- il y a 8 minutes
Coronation Street 24th February 2026
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TVTranscription
00:00Sous-titrage MFP.
00:33All right, Webster.
00:36And finally, dogs.
00:38I just wish they'd bring bat wings back in fashion again.
00:43The quirky canine compadres are not our amigos, Lily.
00:48If you see one, jump up behind a letterbox, withdraw.
00:52Now, I've printed off a few bullet points,
00:56re-health and safety, for the paper round.
00:58Ta.
01:00Right. How do I look?
01:03Well, we not lose you in a pea super.
01:06Now, you've got your papers?
01:08Er, yes.
01:10Once more, unto the breach, dear friends, once more.
01:13Good luck, Lily.
01:15May the delivery gods be with thee.
01:18Thanks.
01:19See you later.
01:20Ooh, what a lovely jerkin.
01:23Is Lily your new paper girl?
01:25Hey, how on earth did you guess?
01:27Oh, I do have somewhat of a sixth sense when it comes to these things.
01:31Ooh, what's that, Bri-Bri?
01:33Oh, it's a very rare edition of The Woman in White.
02:09Tights.
02:10Now, Rita, before Brian bores us to death with any further literary pretensions, I wondered
02:15whether or not you cared to join me for a snifter or two later in the bistro.
02:19Brian, is my programme on tonight?
02:21No, it's tomorrow.
02:22Oh, well, that's very nice, don't you?
02:25But I can't believe you've never heard of The Woman in White, Mary.
02:29Yeah, and I can't believe you've never heard of The Woman in White Tights.
02:32Ciao, Reet.
02:33I'll film up a time later via text.
02:35I must dash.
02:36I need to bleach my splash bags.
02:41That's all gone through.
02:43Right.
02:43So, come on, then.
02:44How is she?
02:46Well, if I'm missing her, I don't know how you must be feeling.
02:49Well, um, she seems OK.
02:51She's holding up OK.
02:52Despite everything, you know?
02:54Bless her.
02:55Will you give her my love next time you talk to her?
02:57Yeah, of course.
02:58Me and Kev are going to go and see her later.
03:01Hey, Bernie, listen.
03:02Has, um, Debbie ever...
03:04Has she ever said anything to you about...
03:07About what?
03:07Carl.
03:09Carl?
03:09In what way?
03:11Well, nothing out of the ordinary, you know, except that she's always been really fond of him.
03:16Oh, hello.
03:17Speak of the Devil.
03:19Are you taking my name in vain?
03:21Oh, here he is, the Walter Mitty of Weatherfield.
03:25Never heard of him, mate.
03:26I'm not your mate.
03:27And I'll wipe that smirk off your face in a minute.
03:31Actually, thinking about it is, as you're married to my mum, I might start calling you...
03:36Don't even think about it.
03:38You know I'll get the truth from Debbie, and when I do, I'll have you.
03:42Bang.
03:43To rights.
03:49It's not right.
03:50I can't believe that he's done, mate.
03:55He was the one, you know.
03:57He's so lovely, Debbie.
04:01What did you say it was inside for again?
04:04A great burglary with menaces.
04:07But he didn't mean to chop that guy's fingers off.
04:11His hand just slipped.
04:13And he says you can get really good plastic hands these days.
04:16He told me.
04:18Right.
04:19Well, it sounds lovely.
04:22Man after me own heart.
04:24Are you being sarky?
04:26Of course I am.
04:27You'd have dug.
04:28What?
04:29It sounds absolutely atrocious, Paul.
04:32And do you know what?
04:33You are better off without him.
04:37Why me?
04:38What's going on here, then?
04:40I'm just consoling mouth almighty of you.
04:44Eh?
04:44Well, you're a bit, aren't you?
04:46You know, gob on a stick.
04:48You!
04:49Oh, a cheeky bitch!
04:50Do you know what?
04:52I am sick at sound of you now.
04:54I'm sight of you.
04:55And ask for a smell.
04:56You need to invest in a bit of roll on deodorant, you.
04:58You stink!
04:59Ah!
05:00Oi!
05:00Leave her alone, you...
05:02Look, there's no point battering her and getting a longer sentence.
05:04She insulted me!
05:06I insulted your ex!
05:08Are you a dick or something?
05:09Paula, go somewhere else and chill your boots.
05:12It's not worth a longer stretch.
05:14Trust me.
05:23Oh, I'm sorry.
05:26My words seem to be coming out before my mind kicks in.
05:30But thank you.
05:32Look, you've got to be careful around women like that.
05:35They're not your mates.
05:36No.
05:38I don't know whether it's because I'm in here and my routine's gone all skewed with, but I do think
05:45I'm getting a lot worse.
05:48Right.
05:52I'm not going to last five minutes, am I?
05:55If I...
05:56If I keep letting me mouth run away with itself.
06:03There we go.
06:04I think I've got a coleslaw coming.
06:06No, you didn't order coleslaw, love.
06:08It means coleslaw.
06:09Whatever you do, don't touch it.
06:10You think you've got problems?
06:12I've still not figured out how I'm going to get my Duke of Edinburgh badge.
06:14Oh, it's easy as that.
06:16How's it easy?
06:17Well, you just volunteer for a community group or...
06:20Or help an old lady with a shopping.
06:23Oh, do you need any shopping doing Burnley?
06:25Mm-hmm.
06:25Do you want to wear that omelette?
06:27Oh, it's cute.
06:27Oh, you don't think you're old.
06:30You're still here?
06:31You're low on loo roll.
06:33I can wait.
06:34It's just I need a full replenishment, otherwise I get, um, performance anxiety.
06:42Oh, she's a firecracker, isn't she?
06:45I bet she's a screen to live with.
06:46Oh, she don't live with us.
06:48Listen, I want to have a little wind-up laugh kind of thing with her.
06:51Tell me a secret about her.
06:53Oh, the Verlin Kaywoods gave her a piggyback in the press club.
06:57Did it?
06:57That's amazing.
06:58Wasn't that Peter Kay?
06:59If she were an animal, what kind would she be?
07:01Quick, before she comes back.
07:03Thank you.
07:14What are you doing?
07:16I'm sorry.
07:17Leanne left me a spare key.
07:18I was looking for somewhere quiet to revise.
07:20Right.
07:21Okay.
07:22Sorry.
07:23Wow.
07:23I mean, bit of a shock to come out the bathroom and find a lurker.
07:26You could have been anyone.
07:28Yeah, I'm so sorry.
07:29You could have let me know somehow.
07:31Sorry.
07:36Although, that being said, I do think it's a good idea to get cram in.
07:40Handing your coursework in late that one time.
07:43Slippery slop.
07:44Well, yeah, but...
07:45I mean, make habit of it.
07:47No red bricks can look twice at you.
07:49Right.
07:53I have to go out now, so...
07:56Well, is it all right if I work here, then?
07:57If you let me know what time you're going to be back,
07:59I'll make sure I'm way gone by, then.
08:03Hmm.
08:05I'll be back by four.
08:07Okay.
08:25Now I've got brown sauce on it.
08:27You've got to have brown sauce on a bacon sarnie.
08:30It's the law.
08:33Love's young green.
08:34Hmm.
08:35Still stand by what I said earlier.
08:37You're off your head.
08:38It's true.
08:40Is it?
08:41It is.
08:42Yeah.
08:43Ask yourself.
08:44Fire away.
08:45Ask me anything.
08:46I am an open book.
08:49You ask her.
08:50You're the one who's obsessed.
08:51It's a slight exaggeration.
08:52Come on now.
08:53Spill the tea, as an old drag queen pal of mine used to say.
08:57You've got a friend who's a drag queen.
08:59Gastric bland.
09:01Pure evil.
09:02Okay.
09:03So, Eva thinks that you made Lauren work the other night so she couldn't go out with Ollie.
09:09That is an outrageous suggestion.
09:13And yet, scarily accurate.
09:16Thank you.
09:18Lauren is not good enough for my grandson.
09:20And if you think she is, you want your heads testing.
09:22Well, with respect, Ma.
09:24That's a first.
09:25I think it's probably up to Ollie who he does and doesn't date.
09:28Lauren is a misery gut single mother from a bad family and a terrible history with men.
09:33That might be fine for some people, but not for my grandson.
09:37Don't sit on the fence, Ma.
09:38You make it splinters in your cheeks.
09:41Mind you, he wouldn't be the first man in this family to be blinded by an airhead bottle blonde with
09:48no concept of modesty.
10:12Did you see that?
10:14I did.
10:15I hope you're not waiting for your delivery of Conker Monthly.
10:18Yeah, well, I'm not a kid.
10:19Yeah, I'm well aware of that.
10:21So, go on, tell me, Sam again, what'd he do?
10:24Let himself into the flat while I was on the loo.
10:27Got a shock of my life.
10:30What was he sniffing around for?
10:32We need to stop him, but we need to be clever.
10:35Have you ever heard of the phrase, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?
10:38Yeah.
10:40Well, I need you to be the good cop to my bad cop.
10:43You cool with that?
10:46It's hard to know what to say sometimes, isn't it?
10:50It is right, yeah.
10:52I suppose small talk's as good as anything.
10:58Oh, my.
11:02Who did that to you?
11:04Debs?
11:04Oh, if never you mind.
11:06You should see the other fella.
11:08Who was it?
11:09Eh?
11:11It's just a misunderstanding over Somerton now, but it's all tickety-boo now.
11:16So, no fretting.
11:20It's lovely to see you.
11:24You all right, Ronnie?
11:25You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders.
11:28He's fine, and so am I.
11:29Stop worrying about us.
11:31There is something I need to ask you, actually, and I don't know if this is going to come as
11:35a shock to you, Kevin, or not, but...
11:37Eh?
11:38Sounds ominous.
11:39And this is so ridiculous, this, but...
11:42Carl, well, he informed me, allegedly, that he is your son.
11:50Give over, as if.
11:53Tell him, Debs.
11:55Tell him.
11:56You are kidding me.
12:01I'm so sorry.
12:04Carl, he's, um...
12:09He's not your brother.
12:12He's your nephew.
12:31And that was that, really.
12:34We just all went along with it.
12:38I was a child.
12:40So, I've spent my life being lied to by you, my dad.
12:46My dad used to bang on about my boy, Carl, my wonderful son, and all along.
12:53Who was his grandson?
12:56They're just words, Kev.
12:58You all kept it from me.
13:00That must have been hard work.
13:02I bet he was all laughing behind me back, weren't he, what a mug Kevin is for falling for it.
13:08Gullible Kevin, he'll believe in anything.
13:11No.
13:12He wasn't like that.
13:13I did want my dad to move to Germany.
13:15He said he really fancied that job, but all along...
13:18Kevin.
13:18All along, he wanted to run away with you, Elaine, and your grubby little secret.
13:24Right, no, sorry.
13:25Even when I saw him before he died.
13:28He never mentioned it.
13:30He guarded it till a better end.
13:34Well, maybe he was waiting for me to mention it, even when I was ready.
13:42But you lie to yourself long enough.
13:45Comes true in your head eventually.
13:49And I'd buried it, hadn't I, deep inside me for, what, nearly 40-odd years?
13:57Not in a way it meant till one day, I don't know.
14:01The scales just fall from your eyes and it all just comes tumbling out.
14:06So Carl knows?
14:09Yeah.
14:10Yeah, yeah, I told him, but only recently.
14:15That's why you're carrying the can for him.
14:18I knew it, and you had me think I was going mad.
14:21I'm sorry.
14:23You were only here, because of him.
14:27What else could I do?
14:28Tell the truth.
14:30Don't mug me off.
14:32You're right.
14:33I made you think you'd got it wrong.
14:37And I'm so sorry, but...
14:40I was scared.
14:42I owe this to Carl.
14:44You know when he said he went to live with Elaine?
14:47Well, he had the most horrendous time.
14:51He's broken, Kev.
14:54And if I hadn't have been so selfish, if I'd have been a proper mum to him...
15:02then maybe it wouldn't have turned out so bad.
15:06OK.
15:07You've done all this for Carl.
15:10What's it doing to you?
15:12Look at you.
15:13You've been here five minutes.
15:15You're black and blue.
15:16Exactly.
15:17How could he?
15:19I'm all right.
15:20Look, I don't care that Carl's your son.
15:23He shouldn't be putting you through this.
15:25He's right.
15:26Well, he's not, is he?
15:27I am.
15:29This is my choice.
15:30It is.
15:31I could kill him for what he's done to you.
15:34You don't mean that.
15:36Oh.
15:37Don't I?
15:39She sent me another one.
15:42Who? What?
15:43Emily.
15:43I've told you.
15:45She keeps sending me spiritual pictures every day on a text.
15:49And what's she saying today?
15:50Well, it's a picture of Jesus, and he's knocking on a door, and it says, Behold.
16:00Might need me glasses.
16:02Thought it was Demis Roussos.
16:03And have you replied?
16:05Have I replied?
16:06Not yet.
16:07Will you?
16:08I usually say, Very nice.
16:11Oh.
16:12You want to send her one of those disappointing affirmations?
16:15What's that?
16:16Oh, you see them online.
16:17It's a picture of a beach, and it says, You'll always be mediocre.
16:23I can't send that to her.
16:26She's my friend.
16:28I might send one to Jenny, because she's got a good sense of humor.
16:32Look what I found.
16:33Shoved in a bin on the precinct.
16:34Property of the cabin, I believe.
16:37Brian, right.
16:38Look at that.
16:39Those must be the worst fortune.
16:42Lily was in charge of that.
16:43Wait till I get my hands on her.
16:45Oh, you can't say that nowadays.
16:46Well, listen.
16:47Thanks for returning them, Hope.
16:49Shoved in a bin, you say?
16:51Yeah.
16:52Do you think maybe you'd be able to help me get my D of E badge?
16:55You know, because I've done a good deed and all that.
16:58I don't think it's completely badge-worthy.
17:00Well, yeah, but, like, I have to do some volunteering work,
17:03so if you ever need some shopping doing, an extra pair of hands.
17:06I've always wanted to be a lady-in-waiting to Queen Rita.
17:09Well, yes, it might be very nice to have a little bit of help every now and then.
17:13Oh, hey!
17:15Mary?
17:16Mary.
17:16Yes.
17:17Ah.
17:18Oh.
17:19Here you go.
17:20Come here, Brian.
17:22We're nearly there.
17:23Would you like me to walk you to her?
17:26Er, no, no, I'll be fine, love.
17:27I'm fine, I'm fine.
17:29Oh, but do you need a wheelchair, then?
17:31No.
17:31Yes.
17:33A wheelchair.
17:34To run you over.
17:36Get out of the way.
17:40So, Lauren.
17:42Did you enjoy that?
17:43What do you think of her?
17:45Be honest.
17:46Here we go.
17:47No feedback for the chef, eh?
17:49Don't avoid the questions.
17:51Snap.
17:53Er, well, she's nice.
17:56Right.
17:57We have a laugh.
17:59Also, baby.
18:01What about it?
18:02She has one, unfortunately.
18:05You never had a problem with Dee Dee having one.
18:07Lauren is not a solicitor with prospects.
18:11Mind you, I'm sure she's done some soliciting in her time, just not of the legal variety.
18:19Come on.
18:20How do you envisage your life?
18:24You're a strapping lad full of beans.
18:26Do you really see yourself stopping in every night doing feeds and watching the telly?
18:31Er.
18:31Wouldn't it be more exciting to have spontaneous nights away in spa hotels or weekend city breaks in far-flung
18:40corners of the globe?
18:41She is a laugh.
18:42Really?
18:43Because from where I'm sitting, she's no Marty Cain.
18:46You won't know who that is.
18:47Who?
18:48Told you.
18:48It's like it.
18:50There's only so much grown-up fun you can have with an ankle-biter following your every move.
18:56She finds it hard enough to get childcare when she's doing shifts in this place, let alone off gallivanting with
19:02fellas.
19:05I'll say no more on the matter.
19:07It's your life that you're throwing away.
19:15Look, I know you've chosen to do your mass GCSE a year early, but I think it's too much.
19:20It's not.
19:20You're overdoing it, the stress.
19:22What force are you can say you got a qualification a year early?
19:25I mean, who cares?
19:26I care.
19:27Now, leave me alone.
19:28People aren't serving.
19:30Right, well, I haven't finished reading yet.
19:31You have.
19:34Ah, ladies, will you be dining with us this afternoon?
19:37Oh, just liquid.
19:39But a nice table, wouldn't it go, miss?
19:41Yes, walk this way.
19:43You know what I can't abide, Rita?
19:45It's when somebody says, walk this way, and then they do a silly walk and expect you to copy them.
19:49I feel like punching them, don't you?
19:51Shall I tell you what irritates me?
19:54What's that, Rick Petit?
19:55Folk who link me when I haven't asked them.
19:59Oh, posh bottle of red, Nick.
20:02Cheese babe.
20:10I come in peace.
20:13How do you mean?
20:14Well, you know, I know things haven't exactly been the greatest between you and me.
20:18Guess not.
20:20Well, so, you know, I want us to be mates.
20:21Er, you know, we are practically family.
20:24And, er, I remember you mentioning a while back a gig tonight at the New Century Hall.
20:29Yeah, the Oasis Tribute Act.
20:31Yeah.
20:31I thought we could go together, so, I've got some tickets.
20:59Yeah, yeah, fine, I can hold.
21:03What are you playing at?
21:07Do you not understand what you've done?
21:09My terminate your wife, your mother.
21:11You've let her do birth for something you did.
21:14What?
21:14She told you that?
21:15You can see the state of her in there.
21:17She's been beaten up and everything.
21:19Yeah, I know the feeling.
21:21Don't break your part up, yeah?
21:23Listen to me, cos I hate repeating myself.
21:25You've got to do the right thing by debit.
21:28How?
21:29You've got to tell the police the truth.
21:31Get her released.
21:32Cos if you don't, mate, your life ain't going to be worth living.
21:37What, you think I'm scared of you, Muppets?
21:39No, no, leave him, Roddy.
21:41Roddy, leave him.
21:43You've heard what I've said.
22:13You've heard what I've said.
22:20What, you've heard what I've said.
22:20What, you've heard what I've said.
22:20What, you've heard what I've said.
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