- il y a 2 jours
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00:00:30Hello? Mom, I thought you got my number.
00:00:34I'm in a phone booth in the middle of nowhere.
00:00:36What do you mean you want me to move back in?
00:00:37Ma, look, I gotta tell you what happened to me last night.
00:00:40Mom, listen to me. I'm not gonna move back in the house.
00:00:43I'm 32 years old. I need my privacy, you know what I mean?
00:00:46Ma, listen to me. What do you gotta get insulted?
00:00:49Ma? Ma?
00:00:54Hey, how you doing? My name's Ed Malloy.
00:00:57I'm known as the Brain Smasher.
00:00:58You'll know why in a few minutes.
00:01:00But you know what gets me? Nobody listens anymore.
00:01:02Nobody's got any sensitivity.
00:01:04But you'll listen. You're not going nowhere.
00:01:05And let me tell you, I got an unbelievable story, you hear?
00:01:20The moves are right
00:01:22And I was told
00:01:23That you'd be coming in
00:01:25My life was lame
00:01:28Kinda low
00:01:29I was looking to get done in
00:01:32Now ain't it nice
00:01:34When there's no more pieces to fit in
00:01:38Well, baby, I'm with you
00:01:40And you were gone
00:01:42No one was all to win
00:01:46Here's the setup
00:01:48It started of all places in London, England
00:01:51There was this chick
00:01:53Absolutely fantastic
00:01:57Sam, give me a second
00:02:01Take an hour
00:02:02Her name is Samantha
00:02:04And she's one of those supermodels
00:02:05You know the type
00:02:06With the big money
00:02:07Famous thing happening
00:02:15A book?
00:02:17Amazing, isn't it?
00:02:18I can actually read and
00:02:19Wear a bathing suit at the same time
00:02:22Sometimes I even do math
00:02:23Sorry
00:02:30A beauty who reads
00:02:33Now there is a combo
00:02:35That I can marry
00:02:41As you can see
00:02:43Samantha wasn't the happiest chick in the world
00:02:46When it came to her relationships
00:02:47But hey, she hadn't met me yet
00:02:49You hear?
00:02:52What do you think you did this time?
00:02:54Sam, wait
00:02:56This is for you
00:02:57I know the present I want
00:02:58It's not from me
00:02:59It's from your sister
00:03:02What'd you do?
00:03:03Shlep it all the way from Paris?
00:03:05Yeah, big mistake
00:03:06I'll say
00:03:07You should have brought your heart instead
00:03:09Then you would have had to find it first
00:03:11And
00:03:12Who else do you know
00:03:13That's going to give you a $10,000 Rolex, hmm?
00:03:17A Rolex is not love
00:03:20I'll mail it to you
00:03:23Keep it
00:03:25You know you're going to regret this someday, Sam
00:03:28You're not going to look good in a bathing suit forever
00:03:34So Sam gets this package from her sister
00:03:37And that's what really sets the whole thing off
00:03:39Because the sister tells Sam
00:03:41To bring this package to Portland, Oregon
00:03:44Where she'll meet her
00:04:04Now this is Portland, Oregon
00:04:06I live here
00:04:07This is where the rest of the story happens
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00:49:16C'est parti pour le cerveau de la corneille.
00:49:21Si vous n'êtes pas pour mes vows d'abstinence,
00:49:25je vous donnerais vraiment bon temps.
00:49:34C'est parti.
00:49:43Vous pourrez juste rester ici?
00:49:45C'est parti.
00:49:49Vous allez bien?
00:49:56Voilà.
00:49:57C'est parti.
00:49:57C'est parti.
00:49:58C'est parti.
00:50:00C'est parti.
00:50:00Voi.
00:50:00J'ai vu là-bas.
00:50:03Là-bas.
00:50:03C'est parti ?
00:50:05Il est au bien ?
00:50:07C'est parti ?
00:50:09Tu as nulla ?
00:50:11Je t'ai un peu l'aise.
00:50:13Tu vois-tu un mauvais coup ?
00:50:15T'aggraver-le.
00:50:18Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:50:48Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:22Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:35Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:39Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:40Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:53Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:56Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:51:57Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:52:27Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:52:38Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:53:08Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:53:11Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:53:53Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:54:38Sous-titrage Société Radio
00:54:44Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:54:47Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:54:50Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:54:51Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:55:00Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:55:02Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:55:10Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:55:14Do you know where that is?
00:55:15Mm-hmm.
00:55:16OK.
00:55:16Well, send the car there.
00:55:18I'll wait inside.
00:55:20About a half an hour.
00:55:21Thank you so much.
00:55:23You're welcome.
00:55:27I did everything you told me.
00:55:32Thank you.
00:55:34Oh!
00:55:35Oh, my nose!
00:55:38Was that really necessary?
00:55:40Oh, I think it's broken.
00:55:59Hide alone, baby, so let me relax for a while.
00:56:06I'm sure you must begin to die
00:56:09And look at the same old smile.
00:56:18Now that you've been working hard to,
00:56:21And I keep saying I'll make you do.
00:56:25Sweetheart, if you're looking for work, you hear?
00:56:28You just got the job.
00:56:30Thanks, but I just quit.
00:56:46Get you something, honey?
00:56:47Uh, Perrier, please.
00:56:49Sorry, honey.
00:56:49This ain't France.
00:56:51Oh, well, then, uh, I'll just have water.
00:56:53Be fine.
00:56:54Are you sure you don't want something else?
00:56:55I gotta charge you a minimum.
00:56:57Water's fine.
00:56:58Thanks.
00:57:08Relax, baby.
00:57:10It's just me, Romeo.
00:57:11You ain't the first woman to get excited by my touch.
00:57:14Oh, get lost, creep.
00:57:15I'm waiting for somebody.
00:57:17I bet you think I'm looking to lay the groundwork here, right?
00:57:20Wrong.
00:57:21It's my name.
00:57:22It's a curse, you hear?
00:57:23Chicks think I'm incense cereal.
00:57:27Relax, angel face.
00:57:29We got all night to fall in love, you hear?
00:57:32There's no meter running.
00:57:35One.
00:57:37Two.
00:57:39Nice job, cooler.
00:57:42Who's your new friend?
00:57:44Ned.
00:57:45What happened to you?
00:57:47I fell down.
00:57:49Your face is a mess.
00:57:50You should be more careful.
00:57:51Yeah, well, uh, just came by to give you this, you know?
00:57:55I didn't finish the job, you know, and I figure if you get together with your boyfriend, uh,
00:57:59you might wonder what happened to this $10,000 watch.
00:58:06We're getting kind of close, aren't we, Ed?
00:58:09You think?
00:58:11So do you have a girlfriend?
00:58:15You kidding me?
00:58:16The girls I like don't like me, and the ones that do like me, I don't.
00:58:22And what category do I fit into?
00:58:26Neither.
00:58:27I'm not your type.
00:58:29You know what I'd do?
00:58:30I'd buy you a Timex and make you a bite of batteries.
00:58:33What can I get you?
00:58:34Uh, just water.
00:58:36Gotta charge your minimum.
00:58:37What you gotta do?
00:58:40So what's going on here?
00:58:42Oh, I'm, um, waiting for a car to come take me to my sister.
00:58:46What happened to St. Luke's?
00:58:48Cammie left a message on my machine.
00:58:50She checked into a hotel, and the hotel's sending a car.
00:58:53Here?
00:58:54Yeah.
00:58:57Isn't that funny?
00:58:58All of a sudden she changed her plans?
00:59:00I don't like it.
00:59:02I mean, if, uh, something would've happened in this journey,
00:59:06there's no bounce around.
00:59:10You're a straight-up guy, aren't you, Ed?
00:59:15What'd you say to me?
00:59:17I said you were a straight-up guy.
00:59:21Hey, don't tease me.
00:59:24I wouldn't.
00:59:27Good.
00:59:28Let's get out of here.
00:59:30Keep this.
00:59:32No matter when, I'll find myself in the way.
00:59:37Hey.
00:59:38What'd you do to Jimmy?
00:59:40That's Jimmy.
00:59:43I knew his name wasn't Romeo.
00:59:46Yeah, I know.
00:59:47Oh, my God.
00:59:54What's going on, guys?
00:59:57Give yourself up, Miss Crane.
01:00:00I have no desire to hurt you or your friend.
01:00:05Why don't you kiss my ass, Wu?
01:00:07I'd love to.
01:00:09Sam, don't antagonize these guys, huh?
01:00:13Listen to your friend's advice, Miss Crane.
01:00:16There's still a chance I will let you live after this.
01:00:19I admit it's a small chance, but it could happen.
01:00:24Ha!
01:00:25Don't make me laugh.
01:00:27You're not gonna let us go.
01:00:29Possession of the Red Lotus will make me the most powerful man on Earth.
01:00:32Once I have the flower, you can go to your police with my blessing.
01:00:37They will not be able to touch me.
01:00:39No one will be able to touch me.
01:00:41I thought you wanted your flower for your religion.
01:00:45I do not want to be a kung fu thug forever.
01:00:47I, too, have ambitions.
01:00:49Well, let me tell you something, half-wit.
01:00:53You're never gonna get your flower.
01:00:55And how do you intend to stop me, Miss Crane?
01:00:59Fling your bikini at me?
01:01:01Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:01:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:01:08Do you know who this is?
01:01:10Some innocent fool you seduced into helping you.
01:01:13This is the brain smasher.
01:01:17He hates kung fu.
01:01:19In fact, he thinks it's for wimps.
01:01:22Oh, what are you talking?
01:01:24I was just telling you.
01:01:25I love that stuff.
01:01:26Uh, Chuck Norris.
01:01:27I got all the movies, you know.
01:01:29The blonde guy.
01:01:31Let's kick some ninja butt.
01:01:35We're dead.
01:01:37For the last time.
01:01:39We are not ninjas!
01:01:41Miss Crane!
01:01:43We're lost boys, Mr Shailov.
01:01:54Love it.
01:01:57Rest毛ulla.
01:01:58What are we trying to do with?
01:02:05The police Convenience!
01:02:36Take your seats out front, fellas. We'll give you something to write home about.
01:02:41Uh-uh-uh, peaking's not allowed.
01:02:45Take your seats out front. You'll see her titties soon enough.
01:03:01Later?
01:03:10Those little guys are kinda cute.
01:03:20Thanks a lot.
01:03:21Don't thank me. Pay me.
01:03:24Well, I don't have the $50 on me right now,
01:03:28but this guy that I'm with,
01:03:30he has this watch. It's worth $10,000.
01:03:32I'll just go get him.
01:03:33You expect me to believe some sucker spent $10,000 on a watch?
01:03:39Listen, princess, I don't work for free.
01:03:42You turn over the cash or I'll turn you over to the ninjas.
01:03:52Sorry.
01:03:52I'm sorry.
01:03:56You're talking to me.
01:03:58In China, we won't take a break.
01:04:06How did my goddamn work, honey? I got a show to do.
01:04:20Miss Crane.
01:04:23If you have any concern for your friend's life,
01:04:26do not take another step.
01:04:34I do not want to hurt you or this man.
01:04:37I simply want what is rightfully mine.
01:04:39What we have been hunting for 2,250 years.
01:04:44Sam, run!
01:04:47Go to your sister. I'll take care of this.
01:04:50Ed!
01:05:17Come on!
01:05:18Come on, Dad.
01:05:18Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
01:05:27Elle est en amour avec vous, n'est-ce qu'elle ?
01:05:28Je pense que ?
01:05:30Je suis très heureux pour vous, brain smasher.
01:05:34Merci.
01:05:35Je voudrais voir un homme mourir avec un sourire sur son face.
01:05:38Nous avons eu perdu.
01:05:41Ta-mada.
01:05:44Peut-être que vous n'avez pas encore la cause de la Red Lotus.
01:05:47C'est parti.
01:05:48C'est parti.
01:05:49C'est parti, hein ?
01:05:50Je vais juste reshuffle votre face.
01:05:52Et puis, je vous donne la belle Miss Crane une chance de prouverte.
01:06:01Excuse-moi, Will.
01:06:43Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
01:06:54C'est parti.
01:07:30Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
01:07:32C'est parti !
01:07:45Hey, Romeo...
01:08:15Sous-titrage MFP.
01:08:43Sous-titrage MFP.
01:09:08Sous-titrage MFP.
01:09:38Sous-titrage MFP.
01:09:42Ed. Ed's in trouble.
01:09:44Ed?
01:09:48The botanist has got my number, Ed.
01:09:51All she needs to do is give me a call.
01:09:54If she really loves you,
01:09:56she'll convince her sister to trade the red lotus
01:09:59for your life.
01:10:04Hello? Who's there?
01:10:05I want to talk to my son, Ed.
01:10:07It's your mother.
01:10:08Hello? Hello?
01:10:09What, Ma?
01:10:10What time are you coming home?
01:10:11I don't know what time I'll be home.
01:10:13Hang up on him.
01:10:14I won't trade the flower for Ed, period.
01:10:19Well, we can't just let Ed die.
01:10:21He saved my life.
01:10:24You love him.
01:10:26Maybe.
01:10:28You must.
01:10:29I haven't seen you smoke since you were in high school.
01:10:34It's too bad.
01:10:36Because in the larger scheme of things,
01:10:38it's more important that Wu never get the lotus.
01:10:41Look, I don't care about all that ultimate power crap.
01:10:45I just care about Ed.
01:10:48Oh, since when have you cared about anything
01:10:49other than your tan lines?
01:10:51Talk about selfish.
01:10:54You make me leave work,
01:10:56smuggle something into the country,
01:10:58you practically get me killed,
01:10:59and all without a thank you.
01:11:01But I expect that from you because you're my sister.
01:11:05Ed is an innocent bystander.
01:11:09Oh, I can't believe I finally care about someone
01:11:12and he's gonna die before I get a chance
01:11:14to sleep with him.
01:11:18Perhaps I should change my name to Fingerbreaker Wu.
01:11:23What do you think?
01:11:24Too many syllables.
01:11:29Legend says that the man who takes the petals
01:11:31of the red lotus into his body
01:11:33becomes gifted with unimaginable powers.
01:11:37His mind becomes a physical weapon with no limits.
01:11:42Anything he can imagine,
01:11:43he can make happen.
01:11:45If he pictures you dead,
01:11:47you die.
01:11:48If he sees a burning plane,
01:11:51your flight bursts into flames.
01:11:54If he pictures the whole world
01:11:57worshiping him as a god,
01:11:59it will.
01:12:02You don't really believe that, do you?
01:12:05Well, I didn't.
01:12:08But then I found the lotus growing out of snow 20 feet deep,
01:12:11500 miles from the nearest arable soil.
01:12:15Just exactly as the legend said it would be.
01:12:19So you tell me, Samantha,
01:12:22is Ed's life, anyone's life,
01:12:25worth more than keeping this out of Wu's hands?
01:12:34You know, brain smasher,
01:12:35you and I may have been wrong about Miss Crane.
01:12:38It wouldn't be the first time a beautiful woman used a man
01:12:41and deserted him at his greatest hour of need.
01:12:44What's your problem, Wu, huh?
01:12:45What is it, your name, Wu?
01:12:47That's what I whistled to a girl down the street.
01:12:49Hey, Wu!
01:12:50Ah!
01:12:51What kind of torture is this, anyway?
01:12:57It's my mother telling her I'm on the way.
01:13:02Hello.
01:13:06Why Miss Crane?
01:13:07What a pleasant surprise.
01:13:09What a pleasant surprise.
01:13:27Wait, dude.
01:13:52Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
01:14:11The Crane Sisters, we are doomed!
01:14:17How you doing, Ed?
01:14:20I'll tell you, Sam, I don't remember the last time I had so much fun.
01:14:26Like we agreed over the phone, a straight trade.
01:14:30Ed, for the Red Lotus.
01:14:32I still find it very difficult to believe that you would trade ultimate power for an Ed.
01:14:40I hear Ed's got his strong points.
01:14:45You see that, Wu? I told you a chick digs me.
01:14:48I got charm, class, charisma.
01:14:52You know, I got a mirror above my bed, so I'm the first one I see when I get up
01:14:55in the morning, eh?
01:14:56Oh, boy.
01:14:58But, uh, unfortunately, Wu's right.
01:15:04I'm not worth it.
01:15:06You know it. I know it.
01:15:09But my sister doesn't.
01:15:11The Red Lotus, now!
01:15:21Gently!
01:15:23And no tricks!
01:15:26No tricks.
01:15:41Just thought you'd want to inspect the prize.
01:15:45Happy now, Wu?
01:15:47You got your flower?
01:15:49What a bunch of crap.
01:15:51Ultimate power.
01:15:55Very happy.
01:15:58Ed!
01:15:59Sam!
01:16:01Brains smash you.
01:16:13Step back, Ms. Crane.
01:16:20Oh!
01:16:28Oh!
01:16:28Oh!
01:16:46You're going to have his babies, right?
01:16:47We just met.
01:16:48I thought you said you loved him.
01:16:50Oh, I'm not going to talk about it right here, right now.
01:16:51Well, I'm not giving up the ultimate power unless you say you do.
01:16:54Just say it.
01:16:55You love Ed.
01:16:57Say it, or Ed.
01:16:58Okay, I love Ed.
01:17:00I love Ed, and I want to be Mrs. Ed, uh, uh...
01:17:04Malloy!
01:17:06Malloy, right!
01:17:08I have you outnumbered four to one.
01:17:10Now set the flower down.
01:17:17I'd say we're just about equal.
01:17:21You used a gun!
01:17:23That's right.
01:17:24This isn't a kung fu movie.
01:17:26Now you really said, or I'll blow your ninja butts to hell.
01:17:30We are not ninjas!
01:17:33If I say you're ninjas, then you're ninjas!
01:17:36Hey, Wu!
01:17:40Catch!
01:17:42No!
01:17:51Sam's a gun!
01:17:51I've seen that.
01:17:54Okay!
01:17:54брr!
01:17:58Go!
01:18:12Uh!
01:18:14Text!
01:18:14Micro vraag!
01:18:16Hey!
01:18:17Ah!
01:18:19Ah!
01:18:19Ha!
01:18:20Ah!
01:18:21Ah!
01:18:21Ah!
01:18:30C'est parti !
01:18:51C'est parti !
01:19:06C'est parti !
01:19:20We are not !
01:19:23If my sister says you're a ninja, you're a goddamn ninja !
01:19:40C'est parti !
01:19:46C'est parti !
01:20:00What made you think you could ever do this, Ed ? You are a loser !
01:20:13Hey ! Ninja !
01:20:15After this kick, Miss Crane, you will need to earn your living as a hand model !
01:20:21Hey, Wu !
01:20:24End the story, baby !
01:20:44Brain smasher !
01:21:03You're gonna be part of the family ?
01:21:13Stop him !
01:21:18I will destroy all of you !
01:21:29How are you feeling, Wu ?
01:21:36Where is the power ?
01:21:38I'm a scientist, Wu ! I don't believe in myths and magic !
01:21:43Two thousand, two hundred and fifty years !
01:21:49Two thousand, two hundred and fifty years !
01:21:58Hey, honey !
01:22:02I get my face bashed in for a bunch of bow ?
01:22:06Says who ?
01:22:08Says Madame Butterfly over here !
01:22:10That's who says !
01:22:12I slipped Wu a poisonous stand-in from the garden at St. Luke's !
01:22:17You gambled all our lives on a fake flower ?
01:22:21It was a calculated risk !
01:22:24Very clever !
01:22:27I'll tell you what, why don't we split a petal ?
01:22:29Nobody's eating this, not even the rats at the labs !
01:22:33I'm gonna win a decade's worth of fully funded research for selling this to a museum !
01:22:38I'm off to Burma !
01:22:39Oh, what do I tell Mom and Dad about Christmas ?
01:22:43Tell them it's on the 25th of December !
01:22:47You and Ed did good back there ?
01:22:49Yeah, for a model and a bouncer !
01:22:53It's tough being a cliché !
01:22:55Jaijian !
01:23:12You okay ?
01:23:14Yeah, I'm all right !
01:23:15I won't be doing any bouncing for a while, but...
01:23:18I'm sorry about your head, Jaijian !
01:23:22You got nice hands, you know that ?
01:23:24No, just hands !
01:23:26You know, I dated chicks with like fat hands, chunky fingers !
01:23:31I once dated a chick with webbed fingers, you know ?
01:23:33No, I mean it, you really got nice hands !
01:23:37You got nice everything !
01:23:39Especially your eyes !
01:23:41You know why ?
01:23:49Look into your eyes, I see someone I could really care for !
01:23:59Yeah, what was I thinking, right ?
01:24:00You need me, famous model, could have any guy !
01:24:04You got guys giving you $10,000 watches like they're nothing !
01:24:09Yeah !
01:24:10Me !
01:24:11Ed Malloy, bouncer, brain smasher, right ?
01:24:14I mean...
01:24:15You are as stupid as you look !
01:24:17Is that what you think, that I want watches ?
01:24:22Nobody ever said the things you say to me !
01:24:27I really like you !
01:24:30Like ?
01:24:31You said before you loved me !
01:24:34I didn't say anything to save the world !
01:24:38Oh yeah ?
01:24:42Say it against you !
01:24:45I love you !
01:24:49I love you !
01:24:50You are the one !
01:24:54You are the one !
01:24:59Anything you want but to will !
01:25:04You drive me crazy !
01:25:10Under that earth touch !
01:25:14Their lives are not tangled !
01:25:21Prisoner, laid low by love !
01:25:25Satisfied my hunger !
01:25:29Satisfied my hunger !
01:25:35Baby !
01:25:36Baby !
01:25:36You are the one !
01:25:38That I come home to !
01:25:44Nobody else feels so good to me as you !
01:25:49Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
01:25:54-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
01:26:08-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
01:26:09-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
01:26:09-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
01:26:09-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
01:27:58...
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