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Short filmTranscript
00:00:37Hey, so, uh, I kind of have a surprise for you.
00:00:45A surprise?
00:00:46Yeah, sort of like a gift.
00:00:49You got me a gift?
00:00:51Aw.
00:00:53Wait, did I miss an occasion or something?
00:00:56Did I forget our anniversary?
00:00:57No, no, I just thought you might get a kick out of it.
00:01:00Oh, wow.
00:01:04You know, don't get too excited.
00:01:06I mean, you might hate it.
00:01:07Okay, fine.
00:01:07I will not judge it until I decide if I hate it or not.
00:01:23What do you think?
00:01:26Pretty nuts, right?
00:01:29What is that?
00:01:31It's a huge tattoo.
00:01:34Of us.
00:01:37So, uh, thoughts?
00:01:43I hate it.
00:01:55Alexa, stop!
00:02:01So, uh, what do you hate about it?
00:02:03Everything.
00:02:04Okay.
00:02:05I would really love to know who the tattoo artist is because, wow.
00:02:08What?
00:02:09Brian, I look horrendous.
00:02:10How did you think I was going to like a tattoo of me looking like Sloth from the Goonies?
00:02:13Okay, I feel like you're attacking me now.
00:02:15I feel like you're attacking me with that tattoo.
00:02:17Okay, oh my god.
00:02:19Will you just stop?
00:02:20So, do you deny that that tattoo is stupid?
00:02:23No, but I thought that was part of the fun.
00:02:24No, this would only be fun if it turned out that a toddler had drawn it with a sharpie.
00:02:29Oh my god.
00:02:29You know, what I did was impulsive and probably kind of dumb, but honestly, you know, how you're
00:02:33reacting is so much worse.
00:02:35Well, my reaction is far less worse than that abomination.
00:02:40You know, whenever I go and do something, you always default to this negative, cynical energy
00:02:45that translates into you belittling me.
00:02:47So, anything you do, no matter how insane or bizarre, I'm just supposed to be like, cool?
00:02:52I'm so happy that you have a picture of me looking like a melted wax figurine permanently
00:02:56on your torso.
00:02:57That is so far from the reality of this situation.
00:03:00You have been dating me for two years, okay?
00:03:02You absolutely knew that this was going to be my reaction.
00:03:06I didn't.
00:03:06Yeah, you did.
00:03:07I didn't.
00:03:08I think that you did this on purpose so that you could once again play the victim.
00:03:12I am never the victim.
00:03:14Oh, you are always the victim.
00:03:16Okay, well, if I'm always the victim, then that makes you always the assailant.
00:03:19Oh, so I'm the assailant now.
00:03:20No, you're not an assailant.
00:03:22You're a black hole.
00:03:23And I, like, I don't mean that as a fat joke because, you know, you're in good shape.
00:03:26What I mean is you are a void that sucks up the things I offer, like romantic gestures
00:03:31or compliments or vacation ideas, and you crush them into, like, this infinitely small mass
00:03:36that light can't even escape from.
00:03:38Your compulsive desire to pulverize everything positive I do, it, like, defies the laws of
00:03:43gravity and physics.
00:03:44I would rather be a black hole than a middle school emo crybaby.
00:03:49Every single challenge in life, instead of going, hey, maybe let me meet this with some
00:03:53kind of level of composure and dignity, I'm gonna instead throw a big old tantrum and
00:03:58blame my girlfriend.
00:03:59Look at me.
00:04:00Look at me.
00:04:01I'm Katie.
00:04:02I'm a robot.
00:04:03I work every minute of every day to avoid addressing my strange relationships and personal life.
00:04:07On my deathbed, I'm gonna regret spending my whole life completing meaningless tasks.
00:04:12I work a job that I have trouble describing what it is I actually do.
00:04:16I am overcompensating in order to win the approval of my parents.
00:04:20What the hell's that mean?
00:04:21Oh, great, great.
00:04:22Yeah, maybe you should show the neighbor your nifty new tattoo.
00:04:25You know, I bet they're gonna be more supportive than my girlfriend.
00:04:31What the f*** is going on in here, man?
00:04:33I'm sorry, we're having a bit of an argument, you know, we'll try and keep it down.
00:04:36Alexa, stop!
00:04:37Hey, man, I got kids upstairs, man.
00:04:39They don't need to hear this toxic shit.
00:04:41They don't need that.
00:04:42Like I said, I apologize, we'll keep it down.
00:04:44Alexa, stop!
00:04:45Who in the hell fights over this new wave shit?
00:04:47The Alexa broke.
00:04:48Honestly, I don't like it either.
00:04:49It's her music.
00:04:50Listen, man, this is supposed to be a quiet, family-friendly duplex.
00:04:53We promise we're gonna be very family-friendly from now on.
00:04:56Alexa, okay!
00:04:57Stop!
00:05:14I get it, man.
00:05:16We all go through this.
00:05:18We all have fights.
00:05:19But you guys, your fights are so different, man.
00:05:22They're cold.
00:05:23I mean, they're sad.
00:05:25I mean, f***, they're empty.
00:05:26God damn, you guys are f***ing sad.
00:05:44Oh, I think we can both agree that was pretty embarrassing.
00:05:49Look, this has become unsustainable.
00:05:53I assume you're talking about our relationship?
00:05:56Yeah.
00:05:57You know, I just don't see any reality where this works long-term.
00:06:02Yeah, that might be the case here.
00:06:08So, uh, what's next?
00:06:14Well, this might be a little inappropriate, but, um...
00:06:19Is it okay if I keep the apartment?
00:06:22I mean, all my mail for my business comes here, and I spent all the time finding this place and
00:06:27decorating it, and you didn't do much.
00:06:30No, that don't make sense.
00:06:34Great.
00:06:38Really regretting the tattoo.
00:06:52A lot of people don't want to know the truth.
00:06:54Someone's fallen on the streets.
00:06:55Every puppet has a master.
00:06:56It's Chase Bank.
00:06:57It's the Bush administration.
00:06:58People either want to be controlled or they want to be in control.
00:07:00I know what I want.
00:07:02Now, I've got someone to embrace.
00:07:05The chords are good.
00:07:07I think I'm doing what I was expecting, but it's fine.
00:07:09I think I go through all the annual course from last year.
00:07:12I've met forever one to be a part, part.
00:07:17Don't you feel the times I'm coming?
00:07:20Cause I feel it so strong.
00:07:23I've been on hold, no, baby.
00:07:27Don't you feel the times I'm coming?
00:07:31When it feels so right to dance in the mood, I've been being with you.
00:07:46Hey, uh, yeah.
00:07:48So I am going to come to your house right now.
00:07:53Yeah.
00:07:54You love her.
00:07:56Yeah, it's just...
00:07:57I think of you and all my troubles.
00:08:01I've got a lot of trouble.
00:08:02I've come without a trace.
00:08:07From all the things that I've used.
00:08:12I know I love you see us through.
00:08:17Don't you feel the times I'm coming?
00:08:20Cause I feel it so strong.
00:08:23I've been on hold, no, baby.
00:08:26Don't you feel the time
00:08:29Stop calling
00:08:30When it feels so bright
00:08:33To dance in the moonlight
00:08:35Baby with you
00:08:56It's like the moment he showed me the tattoo
00:08:58I knew I could never look at him the same
00:09:00I mean, he might as well have thrown an old lady down a flight of stairs
00:09:03It's like I can't unsee it
00:09:04Totally
00:09:05Just imagining that idea
00:09:06Hopping into his head
00:09:08And him going, hmm, this is a good idea
00:09:09And then just like scampering into a tattoo parlor
00:09:12And getting it done
00:09:12Kind of makes me sick
00:09:13Totally, it's sickening
00:09:15And you should have seen the way that he showed me the tattoo
00:09:18It was like he was this weak little puppy
00:09:20Just begging for my approval
00:09:23Puppy, gross
00:09:24You know, and it's not like he has to have it together all the time
00:09:27But it's like have a backbone sometimes, man
00:09:30It's I am your girlfriend
00:09:31I am not your mother
00:09:34Mother
00:09:37Are you even listening?
00:09:40Yeah
00:09:44Okay
00:09:44Katie
00:09:45Have you ever tried dating someone that seems less like a guy
00:09:49And more like an animal?
00:09:51What?
00:09:52Katie
00:09:53Right now I am seeing this guy that just feels
00:09:57Dangerous
00:09:58He works out all the time
00:09:59He does MMA
00:10:00He takes steroids
00:10:01He drives recklessly through neighborhoods with like kids in the streets
00:10:04He has all these guns
00:10:07And his dick is just
00:10:10It's huge
00:10:12Honestly, I think it's too big
00:10:14But I don't know actually
00:10:15I think it suits him
00:10:16Anyway, what I'm trying to say
00:10:17Is after years of dating
00:10:18Like the down-to-earth self-aware type, right?
00:10:21I am just refreshed
00:10:23Dating someone who feels like he's gonna fly off the handle
00:10:25Like last week we were at this restaurant
00:10:27And he just started screaming at our server
00:10:29I mean he totally lost it
00:10:30Thought he was gonna like break a bottle
00:10:31And start stabbing people
00:10:33It was like a movie
00:10:36The point is
00:10:39It was really hot
00:10:42And I think Katie
00:10:44Deep down inside
00:10:46Whether you want to admit it or not
00:10:49You need something like that in your life
00:10:55I think I'm good on that
00:10:58I think what I really need is someone who knows what he wants
00:11:00I know what I want
00:11:01I don't compare myself to other people
00:11:03I don't judge myself
00:11:04I just want someone to meet me on that level
00:11:06I want a man who is as secure in his life as I am
00:11:16Yeah
00:11:18I'll be right back
00:11:27Natalie!
00:11:28Oh my god, hey
00:11:29How are you, girl?
00:11:31I'm good
00:11:32I'm so good
00:11:35It's good to hear from you
00:11:36It has been way too long
00:11:37Yeah
00:11:38Yeah, I think the last time we saw each other
00:11:40Was mom's awkward Zoom call
00:11:42Ugh, I knew the day of reckoning would come
00:11:44When she learned how to use video chat
00:11:48So, how are you?
00:11:49What's going on?
00:11:50Well, I actually wanted a call to let you know
00:11:53I'm in town
00:11:57Really?
00:12:00Wow!
00:12:01Yeah!
00:12:02I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner
00:12:04But it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing
00:12:06Where Luke and I wanted to visit some friends
00:12:07How long are you guys in town for?
00:12:10Only a few days, actually
00:12:12Oh no!
00:12:14Yeah, I wish I could stay longer
00:12:16But you know how things get
00:12:18Anyway, I know this is so, so last minute
00:12:20And feel free to say no
00:12:21But Luke and I are going to this really small dinner party tonight
00:12:25At a friend's place
00:12:26And I wanted to see if you wanted to come
00:12:32You still there?
00:12:34Yeah!
00:12:35Yeah!
00:12:36Did she say tonight?
00:12:37Yeah!
00:12:38Again, it's totally fine if you can't make it
00:12:41I just wanted to get a chance to see you
00:12:43Yeah!
00:12:44Yeah, I can be there
00:12:46Yeah, no problem
00:12:47You sure?
00:12:50Absolutely
00:12:50Oh my god, that's so great
00:12:52I can't wait to hear everything that's going on with you
00:12:57Yeah, I'm so excited
00:12:59Great!
00:13:00Wait, oh, are you still with, um
00:13:02I'm so sorry, I forget his name
00:13:05Brian
00:13:05Yes, Brian!
00:13:07Are you still together?
00:13:13Yeah
00:13:14Yeah
00:13:15We're
00:13:16We're totally
00:13:17We're so good
00:13:19Great!
00:13:20Well, he's more than welcome to come along
00:13:22I'd love to finally meet him
00:13:25We'll both be there
00:13:25Awesome!
00:13:27Well, I've got to run
00:13:28But I'll text you when he does
00:13:29Okay, um
00:13:31I'm so excited
00:13:32I can't wait to see you, Katie
00:13:35Bye!
00:13:44Oh my god
00:13:44Have you seen Rachel's new wedding photos?
00:13:46Barf
00:14:01So, you're saying your relationship would have fallen apart anyway
00:14:04Because her sense of humor isn't as good as yours?
00:14:09No
00:14:10I would never say that
00:14:11Okay
00:14:12I mean, her sense of humor, to be honest, definitely doesn't match mine
00:14:15I mean, she never got like subtle jokes and ironic gestures, obviously
00:14:20And yeah, that probably would have led to us eventually breaking up
00:14:24But I feel like it's more about her inability to communicate
00:14:27You think she doesn't listen to you?
00:14:29No
00:14:29Obviously she listened
00:14:31She just didn't listen
00:14:33You know?
00:14:34For example, I have told her on multiple occasions, you know
00:14:38I'm allergic to wine
00:14:39I know, and it's weird
00:14:41But I am
00:14:41I get flushed
00:14:42My stomach acts up
00:14:44I feel like complete garbage
00:14:45But like clockwork, once a month
00:14:47She'll be like
00:14:47Oh my god
00:14:48We gotta try this new place
00:14:49Cafe Pazazza
00:14:50I mean, it honestly feels like a slap in the face when she does that
00:14:53Yeah, man
00:14:54That's super disrespectful
00:14:55No, it's not super disrespectful
00:14:57It just shows she has no consideration for anyone but herself
00:15:01I just think she is deeply emotionally insecure
00:15:05You know?
00:15:06She's in a relationship
00:15:07But what's even the point?
00:15:08She never wants to do anything fun
00:15:10We never go on trips because of her work
00:15:12She never really listens
00:15:13She says I love you
00:15:14But after dating someone for two years
00:15:16That's mandatory
00:15:18I don't think she has a definition of what love is for her
00:15:22And to be perfectly honest
00:15:23My love might be too strong for her
00:15:25You know, my love is pretty strong
00:15:28I sort of wonder if she can't fully comprehend the power of my love
00:15:36You know?
00:15:40Yeah, um
00:15:43Yeah, there's definitely a lot to unpack there
00:15:48You know, it's tough for me to be sort of neutral in all this because
00:15:51Katie and I haven't really seen eye to eye on most things
00:15:58The one piece of advice I can give you is that
00:16:01Even though you're going through a tough time
00:16:04I think what happened is good
00:16:06I think this is a great opportunity for you to find some change in your life
00:16:10You know, during the next chapter
00:16:12But it's important to remember that when you read a book
00:16:14You don't go back and read a chapter twice
00:16:16You move on
00:16:16You continue with the story
00:16:20Because I think you're going to find there's some way better chapters ahead of you
00:16:24Because honestly, that last one, I don't think was that great
00:16:28Whatever you do, don't go back
00:16:30Because that is unhealthy and toxic
00:16:31In my opinion, pretty unlikable
00:16:32So
00:16:34Move on
00:16:38You know, Derek, you're completely wrong
00:16:42Because I already have
00:16:46Okay, great
00:16:53Oh, hello, Katie
00:16:54Hello, Derek
00:16:56Is Brian here?
00:16:57He is, but he doesn't want to speak to you right now
00:16:59Hey, actually, I'm going to talk with her for a minute
00:17:01What are you doing?
00:17:01We just got done talking about chapters
00:17:03No, I know, don't worry, it's cool
00:17:04No, it's not cool, it's not cool at all
00:17:05Just be a minute
00:17:06I really appreciate you looking out for me
00:17:07Thank you so much
00:17:08Brian
00:17:14So, hey
00:17:17Hi
00:17:18I think we both said some things this morning that we didn't mean
00:17:22Sure
00:17:24You know, I was heated
00:17:25You were heated
00:17:27We were heated
00:17:29And I was just
00:17:31Wondering
00:17:32If
00:17:33We could just both acknowledge that we were wrong
00:17:35And then
00:17:37You know, move on
00:17:39Are you apologizing?
00:17:40No
00:17:41God, no
00:17:42But I'm not asking you to
00:17:44Either
00:17:46Okay
00:17:47That's
00:17:47That's fair
00:17:50Okay, so
00:17:50I kind of told my sister that you were coming to the party
00:17:55So you told your sister I was going to be at the dinner party
00:17:58I did
00:18:00I did, yeah
00:18:01That's pretty weird that you would say that
00:18:03I know
00:18:05But
00:18:06Either way
00:18:07I was
00:18:09Wondering if maybe
00:18:11You know
00:18:13I think what you're asking me to do is very unhealthy
00:18:16For you and for me
00:18:18We've gone through a profoundly traumatic experience
00:18:21And for us to put on some grotesque performance for your sister
00:18:24I think it's regressive
00:18:26I think it's despicable
00:18:27Oh my god, are you done?
00:18:30Okay, look, I get
00:18:31I have no right asking you this
00:18:32And I understand how pitiful I look right now, okay?
00:18:35But
00:18:35I'm saying
00:18:37This would really mean a lot to me
00:18:39If you did this
00:18:42Plus this could kind of be like
00:18:44Like our last hurrah
00:18:45Right?
00:18:46This is what
00:18:48Every couple wishes for when they break up
00:18:51Closure
00:18:53That's kind of poetic
00:18:57Plus I'll pay you
00:18:58A thousand dollars
00:18:59I'm a small business owner
00:19:01And you're doing me a service
00:19:06This isn't because of the money
00:19:07Because frankly, you know
00:19:08That's a little bit insulting
00:19:09But
00:19:11Yes
00:19:11I will do it
00:19:14Thank you
00:19:17No, no, stop, no
00:19:19Goddammit, Brian
00:19:19What the hell is wrong with you?
00:19:20It's like you've literally forgot
00:19:21Every single thing we talked about in the last hour
00:19:23You realize how bad this is going to screw you up, right?
00:19:25And this
00:19:26This is twisted
00:19:27Even for you
00:19:28You really should be ashamed of yourself, you witch
00:19:30Derek, Gary, A school is going to be fine
00:19:32Trust me
00:19:32This is what I need right now
00:19:33And I'm so glad that you helped me through this
00:19:35And I respect you so much
00:19:36And I love you
00:19:48Don't take this the wrong way
00:19:50But you need to get any clothes for this thing tonight
00:19:51My first impulse is to argue with you
00:19:53But I agree
00:19:55So you haven't talked to your sister in three years?
00:19:58I mean, not in person
00:19:58But we've talked to him a couple times
00:20:00Oh, well
00:20:01That's better than a normal conversation
00:20:05So your sister's a really successful lawyer?
00:20:08I mean, yeah
00:20:09She may partner at 29
00:20:10But, like, who cares?
00:20:11There were so many lawyers
00:20:12Especially in D.C.
00:20:13I mean, that's what makes it impressive, right?
00:20:15The fact that there's so many lawyers
00:20:20So your parents are probably pretty stoked
00:20:21That your sister's an important lawyer
00:20:23Yeah, they are, okay?
00:20:27Okay
00:20:30Okay, her Instagram is insane
00:20:32She travels all the time
00:20:34Wait, she's a workaholic attorney that travels?
00:20:36How is that possible?
00:20:37Oh, she's just one of these people
00:20:38Who travels to find herself
00:20:40Oh, God
00:20:42You know, I've been a few places in my life
00:20:43And I've never learned anything about myself
00:20:45It's a show
00:20:46Everything with those kinds of people is a show
00:21:11So
00:21:13Since we're lying about being together
00:21:15I thought that we could also
00:21:17Lie about your job
00:21:21You can see why I'd find that offensive, right?
00:21:23It's like
00:21:24We're already lying
00:21:25So
00:21:25Might as well just go for it
00:21:26Are you going to lie about your job?
00:21:28No
00:21:30Look, I love that you're a graphic designer
00:21:32It's creative and it's interesting
00:21:34And it's so cool
00:21:36But it's just
00:21:37Not really intimidating
00:21:38You think graphic designer
00:21:40Is like an inherently weak profession?
00:21:42No
00:21:42What I'm saying is that
00:21:43Someone who's like a CEO
00:21:44Or like a politician
00:21:47Has this menacing horror about them
00:21:49And it has nothing to do
00:21:50With how they act or their personality
00:21:52It's just their job title
00:21:53Do you always wish I had a job
00:21:55That terrified your friends?
00:21:56No
00:21:56I love that you love being a graphic designer
00:22:00Okay?
00:22:02You're just not the most career-oriented person
00:22:04You know, at the risk of sounding pretentious
00:22:06I feel like by now solely concentrating on my job
00:22:08I've kind of built a robust internal life
00:22:11You know, I watch movies
00:22:12I read books
00:22:13I reflect on things
00:22:14You reflect on things?
00:22:16I reflect on all sorts of things
00:22:17I reflect on culture
00:22:19The state of society
00:22:20Who I am
00:22:21What books do you read?
00:22:22You don't read books
00:22:23I do read books
00:22:24I do
00:22:31Did you have a specific job in mind?
00:22:33I was thinking
00:22:35Like an entrepreneur
00:22:36Absolutely not
00:22:37Every person I know
00:22:38Who calls himself an entrepreneur
00:22:39Is just a humongous piece of shit
00:22:41Fine
00:22:41Brian
00:22:42What imaginary job
00:22:43Would you like to have?
00:22:45Well, I was thinking
00:22:46Like maybe something like a scientist
00:22:48Like kind of like a climate change scientist
00:22:51There's no way in hell
00:22:52Anyone is ever going to believe
00:22:54That you're a scientist
00:22:55Is this just shit on Brian Day or something?
00:22:57I mean like
00:22:58The fact that I'm passionate about climate change
00:23:00Will add depth to my performance
00:23:02Can you just be an investment banker?
00:23:05Fine
00:23:05I can be an investment banker
00:23:07Great
00:23:14Yeah, so I don't know anything about investment banking
00:23:18I know a guy
00:23:59Well, this situation you're in Katie is quite strange
00:24:03I'd be lying if I said I wasn't genuinely intrigued
00:24:06I mean to be a part of such an elaborate ruse
00:24:11It's riveting
00:24:13It's tantalizing
00:24:15There's a seductive quality to it
00:24:18And I've actually always believed
00:24:20That there exists a sincere yearning
00:24:22Within each of us to
00:24:24Cast aside the banality of the me
00:24:26And to allow transcendence
00:24:27Through a type of performance
00:24:29Yes?
00:24:30All the world's a stage
00:24:32Etc
00:24:34But Katie, through this contrivance you've concocted
00:24:36You really get to do it
00:24:38I hope you excuse my greenish complexion
00:24:41For I am seething with envy
00:24:45Also, the way you describe your sister
00:24:46Sounds like a huge bitch
00:24:49She's a lot
00:24:51So you're cool teaching me about finance stuff?
00:24:57Of course
00:24:58Brian?
00:25:00Although I do admit
00:25:01I'm a little surprised, Brian
00:25:03That you're actually up for all this
00:25:04I mean, it must be kind of difficult
00:25:06After just getting dumped this morning, right?
00:25:08I think it's more of a mutual breakup thing
00:25:10But yeah, I think this is kind of a great way
00:25:12To find closure in our relationship
00:25:13That's what I said
00:25:14And I agreed
00:25:15Katie, as a deeply respected professional colleague of yours
00:25:18I have to say
00:25:19I would help you with anything
00:25:22But Brian
00:25:26Uh, Brian may not be able to glean
00:25:28The appropriate amount of financial know-how in time
00:25:31In order to pull off this glorious charade
00:25:33I don't know, I think I'm a pretty quick learner
00:25:34I just need the basics
00:25:36And maybe like some buzzwords you guys use
00:25:38He just needs to know what to say
00:25:39If someone asks him what he does for a living
00:25:41Brian is really good at making things up
00:25:43What the hell's that supposed to mean?
00:25:47Oh, I will be right back
00:25:49Arnold, thank you so much for doing this
00:25:50Okay
00:26:03So, where do we start?
00:26:14Hey
00:26:16What's up?
00:26:17Hey
00:26:17I didn't mean to pressure you into coming out tonight
00:26:20I really didn't mean to put you on the spot like that
00:26:22I know
00:26:23It's all good
00:26:25You didn't put me on the spot
00:26:28Just to sort of get a gauge of where you're at so far
00:26:30Are you familiar with how small businesses attract financing through venture capital firms
00:26:35In exchange for equity?
00:26:36Only in the broadest sense
00:26:38How about how early stage companies attain market entry
00:26:40Through the use of external funding and maybe
00:26:43Oh!
00:26:44Bootstrapping!
00:26:45What do you know about bootstrapping?
00:26:47I don't know much about that
00:26:49The one-one hub pre-seed founders core startup accelerators
00:26:51Through the use of idealization models
00:26:53What can you tell me?
00:26:54Anything from you?
00:26:56I'm so excited for tonight
00:26:58It will be great to finally get up to speed with each other
00:27:01Yeah
00:27:01Yeah, it's been way too long
00:27:04Way too long
00:27:05Way too long
00:27:09I guess an easy way to pretend like you know what you're talking about
00:27:13Is to go ahead and say that you're going through a Series J funding round
00:27:16With a small startup that's showing promise
00:27:18Series J?
00:27:20Sure
00:27:20As long as you can remember some of the big words
00:27:22And throwing a letter here and there
00:27:23Brian, you'll pass as a big old businessman
00:27:25Who knows all about this complicated money stuff
00:27:27Okay?
00:27:28I'm sensing a certain level of condescension being directed at me right now
00:27:31You're sensing it?
00:27:32Yeah, I'm also sensing a certain level of prickishness just sort of like emanating
00:27:37From this direction
00:27:38The direction I'm in?
00:27:39Yeah, I mean it's almost like you're a prick
00:27:43Great
00:27:44I'll grab a bottle of rosé
00:27:49I gotta go
00:27:50Bye
00:27:51Well, you can imagine how torn up I am about your assessment of my attitude, Brian
00:27:54Well, maybe you should be
00:27:55That way you might learn how to not be completely off-putting
00:27:57Guys!
00:27:58Guys, how did this escalate so quickly?
00:28:00Look, Katie, Katie
00:28:00I'm sorry to say it but I think Brian is a lost cause
00:28:02As I was graciously trying to impart some of my professional wisdom to him
00:28:04He began lashing out at me
00:28:06Due to what I assume is his lack of comprehensive abilities
00:28:08It's not his fault
00:28:08And he became increasingly defensive and extremely hostile to me
00:28:11I don't feel safe, I don't feel safe right now
00:28:12Please, the only reason I was defensive was because you were offensive
00:28:15The guy's been treating me like a patronizing kindergarten teacher from the moment he saw me
00:28:18Okay, Katie, look, I hate to say this
00:28:19I hate to say it
00:28:20Fuck!
00:28:21But there is a capacity to how much a person can learn and it ends
00:28:23And I think Brian has reached his limit
00:28:25Okay guys, I cannot handle this right now, okay?
00:28:27Thank you so much, Arnold
00:28:28Brian, get in the car
00:28:29Great, now you're patronizing me too
00:28:31Okay
00:28:31Uh, uh, Katie, Katie, Katie
00:28:33Um, uh, I'm so sorry
00:28:35I'm sorry about that
00:28:36You know, I didn't mean for that to happen
00:28:37Out of care
00:28:38I'm sorry
00:28:39It's fine, it's totally fine
00:28:41Okay, okay
00:28:41Okay, thank you for everything
00:28:43It was great seeing you
00:28:44It was great seeing you
00:28:45Um, if you ever need help in the future
00:28:48Truly with anything
00:28:49Any kind of work, you know, yard work, whatever
00:28:52I'm always here to help
00:28:53Uh, you
00:28:55Okay
00:28:56Okay
00:28:56Okay
00:28:57Okay
00:28:57I, I gotta go
00:28:58You're the best
00:28:59Okay
00:29:00I got, I, I gotta
00:29:01Okay
00:29:01Okay
00:29:02Got it
00:29:04Oh, God
00:29:16Ryan, were you going to attempt to learn anything or were you just gonna immediately be unpleasant?
00:29:21Honestly, I went into that situation as a complete sponge
00:29:24And Arnold might have ruined my interest in finance
00:29:26How do you even work with a guy like that?
00:29:28He has introduced me to dozens of clients
00:29:30Oh, well, what a gracious man
00:29:32Oh, what, do you think that he was attacking you for no reason?
00:29:35Oh, no, he had a reason
00:29:36Okay, so what was the reason?
00:29:39Please, are you really gonna play this game?
00:29:41I am not playing a game, Ryan
00:29:43You are actively playing a game
00:29:45All right, so wait, you think that he attacked you to impress me?
00:29:49Bingo
00:29:49Wow, okay
00:29:51No, we are strictly professional colleagues
00:29:55You are literally smiling while saying that
00:29:59Literally smiling because this is insane
00:30:02No, you're smiling because you're happy that you can rebound literally hours after we've broken up
00:30:06Okay
00:30:07I think there is a much bigger issue at play here
00:30:10Of course there's a bigger issue at play
00:30:12There's always a bigger issue at play
00:30:20You know, it is like a general rule that whoever is driving is in control of the music
00:30:27So I'm just gonna put it back on
00:30:32I can't get along without you
00:30:35Please pull out me
00:30:38I can't get along without you
00:30:44Ryan, you were acting hysterical
00:30:47You know, you think I'd be used to your like empathetic deficiencies by now, but today you really raised the
00:30:52bar
00:30:52What did I do?
00:30:54The relationship I've been in for two years literally ended this morning and now like four hours later
00:31:00I'm watching my ex flirt with some dude literally right in front of me
00:31:03I was literally not flirting
00:31:05Okay, you were literally making this up
00:31:07Part of me thinks you set this whole thing up just to with my feelings one last time
00:31:11Like some orca that tortures its prey before eating it alive
00:31:15I think that your feelings aren't even that hurt right now
00:31:18Yeah, I think that you're using this as an opportunity to be like
00:31:20Let me just like gaslight Katie make her feel like a sociopath so that I can take the moral high
00:31:26ground and make her feel bad about herself
00:31:28Well, you know what I am not the orca brian you are the orca
00:31:40Great yeah, go ahead go ahead and hang out with all the other marine life
00:32:07Alexa play Trinidad James all gold everything
00:32:15Alexa
00:32:19Alexa
00:32:24Hey
00:32:25Hey
00:32:27I'm having a really hard time right now
00:32:30Do you think I'm a sociopath?
00:32:32No, you're not charismatic enough
00:32:34I just think I really misread how brian is handling all this like completely
00:32:39And I know that this might not be good for him but I need him
00:32:42And I just like feel like shit
00:32:44Wait, who's brian again?
00:32:47Is that a serious question?
00:32:50Oh
00:32:51Oh yeah, never mind
00:32:52Um
00:32:53Yeah, no, he sucks
00:32:55Uh, you are too good for him
00:32:56And you just need to remember
00:32:58We're queens, girl
00:32:59And queens is our kings so
00:33:01Just remember that
00:33:33I don't want to apologize but
00:33:38I regret putting you through this
00:33:41If you don't want to do this it's fine
00:33:44You know it's probably like the better person thing to do
00:33:50I shouldn't say that you lack empathy or refer to you as a robot
00:33:54Uh, that's an easy dig on my part
00:33:58I'd like to go through with this thing tonight because I mean
00:34:01You know, why not, right?
00:34:06Just to be clear, you're not into Arnold, right?
00:34:10Oh my god, no
00:34:13No, I mean he's nice but he looks too much like an owl
00:34:16You know, what's nuts is I kind of thought he looked like a hawk
00:34:19He always looks like he's hunting, you know?
00:34:20Yeah, it's something about his head movement or something
00:34:23It's just like
00:34:28Yeah
00:34:37Who's Hannah?
00:34:41A friend
00:34:44Why haven't I heard of her?
00:34:48I don't know
00:34:54Hello
00:34:54I don't think you should
00:34:55Can I talk to her?
00:34:56No, this is Katie, Brian's girlfriend
00:34:58Well, ex-girlfriend
00:35:00Who is this?
00:35:01Oh, Hannah
00:35:04Hannah, you're Brian's friend
00:35:06And I've never heard of you
00:35:07I'm taking the phone
00:35:08Yeah, no, this is weird
00:35:09This is, this is really weird
00:35:10Oh yeah
00:35:12You heard about me?
00:35:14You're gonna spray me with pepper spray?
00:35:16Is that what you're gonna do?
00:35:17Cool, cool, cool
00:35:17Maybe you should go and stop being such a colossal whore
00:35:20I'm taking the phone
00:35:23Oh my god
00:35:25Shit
00:35:31How did you meet her?
00:35:33I met her about a year ago at a bookstore
00:35:35Okay, what is it with you and books?
00:35:36I've never even seen you read a book
00:35:38I read books
00:35:39Okay, I do read books
00:35:40Okay, so that's just one more thing that you're hiding from me
00:35:42Look, it's totally messed up that I hid this from you
00:35:44That was very unfair
00:35:46But I will say it was a completely platonic relationship
00:35:49There's absolutely no sex whatsoever
00:35:50I don't believe you
00:35:52And even if I did, then it's still cheating
00:35:54I legitimately believe that talking with Hannah helped our relationship
00:35:58What?
00:35:58When we hung out, it was almost like mutual therapy
00:36:01We just dump our emotional baggage and leave
00:36:04You know, by doing that, you got spared having to listen to a lot of my problems
00:36:08Because let's be honest, you kind of shut down whenever we talk about personal stuff
00:36:11Do you want me to pepper spray you again?
00:36:13I think you should meet her
00:36:16What?
00:36:16I think if you met her, you'd understand how innocent our relationship was
00:36:20Okay
00:36:23Okay, why?
00:36:24Okay, let's meet her
00:36:27Okay
00:36:28Okay
00:36:29Okay
00:36:30Okay
00:36:31Okay
00:36:31Okay
00:36:42Okay
00:36:43Okay
00:36:44Okay
00:36:44Okay
00:36:44Okay
00:37:25So, thank you for letting us be here and talk with you.
00:37:29I know this is weird, but thank you.
00:37:34And thank you, you know, for being willing to come here and hear what this is all about.
00:37:54Who are you?
00:37:56I'm Chris.
00:37:58Okay.
00:38:03So, um, I'll be honest, I don't really know what to say right now.
00:38:08Okay, so you guys have been seeing each other for a year?
00:38:12Yes.
00:38:13Did you know that he was dating me?
00:38:16Yes, I did.
00:38:17And did you feel guilty that he was in a relationship?
00:38:21No, because I'm not responsible for what Brian does.
00:38:26Do I think it was morally wrong he didn't tell you about me?
00:38:29Maybe.
00:38:29Probably.
00:38:30But it's not my place to judge.
00:38:33Did you sleep with him?
00:38:35No.
00:38:36How do I know you're not lying?
00:38:39You don't.
00:38:40I will say this, and you can choose to believe me or not, but I am sincerely not attracted
00:38:47to Brian sexually or physically in any way.
00:38:51It's hard to explain, but to me there is actually nothing romantic about Brian at all.
00:38:57I almost see him as the antithesis of romance.
00:39:00Okay, uh, let's pause here for a second.
00:39:03Uh, I'm the antithesis of romance?
00:39:06It's like, it's not like I'm some sort of swamp creature or something.
00:39:10I think I'm an okay guy here.
00:39:12I'm not saying I see you as a swamp creature.
00:39:15To me, you're more like a child or a dog.
00:39:20You could see how I could find that insulting, right?
00:39:24You're completely allowed to be offended by how I think of you.
00:39:27Well, I don't think you actually think of me like that.
00:39:29You're allowed to think that.
00:39:30Please stop allowing me to do things.
00:39:32Brian, when you would come over and talk about your problems and cry about various existential
00:39:37crises you were having, in those moments I viewed myself as a sort of counselor or mother.
00:39:43That's completely healthy.
00:39:45I don't think this is an accurate depiction of our relationship.
00:39:48Okay, um, hold on.
00:39:51Why did you want to hang out with a man who acts like a baby?
00:39:55It's hard to explain, but I love watching men experience profound emasculation.
00:40:03Wow.
00:40:05Okay, let's just be clear.
00:40:06I am not a child.
00:40:07I am not a dog.
00:40:09And I am not a baby.
00:40:10I'm not saying you are.
00:40:11I'm saying that's how I see you.
00:40:12This was a mutual thing.
00:40:13We both shared our problems with each other.
00:40:15No, you told me about your problems.
00:40:17I didn't tell you mine.
00:40:18Yes, you did.
00:40:19No, Brian.
00:40:20I didn't.
00:40:21Why do you like to watch men act pathetic?
00:40:25To say my father was a masculine figure would probably be an understatement.
00:40:32He hunted.
00:40:33He drank.
00:40:34He gambled.
00:40:35He fought.
00:40:36One day, he blacked out and crashed his Mustang into our house.
00:40:40But it was in that moment I saw him do something I didn't think he was capable of.
00:40:47He cried.
00:40:48It was probably the most honest thing I ever saw my dad do.
00:40:53Boxing, cigars, big muscles, big trucks, big dicks.
00:40:58These things don't really do much for me.
00:41:01Even if a guy is genuinely into that stuff, due to my adolescent imprinting, it seems performative in some way.
00:41:07I know it probably seems strange, even regressive, but the idea of me comforting a gigantic adult-sized baby is
00:41:15exciting.
00:41:16It's intoxicating.
00:41:18I know a baby can't be adult-sized, but through the magic of roleplay, we get pretty close.
00:41:28One thing I will say is this.
00:41:29There's nothing like coming home to a 30-year-old man dressed entirely in Oshkosh-Bagosh.
00:41:35Hey, stop.
00:41:36What?
00:41:37I can't do this anymore.
00:41:39Do what?
00:41:41I'm not a baby.
00:41:42I never said you were.
00:41:44Oh, okay, so you just treat me like one.
00:41:46Sure, within the healthy boundaries that we both agreed upon.
00:41:49Hannah, there's nothing healthy about this.
00:41:51I don't understand.
00:41:52I'm a man, okay?
00:41:53I'm not a baby.
00:41:54I'm a man.
00:41:55Chris, calm down.
00:41:56You're having a tantrum.
00:41:57You don't realize how much this affects me.
00:41:59I'll be at work filling out spreadsheets wondering if I should drink my coffee through a bottle.
00:42:03I've had it.
00:42:03I thought you liked baby time.
00:42:04I did baby time because you wanted to do baby time.
00:42:07Do you think I like watching Peppa Pig and being called Big Boy and waddling around in diapers?
00:42:10It's roleplay.
00:42:11It's moved far beyond roleplay, Hannah.
00:42:13Also, I don't appreciate you working through your mother fantasies with other dudes.
00:42:16We agreed to an open relationship.
00:42:18Yeah, I thought you were going to bang other guys, not talk to losers about their feelings in our living
00:42:22room.
00:42:22Well, you definitely weren't complaining when you slept with my friend Maggie.
00:42:25Oh, yep.
00:42:26There it is.
00:42:27Can't let that one go.
00:42:28Now who's the baby?
00:42:58I'm having a hard time.
00:43:00Yeah, well, I don't blame you.
00:43:01I mean, that was something back there.
00:43:06I think I'm having a breakdown.
00:43:08Okay, fine.
00:43:09You're fine.
00:43:10Look, I'm not even mad at you anymore, okay?
00:43:12That wasn't cheating.
00:43:13I don't know what that was, but that definitely, that was not cheating.
00:43:17I just, just, all of that back there is sort of making me question a lot about myself.
00:43:23Well, maybe this is good for your growth.
00:43:25Hmm?
00:43:26I need to talk to somebody.
00:43:27Just relax, okay?
00:43:29At least you're not that Chris guy.
00:43:31Katie, I need some sort of professional help because I'm freaking out.
00:43:34Okay, look, the dinner is in like three hours.
00:43:36Can you just like freak out at another time?
00:43:37Katie, I need to talk to somebody or I'm going to lose it.
00:43:40Oh my God.
00:43:41What, what, well, what are we supposed to do?
00:43:44I don't know.
00:43:45I don't know.
00:43:46Brian, breathe.
00:43:47Oh my God.
00:43:48God damn it.
00:43:48Brian.
00:43:49What about that guy we both did work for a couple months ago?
00:43:51He has some sort of therapy business, right?
00:43:53Daryl is not an actual therapist.
00:43:55I don't care.
00:43:56I'm going to call and make an appointment.
00:43:57Oh, God damn it.
00:43:59God damn it.
00:44:14I'm not an actual therapist.
00:44:22When we talked a few months ago, you mentioned you did some sort of therapy outside your accounting business.
00:44:29You must have misunderstood.
00:44:32I trained therapy dogs for people suffering from mental trauma, PTSD, addiction, that sort of thing.
00:44:39Are they the dogs that walk around with blind people?
00:44:41No.
00:44:42Those are service dogs.
00:44:44Very different.
00:44:46Okay.
00:44:47Well, thanks, Daryl.
00:44:50I gotta get this.
00:44:52Hey, Arnold.
00:45:00Brian.
00:45:05Looks like you've been through the ringer.
00:45:09Yeah.
00:45:11I guess I have.
00:45:14What do you say we go out back and I introduce you to one of the dogs?
00:45:22I think I'd like that.
00:45:25Good.
00:45:28Good.
00:45:30Hey, uh, hey, Katie.
00:45:33Uh, how are you?
00:45:35I'm good.
00:45:36What's up?
00:45:37Well, I just wanted to call and apologize for what happened earlier.
00:45:41Uh, that was completely out of character.
00:45:43And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I should have been a lot more
00:45:45patient with, with you and Brian.
00:45:48Well, Brian requires a lot of patience.
00:45:51Ha ha.
00:45:51Right.
00:45:52Well, I certainly didn't mean for it to get very heated, which it did.
00:45:56Brian seems like a nice guy, a good guy.
00:45:59Maybe he's a little misguided.
00:46:01Maybe a little bit inarticulate.
00:46:02But good.
00:46:03Ultimately, to my mind, he seems very pleasant to me.
00:46:07Very pleasant.
00:46:07Well, I appreciate that.
00:46:09Right.
00:46:12So, Katie, how, how are you doing?
00:46:16I'm good.
00:46:17I can imagine this whole situation you're in must be utterly exhausting.
00:46:29When I got back from the Gulf, nothing made any sense.
00:46:35I think the biggest problem was in Kuwait.
00:46:37I knew exactly what I had to do.
00:46:40Every day, laid out.
00:46:44But when I got home, it was like, I couldn't figure out, I mean, who I was.
00:46:50Who I needed to be.
00:46:52You felt lost.
00:46:55Yeah.
00:46:57The next few years was all dope, booze, jail, cancer.
00:47:02I had a kid in there somewhere.
00:47:05Caused a whole lot of grief.
00:47:08When I reached the bottom, the only thing I had left was pain.
00:47:15Pain you can't run from or ignore.
00:47:19Pain that, it surrounds you, becomes part of you.
00:47:26Took a little while.
00:47:28But I finally figured out that all that pain I was feeling was not a burden.
00:47:34It was a gift.
00:47:37Because whether you like it or not, pain changes you.
00:47:43Hey, take it for what it's worth from an old stupid man like me.
00:47:49But do not run from pain.
00:47:53Let it hit you harder than a train.
00:47:57Because if you fight change, you're dumber than me.
00:48:05I think I know what you mean.
00:48:09The only thing is, I think there's a lot more change ahead.
00:48:14Oh yeah?
00:48:15Oh yeah.
00:48:16Big change.
00:48:17What, uh, what kind of change?
00:48:22I think a war is coming.
00:48:25A war?
00:48:27When I was in the service, the enemy was Saddam.
00:48:31Later, Al-Qaeda.
00:48:33But now, I think we're up against an enemy that I don't think we're ready for.
00:48:38What, uh, what kind of enemy?
00:48:43Brian.
00:48:45What do you know about the globalists?
00:48:50Imagine this whole situation is awful.
00:48:53The stress you're under.
00:48:55Oh my god.
00:48:56Yeah, I just hope that everything plays out well tonight.
00:48:59I'm sure everything will be fine, Katie.
00:49:01That's actually what you're good at, Katie.
00:49:03You know what you want.
00:49:04And you power through, make it happen.
00:49:07But you remain considerate, which is deeply refreshing to a guy like me.
00:49:11Well, thank you.
00:49:13Hey Katie, I was wondering, and this might be totally wacky.
00:49:17But do you think maybe sometime next week we could, perhaps, if you wanted,
00:49:23get a, grab a, get a, grab a coffee?
00:49:26What do you think?
00:49:29A coffee?
00:49:33I mean, think about it.
00:49:34They completely control media, tech, the banks, diamonds.
00:49:38All while engaging in pedophilia on a mass scale.
00:49:42I am counting the days until we all say,
00:49:44enough, we're coming after you.
00:49:47And we are not gonna stop until we get you.
00:49:50That's the day that I'm waiting for.
00:49:53I am just in such a weird place right now.
00:49:56I don't know where my head's at.
00:49:57I just, I feel like I just need some time to get my bearings.
00:50:03Uh, yeah, I totally understand.
00:50:05Katie, yeah.
00:50:06You know, if I, if I went through what you're going through,
00:50:08I'd, I'd, I'd be doing the same thing.
00:50:11Thanks, Arnold.
00:50:12You're just such a cool person.
00:50:14I mean, it's always been a goal of mine to be as cool as possible, so thank you.
00:50:19I gotta go.
00:50:20But, um, you know, stay in touch, bud.
00:50:23Oh, okay.
00:50:24Okay, bye.
00:50:24The greatest slip the world will have ever pulled off
00:50:26is to think of the world's thing that already exists.
00:50:57The greatest slip the world is to think of the world's thing.
00:50:59And you better believe the ATF has no idea what I have in the basement.
00:51:03All I know is when the signal's given, I will be the first one in the trenches
00:51:08to take back our country.
00:51:10Are you done with the dog?
00:51:12We really gotta go.
00:51:14Hey, uh, I think we need to talk.
00:51:18Oh, goddammit.
00:51:20So, in talking with Daryl, I've, I've heard some pretty wild things.
00:51:23But, um, I've also sort of realized that
00:51:28I, I can't do this.
00:51:30This thing we're doing is killing me because I, I still have feelings for you.
00:51:35Because, well, you know, I mean, we literally broke up a few hours ago.
00:51:40But now you're taking advantage of my feelings
00:51:42in order to do this whole thing with your sister.
00:51:44And honestly, that's, that's fine.
00:51:46You know, we've been in this emotional chess match for a while now.
00:51:51So, you know, good move.
00:51:53I just, I, I can't do it.
00:51:57And this isn't me trying to get one over on you.
00:52:01This is me saying I'm spent.
00:52:12Okay.
00:52:14Are, are you gonna say anything?
00:52:18I have nothing to say anymore, Ryan.
00:52:40This heart, it seems
00:52:48Sweet words to you
00:53:01We'll sit and smile
00:53:09As the world
00:53:12You're passing us by
00:53:18And I'll carry you so safely
00:53:25If only
00:53:28If only you'll take me
00:53:33Hey, Katie
00:53:35I think you did the right thing leaving him
00:53:38I know it's tough
00:53:40But you'll get through it
00:53:41That's strong, right?
00:53:42But you also look a wreck
00:53:44I mean, God damn
00:53:47I mean, look at you
00:53:50Oh my goodness
00:53:51Oh my goodness
00:53:53Oh my goodness
00:53:55This heart has weaved
00:54:02And it will fly to you
00:54:10This heart has weaved
00:54:37Hello
00:54:40Hey Arnold
00:54:49It's like, should I feel guilty, elated, angry
00:54:52Or is it like a, like a multi-emotional blend?
00:54:55Also, I'm still pissed she never remembers I'm allergic to wine
00:54:58I feel like my emotional state can only be described as like raw
00:55:02I'm at peak raw
00:55:03Which is either a very good thing or a very bad thing
00:55:07Yeah, and just a heads up
00:55:09I'm gonna need a lot of emotional support
00:55:11Probably over the next several months
00:55:13You know what I mean?
00:55:15I mean, it's like she doesn't even care about climate change
00:55:17Even though it's the issue of our generation
00:55:27So what do you think?
00:55:31Yeah, I think that
00:55:36I
00:55:39Cannot listen to any more of this shit
00:55:44I have been forced to tolerate the raw sewage
00:55:50That flows out of your mouth
00:55:52For way too long
00:55:56Every time you talk
00:55:58Like, it's shit in my ears
00:56:02And I nod
00:56:04And I go
00:56:06Yeah, that sucks, dude
00:56:08Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that
00:56:09That must be tough
00:56:12I mean, I get it
00:56:13Like, we all need to vent
00:56:15And we all have problems
00:56:16But I am not a sewer
00:56:20You can't keep gathering up all of your shit
00:56:24And saying
00:56:25Hmm, where do I put this?
00:56:26And then you
00:56:28You call me up
00:56:29And you come over to my house
00:56:31My home
00:56:32And you
00:56:34Dump it
00:56:36All over me
00:56:39You want my advice?
00:56:40Of course you don't
00:56:41What am I saying?
00:56:42You don't want my advice
00:56:42Well, I'm going to say it anyway
00:56:44You need help, okay?
00:56:46You don't need a girlfriend
00:56:47You need to take a good hard look at you
00:56:51And say
00:56:52Well, how do I fix this thing
00:56:54That is me?
00:56:56Because
00:56:57Brian
00:56:59You
00:57:00Are
00:57:01Very
00:57:02Very
00:57:03Very
00:57:05Stuff
00:57:07In your head
00:57:13You know what, Derek?
00:57:14You're completely wrong
00:57:15Oh my god, I'm
00:57:16I don't need to work on myself
00:57:18I mean, I do
00:57:19But
00:57:20I've been working on myself a lot
00:57:22I think maybe too much
00:57:23I need to do something for someone else for once
00:57:27I need to fix other people
00:57:29And look
00:57:29I don't care if Katie hates me
00:57:32Or doesn't even care about me
00:57:34I care about Katie
00:57:36And so I'm going to go to that dinner party
00:57:39And I'm going to lie to a bunch of strangers for her
00:57:42Now, can you give me a ride?
00:57:49Oh, you asked me to drive you to the dinner party
00:57:52I am
00:57:55No
00:57:59Okay
00:58:02I will
00:58:04I'll call a lift
00:58:05And my battery's dead
00:58:12I assume you're not going to let me use your bike
00:58:20Shit
00:58:40Hi, Katie
00:58:41Hey
00:58:41How are you?
00:58:42Thank you
00:58:42For coming
00:58:46Of course
00:58:47Uh, shall we?
00:58:48Or shall we?
00:58:49You brought me flowers
00:58:50Well
00:58:51Yeah
00:58:52I'm a flowers guy
00:58:53Here
00:58:55Awesome
00:58:55Thank you
00:58:56Wow
00:58:57Well, we should
00:58:59Probably get going
00:59:00Yeah
00:59:01Yeah
00:59:01Let's do it, Katie
00:59:03Yeah
00:59:03Yeah
00:59:11Okay
00:59:12Okay, well
00:59:13I am extremely excited
00:59:15It's going to be
00:59:16I think a lovely evening
00:59:32Okay, if I put some music on?
00:59:34Sure
00:59:35Sure
00:59:35Yeah
00:59:37Yeah
00:59:38Okay
00:59:43I don't listen to that rap crap
00:59:59So do you have any, like, fun vacations planned?
01:00:03Uh, no
01:00:05I try not to leave town too often
01:00:06It actually, uh, kind of throws me off
01:00:10I find keeping my movements to a minimum keeps me sharp
01:00:24I often find the New Yorker to be an admirable, um, source of criticism, if you will
01:00:33I often will write my own criticisms of the books that I read and compare them
01:00:37To the critics of our time
01:00:54Well?
01:00:56Well
01:00:58Showtime!
01:01:01Gotcha
01:01:01Yeah
01:01:03I'm just kidding
01:01:05It's great
01:01:06Okay
01:01:07Okay
01:01:07After you, please
01:01:21Brian?
01:01:26Hey
01:01:29What are you doing here?
01:01:31Hold on a second
01:01:32Look, I make it a point in my life to never overstep my boundaries
01:01:36Yeah
01:01:37But I think it's incredibly inappropriate for you to be here, Brian
01:01:40You should just go home
01:01:41Shame on you
01:01:43Arnold's right
01:01:44Also, you look awful
01:01:48You're right
01:01:50I look awful
01:01:52I feel awful
01:01:54I am probably awful
01:01:57You know, you getting Arnold to do this, that might be awful
01:02:00Arnold, I don't know you that well, but, you know, I can tell you're awful in your own way
01:02:05You know, we're all awful
01:02:06And, and that is okay
01:02:10Look, I, I've been called a pathetic loser by multiple people today
01:02:13But I, but I think I should at least be a pathetic loser who finishes something
01:02:18I owe it to you to do this
01:02:20Also, I'm pretty angry with myself right now
01:02:24And that's sort of motivating me to, like, dunk on those assholes in that house
01:02:28And show them we're, like, way cooler
01:02:30And way more interesting
01:02:32And way more successful
01:02:33Even if none of that is true
01:02:35So, so please
01:02:38Can't
01:02:40Can we do this?
01:02:45I think I gotta do this with Brian
01:02:48What?
01:02:50Everything Brian said
01:02:51And we really have been through a lot
01:02:58I gotta do this with him
01:03:03Wow, okay
01:03:04Um, I mean, you sort of strung me along through all this
01:03:09I, I feel so terrible
01:03:10Honestly, and you're so great
01:03:13Thank you for doing this
01:03:14Even though you didn't really, you know, do this
01:03:17Yeah, it's fine
01:03:18Okay
01:03:22Do you still want to get coffee with me next week?
01:03:25Yeah
01:03:27Sure
01:03:30I wish you well, Katie
01:03:32You too
01:03:35Hi
01:04:04Oh, hey
01:04:05Uh, Katie
01:04:06And, and, and
01:04:07Brian
01:04:07Brian
01:04:08Yeah
01:04:08Oh, my God
01:04:10It is so good to see you
01:04:13It's finally great to meet you
01:04:14Great to meet you too
01:04:15Great, come on in
01:04:29Well, the sword of Damocles is obviously the looming regulatory climate
01:04:33We saw it in China, we're seeing it in Europe
01:04:35And who knows what those geniuses at the Fed are up to
01:04:37Now, am I one of the, uh, the true believers that think we're headed toward a, a decentralized utopian wonderland?
01:04:45No
01:04:47But do I think that in 10 years we might see 20% of the population utilizing crypto in a
01:04:52meaningful way?
01:04:55Maybe
01:05:02What do you think, Brian?
01:05:06I think you should invest all your money in Barnes and Noble
01:05:15Ah
01:05:19I don't know, I, I, I got a good feeling about bookstores
01:05:23Come on
01:05:24I'll spoon my drink
01:05:25Way to go, Brian
01:05:26I didn't expect that to be, Brian
01:05:28Me neither
01:05:28Me neither, Brian
01:05:30I love what you've done with your hair
01:05:31Thanks
01:05:32I just kinda let it go
01:05:34It's great
01:05:40So, we kept driving
01:05:41Into Utah
01:05:42Straight on into the mountains
01:05:47Katie told me about your wine tasting trip in Sonoma
01:05:50She did
01:05:51Well, uh, yeah, we, uh, we did that
01:05:54And it was great
01:05:56Well, we're doing a sort of pairing tonight
01:05:58And I cannot wait to get your thoughts on the Pinot Noir
01:06:01I think it's, uh, it's Casta
01:06:03Casta
01:06:04Castalia
01:06:05Fantastic
01:06:06Mm-hmm
01:06:11This could be a present
01:06:12Oh, that looks so good
01:06:21I think there's something to be said about having too much stuff
01:06:26At the same time, I am very tactile when it comes to products
01:06:29But
01:06:31Not to sound pretentious
01:06:32But there is something profoundly spiritual and stirring about Montana
01:06:40Oh, yeah
01:06:41I think we will eventually see the equivalent of a, uh, Woody Allen for TikTok
01:06:46Maybe Woody Allen isn't the best example, but you get what I'm saying
01:07:01You know, I love what I do
01:07:02And I think the industry's headed in some really interesting directions
01:07:06I mean, some of these businesses we're invested in
01:07:09Wow
01:07:09You know, I mean, talk about innovation
01:07:11Right now we're going through a Series J funding round for a startup
01:07:15You know, and they build, uh, they build, like, robot hands
01:07:18Uh, for people, uh, for people that don't have hands
01:07:22Wow
01:07:23Yeah
01:07:24Did you say Series J?
01:07:28I did, yeah
01:07:29Because, uh, you know, we like to go high with the letters
01:07:37Ryan, you have not tried the wine yet
01:07:39I would love to know what you think of the flavor profile
01:07:46Okay
01:07:53Mm, mm-hmm
01:07:55Yeah, I can taste the berries
01:07:57Yeah
01:07:58Yes
01:08:00So, Katie, how's everything going with your consulting business?
01:08:04Oh, it's great
01:08:05But I won't bore you guys with the details
01:08:07Oh, don't be silly
01:08:08It sounds like you're up to some really cool stuff
01:08:11Well, for those of you who don't know
01:08:12I have a consulting business that specializes in strategies for mostly tech startups
01:08:18It's a lot of marketing, timing product launch, a lot of hand-holding
01:08:22But our company has really, like, expanded, exploded, actually
01:08:26We've been able to double our clientele, hire more employees, and just overall expand
01:08:32For an industry that seems pretty dry, it's actually very exciting for us
01:08:35I mean, I don't want to name drop, but some of my clientele are Bryan Cranston
01:08:40And Young Thug
01:08:41I love Young Thug
01:08:44Me too
01:08:45Oh, he's so sweet and funny
01:08:46But yeah, things have been so busy
01:08:48I mean, I'm even considering hiring a strategy consultant for my strategy consulting business
01:08:54Girl, boss lady here
01:08:57It sounds so cliche, but I feel like I'm really changing the world
01:09:02I mean, the companies that I'm involved with, they're in biotech and green energy and social justice
01:09:09Things that I'm really passionate about
01:09:10Plus, there's just so much investment going into these businesses
01:09:13Like, I can charge whatever I want
01:09:16Which is a total perk, you know?
01:09:17Getting paid really well to do what you love and make the world a better place
01:09:21Like, it's just the perfect life
01:09:23It's the perfect life that I've always dreamed of living
01:09:26You know, I feel strong
01:09:27Emotionally, spiritually, physically
01:09:29I am in the best shape of my life
01:09:31I have just boundless amounts of energy
01:09:33It's amazing how much energy you have
01:09:34When you just are just so filled with goodness, you know?
01:09:39And you're just so good
01:09:39I'm so happy
01:09:41I'm really just so happy
01:09:46Wow
01:09:47That is so great
01:09:50That is awesome
01:09:53And we're buying a house
01:09:59Welcome to the joys of homeownership
01:10:08So, how about you, Natalie?
01:10:11What have you been up to?
01:10:12Oh, uh, good
01:10:14Good, I mean, things are great
01:10:19What have you been up to?
01:10:20Oh, you know, this and that
01:10:24This and that?
01:10:25Yeah, we, uh, are just finally living life on our own terms
01:10:30For the first time in a really long time
01:10:35Feels really good
01:10:36Yeah, cool
01:10:37So, how is the law firm?
01:10:43Well, um, I quit
01:10:47You quit?
01:10:48I quit
01:10:52Why?
01:10:53Well, I mean, it's a long, it's a long story
01:10:56But, um, there just came a point where I realized
01:10:59This is just not for me
01:11:01You know, the long hours, the work weekends, the stress, the clients
01:11:06I mean, I just, oh, I just hit a breaking point
01:11:09And I thought to myself
01:11:10I'm not living life anymore
01:11:12And so I quit
01:11:14And I am so much happier
01:11:17Congratulations
01:11:19Wow, it's huge
01:11:22Are you guys living in your condo?
01:11:23I mean, I know that you, you bought it
01:11:25Because it was so close to work
01:11:27Nope
01:11:27Sold the condo
01:11:30You sold the condo?
01:11:31Yep
01:11:31Yep, yep
01:11:32I just wanted to simplify my life
01:11:35Yeah, and plus
01:11:37Leaving the job would make some of those payments a little tricky
01:11:40But selling it at the time I did
01:11:42Actually turned out pretty well
01:11:45Great
01:11:48So, where in D.C. are you living now?
01:11:52Um, actually, we're not living in D.C. anymore
01:11:55What?
01:11:57Mm-hmm
01:11:58Oh, my God, what?
01:12:02That's great, Natalie
01:12:03I feel like I don't even know you anymore
01:12:06Well, sorry for this info dump
01:12:08But, yeah, we just got tired of the constant hustle
01:12:12And the craziness and the politics
01:12:15There's too much
01:12:16Yeah, and you just said, uh, screw it
01:12:18Let's leave
01:12:20So, where are you living now?
01:12:23Well, we're not really living anywhere right now
01:12:26We're, uh, doing the whole van life thing
01:12:33The whole van life thing?
01:12:34The whole van life thing
01:12:36We've been traveling across the country
01:12:38And stopping at these little funky places
01:12:40And just finally living our life
01:12:43That's why we're here, actually
01:12:45We're going to be continuing up the coast this week
01:12:47And then, um, who knows where
01:12:51Who knows where?
01:12:53I mean, honestly, we should show you the van after dinner
01:12:55Oh, that's a good idea, huh?
01:12:56It's a custom Mercedes Sprinter
01:12:59170-inch wheelbase
01:13:01Full kitchen sink stove
01:13:02Side hookups for electric and gray water disposal
01:13:05I mean, this way, when you're at a campsite
01:13:07It's like you're in a real home
01:13:08Oh, and my favorite part is
01:13:10You know, besides just meeting all these colorful characters
01:13:12Across, you know, this beautiful patchwork of land
01:13:15That is the United States
01:13:16Is this amazing detachable shower hose head
01:13:20I don't know if we call it again
01:13:22But it does both hot and cold water
01:13:24It is truly top of the line, this van
01:13:27And we're just excited to, you know, live where we want
01:13:30So, yeah, it's been great
01:13:35You look shocked
01:13:37Yeah
01:13:39Yeah, I'm pretty shocked
01:13:40Well, I mean, it is quite a change
01:13:42It's a huge change
01:13:44I mean, so you're not making any money
01:13:47Well, Luke and I have saved up
01:13:50Plus the sale of the condo has helped us out a lot
01:13:52So we're kind of good for now
01:13:55So you just kind of just, you threw everything away
01:13:57Well, we sold it
01:14:00Actually, it's very liberating
01:14:02So, you know, you have no savings
01:14:04You're not building towards any kind of future
01:14:06We're not really thinking about that right now
01:14:08We're sort of just living life on our own terms
01:14:10That's so inspiring
01:14:12So inspiring
01:14:13Cheers, yeah, cheers
01:14:15There we go
01:14:20Did you tell mom and dad?
01:14:22Gonna hold off on that
01:14:24Yeah, you probably should
01:14:26Because they're gonna be pretty pissed off
01:14:28Well, I'm not thinking about that right now
01:14:30Yeah, you're just thinking about yourself
01:14:31Yeah, I mean, it is my life
01:14:35Is everything okay?
01:14:37No
01:14:39No
01:14:39No, actually, this whole thing, this is insane
01:14:42I guess it is a little insane
01:14:45Okay, could you stop agreeing with everything that I'm saying?
01:14:49Because the things that I'm saying, they're not good things
01:14:51Life changes
01:14:52Priorities change
01:14:53Things change
01:14:54Yeah, but you don't change
01:14:56What does that mean?
01:14:57Of course I change
01:14:59Nope, not since I've known you
01:15:04Maybe we talk about something else, yeah?
01:15:06Let me just, like, be clear about this
01:15:09Okay, you have no career goals
01:15:11No plans for a tangible future
01:15:12You're crisscrossing around the country
01:15:14Like some vagabond hobo
01:15:16With carrot top over here
01:15:17Living out of your car
01:15:18Well, to be clear
01:15:19It's a van
01:15:20I'm not sure why you are getting so angry about this
01:15:24Okay, this doesn't affect you at all
01:15:27I'm not upset
01:15:27I'm not angry
01:15:28Then why are you raising your voice?
01:15:29I am raising my voice!
01:15:36Look
01:15:37This is absolutely not the right place to talk about this
01:15:40But, you know, I don't pass any judgment on you
01:15:43So I think you should show me the same courtesy, okay?
01:15:46Please, you don't pass any judgment on me?
01:15:48I don't
01:15:48Okay
01:15:49Yeah, all you do is pass judgment on everything and everyone
01:15:53Katie, no, I don't
01:15:54I don't do that
01:15:55You know what?
01:15:56It doesn't matter anyway
01:15:57Because there's nothing to pass judgment on me about
01:15:59Because I'm doing okay
01:16:00I know
01:16:00Yeah, yeah
01:16:01I'm doing just fine
01:16:02My business is doing great
01:16:03I'm in a fantastic relationship
01:16:04And we're buying a house
01:16:05Congratulations
01:16:06Yeah
01:16:06And we're having a baby
01:16:12Really?
01:16:15Mm-hmm
01:16:22Um
01:16:25Cheers
01:16:31Um
01:16:44Hold on
01:16:45I will be right back
01:17:04This weather is crazy, right?
01:17:07Whether you like it or not, climate change is here
01:17:14Hey Katie
01:17:16There's someone here to see you
01:17:18He says it's an emergency
01:17:21Yes
01:17:24It is an emergency
01:17:34Hello
01:17:36My name is Arnold Buckwalter
01:17:39And I am a professional colleague
01:17:41Of Katie's
01:17:42I work in capital finance
01:17:44And I am a very
01:17:50Lonely man
01:17:51Okay
01:17:51You know, maybe you and Katie could take this into the-
01:17:56I want to hear what Arnold has to say
01:18:09Since I was a child
01:18:10I have suffered from extreme social anxiety
01:18:16And although I have worked hard to improve myself
01:18:20I still find it difficult to act natural
01:18:24In group settings
01:18:27I often come off as awkward
01:18:31And distant
01:18:33Scary
01:18:35In school, my nickname was Birdman
01:18:38Because of my lack of blinking and rapid head movements
01:18:41I cry regularly
01:18:44And I'm okay with that
01:18:46I never stand up for myself
01:18:48But today is different
01:18:51Today
01:18:53Katie
01:18:54Asked me to pose as her boyfriend for this dinner party
01:18:57Because she recently ended her relationship
01:18:59To Brian
01:19:01From what I understand
01:19:02Brian got a
01:19:03Tattoo
01:19:04Of them together
01:19:05Which she found repulsive
01:19:06I assume the only reason that Katie asked me
01:19:08Was because of my
01:19:09Social status as an investment banker
01:19:12Wait, hold up
01:19:13I thought Brian was an investment banker
01:19:15No
01:19:15Brian is not an investment banker
01:19:16Brian is a liar
01:19:18And a
01:19:20Graphic designer
01:19:21Or something
01:19:21I assume Brian told you something about Series J funding rounds
01:19:25Yeah, that's not actually a thing
01:19:27I made it up
01:19:28While Brian is a mean-spirited
01:19:31Low-assuming person
01:19:32Katie is much worse
01:19:33While Brian would insult me to my face
01:19:36Katie's behavior was far more insidious
01:19:39She knew I was weak
01:19:40And she knew I had feelings for her
01:19:42And she used that knowledge to bully me
01:19:44Into helping them with this frankly
01:19:46Despicable charade
01:19:49She used me to lie to her family
01:19:52And when I was no longer needed
01:19:54I was cast aside
01:19:55Like trash
01:19:58Like garbage
01:20:00But I know my worth
01:20:02And I'm not garbage
01:20:06You're garbage
01:20:10You're garbage
01:20:12Katie
01:20:19Okay, you're right
01:20:20You're right
01:20:21Okay, I'm garbage
01:20:23I said it
01:20:24Does that make you feel better?
01:20:25Look, I said it
01:20:26Everyone, I'm garbage
01:20:27Okay, I'm garbage
01:20:28I am garbage
01:20:30I lied
01:20:31About mostly everything that I said tonight
01:20:33My business is not doing well
01:20:34Brian and I broke up this morning
01:20:35We're not buying a home
01:20:36And I'm definitely not pregnant
01:20:38I've never even met Young Thug
01:20:41I probably drank way too much
01:20:43I watch a lot of videos of corgis on my phone
01:20:45Because the idea of actually owning one
01:20:47Gives me a frickin' panic attack
01:20:49And I lie a lot
01:20:51I lie a lot
01:20:53A whole lot
01:20:53Especially to myself
01:20:54Because I can't stand the f***ing fact
01:20:56That everyone on planet Earth
01:20:58Is doing so much better than I am
01:21:01I just
01:21:02I just for one night
01:21:04Wanted to feel what it felt like
01:21:07To be doing better than you
01:21:11I never knew you felt that way
01:21:13Natalie
01:21:14Could you please do me a huge favor
01:21:16And just cut the f***ing shit
01:21:18For once in your life
01:21:20You literally know that you win
01:21:22At everything in life
01:21:23You constantly beat me
01:21:25And you love it, girl
01:21:26Oh, you bask in it
01:21:28You crave it
01:21:30I hope you're happy
01:21:31I hope you're happy
01:21:32Because you have won again
01:21:34For the millionth f***ing time
01:21:36Because all you do is just win, win, win
01:21:38And I
01:21:39I just lose, lose, lose
01:21:40It's great
01:21:41I lose
01:21:42One time
01:21:43I thought I would cheat
01:21:44And try to figure out
01:21:45What it was like
01:21:46To win at this
01:21:47Hellish game
01:21:48That we've been playing
01:21:49Our entire lives
01:21:50And so after all of the lying
01:21:52And the scheming
01:21:53And the begging
01:21:54I get here
01:21:56And you tell me
01:21:57That you quit
01:21:58That you just
01:21:59You decided to stop
01:22:00Playing the game
01:22:01You're gonna just live
01:22:01Hashtag VM life
01:22:03I am so close to winning
01:22:04And you
01:22:05You
01:22:05You can't even give me
01:22:06That one thing
01:22:09And here I am
01:22:10Questioning my entire f***ing life
01:22:11And you are living
01:22:12In a truck
01:22:18Oh, Jesus
01:22:26This heart has wings
01:22:34And it will fly to you
01:22:43This heart
01:22:46It seems
01:22:52Sweet words
01:22:54To you
01:23:05We'll sit
01:23:07And smile
01:23:13As the world
01:23:17Passes us by
01:23:21And I'll carry you so safely
01:23:28If only
01:23:30If only you'd take me
01:23:35This heart
01:23:37This heart
01:23:43This heart
01:23:45It seems
01:23:50Sweet words
01:23:53To you
01:24:00These heart
01:24:01This heart
01:24:02It seems
01:24:03Sweet words
01:24:12My behavior as of late
01:24:13Has not been
01:24:15Morally great
01:24:17I haven't been very nice to you
01:24:19Or really anybody
01:24:21For that matter
01:24:23So I probably deserved
01:24:24That humiliation
01:24:26At that dinner party
01:24:29I know I don't
01:24:31Usually say this
01:24:32But
01:24:35I'm sorry
01:24:39There's a lot I should probably
01:24:40Apologize for too
01:24:42Um
01:24:44But, you know
01:24:45I don't want to get into
01:24:45The weeds with it all
01:24:47So I'm just
01:24:48Gonna kind of do
01:24:49A blanket apology
01:24:50And say
01:24:51I
01:24:53Am
01:24:53Sorry too
01:24:57Cool
01:24:58I think it's
01:24:59Important that we
01:25:00Acknowledge these
01:25:01Sorry's
01:25:01And sort of
01:25:03Learn from them
01:25:03I guess
01:25:04But, uh
01:25:05Also maybe we
01:25:07Kind of just like
01:25:07Forget about the details
01:25:08You know
01:25:09I would love that
01:25:10Great
01:25:11Great
01:25:14You see
01:25:14Um
01:25:15Do you maybe
01:25:16Just want to keep
01:25:17Living together
01:25:17For a little while
01:25:20You know
01:25:20Moving's such a huge
01:25:21Pain in the ass
01:25:21And, uh
01:25:22I really
01:25:23I really can't
01:25:24Handle a big change
01:25:25Right now
01:25:25I would like that
01:25:27Yeah, we could
01:25:28Kind of move
01:25:29Our relationship
01:25:29Into like
01:25:30A gray area
01:25:32That sounds pretty
01:25:32Healthy to me
01:25:41Man
01:25:42You were not kidding
01:25:44About your sister
01:25:44Van life
01:25:45Give me a break
01:25:47Oh god
01:25:47I mean I heard
01:25:48You're friends at the worst
01:25:49You're just like
01:25:49A bunch of nerds
01:25:51Yeah, I don't know
01:25:52How you could
01:25:53Wake up in the morning
01:25:54And look at yourself
01:25:54In the mirror
01:25:55And see those people
01:25:56No, they're like
01:25:56Yoga people
01:25:57You know
01:25:58You can sit up
01:25:58In the morning
01:25:59And do yoga
01:26:00And meditate
01:26:01It's like
01:26:02Ugh
01:26:03You're such fuckers
01:26:09Thinking about
01:26:10What we've been through
01:26:13The world can be
01:26:14A lonely place
01:26:18Baby, I'm so glad
01:26:20That I found you
01:26:23Now I got someone
01:26:25To a break
01:26:28From the day
01:26:30You stole my heart
01:26:33I meant forever
01:26:35Wanted me apart
01:26:37Don't you feel
01:26:39The times are coming
01:26:41Cause I feel it's so strong
01:26:44I've been on hold
01:26:46No, baby
01:26:47Don't you feel
01:26:49The times are coming
01:26:51When it feels so right
01:26:54To dance
01:26:55In the moonlight
01:26:56Baby with you
01:27:07Sometimes we all struggle
01:27:12But when the sun's my face
01:27:18I think of you
01:27:20I think of you
01:27:21All my troubles
01:27:23Are gone without a trace
01:27:28From all the things
01:27:30That are you
01:27:33I know our love
01:27:35Can see what's true
01:27:38Don't you feel
01:27:39Don't you feel
01:27:39The times are coming
01:27:41Cause I feel it's so strong
01:27:44I've been on hold
01:27:46No, baby
01:27:47Don't you feel
01:27:49The times are coming
01:27:51When it feels so right
01:27:54To dance in the moonlight
01:27:56To dance in the moonlight
01:27:56To dance in the moonlight
01:27:59To dance in the moonlight
01:28:21Maybe
01:28:22I know our love
01:28:24We can open
01:28:25Every door
01:28:27We can open
01:28:29Find the day
01:28:30You stole my heart
01:28:33I never, ever
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