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Short filmTranscript
00:01So John, you know that Musical Weeks is coming up.
00:05I know.
00:05How do you feel about that?
00:07I feel great.
00:08Yeah?
00:09Excited?
00:09I want to make sure we get some music which stimulates you, which makes you just buzz.
00:14Okay.
00:15Well, actually I do.
00:16Are you alright?
00:18Are you okay?
00:19Well, that's certainly stimulating me.
00:21You're okay.
00:21Yeah, I'm okay.
00:21I got a bit of kick, but it's okay.
00:23Let me, hold on.
00:25That's certainly stimulation.
00:52Welcome to my Carnival of Cocos.
00:54That sounds much more interesting.
00:57With live TV troubles.
00:59I'm going to unmute your mic.
01:01With the heart.
01:02And behind the scenes, headaches.
01:03And someone's cloning the camera.
01:05It's the party that no famous face wants to be invited to.
01:09Should we kneel down, Lisa?
01:10I think we should.
01:11Is that better?
01:11I think we should.
01:12Lights camera action now.
01:14No, that was me fighting for fun as well.
01:17Oh, never mind.
01:19No.
01:21But watch these stars shine.
01:23Lights camera action now.
01:24Because no matter what happens, the show must go on.
01:29Is that not their royal palace?
01:31Sorry about that.
01:32I thought I covered it up.
01:34Lights camera action now.
01:37This is the Antiques Road Trip.
01:40Dealer Mark is on his way to Aberdeen, determined to beat his rival.
01:45The gloves are off.
01:46Though maybe he should have kept them on.
01:48What I'm trying to do, we're going to asylum.
01:51So I'm trying to find things like this.
01:53Which, you know, might need a bit of restoration.
01:55But it looks as if it's just come for my house clearance.
02:02But there's no price on that.
02:08Can I just say something to you at home?
02:12That's not recommended.
02:15You shouldn't actually do that.
02:18You really shouldn't.
02:19If you try it, you could end up with an expensive clock-up.
02:26And on Coronation Street, the body of Leo ended up in a wheelie bin.
02:30But here he is, alive and well, yet still down in the dumps.
02:36Yeah, well.
02:38It's hard to erase the image of your fiancé snogging the face of another bloke.
02:42What bloke?
02:46Oh, I'm going to sneeze, sorry.
02:48Bless you.
02:49Ruined it.
02:51Maybe.
02:51They'll never notice that.
02:52Can we use that?
02:55Sorry.
02:55No, I don't think they can use that.
03:00Ruined it.
03:01Ruined it.
03:03Australian Idol is a show that makes dreams come true.
03:06And successful contestants have been known to celebrate in all sorts of ways.
03:12But I've never seen a celebration like this before.
03:16But let's see how you are next time.
03:19Good luck.
03:19Go and celebrate.
03:21Thanks so much.
03:27Don't worry.
03:29The show's producers have brilliant medical care.
03:32But it's not really needed.
03:34Noah was completely unhurt by the fall.
03:38Embarrassed, but unhurt.
03:40Sorry, guys.
03:41You're good, man.
03:43This is not the celebration drink Noah planned.
03:45But he's happy to be through to the next round.
03:48Next time, he'll ask them to turn the heating down.
03:53Bad Education.
03:55Where they are throwing a party for Matthew Horne's scene-stiggling entrance.
04:00But they may have gone a bit overboard with the streamers.
04:06Hey, stranger-tings.
04:08Hmm?
04:11It's all in my face.
04:13I'm really sorry.
04:17Now an outtake from Love Island,
04:20and it's not easy for the producers to keep the twists and turns coming.
04:24So whoever came up with this surprise, I take my hat off to them.
04:28I think with us, yeah, like with me anyway,
04:31I feel like I need to be distracted with people.
04:33Oh, no.
04:34It was worth every penny for the hire of the wind machine.
04:38Oh, no, no, no.
04:40I can see your voice.
04:42The programme where you never know what will come out of a contestant's mouth.
04:46And you never know what will come out of Paddy's mouth either.
04:50You have played a great game so far.
04:53First to face the stage of truth.
04:55It's smash it!
04:56Oh, sorry.
04:59Stop, stop, stop.
05:00I don't think that word was on the autocue.
05:03Can someone give me Vernon Kaye because...
05:06I won't work like this.
05:10Emmerdale.
05:11And over the years, Bernice has been a barmaid, a landlady, a salon owner.
05:16But I don't think the writers will be giving her a job in the post office.
05:20No, I can see you're busy. I'll open it for you.
05:23Oh, bloody hell!
05:29I can't get it! It's like it's stuck together.
05:32Don't get her to present a soap award.
05:35She won't even be able to open the envelope.
05:40Waterloo Road.
05:41And a scene where an actor has to pretend to be trapped behind a locked door.
05:45But on this show, they do like to go for realism.
05:49Ah, it's not budging.
05:51Oh, yeah, it does that sometimes. Here, you've got to use this.
06:03Are you sure it works?
06:06Uh-oh.
06:07Rach, you weren't planning on going anywhere this weekend, were you?
06:12And now over to South America
06:14with CBBC's big boy scout, Steve Bakshel.
06:18He's gone fishing.
06:20But don't worry, Steve is an animal lover.
06:23He won't hurt anything he catches.
06:26Let's hope the piranha feels the same way.
06:30It's not one of the real monsters.
06:33In fact, it's quite average size.
06:36Although you can see, it still has quite a snap on it
06:40and a superlative set of gnashers.
06:44Oh!
06:46Really mistimed that quite badly.
06:49Oh, ow!
06:53Well, it was about time that happened.
06:55I've been catching piranhas for a long, long time
06:57and I've not been bitten yet.
06:59Well, you have now.
07:00My first piranha battle scar.
07:03Steve, it just goes to show there is a first time for everything.
07:07Oh!
07:17News, cock-ups now, as this station in Australia turns 90 years old.
07:22No presents, though.
07:24They are giving us a gift.
07:26Hello.
07:27We're here.
07:28This Friday morning.
07:29You are watching News Breakfast.
07:32And it is good to have you.
07:34You're coming.
07:34Should we kneel down, Lisa?
07:35Is that better?
07:36I think we should.
07:37It must be Friday.
07:38Here we go.
07:39We're going to rise to the occasion.
07:42And can I say, happy 90th birthday, ABC.
07:45Yes!
07:46Happy 90th birthday, ABC.
07:49Although, at this rate, I can't see you're making it to your 91st.
07:54On the political reaction...
07:56The team on ITB's News at 10 know that viewers can get tired
08:00of hearing about the cost-of-living crisis.
08:02So, occasionally, they do things to cheer everyone up.
08:06And for in-depth analysis of how today's budget played out
08:09in Westminster and how the key changes will affect the cost of living,
08:13go to ITB.com slash news.
08:17Whoopsie!
08:20Sorry about that.
08:23The story of Elizabeth Holmes has inspired books, documentaries
08:27and a big-budget drama.
08:29But the science behind the scam was complicated.
08:32So, Channel 4 have consulted an expert to help us understand it.
08:36Joining me now is Gerrit de Vinque,
08:39the Washington Post technology reporter who is following the case
08:42and is based in Silicon Valley.
08:43Gerrit, thanks very much for coming on the programme.
08:45How was she able to dupe all these really clever people
08:49who supposedly know exactly where to put their money?
09:03Gerrit, you've muted your mic.
09:05Gerrit, you've muted your mic.
09:07You've got to unmute your mic.
09:09I'm terribly sorry.
09:11This is two years into the pandemic.
09:12I'm still learning this.
09:13What technology reporter?
09:14What's going on?
09:17To answer your question, I mean, she used...
09:19Bad, bad, bad.
09:20OK, we're going to start again.
09:21Ooh, if Channel 4, the home of naughty programmes,
09:25says you're really bad, you know you've been bad.
09:28Really, really bad.
09:29The language of Silicon Valley...
09:312023 saw Britain host the Eurovision Song Contest
09:36on the behalf of Ukraine.
09:37And with a huge buzz in the city,
09:39BBC News wanted to meet the people of Liverpool
09:42and find out how excited they all were.
09:45The Eurovision Song Contest is coming here.
09:48Yeah. Is it?
09:51No, sorry.
09:53Oh.
09:55So this is news to you?
09:56This is news.
09:58Breaking news.
09:59Yeah.
09:59Well, prepare yourself.
10:00You're going to have...
10:01It's going to be like a party here.
10:02I can't because I've had too much boot up.
10:04Sorry, ladies.
10:05Full marks for the facials,
10:07but for observation, it's Neil Poir.
10:10The Eurovision.
10:12STV News where kids are in costume for World Book Day.
10:16But it might be Newsreader John
10:19who needs a disguise after this.
10:21Who would you go as, Kelly?
10:22What would you dress up as?
10:24It would have to be a character from Famous Five.
10:27A dog?
10:31Good night.
10:33Well, it's a good job they're in separate cities.
10:39Good morning, Britain.
10:41They'll go to any lengths to bring us the news in the morning,
10:45by whatever means.
10:46New Green Deal on really investing in that would be the appropriate way to go.
10:53I said, Kate's left her phone on.
10:55Sorry.
10:55My excuse is...
10:56I immediately thought it was mine.
10:58My excuse today is my eye.
10:59My excuse today...
11:01That was just the news alert.
11:03News alert?
11:04I was...
11:04The good news is...
11:06There's some breaking news on another news channel.
11:08That's what I said.
11:09I find it quite useful when I'm not on air.
11:12So generous of Ben and Kate to tell all their viewers to switch over.
11:17I normally get alerts myself, but it hasn't come up.
11:20It might be that they're reporting on my glasses.
11:22You never know.
11:23That could be news this morning.
11:25That's right, Kate.
11:26The BBC don't care about wars, disasters or the energy crisis.
11:31Not when you've got new glasses.
11:35On Australian breakfast news, they are supposed to be going over to the sports desk.
11:41But there is breaking news.
11:42Whoa!
11:44We've just had an accident.
11:46Yes.
11:48Carl's covered in...
11:49I went for a high-five.
11:51I went for a high-five.
11:52I didn't see a cup of tea.
11:55Burning, ginger and lemon tea.
11:58You're laughing.
11:59It's so hot.
12:00Yeah, it's hot.
12:02And if an Australian says it's hot, it's hot.
12:06Really hot.
12:07Soothing.
12:08Why would you try and high-five me with a cup of burning tea?
12:11I didn't see that because it was down below my eye level.
12:14So I went high-five.
12:16This is why our news readers don't high-five each other in the middle of a live bulletin.
12:22It's only got lemon seeds on you as well.
12:24Have I?
12:25Wow.
12:26Sorry about that.
12:28What a good start to the day.
12:33Time for a break and my big cock-up question.
12:39It's a brave Corrie resident who dines at the bistro.
12:43What with armed robberies, explosions and a runaway tram landing on your head.
12:48So watch today's drama.
12:50Yeah.
12:51OK.
12:51You just said, leave me out a bit, Ryan.
12:53Cool.
12:54Here we go.
12:56Action.
12:57Sensible man.
12:58But who isn't so sensible?
13:01Find out after the break.
13:25Here we go.
13:27And hi.
13:28Sensible man.
13:29Right, I need to go.
13:30For how long?
13:31Well, the rest of the day.
13:33What?
13:35Sorry.
13:36Sorry.
13:37I'm really sorry.
13:39I'm sorry, guys.
13:41Put your fingers.
13:44All breakages must be paid for.
13:49Let's travel back in time with the Larkins and celebrate life before the internet, love
13:55island and noisy modern phones.
13:58It's a time for lovely old-fashioned things, like arguing with your husband and daytime drinking.
14:05Do you need a drink at three o'clock in the afternoon?
14:07Yes.
14:08I do.
14:09Because I appear to be married to a man without a shred of conscience.
14:13The Larkins are an irritant, but they've never been evil.
14:19Are you going to answer that?
14:21They've not been invented, have you?
14:25Meet the Richardsons.
14:27John's on Dave.
14:28And here's why John should have hired a sat-nav instead of Johnny Vegas.
14:33Can I go left?
14:34Nothing telling me I'm coming, is there?
14:36No, I think it is.
14:37They want me to go left for the cameras.
14:41Don't feel right, does it?
14:42No-one else is pointing this way.
14:56I bought...
14:57...and received nine points on my licence.
15:01Available exclusively on Netflix, it's Heartstopper.
15:04It's a gorgeous coming-of-age comedy-drama.
15:07Although in this scene, I think there's more comedy than drama.
15:11Sort papers of me.
15:12What?
15:13Why?
15:14I've run it for you.
15:15You hate running.
15:16Thanks.
15:17It's fine.
15:18I'm just...
15:20I'm just sorry for...
15:22What is he sorry for?
15:24Year 10 and 11, 200 metres!
15:26Oh, my boys.
15:26Get yourself over to the starting point.
15:28What have I done?
15:29He's sorry for spoiling this take.
15:33Sorry for everything.
15:34That didn't look up.
15:39Now, plebs, with a soldier who is a real-life tough guy,
15:43at least until the cock-ups kick in.
15:45We're not hanging out.
15:48We're just hanging along in silence from now on.
15:51If it was up to me, I'd be working alone, OK?
15:56But I still haven't told you about the time Marks is...
15:58Oh!
15:59Hello, darling.
16:00It's fine.
16:01Stand by.
16:02Stand by, darling.
16:02We'll go again.
16:03We'll go again, darling.
16:04It's fine.
16:05Oh, he's not a legionnaire.
16:07He's a lovey.
16:11Emmerdale, where a presentation by Bernice and Nicola
16:15reveals a little too much information.
16:19Sounds like fun.
16:20Yeah, I wish I was going, but instead,
16:21I'm doing this presentation on me own.
16:23I thought you had volunteers.
16:25She is.
16:26Oh.
16:26Rona's mum and Rishi.
16:28The barrel has been well and truly scraped.
16:31Far cry from my brilliant sister who swallows...
16:35No.
16:38Swallows.
16:39She eats, not swallows.
16:41You don't want to get those two mixed up.
16:43Sorry.
16:44Who eats presentations for breakfast, sorry.
16:48And action.
16:49Oh, she's a chocolate dogs princess.
16:51Nice.
16:51Mwah.
16:52The director on the genius Gangster Granny Strikes Again
16:56has gone for a very long take.
16:58These can take ages to get right.
17:01Fortunately, actor Kevin Bishop never puts a foot wrong.
17:07OMG.
17:08Flavio!
17:12You nearly had it.
17:13I'm so sorry.
17:15It's her.
17:15Something happens to me every time I see her, my baby comes off.
17:20I'm so sorry.
17:22Oh!
17:28Now we're entering the world of the lively.
17:31He's the king of chat show, who's interviewed almost as many...
17:34Talk about pressure.
17:36Dermot and Alison are about to interview the master of interviews himself,
17:40Graham Norton.
17:42They'll be fine.
17:43All they need is a good icebreaker.
17:45The last time I saw you, you was with your dog out and about.
17:48I've just been told I'm going to get a four-legged friend.
17:50Have you still got your dog?
17:53Er, no.
17:54Er, dead.
17:55I'm gutted.
17:56Oh, I'm so sorry.
17:57I'm so sorry, I'm absolutely devastated.
18:00Even though he's squatting in his hallway, Graham has still got his sense of humour.
18:04I don't know what happened.
18:06I'm so sorry.
18:07I'm being horrible to you.
18:08He knows his crown as the king of chat is well and truly safe.
18:15Reporter Jo is finding out what the people of Norfolk would like to see from Liz Truss.
18:21Though, as we know, all they actually got to see of Liz Truss was her back.
18:26We've been speaking to people about Liz Truss, what they'd like to see from her and, of course, lots of
18:31them are concerned about the cost of living.
18:33Over to you, Jane.
18:37Oh, it's a little magical mystery tour.
18:41Er, Jane.
18:42Jane!
18:47Joe, I'm so sorry. I do apologise. I lost Joe entirely there, but...
18:51Just like Liz Truss, Jane didn't realise her job had actually started.
18:56I'm assuming that everyone...
18:57A Melbourne council has raised a few eyebrows, spending tens of thousands of dollars on a sculpture of oranges.
19:03Our citrus correspondent, Nathan Curry, is still there.
19:06It's a juicy one, Nathan, this morning.
19:09Some people...
19:09Oh, Aussie reporters do love a pun, don't they?
19:13Yes, Eddie.
19:14Our cameraman, Jared, told me to say it's driving a real wedge into the community.
19:18That's his job.
19:20Yes, they're squeezing them all out in this segment.
19:24Oh, they've got me doing it now.
19:26Have to stop, must concentrate.
19:29Andy, what do you think about the oranges?
19:31Yeah, look, I don't mind the oranges.
19:32I mean, they look nice, but I just think that 85,000 would have been well spent maybe doing up
19:36some club rooms,
19:37or, you know, they're getting pretty old and tired.
19:39It would have been nice to see them done up, but...
19:41It would have been nice to see that, but at least we get to look at this.
19:45Another Melbourne cancer last year, mate, world-wide headlines.
19:49The locals have had enough.
19:51The locals have had enough.
19:52They don't want anyone seeing these oranges.
19:54Either that, or the driver was just taking the pith.
20:02BBC Breakfast have sent Nina to Spinner's Mill in Manchester,
20:07where it's all about looking into the future.
20:09Although if they could really look into the future,
20:12they would have saved Nina a lot of embarrassment.
20:15What matters now is the future.
20:17Let's have a chat with Les, who runs...
20:20Oh, excuse me.
20:21A high street estate agency.
20:23Sorry about that, Les.
20:24My battery pack has just fallen out.
20:26Never mind, Nina.
20:27We viewers wanted to read this sign anyway.
20:31Nina, for now, thanks very much indeed.
20:33If you need a microphone, Nina, I reckon there's about 855 here,
20:36because the media from around the world are here,
20:39so we'll whiz one to you.
20:40What a gent.
20:41We'll see you again a bit later.
20:44The Today Show.
20:45And a live link to reporter Tim.
20:48But this is just a teaser, so it's less of a truck item
20:51and more of a trailer.
20:53But wait, there's more.
20:54This is not the main attraction.
20:56This is just the warm-up.
20:58We'll tell you more in half an hour, guys.
21:01If that's the warm-up, what on earth is he going to be pulling later?
21:06Yep.
21:07Good stuff, Tim. Thank you.
21:09Well, we want to show you now that video of concert-goers in Melbourne
21:12caught up...
21:14in a...
21:16in a stampede at...
21:18I don't know what I've just missed.
21:21Anyway, this is a serious story.
21:23So, this is what happened to...
21:24Good luck reading a serious story after that.
21:26Chaos erupting.
21:28And our final live link is to the Lorraine studio.
21:33Lorraine is here at nine morning.
21:35Well, she sort of is.
21:37Lorraine has regenerated.
21:41She is back tomorrow, I promise.
21:43Do the accent, Christine. Do the accent.
21:45Mine is strong enough. I can't do anything else.
21:49It's a delight to see you, Christine.
21:51Our flattery will get you everywhere, Susannah.
21:54But if I know you and Martin, you'll think of an even better way of getting back in Christine's good
22:00books.
22:01Christine, your nickname is Lorraine this morning.
22:04Well, actually, the people don't know that.
22:06But it's a very...
22:07Backstage in the green rooms and everything, we always call Christine Lorraine, don't we?
22:10It's just one of those...
22:12I'm very happy with that. That's good.
22:14It could be worse.
22:16It could be worse.
22:17It could be worse, Christine.
22:17You should hear what they call me.
22:19Time for my big cock-up question.
22:29See, BBC's Steve Batchel is getting his kit off to explain some science and cheer up any mums who've had
22:36a rough day.
22:37Yes, ladies, he is hydrodynamic.
22:41You can see, as we start to build up speed, automatically, the water's pushing back against me.
22:48And I'm really, really struggling to hold on.
22:51But why will holding on be the least of Steve's worries?
22:56Find out after the break.
23:07Step of the way!
23:08Welcome back. Cock-ups from entertainment shows now.
23:12And before the break, I ask, why will holding on be the least of Steve's worries?
23:17Let's find out.
23:18You can see, as we start to build up speed, automatically, the water's pushing back against me.
23:26And I'm really, really struggling to hold on.
23:30I'm actually already losing my trunks.
23:34Cheeky.
23:35I don't think I tied them all quite strong enough.
23:39Ah, oh dear.
23:41How fast now?
23:426.8.
23:44Oh, faster, make it go faster.
23:46If they come off, your ratings will go through the roof.
23:50I'm not on the trunks!
23:53I hope you can't see my bossing!
23:56Don't worry, Steve.
23:57I'm sparing your blushes.
23:59Let's hope the crew stop recording before you get out.
24:05Oli Mers is back with a new series of Starstruck.
24:09But is it actually Oli, or a superfan makeover?
24:13It's so hard to tell.
24:15Welcome to Starstruck.
24:17Are you ready for a night of superstar makeovers?
24:20Yes.
24:22I thought you'd say that.
24:23Tonight, four more teams of superfans are living their everyday lives behalf.
24:28Oh, fuck.
24:35Definitely the real Oli, troublemaker.
24:38I knew you'd say that.
24:42It's the cast of Moulin Rouge the Musical, as they perform a spectacular number for the opening of Britain's Got
24:50Talent.
24:50But in a minute, it almost turns into a very different show entirely.
24:55And now, please welcome your hosts, Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly.
25:02It's an exciting entrance.
25:04But when it comes to Ant getting out of the chair, it's not he can, can, can, but he can't,
25:10can't, can't.
25:13I'm stuck! I'm stuck in my chair!
25:18He's a celebrity. Get him out of there!
25:20Thank you very much. I'm not stuck in my chair!
25:22I'm stuck in my chair! Come on, welcome!
25:26Jan is in court to claim a refund on a sculpture he had commissioned for his wedding.
25:32He says the artist Glenn failed to deliver a work of art that fitted Jan's brief.
25:42Right. This is the moment, Michelle, I'm going to ask you to unveil the piece.
25:47Thank you very much.
25:54So the audience are giggling.
25:56But remember, this is a serious dispute.
25:58We can rely on Judge Rinder to take it seriously.
26:04Now, sir, actually...
26:10laughed again, laughed again.
26:12Pull yourself together, Rinder.
26:21You see, there is an element of fun in it as well.
26:24There certainly does.
26:25It's an enjoyable piece, correct?
26:28Well, Judge Rinder is certainly enjoying it.
26:32He's enjoying it so much, he may never finish making this episode.
26:42Love Island, where the sound department almost ruined Shaq's chances of passion,
26:47before he barely got started.
26:54Oh, it's a fucking mic! It's fucking smacking my balls!
26:58If you fancy this treatment, just ask for a mic pack smack and Shaq.
27:03Oh, it's a fucking mic! It's rocking my balls!
27:06Where are you this week, Jordan?
27:08Yes, boys!
27:09Ant and Dec are trusting Jordan North to surprise a waitress at work, which is brave.
27:15I'm not sure I'd trust him to know the day of the week.
27:18I've never stopped working. We're going to go into the restaurant now.
27:22Hi, everybody. Sorry to disturb you. I know you're eating your tea on a Sunday night.
27:26Sorry. Saturday night. Saturday. Saturday. Sorry.
27:30Yes, you're presenting Saturday Night Takeaway, Jordan.
27:34If it was Sunday night, you'd have missed the show.
27:42It's Amanda and Alan's Italian job, as these unlikely decorators get plastered.
27:49Sorry, get plastering on a BBC budget.
27:51They've spent a small fortune on vintage tiles, so have got an expert in for the tricky bit.
27:57What have you destroyed in our house this time?
27:59Look! There are amazing tiles.
28:02You've brought me some tiles to make lights with.
28:04Basically, what we're going to do is we're going to glue...
28:08Oh, you did that.
28:09Oh, no! That was your favourite plan as well!
28:12And he's supposed to be the expert.
28:14What's the opposite of the mindless touch?
28:17What have you destroyed today?
28:19He jinxed me. He jinxed me.
28:22Of course not.
28:24Ninja Warrior has returned with a new format, but I'm not sure Ben and Cammy get it.
28:30They're supposed to be commentating on racing couples, not commentating in rhyming couplets.
28:36Stay on the blue, Matt. Stay on the blue.
28:39Stay on the blue and try and get through.
28:44Here you are. I'll show you exactly what you need to do.
28:49Hold on. You're still rhyming. Keep going.
28:51Yes, Cammy, you've started. So you'll have to finish.
28:54Have you got something for me and you?
28:55I've run out!
28:56LAUGHTER
28:56I can't believe you've run out of a do!
28:59LAUGHTER
29:01But basically, he knows what to do!
29:04Yeah!
29:06OK, that's enough now.
29:08Tell you what, Matthew is still flying high here, Cammy.
29:11But who knew?
29:13LAUGHTER
29:14Sam, you're not you!
29:16Stop!
29:18Come on, Matthew.
29:19Now, what's he gonna do?
29:22LAUGHTER
29:23Cammy, you can't have do. You did that one earlier.
29:26LAUGHTER
29:28Over to Matthew.
29:30I hope he doesn't go in the blue!
29:34LAUGHTER
29:34I said that, didn't I?
29:38Ah, never mind.
29:39Yes, sir.
29:41And our final entertainment cock-up comes courtesy of Come Dine With Me.
29:46On Appetite.
29:47Very strict tonight.
29:49Now, listen, I don't really drink.
29:49Oh, you don't? I'll get you something else.
29:51No, but give me that much in the bottom.
29:53I don't...
29:54LAUGHTER
29:55That kind of party!
29:59APPLAUSE
30:05Keep the hot here that's coming our way.
30:07Other cock-ups now.
30:09And to help us cope with the heatwave,
30:11Carol With The Weather is sharing her impressive tips.
30:15I said tips.
30:17I think these would probably be my top tips, John.
30:21John?
30:22Top tips. They're very, very good tips.
30:24Carol, have you got any tips for removing bird poo from linen jackets?
30:28Because I've just been splattered by a pigeon.
30:32LAUGHTER
30:33Now, that was a downpour that Carol did not predict.
30:37LAUGHTER
30:38It could get messy, couldn't it?
30:40I'm slightly anxious about doing this.
30:41I've also got another jacket.
30:42Maybe we'll go for that option for now and hit the dry cleaners a bit later.
30:46You might be able to sponge it out.
30:48You never know.
30:49It usually works with my stains.
30:51It might not feel it right now, but bear in mind that that delivery is considered good luck.
30:58Not helping, Nina.
30:59Yeah. Not for my jacket.
31:01LAUGHTER
31:04Hello again, David Brown with your weather update.
31:06Hi, David. Loving the name.
31:08Queensland, currently in Brisbane. It's on 34 degrees.
31:13And someone's cloning the camera.
31:16And they missed a bit.
31:18It's the seed we have.
31:20GMB.
31:21And it's a winter's day, but don't worry.
31:24Laura Tobin has news of a warm wind.
31:27These lines, the isobars, the pressure lines far apart, showing the winds alights.
31:31The skies are clear and that means temperatures have tumbled overnight.
31:35So a frosty start first thing this morning with plenty of...
31:38A frosty what?
31:39Laura, you can't just carry on and pretend that didn't slip out.
31:44What are we starting with, Laura? It's a what start?
31:46A frosty start.
31:47It's a frosty start.
31:49Frosty start.
31:49But did you really say that, Laura?
31:51And that means temperatures have tumbled overnight, so a frosty fart start first thing this morning.
31:57Awww.
31:58What have we got, Laura?
31:59I thought I covered it up.
32:00A frosty fart.
32:02So many of our Good Morning Britain viewers are very, very good at hearing things.
32:07No, they don't sound comfortable, do they?
32:10You should try having one.
32:14In Australia, they expect good weather every day.
32:18Their news readers won't stand for anything else.
32:21In fact, warnings are current for damaging winds, gusting potentially to a hundred...
32:26It's a walkout.
32:27Through the south-west.
32:29Quick, promise some good weather, or there will be no-one left to read the news.
32:35Oh, okay, you're the sporting superstar at the school, right?
32:37Yeah, I'm better than that.
32:38It seemed like such a cute idea to send Tim to do his forecast from a school, but it was
32:44a decision that everyone would come to regret.
32:47Alright, we'll see how I go as well. I haven't done this for a while. I'll pop that down there.
32:51Okay, sacks ready. Mr. Burrows has got his whistle.
32:53On your mark. Get set.
32:57You're going down, Tim!
32:59You're going down!
33:01He's just working, kiddo!
33:03He did!
33:04He did!
33:10You can't do that, Tim!
33:14What are you talking about? I just, I just, you know, bumped into him.
33:17You won, but at what cost?
33:20At what cost indeed, Tim, it's not about the winning, it's about not shoving a child to the ground on
33:26live TV.
33:27Let's go again!
33:32I've never seen anything like that.
33:36We're going to have a look at the weather now. Is it alright?
33:38Ben and Kate are handing over to Kew Gardens in London to get the latest from Laura.
33:45But she's ditched the weather and gone for a stroll.
33:49Oh, Laura's disappeared.
33:50What? She got lost in amongst the orchids.
33:53She's got one job, Laura.
33:55Was she stuck in the undergrowth?
33:57I hope she's being careful.
33:59Some of the plants at Kew are carnivorous.
34:03She's gone off for a forage.
34:04We'll see if we can track her down.
34:06Has anybody found her?
34:07Is she there?
34:09No, just a very full Venus flytrap.
34:12Richard, you've got to pick us up with the weather.
34:13Yeah, you can't have a TV. Give it to us.
34:15I can promise you a warm front and damp patches as we look forward to this weekend's television.
34:20Ooh, what a seamless link.
34:22And that's why Richard gets paid the medium bucks.
34:29Time for my big cock-up question.
34:34Sky Sports have sent their reporter Michael down to Crystal Palace.
34:38He's there to cover all the juicy transfer goss.
34:42And he's looking at it from all angles.
34:45You would give them a little bit more options on the wide and on the flanks.
34:48And I've covered Crystal Palace all pre-season.
34:51And interestingly, Wilfred Zahar has played the majority of the time up front.
34:56So he's mentioned the wide, the flanks and the up front.
34:59But which of these should Michael be worried about?
35:03Fight out after the break.
35:15Welcome back.
35:16Sport cock-ups now, as we go back to Michael, who is looking at Crystal Palace from all angles.
35:22Before the break, he mentioned the wide, the flanks and the up front.
35:25And I asked you, which of these should Michael be worried about?
35:29Let's find out.
35:30We'll see when they play Fulham on Saturday.
35:33But IU does look like he will be on his way.
35:36He hasn't been played.
35:37Oh, my God, I've just been splashed.
35:40Oh, my God.
35:42That's live TV for you.
35:44The answer is it was none of them.
35:46He should have been worried about an attack from the rear.
35:50Still, if he will cover the players, it's only fair that they get to cover him too.
35:59It's no expense spared at the iconic St Andrews Golf Club.
36:04The production has hired all the latest gear for Rob and Romish.
36:12There goes the deposit.
36:15Oh, no.
36:19Careful.
36:20If you put your back out, that's the series over.
36:23Good bit of kit, though, isn't it?
36:32Stand by for the studs.
36:34It's Soccerade.
36:36Dermot and Alex have a lot to get through in just three hours, so they've rehearsed a tightly scripted opening
36:42link to set the scene and give out the charity details.
36:46I'd tell them to break a leg, but I'm not sure that's appropriate in football.
36:50Yeah, and Home of the Hammers, of course, yeah, they had Super Saturday, but we've got slightly suspect celebrity soccer
36:56skill Sunday.
36:57And look at them already wearing to go.
37:00The skills is happening.
37:02Oh, yeah.
37:03Please don't swear, please don't swear, please don't swear.
37:05And a blind eye.
37:07This is just the start of what you say.
37:13Turns out it wasn't the swearing you needed to worry about, Dermot.
37:2150,000 delirious fans, but I should say already delirious players.
37:27But this is going to be the biggest clash.
37:30So much for their slick start to the show.
37:33Will they ever finish their opening link?
37:37And that's where you come in.
37:41And finally the show can begin.
37:47Saudi Arabia, where fans are welcoming Ronaldo with open arms.
37:52Some critics are saying he's just there for the money, but Ronaldo is proud to play there.
37:57For Ronaldo, Saudi Arabia is a dream come true.
38:00So for me, it's not the end of my career to come to South Africa.
38:05South Africa?
38:06Cheers.
38:07Ronaldo, don't you know which country you're in?
38:10It's written on the wall behind you.
38:14The games, where a celebration by Max from The Wanted is about to lead to a very costly mistake for
38:22both him and the TV producers.
38:26Oh no, the competitors must exit at the back of the circle.
38:31It's a red flag. It won't count.
38:33It's all right.
38:34It's all right. I don't want that one anyway.
38:36Remember Max, the commentators don't make up the rules. Try not to hold a grudge.
38:42After a foul on his first attempt, Max really needs to score from this last throw.
38:49He's broken the microphone.
38:52I can think of some boy bands for which that would be a blessing.
38:57Ian Holloway is famous for being outspoken in the world of football.
39:01But if the press want to speak to him today, they might need to go into extra time.
39:08Sorry about that. That's a fine.
39:13It happens. Quickly hang up and they might let you off.
39:18Hello?
39:21Hello?
39:21Don't answer it.
39:23Yeah.
39:25You're keeping a whole room waiting.
39:28Edgar, I'm right in the middle of a mid-press, mate. Can I call you back after?
39:31Ian, have you heard of voicemail?
39:34OK. Sorry, mate. Yeah. Thank you. Bye.
39:39Edgar Davids.
39:42Sport is causing a bit of friction on Aussie Breakfast News.
39:46But if you are going to throw your co-stars under the bus, it's best to get your facts straight
39:52first.
39:53Can I also just bring your own home up to date that what you guys, what Carl and Alex got
39:59up to yesterday,
40:00because I assume we leave here in the morning and we all go home and we parent our children.
40:03No. It's what I do.
40:04It would seem, they did neither of those things yesterday,
40:08they were watching some footy game in America.
40:11The Rams and the San Francisco 69ers playing some rubbish games.
40:15The 49ers?
40:1740.
40:1949ers.
40:20That sounds much more interesting.
40:22Yes. A lot of people might pay the CD.
40:25They would.
40:26That's what we were doing.
40:28The 49ers.
40:29That's much harder to explain to your wife.
40:33Said like one who knows.
40:36The 49ers did win.
40:37Point was, you were watching football.
40:39No, the point's been made.
40:48You know what? Let's give away some cash.
40:50Why not? Woohoo!
40:51Cock-ups on daytime TV now.
40:54This Aussie breakfast show is giving away a huge cash prize to celebrate 10 years on the air.
41:01Unfortunately, it might also be their last day on the air.
41:05Hello.
41:06Is that Jai?
41:08Jai. Jai.
41:09It's going well so far.
41:11This is Melon Koshy from Sunrise.
41:14Would you like $10,000 on this Thursday morning?
41:17Are you fucking serious?
41:21No, we are.
41:22Some words that we would use, but we are very serious.
41:25We're deadly serious.
41:27It's a good job you are serious, because she's going to need a large wad of cash to put in
41:32the swear jar.
41:33I mean, sometimes the emotion overcomes you, doesn't it?
41:35It's just a bit of a surprise in the morning.
41:37Was a surprise for all of us.
41:39I know, I think she's been cut off.
41:41And if anyone was wondering whether we're live or not, we're live.
41:44All those people who ask, have you got a seven-second delay, the answer is no.
41:48Maybe it's time to get it.
41:52They're back from a break, but the breaks keep coming.
41:58Bea, you all right, Kate Garrowick?
42:00Someone's just broken something.
42:02Just bits of me are falling off. I'm nearly 50.
42:04It's actually bits of the sets are falling apart, unfortunately.
42:08Our cameraman just reversed into the set and has broken it.
42:11There's collateral damage there.
42:12This is what happens when Boris Johnson comes in the studio.
42:14We've had a huge...
42:16I don't think we can blame Boris for everything.
42:19Because Boris Johnson told this programme he...
42:21It's getting very controversial.
42:22The loose women are talking about cleaning.
42:25As if these ladies could keep anything clean.
42:29Regular, you regularly clean your light switches.
42:32If I'm cleaning around and cleaning the kitchen or the lounge, whatever,
42:35I'll always go over the lights.
42:37And what about the knobs?
42:38I always clean the knobs.
42:41Naughty.
42:42That's good.
42:44LAUGHTER
42:45And using bleach...
42:48LAUGHTER
42:49To remove my...
42:51Honestly, I've had a career in the national newspaper.
42:55Political pundit and newspaper columnist.
42:59And now I'm reduced to do something,
43:01putting bleach down the toilet.
43:03And whether...
43:04Colleen Coleshies...
43:06LAUGHTER
43:08Don't knock it, Janet.
43:10It's this kind of debate that regularly wins loose women and NTA.
43:15LAUGHTER
43:21Right, it's competition time.
43:23Andy is in Italy for us this morning.
43:26What are you going to put in people's coffers, Andy?
43:29Andy gets to go to some lovely places.
43:32But goodness knows how he manages to get to them without getting lost in the airport.
43:37It is a huge amount of money.
43:38And as the sun shines on me...
43:40I haven't even told you where I am.
43:41Behind me, that is the Palace de Castera.
43:44That's where I am right now.
43:46But are you?
43:46Royal Palace.
43:47Is that not their royal palace?
43:50Cassata.
43:50See, me and my producer, he speaks like six languages.
43:54I only speak good old South London.
43:56Cassata, Cassarera.
43:57That is the palace.
43:58Say it again, Adam.
44:00Cassata, there we are.
44:02Andy, you said so many different names.
44:05I don't know where you are.
44:07But that's fine, as I still don't think you know either.
44:11LAUGHTER
44:12I was thrilled when I heard Amanda Holden
44:15was going to interview astronaut Tim Peake,
44:17fresh from his time in orbit around the Earth.
44:20But what was her all-important first question going to be?
44:24A question that I would like to ask,
44:25and I don't know whether you'd be allowed to answer it, really,
44:28because it might be a naughty thing.
44:29When you went to the moon, did you take a piece of the moon
44:32and bring it back home with you?
44:33So I wasn't in the moon.
44:35I was in the space station.
44:36So you never got off?
44:37No, you never took...
44:37There was nothing floating about that you could steal.
44:40No, there's not much in space you can steal.
44:43And apparently there's no gift shop.
44:46I thought, what a wonderful idea.
44:48Sorry, Tim.
44:49It takes more than a few thousand orbits of the Earth
44:52to impress Amanda.
45:00A huge thank you to all the stars and production teams
45:04who shared their fantastic cock-ups with us tonight.
45:08It's only fair to end on one of mine,
45:10although it's not really my fault.
45:12Because remember, you'll take away whatever you win tonight.
45:15What are you giggling at?
45:17Someone's got some sweets.
45:21I was just wondering if we could all have one, you know?
45:24Yes, you can.
45:27And next.
45:31There you go.
45:33I can hear the rustling.
45:36Yes, I can hear it.
45:37As long as they're butting me off as well.
45:38Do you know what?
45:39Thank you very much.
45:40There you are.
45:41Thanks to all our stars and good night.
45:45Don't bring sweets into the studio.
45:48APPLAUSE
46:13And that's a great day.
46:14Thank you very much.
46:16I'm sorry.
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