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00:12Ladies and gentlemen, from Marvist, Alabama, my son, Derek Stroop.
00:28How about it, baby?
00:36All right.
00:39Man, thank y'all.
00:40Thank y'all so much.
00:42So excited to be here.
00:43Originally from Harvist, Alabama, proud to be from Harvist.
00:48And I've moved around a little bit, lived in Denver for 10 years.
00:52Now I live in New York City.
00:53New York City is touch and go, I've got to be honest.
00:57Nobody believes that I live there.
01:00I told the guy at the bodega, I go, hey, man, I live here.
01:03And he goes, enjoy your visit.
01:07And it's just wild the type of reactions they have to southern accents.
01:12I think it's because southerners, we visit New York City.
01:16New Yorkers do not visit us.
01:19When a New Yorker runs into us, it's like they've caught a Pokemon, man.
01:23They cannot believe it.
01:25They go, hey, this guy sounds like Huckleberry Finn.
01:28How'd you get here?
01:29Did you ride a horse?
01:30There's black guys over there.
01:31You're cool with that, right?
01:34It's like the craziest reaction ever.
01:37It really is.
01:38I mean, I know I sound like a bowl of gravy, but I mean, I'm like, y'all sound like
01:43a traffic cone, man.
01:47But it's working out, man.
01:49We're trying to figure it out.
01:51I enjoy the food in New York City so much.
01:54Living in Denver for a decade.
01:55I went 10 years without a good meal.
01:58They're the most crunchy granola white people that we've got.
02:01They don't eat how we eat.
02:03They use food for energy, a concept I don't even understand.
02:08I'm trying to take a nap after every meal.
02:11I want to put myself down like an old dog, you know?
02:14I want my eyes to fog over, and the last thing I hear is somebody saying, he was a good
02:18boy.
02:21You should be eating whatever you want.
02:23The world's on fire.
02:25If you watch the news and go, I'll take a kale salad, you're sick in the head, man.
02:30This is ice cream news, Fruity Pebbles news.
02:36New York City's food works to my advantage.
02:39I love salt so much.
02:41I love sodium.
02:43Sometimes I'll buy bologna and just suck on it, you know?
02:48When I get done eating dinner, I want to take my socks off, and it looks like I still got
02:52them on.
02:54And healthy people, you won't get that joke.
02:57You've never seen your legs bottleneck before.
03:02That's a good meal right there.
03:04Pull your sock off.
03:06You can see the logo on it, you know?
03:13Oh, man.
03:14I didn't know that salt was a problem.
03:17When you grow up in the South, everybody warns you about sugar.
03:20Everybody.
03:21Somebody will roll up on a rascal scooter.
03:23They'll go, you better watch out for sugar, you know?
03:26And we go, okay, noted, you know?
03:29I didn't know bad things about salt.
03:31I thought everybody's hands fell asleep.
03:33I'll be honest.
03:35I went to my family doctor in Huntsville, Alabama.
03:38He ran my blood work, and he goes, hey, son, you're all salt, man.
03:42He goes, I've never seen anything like it.
03:44And he tried to break it down to me in a way that he thought that I could understand.
03:49He goes, I own 47 acres, Derek.
03:51He said, I feel like if I brought you to the middle of that, you'd bring deer in.
03:58And that's a joke that does not work in Manhattan.
04:03Yeah.
04:05You've got to find a tree line to tell that to.
04:11I've tried to eat healthy.
04:12I've been eating the wrong way for too long.
04:15My stomach reacts to salads like some of y'all's reacts to Taco Bell.
04:20It's like, what is this?
04:21We've never seen a karate.
04:22I don't know what a carrot is.
04:24Sometimes I need some chicken fingers to get back on my feet again.
04:28When I was in Denver, they'd all tell me, you need a smoothie.
04:31You need a juice drink.
04:32You need some juice.
04:33I was like, if I have any more juice and somebody bumps into me, I'm going to poop my britches,
04:37man.
04:38I'm not built for juice.
04:39Children are built for juice.
04:41If I have two cups of apple juice back to back, I'm fighting for my life.
04:46And they'll go, it's a cleanse.
04:48It's a cleanse.
04:49I go, I know diarrhea when I run into it.
04:52The only difference in diarrhea and a cleanse is you see one of them coming, you know?
04:59I don't know.
05:05I don't know.
05:06It was the same.
05:07It's, you know, it's, when I say Colorado, I mean hipsters, you know?
05:11I don't have a problem with hipsters.
05:13They've just never helped me.
05:15They're the same people that said I need a deodorant without aluminum.
05:19I need all the aluminum.
05:21I do.
05:22I tried that hippie deodorant that runs off a tree bark in Friendship.
05:27I need something that fights for me.
05:29When I take a hot shower, I want to feel my armpits burn, man.
05:34I look for rashes.
05:35I go, good, good, rash it up.
05:43No, man.
05:45I mean, hipsters are, they're fine people.
05:47But I feel like they're bringing back a lot of things that we've already got.
05:50Like they made hard seltzer popular.
05:53We've been drinking hard seltzer in the Midwest and the South our whole lives.
05:58It's called Bush Light.
06:00You talking about a little water, a little alcohol, a little seltzer?
06:04We've been doing that.
06:05Some guy with a beanie on put it in a skinny tall can and now he's the hero, huh?
06:10That hurts my feelings, you know?
06:15But I do love to eat, man.
06:16I'm from a large Southern family.
06:18And there's not many of us.
06:20We're just heavy breathers.
06:22We have a classic mood.
06:24We use low sugar to our advantage.
06:26We don't even have low sugar.
06:28We tell people we do.
06:29We go, my sugar's low, my sugar's low.
06:32And if you don't bring us a piece of pie, you're a bad person.
06:36My dad's done it my whole life.
06:38He's bigger than I am, 6'3", 300 pounds.
06:41We'd be out in the yard working.
06:43He'd go, hey, man, I need to head to the house.
06:45My sugar's low.
06:47I can remember looking at him thinking, man, it looks high, man.
06:51I mean, you look like a Butterfinger with boots on, Bill.
06:55You look like you've had most of the sugar.
06:58I mean, I'm from one of those families.
07:00When we get done eating dinner, it looks like there was a carbon monoxide leak in the living room.
07:04My mother's face first on the sofa.
07:07My dad's holding the remote.
07:09He lost his consciousness because the gravy was too thick.
07:15But you all know how we are, man.
07:17Big people.
07:18We'll fall asleep right after a meal.
07:20Our sugar dips and we just go down.
07:23But about 20 minutes later, we'll climb out of that fog.
07:26And we'll go, hey, I could use something sweet if you got it.
07:32Just like a little half piece of pie should get me back on my feet again.
07:39No, man.
07:41It's fun talking about this stuff.
07:45New York City is an interesting place.
07:47I mean, I live in Queens.
07:49Me and my wife, we've got a nice little apartment.
07:51It's me, her, and some mice.
07:52We're figuring it out.
07:54I've dealt with mice before, but not New York City mice.
07:57They're built different.
07:59I mean, these mice are dead.
08:00I've never seen mice with their hats on backwards.
08:03It's crazy.
08:04I opened up the cabinet.
08:05I threw rat poison in there.
08:07One of them picked it up, started using it as war paint, man.
08:10Another one bit the top off and rolled it out like a grenade.
08:15These mice are different.
08:17And I'll tell you, I tried to get rid of these mice at first with glue traps.
08:21And let me tell you something, glue traps are for psychopaths.
08:26I'm a lifelong hunter.
08:27I wasn't worried about killing these mice, but glue traps are different.
08:31I was in the living room watching TV.
08:33One of the mice came in.
08:35He was dragging a glue trap with his leg.
08:37He goes, kill me like a man.
08:42And he just drugged the trap into the other room.
08:45I mean, have y'all ever seen a mouse shake its head with disgust?
08:51No, a glue trap only does half the job.
08:54Now you walk in and there's a mouse just sitting there blinking, going, now what's your move, big dog?
09:00Are you going to stomp on me, then go eat dinner?
09:02You got problems, buddy.
09:08We're figuring it out, man.
09:12As you can tell, I get worked up pretty easy.
09:17I run hot, man.
09:18I'm an emotional person.
09:20I always have been.
09:21And people don't expect that with Southerners.
09:24But we hide it.
09:24Well, we're just waiting to be mad at you.
09:27I can promise you that.
09:29I'm the type of person that if I'm at a crosswalk waiting to go across the street, if you come
09:33up behind me and press the button, it's hard for me not to turn around and ask you, do you
09:38not think that I've already done that?
09:41Do you think I was just standing here going, what if there's an easier way to get to the other
09:46side?
09:47Because I'm going to assume that you think I'm too dumb to cross the street.
09:51Those are the same people that will come up and press an elevator button that is clearly lit up.
09:57It's clearly lit up.
09:59I'm not waiting here outside of the elevator like, come on, level five, get hot, man.
10:05Come on, land on five one time.
10:07Treat me right.
10:12And we've just got to deal with these people, man.
10:15I mean, like, another thing.
10:17If I let you over in traffic and you don't thank me, I feel like I should be able to
10:21follow you home.
10:24I'm not going to do anything crazy.
10:26I just want to ask you in your driveway, do you think you're better than me?
10:31No, just tell me the truth.
10:33Do you think you're better than me?
10:40It's tough, man.
10:42It is.
10:43I can't bring this up in real life, you know?
10:46People go, he's a psychopath.
10:47He's a psychopath.
10:49So I have to take edibles and say it into a microphone, you know?
10:55Like, I fly all the time.
10:57I hate flying.
11:00But when you have my accent and you tell people you hate to fly, they assume you do not know
11:06how airplanes work.
11:09They go, oh, they're so safe.
11:11And I go, that's not what I'm talking about.
11:13I'm talking about flying with you, Diane.
11:15That's what I'm talking about.
11:18Like, here's the thing lately.
11:20I think middle seat people have lost their minds.
11:23I don't know who lied to middle seat people, but you have no armrests, okay?
11:28We share our armrests out of the goodness of our heart, but you have no...
11:32And the energy that these middle seat people are barely on the flight, okay?
11:37They're the only seat in every row that if they don't show up, we celebrate.
11:42We take a picture of their empty seat and we put it on Instagram and we go, what a Tuesday,
11:46man.
11:49You ever seen a middle seat person pull out a laptop?
11:53It's the craziest thing I've ever seen.
11:55It's so hard for me not to look at them and go, hey, nobody's in an office waiting on a
12:00middle seat email, okay?
12:02If anybody cared about your email, you'd be in the aisle, big dog.
12:07I mean, it's hard for me.
12:09I just want to reach over and just close the laptop and go, you need to get your Kindle out,
12:14okay?
12:15You need to read a story.
12:20And all this confidence comes from me being an aisle seat guy.
12:23I'm the captain of my row.
12:25It is my row.
12:27And some of y'all go, how's that work?
12:28I can break it down for you.
12:30You want to go to the bathroom, you're going to have to go through your boy first.
12:34Yeah.
12:35You want a snack?
12:36I'll hand you a biscoff when I get to it.
12:39Because the flight attendant is going to give me snacks to give to my team when I'm ready.
12:47When the plane lands, what do we do, aisle seats?
12:51We stand up.
12:52You already know.
12:53Middle and window seats, they hate it because they look like goblins under there.
12:58There's nowhere to go.
13:00There's nowhere to go.
13:01They bang their head.
13:02They bang their head.
13:04I go, get back in there.
13:07You'll get off this plane when all the aisles do.
13:15The more I travel this great country, I do realize that there is a mental health situation.
13:22There are no resources like we used to have.
13:25I wish there was.
13:26You know, back in the 80s, if you yelled on a street corner for long enough, they'd eventually drive you
13:31up the hill.
13:33That does not exist anymore.
13:35That's why my solution, I feel like we should bring back cigarettes.
13:40No, we were better people when we smoked them.
13:43We smoked them at the wrong time.
13:45We smoked them when the world was great.
13:47When brick homes were $60,000, health care was affordable.
13:50We need Marlboros now.
13:53And I know there's somebody in this crowd right now going, I can't believe he's doing a pro cigarette bit.
13:59And I'm probably talking to you, Carol.
14:02You're on box wine and Xanax.
14:07You could use a camel in a long walk worse than any of us.
14:12Nobody has ever smoked a cigarette and came back a worse version of themselves.
14:17You're going to get a better version of them.
14:19Nancy's smiling.
14:20Her teeth are yellow, but she's happy.
14:25I don't smoke cigarettes, but I was raised by two people that do.
14:29I don't need science for this bit.
14:31I've seen cigarettes walk people off a ledge.
14:34Some of y'all have.
14:36Some of y'all have never seen a cigarette save Thanksgiving.
14:40It's a real thing.
14:42Aunt Sharon was about to say something that was going to turn that dining room upside down.
14:48But instead, she grabbed her leather pouch, she went out on that porch, and she made a business decision.
15:00Now she's in the kitchen working on the gravy.
15:03That's how cigarettes work.
15:05These youngsters, they don't understand.
15:07These bait pens don't buy you any time.
15:10You get to that cotton candy immediately.
15:12With a Winston 100, you can assess a situation.
15:17You go, what's everybody mad at, man?
15:20I don't know why they got these attitudes.
15:22I mean, back in the day, you'd see somebody outside of a 7-Eleven knocking down a cigarette, walking in
15:27small circles.
15:28You knew to give them a minute.
15:30They were trying their best to make a good decision.
15:37My old man still smokes Marlboro Reds till this day.
15:42Yeah.
15:42I was raised by a bill.
15:44If you know one bill, you know every bill you've ever met.
15:48I don't know why, but they're all pretty similar men.
15:51They're all somewhere right now with their shirts tucked in, looking out a window, going, nobody wants to work anymore.
16:01He did what a lot of people did back in the day.
16:03Back before we paid thousands of dollars to talk to strangers about our problems, people used to light up cigarettes
16:09and talk to themselves.
16:11It was truly the first form of therapy.
16:15My old man, he would get off of work.
16:17He'd never hurry inside.
16:19He'd climb out of his truck.
16:21He'd go walk into the front yard.
16:23Bill would light one up and stare at a tree until he cared again.
16:28Sometimes it would take two, but eventually he'd drop it on the ground.
16:32He'd put it out.
16:33He'd go, you know what?
16:34I'm going to go hug them, because that's what cigarettes do.
16:38They bring you full circle.
16:40I don't know why hipsters haven't brought back cigarettes.
16:43They brought back everything else.
16:45You're going to wear all that denim, ride bicycles, listen to Bob Seger on vinyl.
16:50Light a dart, Schuyler.
16:53Nothing goes better with denim than cigarettes.
16:56It's one of the best plays we've ever ran.
16:59Half this room is here because of denim and cigarettes.
17:06Yeah, I mean, it's just the truth.
17:09I mean, some of y'all still don't like this bit.
17:11And I'll be honest, in 1972, yo mama did.
17:21I did this joke in Cleveland, Ohio, just not long ago.
17:26After the show, I'm walking through the parking lot.
17:29This gentleman, he flags me down.
17:30He goes, hey, man, hey, that cigarette bit, he goes, it's unbelievable.
17:35He goes, I'll be honest, I don't know how it ended.
17:37I had to step out and have one.
17:42Probably the best review I've ever gotten in my life.
17:49Oh, man.
17:49It's been a great year.
17:50I've been a really lucky guy.
17:53A lot of great things have happened to me.
17:55Got married for the first time at the beginning of the year.
17:58So that's so fun.
17:59Yeah.
18:02I'm 40 years old.
18:03I've been on the run for a while.
18:06You got to eventually turn yourself in.
18:08And you know, if you're from the country, if you don't get married in your 20s,
18:11they start making up rumors about you.
18:13They're going, no, man, it's not a big deal.
18:15He's always been a candle guy.
18:19I've got a good woman, though.
18:21She's from Kansas.
18:22Everybody should get a partner from Kansas.
18:24They're very easy to impress.
18:27She's from a town of 89 people.
18:30I show her a four-story building.
18:31She's like, how'd they get up there?
18:33You know?
18:34And I'm like, elevators, baby.
18:35I'm going to show you the world.
18:38And listen, I know being from Alabama and making fun of Kansas is a lateral move.
18:42I get that.
18:45That's not lost on me.
18:47But when you grow up in the South, everybody tells you you live in the middle of nowhere.
18:52And then we go and visit the Midwest, and we realize we've been lied to.
18:57No.
18:58Where I'm from, we talk different, and our food's fried, but we can see our neighbors.
19:02There's parts of the Midwest that if you got the flu, that'd be the last flu you ever got.
19:07There's no medical care.
19:09It's like the Oregon Trail.
19:10They're going to give you a warm rag and sing a hymn.
19:18Kansas is the flattest place I've ever been.
19:21I mean, it really is.
19:22I do feel like every prison in the country should be in Kansas.
19:25You could watch an inmate run away all weekend.
19:29Could you imagine the conversation in the guard tower?
19:32He's like, listen, Jason, don't shoot him.
19:35I like to watch him give up.
19:38Yeah, there's nothing out there.
19:39Look at him.
19:40He's scared to death, Jason.
19:42He's running back towards us.
19:50Could you imagine running away from a prison for three days, turning around and still being able to read the
19:55address?
19:57That hurts your feelings, you know?
20:02My wife, she'll travel with me sometimes, which is fun.
20:06Like, before we moved to New York City, we took a visit.
20:09I'd been there a bunch for comedy.
20:10Alyssa had never been there.
20:12We went down to Times Square.
20:14It's a sight to see, you know?
20:16We're looking around.
20:17Alyssa goes, Derek, I'll be honest.
20:19There's more Amish people here than I expected.
20:22And I go, Alyssa, those are Jewish people.
20:26I go, I know it's tough to tell from 50 yards away, but you've got the wrong Abraham there.
20:33And to get this joke, you've got to understand what a Hasidic Jew and an Amish person looks like.
20:40Some of y'all don't.
20:41Some of y'all heard my accent and the word Jew, and you went, I'm going to sit this one
20:44out.
20:47Jewish people know that's a zinger.
20:48Amish people love it, too.
20:50I did that joke in Pennsylvania.
20:51They got on their horses.
20:53They go, now that's comedy right there.
20:55That's something we can make some butter to, you know what I mean?
21:04It's been a big year, man.
21:06Things are moving fast.
21:07Me and my wife, we got a baby coming, so we're so excited.
21:11Yeah.
21:15I got to tell you, I did not know.
21:18I did not know, as a heavyset man, I'd be so helpful in my wife's pregnancy.
21:23Everything she's going through, I've already been through.
21:27I mean, everything.
21:29I mean, there's a whole list of things.
21:32She came into the bedroom.
21:33She goes, Derek, I can't sleep on my stomach or my back.
21:37I go, me either, Alyssa.
21:39And I had to teach her.
21:41I go, you've got to put a pillow between your thighs.
21:43I go, you're going to have to ski down that mountain.
21:46She goes, Derek, my hips, they hurt.
21:48I go, I know you've got to flip more, Alyssa.
21:52She's learning.
21:53Side sleepers, we'll find a bad mattress quicker than anybody in the room.
21:57You people on your back, you'll wake up the next day.
22:00I think I feel, no, I'll be on my side for 10 minutes.
22:03I go, how many springs is in this, man?
22:05I mean, my leg's locked up.
22:09Everything she's going through, she goes, Derek, none of my clothes fit.
22:12I go, will it ever end?
22:13You know?
22:14I told her, I said, our dryer's running hot.
22:17All my polos look like crop tops, you know?
22:21I'm one of those big guys where I've never gained weight.
22:23The dryer's running too hot.
22:25I go, my jeans, I can't get, well, we've got it set on hell?
22:28What's going on?
22:30My britches have shriveled up.
22:32They all look like capris, Alyssa.
22:38Everything she's going through.
22:39I mean, I'm what the doctor ordered.
22:41She goes, Derek, I'm starting to chafe pretty bad.
22:44I go, my goodness.
22:46I go, you're talking to the right guy.
22:48I said, I've been chafing since 91.
22:50I had to teach her about gold bond, you know?
22:54I go, hey, listen, you're going to smell like pawpaw, but you're going to be on the move.
22:58You're going to be on the move.
23:00And I go, listen.
23:03I go, if you've got a dress on, Alyssa, don't put too much on and sit down.
23:07You'll be covered in it, okay?
23:10A dab will do you, you know?
23:17No, I love, we all know about gold bond.
23:20I thought that was my dad's cologne until I was 14.
23:23I go, no, my dad's got a little menthol smell, just a little menthol smell.
23:28I'd walk in Walgreens.
23:29I'd go, daddy!
23:32No, it's just gold bond.
23:39It's fun talking about these things, man.
23:41It is.
23:42The dynamic of our relationship has changed.
23:45We're one of those couples where I'm usually a lot bigger than my wife.
23:49We don't really match up, if you will.
23:52Like, we're one of those couples that when you see us coming, you go, man, he must be funny, man.
23:58He, uh...
23:59I can't imagine how silly that man is.
24:03And how she'll love on me.
24:04If I drop something on the ground, she'll pick it up so all the blood doesn't rush to my head.
24:09That's how you love on big people.
24:10She doesn't watch me fight with that recliner.
24:12She'll grab the billfold for me.
24:15That's love.
24:16But now, we've got a pretty similar build.
24:19The dynamic has changed.
24:21A few weeks ago, I dropped something on the ground, and it was a standoff.
24:26We were both looking at it like somebody's going to have some blood rush to their head.
24:31Earlier this week, she dropped an ice cube on the ground.
24:33She went to go pick it up.
24:34I go, Alyssa, we don't pick up ice cubes.
24:37I go, nobody picks up ice cubes.
24:40Ice cubes live under the fridge.
24:43She goes, what happens after that?
24:45I go, it turns into water, and then the mold.
24:47Nobody cares.
24:54But it's been a fun journey.
24:56I've gained 17 pounds during my wife's pregnancy.
25:00They said you should get some partner weight, but I'm truly showing out.
25:04I mean, I'm in a higher percentile than our baby is.
25:08And it's wild.
25:09We were sitting in the doctor's office, and she goes, Derek, my breasts are getting so big.
25:13And I go, Alyssa, I don't know if you've noticed, but I got some hammers on me now, too.
25:19I go, your boy's got some dogs on him.
25:22And I had to explain to her, I go, I can't keep eating like this with you.
25:26I go, you're going to kill me, okay?
25:28I had to draw the line.
25:30She didn't understand.
25:31I said, your journey is not permanent, all right?
25:34You're renting your property.
25:36I own this land.
25:38You're going to have a baby and lose 40 pounds.
25:41I can't take a dump and get rid of this.
25:44This is the new me.
25:47Elastic khaki struke.
25:49It's your boy.
25:54No, man, we're having fun.
25:56It's a little bit of a scary time to bring a kid into the world, but I'm excited for the
26:01experience.
26:02You know, yeah, I really am.
26:04I mean, there's some things, you know, that he's going to miss out on, you know, that we really got
26:10to enjoy.
26:11Because, listen, I'm a 90s kid, born in 84, raised in the 90s.
26:15Yeah.
26:17I'm a proud 90s kid.
26:19We were the last generation to not be ruled by the Internet.
26:23The last ones to know where our friends were by the bikes in the yard.
26:27These kids these days, they don't know real jealousy.
26:30They've never been riding their bike through a neighborhood, turned the corner, and found out that everybody was swimming at
26:35Jason's.
26:38There was no group chat in 89.
26:40You just ran into it, you know?
26:43And I think the Internet does a lot for adults.
26:45I think it steals from kids their imagination, their core experiences.
26:50So I thought of some things that we went through that helped make us who we are that they're missing
26:55out on.
26:55Like, do you remember back in the day when you had a crush on somebody?
26:59You'd have to call the house and talk to a parent before you talked to your crush.
27:03I'd like to bring that back.
27:05None of this dodging and weaving and texting.
27:08You got a crush on Hannah, let's earn it, big dog.
27:12You remember how nervous we would be for that phone call?
27:14I'd be in the kitchen by the phone, like, stay loose right here, Derek, stay loose.
27:18Her grandmother might answer, be ready to pivot, you know?
27:23I can still hear that phone call till this day.
27:27He'd answer the phone, yellow.
27:29And I'd go, is Hannah home?
27:32He'd go, yeah, buddy, she's running around here somewhere.
27:35He'd go, who am I speaking with?
27:37You'd go, this is Derek Stroop.
27:39And he'd go, nice to meet you, Derek.
27:41I'm Jeff Turner.
27:42I'm Hannah's father.
27:44So why are we calling my daughter tonight?
27:48Y'all remember that?
27:49These kids are not built for that direct-to-communication.
27:54Not these days.
27:55If that happened to one of y'all's kids, they'd hand you the phone.
27:57They'd go, Jeff wants to talk to you.
28:03Back in the day, we had to stay in the saddle, figure it out.
28:06Send old Jeff a line, you know?
28:08I'd go, well, I was going to ask Hannah a question about math.
28:12And this was not Jeff's first rodeo.
28:15And he'd go, Derek, you're not going to believe this, buddy,
28:17but I'm pretty good at math myself.
28:20Nowhere to run to.
28:22Nowhere to hide.
28:23The only thing that would eventually save you
28:25would be a mother in the background that would go,
28:27Jeff, that's enough.
28:30Hannah's crying in the dining room.
28:31You don't know when to quit, Jeff.
28:33It's not funny to us.
28:35And then you got to hear a grown man get in trouble,
28:38which was cool, you know?
28:39You go, yeah, Jeff, go away, Jeff, with a G.
28:47It's fun looking back on these experiences, man.
28:51I was a bus rider growing up.
28:53I think that helped mold who I am today.
28:55Some of y'all were car riders.
28:57I know it when I meet you.
28:59Your hands are soft.
29:00You're not built like a bus rider.
29:03Car riders, your day started off with a lunch bowl and a high five.
29:07The last thing you saw was a minivan full of love.
29:10Bus riders, our day started off with death threats.
29:14If you missed the bus, so help me.
29:18I was in there ironing my pants.
29:20They're on me.
29:20I'm going, oh, my goodness.
29:23And the bus back in the day was lawless.
29:26I grew up out in the country.
29:28My bus was K through 12.
29:30The whole school was on one bus.
29:32It should not be that way.
29:35We grew up fast.
29:37I was a third grader sitting next to 10th graders.
29:39I was hearing words I didn't understand.
29:41Sentences I couldn't comprehend.
29:43It was all going right over my head.
29:45I went home and told my strict father, looked him right in the face.
29:48I went, hey, Dad, for Christmas, I want two hand jobs.
29:52I didn't even know what they were.
29:54I go, I'll cut the grass.
29:56We can work something out.
29:57Everybody that's had one on the bus, Dad, they love them, man.
30:02You should have seen Bill.
30:04He couldn't believe I was going to hell so young.
30:07That's because the bus was the internet before the internet ever existed.
30:12It was Google on wheels.
30:13And the further you went on the back of that bus, the deeper in the internet you got.
30:18That last row was the dark web.
30:22There'd be some 7th grader back there with some burn CDs and a black and mild, you know.
30:27I was just a little Christian kid.
30:28I was like, oh, I've never heard of 3-6 Mafia.
30:32Wow.
30:33Bok, bok, chicken, chicken.
30:35That's crazy.
30:43Some of y'all don't know.
30:44Listen, you car riders,
30:46you do not understand that long ride to school when you miss the bus.
30:50And your family acts like everybody's jobs are up for grabs.
30:55My mother, she'd be smoking her cigarette driving me to school.
30:58Now your daddy's going to be 15 minutes late.
31:00I'm going to be 20 minutes late.
31:02If he loses it, don't roll that window down.
31:05We're going to smoke this together.
31:07You don't care about anybody but yourself.
31:10That's the problem.
31:11That's the problem.
31:16You remember how small the crack in the window was?
31:20Our parents were so scared the wind was going to take a pull off of their Marlboro.
31:25They didn't want to share even a little bit of it.
31:28I mean, they'd have it cracked this much.
31:30They'd go, well, we might as well let the wind just have the rest of it.
31:38I like talking to kids who grew up with parents that smoked.
31:42We have similar lives, you know.
31:44We're the same people.
31:45We went down to the bottom of our backpack looking for our homework.
31:50It was, I mean, we came up with a goatee and a buzz, man.
31:53It smelled like menthols at the bottom of that Jansport.
32:01It's fun talking about these things, man.
32:05I think we could help these kids out by, you know, bringing, we should bring back overreacting, you know.
32:11My parents really knocked it out of the park.
32:14We should bring it back.
32:15I mean, my old man, he was the best at it.
32:18You'd just forget to take out the trash.
32:21You'd walk out of the garage.
32:22Bill would be standing in the driveway in a pair of gym shorts that didn't really matter that he had
32:26on.
32:29And he'd go, hey, man, me and your mother have tried.
32:32I want you to know that.
32:34He goes, one day when you don't have a job, don't look around and ask how this happened.
32:38It starts with the small things.
32:41And you're sitting there going, there's no way that this is about a trash bag, man.
32:48My old man, he'd get so mad, he'd refer to my mother as his wife.
32:53Y'all ever have that happen?
32:54He goes, hey, you're not going to talk to my bride that way.
32:57And you go, we're not, we're that, we're not a family anymore?
33:02He starts acting like he barely knows you.
33:04Me and my woman are living an honest life.
33:06We don't know where you came from.
33:09You're like, I'm the oldest of three, Dad.
33:18In hindsight, I kind of think that my mom loved when my dad put on like that.
33:23You ever grown up and looked back and thought maybe there was a little theatrical stuff going on?
33:28I know when I walked out of the room, my mom was like, they don't respect me like they respect
33:32you, Bill.
33:33When you get worked up like that, my goodness gracious.
33:36No, come here, come here, you little overtime rascal.
33:39I love when you act like that.
33:41That vein pops out in you.
33:43You see how scared Will was?
33:44He like, I don't think these kids these days are bad kids.
33:54I refuse to subscribe to the notion that every generation behind us is a bad batch.
34:00They're a different group, that's for sure.
34:03I mean, you know, it's just a different time.
34:05I haven't seen a kid get spanked in a grocery store in a decade.
34:09No, that's where you used to watch some pretty good live whoopings go on.
34:14You'd just be pushing your cart through Bruno's cruising right along.
34:18You'd look down the aisle, there'd be a kid just getting wore out.
34:22And you'd go, you know what, I'm going to go get chips in a little bit, you know?
34:27I mean, back in the day, other parents would chime in.
34:30You'd be getting spanked and another parent would go, and that's why you listen to your mother.
34:35You'd be like, who are you?
34:37Who are you?
34:37I don't even know you.
34:45I think the main problem with these kids these days, in my opinion, is they've never been bored.
34:52They don't even understand what being bored is.
34:55They don't know.
34:56Like my nephew, he came up to me.
34:58He was on a hoverboard holding the tablet.
35:01He goes, Uncle Derek, I'm bored.
35:03And I go, Joseph, it looks like you're from the future, man.
35:08You look like the most unbored person I've ever seen in my life.
35:13They don't even know what it is.
35:15They've never rode in the back of a car on an eight-hour family trip with no electronics.
35:20Just looking out the window, going, if we play I Spy again, I'm going to kill myself.
35:28When's the last time you saw kids dodging trees with their hands, man?
35:33I have done that up and down Highway 65 my whole life.
35:38I'd be in the back seat.
35:39Then you'd hit a tree line.
35:47That was entertaining.
35:51There's not sibling violence like there once was because they're overstimulated.
35:57Back in the day, we could only play outside for so long until we'd look at our brother and we'd
36:03go,
36:03You know what?
36:03I'm going to send it, man.
36:04I'm going to send it.
36:07And your mother would go, Why did you do that?
36:09You'd go, Because you gave us sidewalk chalk and we have a gravel driveway.
36:16I made a business decision.
36:17That was a lot more fun.
36:20And as you can see, I did fold him.
36:26These kids have never been bored.
36:29That's why they don't understand the games we played.
36:32And we made up all of our own games.
36:34Looking back, they're a little different.
36:36And some of them don't make any sense.
36:38Like, I mean, one of the games that we made up that still exists today is ridiculous.
36:42And I mean, it goes like this right here.
36:45Yeah.
36:47Yeah.
36:48What's crazy is, is I owe every one of y'all.
36:53This game is ridiculous.
36:56And it's still alive.
36:57I was at a wedding last year in New Orleans.
37:00Saw a childhood friend.
37:02I go, Man, Trey.
37:03I haven't seen Trey in forever.
37:05And Trey goes, How about this, buddy?
37:07I go, Are you kidding me?
37:09We're 40 years old.
37:10He goes, Isn't it crazy, man?
37:19The games we play.
37:21Some of them weren't even real games.
37:22Your buddy would come over.
37:23You go, Jeremy's here.
37:24What's up, big dog?
37:25Up here.
37:25Cup check.
37:26High time.
37:28And Jeremy would go, Why'd you do that?
37:30He'd go, We don't have Call of Duty, man.
37:33That was a drone strike on your care package.
37:41They don't understand.
37:42These kids, you don't see titty twisters anymore.
37:46Back in the day, we had to keep our head on a swivel, man.
37:50If you grabbed a kid today, tried to give him a titty twister, he'd go, Safe space, safe space.
37:56Back in the day, we'd just be cruising through our grandmother's house.
37:59Your cousin would hop out and light you up.
38:02And then he'd grab your other nipple.
38:03And he'd go, Hey, jumper cables, you know?
38:06And you'd learn a little bit about yourself.
38:08You'd go, You know, I don't hate this, Ricky, but you're rough, buddy.
38:12I wish you'd hang on, but let go, you know?
38:15How about some finesse?
38:24We took regular playground games, turned them into the Thunderdome.
38:28Red Rover, Red Rover got physical.
38:32I mean, it really did.
38:33We'd go, Red Rover, Red Rover, send Kevin right over.
38:36Kevin would think it was a normal afternoon until he got about right there.
38:40And then at the last minute, we'd tighten our grip.
38:43Hi-ya!
38:44Welcome to the jungle, Kevin!
38:48Now Kevin's on his back.
38:50He swallowed his retainer.
38:59You got to be a certain age to remember the dodgeball we used to play with.
39:04That ball that was, like, made out of tire tread.
39:07You know, it was, like, heavy, but it still bounced, you know?
39:10It's like when they made it in the factory, they were like, yeah, this will hurt them.
39:16I can still hear that ball bounce off a kid's head until this day.
39:20You'd hear that dong!
39:22That ball go 50 feet in the air.
39:24That kid would be over there.
39:29I miss the old school PE teachers we used to have.
39:33The ones that didn't even have degrees.
39:35It was just somebody the community trusted.
39:38We had Coach Sykes, man.
39:40Coach.
39:41Coach Sykes, he'd be over in the corner with a tucked-in Jimmy Buffett shirt,
39:45sneaking a cigarette.
39:47That kid would be on the ground flopping like a fish,
39:50taking a ball to the head.
39:52Coach would walk up to him.
39:53Hey!
39:54Hey!
39:55Look at me.
39:56You're out.
39:58Yeah.
39:59I know that hurts.
40:01Life hurts, man.
40:02Wait till a woman leaves you.
40:03That'll stink.
40:06We were 11 years old like when a woman leaves us.
40:11I hope Little League coaches and people in that capacity
40:14still drop off little gyms like that to kids.
40:18Growing up in the 80s and 90s, you'd have those coaches, man.
40:21They'd smell like a little polo green, a little bush light, you know.
40:24They'd be your third base coach.
40:26You'd hit a triple, slide in.
40:28They'd go, that's what I'm talking about.
40:29Way to hit the ball.
40:30Look at me, son.
40:31Do not ever get married, okay?
40:34All right, here we go.
40:35Two, three, look alive.
40:36Two, three, look alive.
40:44Oh, man.
40:47It's fun looking back on this stuff, man.
40:50It really is.
40:51The game Twister was a wild one.
40:54It really was.
40:55I mean, I was shocked we were allowed to play Twister growing up.
40:58I mean, in the home I grew up in, they wouldn't, I had a crush on Ashley.
41:01They wouldn't let me near her.
41:02And then they would pull out Twister.
41:04And they'd go, hey, Ashley, come touch the yellow dot.
41:08Then they'd go, hey, Derek, come sit on Ashley's neck and touch the blue dot.
41:13They'd pull it out at the youth group.
41:14I'd go, finally, this Sunday's going my way, you know.
41:18I'm upside down under a dress leading the points.
41:21This is crazy.
41:24Twister should be for single 30-year-olds who can't figure it out.
41:29We pull out Twister and we go, everybody that struggles with eye contact and wants a family,
41:33grab a dot.
41:41The pantsing game was the craziest game.
41:44No rules, no teams, just a weird curiosity.
41:49And there were some hard lessons learned.
41:51We all didn't hit puberty at the same time.
41:54I remember we pulled down Tony Johnson's pants and we went, hey, Tony, you can't play with us anymore.
42:00I go, we're all still kids, Tony.
42:02You clearly have a family.
42:10It was a wild game, man.
42:12And it was out of control.
42:14You'd be talking to your principal.
42:15Your best friend would come up and go, how about this right here?
42:19And you know what the timing?
42:21That the popularity of wind pants and pantsing collided in the 90s.
42:26You couldn't find a leather belt in 96.
42:30Our pants either ripped off with snaps or slid to the ground.
42:34It was warfare in middle school.
42:37I was 10 years old, white knuckling my gym shorts.
42:40I was like, I'm not ready.
42:41Let mine cook a little longer, man.
42:46The weirdest thing about that game is they'd pull your pants down, point at you and go, you're gay and
42:50take off running.
42:51Do you remember how confusing that was?
42:54You were like, there's no way I'm gay.
42:58That happened very fast.
43:01I was so confused.
43:02It didn't make sense to me.
43:04I was like, is this what happened to Elton John?
43:05This is crazy.
43:07Somebody pulled his pants down and he went, you messed up, man.
43:10I'm going to write Tiny Dancer.
43:12Yeah.
43:13Make a career out of it.
43:19It's fun looking back on this stuff, man.
43:23I've grown up a lot since then.
43:25A lot's happened, you know.
43:26Like, I haven't drank in five years.
43:28Really excited about that.
43:30Yeah.
43:36I mean, I'll have like a beer like once a year because I'm terrified of being completely sober.
43:41Because my friends that are, they're insufferable, you know.
43:45It's like, I'm rooting for you, Chris.
43:46But if you tell me your story again, I'm going to have to take a shot to hear it, you
43:50know.
43:51You're pushing me the other way.
43:53And I know that sounds like a tough take, but my friends that have beaten hard drugs are the most
43:57humble people I've ever met.
43:59I got a buddy that beat heroin in 2012.
44:01His testimony is strong now.
44:03And he will not share it unless he thinks you need to hear it.
44:07We're never out to eat.
44:08And I order soup, and he goes, hey, Derek, you know that spoon's going to get me.
44:16There's some good Christians that will not get that joke.
44:22It is a zinger.
44:25No, I wasn't an alcoholic.
44:27I got into mine in a different avenue.
44:30Fifteen years ago, I got two DUIs in six months.
44:34And I say six months because it sounds better than four.
44:38And I don't condone drinking and driving at all.
44:41But I did get my DUIs when we were still fighting for ourself.
44:45There was no Uber or Lyft.
44:47I mean, and if you're under the age of 30, you don't understand this.
44:50You've never seen your DD black out before.
44:54It's very scary.
44:55Tyler promised us he wouldn't drink.
44:57Tyler lied to us.
45:00And it took some teamwork back in the day, you know?
45:04And also, people, when I do this bit, they'll go, what about a taxi or a cab?
45:08And growing up in Harvest, Alabama, it's hilarious to hear that.
45:12Where I'm from, cabs are in the back of trucks, okay?
45:16And taxis are on Seinfeld.
45:18If you got left at the bar, you either lived there now or you drove home.
45:23And we didn't break up back in the day.
45:26We didn't splinter off our group.
45:27We went out together.
45:28We went home together.
45:30These people these days are the kings and queens of the Irish goodbye.
45:34Back in the day, if you got done drinking early, too bad.
45:37You just had to grab a Sprite and watch Daniel dance.
45:43And it took teamwork to get home.
45:45Now we're outside of the bar with four of our best friends.
45:47We know if we don't get a Mexican pizza, we could die as a group.
45:52You go, hey, Jeremy, can you drive?
45:53And Jeremy goes, I can no longer hear you.
45:57And you go, oh, no, Jeremy's had so many Jager bombs.
46:00Jeremy's deaf, man.
46:02And then you go, hey, Brandon, can you drive?
46:04And Brandon goes, if I can get a Gatorade and some Cheez-Its, I can lead us.
46:09And you go, zip your pants up, Brandon.
46:11You're driving, buddy.
46:17They don't under, these kids these days,
46:18they've never been stranded at a house party 30 miles outside of town.
46:23Completely stranded.
46:25Just left there with nobody you know.
46:27You're walking around a kitchen, going through a pantry like,
46:29I wonder what this family eats.
46:32They've never slept in a freezing cold sunroom,
46:35just laying on the floor using a rug as a blanket,
46:38looking out the window going, will daylight ever come?
46:44When you're from the country, you know,
46:47I have woke up and had breakfast with parents I had never met before.
46:53You're just in the kitchen eating scrambled eggs,
46:55going, no, man, I see why y'all moved out here, man.
46:58It's a big old yard.
46:59It's nice.
47:00Somebody's got to take me home.
47:09And I enjoy sharing that story because that is,
47:12that's a testimony with zingers, man.
47:14At Comedians, we take trauma and we find ways to make it funny.
47:17I didn't know that that was an entertaining story
47:19until I was on tour a couple years ago with Bert Kreischer.
47:23And we're on his tour bus,
47:25and Bert goes, hey, man,
47:26how does somebody from Alabama get into comedy?
47:29And I shared that story with him,
47:31and I was emotional sharing it.
47:33And Bert was laughing so hard that I realized I had something.
47:37And I told him at the end, I go, Bert,
47:39I know, man, I haven't drank in a long time,
47:41but what's even crazier is I have not drove in 15 years.
47:46I haven't drove since my second DUI.
47:49And Bert looked at me like some of y'all are.
47:51He was shocked, man.
47:52He goes, I've heard a lot of DUI stories.
47:55He goes, none of them end this way.
47:56He said, they all end the same way, Derek.
47:59They all end with, hey, Bert, I have not drank in 15 years.
48:03He goes, you just looked at me and said you have not drove in 15 years.
48:08He goes, I don't mean anything by this,
48:10but I do think you're the first person I've ever met
48:12that gave up the vehicle and not the booze.
48:18And in hindsight, unfortunately, he was correct.
48:21I couldn't believe it, the dots I was connecting,
48:24because I can remember thinking, this Jim Beam is not the problem.
48:27This Camry's bad luck.
48:30I go, every time I get in this thing, they pull me over, man.
48:40I don't smoke, I don't drink, but we've all got our vices, you know.
48:44I take edibles to go to bed at night.
48:47Yeah, I've tried Ambien, and I just, I'm not going to have color trails on my weather report.
48:54I tried melatonin, and melatonin's not built for a man like me.
48:59I needed something that can help me exit the chat, you know.
49:03I take it with intention.
49:04I take it to go to bed.
49:05I don't dabble in them.
49:06I really lean into them.
49:08Like, some of y'all think we're similar.
49:10You go, oh, I'm just like him.
49:1120 milligrams, I get out that leaf blower, that patio's in trouble.
49:16I'm different.
49:16I take 50 milligrams.
49:18I'm standing on my patio going, I am a leaf blower.
49:22Hoo!
49:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
49:25I like to take it up to where I'm scared in my own home, you know what I mean?
49:30Creeping around your own place, yelling around a corner.
49:33It's going to be hard to kill me!
49:35I know the layout!
49:38Looking down a dark hallway.
49:40Pawpaws, that's you?
49:46A few weeks ago, man, I got caught out on the sofa, riding some lightning.
49:53Unsolved Mysteries.
49:53Unsolved Mysteries came on.
49:55Unsolved Mysteries is the scariest show in the country.
49:59No, they've never solved a mystery.
50:02They're owing a million.
50:04It's just bad news.
50:05Every episode ends the same way.
50:08They go, David killed his whole family, left no fingerprints.
50:10We'll see you next Tuesday.
50:15I'm in there with tears in my eyes.
50:16I go, if we don't find David, he's going to kill every one of us.
50:19I'll grab my little pistol.
50:21I'm shooting into the bushes.
50:22I go, hey, David, you might have got your family, but I'm a little bit of a rascal, my man.
50:27It's just a .22.
50:29Raise your hand when I get you, okay?
50:31And that joke's better if you know what a .22 is.
50:35I'm not trying to kill him.
50:37I just want him out of the yard.
50:43I'll cook on edibles sometimes.
50:46Not 50 milligrams.
50:47That's too much.
50:49You think you're being creative.
50:50You need to lay down.
50:53Nobody wants whipped cream on their chicken nuggets, okay?
50:56That's not a sweet and savory.
50:58You're on Mars, Bubba.
51:0120 milligrams will put you where you want to be.
51:04Light and tight.
51:05Watch Chef's Table get inspired, you know?
51:08It feels like you're live on the Food Network.
51:10I start off my show behind the island in the kitchen.
51:13I like to squat down, and I'll pop up to start the show.
51:17Welcome to Derek's Deli.
51:19Today we're doing fried bologna sandwiches cut diagonally.
51:24I didn't know bologna was for poor people
51:26until I moved to the big city.
51:28Where we're from, it's a delicacy.
51:30I moved to New York.
51:31I go, hey, I love bologna.
51:32And they go, you know what, man?
51:33I've got a dollar on me.
51:35No, come here.
51:36Let me give you some turkey money to run around with.
51:44And I know my audience.
51:45There's some of y'all out there that there's no capacity
51:48that THC is okay with you.
51:50You know, I get that.
51:51But you boomers are getting into it the way you do, you know?
51:54A little CBD on your elbows, I see, y'all.
51:58Yeah, a little bit of that not going to hell, marijuana.
52:02Yeah, got a little bit of pickleball coming up.
52:04A little bit of pickleball.
52:06Yeah.
52:08They're going to turn it into a vapor rub
52:10and have y'all in a headlock, man.
52:12You're going to be sitting there watching The Price is Right
52:14when nobody's looking.
52:15A little, hey, hey.
52:17Showcase!
52:24It's fun to talk about this stuff, man.
52:27It really is.
52:28I mean, it's hard for me not to talk about food on stage, you know?
52:35I try not to, you know?
52:37But I've thought about food three times during this set.
52:40I mean, I can't help it, you know?
52:42I go, when I get home, I'm going to eat
52:44and just rub my feet together until I pass out.
52:48Rubbing your feet together is underrated.
52:50I like to go to Texas Roadhouse and just burn them up.
52:54I'll be eating those rolls, just burning them up.
52:56You can smell the wool burning down there.
53:02I think it's tough as a big person when you get a stain on your shirt.
53:06It's the end of your day.
53:07Nobody respects heavyset people with stains on.
53:10Nobody cares anymore if you're fat.
53:12But if you show up just heavyset with a stain,
53:15they go, hey, look at me.
53:16Do not give up.
53:20It's crazy, man.
53:22Skinny people, if you get a stain on you, it's no problem.
53:25People go, what happened?
53:26Did a fat person spill something on you?
53:29Did a fat person drop honey mustard on your khakis?
53:32Because I know you don't live that life.
53:38Ice cream is my favorite thing.
53:41I love ice cream.
53:43I try to eat it every night.
53:44Sometimes I miss.
53:45It happens.
53:47But it's my favorite food.
53:49And I don't eat it fast.
53:50I eat it the way you should.
53:52I whittle my ice cream.
53:54I put my spoon on the side and I whittle it.
53:57I take a bite.
53:59I fix my bite.
54:00It looks like nobody's even eaten it, you know?
54:04I show it to my wife and I go, hey, looks like nobody's eaten it, doesn't it?
54:09I go, your boy's eaten it.
54:15I love to eat ice cream, man.
54:16And I hand it to Alyssa.
54:18She just attacks it.
54:19She's just going after it with a spoon.
54:21She's just there for the swirls and chunks.
54:24She hands it back to me.
54:25I go, it's going to take me an hour to grade this out.
54:33I go, I've never seen elevation changes in ice cream like this in my life.
54:38How you eat things matters.
54:40If you eat a Kit Kat like a cold cut, you should be tagged by the government.
54:46I was on a flight recently and a guy diagonaled from me.
54:49He had a bag of trail mix.
54:51He was bouncing the bag, picking out what he wanted.
54:54Bouncing the bag, picking out what he wanted.
54:56You get what you get.
54:58No, it's a trail of mix.
55:03Not everybody wants cashews and raisins, but it's the game we play.
55:08Trail mix is like life.
55:09You hope for the best, but you have to take what happens.
55:13You stick your hand down in the bag, and sometimes you go, yeah.
55:16And sometimes you go, no.
55:18But you go, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
55:28I do love to eat.
55:30I had to save this for towards the end of the show, because I know how y'all are, but
55:34I am a cat guy, which I know, I mean, that took all the energy you cat people had.
55:43I'm a loud person for a cat guy.
55:46I am.
55:47But I'm also brave for bringing up that I'm a cat person.
55:50In the South, I mean, y'all know, y'all give cat people a hard time, really project on
55:56them.
55:56Like I told my dad, Bill, I go, hey, dad, I bought a cat.
55:59And he goes, that's a weird way to come out.
56:03And I go, that's not what happened, man.
56:08I just, if I had a dog, I'd break its heart, you know.
56:11But Jameson's in the window waving.
56:12He's like, bye.
56:17Cat people are nice people.
56:19They don't say anything to me after the show.
56:20Cat people are emailers.
56:23After the show, they'll shoot me an email, you know.
56:26They'll go, hey, Derek, my name's Catherine.
56:28I love cats, too.
56:29I've got seven.
56:30How many do you have?
56:32And I go, my goodness, Catherine, I can smell the piss through the keyboard.
56:37Thank y'all so much.
56:38Thank you for having me.
56:41I love y'all, man.
56:43Thank y'all so much.
56:45You're truly the best.
56:47Thank y'all.
56:48Thank you, man.
56:48Thank y'all.
56:50Have a great night.
56:51Thank y'all.
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