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Short filmTranscript
00:09so this is the show this is what you're putting up there I've been staring at
00:14them for like 10 days now you know trying to stay objective about it but
00:17you know it's it's really hard you mean that's it's Franklin right there so I
00:21think like this before I mean this is intense you know what forget what are
00:25we supposed to say I'm sorry it's it's a little strange for me you know what
00:28I think you guys are just too freaked out about your own stuff oh right I'm about
00:32the pop-up make it about the wedding just turn it right around what are you
00:35talking about come on you're not freaked out about the wedding you're not freaked
00:37out about your mom meeting Richie listen you fucker you said you're gonna stop
00:40talking shit about Richie I'm not talking shit about Richie come on we all know
00:43how Dana can be okay I know that but you mentioned Richie like please stop talking
00:47about him what did I say about Richie I'm talking about your mom okay I am
00:50actually freaking out right now so I'm gonna get another beer will you get me
00:53another beer too sure he's incredibly high he's like on the bug out
01:00look you hired that guy you paid him to have sex with your boyfriend and then
01:03you shot it now you're gonna show that to the world I mean we're your friends
01:07what do you expect us to say
01:20what am I gonna do
01:25I'm starting to get worried about the traffic it's gonna be fine mom
01:38I'm not gonna be late for the photos okay I'll stop by I'll get your phone it's gonna go so
01:41quick how's Megan right hey dad I know I'm on my way
01:59well we're really excited to meet your friend
02:04the wedding planner was thrown to have to deal with the last minute plus one but I made sure that
02:09they squeezed in an extra chair at our table for Richard his name's Richie is it not short for
02:15Richard no mom it's just Richie do I need to change it on his place card there's a card look
02:23okay I got
02:23to go to go right now I'll talk to you later yeah I'll get your phone oh my god you
02:34shaved yeah you
02:36like it I love it come on we're late let's go I just I gotta show you like I spilled
02:43some coffee
02:44shit yeah the bus driver was driving like a maniac but if I keep my jacket
02:49close like this you can't tell you come on it's okay come on come on
02:53all right you know I'm just gonna go with the white one are you sure yeah I don't know this
02:57is
02:58I'm such an idiot no no no it looks good it looks good with your
03:01new face you okay bud though yeah totally totally excited for real I just got off the
03:08Skype with my mom oh okay but uh she's totally excited to meet you
03:13you know you say totally all that when you get nervous I do totally okay give me your arm here
03:19we go okay okay that side and that side where's my time I got it here let's do this come
03:23on we're
03:23late hold on I gotta button your pants though oh no come on oh shit what is it I didn't
03:32turn my
03:33wheels oh god I can pay for half of it no no no don't be silly I borrowed the car
03:38from Dom 58
03:39fucking dollars Jesus
03:46okay so here it is on the corner does that say Punjab Chinese yes it says Punjab Chinese Bombay
03:52meets Shanghai I like it it's fusion anyway Lin's friends were the owners so they they closed it in
03:57March but they have the lease until next week what so we get to rush in and rush out again
04:05anyway everything's here which is awesome because we just need to freshen it up a bit
04:09oh it's a one and only affair okay Lin this is Doris Hugo no it's not just another pop-up
04:17it's the beginning of a Portuguese culinary whoa so when are people supposed to be eating in here
04:27in about 28 hours excellent okay we're gonna need some Swiffers it's just a minute okay I know I
04:34normally hate people like me but it's only gonna take a moment okay here he comes right now see
04:40this is loading only
04:42you know where's the phone does to say they don't have your mom's phone are you serious yeah or at
04:46least she wouldn't give it to me because I don't look like a Murray what are you doing
04:59hey Pauline Agustin uh listen this I hate this but it's just not it's not coming together so I'm
05:05gonna have to bow out of the show sorry uh I hope you have enough time to find somebody okay
05:13uh yeah
05:13thanks bye acquaint yourself with the basic dynamics of a real bowtie a standard bowtie
05:28what is that what's this voice what is this video I don't know it's some weird YouTube playboy thing
05:34you know what let's just forget the bowtie I got it I like the challenge I need to look at
05:40the Google
05:41Amazon you just stop when I say stop I mean stop okay please okay you know what no I'm just
05:47trying
05:47not to get us killed right now I got it I'm not gonna pull over okay let me okay let
05:50me get off the
05:51bridge first all right come on come on come on get up you need to chill out chill out okay
06:06here smoke
06:07it's like this I'll drive you can relax okay you brought pot to my sister's wedding to meet
06:13my family yeah what the fuck are you doing I'm not gonna smoke a joint right now all right you
06:20know
06:20what I told you this was too soon I don't need to go to this thing go have a good
06:26time what you're leaving
06:27yeah no come on Richie get back in the car Richie I'm not gonna follow you we're already late don't
06:36I'll be fine
06:47listen I had the shop make up some options for the tables I have a plumbing issue I got a
06:52backstop prep sink I call the plumbers they're on their way you know I also was thinking maybe we
06:58should paint these columns well then it will smell like paint well I can get some industrial fans in
07:03here for overnight it's not worth it we need to deal with basic kitchen function and getting word
07:08out and if you could just make a call on the flowers flowers Jesus literally listening I'm sorry it's
07:17just no no you know I'll leave the flowers here and then uh whenever is a good time you can
07:22okay
07:30so you think it was food poisoning yeah um or something like that he actually started to feel a
07:39little bit better but I told him it wasn't you know worth it to risk it no not if it
07:43was food poisoning
07:45it's a bummer too because he was totally excited to meet you and dad and Megan she's going to be
07:52disappointed okay I'm not going to get upset about this grass the Langles have already made a
07:59comment about it the Langles make a comment about everything apparently the church gardener is being
08:06treated for prostate cancer it's just going to look terrible in the pictures well this church needs to
08:12get its priorities straight don't they know this is a Murray wedding what the hell is he doing here
08:16right who's that is that Richie no hi hey Kevin this is my uh mom Dana hey mom hello nice
08:30to meet
08:30you you too okay eyes right here guys good this is yeah this is really strange I just thought it
08:38was
08:38weird we both had weddings on the same weekend but you had your sisters and we had Gus's yeah and
08:42Gus and
08:42used to be lovers what yeah it's a big secret I'm joking though they're just best buddies from
08:48I can do what I want best buddies from Dartmouth but I only met Gus the other week really he's
08:52very
08:52sweet he's oh isn't he sweet yeah so where's Richie he um that kind of fucked up oh yeah in
09:05a big
09:05way well I'm glad you're here it's good to see a friendly face yeah it's good to see you too
09:10yeah
09:10hey Patty will you please come take a photo with the bride you'll excuse me I'm gonna go take some
09:17pictures now no no hang on hang on a second this is oh wait for the photos is it can
09:20you do this
09:24yeah family can mess with your head kind of yeah whenever I go home I just regress to being 14
09:33again
09:34sitting in my room soaking playing Tetris oh slick as fuck you're a lifesaver yeah go get him
09:45I'm here sorry can you take a picture
09:48glad to see you could finally make it yeah dad good to see you too
09:53oh yeah right back here okay sure all right can you see me yep if I can see you you
10:00should be able
10:00to see me okay all right looking good great everybody's happy yeah come on babe we're almost
10:12there should I call Pauline about the show why could you slow down baby please walk in so fast
10:18thanks I pulled out of the show yeah right what just now this morning
10:27you serious yeah you said you didn't want me showing the pictures anyway so figured
10:32I had to get you that gig I begged Pauline to let you in what you what are you doing
10:37you said she asked
10:39you oh yeah well she mentioned it and then I had to organize it to what to let your loser
10:44boyfriend
10:44put up his fucking finger paintings on the wall you were you needed help you were stuck all right
10:49and I knew you weren't gonna let me give you money this is what you've been doing since I moved
10:52in
10:52don't you see that what I've been doing yeah I don't need you to fucking save me I need you
10:56to
10:57just be there for me be there for you I fucked the guy on camera so that you can make
11:02art does that
11:03not count for anything the pictures okay you didn't do that for me this wasn't some charitable art
11:07donation okay you were in fucking heaven oh fucking shit you're jealous that I got with
11:12no I'm not jealous it's not what it's about you didn't fucking hear yourself you set it up
11:16no that's not what it's about okay could you just listen to me were you just using me
11:19no I wasn't you say I paid him
11:27you paid him
11:31you paid a whore to fuck me
11:34how much
11:37it's 220 an hour
11:44you can't even pay rent I know I know it's
11:47fucked up I've been nothing but supportive
11:49of your shit and you've been lying to me since you moved in I won't
11:52fucking tear your eyes out right now I'm just
11:56fucking asshole so hit me hit me hi welcome have a seat get your face off that's perfect see
12:03us just it's like casual you know what I'm after just be you basically
12:07so if I see a cockroach I can scream you can scream wait a second um
12:10Dom you're gonna be up front as well yes no I'm gonna be in back
12:15it's fine Doris used to host us back in the day right yeah in high school three calendars
12:20I was fired I'm sorry that's a mistake you need to be out front okay hold on guys
12:26how many times what did I say I said communal right so that means no two tops no four tops
12:33just
12:34like this and like this and like this all right
12:37outside
12:43all right kids
12:48part of what we're selling here is you
12:51you're the main attraction and and Taj too of course but but he's got to stay back there or no
12:57one gets to eat look you know I appreciate your funding this but when it comes to how it's run
13:03I don't need you taking care of me and and watching over me like I'm some teenager
13:09teenager huh yeah hadn't thought about how do you say it here are the keys to the car son don't
13:17stay
13:17out too late Lynn I didn't say I wanted you to leave I am your partner in
13:25in this or is or is there something else that's on your mind are you angry with me
13:35you're right tomorrow is yours so I'm gonna go you need to do what you need to do no it's
13:43okay
13:43come on just Lynn
13:49you see the guy over there the hot jock gone to seed yeah that's Cody Heller he's cute
13:57I grew up across the street from him our dads are best friends and when we were home he was
14:01always
14:01really cool but then at school he would completely ignore me total cunt
14:08oh that word sounds really weird coming out of your mouth you say it all the time yeah but I'm
14:13English we can make it work it's like a rule it's not a rule you can say okay okay so
14:19um I'm making
14:20John propose to you wow yeah uh mainly because I've not been to a gay wedding and that needs to
14:25happen
14:25yesterday so don't worry I told her we're still way too young and gay years without that correct
14:31come on don't you want to snatch this guy off you guys are both really handsome should just uh yeah
14:38yes maybe one day darling oh and then Patrick could be the bridesmaid oh wow thank you very funny
14:47I was thinking more the flower girl but oh whatever all right flower girl
14:52okay
15:01hey what's up it's me listen I am really sorry about today I could still come pick you up we'd
15:09be back
15:10in time for cake which is totally not a cake totally I guess I'm feeling nervous I wonder why
15:26um call me if you want
15:42at least it's out now you know
15:48you know when I was with CJ when he was on top of me he was fucking me I looked
15:55over at you just
15:56outside of it you were just just watching me
16:04it's all we've become you over there
16:11me just trying to change it
16:19I'm done I just you got to get your shit out my shit all of it
16:25I don't want to live with you anymore
16:43before we all uh dig in here I just want to first of all thank all of you for for
16:47coming
16:48and uh a little toast to our lovely Megan not so very little Megan but I remember when you were
16:56in Portland oh yeah yeah like the time you would take your brother there and dress him up as the
17:03little mermaid and then drag him through the mall with all your girlfriends huh it's hard to believe
17:10you're that that same little girl but uh we particularly like the choice you've made here in in Gus
17:18and the good thing about it Gus loves to go so I've got someone I can take to the invitational
17:23with me
17:23of you and the really nice thing about it is he has his own money so thank you Silicon Valley
17:34finally love has found me after all this time finally love
17:46it took so long it took so long it's just a crime but now
17:52oh
17:52I'm sorry
18:12now
18:15I'm
18:24Hey, you okay?
18:26I just needed some air.
18:29Yeah, me too.
18:33I think chicken was dry.
18:36Good thing you didn't have the chicken.
18:38Yeah, no, the salmon was pretty good.
18:45So I'm sorry you didn't get to meet Richie tonight.
18:47Yes, that was a shame.
18:52Would have been the first time you ever met a boyfriend of mine.
18:55I know, yes.
18:58And I hope he's feeling better now.
19:04I don't know, I think maybe you should feel a little relieved.
19:09I don't think you'd really like him very much.
19:13And how do you know that?
19:18Well, he's Mexican, first of all.
19:22All right.
19:24And he doesn't really have any money.
19:28Neither did your father when I met him.
19:30He was getting his master's.
19:32Yeah.
19:34Richie's not going to college anytime soon.
19:37He, uh, cuts hair in a shitty barbershop and he has no real ambition to do other than just that
19:45and play the bass guitar.
19:49Sounds like a real catch.
19:51Yeah.
19:53I know that's how you feel.
19:55Well, now, how do you expect me to respond after a description like that?
20:00You know, you're the real reason he's not here tonight.
20:03Richie's not sick.
20:05I was a jerk to him today because I was so nervous about introducing him to you because I know
20:10he's not the kind of person you want me to be with.
20:12And what kind of person is that?
20:15Someone like Kevin or John.
20:19And what's wrong with that?
20:21They seem lovely.
20:23They seem just like you.
20:27You don't get it, do you, Mom?
20:31Everyone I'm ever with, every guy I've ever been on a date with, I judge him based on what you're
20:36going to think of him.
20:37And it's really fucking me up.
20:40I see.
20:44Patrick.
20:47I know I don't say everything you'd like me to say all the time.
20:54And I know I had problems when you first told us.
21:01But I've come a long way.
21:04And I can't help wanting what's best for you.
21:10And I don't think you can blame me for Richie.
21:14If he's not here,
21:17it's on you, sweetie.
21:23Is that a pot cookie?
21:26Well, it's actually a marshmallow crispy treat.
21:33It's legal now in Colorado.
21:37Oh.
21:38You want some?
21:39No, Mom.
21:41And it really helps since I went off the Lexapro.
21:44I didn't know you were on Lexapro.
21:46Well, Patrick,
21:48if you asked me how I was doing every now and then,
21:52you'd know.
22:07Franklin?
22:12Frank?
22:19Hey.
22:20Oh, hey.
22:22You okay?
22:23Yeah.
22:25I'm super.
22:28What's happened?
22:29Oh, nothing.
22:31Just today.
22:32I used to like weddings.
22:36John's drunk.
22:37Oh, great.
22:38Yeah, no, I can't stand him when he's drunk.
22:43Are you a little bit drunk?
22:46Yeah.
22:47But,
22:48see,
22:50I'm a nice drunk.
22:52Yeah,
22:53that's good to know.
22:56What?
23:00I was going to kiss you.
23:02What?
23:04I'm kidding.
23:05Okay,
23:05because that would be a weird...
23:36What do you think?
23:37Can I pull this off?
23:39I think it is going to be the finest night
23:43for all these foodie fuckers in this town.
23:45Are you kidding?
23:47But it ain't gonna happen without help, darling.
23:51Okay? Are you hearing me?
23:53Mm-hmm.
23:55Because some people really do just want to help.
24:02Those are my favorite.
24:15Hey.
24:23Forty grand for this.
24:30You're, uh...
24:31You're not gonna want one of these, are you?
24:33Amen.
24:41Someday
24:42he'll come along
24:46The man I love
24:48The man I love
24:50And he'll be big and strong
24:52The man I love
24:55The man I love
24:56And when he comes my way
25:00I'll do my best
25:02To make him
25:04Stay
25:09He'll look at me and smile
25:12I'll understand
25:16And in a little while
25:20He'll take my hand
25:22And though it seems absurd
25:26I know we both
25:29Won't say a word
25:36Maybe I should meet him
25:40Maybe I should meet him Sunday
25:41Maybe Monday
25:46Maybe Monday
25:47Maybe not
25:50Still I sure believe
25:53It's a very good
25:57I'm so proud
25:59In a little bit
26:00Because, he wildly
26:03Does he help the world
26:04I should probably
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