00:01A few months ago, I bought myself a bird at the big pet store, and the salesman said,
00:09It's a budgie, my life. Me, I wasn't so sure. After six weeks of millet seed, it weighed
00:18nearer a ton than an ounce, and when it grabbed hold of me by both my lapels, it was me
00:24who
00:24started to bounce. I mean, all you could hear was this terrible row going on. Who's a pretty
00:31bird? Who's a pretty boy? And that was me, not the budgie. Oh, what a whopper he turned
00:43out to be, a ton of talons and claws. When his beak did strike, well, he looked just like
00:50a feathered version of Jaws. And then one day he got out of his cage, it's something
00:58I'll never forget. Cause four foreign agents hijacked him in mistake for a jumbo jet. He
01:08flew them all the way to Cuba. They were furious. They didn't want to go to Manchester. I thought
01:20perhaps he's a lonely bird, and he needs a birdie friend. And as Percy Edwards had migrated,
01:28I just had to pretend. So I put this great big bird suit on, and then everything went sort
01:35of blurred. And when I woke up, I was plucked and trussed like an open red bird. Brought tears
01:44to my eyes. Oh, what a whopper he turned out to be, like a Patrick Moore who can fly. Cause
01:54he'd sit there and he'd stare at me with one great big beady eye. I called the vet round to
02:02see him. The bird gave a happy call. He opened up his beak and he swallowed him up, and he
02:09sat there begging for more. I meant more. I mean, where was I going to get vets from at that
02:17time of night? But that big budgie, he had to go back to the man at the shop, who locked
02:27him
02:28into the garden shed. And he said, his tricks I'll stop. But that bird's tricks, they did
02:35not cease. In fact, that pet man taught him one more. Cause when he opened up his shed, the
02:41bird flew off with the pet man's mother-in-law. What a dirty trick. I mean, that poor bird.
02:55good riddance. I'm pleased to say that I won't be seeing him anymore.
03:05good luck.
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