00:00It has been said that magic vanished from our world a long time ago, but if there's one thing you
00:08can be sure of...
00:10I wish you could really talk to me.
00:13It's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish.
00:17It's a story about a kid with a very special relationship with something that should not exist at all in
00:23the first place.
00:24You're my best friend, John!
00:26Mom, Dad, guess what? My teddy bear's alive!
00:29Really? Well, isn't that exciting?
00:32Merry Christmas, everybody!
00:34Jesus H. Fuck!
00:36Dad?
00:36Get over here!
00:37It is a warm, fuzzy, heartfelt, fucked-up fairy tale.
00:41Ted becomes his best friend.
00:46And Ted is so out there, but he's still so fucking lovable. You know, it's crazy.
00:50All I'm saying is that Boston women are, on the whole, a paler, uglier sort than women from the elsewheres
00:56of life.
00:56They're not that bad.
00:57You ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm?
00:59Oh, yeah!
01:01Oh, yeah!
01:02Harder!
01:03Harder!
01:03Oh, God!
01:04That was so good!
01:06John is like a stunted 15-year-old boy.
01:09I'm taking Lori to dinner.
01:10You don't think she's gonna be expecting something big, do you?
01:13What, like anal?
01:14Maybe please ask Ted to move out so we can move on with our lives.
01:17He's kind of torn between his best friend and his girlfriend, who he loves, and who he doesn't want to
01:23lose.
01:24Oh!
01:25Lori, hey, you're home early.
01:26Who are these girls?
01:28They're hookers, so it's fine.
01:29You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night.
01:34And then Ted just keeps pushing it further and further, and that's pretty much the final straw.
01:39So I gotta ask Ted to move out.
01:41I'll help you get on your feet out there, I promise.
01:43So Ted needs to grow up in the same way that John grows up.
01:46I look stupid.
01:47No, you don't. You look dapper.
01:48I don't. I look like Snuggle's accountant.
01:51Look, get the job, we're celebrating after, okay?
01:54Uh-huh. And if I don't get the job, are we still gonna smoke that pot?
01:57Probably, yes.
01:58Uh-huh. Okay. All right. Good talk, coach. Thanks.
02:01All right, buddy. Go get him.
02:02This movie better talking teddy bear. It's absurd.
02:05You know what I like to do to her? Something I call a dirty fuzzy.
02:13Okay. All right. So that's where we'll draw the line.
02:15They call Ted a hard R movie. I don't, I don't see it as a hard R movie.
02:20There. Proof. Garfield's eyes look like a pair of tits.
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