00:00Grandpa was obsessed with living forever, so he went out and caught himself a snake, one that had failed to
00:04transform.
00:05Just as he was about to dunk it in liquor to brew some immortality wine, the snake suddenly morphed into
00:09a woman and started talking.
00:11Let me go.
00:12When your grandson is born, I'll bless him with a lifetime of wealth and fortune.
00:17No disasters, no suffering.
00:19Grandpa heard it was about me, his unborn grandson, and his heart moved right then and there.
00:24Without a second thought, he let the woman go back into the mountains.
00:27At first, the whole family just laughed it off, thinking the old man had lost his mind.
00:31But the day I was born, the sky was crystal clear.
00:34Then out of nowhere, storm clouds rolled in.
00:36Rain poured down.
00:37The river outside the village flooded instantly, rushing all the way to our doorstep, and the whole village ran for
00:42their lives.
00:43Only my mother was trapped inside, stuck in the middle of a difficult labor.
00:47While everyone was panicking, Grandpa just stood there, eyes locked on the dark sky.
00:51Then a crack of thunder, and I let out my first cry.
00:55But before anyone could celebrate, a massive boom shook the ground.
00:58A pitch black coffin came crashing through on the flood water, straight into our backyard.
01:02A coffin at the door, three generations cursed, in feng shui.
01:06That's about as bad as it gets.
01:07But Grandpa didn't even flinch.
01:09He burst out laughing.
01:11This isn't a curse, it's a blessing.
01:13The water god is sending my grandson a wife.
01:15From that day on, Grandpa went full obsessive.
01:18He spent every waking hour buried in an ancient feng shui text, studying like a madman.
01:22He moved that black coffin right into his own bedroom, and when I was five, he bribed me with malt
01:27candy to kowtow to it, muttering the whole time,
01:30That in there is your future wife.
01:32Then he forced me to study feng shui under him for ten straight years.
01:35When I was eighteen, Grandpa was on his deathbed.
01:38He grabbed my hand, and with his last bit of strength told me two things.
01:41First, you must be buried in this black coffin, and people will come to steal it.
01:45Second, you must take good care of the woman inside.
01:47I agreed through tears, then immediately called my uncle over to open the coffin.
01:51We figured it'd be nothing but rotted wood and junk inside, but the moment the lid came off, everyone froze.
01:57Inside lay a woman, perfectly preserved, breathtakingly beautiful like something out of a painting.
02:02I was still staring in awe when a strange fragrance drifted out and spread across the entire village.
02:07My face dropped.
02:08This was no ordinary scent.
02:10This was corpse incense, the kind that travels for miles.
02:13Demons flee from it.
02:15Ghosts run from it.
02:16That's when I finally understood the terrifying truth behind Grandpa's second dying wish.
02:20I didn't hold anything back.
02:22I laid out Grandpa's whole deal with the snake woman.
02:24My dad shook with rage and kicked the coffin stand.
02:26My second uncle, the most level-headed of us all, was the first to pull himself together.
02:31He stared me down hard.
02:33Xiao Chen, what do we do now?
02:36My first instinct was to burn the corpse.
02:38But then I remembered what Grandpa once said.
02:40This incense is sacred.
02:42The woman had already cultivated a demon core inside her body.
02:44I was stuck.
02:46No way forward, no way back.
02:47Grandpa spent his whole life being useless and now he's dumping something like this on a kid.
02:51How is he supposed to survive?
02:53My uncle went dead quiet.
02:55None of us had an answer.
02:56I took a deep breath and made a bold call.
02:58Uncle, let's move her to the abandoned house up on the back hill.
03:02My uncle's expression stayed grim, but after a long pause, he nodded.
03:05I sent the villagers home, wrapped the corpse in black cloth, and carried her on my back,
03:10all the way up to the deserted hill behind the village.
03:12I found a clean room in the old house and gently set her down on the bed.
03:15The wind on the way up had helped.
03:17The incense had faded a bit.
03:18But just as I turned to leave, a bone-chilling cold crept up my spine,
03:22like a pair of icy eyes boring into my back.
03:25Was she reanimating?
03:27I spun around, but no.
03:28She was still lying there, eyes shut, completely still.
03:32I quickly scattered some pre-prepared ash to suppress the remaining incense,
03:35then turned to bolt.
03:36But just as I reached the door, thud.
03:39A yellowed old book slid right off the woman and hit the floor.
03:42My skin crawled.
03:43I forced myself to pick it up, shoved it back under her,
03:46locked the door, and sprinted down the hill.
03:47Grandpa's dying words?
03:49Already out of my head.
03:50Whoever wants this coffin wife can have her.
03:52Not my problem.
03:53But over the next few days, Grandpa's funeral went unusually smooth.
03:56I was almost relieved, thinking maybe something had already taken her.
04:00I was dead wrong.
04:01That night I couldn't sleep.
04:03Tossing and turning.
04:04Something just felt off.
04:06I finally gave in, grabbed a wooden club,
04:08and headed up to the old house in the dark.
04:11Halfway up the hill, I spotted several dark figures heading straight for the house.
04:14I ducked into the bushes and waited.
04:16When they got close, I gasped.
04:18These were no people.
04:19They were paper figures dressed in red and green burial clothes,
04:22and they were carrying a big red wedding palanquin.
04:25The curtain flew open, and out jumped a creature in a red chipau,
04:28a weasel spirit, walking upright like a man.
04:30And it spoke.
04:32My darling, your husband has come to take you home.
04:34That lit me up.
04:36You think just because I don't want her, you get to swoop in?
04:39I grabbed a rock and hurled it.
04:40The weasel went down hard, but it scrambled right back up,
04:43snarling and scanning around.
04:44Who's there?
04:45Show yourself!
04:46The second I threw that rock, I already regretted it.
04:48Then out of nowhere, the back of my neck went cold.
04:51The weasel had vanished and reappeared right behind me, grinning in my ear.
04:54I spun and grabbed it by the throat, slamming it into the ground.
04:57It let out a shriek, then raked its claws across the back of my hand.
05:00Two deep gashes, straight to the bone.
05:02I hissed in pain and let go.
05:04It glared at me and screamed,
05:05You little brat!
05:06You just messed with the wrong one!
05:08I'll rip your soul out and peel your skin!
05:11I wasn't about to bow down to this thing,
05:12but just as I moved in, its tiny green eyes flashed.
05:16Suddenly, everything spun.
05:17My head felt like lead, my legs gave out.
05:19I'd been hit with a bewitchment.
05:21Paper figures started closing in from every direction.
05:23Right as they were about to surround me, I bit down hard on my tongue.
05:27The sharp pain snapped me back.
05:29I whipped out a talisman and threw it into the crowd of paper figures.
05:32They caught fire instantly and burned to ash.
05:34A few little weasel spirits hiding inside shrieked and scattered.
05:37The big one, Weasel King, stared me down.
05:40Those green eyes spinning, gearing up to hit me with another spell.
05:43I wasn't giving him the chance.
05:45I flung a talisman straight at him.
05:46He dodged fast, rolling out of the way.
05:49I could tell he was scared of the talismans,
05:50so I pulled another one and chased him down.
05:52Then he suddenly spun around, lifted his tail,
05:54and blasted a wave of rancid yellow smoke right in my face.
05:57This hundred-year-old menace nearly knocked me out cold right there.
06:00My eyes were streaming.
06:01I stumbled back, gagging.
06:03The Weasel King took the opening and bolted with his crew.
06:05As he ran, he threw back a threat.
06:07You picked the wrong fight, kid.
06:09Weasel King will make you pay.
06:11By the time I recovered, they were long gone.
06:14I pushed into the house and stared at the woman on the bed, fuming.
06:17If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be out here brawling with a gang of weasel spirits.
06:20I vented, changed into clean clothes, then stared at her again.
06:23Still no idea what to do.
06:25Maybe it was the adrenaline from the fight,
06:27but I found myself lying down beside her.
06:28It was the only halfway decent place to sleep in this whole abandoned house.
06:31The second I lay down, the incense in the room surged.
06:34It turned into a warm current that flooded through my entire body.
06:37By the time I realized something was wrong, I couldn't move.
06:40My eyelids felt like concrete.
06:42And then, I heard rustling from right beside me.
06:45She was waking up.
06:46My stomach dropped.
06:47I was done for, about to get my life force drained.
06:50But then, something soft and cool pressed gently against my lips.
06:53Not biting, just a light, delicate touch.
06:56That icy cool feeling sent a wave through my chest I couldn't explain.
07:00A few seconds later, she quietly lay back down.
07:03And I drifted off to sleep.
07:04I jolted awake the next morning.
07:06First thing I did was check on her.
07:07Still lying there, calm and still.
07:10But when I looked closer, her body had shifted slightly outward.
07:13Like she was trying to get away, I reached over and pressed my hand to her chest.
07:17After a long moment, I confirmed it.
07:19Still no heartbeat.
07:20My face went red.
07:21I felt like I'd done something wrong.
07:23Before I left, I muttered at her,
07:26I'd barely stepped out of the old house when I felt eyes on me.
07:29A small weasel spirit had been tailing me the whole time.
07:31I ignored it, went straight home, and locked myself in my room.
07:34When I flipped open the first page of the book, my jaw dropped.
07:38This was the second volume of Grandpa's feng shui manual,
07:41the one he'd always been missing.
07:42It all clicked.
07:44Grandpa's cultivation had always been half-baked,
07:46and now I knew why.
07:47He never had this core volume.
07:48And this book wasn't originally his.
07:50He must have taken the first volume from the woman's clan years ago,
07:53and she had been holding on to the second.
07:55The content inside was unlike anything I'd ever seen.
07:58It shattered everything I thought I knew about feng shui.
08:01I couldn't fully grasp it yet, but I knew it was on another level.
08:04The next day, I grabbed a rooster from the chicken coop
08:06and headed back to the old house.
08:08That little weasel spirit was still on my tail the whole way.
08:11I smirked to myself.
08:12You can't keep a weasel away from a chicken.
08:14This corpse was nothing but trouble,
08:16and I needed to deal with the weasel king once and for all.
08:19When I got to the old house,
08:20I slaughtered the rooster right there in the yard.
08:22I made sure to splash the hot blood everywhere.
08:24The thick iron smell hit the air fast.
08:27The little weasel's eyes went bright green with hunger.
08:29But I wasn't after the small fry.
08:31I wanted to wipe out the whole crew.
08:32I tossed the whole chicken into the pot to cook,
08:34then set up several snares around the woman's bed.
08:37Then I tore off the chicken's rear end
08:38and chucked it into the tree line like I was throwing it away.
08:40The little weasel couldn't resist.
08:42It bolted after it.
08:44The second it was gone,
08:45I set traps all around the outside of the yard,
08:47dropped a piece of half-raw chicken in each one,
08:49covered every snare with leaves.
08:51Everything was set.
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