- 15 hours ago
F&Y Films
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:10My first time, just gone like that.
00:18Oh my god, it was him I was with?
00:25I just want to thank everyone for their incredible contract.
00:30Thank you for your contributions as we roll out our new product, the Invisible Man condoms.
00:35This innovative condom is ultra-thin with seamlessly placed ridges.
00:40It's ultimately seamless for him and complete pressure for her.
00:45I believe there's a lot of market value in this product and I could not be more proud of what
00:50we've created together.
00:55Vivian, what the hell are you doing using my conference room?
00:58I'm sorry, Mr. Bates, but I believe I have this room reserved for the 2 p.m. slot.
01:03I trust you, can we see your way out?
01:07As I was saying.
01:09I'm shutting this project down.
01:12What?
01:14Excuse me?
01:15But you haven't even tested the design yet.
01:18It's flawless.
01:20Yeah, yeah, whatever, you're ultra-rich, condoms, the market's saturated with them.
01:27I bet you haven't even tested them out yourself.
01:31Have you?
01:33That is none of your business.
01:37I have conducted plenty of market research and the feedback is glowing.
01:42You just can't stand that I might have actually come up with something better than you.
01:46I'm cutting the funding.
01:49That's vinyl.
01:50You prick.
01:51This isn't even about the product.
01:52This is just because you wouldn't know how to pleasure a woman if she talked to you.
01:55Ew, man, for Christ's sake.
01:57You really don't have to say something like that?
01:58Let's not just get up.
02:00Okay, okay, okay.
02:00Mr. Bass, please, it really is a nice product.
02:04Not that I've tested it myself, but I've heard it's pretty good.
02:06Shut up, Nick.
02:08Everyone, out.
02:10I need to talk to Ms. Sawyer privately.
02:27You're insane.
02:31You don't think she's going to let kill you, is she?
02:42You prick.
02:45You have been jealous of me ever since we were kids and I beat your ass in the science fair.
02:50You can't stand the idea that I might actually outshine you.
02:54Vivian, starting a product line isn't child's play.
02:58You don't even know what you're doing.
03:00You know what?
03:01I don't have time for this.
03:05Girl, you don't think they're going to fuck in the conference room, do you?
03:10That's your 50 bucks, do we?
03:15Oh, and you're such an expert.
03:17You've been riding on your daddy's coattails.
03:20You don't know innovation.
03:22You don't get viral marketing.
03:23You don't understand what a customer really wants.
03:29And you do?
03:31Look, a lot more goes into product distribution than a good idea.
03:35You're in way over your head.
03:39Why are you so close to me?
03:41You're the one that tripped me.
03:44Help me up.
03:49Vivian.
03:51Get off me.
03:53Right.
03:57Hey, Mom.
03:59Dad, what is it?
04:06I set you up with one of my friend's sons, and he is New York City's most eligible bachelor.
04:13Mom, you picked the worst possible time.
04:16I'm in the middle of product launch.
04:17I don't have time for your blind dates.
04:20Vivi, you're going to want to meet this one.
04:22He's loaded.
04:23I mean, I don't know.
04:24You, uh, turn on the charm, and maybe he'll invest in your products.
04:29I hate it when you make a good point.
04:33Angie's restaurant, 5 p.m.
04:35They're standing on the floor very hip.
04:38Don't be late.
04:39I made reservations.
04:40Wait.
04:41Tonight?
04:42I don't have...
04:43Bye!
04:46Alex, I hate to push this again.
04:49Well, then don't.
04:50Listen.
04:51I've arranged a meeting with a lovely young girl.
04:54I know her family.
04:56They're good people.
04:56You two.
04:57You two should talk.
04:59I have a work meeting tonight.
05:00Can't make it.
05:01Well, then push it.
05:03Need I remind you that I can pull the plug on your inheritance anytime I want?
05:07Dad!
05:08What?
05:09Don't be late.
05:13Dad!
05:14I guess I have to sabotage this myself.
05:19Nick!
05:21I need a new shirt.
05:26Oh.
05:30What the fuck am I supposed to say?
05:33Hi, my mom set me up on this date.
05:35I don't really want a boyfriend, but hey, do you happen to have $2 million to invest in my condom
05:42brand?
05:42I don't really want a boyfriend.
05:43Oh.
05:44Oh.
05:47Okay.
05:48Okay.
06:03Hi, my name's Vivian.
06:05If you're interested in investing, I have an exceptional line of adult products.
06:12You got to be kidding me.
06:14You're the lovely girl.
06:17Of course you'd ask my dad to set this up to get back in my good graces.
06:21I always knew you wanted me.
06:23Don't delude yourself, prick.
06:26For your information, I had no idea who I was meeting today.
06:30My mom put me up to this.
06:32Right.
06:33You expect me to believe that you didn't beg my dad to set this shindig up?
06:37Oh please, you know as well as I do, our parents have been trying to set us up since high
06:42school.
06:43You probably tricked us into this.
06:46Sure.
06:47As charmed as I am by your groveling, some of us don't have time to burn.
06:53I got somewhere to be.
06:57No, no, no, no, Vivian, what is she doing?
07:00Son, what are you doing? Get in there.
07:02Good.
07:02I can't stand breathing the same air as you anyway.
07:13Richard, what do we do?
07:15Do you think they're on to us?
07:17I don't know.
07:17But my stupid son is standing your daughter up.
07:22Not on my watch.
07:25Give me that.
07:36I'm so sorry.
07:37I have a meeting to get to.
07:39I'm really, really sorry.
07:40Is there anything I can do?
07:42Not unless you have a spare suit.
07:44Well, let's just get you back to that table here.
07:46And I will take this back to my apartment.
07:48And I'll throw it in the wash.
07:49No, wait.
07:50Just take an hour.
07:51And I'll just be back in an hour.
07:53Now there you go.
08:02Oh, great.
08:03You're back.
08:04Look, I...
08:06What happened to your suit?
08:08It's kind of a whole story.
08:10Well, I have to run.
08:13Wait.
08:14Where are you going?
08:15I'm meeting someone for drinks.
08:17You have a date lined up after our date?
08:20Not that it's any of your business,
08:22but not every meeting has to be a date.
08:25Besides, where were you running off to so quick?
08:28Well, I did have a business meeting,
08:30but some crazy lady with some crazy hat
08:33plowed into me with her coffee.
08:34And I'm not going to show up
08:36looking like a dirty rag after a morning rush.
08:40Well, good luck on your suit.
08:42I don't care.
08:45Hang on, hang on.
08:46You can't just leave me here waiting for an hour.
08:49Dining alone is humiliating.
08:50You know what's humiliating?
08:53Having your funding pulled by your boss's son
08:56in the middle of your product launch.
08:58I spent three years developing that product,
09:01and now I'm back to square one
09:02trying to find an investor.
09:04Okay, look.
09:06If I sit here and I listen to your pitch,
09:08I mean, consider it.
09:10Will you stay with me until my suit is ready?
09:13Promise not to laugh?
09:14I promise to try not to laugh.
09:20I promise to try not to laugh.
09:36I want to protect our love.
09:39When the moment matters,
09:42heroes choose wisely.
09:43Strength and sensitivity.
09:50Invisible man, ultra-ripped condom.
09:54Seamless and invisible for him.
09:56Absolute pleasure for her.
09:58Invisible man,
09:59love boldness.
10:06That was actually...
10:08I told you.
10:10I knew you majored in marketing,
10:12but I didn't think you were any...
10:13That was any good?
10:14Do you let anyone finish their sentences?
10:17So what do you think?
10:19You want to invest or what?
10:22Look, Vivian,
10:23I got to be honest with you.
10:25Condoms like this
10:27is a dime in a dozen.
10:29And I meant it when I said that
10:31the market is saturated with them.
10:33But
10:33product is only as good as its marketing.
10:36And the marketing...
10:38It's good.
10:40You got a gift.
10:42Are you serious?
10:44What?
10:45No conviction in your abilities?
10:47Plenty of conviction in my abilities.
10:49None in you.
10:51Ouch.
10:52But you'll back it.
10:54I'll consider putting it back on the roster.
10:57Have a pitch deck on my desk by Monday
10:59and I'll see what I could do.
11:01You won't regret this.
11:02I hope not.
11:06Vivian?
11:08Alan?
11:10Who the hell is that?
11:14Alan?
11:15Who the hell is that?
11:17My ex.
11:23Alan, what are you doing here?
11:26Well...
11:27Alan Birch.
11:28Nice to meet you.
11:30Pleasure.
11:31Anyway.
11:32I was going to our special spot
11:35and I walked past and saw you sitting here
11:37so I thought maybe...
11:38Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:39Our spot?
11:40Your spot?
11:41You two have a spot.
11:43Is that all right with you?
11:46Wait.
11:47This is the guy you're meeting up after meeting me?
11:50Alex, my mom sent me up on this date.
11:54I'm just grabbing drinks with Alan after.
11:57Look, man.
11:58Am I interrupting something?
12:00No, you're not interrupting anything.
12:03Oh.
12:04Alex?
12:05Our parents set us up on a blind date.
12:08Not exactly screwing you over.
12:11Well, if he's not interrupting anything,
12:13I guess there's nothing further to talk about.
12:16You can kiss the funding.
12:17Goodbye.
12:18Excuse me?
12:19Oh, you're excused.
12:21Wouldn't want to take away from your very important date.
12:25Goodbye, Miss Soy.
12:27Pissing.
12:28Oh, are you jealous?
12:30You know, I don't blame you, mister.
12:32I'm 27 and I've never had a girlfriend.
12:35I too have had a girlfriend.
12:37What the fuck is going on?
12:40Oh, Jesus.
12:42I hope Alex doesn't screw this up for us.
12:45Vivian can just swallow her pride for once.
12:49Are we crazy?
12:51I mean, they haven't exactly gotten along since high school.
12:54They were inseparable as kids.
12:57Yeah.
12:58I hope it just doesn't blow up in our faces, though.
13:02You know, that was really impressive,
13:04what you did with the coffee.
13:07That accent.
13:09Oh, you mean this old thing?
13:11Thank you, Richard.
13:12That's so kind of you.
13:14Yeah.
13:16How long do we have before we have to get back?
13:19About an hour, give or take?
13:27Are you serious?
13:28You and me?
13:31Oh, oh, oh.
13:37Am I interrupting something or...
13:40Sit.
13:41Sit.
13:44Alex here is loaded and he's going to pay for a meal.
13:48I'm not going to pay.
13:49You're not up it.
13:50No, I'm not going to pay for this.
13:52Waiter.
13:52Please?
13:56Jesus Christ.
13:58So if you get married and have kids,
14:00am I going to pay for their college tuition too?
14:05Whoa!
14:08Oh, why haven't we been doing that for years?
14:12I don't know.
14:20Oh, my God.
14:23I mean, is it time?
14:25Should we be getting back?
14:27Or...
14:28I think you could still use another spin cycle,
14:31don't you?
14:31I could give you another spin cycle.
14:41Look, Vivian.
14:43I was expecting tonight to be just two of us.
14:47Of course.
14:48Alex?
14:50Why don't you go pay for our meal now?
14:52We'll take it from here.
14:55That is, of course,
14:56unless Daddy forgot to give you your allowance for the week.
15:00I have my own money.
15:02Look, man, if it is...
15:04No!
15:05Nonsense.
15:06Alex has got it.
15:08Right, Alex.
15:13There.
15:14Happy?
15:15Very.
15:16You can leave now.
15:18Oh, no.
15:20I paid for a four-course meal.
15:22I'm staying for dessert.
15:24Don't you have a very important business meeting to attend to?
15:28I still don't have my fucking suit.
15:30Then buy a new one.
15:32Look,
15:34we have...
15:35How about we just leave?
15:37Fine.
15:39I'll take that.
15:43Enjoy dessert.
15:58Alex.
15:59I'm so sorry again.
16:01Here's your clean suit.
16:04Alex, huh?
16:05I don't recall telling you my name.
16:08Shit.
16:09It's okay, Miss Sawyer.
16:11I know it's you.
16:12Good accent, by the way.
16:13Oh, fuck.
16:15Dad, you can come out, too.
16:22What are you two doing here?
16:24People watching.
16:25Running errands.
16:26Running errands.
16:27People watching.
16:29Selling porn.
16:31Enough.
16:32Look, I know you're trying to get me and Vivian together.
16:35That's never going to happen.
16:37We can't stand each other.
16:39Besides, she already has her.
16:42Alan.
16:43You guys have known each other since you were kids.
16:45You're both single.
16:47What is the holdup?
16:48You're both single.
16:49Why don't you date each other?
16:53Alex.
16:54I think Vivian just left with her old boyfriend, Alan.
16:57Great.
16:58He seems like an amazing guy.
17:00What's that got to do with me?
17:01Look, I know he might seem like he's good for her.
17:04But he is not good for her.
17:06He is a playboy.
17:07Please, I am begging you.
17:08I think you would treat her so well.
17:10With all due respect, Miss Sawyer, that's not my responsibility.
17:14Feel free to take over the table.
17:16I've lost my appetite.
17:19Hmm.
17:23Oh, Richard.
17:24What?
17:25You've given me quite an appetite.
17:29How have you been?
17:30I've been good.
17:33Is she really that happy with him?
17:42Why is it so hot?
17:44I can turn on the air con.
17:45I've already had my meal.
17:48Why is this bothering me?
17:53How have you been?
17:54I've been good.
17:55And you?
17:56I'm good.
17:58I just finally finished my clinical hours.
18:00And I'm officially Dr. Alan Birchweiss and Sam David.
18:04Oh, funny.
18:05The guy who made me turn to therapy ends up being a therapist.
18:11I deserve that one.
18:12Just giving you a hard time.
18:15No one's a saint in college.
18:17Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
18:19I'm finally ready to be with a girl that I like.
18:23And I was hoping that we'll meet again.
18:26I'm finally ready to be with a girl that I like.
18:28Shh.
18:28Man.
18:39Damn it.
18:40Drive.
18:41Oh, okay.
18:47Are you okay?
18:48Yeah.
18:53Hey, kids.
18:55Am I interrupting your little date?
18:57Oh, my God.
18:59You're obsessed.
19:00Why don't you go get your own date?
19:03Can't get one.
19:04Can you?
19:05I hope you know what you're getting yourself into.
19:08She's rude.
19:09She has no filter.
19:11And she's the single most insufferable and ill-mannered woman I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.
19:16So if that's what you're into.
19:18I love every part of her.
19:20I always have.
19:21And I always will.
19:23How long has always been, huh?
19:25Maybe you met Vivian in college, but I've known her since her diaper days, pal.
19:29What is this?
19:30A dick measuring contest?
19:33Wait.
19:33I get it.
19:34You hired him to swoop in on our date to embarrass me, didn't you?
19:39Alex, not all of us have to pay for our dates.
19:42Yeah, come on, Viv.
19:44It started to rain now.
19:45Let's get out of here.
19:50I have a car.
19:53Hey, boss.
19:53It's raining.
19:55Should we get in the car?
19:57Hey, Nick.
19:58I need you to dig up everything you can find on Alex Birch.
20:01I don't believe this nice guy crap.
20:03Yes, sir.
20:10Jesus.
20:11Viv, you look hot today.
20:13Well, the implication that I do not look hot every day does not go unnoticed.
20:18Obviously not what I meant.
20:20Look, what came for you?
20:22I didn't even care with a note.
20:26Hey, could these be from Alex?
20:30They must be from Alan.
20:33He started obsessed with you.
20:35How did they go last night?
20:36It went great.
20:38It went great.
20:40Don't you have some schedules to send out?
20:43Oh, you're no fun.
20:45I'll see you later.
20:55Alan.
20:57I like Alan.
20:59He's done the work.
21:01Yeah, it's good work.
21:08Good morning, Viv.
21:10I remember you loved Red Roses.
21:12Well, good morning.
21:14What's up?
21:15Well, if you're not in the mood for a small talk, I'll cut to the chase.
21:19Do you want to go on a date with me tonight?
21:37Oh, so agile.
21:46Richard, we've been worried about the children for years.
21:50This night is for us.
21:52Oh, what a perfect night to try Vivian's new aphrodisiac.
21:57Ooh.
21:59Naughty, naughty.
22:02You're so debonair.
22:04You're like a blonde James Bond.
22:08Sean Connery.
22:09I'm not into it.
22:10Danny Craig.
22:11No offense, Danny.
22:17I thought you said they were going to be out all night.
22:19They must have come back early.
22:21Jesus, what are we going to do?
22:24We have to get out of here.
22:26Come on.
22:37What's with the mood lighting?
22:41I thought we were just having a coffee.
22:45I have no idea what this is, but it looks like my mom's handiwork.
22:50But I'm not complaining.
22:52I'm not complaining.
22:53I can use a drink.
22:55Okay.
23:01But the special wine!
23:12Oh.
23:13Don't get the wrong idea.
23:15Okay, that's a new product I'm testing.
23:18I must have forgot I left it out.
23:21Okay, well, see, the way you love your job is what I admire the most about you.
23:37Do you want her to see us like this?
23:41We leave, we change clothes, and then we stop them.
23:45We're on the second floor.
23:46We don't have a choice.
23:49Twice, my son, so goddamn useless.
23:52Oh!
23:56Whoa!
23:58I'm just feeling, like, really dizzy and kind of hot.
24:06All right, well, I think you need to rest now.
24:09I will take good care of you.
24:12Okay.
24:13Okay, let's go.
24:22Turn around.
24:24Sure, boss.
24:25Are we heading home, or?
24:26Let's go find Vivian.
24:28I have to tell her, there's something off with Alan.
24:43Okay, you drank way too much.
24:50Alan, it's...
24:51Yeah?
24:52It's hot.
24:53What did you do?
24:57Hmm?
25:01How can a virgin like you design sex toys?
25:09Maybe I should test them out, give you some feedback.
25:13Give that to me.
25:16Come here.
25:35Oh, I'm going to enjoy this.
25:41Come on.
25:42Open up.
25:45Vivian!
25:46Open up!
25:50What did you do to her?
25:51We were just talking, man.
25:52Get lost!
25:54Get out of here.
25:55I'll call the police.
25:57Okay.
26:04Vivian.
26:04Vivian.
26:05Wake up.
26:06Vivian.
26:07Vivian.
26:20My product is flawless, and you are always picking on me.
26:26Why?
26:27Good grief.
26:29You're still talking about your product at this hour?
26:31Do you even know what just happened?
26:34How do you know that it doesn't work if you never even tried it?
26:40Oh.
26:41It's seriously getting hot.
26:43You're the designer and a virgin.
26:45How do you know your product's user-friendly?
26:50You won't invest in me because you think I'm a virgin, and you don't believe in me, and you
26:59don't want me.
27:00You're absolutely right.
27:02Maybe I should give the product a shot.
27:07Really?
27:16I don't want to stop.
27:17It's getting hot.
27:19Don't stop.
27:20Just wait till you try my product.
27:24I don't want to stop.
27:26It's so hot.
27:28Don't stop.
27:29Just wait till you try my product.
27:47Oh, thank God.
27:48It was just the second floor.
27:50Oh, I don't want to see this.
27:54Oh, I don't want to hear this.
27:58No, no, no.
27:58Cover, cover.
27:59I'm sorry.
28:03As an investor, I like to try my products.
28:07We bring in.
28:08I don't want to try my products.
28:11Let's do it.
28:21I don't want to try my products till you try.
28:33I don't want to try my products.
28:45oh you bastard what the hell happened fuck i can't remember anything can you stop shouting
28:53my head is pounding shut up shut up it was my first time i didn't know i i really wanted
29:04my first time to be special hey for what it's worth it was special to me
29:16what alex with vivian how could this have happened since you were kids but i never
29:24expected oh please you've been trying to make this happen forever laying the condoms in the
29:29wine out and practically set a trap did you please give us some privacy
29:47plan b whatever happened to the conviction in your own product
29:52how are you so quiet we used your condom last night aren't you sure it worked
29:58yeah but we didn't use condoms during our first trial of the dancing egg
30:02oh on second thought go ahead and take it we don't want to risk having a kid with you
30:08anywhere what's that supposed to mean it means one of you is bad enough
30:21such an asshole babe meet in time
30:30why are all januels are so scatterbrained
30:39how's the chick on alan going well he's just a therapist nothing out of the ordinary just
30:45ordinary family ordinary life except for being incredibly good looking
30:50you think he's good looking hot even
30:54but not as hot as you of course you're hot you're crazy hot you're big hot massive hot
31:01can i please stop calling my boss hot right now just keep an eye on him
31:05i don't want to mess in with vivian yes boss a hot boss
31:25alan hey pretty cool are you free for dinner tonight
31:31maybe a late lunch how about angie's sounds good
31:39alan i have to ask um i remember you took me home last night
31:44yeah you drank way too much i remember covering you up with a blanket before i left you know
31:53how's it going with you oh i slept real good yeah nothing happened all right
31:59i mean are you still working on those adult projects it's surprising to me how's it going with that
32:05yeah i'm currently trying to find an investor
32:07oh i might know some top investors in the city they might be able to help you
32:12really i mean alan that that would be incredible you're you're a lifesaver
32:16well you know it's a little bit difficult to get the investors back those kind of products
32:22yeah i know i've tried it a million times i know how hard it is better than anyone
32:27i know some of the guys how about you pay a down payment deposit to me
32:32and i will get you into the investors convention next week downtown
32:36the funding is guaranteed sorry um deposit for an investor just a standard procedure
32:43you know just to show the investors that you're serious don't worry about it
32:50okay um well how much do i owe you now we're talking
33:04don't sign that don't sign that use your brain vivian when does an investee pay an investor up front
33:14alex this is a private meeting meeting i thought we were on a date come on he's a scam artist
33:24praying on naive people like you alex you are being ridiculous i have known alan for forever
33:29you've known me forever and i have a little experience when it comes to this sort of thing
33:34in case you forgot you might have marketing experience but i'm the junior c
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