00:00Sa isang relasyon, may mga panahon puno ng kilig at lambing, pero paano kung biglang nag-iba ang lahat?
00:07Kapag nagiging cold, lumalayo, at parang lumalawak na po ang distasha, sign na ba ito na nababawasan na ang feelings
00:15nyo sa isa't isa?
00:17Yan yung tinanong natin kanina.
00:19Totoo nga bang nawawala ang pagmahal o nagbabago lang ito habang tumatagal?
00:25Alamin natin yan kasama si Dr. Joan May Perez-Riverial, isang psychiatrist.
00:30Good morning, Dr. Joan.
00:32Yes, good morning, Sir Audrey and Mom Leslie at sa lahat ng nakikinig at nanonood ng Rise and Shine, Pilipinas.
00:38So, disa sa kalang natin kanina, totoo po ba na nawawala talaga yung pagmamahal kapag nag-iiba na yung anyo
00:45nito or habang tumatagal yung relasyon?
00:48Yes, studies have shown, Mom Leslie, yung question kanina kung totoo, yes, it may fade over time.
00:55Nawawala siya over time or tama naman yung isang option din kanina na maaaring nag-i-evolve.
01:02O nag-i-evolve siya, meaning kung initially may passion, very intense, di ba, ang emotions kasi bago pa, kinikilig,
01:10for example.
01:11Later on, sa katagalan, mas nagiging komportable na ang individuals sa relationship.
01:17Kaya parang wala ng excitement. So, maaaring nag-i-evolve siya through time.
01:21Nagkakaroon sila ng different interests, different hobbies, different values, for example.
01:27Kaya maaaring both of that. Lalo na kung halimbawang in a relationship, meron ng any form of abuse,
01:35syempre yun, it can be a factor.
01:37So, maraming factors, in fact, which can help or which can affect yung strength ng relationship.
01:45O, o. Syempre, pag may abuse, pag-uulit-uulit, extremes na rin yun.
01:50Pero ito feelings lang, o.
01:52Halimbawa, sa umpisa, lahat naman tayo nakaka-relate dito, o.
01:58Umaatikabong pagmamahalan.
01:59Alam mo yun, yung nagpupuyatang kayo sa telepono.
02:02Nagbe-baby talk, lambingan.
02:05Tapos, kapag lumipas na yung mga panahon,
02:10kaya nawawala na, nawawala na, nanlalamig na.
02:14Nawawala, yes.
02:15So, kapag nanlalabig ba, ibig sabihin,
02:17o nagbago na yung ating pagtrato sa isa't isa't isa,
02:21napaka-familiar na tayo sa ating partner.
02:24Ito ba, ibig sabihin, nababawasan yung pagmamahal?
02:26Hindi naman.
02:27Maaring nandyan pa din siya,
02:29but parang we get used to that feeling na nagiging comfortable na tayo sa stability.
02:34Kasi sometimes, kasi sa sobrang tagal na ng relationship,
02:38yung ones na naging intense and passionate,
02:41nagiging more stable na siya over time.
02:43Kasi mas kilala nyo na eh.
02:45You become more comfortable.
02:46Sometimes na, pumapasok na dito na,
02:49halimbawa, wala na tayo.
02:51Kung kaano yung nakasanayan,
02:52yun na yung ulit-ulit na ginagawa.
02:54Hindi na masyado,
02:54because we are comfortable in a relationship,
02:56yung isa maaaring nag-iba na.
02:59Hindi masyadong interested sa pag-aayos, for example.
03:03Ayaw!
03:04Yung isa naman is mas interested na sa kanyang ibang hobbies or passion.
03:09So, nawawala na yung connection nilang dalawa.
03:11Kasi nagda-diverge na,
03:14nag-iiba na ang kanilang mga interests.
03:17Kaya mahalagay yung meron silang common interest eh.
03:20Kailangan pa rin yan.
03:21Tama yung mga last week.
03:22Kailangan nag-date pa rin.
03:24So, pang-minsan,
03:26okay lang naman lamig sa isa't isa.
03:27Kapag magkaiba na yung interest.
03:29Sometimes kasi, Sir Audrey,
03:30kasama doon sa factors na which can affect the quality
03:33and strength ng relationship is also yung mga sources of stress
03:38ng isang relationship.
03:40So, maaaring nawala yung pag-prioritize natin to strengthen the relationship.
03:46Kasi maaaring may mga other factors like finances.
03:50O pag sa iba naman, mga bata, mga anak.
03:54So, instead of ang focus sa spouse or sa partner doon na sa mga children
03:58or work-related sources of stress.
04:01So, or health-related.
04:03Diba, pag may sakit tayo.
04:04Halimbawa, pag may mga iniinom na maintenance medications,
04:08it can also impact the relationship, yung strength ng relationship.
04:11Kaya, kailangan tingnan natin,
04:14in what we do kasi sa clinic,
04:16tinitingnan namin yung mga root causes.
04:18Kung ano kaya ang maaaring...
04:19Pinapakwento talaga.
04:20Yes.
04:21Kung ano kaya yung mga factors na maaaring nagkukos
04:23ng conflict or ng struggle doon sa relationship.
04:28May mga sometimes unresolved conflicts.
04:31Yun bang, hindi na natin naisasabi sa ating partner.
04:34May iwas away.
04:35Nabupang taladop.
04:36Yes.
04:36Tapos hindi na pinag-usapan.
04:38Tapos paulit-ulit na na mabalik.
04:40Yes.
04:40Kaya always ang payo nga namin,
04:42open lines of communication.
04:44Sana ay mapag-uusapan.
04:46Para mag-meet halfway.
04:47Yes.
04:48So, meet halfway.
04:49O para mas maintindihan natin
04:50kung paano natin ma-re-resolve
04:53yung ating mga conflicts.
04:55Kasi ang relationship naman,
04:56ano dapat talaga?
04:57Ano tawag niya ito?
04:58Give and take.
04:59Ah, yun.
04:59Give and take.
05:01There's mutual respect also.
05:03Kaya na kailangan yun.
05:04So, for example,
05:05we respect each other's time.
05:08Siyempre, kung kinakailangan,
05:09may boundary din tayo ha.
05:11Kasi dapat hindi rin mawala
05:12na yung that, ano natin,
05:14may interests tayong on our own
05:16or friends.
05:18Meron din tayong together.
05:19So, dapat ganoon,
05:20we respect each other's boundary also.
05:22Para may individuality pa rin.
05:23Yes.
05:24Maintain pa rin natin yung dalawa.
05:26Correct.
05:26So, ito,
05:27usap-usapan nito, lady,
05:28kahit pati sa social media,
05:30yung kapag biglang
05:31nag-iba na yung goals
05:32niyong dalawa.
05:33Ayun.
05:34Correct.
05:34Ito possible to, eh, di ba?
05:35Possible.
05:36Habang tumatagal yung panahon,
05:38biglang,
05:38ay, gusto ko na palang mag-abroad.
05:40Yes.
05:40O kaya yung isa naman,
05:42gusto na pala,
05:43ito na pala yung tatahaki na.
05:45Yes.
05:45Tapos, hindi na kayo match,
05:46hindi na kayo same page.
05:48Ang tawag doon, Ma'am Leslie,
05:49parang nag-iiba na rin, no?
05:50Ayun yung long-term goals
05:52and plans for the relationship.
05:54Kasi in a relationship, di ba,
05:56meron tayo mga short-term goals,
05:58intermediate and long-term goals.
06:00Ano ba ang future natin together?
06:02Anong na-envision natin,
06:04for example,
06:04for our family,
06:05for our kids,
06:06ang values also,
06:07very important na pareho kayo.
06:09So sometimes,
06:10along the way,
06:11nagkakaiba din.
06:12Because sometimes,
06:14may mga, again,
06:14yung mga underlying
06:16sources of stress and factors.
06:18Conflicts can also happen.
06:20Unless,
06:21handang mag-sacrifice yung isa
06:23doon sa adjustment na yun.
06:25Pwede.
06:25Yeah.
06:26Tama yun, Sir Audrey.
06:27Ang relationship, in fact,
06:28it takes active talaga, eh.
06:30Active siya na
06:32quote-unquote work
06:33for it to
06:34talagang, ano,
06:35make it work.
06:36Compromise talaga.
06:37Compromise, o.
06:38At kailangan communication
06:39na no judgments.
06:41Kailangan yung communication
06:42na hindi tayo
06:43nag-aaway,
06:44hindi nagsisigawan.
06:45Kasi inusap lang talaga
06:46para magkaintindihan
06:48ang bawat isa.
06:49Correct.
06:50Sinayari, ano ganito?
06:51O, sige.
06:52Ikaw gigil na gigil na ako sa'yo.
06:54Grab up na ka.
06:54Okay naman ako?
06:55Hindi.
06:55Kailangan mong papalipas ka muna
06:57ng gigil mo
06:57bago ka makipag-uusap.
06:59Yeah, pwede naman yun.
07:00Correct, correct.
07:01Dapat, ano muna,
07:02yung mga intense emotions
07:04dapat medyo, ano, natin,
07:05pakalmahin.
07:06Yes.
07:06Kung kinakailangan to step away
07:08from the room
07:09or from the situation,
07:11step away muna tayo
07:12para mas magiging kalmado tayo
07:14pag nag-uusap na.
07:15Okay.
07:15Ano po yung mga early signs
07:17na humihina na
07:18yung emotional connections?
07:21Yes.
07:22Number one dito
07:23is mapapansin natin na
07:24may transition
07:26na may pagbabago.
07:27For example,
07:28wala na masyadong
07:29communication
07:30para bang we shot
07:31na nag-uusap.
07:32Wala na ng messages.
07:33Yes.
07:34Hindi na nag-check-check.
07:35Yes.
07:36Or maaaring also na
07:37wala na
07:38time
07:39for each other.
07:40So, aside from
07:41communication,
07:42the time,
07:43the mga actions,
07:44kung dati
07:45medyo
07:46may mga intimate moments,
07:48be it emotional,
07:49physical,
07:49medyo nababawasan.
07:50And of course,
07:52yung mga verbal,
07:53yung mga
07:53kung dati
07:54mas ano tayo,
07:55mas expressive,
07:56bigla tayong mas cold,
07:58mas hindi tayo yan,
07:59hindi tayo nakikipag-interact.
08:02Hindi na ba mabebe?
08:03Karami siya.
08:04Hindi ka na naman
08:04let's be honest,
08:06hindi ka pa
08:06kapag comfortable ka
08:07at umaatikabong
08:08yung pagmamahalan ninyo,
08:10it's natural
08:10na nagiging pabebe ka
08:11doon sa partner mo.
08:13Pero,
08:14pagbiglang nawala yun.
08:15Pagbiglang nawala yun,
08:16tapos napaka formal
08:16yun na mag-usap.
08:17Tapos naging cold ka na.
08:19Tapos yung mga emoji
08:20nag-iiba na.
08:21Yes.
08:22From nagka-kiss
08:23to smiling face na lang.
08:25O yan,
08:26bali tayo siya bulaklak o.
08:28Or yung words itself,
08:30di ba?
08:30Very powerful yung words.
08:32They kukonvey mo
08:32yung emotions mo na
08:33I love you.
08:34Or kamusta ka na,
08:36nangangamusta ka
08:36kung kumain ka na ba?
08:37How's your day?
08:38Biglang iba na, no?
08:40Because maybe nga,
08:41preoccupied with other things.
08:42Baka nag-iinit sa iba.
08:44Ay, naku,
08:45yan ang katakad.
08:46Hindi naman.
08:46Hindi naman.
08:46Okay, okay.
08:47Ayan na.
08:49Dok,
08:49panghuli na lamang po.
08:51Kung sakali man na
08:52magkaroon ng mga ganitong
08:53pagkakataon,
08:54may chance pa ba na
08:55maibalik?
08:56Yes.
08:57Of course,
08:58of course naman.
08:59Again,
09:00it takes that effort talaga.
09:02Kailangan active yung effort.
09:04We put work,
09:06di ba,
09:06in our relationship.
09:08So,
09:08kailangan,
09:09start natin,
09:10with communication.
09:12Very important talaga
09:13yung nag-uusap eh.
09:14Kasi,
09:14hindi tayo mind readers,
09:16di ba?
09:16Nababasahin natin yung
09:17iniisip ng ating partner,
09:19ng spouse.
09:19hindi.
09:20Open lines of communication.
09:21Spend time together.
09:23Kung kinakailangan mag-date,
09:25yan ang always pilapayan namin
09:27pagkabilag to therapy,
09:28na maaring dati,
09:30date ng date,
09:31tapos biglang nawalaan na.
09:32Kasi may mga other things
09:33na nakaka-preoccupy na sa kanila.
09:35Spend time together.
09:36Kung kinakailangan mag-bakasyon,
09:37silang dalawa lang iiwan
09:38yung kanilang mga anak
09:40with other members
09:41or relatives.
09:42And of course,
09:43ensure natin yung mutual respect.
09:45Mutual respect
09:47and foster natin yung trust.
09:49Para walang pagdududa.
09:50Walang pag-aaway.
09:51Ayan.
09:52Sana sa usapang ito,
09:53marami tayong na-save na relationship
09:54na nasa break na ng pag-ihiwalay.
09:56At sana makikinig.
09:59And bigyan nyo ng chance
10:00yung inyong mga sarili.
10:02Yes.
10:02Very important.
10:03Mutual respect talaga.
10:05Alright.
10:06Maraming salamat,
10:07Doc, Joe, and May.
10:08Sa pag-ubahagi sa amin ng kaalaman.
10:10Maraming salamat.
10:10Thank you, sir.
10:11Thank you, ma'am.
10:11Leslie, et sa lahat.
10:12Good morning to everyone.
10:13Thank you, po.
10:14Thank you, po.
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