00:04Hey, Dad.
00:07Uh, whatcha doing?
00:10Ollie, you remember that Japanese restaurant, Katsu, in the East Village with the tempura that you love?
00:16We're going there for dinner?
00:18No.
00:18We're moving to Japan!
00:21No, not again. We are not moving again, Dad.
00:25Ollie, why does this have to be such a big deal?
00:27I am so tired of having my entire world uprooted every time you get a promotion.
00:32I know, sweetheart, but...
00:33Listen, what if I go live with Nana?
00:35Your grandmother? She's a terrible influence.
00:37I mean, come on, she doesn't use that stuff for glaucoma.
00:41Ollie, please, let me pack. I've got a 6 a.m. flight.
00:44We're moving tomorrow morning?
00:47No, I'm just going for a week to get set up.
00:49And I've got to call your sister, see if you can stay there until I get back.
00:53No.
00:54Yes! It's perfect! I can go live in the city with Valerie. She just got rid of her roommate.
00:58Yes, and she's very excited about living alone. Plus, she works crazy hours. She's got her boyfriend.
01:04It's not like she has to watch me constantly. I'm more mature now.
01:07Ew, gross. Underpants.
01:11If Val says yes, then why not?
01:13Well...
01:16All right, I'll... I'll talk to Val.
01:19No, let me do it. You're not that great a salesman.
01:23Have you seen my plaque?
01:26Yes. And the picture of the plaque.
01:30Okay. All right.
01:32Okay.
01:33You talk to Val.
01:37Oh, that must be my plane tickets.
01:47No?
01:51Hey, what's my bra doing under here?
01:54Hello.
01:55Not my bra.
02:10Hey, Val. I got the futon set up for Holly if you want to get some sheets.
02:15Or just keep smiling at the chair, because that doesn't scare me at all.
02:19I'm sorry. I just can't believe Roberta's finally gone.
02:23Not a trace. Nothing left of her but that hideous director's chair.
02:27And that weird stink of hers.
02:30Come here, Jeff. You gotta smell this. Come on. Sniff it. Sniff it.
02:33No, I better not. I gotta drive home later.
02:37Remember how she would sit in that chair for hours wearing her depressing black clothes and hating pop culture?
02:43Sure. I'm Roberta. Spielberg sucks.
02:48God, film students ruin everything.
02:51Do you know what this means, Jeff?
02:54I can use up all the hot water.
02:57I can open up the curtains and let the sunlight in.
03:00Oh!
03:01I can read my People magazine right out in the open.
03:06Here, help me out.
03:08Oh, sure.
03:25What are you doing?
03:28Oh, I'm just playing a little game.
03:30It's called Get Killed by the Elevator While Gary Does Nothing.
03:33Help me.
03:35Anything for the cause.
03:37Hey, you know, I don't want you moving to Japan.
03:39Have you seen their trees?
03:41They're like, yay, bitch.
03:43Okay.
03:44I have six days to prove to Val that I'd be the most amazing roommate on the planet.
03:49Why don't you just ask her if you can move in?
03:51Because she's psyched to finally have the place all to herself.
03:53So, before I even bring it up, I've got to kiss a whole new level of butt.
03:59Why don't you just let me talk to her?
04:01Why would I do that?
04:02Well, because you know she's got a bad case of the Gary's.
04:05That's weird, because she thinks her name is Glenn.
04:13Yay!
04:14Hey, mom!
04:15Hey!
04:16Woo-hoo!
04:18Wow, your hair looks awesome.
04:21What'd you do to it?
04:23I brushed it.
04:25With what?
04:26A magic brush?
04:29Yeah, it's like each strand was combed by an angel.
04:34Thanks.
04:34Hey, you sticking around?
04:36We were going to go downstairs and get something to eat later.
04:38Oh, no thanks.
04:39I have to get going.
04:40To the gym.
04:42Today is, uh, upper body.
04:46Oh, oh, um, hang on a second.
04:49Since you're going down, would you mind getting rid of that for me?
04:52You?
04:53You're giving me a chair?
04:56Like, like a present?
04:58Okay, sure.
05:00I will sit on this as soon as I get home.
05:06Wow, your place looks amazing.
05:10Wait, there's something different.
05:13Uh, I think that picture used to be on that table.
05:17Yeah, actually, I liked it better where it was.
05:21Oh, you have an eye.
05:24One tiny move and you open up the whole room.
05:29Yeah, it's like a cathedral in here now.
05:33I don't know.
05:33If I had the time and money, I'd love to feng shui this whole place.
05:37Feng shui?
05:38That band you were so into?
05:39No, that was Wang Chung.
05:43I wasn't into them.
05:45Hey, Val, it's cool.
05:46You know, I totally used to be into the Black Crows.
05:48Oh, wait a minute.
05:49They weren't lame.
05:52Feng shui is a Chinese interior design philosophy.
05:56Okay, that is fascinating.
05:58You?
05:58You are fascinating.
06:00What a life you've lived.
06:01It's fascinating.
06:05I should unpack.
06:13Aw, the room's little again.
06:24Listen, I'm putting together a major press event on Sunday for that skateboarder guy you like, Tony Hawk.
06:28You want to go?
06:29Yeah, I want to go.
06:30Can I meet him?
06:31Can I get free stuff?
06:32I love free stuff.
06:34He's promoting his new cologne.
06:36Tony, smell like a hawk.
06:37Oh, my God.
06:38That is so my favorite smelling bird.
06:46No way.
06:47Lisa Lillian.
06:49The fashion designer?
06:50Oh, my God.
06:52She was the head of Milan.
06:53And her new spring line is shaking things up all across Europe.
06:55Hey, you read my People magazine.
06:58Yeah, and Demi Moore's adjusting quite nicely to life outside the spotlight.
07:06Man, if I could snag a client like her, my career would take off like a rocket.
07:11Bang.
07:12I think you want whoosh.
07:14When you're talking rockets, bang is bad.
07:18Well, come on.
07:19Let's whoosh that rocket.
07:20Hey, Lisa.
07:21Lisa Lillian.
07:22Holly, Holly, Holly.
07:22Stop a second.
07:27Hi.
07:28Hi.
07:28You screamed for me?
07:30Oh, yeah.
07:31This is my sister, Valerie.
07:33And she's basically like a public relations superhero.
07:35And she said if she could snag a client like you, then she would take off.
07:40Sorry.
07:41She's...
07:41No, it's fine.
07:43I'm already snagged.
07:44But do you have a card?
07:45You never know, right?
07:47Huh?
07:48Card.
07:51She's wearing your underwear.
07:55They're very soft.
07:58This is so nice of you.
08:00I work for Harper and Digs, as you will see on my card that I do, in fact, have somewhere.
08:05Please, Parker.
08:12Festus?
08:14Festus?
08:16There's something stuck in his throat.
08:18What?
08:19He...
08:19He...
08:19He can have broccoli, right?
08:22He'd do something.
08:24Help!
08:26Here, I'll time lick him.
08:30Come on, Festus.
08:32Freeze!
08:33Stay with me, baby!
08:40Are you okay?
08:42Sure.
08:43Just a little broccoli on my bare eyeball.
08:46It was bound to happen eventually.
08:48I am so sorry.
08:50It's okay.
08:51It's okay.
08:52Really.
08:52It's my fault for coming over to talk to you people.
09:01Stupid dog.
09:02Chokes on broccoli, but has no problem licking himself.
09:06Yeah.
09:07Well, I never choke.
09:09Hey, there's one thing I'm good at.
09:10Swallowing stuff.
09:12Like circus good.
09:14Seriously.
09:14When I was five, I swallowed my Mr. Potato Head's legs, arms, and both noses.
09:18And let me tell you, swallowing it was the easy part.
09:24Focus!
09:27Wait.
09:28I know what to do, but you've got to help me.
09:31Know what feng shui is?
09:32No.
09:34But I bet I can swallow it.
09:42Holly, are you hungry?
09:43Ah!
09:45Ah!
09:47Ah!
09:53Are we dead?
09:55If we are, we still have to watch Riding in Cars with Boys.
10:01Hi!
10:03Oh!
10:05Hi!
10:06And also, what the hell?
10:09Well, I feng shui'd the apartment.
10:11Like you wanted.
10:13Um, see?
10:15Uncooked rice for prosperity.
10:16Mirrors for chiflo.
10:18Um, serenity pool for relaxation.
10:20And wind chimes for...
10:21Holly, what did you...
10:23Is that my bed?
10:25In the kitchen?
10:27It was the only place where I could face north.
10:30For quiet slumber.
10:38Holly?
10:39Holly, you...
10:40Are the best?
10:41No.
10:42No, actually, what I was going to say.
10:59Holly, come on, it's okay.
11:00Where are you going?
11:01Japan.
11:02I am.
11:07I'm going to go to bed.
11:17Uh, you want me to get your night light, or should I just crack the fridge?
11:32No, it's easy like this.
11:41What's that?
11:42Skateboard.
11:43Who's...
11:43Gary's.
11:44Why is it here?
11:44Is he here?
11:45Who's Gary?
11:46The guy you gave the chair to.
11:48Glenn?
11:50Yeah.
11:51You said I could get an autograph for him.
11:54I know that, yes.
11:55Um, I...
11:55I'll hold it.
11:58Val, thanks for still letting me come after I, you know, bunged up your apartment.
12:04Well, now that it's been unfunged, let's just pretend like it never happened, okay?
12:08Okay.
12:09I can do that.
12:10So, the party is incredible.
12:13Yeah, except they've shorted me two waiters.
12:15We're low on ice, and I think the balloon animal guy's all liquored up.
12:19Ah.
12:20That would explain this.
12:23Monkey.
12:26Val?
12:28If you're short on people, let me help.
12:31Oh, no.
12:31I'm okay.
12:32I'm okay, really.
12:33You, just stay right here and, you know, stay right here, okay?
12:39Hey, uh, Tony, where do you want me to put your stuff?
12:43Um, right there, it's fine.
12:45Okay.
13:22No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
13:27One, two, three.
13:31Yes, hi, that's my skateboard.
13:34No, it isn't.
13:35I found it on my balcony.
13:37That's because I dropped it off the roof.
13:40Where do you think it came from?
13:42God.
13:49Tony's skateboard is missing.
13:52What?
13:53I can't find it anywhere.
13:54Oh, perfect.
13:56Okay, does he absolutely have to have it?
14:01Okay, go, go.
14:03Keep looking.
14:08Listen, if I don't get that skateboard back, then my life as I know it in America is over.
14:15So I'm asking you a...
14:19Interesting.
14:22I'll give you 20 bucks for it.
14:24For a gift from God?
14:26It's all I have.
14:27What do you want?
14:29Well,
14:32kind of easy on the peepers.
14:37About we make out a little.
14:40Ew, Perv!
14:41Perv's got the skateboard.
14:42Forget it.
14:43All right.
14:44One kiss.
14:45No!
14:47No kiss, no board.
14:48All right, one kiss.
14:51Uh, you want to kiss me or swallow my head?
14:54Close your mouth.
14:56Now, close your eyes.
15:02Mmm.
15:03Mmm.
15:06Mwah!
15:09Holy...
15:09I know.
15:10Blows your mind, doesn't it?
15:12Listen.
15:14I got a trundle bit.
15:17Call me Perv!
15:22Hey, did my board turn up?
15:24Uh, no, Tony.
15:25It didn't, but it will.
15:26Any minute, I'm sure.
15:28Oh, what about this?
15:31Oh, my sister brought that.
15:34Well, it'll work.
15:35Can I use it?
15:36Uh, yes!
15:38Of course, that is why we brought it.
15:40As a backup for you.
15:42See?
15:42I'm good.
15:49Don't be locked.
15:50Don't be locked.
15:51Why be locked?
15:54Ooh.
15:57Hello.
15:58Hello.
16:00Hello.
16:02Hello.
16:03Hello.
16:28Hey, tell me.
16:35It's okay. It's okay. Everything's fine.
16:47Help!
17:11So, how'd it go?
17:14I'm sorry.
17:15I can't talk to you right now.
17:17You hate me.
17:18No, I don't hate you.
17:20I fear you.
17:22Do you realize you could have gotten me fired?
17:24I really didn't mean to.
17:26What were you thinking?
17:28You're 16 years old.
17:30Am I supposed to babysit you every second?
17:45I have a situation.
17:48What kind of situation?
17:51What kind of situation?
17:51Uh, this mattress is kicking my butt situation.
17:56What are you doing?
17:58I'm gonna go stay with Nana until Dad gets back.
18:00You don't have to go stay with Nana, okay?
18:03No, Val.
18:05It's a good thing.
18:06I should spend time with her while I still can.
18:08What does that mean?
18:10Oh, no.
18:12Didn't Nana get busted?
18:14It is for glaucoma.
18:16Oh, you are so cute.
18:19Look.
18:22Dad got another promotion at work, but they're moving him, us, to Japan.
18:29Japan?
18:32This sucks.
18:34That's what I said.
18:35Well, in my head, I still have to pay Dad a dollar every time I say suck.
18:39Okay, this is unacceptable.
18:41Wait, hold on a sec.
18:42What if you were to say, like, hey, kid, don't suck your thumb, you still gotta pay him?
18:48Okay, sweetie, could you go back to your situation for a minute?
18:51Sure.
18:52No, this is unbelievable.
18:54I'm your big sister, for crying out loud.
18:56I'm supposed to be giving you the benefit of my experience.
18:59Who's gonna give you that in Japan?
19:01Jackie Chan?
19:02Chinese.
19:04But that's it.
19:05You know, I'm just gonna call Dad right now.
19:07I think he can pass on one promotion.
19:09No, wait.
19:10I don't want Dad to give this up.
19:11It's a great thing for him.
19:14All right, just let me think for a second.
19:25Okay.
19:27Here's the deal.
19:29You and I, we have our moments, but we get along pretty well, right?
19:33I like you.
19:34You like me.
19:36Here's what I was thinking.
19:38Maybe if you wanted to, Dad would let you come live here with me if you wanted to.
19:49I thought you were psyched about not having a roommate.
19:52I was psyched about not having that roommate, but you don't sit in the dark all day.
19:56You don't have hairy pits.
19:58You don't invite strange men to sleep over.
20:01You don't invite strange men to sleep over.
20:04What about the choking dog and the feng shui?
20:08You are my sister.
20:10You're supposed to drive me crazy.
20:13Come on.
20:14I love you, bug.
20:22This is going to be so awesome.
20:25We can stay up all night watching old movies like we used to.
20:28Yes, absolutely.
20:29We can go shopping in Soho.
20:31Every weekend.
20:32We can go to the East Village and get matching tattoos.
20:34Not a chance in hell.
20:43I was nowhere near that.
20:52Everybody have fun tonight.
20:56Everybody have fun tonight.
21:00Everybody have fun tonight.
21:01Everybody have fun tonight.
21:07See?
21:08Wang Chung, have fun.
21:14You people are dead inside.
21:18I liked it.
21:35I like it.
21:37I like it.
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