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00:00The following programme contains strong language.
00:10I think it should be the generic questions,
00:13like, describe yourself in three words,
00:15erm, why have you entered the competition?
00:18Oh, God.
00:18I think we should just play it safe a little bit.
00:20No, OK, no, you won't, maybe.
00:21Not wash your favourite sex position.
00:25Previously, we struggled to get our heads round the numbers.
00:29Er...
00:30We ain't done our research.
00:31On the left-hand side, a little look.
00:33I dragged a coach load of people down
00:35to show off my billboard and host an open day.
00:38We've sold the Riverwood.
00:39No, stop it.
00:40And there were still many resident demands going unmet.
00:44We have a lot of singers over here,
00:45and half of them are terrible.
00:47There's absolutely nothing for the children at all.
00:50Tonight we all go hand-in-hand,
00:55hand-in-hand for them.
00:58I can't lie.
01:07Everybody in the world likes chocolate.
01:10Oh!
01:11Mama, she say, holy moly.
01:13Papa, you say, holy moly.
01:15Everybody want a chocolate.
01:18This is another one of my jobs on my long list of jobs.
01:23Video editing, directing, filming.
01:27It's always fun,
01:28if not a little bit stressful in the editing room.
01:31Yeah, it'll be worth it,
01:32because the kids do love these videos
01:33when they're on the TVs around the place.
01:35Want a chocolate.
01:37Nice.
01:38Let's pack this lot away then.
01:41Get in the editing suite.
01:46Take this stuff seriously when you're making these videos.
01:50As I've gone on these videos,
01:51I've added more and more.
01:52Some of these videos have been quite intense.
01:55I think because I secretly want to be an editor or a director
01:59or something, maybe.
02:01To the people on the right-hand side,
02:03wave to the people on the right-hand side.
02:07Perfect.
02:08That is good enough for me.
02:11I am done.
02:13Ah, relax.
02:15It worked.
02:16Upload it.
02:16Put it on YouTube.
02:17On the screens tonight.
02:20Get me a coffee.
02:27I feel like I'm trying to juggle a lot.
02:30And, obviously, this place is important to me,
02:33but I'm just trying to, you know,
02:35make the gaff a bit more exciting.
02:42Oh, look at this, look.
02:43You're joking, look.
02:46Oh, dear.
02:48Sam, just have a pullover, will it?
02:54I can't believe this.
03:04Obviously, it's not a good look.
03:06Mind you, the cars might enjoy it more now.
03:10Right, let's ring Darren.
03:13I think you might want to come down to the advertising board.
03:17Just come and have a little look.
03:20Er...
03:22It's changed, somewhat.
03:28Erm, I've got to show you something, Dan.
03:31Oh, my goodness.
03:35I don't know, baby.
03:39Well, I've just...
03:40I've just called Darren and Paul,
03:42and you'll have to make a decision on this, because...
03:44Take it personally.
03:45No!
03:46I don't get no.
03:47No, baby.
03:48Listen, listen.
03:49What's a cock between friends?
03:51Eh?
03:52I love you.
03:53Bye, baby.
03:54Bye, baby.
03:54See you later.
03:55Bye, bye, bye.
04:00Oh, here they are.
04:02Sorry to bring you out here.
04:05No, you're not.
04:05I know, I know.
04:08It sort of starts here on the side.
04:10Have a little read.
04:11Fantastic.
04:12Bit rude.
04:13And then the big one.
04:17Oh.
04:18Did they do it in white first?
04:20Yeah.
04:21Oh, no.
04:21They're a proper outfit.
04:23They've primed it.
04:24They've primed the cock,
04:25and then sort of gone again.
04:26And always circumcised.
04:28Always.
04:28Right?
04:29Another motor.
04:30See, move a cock on me head.
04:32Another motor.
04:33I mean, er...
04:34Is it good publicity, do you think?
04:36No.
04:38Right, good.
04:38So, maybe we can rip it down
04:39and we don't speak of it ever again.
04:41Agreed.
04:47It's been six months since Danny and I invested in
04:50and took on Priory Hill.
04:52And aside from the giant cock and balls graffitied on my nut,
04:56things are looking all right.
04:58Done a lot of concrete in before?
04:59No.
05:02Empty pitches are down from 37 to 29.
05:07We've also sold an additional six vacant caravans
05:11and another five unused chalets,
05:13with new inquiries up about 30%.
05:18Hang on.
05:20Oh, I fucked it right at the end, look.
05:23The bar takings are up 20%.
05:27And the park socials have added 4,000 more followers.
05:31We're doing all right.
05:32Yeah, I've got more chance of being knighted.
05:34I'm getting that in there.
05:35But there's still room to build, learn, and most importantly, generate income.
05:40I've done it again.
05:41I'm stuck.
05:42Are you stuck?
05:44And that's where one of the biggest sources of revenue comes in.
05:49Entertaining punters and getting them into the Priory Club, buying booze.
05:53Throughout the year, we have sort of like 30, 40-odd Saturday nights to fill up.
05:58Daz has always done a great job at that.
06:00And let's not forget, he's been doing it for a long time as well,
06:02filling all those entertainment slots up.
06:04We've had comedians and comedian comedy magicians and all that.
06:07And there's a few that are all right, don't get me wrong, go down well,
06:09but some of them just go down like such a sack of shit, you know.
06:13Darren's been in charge of the park's entertainment nights for 30 years,
06:17but in the residents' meeting, they were scathing about it.
06:20Half of them are terrible.
06:24How do you think it's going, this entertainment?
06:27It's a tough game.
06:29First of all, it's a tough thing, isn't it?
06:30Yeah, it's tough because I can't have the same thing too often,
06:34which is my biggest struggle.
06:37Solo singers on these quiet nights, they're hard to come by
06:41because there's only so many in the area.
06:42Then they start coming from further afield.
06:44They start wanting a bit more money.
06:46Yeah, of course they do.
06:47And they might be a bit more professional,
06:48might be that a lot longer.
06:49Tributing singers.
06:50Yeah, but you're paying a bit more
06:52because they're a bit more specialised.
06:53So you're trying to cater for everybody and it's impossible.
06:56Yeah, it is.
06:57What's a bad night here in the sense of how many people?
07:00Ten.
07:03It's hard work for them.
07:04I take it quite personally, more personally than I probably should.
07:07But like you, I want to make a good night for everybody.
07:09Yes.
07:09There was this one night I remember, I had the Cheeky Girls down here.
07:13The actual Cheeky Girls?
07:14The actual Cheeky Girls.
07:15Not a single person moved out of that hall after bingo.
07:18Everyone stayed by their wall.
07:19Did they really?
07:20The Cheeky Girls got up on that stage.
07:21And smashed it?
07:22They sung their two songs.
07:23They've only got one song, didn't they?
07:24Two, was it?
07:24The Cheeky Girls.
07:26They sung that and then they sat on that stage
07:28and signed every person in that hall's autograph.
07:31God bless them.
07:31They sat there for like a couple of hours at least.
07:33So we need something else.
07:35We need something different, something new.
07:36Right.
07:37Something that gets people in this club spending readies.
07:40Okay.
07:41And buying drink and enjoying, you know, the night together.
07:45And I was thinking about doing some auditions.
07:48Oh, right.
07:48We just get some nutty acts down where we might go,
07:51maybe that might work, you'll know.
07:52I'll show you a few of the acts we've had over the years.
07:55I've got like an OG wall out the back there.
07:57An OG wall?
07:58We are the Cheeky Girls.
08:00You are the Cheeky Girls.
08:02So this is the dressing room, is it?
08:04This is it, right, yeah.
08:04Come in here, get dressed.
08:05Wowzers.
08:06Frankie Valli.
08:07Yeah.
08:08Chuckle Truck.
08:09Classics up there.
08:10It's a well throwback, some of these, innit?
08:12Yeah.
08:13I mean, what's the sort of prices on some of these people?
08:15Solo singer, £250, £275.
08:18Your tribute starts going up, £5, £6, £750.
08:21Depending on the act.
08:22600 shots, how long does it set?
08:24They'll do a 45, have a 15 minute break.
08:26And then 45?
08:27Yeah.
08:27So the worst case scenario is you give someone four or 500 shots,
08:31there's ten people in the bar, you're weighing him on,
08:34he's got the ump, you've got the ump,
08:35the ten people have got the ump.
08:37You've lost money.
08:38Yeah.
08:39So that's about ramming the bar out.
08:40Yeah.
08:41Okay.
08:42Obviously I want your opinion on it,
08:43but you don't mind handing the reins over to me slightly?
08:46I don't, but if I could be rolled in on it.
08:49Absolutely.
08:49We've made mistakes before, haven't we?
08:51I would like...
08:51Well, we've all made mistakes, it's not...
08:54I'll probably be able to give you a bit of advice.
08:55Yeah, but then if I take full responsibility,
08:57then I'm the one that can feel like shit if it doesn't work out.
09:00Like I said, you can stand there and go,
09:02well, all you's moaning about my acts.
09:05Best of luck.
09:06Cheers, son.
09:06It's a tough gig.
09:07Gonna fucking need it.
09:15Another issue raised at the residence meeting
09:17was that kids have nothing to do on sight.
09:24Hello.
09:25Are you okay?
09:26Oh, hang on.
09:28Oh, that was a lovely smile.
09:31There you go, guys.
09:32Hi.
09:32Oh, you're giving me a cuddle.
09:34Oh.
09:35Oh, my God, there's so many of you.
09:37Hello.
09:37There's just a few.
09:39Oh, no.
09:39There's four more at home.
09:40Four more?
09:41Four more.
09:42The oldest four.
09:43How many do you have?
09:44Ten.
09:44Ten?
09:45Did you always want ten?
09:47No.
09:48Well, she might have done.
09:49I only ever wanted one.
09:50You have to just look at each other
09:51and then you're pregnant, basically.
09:53She's off.
09:54That's all right.
09:54She knows the way around the site.
09:56Oh, she's fine.
09:57Yep, she's perfectly fine.
09:59Oh.
10:00She'll come back when she's hungry.
10:01I'll go with her.
10:02How do you do it?
10:03Just logistics.
10:05OK.
10:05Just being organised.
10:06It's like a military operation.
10:08Do you all sleep?
10:09Depends on him.
10:10It's about three hours or four hours.
10:12Yeah, it depends on this one.
10:13If I'm lucky.
10:13Oh, bye.
10:14How long have you been coming down here for, then?
10:17Seventeen years.
10:18Weekend school holidays, summer.
10:20I mean, she's here pretty much the whole holiday.
10:22What do you do, then, when you play?
10:24We play on the bikes.
10:28Yeah?
10:28Out on the field.
10:30Yeah.
10:30There's no park, though, is there?
10:31No.
10:32And that's what this place is like.
10:33But there is a park downtown, which we rarely go to.
10:36Yeah, it is definitely.
10:37We're definitely missing a park in that field at once.
10:40There's nothing for them to do.
10:41Yeah.
10:41So even they get bored, and I'll get, Dad, can you take us home?
10:44We're bored.
10:45I mean, this place just is in desperate need of a playground.
10:48You know, somewhere they can play, and obviously somewhere that's completely safe.
10:52But I just have no idea how much it costs and, like, where it would go.
10:59When I was a little young chavvy, chavvy means child, the clubhouse was one of the most important parts of
11:10the whole park, right?
11:12You know, it was like something you'd gear up to overnight.
11:15So you'd fuck about all day with your cousins, having fun, and then you'd all get ready in your van
11:21and head over to the clubhouse to see what sort of entertainment was over there.
11:25How can we make the clubhouse here somewhere that everyone wants to go?
11:30Because it's the heart and soul of this gaff, of any gaff, any caravan park.
11:36You know, the clubhouse, the bowels, the belly, you know, and gut health is very important.
11:42It's the gut health of the caravan park.
11:48Knowing what I had to do with help from some showbiz agents, I pulled together a dazzling line-up.
11:54How are you, all right?
11:56Here we fucking go.
12:04And with Darren already looking a bit put out, we got off to an interesting start.
12:15Obloblobacus, and the pizza has vanished.
12:20You will book Ben Darley for your holiday park.
12:25Danny, you're an actor, yeah?
12:27Yeah, I'm an actor, yes.
12:28What else did you want to do?
12:29I wanted to be a dancer.
12:32A dancer?
12:32Yes, I wanted to dance!
12:34And then it got really uncomfortable.
12:36I do find that reality TV legends are great at being hypnotized, and so are slags.
12:41So, um...
12:43So, clasp your hands together.
12:45Close your hands together.
12:52I think I'm calling you a slag.
12:53Oh, was he calling me a slag?
12:55Well, I think he was alluding to the fact that...
12:56The reality star?
12:57Yeah.
12:57Well, fucking go and chin him, then.
12:59Any chance?
13:00I'm going to work with cards.
13:03Oh!
13:03Let's have a look what you've got.
13:05Oh, it's the stripper.
13:06Did someone say fire?
13:08Oh!
13:10Oh!
13:12Oh!
13:15Oh!
13:16Oh!
13:19It goes swimming like this.
13:26The loveliness of Paris seems somehow...
13:32Down at the Pink Pony Club.
13:36I'm going to keep on dancing down in West Hollywood.
13:51Oh, we're done!
13:53Yay!
13:54Well done!
13:56And now I'm stuck!
13:57Do you want some milk?
13:58Fucking help him out here.
14:00Right, hold up, hold up.
14:01Here we go.
14:02Here we go, gotcha.
14:04That's it.
14:05Gotcha?
14:05Yeah, go on, son.
14:06I don't want to rip it.
14:06Oh, God.
14:07You're really in there.
14:09Here we go.
14:09I think they're getting out.
14:10It's better than the act.
14:14That's it.
14:15You're trying to get it over his darby.
14:16Oh!
14:16Oh, here we go.
14:18That's a workout!
14:19Well done.
14:20Well done.
14:21Thank you so much.
14:22Well done.
14:23You smashed it.
14:25How did we think that went, Dan?
14:27I was entertained.
14:29Yes, I was entertained.
14:30I can't stop seeing your Pink Pony Club now.
14:32Yeah.
14:32He ain't booked anything from that.
14:34None really quite right for here.
14:36As much as that contortionist was fantastic,
14:39it's a three-minute act.
14:41I think if he wants to put on a big night,
14:43he's got to go back to the drawing board
14:45and maybe he leans into his little black book of numbers
14:47and pulls something out of the bag with some of his mates.
14:50I suppose they've got their entertainment acts,
14:52so to replace them there has to be someone that has to be better to replace.
14:56Is there anyone better in that line-up to replace?
15:09Five months since the residents' meeting,
15:12there were still loads of things that needed to be addressed.
15:15We'd planted a suggestions box to help sift through the groans.
15:22Exercise classes, yoga sessions for adults as well as children.
15:27We could do some exercise classes.
15:29I don't think Lays Down's ready for yoga, darling.
15:31My suggestion is have a shave.
15:33Your moustache is well, pony.
15:35And they drew a pony.
15:40What?
15:40Can you get rid of camper van that smells of piss?
15:43Blocking my view on Nuts Road.
15:46Err, how can we look into that?
15:48Please liven up the menu.
15:49It's incredibly limited.
15:51Where are the lentils and where is the couscous?
15:53I don't like lentils.
15:54They really don't agree with me.
15:55Fucking couscous.
15:56I hate couscous.
15:57I hate couscous.
15:58What is it?
15:59Lentils?
16:00I don't think we're going to have lentils in here.
16:02Yeah, it goes right through now.
16:05Yakult?
16:07Is that the name of the person?
16:08It just says my suggestion is Yakult.
16:10What does that mean?
16:11Let's have a look.
16:14And then they've done a little face.
16:15Is that a face?
16:16I don't know what that means, Yakult.
16:18One of them Jekyll yogurts, isn't it?
16:20Oh.
16:22It's good for the probiotics.
16:25P.S. they want some real ale.
16:27Oh, okay.
16:29Oh, real ale again.
16:30Real ale on draft, on selection.
16:32Okay, sweet, lovely.
16:33In bottles.
16:33It's all right then, isn't it?
16:34Not a bad suggestion.
16:36No, I think some of them are something we need to have a chat with the boys about again,
16:38because, you know, is it doable to get some light ales and some real ales?
16:43I'm still thinking about Yakult.
16:47Meanwhile, Yakult, Danny was on a mission to build a playground for the kids.
16:52We just needed to agree on an ideal site.
16:57Let's wet this here.
16:58How much do you think this is going to cost, babe?
17:00About 20 grand, I think.
17:02All right, Pat.
17:03How are you doing, baby?
17:04All right, thank you.
17:05Freezing cold.
17:06Lovely darling.
17:07We're just talking, Pat, about the idea of a park.
17:10No.
17:10What?
17:11No.
17:11Oh, Pat.
17:12No.
17:13Why not?
17:14You'll ruin this site, you put a pike on here.
17:17I've been on here 46 years.
17:19Yeah.
17:19Right?
17:20And all the kids play in the field.
17:22You've got a park downtown.
17:24Put it over Priory if you want one.
17:26Put it over there.
17:26Well, I'll tell you what our concern was.
17:28Priory's got it all.
17:30Yeah.
17:30Nuts has got fuck all.
17:31I know, but we're fucking happy with it.
17:34Yeah, but I know you are.
17:35Yeah, but I mean...
17:36But the kids ain't.
17:36Yeah, but the kids play...
17:38All the little ones, the big ones, they play football on here and all that.
17:41You take that away.
17:43But this area here really...
17:45It's a bit bare, Pat.
17:45There's nothing on here.
17:47Yeah, but that's how it's been all these years and that's how everybody mixes.
17:50My kids were streetwise down here.
17:52All the kids mix from all over the place.
17:55Different world now though, Pat.
17:56Of course it is a different world.
17:57They're not like that no more.
17:58They're not streetwise now, mate.
17:59It's a very different world that we're living in.
18:01Down here it ain't.
18:02So the only reason I'm saying it is, obviously people like yourself, you don't fancy having
18:06a park.
18:06Why don't you want to park though, Pat?
18:08The kids want to park.
18:09You'll have people moaning.
18:10You'll have people in the caravan's mind, all the noise of the kids and all that.
18:13Aww.
18:14You will get that, I'm telling you.
18:15When the boys play football, people complain about football on here.
18:19Yeah, but that's down to them though.
18:20Yeah.
18:20That's what I'm saying.
18:21If they don't like it, don't be on the field.
18:24What I'll say, Pat, is this.
18:25We ain't gonna get some pony park.
18:27Listen, we want to spend money on it.
18:29I don't want to get a cheap one.
18:29The thing about you saying there's a park down there, I don't know anyone who's gonna
18:33let their kids go and have a mooch up there now.
18:35I don't like having my kids out of my sight.
18:37Ain't like when we were younger.
18:38As long as you put it out of the way, it's not near the caravan.
18:40Yeah, that's all right.
18:41All right, that's a touch.
18:43All right.
18:43All right, my love.
18:44Bye.
18:44Go on your way, girl.
18:45Go on.
18:45I'll be happy to see you soon, Pat.
18:46Don't worry.
18:48I do love her.
18:55The auditions had failed to deliver.
18:58So I called on a fellow EastEnders veteran and Sheppie local.
19:03Welcome to the Kentish Riviera, my son.
19:05Well, look, I, uh, thanks, mate.
19:07What's this, a local bro?
19:08Get that down your neck, yeah.
19:09Barry from EastEnders, also known as Sean Williamson.
19:13Take a seat.
19:14Now.
19:14I mean, this is a beautiful gaff this, Sean.
19:16Do you come here often, this gaff?
19:17Well, this is where I have my wedding reception.
19:18Is it?
19:19We got married in a little church just around the corner, a tiny little church.
19:22And then you get on the old pony and trap and they bring you down there.
19:26Oh.
19:26And you have your, um, Bino in that place there.
19:29Oh, I gotcha.
19:30Yeah.
19:30So my gaff, Nuts Farm Priory Hill, you're aware of this place?
19:35Yes.
19:35It lays down.
19:36Right, okay, good.
19:37Because I'm trying to attack the entertainment.
19:41But I've got to say, Sean, with you, you know, both EastEnders boys, we never, our paths
19:45never really crossed on EastEnders.
19:46Although we did, we ended up with the same bird, Janine, weirdly.
19:49Now she pushed you down a fucking hill.
19:51But my accountant's never forgiven her.
19:54Our paths have never crossed.
19:56But what I feel like you've managed to do is you've come out of it and you was in the
19:59show, you know, when it was watched by millions and millions.
20:03You've actually used your brain and gone on and you're doing amazing karaoke now.
20:08Basically, I go out, it's a karaoke road show.
20:09It's incredible.
20:10So I'll go out and sing the first song, but then I'm joined on stage by members of the
20:13audience.
20:14Every song's a duet or a trio.
20:15Yep.
20:16Then I'll finish up on a solo song.
20:18So these things have gone down all right.
20:19What I'm trying to do is cater for adults and kids, right?
20:22Now you need your adult entertainment at a certain point.
20:25Yeah.
20:25But you also need someone to, you know, keep the kids entertained.
20:28So have you been auditioning tried and tested acts or have a lot of them been hopefuls?
20:33Well, I've made a few calls and tried to get a few bods in and, you know, it's all been
20:37a bit left field and a bit weird and a bit, what is entertainment now really?
20:41What you do is bang on, which is immersive and getting them involved and, you know, I'm
20:46living a lot of nostalgia.
20:47It ain't the eighties no more.
20:48Nah.
20:49If, in another universe, the word gets out that you have recreated the eighties, that
20:53could become a big thing for people to flock to.
20:56But what you could do, I've had an idea, is that if you get, you know, someone whose
21:01face is reasonably well known.
21:03Yeah.
21:03Most people might know what they look like and they've done a bit before and they
21:07can sing and, you know, do a bit of this and that and then maybe that could, maybe that
21:11could work.
21:12Yeah, it's, you know, I mean, if I can roll you in at any point, just even if you've done
21:17a one-off night for me, that would be amazing.
21:20I'd do it.
21:20I know your schedule, I know you would.
21:21Well, it would be an honour to be a part of it.
21:24What a fucking legend you are, son.
21:25No worries.
21:26God bless you.
21:26Pleasure to help you.
21:27Legend.
21:52Oh, yes, boys.
21:57Jump on that second row.
21:59One of the requests from the suggestion box was for a better selection of beers.
22:04So what better way to lift my spirits than a little trip with the lads?
22:08Or some row beers.
22:09Oh, right, okay.
22:11Set the pallet.
22:11Ah.
22:12Back at base, Dani was getting her playground plans underway.
22:16Hello, how are you?
22:18I'm Dani.
22:18I'm not too bad, mate.
22:19Nice to meet you.
22:19Lovely to meet you, Mike.
22:20You're welcome.
22:20Thanks for coming to see us today.
22:23No problem.
22:24So, basically, here is their swimming pool area.
22:29Okay.
22:29Over here, the primary has obviously the clubhouse and the swimming pool and everything.
22:33So, he was like, oh, maybe we should do the park over at Nuts.
22:37But then, actually, it makes more sense if we have it here because obviously they've got
22:41the swimming pool area, they've got this nice bit of greenery.
22:44I kind of agree with what you're saying because if it's closer to the bar area, to the pool
22:49area, you've got that added dwell time.
22:51Yes.
22:52So, people will spend longer on site than trying to find other things outside of site.
22:56Absolutely.
22:57And then, if they're here and the kids are playing, they're obviously spending more money
23:01over the bar, which is increasing your profits and your revenues.
23:04Let's get measuring, shall we?
23:05Let's do it.
23:05Let's do it.
23:09More beer sales at the park means more money for entertainment bookings.
23:14But was Priory Hill ready for hipsters' posh pints?
23:18It's going to be very thorough.
23:19Here you go, chaps.
23:20Wow, what have we got here?
23:21Perfect.
23:22Right, okay.
23:23So, what a lovely little platter.
23:25Double check.
23:26There you go.
23:26You're going left to right as well.
23:28Here we go.
23:33Oh, that's lovely.
23:35Oh, yeah.
23:36Oh, that's a lovely little drop there.
23:37Sunday.
23:37They're all lovely.
23:38Got a Pallmelt Vienna malt flaked oats.
23:40I mean, imagine explaining that in the bars a bit.
23:42Yeah, I mean, I was just thinking that.
23:43Cheers.
23:44Cheers.
23:44Well done.
23:45Let's have a bang on this.
23:46Oh, yeah.
23:47That's naughty.
23:50That's a nice little drop, you know?
23:51Jesus, chaps.
23:52Drank them a little bit quicker than we were expecting.
23:54Well, let's have a go.
23:56Come on.
23:56Cheers, guys.
23:56Including Belgian waffles and Vermont maple syrup.
24:00Yeah.
24:01Bit vinegary.
24:02Just what the old fellas on a Saturday afternoon have been asking for.
24:05Have you got any beer that tastes like Belgian waffles and maple syrup?
24:08I don't know what I'm getting here.
24:11A flavour of freshly cut grass backed up with pine and citrus.
24:14You know what else smells of freshly cut grass?
24:18Spunk.
24:19Does it?
24:20I did not think you were going to say that.
24:21I've never heard that before.
24:24I don't know what I'm getting, though.
24:26Pissed.
24:26Yeah, liver disease.
24:28Right, so this is one we definitely couldn't sell in the club.
24:30We don't want people getting absolutely shit-faced.
24:33We've got a couple more, because you guys seem fairly thirsty.
24:35Wonderful.
24:36Lovely news.
24:37Will, I suppose the other question would be, how much would they be?
24:40A pint of 8.2% would probably be looking about eight or nine pounds.
24:45Oh, you called it, bro.
24:46The reason it's more expensive is because the higher the ABV,
24:48the more tax we pay on it.
24:50So, unfortunately, that's usually possible to the consumer.
24:52Oh, I didn't even consider that.
24:53So we'd have to do the same, man.
24:54Oh, yeah, yeah.
24:55At the Priory Club.
24:55Well, our cost comes from them.
24:59So they would charge us more for it.
25:00Oh, the tax is charged then?
25:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:02They're paying the tax on that higher ABV.
25:04So they would charge us more to buy it.
25:06So that's where the higher cost comes in.
25:07So it would cost us more to buy it, yeah.
25:09Oh, okay.
25:10I thought it would cost us more to sell, then.
25:12Because it would cost us more to buy it, yeah.
25:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:17I like that.
25:17I quite like that.
25:18What's your favourite so far?
25:19Now, we have been through a lot.
25:20Yeah, we have.
25:21I think for the Priory Club, Lumos and Kappa.
25:25Would you go and find out some numbers, Will?
25:27Of course, mate.
25:28Lovely.
25:28I'll give you some reddies.
25:30I'm absolutely battered.
25:38Pop Pop, bring your bowl, darling.
25:41I'll get it.
25:41I'll get it.
25:42Right, here we go.
25:43Go that way.
25:44Oh!
25:46Is that good?
25:48What a life we have.
25:50Ha-ha!
25:51Busy doing nothing.
25:59With Sean Williamson kicking off the suggested 80s night with Barry Oakey, all I now needed was to find a
26:06proper icon from that era for the top slot.
26:11But I need someone to round it off.
26:13Do you know what I mean?
26:13I'm trying to rack my brains.
26:14I need...
26:15I need a headline act.
26:18So there's got to be a certain age.
26:19There's got to be someone that represents the 80s.
26:21And it's got to be someone that is exciting and someone I can, you know, go, that's a headline act.
26:28But I just don't know what...
26:29Who am I going to get?
26:31Who's about?
26:32Who's alive?
26:35It's all a bit of a blur now, but a few days ago we toured a brewery and picked one
26:40to liven up the clubhouse bar.
26:43It smells like fucking fruit.
26:45In the suggestion box, someone wanted to try some parallels.
26:49You know, where's your owls?
26:50Where's your owls?
26:51How much real owl do we sell?
26:53Honestly.
26:54Have you ever tried to sell that owl?
26:55Yeah.
26:55We had it on a pump before and everything.
26:57It used to go off.
26:57It was lovely.
26:58It was nice.
26:58No one wants it.
27:00This is more like a lager than a real owl.
27:02It's a specialist thing, though, isn't it?
27:03This is more like a lager than a real owl.
27:04Fosters and smell of vodka.
27:06It's not like a real owl.
27:07I was like, oh, I like that one.
27:08And you boys didn't.
27:09You said it was too flat.
27:10Too strong.
27:11What we don't want is people getting off their...
27:13He don't mind it.
27:13He don't mind it.
27:14Fucking mind.
27:18Oh, no.
27:19Not for you, no?
27:20No, sorry.
27:21It's peachy, isn't it?
27:22Mark wanted a pint of fosters.
27:24Yeah.
27:25You're going to change the barrel, Dan?
27:27Oh, for fuck's sake.
27:28What do you think?
27:30I don't know.
27:31No, not for you.
27:32You're one of the fosters, don't you, Ron?
27:35A bit fruity for you.
27:36That's not too bad.
27:374.4%, so you can get off your nut on it.
27:40Elderflower.
27:42Elderflower.
27:43Yeah.
27:43Might be in it.
27:45It tastes a bit soapy, doesn't it?
27:46Like, some bubbles with your tongue.
27:49Yeah, you'd think he'd know a bit his way around the bar after being EastEnders, but...
27:54I've learned to keep me hampton out of the way of that till, anyway.
27:57Do you like it?
27:59No.
27:59I've sold 5,500 pints of fosters this season to now, and I've sold about 20 bottles of real ale.
28:06People like their liver, don't they?
28:07Well, I'll tell you what we do.
28:08We make a decision on the weekend, and I'm not including me and Jimmy.
28:11If no one buys this at a weekend, we'll scrap it.
28:15Cheers, boys.
28:17Enjoy your fosters.
28:23A week later, the playground designer had something to show us.
28:27What I've done is, I've mocked up your area to show you how it could look.
28:31Yeah.
28:32Based on the conversation we had, Dani, and the stuff that you were looking at and wanted in there,
28:37and this is what I came up with.
28:39Oh, wow.
28:39Let's have a look at this one.
28:41Oh, my God.
28:41Wow.
28:42Holy smokes.
28:44As you go through there, you'll see it broken down into different pieces,
28:47so you can see what each of it does.
28:49Sold.
28:49I really love that.
28:50How much is that?
28:51This comes in at about 55,000.
28:5455 grand?
28:55Yeah.
28:55What if you take away that, you know?
28:58It's a shy of 20 grand, wouldn't it?
28:59Okay.
29:00Now, I've got different options, but if...
29:02Yeah, good.
29:02Let's have a look.
29:02Let's have a look.
29:03So, this one we did, and this was 60,000.
29:07It's a bit chaotic for me.
29:08Then we've got this one, 140.
29:12140 grand?
29:13I mean, these are stunning, but...
29:14And there was a lot of groundwork.
29:15I'd live in that.
29:16I'd move into it.
29:17I'd live in that.
29:18Not for me.
29:18200 grand?
29:20200 grand.
29:20Who would spend 200 grand on a pot?
29:24I mean, it isn't...
29:25Look at that.
29:26It's in 200 grand there.
29:27Wow.
29:28Blow your mind now, then.
29:29250 grand.
29:31There we go.
29:31Fucking hell.
29:32Based on...
29:33It's got a castle.
29:34I want to give these kids joy.
29:36Look at that castle.
29:37But do I want to give them a quarter of a million pounds worth of joy?
29:39Do you know what?
29:40Listen, I would get this, but I don't think we can get planning permission for the size of it.
29:44Is that your excuse or your bank balance?
29:47Well...
29:47Planning permission from bank or the council.
29:50Well, I just don't think they'll allow it.
29:53Right, Mike, I need to...
29:55I love a mole mate, I do.
29:57They're great.
29:57Listen, I'm very frivolous.
29:59He's very frivolous.
30:00But how frivolous do I want to be?
30:01Well, yeah.
30:02Let's have it right, and I'm going to be honest.
30:04It's seven quid for Lurpak butter at the moment.
30:06It is seven pounds.
30:07Right?
30:08Everything's expensive.
30:09I've seen your fridge.
30:09You had two Lurpaks open the other day.
30:12They're big'uns.
30:13The biggest ones you could buy.
30:14Who can afford two Lurpaks?
30:16I'm talking about a quarter of a million pounds for a park.
30:17Who buys two large Lurpaks?
30:19Well, me.
30:20Me.
30:20I like me butter.
30:22I was in shock.
30:23I know.
30:23Middle-class man now, isn't I?
30:26With designs and price tags, we went to see Alex.
30:30The keeper of the purse strings.
30:34Right, now.
30:37I mean, I love them all.
30:39I love the one with the park.
30:40Now, one of them's a quarter of a million pounds.
30:43Yeah, I know.
30:43Can't tell me about it.
30:45So, there's one for 200 bags.
30:48There's one for 50 grand and one for 20.
30:49I think 20 grand...
30:50I don't think that's enough.
30:52I mean, 20 grand still feels so exaustionate, doesn't it?
30:54I mean, you just can't...
30:55Must be the wood.
30:56I don't know.
30:56I don't know.
30:58It's the label.
30:59Maybe seven quid for butter.
31:01We're going to have to go with the 20.
31:02Well, I think...
31:03Why can't we go for the 50?
31:05Because we haven't got 50 grand.
31:06Have we not?
31:07No.
31:08We're doing 20.
31:13With Alex on board, we sprinted towards the next hurdle.
31:17Swell Borough Council.
31:19Because on Sheppey, without planning permission,
31:22you can't even build a sandcastle.
31:26Go the other way.
31:27Because remember, it's running along there, isn't it?
31:29I'm sure it does.
31:30I'm sure it runs along there.
31:34You do need to get this right, just so they can prove it.
31:36Yeah, it's going to be...
31:37You can't say, I want it there, and then later on...
31:39It should be there.
31:40...they go, oh, mate, when it is, I wanted it over there.
31:42Right, that's that, though.
31:43That looks lovely.
31:44Lovely. Perfect.
31:45Finish driving.
31:45Finish it.
31:46Please describe details of the proposed development of works.
31:50We're creating a park for the deprived children of Laysdown.
31:56We are creating a park for the children.
31:58Deprived children of Laysdown, who need something to do.
32:01Otherwise, they'll be on drugs before they're 15 of the Isle of Sheppey.
32:07No, put deprived in, because...
32:09Not putting deprived.
32:10Please describe the current use of the site.
32:12Empty grass.
32:13Empty plot.
32:15Going to waste.
32:16How will the service be disposed of?
32:18Just put Mark.
32:21With respect to the authority, is the applicant or agent one of the following?
32:25Member of staff, an elected member, related to a member of staff, related to an elected...
32:29I'm an elected member, aren't I?
32:30Yeah, you're elected.
32:32I might put most known as Mick Carter.
32:35Iconic pub landlord, Mick Carter.
32:37Right then, shall we, um...
32:38Submit it, and then we'll just fucking see what happens, because...
32:41Honestly.
32:42Let's go.
32:50Three weeks since we started auditioning, the 80s night had finally arrived,
32:54and our only confirmed act, Sean Williamson, had rocked up early.
32:58The Kentish Riviera at its finest. My word.
33:07The Priory Club.
33:09The home of entertainment.
33:11Hello.
33:13You all right?
33:14Yeah.
33:14You ain't seen Danny Dyer, have you?
33:16No?
33:17Well, let me know if you do, wouldn't you?
33:20Unbelievable.
33:22Oh, here he is.
33:24Hello.
33:24You dragged me to some places.
33:25Look, I need...
33:26Sean, I do apologise about the weather.
33:27It's unbelievable.
33:28Mind you, you're a lays down man, so you understand.
33:31Oh, thanks for coming, mate.
33:33It's an absolute honour.
33:33Hello, how are you?
33:34Good to see you.
33:36Hello, thanks so much.
33:37This is the wonderful Darren.
33:39Yeah, Darren, you all right?
33:40Good to see you.
33:41You've gone the extra mile in here, buddy.
33:42It looks nice.
33:43Well, we'll put a couple of balloons up there.
33:45It's very 80s.
33:46This looks like my 18th birthday party at the park with British Legion.
33:49I'm taking that as a compliment, Sean.
33:51Yeah.
33:51Jim, are you who you met Sean?
33:53This is Jimmy.
33:54Hello, Jim.
33:55You all right, mate?
33:56Good to see you.
33:56I can't be looking forward to this day.
33:58Lovely to meet you.
33:58This place is ingrained into Jimmy, because it's been passed down this site.
34:02Oh, really?
34:02Generations of.
34:03Family, family, isn't it?
34:04Oh, lovely.
34:05Fancy blowing up some balloons, Sean?
34:06Go on in.
34:07Here you are.
34:07Yes, son.
34:08Good man.
34:09We'll get amongst you.
34:09How long have you been doing bariocchi for?
34:11Oh, that was a good start.
34:13Do you know what?
34:14Five years.
34:15Well, we're doing it about seven, but it doesn't count before Covid.
34:17We've only got a few in.
34:18And then after five years, yeah.
34:20So I do my turn.
34:22You're going to do your turn, yeah?
34:23And then you just finish with a bit of detail, yeah?
34:25Well, I've got another guest.
34:27A special guest that's going to be...
34:29All right.
34:29Well, I'm waiting on a phone call at the moment for...
34:31Who is it?
34:32Well, I don't want to say nothing yet, because...
34:34You ain't confirmed.
34:35No, fucking about, you know what I mean?
34:37So I don't know what's the matter with these people.
34:38But an 80s cat.
34:41So is he the warm-up?
34:43Well, he'll be on after you, Sean.
34:45You know, you're a special guest.
34:47Don't worry about that.
34:48But, you know, this cat brings the 80s.
34:51So he's top of the bill now?
34:52Well, I don't know if he's top of the bill.
35:01So, for about five minutes, I thought I was the biggest name Priory Hill had had since 1951.
35:05Now I've found out I'm not.
35:09Now that is showbiz.
35:18Danny knows a lot of celebrities, obviously, so it could literally be anyone, couldn't it?
35:22You know, Robbie Williams, Ed Sheeran, I guess.
35:25Jesus Christ.
35:26No offence to Sean, but if Robbie Williams turns up tonight, I think I'll shit myself.
35:31Oh, my God.
35:33Oh, what a touch.
35:36Yeah.
35:38Well, I was going to whack you on it about...
35:41I was thinking about eight, eight-ish.
35:45Yeah.
35:47Okay.
35:49Lovely.
35:50What are you bringing with? Are you coming on your jack, or...?
35:53I really appreciate this, son, yeah, honestly.
35:56You what?
35:58What do you mean?
36:01Right.
36:04All right, we'll get your agent to ping it over.
36:08Okay.
36:09All right, see you in a bit.
36:10Top man for this.
36:11I appreciate it.
36:14Watch a touch.
36:15All right.
36:16He's going to ping me over a ride.
36:17He's agent.
36:18All right, let's have a look.
36:19Boom, boom, boom.
36:20Oh, fuck it.
36:20All right, here we go.
36:24You're going to fucking laugh, ain't he?
36:29The headline act wasn't the only one taking the piss.
36:32The weather was at it too.
36:34And I was starting to worry no-one would turn up.
36:40Unbelievable.
36:40No-one about, though, Sean, is he?
36:42A bit thin on the ground, isn't it?
36:43Any way about?
36:45Come and get your barioke, folks.
36:47One night only.
36:48We're hoping they're all in there changing their drawers, Sean.
36:52Exactly, getting their party kit on.
36:53Hello, mate.
36:55Hello.
36:56Coming over to the clubhouse tonight.
36:57In the clubhouse tonight.
36:58We've got one pink open already.
37:00Oh.
37:00Get it.
37:01Brilliant.
37:01We'll see you over there.
37:02What's the names of the guys?
37:04What girls?
37:05Stan and Satan.
37:06Hello, Stan and Satan.
37:08Well, I think we'd better go on that note.
37:10Right, okay.
37:11See you later on, Satan.
37:12Brilliant.
37:13Anyone about?
37:15Let's be having you.
37:17Anyone?
37:19Someone really famous.
37:20What a racist.
37:22No.
37:24Boy George.
37:25I'd love it to be Boy George.
37:26Come on, come on, come on, come on, chameleon.
37:30Is he not there, is he?
37:31Madonna.
37:32I wish.
37:34Everyone's dressing up.
37:35I don't know what 80's gear is for a man.
37:37What is it?
37:37What's it?
37:38Bellbottoms.
37:40My headliner had confirmed, but if showbiz had taught me anything,
37:43it was to play it cool.
37:45It's like this walk.
37:47This is the walk of a man.
37:50Oh, yeah.
37:51You've got some moves there, darling.
37:53Sort of standing doing it.
37:53Yeah.
37:53This is the man who's pulled it out of the fucking van.
37:55What's the matter?
37:57I've got him.
37:57Martin Kemp.
37:58Shut up.
37:59Yes.
38:00He's agreed to do it.
38:01He wants to do me a favour, because he's a, you know, kind soul.
38:05Amazing.
38:06Lovely geezer.
38:07He's so nice.
38:08He's going to do a set, right?
38:09An hour, but...
38:10But?
38:11He's got a rider down.
38:13He wants one private lockable dressing room with toilet for the sole use of the act.
38:18So, somewhere for him to have a shit, no-one else.
38:19Fair.
38:20One reserved parking space.
38:22Sweet.
38:22Do that.
38:22That's fair.
38:23One unopened bottle of Bollinger Champagne Moe or Verve.
38:28Fair.
38:29Do you mean fair?
38:29Where the fuck am I going to get Bollinger when lays down?
38:31I didn't know he was a DJ, to be fair.
38:33I didn't know he was a diva.
38:34Whatever.
38:34Two M&S prawn chicken tuna or bean wraps.
38:38One small hand sanitiser gel.
38:41I do like that.
38:41Have you got any?
38:42I was going to ask.
38:42Yeah, I've got some.
38:43I do like my hat.
38:45One pack of antibacterial wipes.
38:47Love it.
38:47Oh no, I'm down for that.
38:48Have you got antibacterial wipes?
38:50I've got some antibacterial wipes.
38:51That's two off the fucking list.
38:53It was a bottle of vodka, one pack of steel water, four cans of Diet Coke, two Red Bull.
38:57This is where I'm fucked.
38:59He wants two M&S prawn chicken tuna or bean wraps.
39:03Right, what you do is go out and buy them from the cheapest shop possible.
39:07Take all the wrapping off and say it's M&S and just put them on a plate and cling film
39:11them.
39:11This is why I love you, mate.
39:13This is what I'm saying.
39:14But this is why stick with me, kid.
39:15What am I?
39:16Bottle of Tesco's own gin, tonic and a four-fingered Kit Kat.
39:20I know, mate.
39:20I know, mate.
39:21No aggravation with you.
39:22And I will shit with the public.
39:27Oh, Dal.
39:28What, mate?
39:29I bet you're very all over the gaff at the moment with so much fucking celebrity around you.
39:33Yeah, fucking...
39:34I'm still blown away, mate.
39:35Well, I've got another one.
39:36Oh, go on.
39:37Late reply to you.
39:39Martin Kemp.
39:41What, fucking Spandau Ballet?
39:42Got the least talented Spandau, but...
39:45The thing is, I've just got to mooch out.
39:47I've got to get him some shit.
39:48Is there a Karsy out of the back?
39:50There's a staff one.
39:51Yeah, I've been in that one.
39:52That's fucked, that one.
39:53Er...
39:54One in the swimming pool.
39:55It'll get a bit wet in there, don't it?
39:56Well, he ain't gonna have a shit in the swimming pool, is he?
39:58No, the toilet's in the tank.
39:59Oh, yeah, no.
40:02They can get up this way as well, yeah.
40:05I needed to track down some grub for Martin's rider, so I left the team hard at work.
40:09Oh, hang on.
40:10He's done it.
40:10He's done me.
40:11He's done me.
40:12I couldn't find an M&S on Sheppi, mainly because there ain't one.
40:16So I went for the next best fit.
40:18Wait till he gets a fucking load of this.
40:21You know, hopefully Martin will remember his old days in Spandau.
40:24You know, I'm sure he's had plenty of dressing rooms like this,
40:26but I don't think he's ever had a burger pasty.
40:30You know, listen, if it works out, he might like it.
40:33Maybe he will become a regular.
40:39With the Hall transformed back to the 80s,
40:43what have we become?
40:44I don't actually know.
40:46We're so illuminous.
40:48It was time to find out if we'd done enough
40:50to give the residents a night to remember.
40:52Here we go.
40:54Here we fucking go.
40:57Ditch in here, you little lot.
40:59Tonight, stars in your eyes, I am George Michael.
41:04There she is. Look at Marge Young.
41:06You gonna have a sing?
41:07No, I don't.
41:08Okay, well, you need to sign up over.
41:09You can't just waltz up here.
41:11Good effort, ladies and gentlemen. Look at ya.
41:15Oh, is it? Is that already?
41:17Nuts Farm, Priory Hill.
41:19Ladies and gentlemen, Barry Oakley.
41:26Hello, Priory Hill!
41:30Mustang, get in here!
41:33Ha!
41:34Yeah.
41:34All right.
41:36I was leaving the party in Sean's hands
41:38because my headline act had arrived.
41:42Danny.
41:44Martin.
41:44Look at you.
41:46Look at you, mate.
41:46Look at ya.
41:48Oh, what a joy.
41:49Great to see you, mate.
41:50Great to see you.
41:51Great to see you.
41:52How many you got in there?
41:53A couple of thousand or something?
41:57100 people.
41:58100?
41:59100 people.
41:59No, I know you're big time, but I'm trying to do a good thing on this caravan site.
42:03Of course.
42:04I'm here for you.
42:05They're good people.
42:05You know that.
42:06I'm here for you.
42:06I got the email about your rider.
42:09Yeah, yeah.
42:10You got it all, right?
42:12I'll show you what I got you.
42:13All right.
42:14Let's go.
42:16Woo!
42:17Tony!
42:22Right, this is your space.
42:24Now, I know you wanted your own cars here.
42:27What, in here?
42:28Downstairs?
42:29This is your plot.
42:31What, the whole thing?
42:32This is it.
42:33Right.
42:34Now, I, like I said, no M&S, right?
42:38But, um...
42:38Yeah.
42:39I got you a couple of buns.
42:40I did get you a wrap.
42:41But, um...
42:42I, uh...
42:44I got you a beef burger pasty.
42:46Three hours to get down here.
42:47I know, mate.
42:48I know.
42:48100 people.
42:49You got me a beef burger.
42:52There's about...
42:53There's about 110 out here.
42:55Yeah, listen, they're gonna love you down here.
42:57Right.
42:57Thank you, mate.
42:58I'll warm up in here.
43:00You're running about three-quarters of an hour.
43:02All right.
43:03I won't do any dancing.
43:04It's not space.
43:06To the left, to the right.
43:08Jump up and down and to the knees.
43:10Come and dance every night.
43:12Sing with a hula melody.
43:14They say, don't meet your heroes.
43:16And Barry from the EastEnders is one of my heroes.
43:18And he's a fucking legend.
43:19So that saying is bollocks.
43:20Down on the shore.
43:22Think of a romance.
43:24She showed me much more.
43:26I showed her my pants.
43:28Woo!
43:29Naughty!
43:29Hey!
43:30Hey!
43:30Hey!
43:31He's got me a dressing room with absolutely no space in it.
43:35A Chelsea bun.
43:37Ice.
43:37With a cherry on top.
43:39And a pasty.
44:06I'd like to thank these two beautiful people.
44:09And a lot from the sky.
44:11I wish you all the luck and love of the world.
44:12Thank you, Priory Hill.
44:14Good night.
44:14God bless.
44:14Ladies and gentlemen.
44:15Your host, Sean Williamson.
44:18Sean Williamson.
44:18Ladies and gentlemen.
44:20Danny Dover.
44:21Danny Dover, everyone.
44:22And Danny.
44:25It's not over.
44:26It's like an EastEnders reunion.
44:30Got someone very special.
44:32He drove three hours.
44:34Come all this way to come and see you.
44:36Yes, I want you to show this beauty.
44:39He's a beautiful man.
44:40I'll tell you what.
44:42Show this man the love and respect he deserves.
44:47Ladies and gentlemen.
44:49I'll give you.
44:52Martin Kemp.
45:02Ladies and gentlemen.
45:05I'll give you.
45:08Martin Kemp.
45:16I'll give you your voices.
45:17Come on.
45:182 to the end of it.
45:21Baby, I'm your man.
45:25I'm stopping now, I'm stopping now, I'm stopping now, I'm stopping now, I'm stopping now, I'm stopping now, I don't
45:32want to stop at all.
45:34Oh, they love you too.
45:56Oh, God. Great night, mate. Great night, mate, yeah. Amazing, wasn't it? Jesus Christ, I'm going to have a break.
46:03What a night. What a night, eh?
46:06This has got to be 100% the Danny Dyer effect. He's a grafter, he puts on a show like
46:11this tonight. What more could I ask for?
46:13Your wrist is unstoppable, always believin'. Honestly, what a night. I've got to say, all the old girls out there
46:25gushing over Martin Kemp, I mean, what a success story.
46:30I think I've got to be a realist and think about the fact that I can't get Sean and Martin
46:37Kemp every week, I just can't do it, they're too busy.
46:39So, I've got utmost respect for Darren, right, because, you know, some of the acts that he gets in there,
46:46some are shite, let's have it right, but some, I've got something about them, and I think it's a very,
46:50very tough gig.
46:51I suppose the only downside is, no-one wants me fucking craft beer, and that's a real shame, because, you
46:58know, they need to open their palates to these people instead of fosters, fosters, fosters. So, yeah, I think me
47:04and Jimmy will get rid of a lot of it.
47:06One, two, one, go.
47:08Next time, our playground woes continue.
47:12Unfortunately, we require further information to enable us to validate the application.
47:18But we have more luck sticking up some goalposts with help from a resident of yesteryear.
47:23Here we go, here's our little pitch, look. It's perfect. Perfect, innit, look.
47:27And I get stuck into bingo.
47:30This is so confusing.
47:32Badly.
47:33I mean, look at it all, look. It's like Spectrum, ZX Spectrum.
47:36I've underestimated it.
47:38Oh, my God.
47:41Oh, yeah!!
47:48I've got to do do d-do, push pineapple, shake the tree.
47:53I got to do d-do do, push pineapple, grind coffee.
47:57To the left, to the right, jump up and down unto the knees.
48:01Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody.
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