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Short filmTranscript
00:15Ready?
00:21Hello.
00:23Renata, have you seen my smoothie?
00:26Renata!
00:28Get the sheet mask and the cooling eye patches out of the freezer.
00:31Now!
00:32She'd been on her yesterday, for God's sakes.
00:36I trusted you.
00:38Oh, fuck off Barb.
00:48Sir, sir.
00:50Excuse me.
00:51Oh, sir.
00:51I know Steve's family are Gentiles, but we'll still get to lift you up in a chair.
00:55Barb says she can't afford a lawsuit right now.
00:57Oh, I know.
00:58Yeah, where are you?
01:00A little wedding gift.
01:01Oh my God, you shouldn't have.
01:02I should be getting you a present for making me look so fabulous.
01:05Thank you, that was so thoughtful.
01:06Open it.
01:07Now.
01:07Yes.
01:08Okay.
01:08You'll see.
01:09Oh my God, you're too much.
01:12Holy fuck.
01:13I know, right?
01:14Where did you find this?
01:15In my grubby old basement.
01:16Can you believe it?
01:17Oh my God, look at these babies.
01:19Oh, there's me.
01:20Look at your face.
01:21Voted most likely to end up in a Thai prison.
01:25And look at you now, owning your own company.
01:27It's so cool.
01:29I know, right?
01:30Oh, here we go.
01:31Sarah Horowitz voted most likely to be CEO of a global company, the profits of which she
01:38uses to save the world.
01:41Look at you.
01:43What are you up to now?
01:44Well, I mean, I'm getting married.
01:47Obviously, and?
01:50Well, my mom died.
01:51Oh my God, Rachel.
01:53Yeah, I know.
01:53Oh, well, she was Jewish, but thank you for that.
01:57No worries.
01:58It's been really tough.
01:59I'm so sorry.
02:00I'm so sorry to hear that.
02:01Hey, Michael.
02:02Yeah.
02:06Now?
02:07Yeah, I just feel like it's been a wedding morning.
02:08Maureen, I got your girlfriend.
02:09Oh, thank fuck.
02:10Oh, thank God.
02:14Oh, hi.
02:16Oh, hi.
02:16Wow, you look so casual.
02:19I'm great to see you.
02:20I'm just going to go see Sarah.
02:21Sarah?
02:24What's wrong with me now?
02:27We can't let this go ahead.
02:30Sarah doesn't love him.
02:33I know.
02:34But like, you don't want to interfere, so what do you do, right?
02:37Sally!
02:38Get it together, okay?
02:44Oh, you're emotional.
02:46I know.
02:47Best day of our lives.
02:51Excuse me.
02:53Oh, Jesus.
02:54Thank you for this.
02:59Hey, look at the hair.
03:01Good, right?
03:03Suki?
03:04Maximum setting.
03:07Smells like a brewery in here.
03:11Uh-huh.
03:27Uh-huh.
03:29Come.
03:30What are you coming.
03:31Yes.
03:34Oh, my God.
03:38Oh, my God.
03:41Ah, my God.
03:41Oh, my God.
03:54I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
04:23Back away from the hair.
04:24So why aren't you dressed?
04:26I just need to talk to Sarah.
04:27No, no. Sarah needs her time alone.
04:30Thank you. Let's go.
04:31I'm coming. I'm coming back.
04:33What can I say? I'm a genius.
04:35I'll see you out there.
04:43Hey.
04:45Thank you for coming. I appreciate it.
04:47Real pleasure.
04:50Jimmy.
04:51Jimmy.
04:52Father of the bride.
04:54Sorry, I have a little tinnitus.
04:56Sarah's my daughter.
04:59Your daughter, but...
05:00So this is the, uh...
05:02This is what we're marrying into.
05:04Nice.
05:05Well, I thought Sarah's dad was dead.
05:08Lookie here.
05:09I'm a walking miracle.
05:13Is he a wedding crasher or something?
05:15I don't know, but I should probably...
05:18I don't know.
05:19I think that might have been one of Susie's crazy uncles.
05:22So I'm just going to go and check it out.
05:36There you are.
05:38You're like a princess.
05:40I've come to walk my little girl down the aisle.
05:50I told them that you're dead.
05:57Oh, here.
05:59Hmm?
05:59Look at you.
06:01You're a mess.
06:03I thought you could get away from me, but you can't.
06:07You are me.
06:10Sarah, I'm sorry.
06:11I should have said this before, but it's not too late.
06:17What the fuck?
06:20Susie.
06:21Susie.
06:21Susie.
06:22I have to...
06:23What are you doing?
06:25You've missed your cue.
06:28You two should be walking now.
06:32Who is this person?
06:34This is...
06:34Jimmy.
06:35Well, whoever you are, you need to take your seats, for God's sakes.
06:39They need to go.
06:41Well, you've got you.
06:43You're not ruining this day for me.
06:46You will go out there and smile.
06:50Now walk.
06:51Walk.
06:53Walk.
06:54Come on.
06:59I'm going.
07:22I'll do it.
07:23Bye.
07:39You may now be seated.
07:42Welcome, friends and family.
07:46No, it's on.
07:48One, two, one, two, one, two.
07:54Welcome, friends and family, to this very, very special day.
07:59We are here to celebrate love, belonging, and finding your person.
08:04And look at these two beautiful people.
08:08And now, as an appetizer, or amuse-bouche, as we say in Paris,
08:15we have Sarah's sister, Suze, who's, yeah, gonna read a poem all the way from the Emerald Isle.
08:22Yeah.
08:26Oh, hello.
08:33This is The Facts of Life by Porek O'Tuma.
08:39That you were born, and you will die.
08:45That you will sometimes love enough, and sometimes not.
08:52That you will lie, if only to yourself.
08:57That you'll get tired.
09:00That you'll learn most from the situations you did not choose.
09:05That you began as the fusion of a sperm and an egg of two people who once were strangers and
09:12may still well be.
09:17That you'll probably be okay.
09:19That you must accept change before you die, but you will die anyway.
09:26So you might as well live.
09:28And you might as well love.
09:32You might as well love.
09:44Oh, that was very Irish.
09:50Oh, let's keep some of those happy tears in there for the vows.
09:54Oh.
09:55Okay.
09:57Now, it's tradition to ask if anyone here objects to these two people spending the rest of their lives together.
10:06Uh-oh.
10:07Oh.
10:07Oh.
10:08Please speak now, or forever hold your peace.
10:18Oh, ah!
10:19Just kidding.
10:21Woo!
10:22Let's get this party started.
10:25Aw, so cute.
10:27Okay.
10:28Steve and Sarah, you may now say your vows.
10:37You okay?
10:39Never better.
10:40You are me.
10:45I stand before you, Sarah.
10:49And I know just one thing.
10:51I want to be your husband.
10:54Sarah, you are my best friend.
10:57My lover.
10:59Uh, my partner in crime.
11:02You are my Josephine to my Napoleon.
11:05And I cannot wait for all the adventures that we'll have together.
11:10You are my beautiful rock.
11:13Uh, um.
11:14Wait, I'm sorry.
11:16Uh, sorry.
11:17You are beautiful, and you are my rock.
11:21Sorry.
11:24Thank you, Steve.
11:26Sarah?
11:27Oh, that was really beautiful.
11:30Okay.
11:31Okay.
11:34You are my rock.
11:36Rock.
11:38Rock.
11:40Cocksucker.
11:42Sorry.
11:43That was...
11:45Okay, nope.
11:47I can do this.
11:50Oh, sorry.
11:52Steve.
11:52Yeah.
11:54You are my...
11:58Cocksucker.
12:02Hang on.
12:03I...
12:03I...
12:03I can do this.
12:04I can.
12:05What is happening?
12:05I don't know.
12:06I just...
12:07Actually, I think I need to breathe.
12:08What?
12:09Yeah, I think I just...
12:10It's okay.
12:10Okay.
12:11Okay, uh, why don't we take a little break, and we'll get the bride some water.
12:15I have to take them off.
12:19Now?
12:19Yeah.
12:20We need to get it off.
12:21Just pull from the heel.
12:23Oh.
12:24He'll pull harder.
12:25Oh, thanks.
12:27Fuck.
12:27Oh, hang on.
12:28There's another one.
12:29Why are there always two?
12:31Hey, come in pair.
12:32I have to get it off.
12:34Please, please get up, okay?
12:36Hee-haw.
12:38Hee-haw.
12:39That's...
12:40That's what you sound like.
12:44That was super mean.
12:46Oh, no.
12:48I'm doing you a favor.
12:51Yeah.
12:52We need someone who can...
12:55Ski.
12:58Honey, is this white?
12:59Yes, it's white.
13:00It is.
13:01That's what I said.
13:02Okay, there we go.
13:02It's white.
13:04I mean, this is white, right?
13:07I just have to stop to say one thing.
13:09I was gonna be a CEO.
13:13Of something.
13:14I just...
13:15Oh, my God.
13:16I just...
13:17I want this dress off.
13:18Get it off!
13:20I want it off!
13:21Just get it off!
13:22Rip that dress.
13:23I will tell you.
13:24We'll talk about this later.
13:26Get on with it.
13:27Barb.
13:28I forgot to tap.
13:30Oh!
13:30We need to stop.
13:31Because I forgot to tap!
13:34Where's the green?
13:34We need a miracle.
13:35No, no, no, no.
13:35What did you do to her?
13:36Oh!
13:37What did you do?
13:38Tap, tap, tap, tap.
13:40Tap, tap, tap.
13:42Tap, tap, tap.
13:43Tap, tap, tap.
13:44Tap, tap, tap.
13:44Tap, tap, tap.
13:46Tap, tap, tap.
13:46Tap, tap, tap.
13:47Tap, tap, tap.
13:49You're okay?
13:50You're all liars.
13:53Liars!
13:55I'm a liar too.
13:58Sarah.
13:59Sarah, it's okay.
14:00We're gonna get out of here.
14:01She's honest.
14:02I mean, okay, she smokes.
14:04But she's honest.
14:06And I want to be honest, too.
14:10Yeah, I want to show you all who I really am.
14:14Oh, we see who you are, and it is a miracle to behold.
14:17The first thing I learned in the AA is that addiction is never the fault of the others.
14:22Oh, you shut your cup, Jimmy.
14:23Oh, sorry, Paps.
14:25Who the hell is that guy?
14:26Our dad.
14:28Not dead.
14:30And I am not you.
14:36Oh, God, Sarah.
14:37Sarah, fuck.
14:39What did you take?
14:40I don't know, Olivia.
14:42Oh, my God, what?
14:42How many?
14:43A lot.
14:43How many is a lot?
14:45A lot, a lot.
14:46Fuck.
14:47Okay, we've got to come out.
14:49Come on, come on.
14:50Oh, God, come on.
14:55Oh, God, come on.
14:55Oh, God, come on.
14:57Oh, God, come on.
14:59Oh, God, come on.
14:59Oh, God, come on.
15:01Oh, God, come on.
15:01Oh, God, come on.
15:02Oh, God, come on.
15:02Call a doctor.
15:03Hello?
15:05Mishmacham.
15:05Whatever.
15:06Where's she?
15:07No.
15:08Mommy?
15:08No.
15:09I get down on my knees on that I've burned.
15:14Chosen ain't the price I've got to pay.
15:19Steed down my knees, baby, baby, please.
15:25Cry to sacrifice myself today.
15:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:30You know what I want to do.
15:33You know what I need to.
15:35Oh, you hear me dance for a birthday.
15:37Yeah, you hear me dance for a birthday.
15:41Yeah, yeah.
16:18Oh, you hear me dance for a birthday?
16:34Oh, you hear me dance.
16:56I'm in love with you, but it's all right.
17:01I fall in love nearly every night.
17:05And it fills up my heart till I can't keep it in.
17:14Thank God!
17:16If I sing again, I'm in love with you.
17:20Mm-mm-mm.
17:21But it's okay.
17:23Oh, face is only a mother could love.
17:26Every day I'm in love with you.
17:29I'm in love with you.
17:34I'm in love with you.
17:36I'm in love with you.
17:37And with every good poet I haven't made.
17:40Cause loving is easy.
17:44It's taking a breath.
17:46I do it all day.
17:48Till the day of my death.
17:51I don't wanna own you.
17:53You don't have to stay.
17:56Just as long as I've known you.
17:59I wanted to say.
18:01Cause I'm in love with you, honey.
18:04But don't be afraid.
18:06I fell in love with the love that we made.
18:10But it's none of my business if you could love me.
18:18You don't have to earn it.
18:21I'm giving it free.
18:26Why are you looking at me like that?
18:28I'm not dead.
18:29I am.
18:32I've been thinking about it.
18:35I think you should take my eggs.
18:38Are you still high on the meds?
18:40No.
18:41I mean, yeah.
18:42But I'm serious.
18:44What?
18:45You should think about it.
18:46You want me to take your eggs?
18:49I mean it.
18:50They're just gonna get thrown away.
18:53Oh, God.
18:56Well, and there'll be a little one of you running around?
18:58Yeah.
18:59The last thing the world needs.
19:00Hmm.
19:01I'm serious, though.
19:02Think about it.
19:04Oh, it's a pretty good offer for a girl like you.
19:09Oh, my God.
19:11Your egg and a stranger sperm.
19:16Oh.
19:17Well, I came from a stranger and it brought me to you.
19:21Oh.
19:24Will you help me raise a baby?
19:25No fucking chance.
19:30Auntie Sarah.
19:32I can live with that.
19:43Great!
19:44If not, you guys.
19:45Hello?
19:49Hello?
19:50Hello?
19:53Human Ways.
19:55I'mllie Tankortal.
19:55Okay, please.
20:01Bye.
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