- 2 days ago
Category
š¹
FunTranscript
00:01:00Give me England any time, my dear.
00:01:02Give me England any time of year.
00:01:05Come on, everybody, raise a cheer.
00:01:09Far and near for the birds and the birds now that summer's here.
00:01:14And when bazookas played, a Grecian serenade, we shed a tear in our beer for the price we paid.
00:01:25This ain't no place to be, complained old Timmy Lee.
00:01:31Ain't got no bingo, the lingo's all Greek to me.
00:01:35So give me England every time, my dear.
00:01:40Give me England any time of year.
00:01:43Come on, everybody, raise a cheer.
00:01:47Far and near for the birds and the boos now that summer's here.
00:01:53I'll never go again across the sunny Spain to serenade a seignore underneath her windowpane.
00:02:03Come on down here, my little flower.
00:02:04What a plover on the cost of proper.
00:02:09I didn't know the matador was her father.
00:02:13So give me England every time, my dear.
00:02:19Give me England any time of year.
00:02:22Come on, everybody, raise a cheer.
00:02:26Far and near for the birds and the boos now that summer's here.
00:02:34In 1970, we went to Italy to sample all the Deloitte's down in Napoli.
00:02:41Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
00:03:11up with a brilliant idea of reopening a holiday camp in march it was so cold the russians were
00:03:16trying to send political prisoners there and the wind oh you could hardly hear your teeth chatter
00:03:24oh this must be the life to me eh entertainment officers fun for all holiday camp can you think
00:03:33of a better position no sir there's no doubt about it timo this time i've really landed a
00:03:40thing clover you and i've got a brilliant brother-in-law yes it but listen uh shouldn't
00:03:47we think about laying on something relax will you relax the less we organize
00:03:56the less we've got to do we're on a cushy number here
00:04:00oh
00:04:06steady
00:04:08you nearly bruised his lips
00:04:10sorry
00:04:16hello
00:04:18lano's coming sit yeah that'll be the day what's up i don't know i don't know a rumor
00:04:24that fickle jade has it that the camp has been sold and you are wanted in the office immediately
00:04:30to uh
00:04:35oh
00:04:37hello campers don't forget to collect your packed lunches from the main restaurant for the magical
00:04:43mystery tour
00:04:46and
00:04:50hey mush where's noddy
00:04:52noddy
00:04:53yeah
00:04:54if by any chance you are referring to the previous owner mr nudgley may i inform you that
00:04:59he has already departed leaving you his best wishes
00:05:02and for your information i am not mush i am william whitebuck the new owner late but never in a
00:05:09temporal sense of her majesty's prison dart fleet what were you up for murder rape arson i was
00:05:19the chief warder lad and i had better warn you at the start of our relationship that i cannot
00:05:25abide whingers cringers whiners skivers malingerers or backsliders and i am fairly certain that you
00:05:30are in that list somewhere smile yourself up lad disgrace of the uniform get that scruffy vest off
00:05:34get a shirt on i am going to get a grip nugget yes hence forwards there are only going to be two
00:05:40ways of doing things my way and the wrong way anyone who does not play ball with me will have
00:05:46no balls with which to play is that clear oh yeah perfectly right now according to this you are the
00:05:51entertainment's officer yes that's right we'll outline your program lad hey oh come on come on
00:05:56lad well uh well we have the occasional sing-song you know when everybody's pissed i mean i had a few
00:06:05sing-song yes and then there's the clock golf and the donkey derby when we can get the donkeys of
00:06:12course and the fancy dress not very inspired is it nogget i think perhaps our parting of the ways
00:06:20had better come sooner rather than later and the beauty contest sir beauty contest hey tell me more
00:06:32nugget well uh well it's only in the early planning stages as it were so at the moment you see but
00:06:41i think it could be very big i think it's got enormous publicity value i hope so for your sake lad
00:06:52because if this beauty contest doesn't go off with a bang you will go out with a thud is that clear
00:06:57yes sir now then according to this you've got a an assistant called uh lee lee lee lee yes now where is
00:07:04he oh don't worry about him sir he's always on the job oh do not find it very easy oh oh it keeps
00:07:19slipping out slide it backwards oh it is easy for you oh do you not think maybe we should be
00:07:34looking after the guests i mean not at all we are the holiday hosts oh don't worry about them
00:07:40sid said they're much happier being left alone i'll bet you cannot get your balls in here
00:07:51pardon
00:07:55listen bridget don't be so ridiculous the idea of this game is to get your balls in the pocket
00:07:59oh that's such a silly game if you have to put the balls in the pockets why you need the table
00:08:08that's a good question
00:08:14i will show you mon petit well i won't show you mon petit but
00:08:17right nugget i want to call a meeting of all the holiday hosts i'm going to harangue the lot of them
00:08:27ah shall i bring a rope sir i said harangue not hang nugget no looking at you possibly yours is the
00:08:32better idea oh that's the billiard room sir it's a very popular recreational activity
00:08:49oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
00:08:57nogget i'm talking to you
00:08:58what exactly is going on in there nogget come out of the way and let me see
00:09:07ah bonjour ah bonjour very likely
00:09:12He's very good at it, isn't he?
00:09:20Lucky I got it in, eh?
00:09:22Ah, oui.
00:09:23Ah, oui, indeed.
00:09:25Let's see if I can get that big red one in.
00:09:29Mr. Noggett, I'm closing the door of the 23rd.
00:09:31Would you recommend...
00:09:33Oh, God!
00:09:35Sorry, Sid.
00:09:36Ah!
00:09:38Good morning!
00:09:40You all right, Sid?
00:09:41Of course I'm all right.
00:09:42Well, it's your face. It's, um...
00:09:46I'm smiling.
00:09:48The infant for all philosophy demands
00:09:50a warm and happy smile for everybody
00:09:54from morning until night,
00:09:56or 12 hours a day, if necessary.
00:09:58Aren't you going a bit too passive?
00:10:00You heard what White Monk said, didn't you?
00:10:02Flash your teeth, kid.
00:10:04The teeth!
00:10:05Right!
00:10:06Then you divide the camp into four suits.
00:10:09Get them to play games against each other
00:10:12until they are so knackered
00:10:15they don't want to complain about anything.
00:10:17Oh, my God.
00:10:19It's just going to be...
00:10:21It's just going to be all gone from here on in.
00:10:23How are we going to cope, Sid?
00:10:24Well, I don't know, do I?
00:10:25But we're going to.
00:10:26Because I'm not interested in failure, Timmer.
00:10:28Nor am I.
00:10:29But I'll tell you something.
00:10:30If I lose this job,
00:10:31our Rosie's never going to talk to me again.
00:10:33I mean, she went spare
00:10:34when the driving school went bust.
00:10:36Oh, she's coming down, isn't she, Sid?
00:10:38Don't show me.
00:10:39Here, and your mum, and your dad, and baby Jason.
00:10:42Oh, they chose the right time, didn't they?
00:10:45I'll tell you what, kid.
00:10:46I wouldn't even have invited them
00:10:48if I thought they were going to accept, would I?
00:10:50Don't you worry about a thing, Sidney.
00:10:52Oh, thank you.
00:10:53You can rely on me, mate.
00:10:58Oh, boy, have I heard that before.
00:11:00Listen, kid, all I want you to do
00:11:02is just concentrate on White Monk's beauty competition.
00:11:07Right.
00:11:08Beauty competition?
00:11:09That's a stupid idea, isn't it, Sid?
00:11:10Well, I mean, that's what I've been telling him, isn't it?
00:11:12But he's mad keen on the idea, kid.
00:11:15You get it?
00:11:16Yeah.
00:11:17Miss British Holiday Camps.
00:11:19Huh?
00:11:20Ā£500 first prize.
00:11:22Automatic entry to Miss Globe concerts in London.
00:11:24Well, he thinks it will get a lot of publicity.
00:11:26Yeah, just finalise the details.
00:11:28So what we've got to do, Sid,
00:11:29is get some cracking-looking birds, eh?
00:11:31You've got it.
00:11:32Exactly, kid.
00:11:33Now, listen, what I want you to do
00:11:34is take these forms...
00:11:36I said...
00:11:37...and get out and comb that camp for talent, kid.
00:11:40Yes, yes.
00:11:41You know what I mean?
00:11:42Yes, yes.
00:11:43The real talent, eh?
00:11:44Because if you and I don't come up with a bevy
00:11:46of fun for all beauties and make a success of this,
00:11:48you and me are for the chop.
00:11:53Oh.
00:11:54Got it?
00:11:55Yes.
00:11:56On your little bike.
00:11:57Chop, chop.
00:11:58Hey!
00:11:59You remember, will you?
00:12:01A lot of birds get carried away when there's 500 quid, it's sake, so...
00:12:04Please.
00:12:05Don't expose yourself to any temptation, sir.
00:12:07No, Sid.
00:12:08We don't want any embellishment like we had with, er...
00:12:11Bridget in the billiard room, now, do we?
00:12:13Huh?
00:12:14No, Sid.
00:12:15And remember what white monk said.
00:12:18No.
00:12:19An efficient camp is a happy prison!
00:12:26Oh, God, no.
00:12:28I'm in camp.
00:12:29Camp.
00:12:30I'm in camp.
00:12:31Camp.
00:12:32Yes, yes.
00:12:33What I want you to do is concentrate on the job in hand, right?
00:12:38And remember that white monk is watching your every move, kid.
00:12:46And Tim-o!
00:12:48What?
00:12:49Oh, God.
00:12:50Don't you remember?
00:12:52No.
00:12:53What?
00:12:54Smile!
00:12:56Yes!
00:12:58Oh, yes!
00:13:09Sid was clearly going bonkers.
00:13:11The rain must have rusted up the inside of his nut.
00:13:14Still, a natural sense of loyalty and stupidity sent me out with my sheaf of beauty contest entry forms.
00:13:20Look at them.
00:13:22Poor devils.
00:13:23They'd have been better off with anti-frostbite creep.
00:13:26Would you, er, like to, er, enter the beauty contest, madam?
00:13:29Oh, yes.
00:13:31Fill it in at your leisure.
00:13:35Morning!
00:13:36Beauty competition, madam?
00:13:38Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:13:41Ah, here's a right little cracker.
00:13:43Right.
00:13:44Switch on the old e-magnetism and in like Flynn.
00:13:49Oh!
00:13:50Excuse me, er, miss, have you, er...
00:13:55Have you, er, got our light, please?
00:13:57Ha, ha, ha.
00:13:58Oh, um, yes, I don't seem to have got my cigarettes with me.
00:14:05Ha, ha, ha.
00:14:06Silly me.
00:14:07Yes.
00:14:08Ah.
00:14:09Excuse me, sir.
00:14:11Excuse me, er, do you mind if I just help meself?
00:14:15No.
00:14:16Thanks very much.
00:14:17Oh!
00:14:18Oh!
00:14:19Oh!
00:14:20Oh!
00:14:21I'm sorry.
00:14:22I was just trying to, er...
00:14:23Oh!
00:14:24Get that back!
00:14:25Look, listen.
00:14:26Look, let me help.
00:14:27There we are.
00:14:28Just get them back there.
00:14:29Don't forget the camp motto.
00:14:30Smile.
00:14:31What's your game?
00:14:36I was, er, just trying to enter your wife for the, er...
00:14:41Oh!
00:14:42How dare you!
00:14:43No, no, no, look, listen.
00:14:44Let's, let's go and talk about this somewhere.
00:14:46Like, er, in, in the pool.
00:14:49Er, er, my best jacket.
00:14:52Look, hang on, I've got to...
00:14:53Ah!
00:14:54Blimey.
00:14:55When it said in the brochure that everything in the camp was thrown in,
00:14:58I didn't know it included me.
00:15:01Listen.
00:15:02Madam.
00:15:03I just wanted to get...
00:15:04Listen.
00:15:05Madam.
00:15:06I just wanted to get...
00:15:07Listen.
00:15:08Madam.
00:15:09I was just asking if you were...
00:15:10Hey, you!
00:15:11Go on.
00:15:12Off it.
00:15:13What would your mum say, eh?
00:15:25That is my mum!
00:15:27Oh.
00:15:29Oh.
00:15:44You doose!
00:15:46Dad! Dad!
00:15:48Midget! You little rat!
00:15:52Dad! Dad! That's it, mate. That's it.
00:15:55Dad!
00:15:56Ha!
00:15:59Lovely little chap, isn't he, eh?
00:16:00Go and find your mum.
00:16:01Yes, you go and find your mum.
00:16:04No! Listen! No! I'm off duty!
00:16:06I've got no time for a swim!
00:16:21I soon discovered what Sid meant by getting everybody too exhausted to complain.
00:16:24Most of them didn't know whether they were coming or going.
00:16:27And they were too knackered to do either.
00:16:29Hang on, see you go!
00:16:31I'm gonna leave you at lunch, eh?
00:16:33I'm gonna leave you at lunch, eh?
00:16:34I'm gonna leave you at lunch, eh?
00:16:35I'm gonna leave you at lunch, eh?
00:16:38Now behave yourselves, will you?
00:16:40Give over, will you? Please!
00:16:42Why don't you do something useful like bashing each other up?
00:16:47Yeah!
00:16:48And there'll be less of you at the end of the week. That's better!
00:16:51Look!
00:16:53Go and bash your guns up and...
00:16:55Go and play on the road outside. You'll enjoy it there. It's busy.
00:16:58How's it going, mate? All right?
00:17:00Oh!
00:17:01Dyer, if you'll pardon the expression, bolliful.
00:17:06Ever since that new fella took over, he's got me doing everything.
00:17:09I'm running up and down here like a blue fly.
00:17:11I'm on the gates one minute, I don't know where I'm up to.
00:17:15Come on!
00:17:16Give you give over, Kevin!
00:17:19Always.
00:17:20Stop it!
00:17:21It's not nice and it's not good for you!
00:17:24Just blow them up!
00:17:26That's that kid who put the piranha in the gorefish bun.
00:17:32Come along, come along, knees up!
00:17:34Knees up, everybody!
00:17:36What's going on?
00:17:37Oh, come along, kiddies, now!
00:17:39Come along!
00:17:40Come on!
00:17:41Down and smooth!
00:17:42Never mind, give me a winks!
00:17:44Never mind the whistle, please, Mr Rabbit.
00:17:46Now come along there, face me, please!
00:17:47Should have plenty of wind left now, so let's have the toes touch now!
00:17:54Mrs Hoskins obviously has a lot of wind left.
00:17:56Let's try out again.
00:17:57Toes down!
00:18:02There he is.
00:18:03Off you go, then.
00:18:05That's it.
00:18:06Oh!
00:18:07Oh, dear!
00:18:08Hello!
00:18:09What's your name?
00:18:10Sarah.
00:18:11Come on, Sarah.
00:18:12See you later.
00:18:13Bye!
00:18:14Lovely age, isn't it?
00:18:15Yes, lovely.
00:18:16Listen, I was wondering if you'd enter for the beauty contest at all.
00:18:20Me?
00:18:21I'm a married woman.
00:18:22Get away, you're not.
00:18:23Yes.
00:18:24You mean that little girl is yours?
00:18:25Yes.
00:18:26I thought she must be your kid sister or something.
00:18:27Oh, you're just saying that.
00:18:29No, I'm not.
00:18:30Listen, fill in one of these forms at your convenience.
00:18:32Well, it doesn't have to be your convenience anyway or two.
00:18:36Well, I don't know what my husband will say.
00:18:39I'll be proud of you, honest.
00:18:40Now listen, there's a rehearsal at the swimming pool, three o'clock.
00:18:43Now, don't forget, you'll be a sensation.
00:18:45Well, I'll, uh, have to think about it.
00:18:49See you Thursday.
00:18:51Mm.
00:18:52Bye.
00:18:53Hello, campers.
00:18:54I'm sorry, tonight's supper menu should read Plum Duck and not Duff Plum.
00:19:03You're a spade, aren't you?
00:19:04Oh, however did you get?
00:19:05Look, I hope you, uh, don't mind me saying this, uh, but I'd like to enter you.
00:19:10Oh.
00:19:11Uh, for the beauty contest, of course.
00:19:13Oh, you raise my hopes for a moment.
00:19:15You mean it doesn't matter about me being black?
00:19:18Oh, no, there's no colour bra.
00:19:20I mean, bar.
00:19:21No, you can be any creed, colour or sex.
00:19:23Oh.
00:19:24Now, I'm sure you've got to be a woman.
00:19:26Yeah, mind you, in your case, there's no problem, is there?
00:19:30Pleasure.
00:19:31Hi, holiday-maker.
00:19:32Can we have the finalists for the over-sixties netball competition?
00:19:36Oh, I want to see that.
00:19:38Look, I'll talk to you about the contest later.
00:19:46Oh, I can see what I mean now by racial tension.
00:19:57Oh, you'll be the fastest this week.
00:20:01There you go.
00:20:02Was that better?
00:20:03Oh, fantastic.
00:20:04Uh, listen, I'd like to, uh, I'd like to have a word in private with you about the beauty contest.
00:20:12I think you've got two outstanding chances.
00:20:16I was having trouble with a throttle.
00:20:18Oh, I know exactly how it felt.
00:20:22Listen there, let's, uh, meander over here.
00:20:25I'd like to fill you in on a few of the details.
00:20:28I think that you could well finish in the frame.
00:20:35Morning.
00:20:36Well, I was wondering how many lessons it would take.
00:20:39Oh.
00:20:40Hi, girls.
00:20:41I'm Timmy Lee.
00:20:42Do you want to enter the, uh...
00:20:43Oh.
00:20:44Oh, dear.
00:20:45Hello.
00:20:46I'm glad this is me friend, Reed.
00:20:47What do you want to ask us?
00:20:48I hope.
00:20:49No, uh...
00:20:50No, I was just wondering if you'd like to enter the, um, beauty contest.
00:20:56Oh, I don't know.
00:20:57What do you think, Reed?
00:20:58Well, we have to expose our bodies to scrutiny.
00:21:02Yes, I'm afraid there is that to it, yes.
00:21:03Leave us a couple of forms and I'll discuss it with my friends.
00:21:04Oh, right, there we go.
00:21:05Bill, can you draw off one of those?
00:21:08Drive?
00:21:09Me?
00:21:10Well, yes, I've, uh, done a bit, yes.
00:21:11It looks so dangerous.
00:21:12It looks so dangerous.
00:21:13It looks so dangerous.
00:21:14It looks so dangerous.
00:21:15It's a very dangerous contest.
00:21:16It's a very dangerous contest.
00:21:17Oh, I don't know.
00:21:18What do you think, Reed?
00:21:19Well, we have to expose our bodies to scrutiny.
00:21:20Yes, I'm afraid there is that to it, yes.
00:21:21Leave us a couple of forms and I'll discuss it with my friends.
00:21:22Oh, right, there we go.
00:21:23Well, you draw off one of those.
00:21:25Drive?
00:21:26Me?
00:21:27Well, yes, I've, uh, done a bit, yes.
00:21:30It looks so dangerous.
00:21:32No, no, there's nothing to it, really.
00:21:35Listen, I'll show you.
00:21:36Cough all of these, right.
00:21:38Out of the way.
00:21:39Right.
00:21:40Hooray!
00:21:42Hooray!
00:21:43Hooray!
00:21:44Hooray!
00:21:45Hooray!
00:21:46Hooray!
00:21:47Hooray!
00:21:48Hooray!
00:21:50Hooray!
00:21:51Hooray!
00:21:52Hooray!
00:21:53Hooray!
00:21:54Hooray!
00:21:55Hooray!
00:22:15Now, let me take you round the curves.
00:22:22What the hell was that?
00:22:30You bastard!
00:22:32I'll pretty well kill you for this, I'm telling you.
00:22:34I love you, you little git!
00:22:35Drown, you git! Drown! See if I care!
00:22:39Don't forget, this evening at the Hippodrome,
00:22:41it's Monty, Raver and the Harmonica ruffians,
00:22:44plus the sweet country sound of biff and scratch.
00:22:49And still the rain came down.
00:22:51Not that I noticed it any more.
00:22:53I dressed under the shower just to feel normal.
00:22:55It wasn't much fun for the kids, either.
00:22:56Some of them were developing webbed feet.
00:22:58Still, there's no good moaning.
00:23:00Like Sid says, you've got to keep a bright smile on your face.
00:23:04Oh, blimey! White Monk!
00:23:06I think I'll squat this one out for a few minutes.
00:23:08There's something about that bloke that gives me the creeps,
00:23:10and creeps is the right word.
00:23:12I always get a nasty feeling that he may be creeping up behind me.
00:23:17Lee!
00:23:19My all-seeing eye is ever upon you, sunshine.
00:23:23Your face is the essence of depravity, as is your modus operandi.
00:23:27Oh, thank you very much, sir.
00:23:29And this beauty contest idea of yours had better work out,
00:23:32otherwise you and your friend Nogget are going to be off this camp so fast,
00:23:35your plimsolls will leave scorched rubber marks.
00:23:38Right. We're right on top of it, sir.
00:23:40And always remember, I do not like layabouts, laggards, loafers or lechers.
00:23:55Oh, come on, here we are.
00:23:56Come on, don't mess up her.
00:23:58Come on, don't mess up her.
00:23:59These are heavy.
00:24:00Heavy, heavy.
00:24:01Come on, good.
00:24:02Oh.
00:24:03Oh.
00:24:04Oh.
00:24:05Funny smell.
00:24:06It's probably Jason.
00:24:07It's not.
00:24:08No, it's not.
00:24:09It's the ozo.
00:24:10The what?
00:24:11Ozo.
00:24:12Slip it up.
00:24:13Cool.
00:24:14I see what you mean.
00:24:15Yeah, good, innit?
00:24:16Yes.
00:24:17He gets right down.
00:24:18Get out of here.
00:24:19Love, love, love, love, love.
00:24:20I'll go.
00:24:21I'll go in.
00:24:22I'll go in.
00:24:23I'll go in.
00:24:24I'll go in.
00:24:25That's good, huh?
00:24:26I'll find the car.
00:24:27He's full of the holiday spirit, ain't he?
00:24:29Not now.
00:24:30He ain't, love.
00:24:31Look, Jason.
00:24:33Oh, wow.
00:24:34He has said something about some transport.
00:24:36Jason.
00:24:37Well, I don't know.
00:24:38He's probably got a lot on his mind, love.
00:24:39Where's that car, then?
00:24:42Here, mate.
00:24:43This is it.
00:24:44This is it.
00:24:45This is it.
00:24:48Oi.
00:24:49Hey.
00:24:50This is it.
00:24:51This is over here.
00:24:56Oh, look.
00:24:58Oh.
00:24:59Oh, it's there for us.
00:25:00Yeah.
00:25:01Been all right, innit?
00:25:02Wow.
00:25:03That's it.
00:25:04That's it.
00:25:05He's done something right for a change.
00:25:06Oh, lovely.
00:25:09Come on.
00:25:10I'll pass down the car inside, please.
00:25:12Wait a minute.
00:25:13Come on.
00:25:14Get in.
00:25:15What is going on?
00:25:16Get in with all these soup places.
00:25:17Wait a minute.
00:25:18Here comes pan's people.
00:25:19Oh, that's her.
00:25:20Come on, love.
00:25:21Oh, get in your village.
00:25:23Come on.
00:25:24Come on.
00:25:25Come on.
00:25:26Give me none of them, girl.
00:25:27Go on.
00:25:28In you get.
00:25:29All right, governor.
00:25:30You're doing all right, two of them.
00:25:31Hello.
00:25:32Come on, girl.
00:25:33Come on.
00:25:34Here.
00:25:35Left your bees at home, have you?
00:25:38Come on, darling.
00:25:39That'll be good.
00:25:40Right.
00:25:41This is the first time I've been to one of these.
00:25:44Oh, well, don't cry, love.
00:25:46It can't rain all the time.
00:25:47Well, even if it does, mum, there'll be plenty of things to do.
00:25:50Oh, yeah.
00:25:51Here.
00:25:52Why don't we have a nice little sing song?
00:25:54All right.
00:25:55All right.
00:25:56How about then?
00:25:57My old man stood full over the van and a dilly-dally on the way.
00:26:05Oh, you're pretty.
00:26:06All for the van with me and back to me.
00:26:10I went down with me all.
00:26:13I'm falling.
00:26:14And a dilly.
00:26:15A dilly.
00:26:16A dilly.
00:26:17A dilly.
00:26:18A dilly.
00:26:19Lost me by and done our way to Rome.
00:26:22Come on.
00:26:23Here he comes.
00:26:24I've just way Ranked up To a special, ugly old-time copper.
00:26:27When you can't find your way I hope in your river my....
00:26:29My old man said follow the band.
00:26:36entspreched down dilly-dally on the way.
00:26:39All right, do you think?
00:26:40All, way to my with me out pec
00:26:41All, of the iron.
00:26:44All, for the iron.
00:26:46Oh, no!
00:27:09I think that bloody waitress has emigrated.
00:27:12You wait till I get my hands on that Sidney.
00:27:14We're dying out of nutrition here before we're finished.
00:27:16I'm not kidding. I'm starving. I've eaten a bloody horse.
00:27:18Ooh, that food looks nice.
00:27:21You probably will eat horse here.
00:27:23Any chance of getting served in the next 12 months?
00:27:26A bit marvellous, eh?
00:27:28It's about an hour.
00:27:29Walter!
00:27:30And watch your manners here. Use your serviette.
00:27:33Hey, serviette.
00:27:37Dang it!
00:27:38Walter!
00:27:40Hello, Campos!
00:27:42Hello, he's a bit vice versa.
00:27:44Now, come along. You can be much better than that.
00:27:46Hello, Campos!
00:27:47Hello, Campos!
00:27:49Oh, isn't that nice?
00:27:52Well, now, I don't want to impede the passage of your delicious dindins,
00:27:56but now's the time for the mealtime marathon.
00:27:58Who's going to try and beat the record today, I wonder?
00:28:01Is it going to be the hearts, the spades, the clubs, or the diamonds?
00:28:06I wonder if there's only one way to find out, isn't there?
00:28:08We always find out the same way.
00:28:09Eyes closed.
00:28:10Aim and...
00:28:12Come on!
00:28:13Come on!
00:28:14Come on!
00:28:15Come on!
00:28:16Come on!
00:28:17Come on!
00:28:18Come on!
00:28:19Come on!
00:28:20Come on!
00:28:21Come on!
00:28:22Come on!
00:28:23Come on!
00:28:24Come on!
00:28:25Come on!
00:28:26Come on!
00:28:27Have you come!
00:28:28How's the stance?
00:28:29Oh, yes!
00:28:30You better put that in the oven.
00:28:31Come along, lads.
00:28:33Oh, there you go.
00:28:35Oh, there you go.
00:28:37I'm going to put you in.
00:28:41Very nice, yes.
00:28:43Time for one.
00:28:45There you go.
00:28:49I don't know how that goes on.
00:28:51Hooray!
00:28:59Oh, only another 15 miles
00:29:01before 7 o'clock, and you'll put clubs in the lead.
00:29:03Yes! Well done. I'll keep an eye on you.
00:29:09Oh, I love sitting down to a nice cold plate.
00:29:27And desist.
00:29:29That's top to you, dear.
00:29:31Well, now, let's see how you got on, shall we?
00:29:33Yes.
00:29:35Oh, you're never going to believe this.
00:29:37You're never going to believe this.
00:29:39You missed it by 300 yards.
00:29:41Never mind. Very well done, wasn't it?
00:29:43Now, come along. Let's have a big handy-pandy, please, dear.
00:29:45What was your name again?
00:29:47Mr. Watton.
00:29:49Oh, no, my big handy-pandy.
00:29:51How about a bit of mush?
00:29:53I haven't had nothing yet.
00:29:55I'm sorry. We don't serve meals after 7 o'clock.
00:29:577 o'clock?
00:29:59Bloody marvellous, isn't it?
00:30:01I'm going to have a drink.
00:30:03No, you're not. The bar's closed.
00:30:05Oh, God. What a light holiday this is.
00:30:07It says here any holiday host who gets involved with a guest will be dismissed forthwith, if not quicker.
00:30:25Oh, hello.
00:30:27I'm a bit busy at the moment. I'm reading a book.
00:30:37I want to fill out a form.
00:30:40Well, looks like you already have.
00:30:42No, seriously, you can't be here, you see.
00:30:45Mr. Whitebunk will do his nut.
00:30:48But he's not here.
00:30:50Is he?
00:30:52No. No, he's not.
00:30:54It's just you and me.
00:30:59Yes, I suppose it is. Yes.
00:31:02I bet you've got a fantastic sense of rhythm.
00:31:05Well...
00:31:06How about you and me having a little shuffle and getting to know each other better?
00:31:13Well, um, just a tiny one.
00:31:17Then you really must go, cos, um, I want to press my blazer.
00:31:21It might even be better with music.
00:31:26Yes, it might be.
00:31:27Oh!
00:31:28Sorry.
00:31:32Here we go.
00:31:44Oh, that's the rhythm honker. Oh, this is the stuff.
00:31:47Mm.
00:31:48Mm.
00:31:52Five hundred pounds.
00:31:54You and I could come to, er, interesting split.
00:31:58Oh, listen, er, if you think you can get round me with sex, you may as well...
00:32:04Ah.
00:32:06You're right.
00:32:07Oh, lordy.
00:32:08I always wondered if it was true what they said about you white boys.
00:32:13Oh!
00:32:14Oh!
00:32:15Oh!
00:32:16Oh!
00:32:17Oh!
00:32:18Oh!
00:32:19Oh!
00:32:20Oh!
00:32:21Oh!
00:32:22Oh!
00:32:23Oh!
00:32:24Oh!
00:32:25Oh!
00:32:26Oh!
00:32:27Oh!
00:32:28Oh!
00:32:29Oh!
00:32:30Oh!
00:32:31Oh!
00:32:32Oh!
00:32:33Oh!
00:32:34Oh!
00:32:35Oh!
00:32:36Oh!
00:32:37Oh!
00:32:39Oh!
00:32:40Oh!
00:32:42Oh!
00:32:45Oh!
00:32:46Oh, stop, honey.
00:32:47I'm going into orbit.
00:32:48Oh!
00:32:49Oh, yes, pal!
00:32:53Oh!
00:32:54Oh!
00:32:56Oh!
00:32:57Oh!
00:32:58Oh!
00:32:59Oh!
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:01Oh!
00:33:02Oh!
00:33:03Oh!
00:33:04Oh!
00:33:05Oh!
00:33:06Oh!
00:33:07Oh!
00:33:09Oh!
00:33:11Oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
00:33:14Oh!
00:33:16Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!
00:33:19Hey, hey.
00:33:21Gee, there.
00:33:22Hey.
00:33:24I reckon he's got a bird in there.
00:33:27Filthy little swine.
00:33:30Ooh! Ooh!
00:33:32Oh.
00:33:34He ain't half giving up.
00:33:37Oh.
00:33:39Oh.
00:33:52Sage!
00:33:53What's the matter with you?
00:33:54I've got headache.
00:33:55Oh, you've always got a bleeding letter. You have...
00:33:59Shut up, will ya?
00:34:02Oh!
00:34:05Phew. Talk about doing the black bottom.
00:34:08It was more like going 15 rounds with Muhammad Ali.
00:34:10And losing every one of them.
00:34:12Took me 10 minutes to get me pyjamas on.
00:34:14As it was a need to bothered.
00:34:18Oh, no.
00:34:20I suppose it's about a beauty contest.
00:34:23Yeah.
00:34:24I'd, er...
00:34:25I'd like you to scrutinize me.
00:34:27Oh.
00:34:28Sounds very interesting, but I can't.
00:34:29Er, anyways, where's your friend?
00:34:30Oh, she's waiting in the alley bar, the pally.
00:34:31Good.
00:34:32Why don't you, er, come in?
00:34:33I'll, er, get you an entry form and, er, you can fill it in.
00:34:35Oh!
00:34:36Oh, God!
00:34:37Must be seen.
00:34:38Blimey!
00:34:39Oh!
00:34:40Oh!
00:34:41Keep me late
00:34:42See you.
00:34:43There's no laundry.
00:34:44I can't, I can't.
00:34:45Er, anyways, where's your friend?
00:34:46Oh, she's waiting in the alley bar, the pally.
00:34:48Good.
00:34:49Why don't you, er, come in?
00:34:51I'll, er, get you an entry form and, er, you can fill it in.
00:34:57Oh!
00:35:01Oh, God.
00:35:03Must be seen.
00:35:05Blimey!
00:35:13Hello, love.
00:35:15Sorry to be so late, but I brought these nice woolly vests for you.
00:35:19You know, it can get very parky down here.
00:35:21Shall I put them in the cupboard for you, love?
00:35:23No!
00:35:27Oh, no.
00:35:29Don't stick it in there, please.
00:35:31He's still at us.
00:35:33I mean, it's too small.
00:35:35Oh, this is so much.
00:35:37Oh, bloody oven.
00:35:39Bloody oven, huh?
00:35:45Come on, I know you're gonna open it there!
00:35:47Open it, you!
00:35:49Sidney! What on earth are you doing here?
00:35:51Don't you know people are trying to get to sleep?
00:35:53What else Rose are gonna think about it?
00:35:55Come on, back to your shelly at once.
00:35:57You'll catch a death of cold out here like this.
00:35:59I don't know what you're thinking of.
00:36:01I'm sure I'm done.
00:36:05Oh!
00:36:07What are you doing?
00:36:09I wanna show you me costume.
00:36:11Ring thinks it goes a bit too far.
00:36:15Oh, does she?
00:36:17I'd do anything to come somewhere.
00:36:21Oh.
00:36:29Oh!
00:36:31Sid!
00:36:32Now, let's get down.
00:36:43What are you doing?
00:36:44I mean, please.
00:36:45Shh.
00:36:51Come on.
00:36:52I'm gonna blow my bolts. Come on, now.
00:36:54Let me see you.
00:36:55Oh.
00:36:56Um.
00:36:57Um.
00:36:58Um.
00:36:59If you place me, I'll place you.
00:37:00Oh.
00:37:01That's very kind of you.
00:37:02But, um, I'm afraid I'll, uh,
00:37:03a little bit busy at the moment.
00:37:04All right.
00:37:05Where are you going?
00:37:06Uh.
00:37:07Err.
00:37:08Oh!
00:37:09Ah!
00:37:10Ugh!
00:37:11Ah!
00:37:12Oh!
00:37:13Ahh!
00:37:16Oh!
00:37:18I'm uh...
00:37:19Oh!
00:37:20unos!
00:37:22Oh.
00:37:23Oh!
00:37:25Oh!
00:37:26Oh!
00:37:27I riding...
00:37:29Oh!
00:37:30Oh!
00:37:31Oh!
00:37:32Oh!
00:37:34Whoa!
00:37:35Turn it out...
00:37:36Oh, the filthy pervert.
00:37:41Oh, stoned man.
00:37:43Hey, get off us, will you?
00:37:45Hey, leave us alone.
00:37:46Hey, leave me alone, you.
00:37:47I'm a married man.
00:37:48I'm not bent.
00:37:49Oh.
00:37:50Ah.
00:37:51Ah.
00:37:52Ah.
00:37:53Ah.
00:37:54Ah.
00:37:55Ah.
00:37:56Ah.
00:37:57Ah.
00:37:58Ah.
00:37:59Ah.
00:38:00Ah.
00:38:01Ah.
00:38:02Ah.
00:38:03Ah.
00:38:04Ah.
00:38:05Ah.
00:38:05Good morning, campers.
00:38:06Wakey, wakey.
00:38:07We welcome you to another bright, sunny day of happiness and good cheer.
00:38:19No, Daddy.
00:38:20Feel right.
00:38:21Come on, Walter.
00:38:22Look, here's a nice place.
00:38:23Hey, what?
00:38:24It's my shoes.
00:38:25I can't hurry up with these.
00:38:26Well, you shouldn't wear bloody old shoes on us, then.
00:38:28Oh, no.
00:38:29Well, I didn't know, did I?
00:38:30Oh.
00:38:31Where's Jason?
00:38:32Could've stopped and had a game of bingo.
00:38:33Would've been better than this.
00:38:35You'd call this a beach.
00:38:36I was over there.
00:38:37It's all right.
00:38:38Here, Dad.
00:38:39Can you put this up?
00:38:40Here.
00:38:41Oh, he's all right.
00:38:42He's playing with that little boy.
00:38:43Yeah.
00:38:44Now, let your mother have a go.
00:38:45Here, put that up.
00:38:46Mum can't do it.
00:38:47You can't do it.
00:38:48Stop messing about.
00:38:49Everyone's lucky.
00:38:50No, I can't do it.
00:38:51He got it.
00:38:52Oh.
00:38:53He should've saved it.
00:38:54He should've saved it at the pub.
00:38:55He should've.
00:38:56And the fun and an honoured he is.
00:38:57Oh.
00:38:58Oh.
00:38:59Where's this thing, girl?
00:39:00Here you are, Mum.
00:39:01I've done that one.
00:39:02You can sit in there.
00:39:03Lovely.
00:39:04All right?
00:39:05Make yourself comfortable.
00:39:06Want your bag?
00:39:07Here you are, then.
00:39:09Attention, please.
00:39:10I'm afraid if campus continues to use toilet rolls and streamers, we shall have to install
00:39:16streamers in the toilets.
00:39:39Oh.
00:39:40Oh.
00:39:41Oh, I did have a nice sitting there.
00:39:42What a nice cup of tea, Walter.
00:39:43Oh.
00:39:44Oh, I did have a nice sitting there.
00:39:45What a nice cup of tea, Walter.
00:39:46Walter.
00:39:47Walter.
00:39:48Oh, my god, he's buried him.
00:39:49This kid's buried, and the dead, he's buried.
00:39:52Yeah.
00:39:53Oh.
00:39:54There he is.
00:39:55Oh.
00:39:56Oh.
00:39:57Oh, I did have a nice sitting there.
00:39:58What a nice cup of tea, Walter.
00:39:59Walter.
00:40:00Walter.
00:40:01Oh, my god, he's buried him.
00:40:02Whoa.
00:40:03This kid's buried him.
00:40:04He has some water.
00:40:05Oh.
00:40:06Where the right.
00:40:07Mm-hmm.
00:40:08Oh, my God, it's buried him.
00:40:09Ah, well, this kid's buried her dad.
00:40:11There's no one than a rabbit hole.
00:40:12It's buried him.
00:40:13Oh, my God.
00:40:14Oh, my god, there's buried him.
00:40:15Oh, my God.
00:40:16Come on, hold his hand!
00:40:18Oh, Mum!
00:40:19Oh, my God!
00:40:21That's it! It's terrible!
00:40:23Oh, my God!
00:40:25What are you two doing?
00:40:27What are we doing? We're trying to rescue me husband!
00:40:29He's under here!
00:40:31What are you talking about?
00:40:33What?
00:40:34Eh?
00:40:36He's there!
00:40:37Oh, Dad!
00:40:38Living ungrateful!
00:40:40We've been trying to save your life, weren't we?
00:40:42You're going to miss your fright?
00:40:44All right, no need to get excited!
00:40:46Oh, come on!
00:40:47Blimey, getting worked up like that!
00:40:49Pardon me!
00:40:50Hey, where the hell's my wallet?
00:40:51Oh, I don't know where your wallet is!
00:40:52Well, it was any of you woman forgot!
00:40:54I bet that little son's buried it!
00:40:56Get off out of it before I kick you up the arse!
00:40:58Go on! Get off out of it!
00:40:59Before I get...
00:41:06Right!
00:41:08Roy!
00:41:09What do you think you're doing?
00:41:10I'm looking for my bloody wallet!
00:41:12Yeah, well, be more bloody careful!
00:41:14You bloody swear at me, mate!
00:41:15No, no, no!
00:41:16Give order!
00:41:17Let's not let any unpleasantness matter our holiday happiness!
00:41:21Yeah, tell him to keep his nose out of my bloody affairs!
00:41:23Yeah, well, I won't forget!
00:41:24No, elephants rarely do, do they, mate?
00:41:26That's not a very nice attitude!
00:41:29What's it got to do with you? Get back to your ice cream van?
00:41:31Eh?
00:41:32I'll have you know that you're in the presence of a judo expert!
00:41:35You what?
00:41:36I'm a third dam!
00:41:38Oh, yeah?
00:41:39Don't bother me, mate!
00:41:40I'm not interested in anybody who came third!
00:41:41First or second, that's me, mate!
00:41:42Don't you bother me!
00:41:43Oh, wait till I get started on you!
00:41:44You are asking for bother!
00:41:46Oh, yeah?
00:41:47And bother you will get!
00:41:48So, come on, let's have you, sunshine!
00:41:49I've got a bionic finger here!
00:41:51Hey!
00:41:52I once spoke to Brian London!
00:41:53Died!
00:41:54And I've seen photographs of Mohammed Ali!
00:41:56I've got you worried now!
00:41:58Come on, come on!
00:41:59I've got you!
00:42:00Stop it!
00:42:01When I get my second wind, there'll be murder here!
00:42:03Hey!
00:42:04What?
00:42:05The pubs are open!
00:42:06Are they?
00:42:07Yes!
00:42:08So we're going to draw?
00:42:09Yes, let's go and have a pint!
00:42:11Here, come on!
00:42:12Did you do a bit in the army, did you?
00:42:14Yeah, I fought with the battalion!
00:42:16Did you? What were you in?
00:42:17Catering corps!
00:42:18Did you know Harry Harper?
00:42:20Was he in the catching corps?
00:42:21He was in the army!
00:42:22So, ladies and gentlemen, to continue with our bi-weekly progress report and self-evaluation session,
00:42:30I am happy to say that the increased emphasis on competition is paying dividends.
00:42:35The whole spirit of the camp is now bursting with a newfound vim, vigor, verve, and dynamism.
00:42:44A dynamism, however, which must be reciprocated in your own efforts, and anyone who does not measure up to standard, will be removed without qualm or quibble.
00:42:59Which brings me to you, Noggett and Lee.
00:43:03I have read your recommendations for the beauty contest, and in the main, I agree.
00:43:09However, I think we need another dimension.
00:43:13There are other aspects of feminine merit, which deserve a chance of a reward.
00:43:18Such things as the intelligence, sunny disposition, talent, thoughtfulness.
00:43:24Yes.
00:43:26Talent, intelligence, thoughtfulness, and a sunny disposition.
00:43:35This is what our beauty queen will have.
00:43:38Eh?
00:43:41On the other hand, we could have a baking contest.
00:43:45Right.
00:43:46Now, look.
00:43:47Let's get this beauty contest tied up.
00:43:49I want all the cakes on tables all round the hall.
00:43:51And I think we'll have the rostrum at the other...
00:43:54Hey, you.
00:43:55You!
00:43:56What's up with you?
00:43:57I was just looking out for White Monk.
00:43:58What for?
00:43:59Well, he's always creeping out behind you.
00:44:00He's not the only one.
00:44:02Now, listen.
00:44:03Go down to the kitchen staff and tell them we want...
00:44:06Go down to the kitchen staff and tell them we want a dozen folding tables.
00:44:09And while you're down there, make sure there's enough charcoal for the sauna.
00:44:13Right's it.
00:44:14Good.
00:44:15Smile.
00:44:16Huh?
00:44:22So there I was, tripping on my merry little way again.
00:44:25I had a definite feeling that things were on the up and up.
00:44:28The rain was getting warmer, and the wind had dropped below gale force for the first time in weeks.
00:44:32Everything in the garden was lovely.
00:44:35Except for the flowers.
00:44:36They'd all been nicked.
00:44:37Okay,
00:44:43uh,
00:44:46Oh!
00:44:47Jesus.
00:44:52Oh, Blimey.
00:45:12Oh, Blimey.
00:45:16Oh, Blimey.
00:45:21Oh, I didn't know it was a mixed soda today.
00:45:25Well, no, it's not.
00:45:27You see, I've just got a bit of knob trouble.
00:45:30What?
00:45:31Oh, I couldn't get the thing on the, uh, thing.
00:45:34Oh, don't worry about that.
00:45:37Hmm.
00:45:38I expect the heat will soon loosen that up.
00:45:41Yes, I expect it will.
00:45:43It is hot in here, isn't it?
00:45:46Oh, yes.
00:45:47Especially with all those clothes on.
00:45:50Yes.
00:45:51Why don't you take them off?
00:45:55Take them off?
00:45:57Well, you do look a bit strange in a sonar with all your clothes on.
00:46:01Oh, yes, yes.
00:46:02I suppose you're right.
00:46:04We, uh, don't want anybody to get the wrong idea, do we?
00:46:08No.
00:46:09Ah, Miss Dubois.
00:46:12With a bound.
00:46:13With a bound what, Monsieur Whitmonk?
00:46:17Oh, I see.
00:46:18My, uh, my question has outstripped your rudimentary knowledge of our language.
00:46:22Bloody frog.
00:46:23Pardon?
00:46:24No, I was wondering where you were going.
00:46:26Perhaps you would care to accompany me on my rounds.
00:46:29Never forget, Miss Dubois.
00:46:31Surveillance is the watchdog of efficiency.
00:46:35I'm, uh, sorry about Thursday.
00:46:38Um, what come up?
00:46:41Thursday?
00:46:42Yes, the beauty contest rehearsal.
00:46:44You asked me to enter.
00:46:46Don't you remember?
00:46:47Oh, yes, of course.
00:46:48I just don't recognise you without your, um, uh, make-up up.
00:46:52Oh, my husband wouldn't let me enter.
00:46:55He said I was too fat.
00:46:58That's why I'm here, actually.
00:47:00Too fat?
00:47:02You must be around the twist.
00:47:04You're...
00:47:06Oh, no.
00:47:08Sorry.
00:47:09You're very, very desiring.
00:47:11Oh.
00:47:12Do you really think so?
00:47:13Oh, yes.
00:47:14In fact, if I wasn't so busy...
00:47:16Yes.
00:47:17...we'd do something about it.
00:47:19Mmm.
00:47:20Mmm.
00:47:21Mmm.
00:47:22Mmm.
00:47:23Mmm.
00:47:24Mmm.
00:47:25Mmm.
00:47:26Panny credits, the lovely glass.
00:47:28And the...
00:47:29Oh, just about a disaster there, sir.
00:47:31I'm just getting ready for the cookery classes.
00:47:33Marvellous idea, that of yours, sir, about the baking contest.
00:47:36Funny thing is, I was thinking on something on the same lines myself.
00:47:40The thought does your credit, Lionel.
00:47:42Oh, thank you, sir. I do love a boost.
00:47:44Well, I'd better go and stick my buns in the oven.
00:47:47Ta-ra.
00:47:48Ta-ra-de-da.
00:47:49La-de-da-da.
00:47:51I wonder if he's got it in him.
00:47:53I would be very surprised.
00:47:55He couldn't make a worse entertainments officer than Noggett or Lee.
00:47:59Oh, I need a soda.
00:48:00Oh, my God.
00:48:01Oh.
00:48:02I must get one of these in stools and I get over them.
00:48:05Oh.
00:48:06Oh.
00:48:07Oh.
00:48:08Oh.
00:48:09Oh.
00:48:10Oh.
00:48:11A musk.
00:48:12One of these in stools and I get over them.
00:48:13Oh.
00:48:14Oh.
00:48:15Really?
00:48:16Oh.
00:48:17I need a sonar.
00:48:19She needs a sonar.
00:48:28I think I come speak with some authority.
00:48:30I did once make a day trip to Cali and...
00:48:37A streaker.
00:48:42Pardon?
00:48:43Oh, a streaker.
00:48:47Oh, a streaker?
00:48:53That's what I bleedin' said.
00:48:56As if we haven't got enough problems.
00:48:58Now we've got some bloody streaker runnin' round the place.
00:49:01Oh, yes, sir.
00:49:06Siddha, this is packed up.
00:49:09Look, it's broken.
00:49:10Oh, God blimey.
00:49:12There's no peace, is there, eh?
00:49:13Can't you see I'm tryin' to do me relaxation yoga?
00:49:16Eh?
00:49:17Oh, give it in, will ya?
00:49:19Family keepin' out of trouble, are they?
00:49:21Oh, yes, Sid.
00:49:22Huh?
00:49:23They're knackered, actually.
00:49:24Good.
00:49:25Guess where they've gone this afternoon?
00:49:26Go on.
00:49:27He's teaching them how to make fairy cakes.
00:49:29Yeah?
00:49:30Well, nobody could be better equipped for the task, could they?
00:49:31Look.
00:49:34Try and be a bit more practical, will ya?
00:49:36Come on.
00:49:37Yes, Sid.
00:49:38You'll lie on me.
00:49:39Ah!
00:49:40You bloody fool!
00:49:42Practical.
00:49:43Then something amazing happened.
00:49:46The sun came out.
00:49:48Some of the staff had only been at the camp a few years and never seen it.
00:49:52Sid, of course, suggested charging it as an extra,
00:49:54but he settled for renting out sunglasses and deck chairs instead.
00:49:57I was just happy to be copping a spot of the ultraviolet rather than the ultraviolence.
00:50:01Ah.
00:50:02Morning.
00:50:03Oh, the sun brought out the crumpet, all right,
00:50:06but it also meant that I had to get all the beach toys ready.
00:50:09And Sid was thinking of charging for them, too.
00:50:13Attention, please.
00:50:14Again, I apologise.
00:50:15There is a printing error on tonight's supper menu.
00:50:18It should read, Toad, in the hole.
00:50:25Timmy?
00:50:27Oh, hi.
00:50:30Er, you seem to be, er...
00:50:32Are you saying, Percy?
00:50:34No, I was just thinking.
00:50:39I have been thinking, too.
00:50:41Oh.
00:50:42Timmy?
00:50:44I have to have it out with you.
00:50:46Oh, yes.
00:50:47It was you streaking round the camp, wasn't it?
00:50:50No.
00:50:51I recognised you?
00:50:52No, I wasn't actually streaking.
00:50:53What has happened to the Timmy?
00:50:54I used to know.
00:50:55Nothing.
00:50:56Have you become so blasƩ about sex that you have to resort to that?
00:51:01Oh, of course not, but, er...
00:51:03Oh, it is so sad, Timmy.
00:51:05You know that the real thing is much, much better.
00:51:10Well, of course I know that, did you?
00:51:11Let me remind you.
00:51:13Oh.
00:51:14Um...
00:51:15Oh.
00:51:29What is the problem?
00:51:31Ah, you've been serving lolly ices, haven't you?
00:51:35No.
00:51:36Do not worry.
00:51:37I will sooner warm him up.
00:51:39Oh, good Eve.
00:51:41Mm.
00:51:42Mm.
00:51:43Mm.
00:51:44Mm.
00:51:45Mm.
00:51:46Mm.
00:51:47Mm.
00:51:48Mm.
00:51:49Mm.
00:51:50Mm.
00:51:51Mm.
00:51:52Mm.
00:51:53Mm.
00:51:54Hold on, Nogget.
00:51:55Yes, sir.
00:51:56Sit down.
00:51:57Two beers, please, miss.
00:51:58All right.
00:51:59Now then, Nogget, this streaking fiend must be found.
00:52:03Oh, I agree.
00:52:04Otherwise, your position with my organisation will be in jeopardy.
00:52:08Jeopardy?
00:52:09I didn't know I had a place there, sir.
00:52:11Don't try my patience, Nogget.
00:52:13Thank you, miss.
00:52:15Oh.
00:52:16Now, I have...
00:52:17Pay attention!
00:52:18Now, I have pulled off another brilliant coupe,
00:52:21and I don't want it ruined by this naked lunatic.
00:52:23Oh.
00:52:24Do you know who is going to be accompanying our beauty competition?
00:52:27No.
00:52:28Alberto Smarmy.
00:52:30Alberto Smarmy?
00:52:32Alberto Smarmy.
00:52:33You mean Mr. Piano Magic himself?
00:52:35Mr. Piano Magic.
00:52:37The what with the candles?
00:52:39The what with the candles?
00:52:41I would hardly have chosen that method of describing a man
00:52:43whose music has brought pleasure to countless millions.
00:52:46Of course not, sir.
00:52:47Even if he is a bloody eye-tie.
00:52:49Anyway, somewhere there lurks a deranged nutter
00:52:52who could ruin all my future plans for fun for all.
00:52:59This man must be found, Nogget.
00:53:02Tick in the world.
00:53:07Oh.
00:53:08Baby.
00:53:09Poe way.
00:53:21Poe.
00:53:24Poe!
00:53:25Poe!
00:53:26Poe!
00:53:28Poe.
00:53:29Poe.
00:53:30Poe.
00:53:31Poe.
00:53:31Poe.
00:53:32Right, sir, I'll get right on now.
00:53:58This pervert exists and I want him found.
00:54:02What is the matter with you, man?
00:54:05Nothing, sir.
00:54:07I think your brain is softening, lad.
00:54:09Will you pay attention when I'm talking to you?
00:54:21Noggett, I want this man found.
00:54:23I want Searches Institute.
00:54:25All over the camp. I will.
00:54:27I want 24-hour patrols, guard dogs if necessary, but I want this man found.
00:54:30Thanks!
00:54:31Yes!
00:54:32Bridgett!
00:54:33Give me the trunks!
00:54:34The trunks!
00:54:35Give me the trunks!
00:54:36Timmy!
00:54:37Oh!
00:54:38Oh!
00:54:39Mark my words, Noggett. If we do not catch this man, we'll have the whole camp at him.
00:54:47Noggett!
00:54:48Noggett!
00:54:49Are you listening to me?
00:54:50Yes!
00:54:51Yes!
00:54:52This is being a crisis man.
00:54:53Please pay attention.
00:54:54I mean, this entire establishment could crumble before my eyes if we're not careful.
00:54:59Oh!
00:55:00I am not under a strain, Noggett.
00:55:02Neither am I suffering from delusions.
00:55:06Noggett.
00:55:07Noggett, I don't know what ails you, lad, but if you were a horse, I'd have you shot.
00:55:11I couldn't be talking to myself here.
00:55:22Oh!
00:55:23Noggett!
00:55:24That's him!
00:55:25That's him!
00:55:26What are you sitting there for?
00:55:27Come on!
00:55:28Noggett!
00:55:29Whoah!
00:55:30Whoah!
00:55:31Whoah!
00:55:32Whoah!
00:55:33Whoah!
00:55:34Whoah!
00:55:35Whoah!
00:55:36Whoah!
00:55:37Whoah!
00:55:38Whoah!
00:55:39Whoah!
00:55:40Whoah!
00:55:41Whoah!
00:55:42Whoah!
00:55:43Whoah!
00:55:44Whoah!
00:55:45Whoah!
00:55:46Whoah!
00:55:47Whoah!
00:55:48Whoah!
00:55:49Looks as if he got away, sir.
00:55:50Right is it.
00:55:53We have got to catch this man, Noggett.
00:55:54Oh, yes, sir.
00:55:55Your position depends on it.
00:55:57What? Sir? Sir?
00:56:27Oh, hello. Oh, I see.
00:56:29And that was Any Way That You Want Me by the Allcomers.
00:56:32And now a request for Dave Richards for his mum and dad wishing you all a smashing holiday.
00:56:50Have you got a request?
00:56:53Oh, I could have, yes.
00:56:56No, I'm a holiday host, actually. Yes. I haven't seen you before.
00:56:59Oh, that's because I never get out of this place.
00:57:01Ah.
00:57:02It isn't half hot in here.
00:57:04Yeah.
00:57:05What can I do for you?
00:57:07Well, um...
00:57:09Well, perhaps you could make a few announcements about the beauty contest.
00:57:12Eh?
00:57:13Um...
00:57:14Well, perhaps you could enter, eh?
00:57:15Oh, no such luck.
00:57:17I used to have a smashing time when I was working in the camp.
00:57:20Now I'm stuck in here.
00:57:23Oh, left alone with your memories.
00:57:26Yes.
00:57:27I mean, memories.
00:57:28Yes.
00:57:29Yes.
00:57:30Yes.
00:57:31Yes.
00:57:32Yes.
00:57:33Yes.
00:57:34Oh, yes.
00:57:35Yes.
00:57:36Ah!
00:57:38Ah.
00:57:39Ah.
00:57:44Ah!
00:57:45Ah-ah!
00:57:47Oh, my God!
00:57:49Oh!
00:57:50Ah.
00:57:51Oh!
00:57:53What a way!
00:57:55Oh!
00:57:57Yeah!
00:57:59I'll keep you in time.
00:58:05They can't leave anything alone these days, can they?
00:58:08It's one of your classics. Listen to what they're doing to it.
00:58:11Isn't it?
00:58:21Oh!
00:58:23Oh!
00:58:25Oh!
00:58:27Oh!
00:58:28I mean, that's added nothing to it, is it?
00:58:32Well, you've got to move with the times, ain't ya?
00:58:38I don't think he was doing it.
00:58:46Filth!
00:58:47Where?
00:58:48Not you, dear.
00:58:51Huh?
00:58:52I see, dear.
00:58:55Have you got the key to the chalet?
00:59:00Oh, dear.
00:59:05Their asthma hasn't started again, has it?
00:59:07Eh?
00:59:08Where'd they go?
00:59:09Oh, you wouldn't understand.
00:59:12Oh!
00:59:13Oh!
00:59:14Oh!
00:59:15Oh!
00:59:16Oh!
00:59:17Oh!
00:59:18Oh!
00:59:19Oh!
00:59:20Oh!
00:59:21Oh!
00:59:22Oh!
00:59:23Oh!
00:59:24Oh!
00:59:25Oh!
00:59:26Oh!
00:59:28Now, you keep this to yourself, love, all right?
00:59:30Oh!
00:59:31Oh!
00:59:40What are you trying to do?
00:59:42Hey!
00:59:43Drive me into the bloody nut house!
00:59:45Oh!
00:59:46Oh!
00:59:47Oh!
00:59:48Oh!
00:59:49Oh!
00:59:50Oh!
00:59:51Oh!
00:59:52Little we're trying to wait for everybody to hear!
00:59:55Oh!
00:59:56God oh!
00:59:58Bloody mighty!
01:00:00Talk about biting the hand that lays the golden egg, eh!
01:00:04Eh!
01:00:05Do you realise, kid?
01:00:06Do you realise that if anything but anything goes wrong on this build-up to this beauty contest,
01:00:11On this build-up to this beauty contest, you and I, sailor, are out of a job, eh?
01:00:19Yes, I realise all that, sir.
01:00:21And Whiteman was only hinting at a transfer to jeopardy.
01:00:25Do you know what you mean?
01:00:26You know, that's funny, Sid.
01:00:27Yeah?
01:00:28He said he was going to send me to limbo.
01:00:29Oh.
01:00:30Yeah.
01:00:30Yeah, well, either way, we've got a lot to lose, haven't we?
01:00:33Yeah.
01:00:34Now, listen to me.
01:00:35Have you yet decided on the judging panel?
01:00:41Huh?
01:00:41Yes, yes, hang on.
01:00:43Um, here we are.
01:00:45Um, we've got the vicar.
01:00:47The vicar.
01:00:47The mayor.
01:00:48Mr. Whiteman, of course.
01:00:49And he wants his wife to come down.
01:00:51Apparently, she's very keen, yes.
01:00:52Oh.
01:00:53Yeah, and talking about the beauty contest, guess who's entering, eh?
01:00:57Rosie.
01:00:59It's a laugh, isn't it, eh?
01:01:00A laugh, isn't it?
01:01:02It's a little laugh.
01:01:05Have you taken an entire leave of your bloody sentence?
01:01:09Oh, is it?
01:01:09Hey, do you think?
01:01:11And for one second, I'm going to let a load of bloody layabouts go, but my Rosie and the
01:01:17almost all together.
01:01:19Oh.
01:01:20You have entirely blown your bloody tiny mind, man, because I can assure you, Timo, there
01:01:28is no way, but no way that my Rosie is going to enter this beauty contest.
01:01:37Oh, yes.
01:01:38Oh, yes, yes.
01:01:39Oh, yes, yes.
01:01:40Right.
01:01:41That's settled, then.
01:01:42I'm going to go in for a beauty competition.
01:01:43And Mum can bake a cake.
01:01:44Oh, Rosie!
01:01:45Oh, Rosie!
01:01:46Now, listen.
01:01:47If you want to do something useful, you can unbrung that sink.
01:01:48Right?
01:01:49It's blocked up.
01:01:50I'm going down to the beach for Jason and Mum and Dad.
01:01:52Bye.
01:01:53Rosie, come here.
01:01:54You come here.
01:01:55Don't you walk out of me.
01:01:56You certainly told her, Sid.
01:01:57Oh!
01:01:58Ah!
01:01:59Shall I get on to maintenance?
01:02:00Maintenance?
01:02:01Yes, because of the tax.
01:02:02Maintenance?
01:02:03Yes!
01:02:04You don't need to get on to maintenance for a little job like that, do you?
01:02:07Yeah.
01:02:08I mean, what would whitebunk say?
01:02:09Well, wait.
01:02:10I don't know what a holiday host is supposed to show some initiative.
01:02:15Just joking, Sid.
01:02:16You ought to get hold of one of these.
01:02:19I'll go and get one, Sid.
01:02:20Not now!
01:02:21Not now.
01:02:22Not now.
01:02:23No.
01:02:24You come over here and watch what I'm doing, right?
01:02:25I'll probably get one later, Sid.
01:02:27Oh, God.
01:02:28There's probably something...
01:02:29Look at this.
01:02:30It's been leaking all over the bloody garbage here.
01:02:32Oh, dear.
01:02:33There's probably something it caught in this trap here.
01:02:35Yeah, you got it, Sid.
01:02:36Oh, God.
01:02:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:02:38It's coming.
01:02:39You done it, Sid?
01:02:40Yeah.
01:02:41Right.
01:02:42Soon check.
01:02:43Oh, that's done it, yeah.
01:02:44Right.
01:02:45Soon check.
01:02:46It needs to be working.
01:02:47Look!
01:02:48Oh!
01:02:49You bloody fool!
01:02:50Turn it off!
01:02:51Turn it off!
01:02:52Sid, it wasn't my part.
01:02:53I just think it was flowing all right.
01:02:55It's not going to be the only thing.
01:02:56It's going to be flowing around here, mate.
01:02:57Oh, Sid, look.
01:02:58It's the taps all leaking.
01:02:59Look.
01:03:00Well, you fix it, then.
01:03:01It's going to do everything around here.
01:03:03Come on.
01:03:04I'll fix it.
01:03:06God.
01:03:07God, give me patience.
01:03:09Give me patience!
01:03:10I'm going to get you some patience.
01:03:12First, I'm going to do it.
01:03:13Yes.
01:03:14What a job doing.
01:03:15You've got to do it.
01:03:16Yourself.
01:03:17If you want to do it properly.
01:03:18Don't you?
01:03:19Well, just that.
01:03:20All right.
01:03:21There you are.
01:03:22Come on!
01:03:23Get off!
01:03:24Get off me!
01:03:25Get off me!
01:03:26Get off me!
01:03:27Get off me!
01:03:28Get off me!
01:03:29Get off me!
01:03:30Get off me!
01:03:31Get off me!
01:03:32Get off me!
01:03:33Get off me!
01:03:34I'll do something!
01:03:35Yes, I'll get off me!
01:03:36Yes!
01:03:37Come on!
01:03:38Quick!
01:03:39Don't panic!
01:03:40Don't panic!
01:03:41You bloody fool!
01:03:42I'm about to kill you with this!
01:03:43I'm telling you!
01:03:44Oh, damn!
01:03:45Oh, damn!
01:03:46Oh, damn!
01:03:47Oh, damn!
01:03:48Oh, damn!
01:03:49Oh, damn!
01:03:50Oh, damn!
01:03:51Oh, damn!
01:03:52Dead!
01:03:53No!
01:03:57Quickly!
01:03:58Quickly!
01:03:59No!
01:04:00No!
01:04:01No!
01:04:02No!
01:04:03No!
01:04:04You go outside!
01:04:05Turn off!
01:04:06Oh!
01:04:07Turn off the stock cocks, idiots!
01:04:09Yes!
01:04:10Stock cock!
01:04:11Stock cock!
01:04:12Stock cock!
01:04:13There is somebody dead!
01:04:14No!
01:04:15No!
01:04:16Oh!
01:04:17No!
01:04:18Oh!
01:04:19No!
01:04:20No!
01:04:21What's the matter, son?
01:04:22This bloke entered the potty over me, Dad!
01:04:24Don't be so ridiculous.
01:04:25What bloke?
01:04:26Oh!
01:04:27Oh!
01:04:28Oh!
01:04:29Oh!
01:04:30Oh!
01:04:31Yeah!
01:04:32Oh!
01:04:33Right.
01:04:35Right.
01:04:38Get back to your mother.
01:04:39No! No, I want to be out of here!
01:04:42Kill the fellow!
01:04:44Take him, you've got the rope out!
01:04:46Stop it, please!
01:04:48Stop! What'd I get?
01:04:50It's not me!
01:04:52Stop!
01:04:54Stop!
01:04:56Stop!
01:04:58Stop!
01:05:00Stop!
01:05:02Stop!
01:05:09Sid!
01:05:14It's all right, Sid! I've stopped the cock!
01:05:16Sid! Sid!
01:05:18I've done it! I've stopped the cock!
01:05:20Sid?
01:05:24Where are you, Sid?
01:05:26Sid... Oh, there you are, Sid.
01:05:28Sid, I've managed to stop the thingy.
01:05:30Yes.
01:05:32Oh.
01:05:34Um...
01:05:36I think I, er, better get on to maintenance.
01:05:39Yes, because they're in space.
01:05:45Oh, fantastique! Wonderful!
01:05:55Yay! Oh, oh, oh!
01:05:58Wonderful, Leonel!
01:05:59How's that, Bridget?
01:06:00Very good.
01:06:01Oh, I'm all wet.
01:06:03Now, save the ski.
01:06:04Oh, brave on, Leonel.
01:06:05And the other one.
01:06:06Yes, right, there we are.
01:06:07Here, I will...
01:06:08All you've got to do...
01:06:09That's all right, dear.
01:06:10Just bend the knees like I told you.
01:06:11Bend the knees...
01:06:12...and let...
01:06:13...let the...
01:06:14...let the boat pull you.
01:06:16Oh!
01:06:17Naughty.
01:06:18Don't pull...
01:06:20...on the rope.
01:06:21And whatever you do...
01:06:22...keep your legs together, dear.
01:06:23Absolutely.
01:06:24That's the thing.
01:06:25Timmy!
01:06:26Did you see Leonel?
01:06:27Yeah, great.
01:06:28You're a man of many parts, Lionel.
01:06:29Oh, cheeky monkey.
01:06:30Do you want to ski, then?
01:06:31Me?
01:06:32Well, yes, of course I ski.
01:06:35Nothing spectacular, of course.
01:06:37No.
01:06:38Well, look, I'll tell you what.
01:06:39I'll give you a tow.
01:06:42What, now?
01:06:43Mmm.
01:06:44What?
01:06:45Don't you even want to try?
01:06:46Once you are up, it is very easy.
01:06:48Eh?
01:06:49Yes.
01:06:50Oh, yeah.
01:06:51Yeah.
01:06:52Right.
01:06:53No jumping, though.
01:06:54Come on, then.
01:06:55Right.
01:06:58And this, sir, is our new water skiing facility.
01:07:01There, as you suggested, of course, sir.
01:07:03It's proving very popular.
01:07:05For the public...
01:07:08Hey.
01:07:10Where are you going?
01:07:11Er...
01:07:12You can't water skiing.
01:07:13I don't know yet.
01:07:14Haven't tried, Sid.
01:07:17Over here, sir.
01:07:18No, no, no, Nugget.
01:07:19Never mind that.
01:07:20Watch this, man.
01:07:21This could be very interesting.
01:07:22Oh, sir.
01:07:23Come on.
01:07:24This could be quite interesting.
01:07:26Nugget.
01:07:27Will you please shut off?
01:07:28I'm not at least interested.
01:07:35Are you ready, Ducky?
01:07:37Okay.
01:07:38Er...
01:07:40Hang on a minute.
01:07:41Hang on.
01:07:44Hey!
01:07:45Ah!
01:07:50Nugget!
01:07:51Ah!
01:07:52Nugget!
01:07:53Ah!
01:07:54I'll get you for this, Nugget!
01:07:55Come on!
01:07:58Ah!
01:07:59Ah!
01:08:00Ah!
01:08:01Ah!
01:08:02Ah!
01:08:03Ah!
01:08:04Ah!
01:08:05Ah!
01:08:06Ah!
01:08:07Ah!
01:08:08Ah!
01:08:09Ah!
01:08:10Ah!
01:08:11Ah!
01:08:12Ah!
01:08:13Ah!
01:08:14Ah!
01:08:15Ah!
01:08:16Ah!
01:08:17Mommy!
01:08:26Ah!
01:08:28Howard!
01:08:34You bloody...
01:08:36Sorry, sir.
01:08:42I'll help you out, sir. There we go.
01:08:45It's nice to stay.
01:08:47Oh, you.
01:08:49Pull.
01:08:53I don't need to tell you, Nugget. I am not at all happy.
01:08:56Your position with this camp lad hangs by a thread.
01:09:00If it were not for this beauty competition,
01:09:02I would have no hesitation in sacking you on the spot.
01:09:05Sid, I've got some...
01:09:07Huh?
01:09:08Sid, I've got some good news about the...
01:09:11Don't skulk in the corner, lad. Come into the room.
01:09:16Now I come to think of it.
01:09:18PHONE RINGS
01:09:23Sorry, sir.
01:09:24Hello?
01:09:25Hello, silly Willie. It's Woofsy.
01:09:27I'm at the silly old station and they've run out of taxis
01:09:31and I wondered if you'd like to get into a jalopy and come and get me.
01:09:38Oh, er, silly Willie. Er, I mean, Mr White Monk, sir. I think it's for you. It's Woofles.
01:09:44Woofles?
01:09:45Yes. She wants you to pick her up from the station. Hang on.
01:09:49Yes. Yes. And can you bring Mr Squidgy with you?
01:09:52Give me that.
01:09:54Hello, now.
01:09:56Antonia. It is you, my love.
01:09:59Who's gracious?
01:10:01It's my wife.
01:10:02Ah, I...
01:10:03What's that treasure?
01:10:04Yes, yes. Don't you worry. I'll find someone down with a car to collect you.
01:10:09Behave yourself now and don't talk to any strange men.
01:10:14If you like, sir, I'll go along.
01:10:16You stay right where you are, Nogget. You and I have got plenty to be getting on with.
01:10:20For a start, we haven't caught this dumb streaker.
01:10:27No! Sir, it can't be me.
01:10:29This man can go.
01:10:47Uh, Mrs White Monk?
01:10:49Yes?
01:10:50Ah, yes. Well, I'm sorry I'm late. I got a little behind, I'm afraid.
01:10:53So, I see. You should have got me one.
01:10:56Where's my husband?
01:10:57Oh, he's a bit tied up at the moment.
01:10:59Oh, never mind. I expect you'll make a very good substitute.
01:11:03Oh, well, I'll try, yes.
01:11:06Is there anything you want me to put inside?
01:11:09Mind reader?
01:11:12Ooh!
01:11:16I can't drive any further, Mrs White Monk.
01:11:21We've nearly had three very serious accidents. You could have got us killed.
01:11:26What a lovely way to go.
01:11:30Oh, what's the matter? Don't you find me attractive?
01:11:35Well, of course I do. But it's your husband.
01:11:38You mean you find him more attractive than me?
01:11:40No, no, no, no. He's on the point of sagging me as it is.
01:11:43Oh, I'm the driving force in this operation.
01:11:48When I can find the right steering column.
01:11:51Oh, look!
01:11:52Oh, look!
01:11:53Oh!
01:11:58Oh, look!
01:12:00What a sight to stir the juices.
01:12:03Fares always turn me on.
01:12:04Yes.
01:12:05Oh, look. Just one quick ride and then I'll be as good as gold.
01:12:09Ah!
01:12:10Oh!
01:12:11Listen, if I may ask, Mrs White...
01:12:13Get off, will you?
01:12:14Um, where did you meet your husband?
01:12:17Oh, I was on a prisoner's aid committee and he was the chief screw.
01:12:21Oh!
01:12:23Ah!
01:12:24What?
01:12:26Oh!
01:12:27Oh!
01:12:28Oh!
01:12:29Oh, look!
01:12:30We must get to the office!
01:12:32Oh!
01:12:33Oh!
01:12:34Oh!
01:12:35I love affairs.
01:12:36And I love affairs!
01:12:37Ah!
01:12:38No, your husband will be getting very, very anxious.
01:12:40Supposing I told him that you'd made a pass at me?
01:12:43He's insanely jealous.
01:12:45Oh, well, you wouldn't do that, would you?
01:12:46I don't know if you made a pass at me.
01:12:50Let's go in here.
01:12:51No, definitely.
01:12:52Mrs. Whiteman, I might lose my jaw.
01:12:54Oh, I'd rather you lost your clothes.
01:12:56Quick, take them off.
01:12:58I want a drink from the glistening chouse of your body.
01:13:16Yeah, it's years since I've seen one of these things.
01:13:21No, that's not the only thing. You're too old for all that.
01:13:24Oh, good, Dad. Give Mum a thrill.
01:13:26Oh, that'll be the day.
01:13:28One of these weeks, I'm going to come in the season and give you a shock.
01:13:31Oh, Walter!
01:13:32Oh, yeah! Come on, it's free!
01:13:34Is it? I can just about afford that. Do you want a bun, come?
01:13:37Oh, Walter!
01:13:38I'll get out and walk back a few memories.
01:13:40Oh, it's still all again, I'm sorry.
01:13:43Mind you, don't burn your ass.
01:13:45Sit down, Ralph!
01:13:46Sit down, I don't need you.
01:13:47Don't be a postcard.
01:13:48I'll get up and try again.
01:13:49It's yours.
01:13:54Hey, Rosie!
01:13:55Yeah.
01:13:56Have you seen Simeon?
01:13:57No.
01:13:58Oh, thank God for that.
01:13:59Oh, and it landed!
01:14:01Oh, look at that!
01:14:02Oh, look at that!
01:14:05That thing looks like our vicar.
01:14:06Oh, look at that!
01:14:08Yeah, look at this one!
01:14:10Oh, look at that!
01:14:13Oh!
01:14:14Oh, a pride!
01:14:15Oh, Walter!
01:14:20Here!
01:14:21Here!
01:14:22That looks like Tibby!
01:14:25I'm sure it's Tibby!
01:14:26Oh, a pornography into anything.
01:14:28Oh, shut up, Walter!
01:14:30Nogget!
01:14:32Oh, yes, sir.
01:14:33Nogget, have you seen my wife?
01:14:35Oh, don't worry, sir.
01:14:36She's been seen to.
01:14:37I hope so, lad.
01:14:38Because I will hold you responsible if she is not in very good hands.
01:14:43Oh!
01:14:44Oh!
01:14:45Oh, oh, oh!
01:14:46Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
01:14:47Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
01:14:48Good God!
01:14:49I'm tired!
01:14:50Oh, dear!
01:14:51Oh, boy, darling!
01:14:52What a shame!
01:14:53I've completely worn you out!
01:14:54Oh, God, I can't tell you much more of this.
01:15:02Oh, Sid.
01:15:08Oh, no!
01:15:09I just came to remind you.
01:15:11It's the contest tomorrow, honey.
01:15:13Yes, I know.
01:15:14So I'm going to be nice to you if you are nice to me.
01:15:18No, listen, could we just go and talk?
01:15:21Ah, er...
01:15:24In the cupboard!
01:15:25What?
01:15:26What?
01:15:27Yes, you are, quick.
01:15:28Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:15:32I'm sorry to trouble you.
01:15:34I wondered if you remembered your promise.
01:15:36Promise?
01:15:37Yes.
01:15:38You said you were going to try and help me improve my chances for the compulsions.
01:15:42Yes, I've got another couple of those in there.
01:15:45Oh, in the cupboard!
01:15:47In the cupboard!
01:15:48Yes, yes, yes, yes!
01:15:49Oh, it's just like...
01:15:51Oh!
01:15:52Oh, darling!
01:15:53Oh, I've come!
01:15:54I've come!
01:15:55Oh!
01:15:56My husband!
01:15:57Oh!
01:15:58In the cupboard!
01:15:59Yes!
01:16:00Oh!
01:16:01Oh!
01:16:02Oh!
01:16:03Oh!
01:16:04Oh!
01:16:05Oh!
01:16:06Oh!
01:16:07Oh!
01:16:08Oh!
01:16:09Oh!
01:16:10Oh!
01:16:11Oh!
01:16:12Oh!
01:16:13Oh!
01:16:14I've been so very worried about you.
01:16:18Why you do these things?
01:16:19I've been so worried about you.
01:16:20Why you do these things?
01:16:21I know I know you need help.
01:16:22You need help.
01:16:23Oui.
01:16:24Oh!
01:16:25Oh, mon Dieu!
01:16:26That must be Mr. Whitemonk!
01:16:27Well, dure it to the cupboard quick.
01:16:29Timmy!
01:16:30Oh!
01:16:31No!
01:16:32Oh!
01:16:33Timmy!
01:16:34Oh!
01:16:35You've been deceiving me.
01:16:36Well, I, er, couldn't afford mothballs.
01:16:44Ah, now the time has come for me to make a stand.
01:16:47Oh, don't look at me, dear.
01:16:48Don't mock, don't mock. Ever since you and that noggett creature came here,
01:16:51this camp has sunk into a mass of depravity.
01:16:54Look at this. Look at it.
01:16:56I've been hiding my lot under a bushel for too long.
01:16:58Yes, I should hope so, too, dear.
01:17:00Oh, nothing else, just, er...
01:17:01I've been keeping an eye on you, Lee.
01:17:02I've got reason to believe that you are the phantom streaker.
01:17:05What? Me?
01:17:07Yes, you.
01:17:08Oh, filth.
01:17:09And furthermore, furthermore, you've got a woman in that cupboard, have you?
01:17:12Oh, no, no, that's just one of my...
01:17:13I'm warning you, Lee. I'm bent on exposure.
01:17:16Yes, I always wondered what it was.
01:17:18No, now, look, Lionel, please, Lionel...
01:17:20I've given my suspicions to Mr. Whitemunk and he's going to come in in a minute.
01:17:23Yeah, so stand aside.
01:17:25No, no, Lionel, please. I appeal to you.
01:17:29It would be different if you did. Now, stand aside.
01:17:32Hey, don't! Don't do it! Open that!
01:17:34Oh!
01:17:37Just a few close friends I asked round for tea.
01:17:39Oh!
01:17:43Lionel!
01:17:44Good God, not him.
01:17:46So you're the streaker.
01:17:48Look, I've been framed.
01:17:50Oh!
01:17:51Oh!
01:18:00Petty, it's not working, dear.
01:18:02It's not working.
01:18:03One, two, back of my shoe. Can you hit now?
01:18:05Er, Petty, dear, do you mind putting your finger up?
01:18:08Oh, oh, whoops!
01:18:09Oops!
01:18:10All right, just a cute thing.
01:18:11Just a cute thing.
01:18:12I'll see to that.
01:18:13You go and join the ladies.
01:18:14All right.
01:18:15They're waiting for you.
01:18:16Get with the judges.
01:18:17All right?
01:18:18One, two, get in.
01:18:21One, two, one, two, three.
01:18:23Is he done, Wally?
01:18:24Can you hear me in the games room?
01:18:26She's here.
01:18:28I've got the turn here for you now before the beauty competition.
01:18:33This turn's cost us a lot of money.
01:18:36So, Adrian, listen.
01:18:37You're on your holidays to do as you're told.
01:18:42That's a bit better.
01:18:44Now, this turn has just come back from a successful tour of the conservative clubs in Moscow.
01:18:50He is very famous on radio, on television, and on films.
01:18:55I want a big clap for him, because he's a big turn.
01:18:58Give order now this time for...
01:19:02Alberto Smami!
01:19:10Oh, I'm so nervous.
01:19:27What have you got to feel nervous about?
01:19:30What do you mean?
01:19:32Well, you are the boss's wife, aren't you?
01:19:34It's a handy way of keeping Ā£500 in the family.
01:19:37What are you incinerating?
01:19:38Oh, bitch, bitch.
01:19:40Now, come on, girls.
01:19:41We're on.
01:19:42Walk this way.
01:19:43Blimey, I thought I already did.
01:19:55Oh, they started!
01:19:57Here, Walter.
01:19:59Look, put it on that plate with F on it.
01:20:01With F on it?
01:20:02Yes, it's all right.
01:20:05Walter!
01:20:06They've run out of self-raising, did they?
01:20:08Oh, dear.
01:20:09Oh, dear.
01:20:10That really is one of your rock cakes, isn't it?
01:20:23Say, say, what do you want me to do?
01:20:26I don't want you to do anything.
01:20:32What?
01:20:33I don't want you to touch anything.
01:20:36I don't want you to speak to anybody.
01:20:39I want you to stay well away.
01:20:43Is that clear?
01:20:45Is that clear?
01:20:46Perfectly, Sidney.
01:20:47Come on.
01:20:48Very kind of you to agree to be one of our judges, Mr Mayor.
01:20:53Well, when I heard press were coming, I couldn't refuse it, could I?
01:20:57As you will see, our celebrity judges have arrived for the Funflow Beauty Competition, and I think we ought to give them all a very big welcome.
01:21:13I regret to announce that the celebrity compare hasn't arrived.
01:21:20So I'll do it.
01:21:21I've got all these girls here now who are trying to win this coveted title.
01:21:45We'll have the first girl, please.
01:21:47We'll have you.
01:21:51Thank you, sir.
01:21:55What is your name?
01:21:59It says here you're from Birmingham.
01:22:04I've got this feet there.
01:22:06What are your hobbies?
01:22:10All the time.
01:22:12Oh, big round of applause for our first girl.
01:22:17That's your place, love.
01:22:21all right could you have the next girl then please are you a friend of hers
01:22:32can't win them all can you what's your name what didn't ask you what you were
01:22:39I said what's your name oh wait where do you live oh what's your
01:22:46hobbies what I like to ride horses oh very good that's your place big clap for this girl thank you
01:22:54have you next love thank you have you next please stop gassing come on love
01:23:02oh you've had a bit of sun have you as well as
01:23:14what's your name blackbird what's the other one called
01:23:25what's your hubby's
01:23:31no it's a little thing in it
01:23:49down in the forest something stirred the jungle tom-toms spoke and some deep primitive force
01:24:07half as old as time was guiding her towards me like an angry black pudding on legs
01:24:11hello
01:24:15oh
01:24:25oh
01:24:29Oh, sir!
01:24:34Oh, sir!
01:24:35Oh, sir!
01:24:37Halt!
01:24:39Please!
01:24:41Ah!
01:24:43Ah!
01:24:45Ah!
01:24:47Ah!
01:24:49Ah!
01:24:51Ah!
01:24:53Ah!
01:24:55Ah!
01:24:57Mr. Mayor, I hope you won't let this little incident spoil your day.
01:25:27I hope you won't let this little incident spoil your day.
01:25:57Mr. Mayor, you're magnifique!
01:25:58Oh, I'm a devil in a morouse, dear!
01:26:00You know that!
01:26:01Oh, yeah!
01:26:02Oh, bonjour!
01:26:03I think you've come off a little queer.
01:26:05No, I think I've just given it up.
01:26:06Oh, oh!
01:26:07Oh!
01:26:08You're moving some!
01:26:10Hey!
01:26:12Hi!
01:26:13I'm a surprise!
01:26:15I'm a surprise!
01:26:16I'm a surprise!
01:26:17I'm a surprise!
01:26:18I'm a surprise!
01:26:19Oh, yeah!
01:26:20C'est it, C'est it, C'est it!
01:26:21C'est it, C'est it!
01:26:22C'est it, C'est it!
01:26:23C'est it, C'est it, C'est it!
01:26:25C'est it, C'est it!
01:26:26Over there!
01:26:29Hello!
01:26:30Hello!
01:26:31Oh, Brains, you...
01:26:33Couldn't he get any better than this?
01:26:35It's all I can find. Come on, get on!
01:26:36Move, move, move!
01:26:40That's it, you bagel!
01:26:42Right, where are we going?
01:26:43That way!
01:26:44That way!
01:26:45Come on!
01:26:46Get the feet up your butt!
01:26:56Get the feet up your butt!
01:26:58Oh, you bloody bloody leg!
01:26:59Oh, you bloody bloody leg!
01:27:00Oh, you bloody bloody leg!
01:27:01Come on, they gave it on it!
01:27:03We're coming!
01:27:04This way!
01:27:05Move those shoes, there, you bloody leg!
01:27:10Oh, you do it!
01:27:11Oh, you... that way!
01:27:13Oh, you do it!
01:27:15Oh, you do it!
01:27:17Oh, you do it!
01:27:26Oh, you do it!
01:27:27Oh, you do it!
01:27:28Oh, you do it!
01:27:29Oh, you do it!
01:27:31Well, there you go.
01:27:32You don't have to shove more than half a dozen custard pies down the front of my winefronts before I can take a hint.
01:27:37Time to look for a new career opportunity.
01:27:40No, seriously.
01:27:41We've got to find something more suited to our talents.
01:27:44Brain surgery, maybe.
01:27:45Or plumbing, perhaps.
01:27:47I've been a bit worried about my plumbing lately.
01:27:49Huh!
01:27:54So give me England every time, my dear!
01:27:58Give me England any time of year!
01:28:02Come on, everybody, raise a cheer!
01:28:05Far and near for the birds and the boos now that summer's here!
01:28:11In 1970, we went to Italy to sample all the Deloitte's down in Napoli!
01:28:21Ha!
01:28:22Ha!
01:28:23Ha!
01:28:24Ha!
01:28:25Ha!
01:28:26Ha!
01:28:27Ha!
01:28:28Ha!
01:28:29Ha!
01:28:30Ha!
01:28:32Ha!
01:28:33Ha!
01:28:34Ha!
01:28:35Ha!
01:28:36Ha!
01:28:37Ha!
01:28:38Ha!
01:28:39Ha!
01:28:40Ha!
01:28:41Ha!
01:28:42Ha!
01:28:43Ha!
01:28:44Ha!
01:28:45Ha!
01:28:46Ha!
01:28:47Ha!
01:28:48Ha!
01:28:49Ha!
01:28:50Ha!
01:28:51Ha!
01:28:52Ha!
01:28:53Ha!
01:28:54Ha!
01:28:55Ha!
01:28:56Ha!
01:28:57Ha!
01:28:58Ha!
01:28:59Ha!
01:29:00Ha!
01:29:01Ha!
01:29:02Ha!
01:29:03Ha!
01:29:04Ha!
01:29:05Ha!
01:29:06Ha!
01:29:07Ha!
01:29:08Ha!
01:29:09Ha!
01:29:10Ha!
Comments