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01:00What's up, y'all? What's going on, Suede? How y'all doing today?
01:02Everybody good?
01:04You enjoying our Essence Festival of Culture Dirty 30?
01:10Yeah?
01:10Well, I'm glad to have y'all in the Suede Men's Experience.
01:15My name is Michael Barclay.
01:16I am the Executive Vice President of Experiential here at Essence Ventures.
01:21And it is my great pleasure with my incredible team
01:25to throw this party for the Essence brand and Essence Festival.
01:30Who went to the show last night?
01:34Did you win the Usher tickets?
01:38We got other surprises tonight, so you might win some if you come tonight.
01:41Anyway, I'm here today.
01:43We're going to have a great discussion coming up about Black Dads.
01:47The title is Black Dads, Strength, Love, and Legacy.
01:51And I'm going to bring up some of my brothers,
01:53and we're going to have a quick discussion about the importance of us in the family
01:56and what it means to be a black father nowadays.
01:59So without further ado, I'm going to start introducing these incredible fathers.
02:04First up, I got Ryan Burks.
02:06He is the president of RICAR Construction,
02:08the board member of Son of a Saint here in New Orleans,
02:12and a proud father of three.
02:18Up next, this is my brother.
02:24We go way, way back.
02:27Way, way, way back.
02:28My brother, I call him Derek, but you can call him D-Nice.
02:33Well known as a rapper, of course, but also America's favorite DJ.
02:37Saved us during the quarantine issues with club quarantine during the pandemic.
02:42My man, my brother, D-Nice.
02:49And last but not least, we got Jesse Alex.
02:51He's the co-founder of a platform, not a podcast,
02:55a platform called Dear Fathers that reaches out to over 1 million people weekly
03:01and provides restoration and resources for black families.
03:05These are the panelists.
03:06We're going to talk about it.
03:07Let's go.
03:08So we're going to get into it.
03:13First question for the entire panel.
03:16We can start, I'm going to go from left to right.
03:19Black fathers can be an example of strength and resilience to their children
03:23and for the black community as a whole.
03:27What does black, what does fatherhood mean to you?
03:29I'm going to start with you, Ryan.
03:32Okay.
03:34Fatherhood to me is an opportunity and a responsibility for us to nurture and develop our children,
03:43establish hope and discipline and love, and also just building that foundation for our communities
03:51because it's very vital for us to make sure that our children have solid foundation,
03:56but also that they're nurtured.
03:58You know, a lot of the issues for us is that it's due to a lack of fatherhood.
04:03Absolutely.
04:04D?
04:04I mean, sometimes it's not just black fathers, just parents in general.
04:09Like, I grew up, I grew up in the Bronx, I'm a New Yorker, and yes, BX all day.
04:16BX.
04:16And I didn't live in a household with my parents, so a lot of what I learned about fatherhood
04:21actually came from television.
04:23You know, like watching, you know, a Cosby show or, you know, just these old TV shows.
04:28And I remember, like, when my daughter was born, I have a 28, 27-year-old daughter,
04:35and she's actually one of my attorneys, and it's been the proudest moment of my life,
04:41like being her father, not about being her boss or employer, like none of that.
04:46It's like being her father and watching, you know, the mistakes that I made when I was younger
04:51and being able to help guide her and seeing her just thrive in life gives me the absolute
04:58most enjoyment that I've ever experienced.
05:01That's amazing.
05:02Shout out to Ashley, daughter, lawyer.
05:05Got to give it a shout.
05:06Yeah, and for me, you know, I agree with both of these guys, but, like, growing up in St.
05:11Louis, Missouri, I actually started my platform because I grew up without a dad.
05:15So, you know, I wanted to create a safe space for black men and black fathers to share their
05:19stories because, as we all know on this stage, black men don't really have a space to be
05:24vulnerable.
05:25So, Dear Fathers, it's all about creating a safe space for guys to be vulnerable, and
05:29I think it's very important for fathers to be able to share their stories but then also
05:33get the resources they need.
05:35Absolutely.
05:36No, I 100% agree.
05:38And speaking of fathers, I want to give a shout out to my father who's actually in the crowd.
05:42Oh, wow, your dad's here.
05:43My parents, my mom, and my dad.
05:44Yeah, definitely important.
05:49Both, again, being a father of three myself, but also having an amazing father who chose
05:55me.
05:56He's not my birth father, but he chose to be my father.
05:59And so I learned a lot from him, and I really appreciate him.
06:01I'm so glad he's here today.
06:04Speaking of, I'm going to go to what you said, Dee, about the examples that you had.
06:08So how did you learn to be a father?
06:11So I made, actually, I don't want to say it was a mistake.
06:15You know, when I became a parent, I was so angry with my own father that I tried to do
06:22everything that he didn't do.
06:24So I would kind of overcompensate because I was trying to, you know, I just wanted to
06:29be the type of father that I wanted.
06:30And then one day I realized, like, no, just be a great dad, you know?
06:34And I've been fortunate, you know, in my adult life to have been surrounded by men, black
06:41men in particular, who just kind of showed me the way.
06:45If I made a mistake or whatever it was, like, my brothers were always there, and they always
06:50had my back.
06:51So it was really about my community, you know, and how I learned to be a good dad.
06:56Ryan?
06:56You know, a lot of, for me, it was more of watching what my dad, grandfather, and other
07:05men in the community did.
07:07But I would also piggyback on what he just said.
07:10A lot of times you catalog things that you didn't personally experience.
07:16Yeah.
07:16And then you try to make sure that your children do not go through that same lack or that you
07:22experienced.
07:23But the biggest thing for me is that you really have to, there's no real true blueprint
07:28to being a father, because human beings are all unique and different.
07:32So you have to really study those kids and try to adapt and adjust to each one individually.
07:38So it's a challenge.
07:41Yeah, you're absolutely right.
07:42There's no blueprint.
07:44And, you know, I always ask my friends, my family, my brothers, whenever they are expecting,
07:49like, are you ready?
07:50Like, are you ready to be a father?
07:51It's a trick question, though, because the right answer is no.
07:54No, you're never ready.
07:55You're never ready.
07:57I've been a father now for 20 years.
07:58I get curveballs every week.
08:00It's something completely different.
08:02So you always got to be on the swivel, right?
08:05So you're never ready, and you're always learning.
08:07And all the examples that you have with your family, again, the men in your life, and the
08:13things that you see.
08:13You talk about television.
08:14We did a panel last year, and we were talking about sometimes you're Cliff Huxtable, sometimes
08:19you're Furious Styles from, you know, from Boys in the Hood.
08:23So, you know, you have to really take it all in, and it really takes all of that to be a
08:27good father.
08:29Jesse, you talked about it a little bit, but I wanted to go a little deeper on why you
08:34launched your platform.
08:35Yeah, so, again, I grew up without my pops, right?
08:39So, like, as I got into my mid to late 20s, I was always, like, you know, kind of just
08:45think about who I wanted to be as a black man and black father, and I realized I never really
08:48saw what that looked like.
08:49And I have a passion for community building, creating safe spaces, but then also storytelling.
08:54So me and our other co-founder, who's a good friend of mine, over 20-plus years, we
08:58grew up together.
08:59We played basketball together.
09:01We went to college together.
09:02We're like, how can we create a safe space for men and fathers to be able to share their
09:07stories?
09:07So I always say that it was a platform that was birthed, turning my pain into my purpose.
09:14So I grew up without my dad, but at the same time, I created this safe space for black
09:20men and black fathers to be able to share their stories, but then also get resources.
09:25So at the foundation, you know, I didn't have a father, right?
09:29You know, I'm not a father yet.
09:30You know, I strive to be, but this platform has helped so many men and fathers that, you
09:36know, it's truly a blessing.
09:38And when did you start it?
09:40We started the platform in September of 2019.
09:43And I said a million.
09:45Is that accurate?
09:47Like, what's your number?
09:48Well, social media-wise, we reach like five million-plus.
09:53But, you know, we just relaunched our podcast earlier this year with episodes with Shaq,
10:01Pusha T, just recently Master P, Young Jock, a few other guys.
10:06So, you know, things are going really well.
10:08No, that's amazing.
10:09So in five years, you've reached over five million people.
10:14And that's incredible, bro.
10:15That's incredible.
10:16Amazing.
10:16Shout out to you.
10:17I actually just love that he's not even a dad yet.
10:21Right.
10:21And I really do love that, that you are building this platform and you're not even a dad yet.
10:28And you're just so concerned about making sure that, like, you know, when you do have your
10:33child, if you, you know, that's what you choose to do, that you have resources.
10:37So commend you, brother.
10:39I appreciate that, man.
10:40So we talked about it a little bit, but as we just said, you know, you're never really
10:47ready to be a father.
10:49You're always getting ready.
10:51But what would you want black men to know about fatherhood?
10:57I'll start with you, D.
10:59Man, so I'm the father of two daughters.
11:02And I remember when my daughter was five, she was five years old, we didn't really have
11:09the resources to send her to what we considered to be like a proper daycare.
11:16You know, we had to, this was after my rap days when I was trying to find myself again,
11:21sent her like to this woman's house.
11:24She had a daycare at home.
11:26They called her auntie.
11:27And one day I went to pick her up from auntie's place and the kids were watching Judge Joe
11:33Brown.
11:35I'm not making this up.
11:36I was, I was livid.
11:38I was like, why are they watching this?
11:40Like, this doesn't make sense.
11:42And on our, on our walk, I mean, I said a couple of things, you know, a few more things
11:46after that, but on our walk home, on our walk home, all she kept saying to me was,
11:52I want to be a lawyer.
11:54I want to be a lawyer.
11:54She was five.
11:55Like, so to watch her on this journey to be her father and instead of, you know, my
12:02job was to just kind of like help, help guide her with her dreams.
12:06She never wanted to be anything else but a lawyer.
12:08That was it.
12:09So to watch her go to Spelman, then she went to Penn State Law School.
12:13And one day we're at, you know, a DJ for the Obamas.
12:16And one day we were at the house and she was talking to Michelle and, you know, Michelle
12:22told her a story.
12:22She was like, hey, my daughter was about to take the bar and she said, don't worry
12:26about it.
12:26I failed the bar the first time.
12:28If you fail, it's okay.
12:30And she was taking a New York bar and then she, she passed it, you know, first time.
12:34And it was just beautiful to just be like this dad who, my whole job was to just make sure
12:42that she found her way in life.
12:44And that is like, that's the biggest joy, like being the father, man.
12:48It's the biggest joy.
12:50Brian?
12:51Well, you know, I'm a, I'm the father of three children.
12:55I'm a daughter and two sons.
12:58One thing I want men to, to know is that there's a, not to be overburdened because you're still
13:07growing and you're evolving.
13:09And so you have this dynamic thing that's happening because you're growing and your children are
13:15growing at the same time.
13:16You have your own dreams and they have theirs too, but you're constantly modeling and not
13:22understand.
13:23You have to always know that the children are watching what you're doing.
13:26And so really just setting a foundation of that discipline and that work ethic.
13:31The other thing is that I've, and I see it more as my children get older, is that each
13:37one has a part of your personality within them and usually a part that you don't like,
13:42right?
13:43Right.
13:43Exactly.
13:44Exactly.
13:44So that's the, that's one of the challenge things that I've always had to try to deal
13:49with is so when I deal with my sons, primarily my sons, you know, we have this egotistical
13:56dynamic between us, but I love them all.
13:59But it's just, you see those things in them, like the headstrong part and you're like, man,
14:05I've seen that before.
14:06I think my parents have seen it as well.
14:09But that's one of the things that you just know is like, man, that is, they're evolving.
14:14You got to let them grow, but still try to keep them in line.
14:19No, definitely.
14:22Jesse, with the platform, have you seen anything or any information from any of the people that
14:28you just talked to or feature that you think should be included in this conversation about
14:33what black men should know about fatherhood?
14:34Yeah, I think the biggest thing that I see, and it's a broad, you know, just, you know,
14:41kind of thing that I see, but is that we're not alone.
14:44Black men, black fathers, you're not alone.
14:46There's guys going through the same thing all over, right?
14:50And I think the biggest thing that we all need as men is community.
14:54So even I thank you all for just allowing me to be in this space because each time I'm
14:59involved in these type of conversations, I learn something from each and every one of
15:03you, so, like, I think the biggest thing we need as men, and obviously I'm not a father
15:08yet, but as fathers, what I see is community.
15:10So I appreciate this platform and this space to just be able to connect with you brothers
15:15and learn something.
15:17Yeah, absolutely.
15:18You know, whenever I get that phone call of a nervous father-to-be, the main thing that
15:25I let them know is, one, you don't have to be perfect to be a father.
15:27Correct.
15:28Four, and two, your life is not over as you know it, because that's sometimes, that's the
15:33first thought, like, oh, man, I ain't going to be able to play Madden no more.
15:37I play Madden with my son.
15:39My son's in here.
15:40I used to play Madden with him on my lap, because I was like, I must keep playing Madden, and
15:44now me and him play against each other, and he's a 20-year-old college student.
15:48So you can bring yourself to fatherhood.
15:51You don't have to change yourself to be a father.
15:53So I think that's one of the things that I make sure everybody knows, and, you know,
15:57through experience.
15:58But, yeah.
16:00So we talk a little bit about, you know, some of the things we want folks to know, or brothers
16:05to know about being fathers.
16:07Are there any recent lessons?
16:09Because, again, you know, this thing evolves.
16:11So are there any recent new information that you've picked up about fatherhood that you
16:17want to talk about, Ryan?
16:20Well, it never ends.
16:23It never ends.
16:25I mean, I just think there's, it evolves.
16:27You know, you go from adolescence, teenagers, you know, all my kids have gone through college.
16:33So I've seen the growth.
16:37I've been blessed through our business.
16:39All three of my kids work for my company.
16:42That's incredible.
16:42So now I have a whole different kind of dynamic that is, we have a family dynamic, and then
16:49you actually have a professional relationship, which is extremely difficult to manage.
16:54But I'm working on that.
16:57But that's, but I mean, it's just, it's ever evolving because now they're going through,
17:01my daughter just recently got married.
17:02And so she's transitioning in her life.
17:07And my sons are dating, trying to find their next step.
17:11And so you're just giving advice, you know.
17:13So you're constantly, are constantly giving advice and leading your children.
17:18D, I'm going to just go in order.
17:19D.
17:19D, well, what have I learned recently?
17:22Recent.
17:24I will say this, just before the school year ended, my daughter asked, I have a 12-year-old
17:30daughter, 27-year-old and a 12-year-old daughter.
17:34And my 12-year-old, she goes to private school in Los Angeles, and she asked me if I would
17:38attend her debate.
17:41I was like, all right, cool.
17:42And went to this debate, and I sat in the back room, back of the classroom, and I watched
17:49these kids argue.
17:50Like, their argument was just great.
17:52Like, they were talking about fossil fuels.
17:54And I was sitting there looking at my kid, and like, when she got up to, yes, when she
17:59got up to just speak her part, I started tearing up, you know, because it's, for me,
18:06it's like, to watch your kids grow and to become their own person.
18:12And, you know, her personality is totally different than my oldest daughter, you know?
18:16And she was just brilliant.
18:18And I just felt like, wow, like, to be a parent, where, to be the type of parent that I am,
18:25and to be able to afford to send my kids to a proper school, to get the proper education,
18:31because it's extremely important.
18:32Like, we were very, even with my oldest daughter, it was important to me that she went to Spelman.
18:36You know, that's what I wanted.
18:38I wanted her to go to an HBCU.
18:40And it's important for me.
18:42Like, education is everything.
18:43I'm not the HBCU.
18:44Oh, that's what's up.
18:45But it's just great.
18:46It's important to me to make sure and ensure that my kids are, like, properly educated.
18:52And in that moment, I knew, like, no, allow her to be her own person.
18:58I'm not a dictator.
19:00I'm just there to help you, help guide you.
19:02And it's just beautiful to see, man.
19:06Justin, anything?
19:08Yeah, so I don't have anything to that, obviously, because I'm not a dad.
19:11But I will say this, though.
19:13You know, years ago, I was actually, like, just kind of hesitant or scared to have kids.
19:18Because, again, I never saw what that looked like, right?
19:20Like, in terms of being a father.
19:21But since starting a platform, you know, hearing the stories, having conversations like this right here, I'm actually looking forward to that moment.
19:29So, again, I appreciate you, brothers, for just being the pillars that you are in the community, but also the men that you are as fathers.
19:35Because it makes me excited about that moment.
19:38Yeah, Ryan, you're absolutely right.
19:41It never ends.
19:42You know, the stages change.
19:44You know, I recently now have two adult children.
19:48And I keep saying I've been promoted from father to advisor.
19:53Like, you don't have to do what I say, but I would give you some advice.
19:56So, all right, before we wrap up, because we're about to wrap this thing, I just wanted to give everybody an opportunity to talk about where people can get more information about you, your business, what you got coming up next.
20:07So, I'm going to start on that end, starting with you.
20:10Yeah, so you can follow me personally on Instagram at me, Jesse Alex.
20:14But then you can also follow Dear Fathers at Dear Die Fathers on Instagram and just search Dear Fathers on our platforms.
20:22Yeah, just stay tuned.
20:23You can go to our website, dearfathers.com, and join the community and stay updated on different events that we have coming up in different cities.
20:31We partner with different NBA and MLB teams to do this thing we call Dear Fathers Night, which is a pregame panel on fatherhood and mental health.
20:39And, yeah, just we got a lot of things going on.
20:41Again, a podcast.
20:43So, check us out on YouTube.
20:44Our most recent episode was with Master P.
20:47And we have some great episodes coming up.
20:50Thanks.
20:52D?
20:52I mean, I guess you can follow me on Instagram.
20:57Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it.
20:59This summer, I just have a bunch of gigs coming up.
21:02And everything's always on IG.
21:04Yeah, I'd rather pass it on because, yeah.
21:08QC?
21:08What are you doing, man?
21:10Who, me?
21:11What do you have coming up next?
21:13I get to go get on with the rest of my life after Essence Festival because, you know, my life is Essence Fest and then everything after Essence Fest.
21:20So, yeah.
21:22Actually, I'm going to go back.
21:23I am going to say something.
21:24I am involved in a couple of things.
21:26Sometimes I just don't talk about it because it's just my life and I love it.
21:31But I'm in different businesses and that's another thing that I'm excited about.
21:35You know, I'm a partner in the cognac.
21:37We have a cognac that was named the best cognac of 2024.
21:41It's fantastic.
21:42It's called Martingale.
21:43I have a plant.
21:45I'm a partner in a plant-based snack company called Outstanding Foods.
21:49And we do have, like, my personal flavor coming out towards the end of this year.
21:55And, you know, I'm just trying to always do things that I love.
21:58Well, it's terrible, but I do have a cigar as well with Alvaro.
22:02But that's what I love.
22:02Why are you trying to have nothing going on, man?
22:05Why are you going to want to say nothing?
22:06Yeah.
22:08Ryan, what you got going on?
22:09How can people learn more about you and your company?
22:12You can follow us on social media.
22:16Rycars Construction is the name of the company.
22:19Website is rycars.com.
22:22Me and myself.
22:24I'm on my Instagram handle is firstclassalldayeveryday.
22:29Okay.
22:29But I also would have liked to, I am here actually representing Son of a Saint.
22:35Yes.
22:36So I'll be remiss not to let everybody understand that Son of a Saint is a wonderful organization
22:41that I've had an opportunity to be chairman.
22:44I'm a board emeritus for the organization.
22:47And it ties in with this panel primarily because our whole mission is to support fatherless boys.
22:55The founder of the organization, Vivian Sonny Lee III, lost his father when he was three years old.
23:02And so we have 350 boys in our program.
23:05And we kind of put a whole bunch of mentoring and positive development for these young boys starting at the age of 10.
23:13And we monitor and work with them all over the age of 21.
23:18So sonofasaint.org, it's a great organization.
23:21I'd love for you to support and follow us.
23:25Well, I just want to say I appreciate every single one of you brothers for what you're doing
23:29to put the positive information out there about black fatherhood.
23:34You know, it's a lot of negative about us and that we are not there.
23:37But clearly we're here and we've got a platform to show that as well.
23:40So I appreciate this conversation.
23:42It's been a pleasure, you know, it's close to dear and dear to my heart.
23:45Shout out to my whole family and friends over there.
23:47Thank you all for coming to CB.
23:49It's time to go to the Superdome and put on that white, y'all.
24:00Thank you once again.
24:01Listen, Black Dads, Trent, Love, and Legacy.
24:03We appreciate the entire panel.
24:04Barclay, thank you.
24:05Ryan Burks, D-Nice, Jesse, Alex.
24:08Listen, y'all make sure you download that app for tonight.
24:11We appreciate you right here.
24:13All weekend long, Sway Bids Experience.
24:16Essence, hashtag 30 years.
24:19Hashtag Essence Fest up, Josh.
24:20You're hanging out right here.
24:22From the first time the doctor placed you in my arms.
24:24I knew I'd be there.
24:25Feel free to keep checking us out.
24:26Keep checking us out.
24:27Sway Bids Experience.
24:29All right.
24:31Stand it up.
24:32From the hospital that first night.
24:33Took an hour just to get the car seated right.
24:36People driving off fast got me kind of upset.
24:38Got you home safe.
24:39Placed you in your bassinet.
24:41That night, I don't think one wink I slept.
24:43As I slipped out my bed to your crib, I cracked.
24:45Touched your head gently.
24:47Felt my heart melt.
24:48Because I knew I loved you more than life itself.
24:50Into my knees.
24:51And I begged the Lord, please let me be a good daddy while he needs.
24:55Love, knowledge, discipline too.
24:57I pledge my life to you.
24:59Trust that you can trust.
25:02He can take it if he's like.
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