give my mom money why don't you just buy her
24:44some
24:44but anyway well you see how you think that I'm still paying off my car yeah so she she purchased
24:51a car yeah but instead of taking a loan uh and doing it the whole interesting her mom purchased the
24:57whole amount and now she's just sending her some sort of small amount every single month yeah
25:05I actually finished paying off my car like years ago I'm just sending them money what do you mean
25:14she's been sending your your parents money like that that's serious I really that for years really
25:19that's what we do and you didn't tell me being from a Nigerian background our culture is based around
25:27respect that's just how it is and I try to be as selfless as I can towards my parents and
25:34it's so
25:34frustrating because it's like it's my culture suck it up live with it it's not that deep you're sending
25:40money to your family that does not respect me as a person do you see how you're contradicting yourself
25:44and then you expect me to to to marry you how's that leaving you feeling like a fool it's not
25:52the
25:52money though is it about the delight in keeping something for me for so for so long so it's about
25:57the betrayal of trust absolutely isn't it being torn between the two things that she loves the most
26:05you and her family all it is is symbolic of this big difference but this big problem that you as
26:11a
26:11couple have which is your different values the way that marriage isn't for you and it's absolutely
26:19it's it's a necessity for you so I'm going to leave you with that to think about until the next
26:25session thank you for your time thank you thank you appreciate you
26:36in my experience people withhold because they are frightened they are frightened of not being
26:42accepted you do realize how serious that is sorry leave me alone you get that door for me oh
26:59don't even know that half of it everything won't come out and throw up you I got more shit to
27:02say
27:02I think to a degree we all withhold but it's why maybe we are too ashamed or we feel guilty
27:12if you dig
27:13deep enough you're probably withholding something from your partner
27:40I've always found therapy a little bit does it really help
27:48I'm very good at talking and articulating myself I can be very blunt I'm very direct
27:55what are you doing with us being in therapy I perhaps need to think about how I can communicate
28:02in a way that will land with Michael especially on topics that I know that he's sensitive with
28:07especially money you ask me too many questions go away please all right my only concern is that
28:14Michael might be dismissive of what happens in therapy but at the end of the day he said that
28:20he would give it a chance we met through my work manager and she was like let me set you
28:30off this guy
28:30he's gonna be really good for you she said you seem to fit the mold and I said okay what's
28:35the
28:35mom then she said short funny and Nigerian we've been together for five years it's been the nearest
28:48thing to heaven I'll call it she's very selfless she takes her her role as a mum very seriously yeah
29:00perfect the main issue that we're having in our relationship is Michael's attachment to money I
29:11think that's where we clash heads growing up was really hard financially there was times where there
29:18was no hot water not having enough money to put 10 pound on the electric so having to use candles
29:23overnight stuff that I wouldn't want my children to go through basically after a while that in a child
29:30that was exposed to the lack of money wanted more more things even if I couldn't afford them there was
29:36a lot of expectations and a lot of pressure on becoming something or someone I just thought you
29:43know what I'm just gonna keep buying and spending the best outcome I think I can get from being here
29:49I'll
29:50be able to actually explain and express how I feel hopefully I say hello both so how long have you
30:02two
30:02been together it's been roughly about five years five years yeah okay and children yes we got two um one
30:09together and then Mike has a child from a previous relationship so tell me what did you see in each
30:15other what brought you together I think for me he was just so open from the beginning about who he
30:24was and I think it just allowed us to have so many important conversations very early on and there's
30:32never a time where I don't feel safe so it was just like why am I gonna waste time with
30:37anyone else if I
30:39can see I've got a good thing in front of me how do you feel when she says that it
30:43makes me feel good
30:44I'll be honest with you so what brings you here today we're engaged we want to get married we want
30:52more children we want to get on the property ladder and the financial situation between us is causing some
31:01difficulty in our relationship so do you agree to a certain extent yeah there are some things I would
31:09like to probably express with someone that can actually allow us to express ourselves so can you
31:18tell me what you both do so I'm a teacher and what about you Mike I'm a business banking manager
31:23okay so in
31:26terms of income do you earn basically the same or is there a difference definitely not she earns
31:33twice as much as me twice as much yeah is that an issue and my values is the man earns
31:39the most not
31:40to say that Yasmin's made me feel that way but I think it is ingrained in me yeah it's entrenched
31:45in
31:45you how'd you manage it that must be really difficult for you it's not easy um her earning twice as
31:53much as
31:53me sometimes makes me feel like I not necessarily need to compete but I've obviously gone into debt
31:58and I've it is hard for me because most of my disposable income goes towards debts then that
32:05also shift the dynamic the dynamics and the bill paying and the rent paying in the house as well yeah
32:10so how does that work out so it's so embarrassing to say but she pays basically 70 percent of the
32:16rent
32:18and saying that out loud makes me feel less than makes me feel a little bit this big basically so
32:26do you know how much debt that Mike has at the moment I have an idea of how much it
32:31is but I I don't so
32:33what's your idea of the debt my idea is that it's around six thousand okay is Yasmin's idea of the
32:41debt
32:44accurate no no it's basically doubled you're not serious yeah how can you wait till we come to
33:00here to say that it I don't like the feeling of first of all having debt but I've never ever
33:07given
33:08you reason to not be open and honest with me when it comes to those conversations there's never been
33:14a time where I've judged you on it where I've said anything to make you feel like you can't have
33:18that
33:18conversation with me I'm putting myself in a vulnerable situation where I'm telling you about
33:23my debt and then this is the reaction I'm gonna get which is why I don't want to make it
33:26out like
33:26that because it's not like that when we're at home no when we're at home it's not like that but
33:30it's the
33:35I don't mind doing X Y & Z if it's for us but if it's gonna keep snowballing then it's
33:40not for us
33:41is it because you're not making decisions for us you're making decisions for you hmm and that doesn't
33:46make sense I just don't like being talking to like I'm a child I don't talk about my debt because
33:52I know
33:53I'll get a reaction like this this isn't from this isn't from the debt this is from the fact that
33:58you've
33:58let it snowball I've just been I've had I've made bad financial decisions if we go food shopping I
34:06will buy for everyone and he will go separately and go and buy food for him organic grass-fed meat
34:14organic fruit and veg I think my thing is consistently impulsively buying things that are not necessarily
34:21expensive but over time they mount up yes and that's what it is is buying that is buying the takeaways
34:28sometimes I'm spending anywhere from 50 to 100 pound every other day basically it's buying the
34:33fragrances that I don't necessarily need that I'm not even the name but the way you spend is not
34:37normal because you won't just go out and buy one fragrance you will have like seven delivery you
34:43will have seven deliveries come that's not normal to go and buy seven fragrance no one likes even
34:47that I don't like to be told that I'm not normal I know it's not it's not great is it
34:51it's not ideal
34:52yeah but no one's saying you can't treat yourself why do you need to buy seven why can't you just
34:56say okay
34:56yeah I want that one and that one and then when things when I got a little bit more money
35:00then
35:00I'll go and get that one but that doesn't make sense that's how you've ended up here yeah well
35:05having debt is so embarrassing and it's so hard to talk about all of that ties into what makes
35:11you a man in my personal opinion so you spend the money to sort of treat yourself to look after
35:19you
35:19that's exactly it is that ringing true culture plays a massive part in how I think about money
35:25as well sometimes trying to show that I can be the head of the household or the breadwinner has
35:33obviously set me back a bit as well there's a real contradiction going on here isn't there this is your
35:38culture but in a way Yasmin is setting that aside and she's willing to accept you on a completely
35:45different basis I just have a real anxiety or insecurity about finances and also she hasn't
35:53shown me maybe when we're together basically that she still kind of wants to be here if I didn't want
36:02to be here I wouldn't be here I do feel like the finances have affected our relationship and
36:09I feel like it's affected you and most of what Yasmin has said in this session doesn't back that up
36:16Mike
36:17now that we're here and obviously I said I'm gonna try to be open and honest
36:22so hard um this is the biggest thing I've ever kept from Yasmin we don't ever keep secrets from each
36:29other I remember I told you that I had like a I had a reshuffle at work and
36:39they've been moving people around and all the rest of it but um I've been made redundant
36:48and um it's been two months it's embarrassing to say but literally I'll dress up like I'm going to work
36:58we leave the house around the same time and then I'll literally circle around and as as long as she's
37:05gone to work I'll just circle back home I just feel completely and utterly blindsided he's been
37:12living another life just lying to me oh I can't I can't even look at you right now I can't
37:44love you oh I can't even watch it all back
38:08Oh, watch it all, boy
38:34Oh, watch it all
39:07Oh, watch it
39:37Oh, watch it all
40:04Oh, watch it all
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