- 2 weeks ago
Will ten masc lesbians agree with each other about love, identity and societal conformities? Find out as they discuss hot takes admitted by one another.
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00:00There are people who literally will post every single second,
00:03I'm gay, I'm on a walk, I'm on a gay walk, this is a gay walk.
00:05I'm gay shopping, this is a gay shopping show.
00:08Okay, so, you have a job?
00:15Today, you will hear a series of hot takes submitted by all of you,
00:18and then you'll decide whether you agree or disagree.
00:23Okay.
00:24My hot take is that I date bisexuals
00:27as much as I enjoy dating lesbians.
00:36I am strictly lesbian.
00:38Everyone's a little different,
00:39and just as long as you like each other, I don't think it matters.
00:43I agree with you, I think everyone deserves a chance to get to know you,
00:47but I have been burned by too many bisexual women in my dating history,
00:52so I have to stay loyal to myself.
00:55But to each his own.
00:57As long as you're walking authentically in your belief and your desires,
01:03it's cool.
01:04No judgment, no condemning,
01:08just one community.
01:11Because bisexual women can kind of go incognito
01:15and not seem like or participate in queer community
01:18if they choose not to.
01:20I feel like that's kind of the line for me.
01:24Feminine women can walk incognito, too.
01:27Oh, yeah.
01:28The only ones that they really see are dykes like us.
01:34They don't think I'm straight?
01:35What are you talking about?
01:36There's no problem.
01:37As long as they like you and they have done the work to decenter men,
01:41you shouldn't give them a fair chance.
01:43I think if they love you, they love you.
01:45I don't really think it matters.
01:47I was in a relationship for six years with a woman
01:49who was in a relationship for 20 years with a man before me.
01:54We had a wonderful relationship.
01:57Honestly, I had a lot of girlfriends that claimed to be gay.
02:01And then while we were in the relationship,
02:04they treated me like a boy.
02:06But I was young, so I really didn't see it.
02:07I was just like, okay.
02:09Most of them are now with men.
02:10And it's just like, that's what it was?
02:13Like, you could have just told me and let me go about my being.
02:15Because like, I'm clearly not what you wanted at all.
02:18I'll never not date someone bisexual.
02:21It'll never be like a deal breaker for me.
02:24The first question kind of shocked me.
02:26I didn't know we were going to start off hot and ready.
02:29Most of the community, they feel invalidated
02:32when a bisexual woman leaves them for a man.
02:36And that's where a lot of the hurt comes from.
02:38People are all on their journey.
02:40And no matter where you just happen to fit into that journey,
02:44whether you got cheated on or whether she left you for a man
02:47or whether she left you and then got with a man,
02:50either or, your relationship is a relationship.
02:53And if people stay true to that and true to themselves,
02:56that's all that really matters.
02:57I think being gay should not be your entire personality.
03:00So like, where's the end?
03:02Right here?
03:03Yeah.
03:04Can I like lay over the...
03:08So I think being gay is super political.
03:11And as a mass presenting lesbian,
03:14like it's more than ever, we need to show up.
03:17When I was growing up,
03:18like I never had or never saw anyone that looked like me
03:22or looked like any of you on screen.
03:25And it's just so nice and reassuring to know that,
03:28yes, being gay is a good thing.
03:30I agree.
03:31That's why I'm like very starkly in the middle on this.
03:33I think now is the time to be as loud and obnoxious.
03:38And if you want to make it your whole personality, do it.
03:40Make people uncomfortable.
03:42Make them feel uncomfortable.
03:43We have to be challenging the challenges that we're facing.
03:46I totally agree.
03:48But the question was like making it your whole personality.
03:51To me, that feels like something that baby gays do.
03:58This was me.
03:59When I was like, you know, 15 and 16 and coming out,
04:02like it was rainbow everything in the 90s.
04:04I mean, look at us, right?
04:06I'm gay.
04:06You could, there's no doubt about that.
04:09I don't have to introduce myself.
04:11Hey, I'm Laura, I'm gay.
04:12I think the baby gay line was so true.
04:15Because yeah, I remember in middle school
04:16when I had just figured it out,
04:17I was like, wait, everyone needs to know about this.
04:20And it's going to be written all over my face.
04:22And I still think that's so beautiful
04:24that young people are able to feel comfortable now
04:26because there was a time where people would,
04:28there still is a time, we're kind of reverting,
04:30but there was a time where people would figure out
04:32that they're gay and it's a secret all of their lives.
04:35That part.
04:35I feel like as a black, masculine, lesbian, or like stud,
04:40I feel like it's more political in that sense
04:43because there's more stakes against us
04:46already being black and a woman.
04:48And then it's also being gay.
04:50And a lot of times people will take that out on you.
04:54And being out and very out about it can hurt you.
04:58But also there are a lot of invisible fans, right?
05:02And like people who are trans
05:04that don't get to be seen for who they are.
05:07So I think alternatively,
05:09it is important for them to express themselves
05:11in whatever way they feel comfortable.
05:14Yes, express yourself.
05:15Be that character that young kids can see on TV
05:18or on YouTube or whatever
05:19that they can road-mobber themselves after.
05:21But like, there are people who literally will post,
05:24I'm gay on a walk.
05:25I'm on a gay walk.
05:26This is a gay walk.
05:27I'm gay shopping.
05:28This is a gay shopping show.
05:30Like that's doing way too much.
05:32This is now the time to like be gay
05:34and be proud about it.
05:35But like also have other things going for yourself
05:37because like you're just gay.
05:38Okay, so you have a job?
05:39I think I'm just me.
05:41My morals and my values
05:43and how I present myself.
05:45I'm just Laura.
05:47There's way more substance to me than being gay.
05:50It is a part of who we are
05:52and it is a personality
05:54because it has driven us
05:56to believe in certain ideas.
05:58I think a lot of that
05:59becomes who we are as people
06:02and that that's why I thought
06:05it was a hard disagree.
06:07My masculinity has nothing to do
06:10with emulating men.
06:12Yeah, right?
06:12Like let's just make a lie.
06:14Yeah, basically.
06:15Yeah, right?
06:15How close do we get?
06:18Why would I want to be that?
06:21Folks look at us
06:22and they say that
06:23because we're masked,
06:24we're just women
06:26dressed in men clothes
06:27trying to be men.
06:28Not true.
06:29First of all,
06:30I bought those clothes
06:31so they're mine.
06:33Second of all,
06:34that's how I feel comfortable
06:35in my presentation.
06:37I'm walking authentically
06:39as myself.
06:40Not as nobody's man,
06:43nobody's this, that,
06:44but as Pat.
06:46I feel like butchness
06:47is devoid of masculinity.
06:50We are not connected to them.
06:52We're not trying to emulate them.
06:54We are creating our own culture
06:56and our own way
06:58that we feel good
06:59that's separate.
06:59I think I dress like this
07:00because I'm comfortable
07:01dressing like this.
07:02I've had to wear dresses
07:03for weddings
07:04and it's brutal.
07:05It's not me.
07:06I'll rock it
07:07if I have to.
07:08I just feel comfortable
07:09in, you know,
07:10t-shirt and jeans.
07:11Call it a day.
07:12People conflate
07:13masculinity with maleness
07:15and I don't think
07:16that's like
07:16a fair description.
07:18A lot of it
07:19is an energy, right?
07:20Right now,
07:21the men trying to copy us.
07:22They see us doing it
07:23better than they can.
07:24I will never
07:25get down there again.
07:27Now stand up
07:29on your knees
07:30for a question about men.
07:31I think not.
07:32My hot take is
07:33dating and sex
07:34should not be so casual.
07:36I'm really in the middle.
07:38I mean,
07:40sex,
07:41sometimes you need it.
07:42Not about a relationship,
07:44not about that.
07:44Sometimes you just
07:45need that closeness.
07:46Sex is such an energy exchange
07:48that it's just like
07:48I don't feel comfortable
07:50just giving myself
07:51to anybody.
07:52I feel like
07:52it's just the terminology.
07:54Courting is when
07:55you can date around them.
07:56But I feel like
07:57once you're dating somebody
07:58and you're like
07:59making that decision
08:00to be with them
08:01and to get to know
08:02that person more,
08:03it should just be you
08:04and that person.
08:04And that's not for everybody.
08:06It's definitely
08:06your body of your choice.
08:07Don't let me tell you
08:08what to do.
08:09But I just feel like
08:10it should be
08:10of a higher regard.
08:11Like,
08:12these are our bodies,
08:13our souls,
08:13our energy
08:14that we are just
08:14intertwining
08:15and exchanging people
08:16that we'll never
08:17see again.
08:18Now you're wondering
08:18why you're mad all the time
08:19because you're carrying
08:20some random person's energy
08:21that you don't even know of.
08:23I just got out of
08:24almost a seven-year relationship.
08:25I haven't been
08:26with anyone since.
08:27And it's been a year.
08:28Am I just going to
08:29jump into something else?
08:30I think once you lay down
08:31with somebody,
08:33the game changes.
08:35I don't want to say,
08:36like,
08:36you haul it up,
08:37but the attachment
08:38comes real quick.
08:39If you're good,
08:41she's going to fall in love.
08:42See?
08:42That's what I'm saying.
08:43It's not love.
08:45It's lust.
08:46Where's the emotion?
08:47Where's the attachment?
08:49Where's the,
08:49I'm yours,
08:50you're mine.
08:51It's the aftercare.
08:52Yeah.
08:52Now you're just getting up,
08:53calling your Uber,
08:54um,
08:55you ain't going to cover me?
08:56Yeah.
08:57You don't really want me
08:58for me.
08:58You want me for my body.
08:59You want me for what I make you feel.
09:00What I can give you.
09:01Yeah.
09:02Not what I'm actually
09:03trying to bring to your life.
09:04Who wouldn't?
09:04Look at you.
09:06Why?
09:08Why?
09:08My hot take is that
09:09masculine lesbians
09:10can be just as feminine
09:11as femme lesbians.
09:19Okay.
09:20I am not putting on a dress.
09:22I am strictly masculine of center.
09:25But if you're really
09:26a masculine of center lesbian,
09:28that's where you stand.
09:30I'm an old school butch.
09:32I stand with being
09:34masculine of center.
09:35I don't judge.
09:37I don't take nothing
09:38from anybody else,
09:39but no.
09:41I feel like I was
09:42more so switching
09:43because I feel like
09:45Pat had mentioned
09:46the clothes.
09:48Yeah.
09:49Wearing certain clothes
09:50are not for me.
09:51If you dress masculine
09:5290% of the day
09:53and then one day
09:54you want to put that on
09:55and dress in some makeup,
09:55do your thing.
09:56Who cares if you're
09:57too masc or too femme?
09:59I think
10:00that we can have duality.
10:03That being feminine
10:05doesn't really take away
10:06from how I portray
10:07my masculinity.
10:08And if I want to put
10:09on some makeup sometimes,
10:10I don't think that
10:11really takes away
10:12from who I am
10:13at my core.
10:14So are we talking
10:14feminine as in like
10:16are you dressing
10:17the makeup
10:17and all of that?
10:19Because I'm the
10:19girliest of girls.
10:20That's what I'm saying.
10:23I dress like this
10:24but I am.
10:25I want to be cuddled
10:26and all of that.
10:27Bring me flowers.
10:29Do something like that.
10:30Take me on a date.
10:31I mean I'm all for it
10:32but are we coming
10:36with the clothes
10:37because if we're
10:37doing the clothes
10:38I'm over here with you.
10:39You know what I mean?
10:40But inside like
10:41I'm still a woman
10:42doing drool.
10:43I am a woman.
10:45I am not a man.
10:46However,
10:47I think different
10:49from my feminine
10:50counterpart.
10:51I don't know.
10:52It's just not the same.
10:54I've been mistaken
10:55for a man.
10:56I don't get offended.
10:58It's kind of validating.
10:59You know?
11:00Yeah.
11:01I am all female
11:02on the inside.
11:03Probably the girliest
11:05that they come.
11:06You just have to get
11:07that chance
11:07to get to know me.
11:08The outside is just
11:09a shell.
11:10I think monogamy
11:11is embarrassing.
11:17Strongly disagree.
11:19It's not embarrassing.
11:19It's beautiful.
11:20That's right.
11:21Yes.
11:22Absolutely.
11:23Does anyone here
11:24consider themselves poly
11:25or is everyone
11:26with monogamy?
11:27I've been in an
11:28open relationship
11:29before.
11:30How about if you
11:31didn't know?
11:32Because that's happened.
11:34Had my first girlfriend
11:35when I was 14
11:36and I don't think
11:37I've spent more than
11:38two months single
11:39since then.
11:40Took a year
11:41to really be single
11:42and really look inward
11:44and now I'm starting
11:46a relationship
11:46with someone that
11:47I've known for a long
11:48time which is another
11:49game changer for me.
11:51I love monogamy.
11:52Can't get enough
11:53of the stuff.
11:54Sometimes it does
11:55feel kind of
11:56embarrassing.
11:57Feels like this
11:57like pie in the sky
11:58like beautiful idea.
12:00It feels very vulnerable
12:01almost like I'm admitting
12:02that like I believe
12:03in the tooth fairy
12:04or something.
12:05I'm a hopeless romantic.
12:06I'm still open
12:07on the notebook
12:07and that kind of
12:09you know
12:09queer thing for me.
12:11My hot take is
12:12approach dating
12:13with zero expectations.
12:17Oh.
12:19Oh.
12:20Great.
12:21I think that there
12:22are fundamentals
12:24and basics
12:24that you should always
12:25expect from someone
12:26when starting a bond
12:28with them.
12:29Respect, communication,
12:31authenticity.
12:32The list goes on
12:33of things that are
12:34human decency
12:35that you should always
12:36put forward
12:37when meeting someone.
12:38The basics
12:39are the basics.
12:39You know what I mean?
12:40Which a lot of times
12:42you really don't get.
12:43As far as what I said
12:44with no expectations
12:46is like
12:47just go in
12:48and wholeheartedly
12:49just have fun.
12:50Yeah.
12:50The other side of the coin
12:51is a beautiful one.
12:52Like yes, go in.
12:53Don't expect anything
12:54from one another.
12:56Just foster something
12:57gorgeous together.
12:58That's perfect.
12:59It's natural
12:59to have expectations.
13:01I want my partner
13:02to be this kind of person
13:03and I don't want
13:04to date somebody
13:05who's like in the streets
13:06who's like a gangster.
13:08Like I'm sorry.
13:08I don't expect you
13:10to be a good civilian.
13:11As far as expectations
13:12I'm low-key
13:14a Broadway nerd.
13:15People look at me
13:16they would never expect.
13:17I got rent tattooed
13:19on me all of that.
13:20You can't go into
13:20expectations
13:21because I don't know.
13:22You know you like CrossFit.
13:24I'm allergic to the gym.
13:25That doesn't mean
13:25that we won't
13:27you know rock out.
13:28That's why I say
13:28no expectations.
13:30It's a big question
13:31to talk about
13:32what you expect
13:32and don't expect
13:33from someone
13:34that you're wanting
13:34to start dating.
13:36Very good hot take.
13:37Bonus hot take.
13:38U-hauling
13:39is not healthy.
13:40What is that?
13:42Like moving in
13:43within like a week
13:44or two?
13:44Yeah.
13:45Oh no.
13:46No.
13:47Can't say
13:48I haven't done it
13:49but
13:50This is why
13:51I strongly agree.
13:53Exactly.
13:54Okay.
13:54I have to come over here
13:56because my partner
13:57and I moved in
13:58together way too quickly.
14:00We said
14:00I love you
14:01within like
14:01two weeks of meeting.
14:03Oh my God.
14:03Started a long
14:04distance relationship.
14:05I moved back
14:07to New York
14:07immediately moved in
14:09with her
14:09and we'd been dating
14:09for less than six months.
14:11Maybe that's not
14:11technically a U-Haul.
14:13It is.
14:13It is.
14:14I think it is.
14:14Okay.
14:15Thank you for the validation.
14:16She's the love of my life
14:17and we're getting married.
14:18So U-Hauling does have
14:19its...
14:20Are we invited?
14:21Sometimes it works.
14:22That's what I'm saying.
14:22You could still have a girlfriend
14:23and they could spend
14:25every day over
14:26and sleep over
14:27five nights
14:28out of the week
14:29but
14:2924 hours
14:30is
14:31much different.
14:33It takes a long time
14:34to really
14:35really
14:36get to know
14:36the depth
14:38of somebody
14:39and to know
14:40if you're able
14:41to live
14:41with that person.
14:42You're welcome.
14:43If you have
14:44U-Hauled you more.
14:46Well they like
14:47U-Hauled
14:47into
14:48my place.
14:50You were the victim
14:51of a U-Haul.
14:52They come to me.
14:54I know you said
14:55to be there
14:5624 hours
14:56with that person.
14:57You can U-Haul
14:58and still have separate lives.
14:59The reason why people
15:00U-Haul I feel
15:00is because it's like
15:01oh my God
15:02I'm obsessed with you.
15:03I can't get enough of you.
15:04We have to move in
15:05or I can't afford
15:06where I'm living.
15:08I think it also
15:08depends on your age
15:10and where you are
15:11in your romantic life.
15:12I U-Hauled
15:13at 18 years old
15:14fresh out of my
15:15house in high school
15:17with a girl
15:17and we lived together
15:18for two years
15:19and it shaped me
15:21in all the ways
15:22that I am today.
15:23You go through
15:24the things that are
15:25difficult to make you
15:26stronger
15:26and I think
15:27without those two years
15:28spent living
15:29with that girl
15:30I would not be
15:30the person I am today
15:31and I love who I am today.
15:33I think it's a crap
15:34shoot.
15:34Yeah.
15:35It can go either way
15:36it can go good
15:37or it can be bad.
15:39I think it's important
15:40to have conversations
15:41because we're always evolving
15:42and it's the way
15:44that we can learn
15:44about each other
15:45and if we don't talk
15:47about these things
15:48you know
15:49there's no conversation
15:50for people to
15:52build on.
15:53Just being able
15:54to hear different
15:54ages and perspectives
15:56because I love
15:58just hearing people
15:58talk really.
15:59I'm a wallflower.
16:01I may have a lot
16:02of outbursts
16:03but I love to listen.
16:04I think it's important
16:05to have these conversations
16:06but I just don't want
16:07them to only happen
16:07in the echo chamber
16:08of our own community.
16:10Some of these questions
16:11were hard hitters
16:11and like talking about
16:13the time that I lived
16:14with that person
16:15like is not an easy
16:16topic for me
16:16so it was nice
16:17to laugh about it
16:18and just use it
16:19authentically.
16:20I don't feel like
16:21you ever have a lot
16:22of masculine lesbians
16:23all in one room
16:24together
16:24that are enjoying
16:26each other
16:26and having a good time.
16:28We're all on that
16:29nice level playing field
16:30and I thought
16:30that was really cool.
16:31Coming here
16:32and meeting everyone
16:33I just
16:35I felt
16:36part of the community.
16:37It's a different
16:39kind of world
16:40out here now
16:41and
16:42I'm just glad
16:43that I'm not
16:44in a box anymore.
16:46Also seeing
16:48older lesbians
16:49older masculine lesbians
16:50was cool.
16:51It's so good
16:52to be
16:53in community
16:54where
16:55everyone
16:56can feel
16:57comfortable
16:57with sharing
16:59and being
17:01their authentic
17:02self.
17:02I preach it
17:04I teach it
17:06I sleep it
17:07I love it.
17:08Be authentic
17:09be who you are.
17:13Should I take a bow now?