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00:00Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to Mother to Mother, what we tell our kids.
00:09I'm Jodi Patterson. I'm a mom of five, and I'm also the chair of the board of the Human
00:14Rights Campaign Foundation. And today I'm here with some incredible women who are also moms
00:19for hopefully a very vulnerable and valuable discussion conversation between Black moms
00:26and white moms. The goal today is to speak candidly on what we teach our children and what
00:31we can teach our children when it comes to race and color and privilege and power. As a mom of five
00:37children growing up in America, there's nothing else I want to speak about right now. There's no
00:42other conversation that I want to have rather than this one. I'm proud to be part of this circle of
00:46moms, and hopefully we'll be able to chat about mothering with a capital M, right? For me, mothering
00:52is building. It's taking a 360 look at the process of mothering, right? And this determines the
01:01strategy of keeping us all together, keeping families together and strong. I'm here with
01:05some great women. We have entertainer and mom of three, Alison Holker. Actress, star BT series,
01:13First Wives Club, and mom of two, Ryan Michelle Bethea. The chief strategy officer of the River
01:21and mom of two, Jovanna Gray Lockhart. An actress, producer, designer, and mom of three, Sarah Jessica
01:28Parker. Welcome moms. Thank you so much for having us. Thank you. So I want to start, I just want to
01:36take a pulse check, right? If you can, where are we today in this very moment as moms? There's a lot
01:42on our plate. But if you can all just give me one word, if you can, what does it feel like right now
01:50to be mothering in this time? Awesome. I'll start. I think if I picked one word, it would be
02:00vulnerable. You know, we, as parents are in a very different place where our kids really want to
02:10hear from us. They want to be involved and that can be scary, but it's also very inspiring to me.
02:16But I think as a mom, what I'm learning that I really want from my kids is to see that I might
02:23not have all the answers, you know, and I want them to feel comfortable with coming to me and asking
02:28something. And I might have to say, we're going to have to figure this out together. You know, I don't
02:34need to have all the answers as your parent, because I still, I'm still a student in life.
02:40You know, and that's scary as in real. Yeah, I hear you on that. Yeah. Right, Michelle.
02:49The word that keeps coming up for me is, is, is terrifying. You know, there's so many things
02:55that happened these, these past couple of months and weeks, the world has turned on a dime so quickly
03:03at every point, um, that I'm so used to, you know, we build for our children this, this sort of like
03:12schedule, right? Everything is scheduled and they like consistency. Children need consistency as long
03:18as you're consistent. And that's the one thing that we can't, I, I feel that I can't give them right now
03:24because we have no, I just feel like from moment to moment, I have no idea what's coming next.
03:31And without being able to provide them that sort of, I'm trying to redefine what consistency means
03:38for me so that I'm not so terrified, you know, so that that word doesn't take on such a, um, uh,
03:45a meaning that, that I, I can't achieve. I have to readjust my expectations and readjust what consistency
03:51means so that I can provide that for myself and then my children.
03:58Flexibility is terrifying for people who like routine and schedule and control mothers, right?
04:04Yeah.
04:05Giovanna?
04:07Frankly, I've been humbled. Um, I didn't realize how much my kids needed me as a working mom who,
04:16you know, has set up a great life for them. I thought that beyond the basics, they were,
04:23they were covered, they were okay. Um, but my choices, the words I use, the choices that I make
04:30about the type of work I do, the type of conversations and people I have around me,
04:34that's really shaping who they are. And so I've just, in this moment of reflection,
04:41really found myself being humbled by the task of raising them. Yeah. Beautiful. Sarah, Jessica?
04:50Um, I think the word that comes to mind lately is, um, vigilance. Um, and I think in large part,
04:58because of what so many of you have said, um, partly because the conversations that are necessary,
05:07that are important, that are often heart-rending, that are inspiring, are really complicated. I,
05:17you know, I have a son that's almost 18. I have daughters that just turned 11 last week. So the,
05:22the tone of the conversations are different. Um, uh, the urgency, the urgency of the conversation,
05:30you know, changes as, as has been described, you know, time collapses and things are changing so
05:36radically. There's really exciting conversations about policy. There's conversations about what is
05:43happening on the streets and why. And, and it's, um, confounding as described, you know, it's, um,
05:52it's really challenging to get it right, to not have the answers. But I say vigilance or to be
05:58vigilant because I don't want to give up as sometimes to retreat because it's overwhelming
06:05because I don't have the answers because it changes because there's so much grief and we're talking
06:11about it and feeling it and seeing it. I don't want to be, um, confounded so much that I step back
06:20for a minute because there just doesn't seem time anymore to make that choice. So I try to be as
06:26vigilant. I try to talk about it and read them, try to understand the questions they're asking and
06:31how far they want to go and how much do I want to push. Um, but we all sort of have demanded it of
06:39each other around the dinner table in passing. And I just don't want to give up even at its most
06:46uncomfortable. So to be vigilant as a parent right now is my goal. I think that the word vigilant is
06:54so important. I mean, we look at this moment and it feels like nothing we've ever seen before,
06:59but if we talk to our parents, it's a very similar moment. I mean, if you look at 68 when King was
07:05murdered and you look at today in 2020, when George Floyd was murdered in public view,
07:11we can see that there after a moment when everyone is charged up in 68 and coming together,
07:17there, there have been rollbacks, right? And I'm so vigilant is vigilance is so important to stick with
07:24our eyes wide open. I'm curious to know by show of hands, how many of us have shown the video and
07:30shared the video of George Floyd with our children?
07:35Yeah. So three out of five, how, and this is, you know, how do we share such a heavy,
07:47such a brutal moment with children? Can you explain how and how you did that? I just want,
07:54because people are curious, what moms are curious, how can we give them the truth? How can we inform
07:59them without breaking them? Well, I'll say that, um, I was terrified to see it. You know, I, I read about
08:07it. I kept hearing about it, but I was, I was afraid of the brutality. I don't think I, I know I'd never
08:17seen anything like that. And, and I didn't want to offer it as something I felt my children should see
08:22until I understood what, what the impact would be on me and how I might find words, how I could convey
08:34not only my reaction, but why I felt it was necessary. And they are just 11 new 11s,
08:40but they were talking about it and talking about it and talking about it. And they were consumed,
08:46I think in a healthy way by what they felt was happening. So, you know, my, my 17 year old son,
08:53very different than shepherding my 11 year old daughters. And I, I assume some people might
08:58find it irresponsible. It's, you know, arguable whether, but I know what my parents did. I know
09:06what they made me hear and listen to and watch and witness. I think I'm better for it. So I made the
09:14choice as a parent and it, it fired up my daughters. It really, I mean, they don't need to see it. They
09:22don't need to, they don't need to, well, it's not something that I feed them. It's no overdosing of it.
09:28Yeah. Yeah. But I think, you know, they've not exhibited, you know, you're from, I mean,
09:35that hasn't affected them except that they want to be active citizens. They want to see the kind of
09:42change that they believe and understand this country promise. Yeah. Alison, how about you and
09:49your family? Well, you know, my daughter, excuse me, sorry. My daughter is 12 years old. So I feel
09:56you on that. Like there's a lot of heaviness with allowing her at her age to see this video,
10:04but I felt it was very important. Now I didn't need to, I didn't show the whole thing though. You know,
10:10I think I gave her a clip into it, which I think she felt the energy of it and she understood what
10:15happened. But I also feel like we allow our children to see these movies with superheroes,
10:23with all this content, they play these video games, but then we don't want to show it in real time.
10:30In real time. In real time. These things, these things are in movies because they're telling a story
10:35what really happened at some point, you know, and so if we're going to allow our kids to see
10:41these battles and these fights happening, I think it's important to say that this isn't fake,
10:47you know, and it's really, it's hard and it's heavy, but this is a real thing that's happening.
10:53And another point that I've actually learned that I didn't even realize, I think fully in my brain as
10:59a parent at this time is our kids in elementary are doing drills for school shootings. Yeah. You know,
11:07and so these kids are way more aware than we even already understand. So I think the dialogue is very
11:16important to start in the household, um, where they feel like they can bring up the awareness. And
11:23I know, um, this is very scary to bring up, but I'm just going to kind of go there.
11:29Um, my daughter was in the LAUSD, um, public school system out here in LA and they had, um,
11:37this is very scary to say a bomb threat at, um, the LAC program a couple of years ago,
11:44and they weren't allowed at school for two weeks while they searched all the schools. And my daughter
11:50was only in fourth grade and had to be like, mom, we told, we were told there's, they told these kids
11:57openly what had happened. They couldn't hide it from the kids. But so since my daughter was in fourth
12:02grade, we had to start having these discussions that were, I mean, no one expects as a parent to be
12:09having those conversations, especially at an age like that. But that's why these kids, when I look at
12:16Gen Z and I see them on the front lines protesting it, they're very aware of what's happening and
12:21they want it. You know, and I know it's really scary to bring that up, but that happened to my
12:26house. I had to go home and talk to her about it. Yeah. I'm glad you're bringing this up because as,
12:35you're frozen on my screen, I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm glad that you're bringing
12:38up what we can do at home to combat what we're experiencing in our schools. Our children spend so much
12:44time in school. And what I'm noticing is there are these Instagram pages that are being set up by
12:51alumni from some of our most prestigious schools, some of the highly recommended places to send our
12:57children for education. And the students are telling stories of racism and discrimination and
13:03unjust treatment that are heartbreaking. We know them, but every time I read them, I'm like, oh,
13:08it makes me so scared and sad and angered. How are we addressing as moms what they're experiencing
13:15in school? Because for so many years, it's gone unaddressed. And I want to know if we're talking
13:21about how has any of us talked about what they're experiencing in schools?
13:27Jodi, I thought it was interesting when you asked us to show our hands. And Ryan, Michelle,
13:34and I did not raise our hands. And I have a four year old and a five and a half year old. And so while
13:41I didn't show them the video, I did talk to them about what had happened. And I didn't do it right away
13:48because I honestly didn't know how. And I had a, you know, a text chain with other mom friends,
13:54all discussing how, how, when, what's the right age. And what we came up with was
14:02talk about something you can do, and then work it back from there. So we organized a little family
14:08oriented protest in this tiny town where we're quarantining. And that's when the kids asked,
14:15okay, what does Black Lives Matter mean? And while my kids don't understand what privilege means at their
14:21age, they do know what it means to be lucky. So to answer the question you just asked, I mean,
14:29we're raising our kids in New York City intentionally, despite how difficult and expensive
14:35it is to do so. But because we want to make sure that they grow up with diversity around them,
14:42because by virtue of the fact of being our kids, they're going to have a certain amount of privilege.
14:48So talking about that at an early age, I've noticed was the what right way in with them.
14:53And then talking about race and police. And I mean, gosh, the superhero thing is really tough,
15:00because of my four year old son is obsessed with superheroes. And he thought that policemen
15:06were superheroes. And I said, Yeah, no, they're, you know, they're not. It is, but I was,
15:12he could take it in at this age. It wasn't so crushing. I think if I had waited, it would be
15:18different. So if anything, I wish I had started talking to them about race sooner than now.
15:25Do they see? Do they see race in your opinion? Yeah. Absolutely. Ryan, Michelle,
15:33do your children see race? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. My oldest son is very, very, very aware. He's
15:45always just been very aware and present. Like I, you know, I tried very hard to keep Santa
15:51class in the house by four and a half. He was like, if there was a Santa class, why are there
15:57homeless children? Why doesn't Santa bring them home? I had absolutely no answer. So he's just
16:04been that aware as like, just that kid. And we also live in Los Angeles too. So we've had to be very
16:13mindful because that's, that's actually one of the reasons why we put him in a public school system,
16:19because I didn't know how to navigate the private school system in Los Angeles as a Black mother
16:27with a Black child, right? And a Black husband. I didn't know how to navigate
16:34being an angry Black woman if something happened to my child. I didn't know how to navigate
16:40him being seen as difficult. So I've noticed that in some of our most prestigious
16:46schools across the country, places where we are sending our children to with faith that they
16:53will educate them, our children are experiencing race and prejudice and unfair treatment. And a lot
16:59of alumni are setting up IG pages that describe the pain that they've gone through and the racism
17:07that they've experienced. I'm wondering how parents, how mothers in particular, how we
17:10have addressed that at home. Do we have the words to help our children navigate what they're experiencing,
17:17the racism that they're experiencing at school? Anyone?
17:24Well, I'll jump in because I have two Black children and my oldest is in the elementary system. My youngest is
17:33still in preschool. And we made a conscious choice, my husband and I, to put him in public school,
17:42particularly because we felt like, I personally felt like I didn't know how to navigate. I went to a
17:48public school myself, but it was also, I experienced a ton of racism. It was a very privileged community
17:54in Stanford, Connecticut, Fairfield County. For those of you on the East Coast, you know what I'm talking
17:59about. And while it was not a private school, it may as well have been, given the resources, the
18:06economics, the economics that we had. So I actually made the choice to put my oldest in public school
18:12because I knew that in the public school system, particularly here in Los Angeles, and the school
18:17that we sent him to, which is a language immersion school, that the majority of his teachers would be
18:22brown. You know, he doesn't have any black teachers, but he has a, he had a brown principal. And I felt
18:30more comfortable because I know that brown children often, you know, have the same struggles as our
18:38little black boys and girls. And I just felt more comfortable that way. And I didn't want to put him
18:44in a situation where we, he would have to fight every single day.
18:47And have you had to follow up experiences that they've, that they've had at school,
18:55at home, at the dinner table and sort of break them apart and help them navigate their school
18:59experiences? Or have the experience has been perfect?
19:02No, they have not been perfect. There have been a few instances. And my child is not perfect,
19:11please, to be clear. You know, but there have been a few instances that we had to just sort of talk
19:18through with him. And my husband is a much more, you know, I feel like he's exposed our children
19:24to things a little bit earlier than I wanted him to, if I had, you know, had a choice. But,
19:31you know, we, he's very mature, my oldest, and we have had to talk certain things through. We have had
19:36to say, you've had to explain to him, yes, this racism exists in the world, but it's still your
19:43responsibility to match your behavior when you can, to, to meet the moment. And I'm not going
19:49to be with you all the time. And you are going to have to meet the moment.
19:52Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting, because I think as, as our, as our families change,
19:58as our social groups widen, our children are seeing the world differently, oftentimes than we do. I mean,
20:04I'm a mother of a trans child, a gender queer child, and they see in many instances the world
20:10differently. Right. And so, because of the way we marry and how diverse our families are,
20:15oftentimes moms are forced to see the world through our children's eyes. And so I'm curious to know
20:22how that's affected us. Have we changed, have we changed the way we've seen police brutality?
20:27Do we change the way we see race because of our children? Does anyone?
20:30Well, I will start by saying, you know, my husband is black and my oldest daughter is 12 and she's
20:36white, but then we have two mixed children that are four and seven months old. So it's a very
20:42interesting dynamic because my daughter kind of came into this and had to learn a lot. Right. So
20:49our conversation, the older daughter, huh? Yes. Okay. And, um, you know, I think something that's been
20:58very important is we are seeing this police brutality, which is kind of raising all these
21:04conversations. But beyond just that conversation, what I've been talking with my daughter about is
21:10being 12 years old, there's racism starting at schools with just conversations, just in tone,
21:18in teacher discipline, in the healthcare system and seeing who thinks you can handle what kind of,
21:26you know, um, there, there's just, it's all over the place. So I wanted to teach her that at your age,
21:32you can actually spot it and hopefully bring some awareness to someone. Maybe if they say something
21:36inappropriate, you know, so I think sometimes people forget there's so many different levels to
21:41racism, you know, and it's, it's in so many different places, you know, and it's her job,
21:48you know, when being the older sibling of these two younger, like she might, at some point,
21:54even though they're very young now, she might have to step up for that at some point,
21:58you know, her friends, you know, because we are fortunate to be here in LA and her,
22:05oh my gosh, I love her group of friends. It's so diverse. Everyone's got their own opinions
22:10and they talk about these topics. But being that she is white, I was like, I want you to know you
22:16do have a privilege, but with that, you need to know that we do not live from it.
22:20Yeah. Do something with it. Do something with it, but don't abuse it ever. You know,
22:27like that's not what we do. And it starts at your age being aware of it, you know? And so I know she's
22:33had conversations with her friends, you know, but if you hear something at school, you need to step in,
22:39you know? And so, you know, it's, I think sometimes people jump to that top tier when there's
22:44so many levels. It's so deep rooted that those conversations are important from the,
22:49you know, the whole way of the ladder. And I think the other thing that's
22:56really been enormously transformative is that, you know, you can think you've lived in a
23:06progressive home and you've had conversations and race and equality has been part and parcel of,
23:14you know, the way you live your life, the way you parent. But then something happens
23:20specifically, um, the killing of Mr. Floyd and the plates shift. And
23:28you realize that, um,
23:32they're seeing race now in an entirely different way because it commands the conversation shift.
23:37And what I think is important is also to talk about, like you've just mentioned, you know,
23:44access to healthcare, how are we funding our public schools, housing, um, issues of wage,
23:51you know, all the things that play a huge part in all, I think are hand in glove in this conversation
23:59about equality. And so, so when, you know, when we think we've talked about race,
24:05we haven't, if we can't have the far more global conversation, I think about the ways in which
24:14inequality has insidiously sort of been accepted. And, um, and what we can do about that as well,
24:22and how do we want to be active citizens? And that's about like voting. And why is it so important
24:28for young people to work on campaigns? You know, that's what I grew up doing. I couldn't work for
24:33government, but damn sure my mom made us work the polling places and drive, you know, drive people to
24:39the polling places and knock on doors and canvas and lick envelopes. And that is how you get involved. So
24:47the conversation I think has, has fortunately, um, allowed for the, the, you know, the other parts
24:57of these, this puzzle that can be addressed and solved. And you grew up, who knew, I didn't know,
25:05as an activist and an activist family. And I'm sure that shaped the way that you're approaching now.
25:11And I want to hear a little bit more about that. I want to ask this question. So if we are looking at,
25:16um, just take black lives matter as an example, there are so many nuances to that, because we have
25:23not all been taught to connect the dots, right. And so we'll see that we have to remind folks, black
25:29lives matter also means black trans lives matter. And that also means black women, their lives matter.
25:35Right. And so if we're looking at the very nuanced conversation of allied ship, how do we teach our
25:41children? Let's say we didn't grow up as activists. How do we teach our children today to be activists
25:47and to be allies? What does real allied ship look like? Anyone take that? I know it's a big conversation.
25:53We can all get to it. I didn't grow up as an activist, although I, I, um, was one in my heart.
26:01And so my parents were forced to sort of like make room for that where they could. Um, but for me,
26:08representation matters so much and electing black women has been something that I've focused on in
26:14the last few years, working closely with higher heights and awesome organization that helps fund
26:20black women candidates. I just think when my kids see me doing that work, when we have candidates
26:26to our home for an event, they're there in their pajamas, usually sitting down in the living room,
26:32listening to what these candidates have to say, they may not understand it. But when I explain this
26:37woman wants to represent us and the things that we care about to protect all of the people in this
26:44country and to give people opportunities that you have, but not everybody else has. And I think that's
26:52the way that I show up at least as an ally, um, for them. Um, because it's just, that didn't exist
27:01when I, you know, growing up in the eighties, I mean, there, it just, it wasn't the same, unfortunately,
27:06as, as Sarah Jessica's experience, but hopefully my kids will take that on and become activists themselves
27:13when they have, uh, a little more, a few more years under their belt.
27:16Yeah. Demonstrating, modeling. Ryan, Michelle?
27:19Yeah. Yeah, that is, that's excellent. I mean, I think the best way to be an ally is to use your
27:26vote, you know, in the most concrete way. I mean, I've gotten, you know, so many black women have texted
27:33me like, girl, how many white people have asked me what they can do? And it's, you know, it's, it's,
27:40it's kind and it's thoughtful, but it's also overwhelming. I'm like, I don't know. But I'm
27:46so glad you said that because it's true. Vote. Vote. Organize candidates. Vote. Organize candidates.
27:52You can go to Ballotpedia and find out all of the ballots and races in the country. You can be
27:58involved. You can send $5 here. You can make a stamp here. And voting is key. Voting is the most
28:06direct action. If you want to be an ally, put black women in office, put black trans men in office,
28:11put people in office who are going to fight for our rights and represent us, and then hold those
28:17people accountable. Accountable. Yeah. Absolutely. I think another thing with allyship is I've heard
28:24someone else say this, and I just found it to be very profound and resonated with me that it's not
28:29enough to say that you're not a racist. It's just not enough. You've got to sign petitions. You've got to
28:35let your voice be heard. You've got to have those conversations with someone that you might have
28:38known has said something inappropriate. It's speaking out and making people own up to the
28:47fact that they need to maybe have their eyes opened. Instead of just sitting back and letting
28:51stuff keep happening and keep going by and keep going by. It's voting, but it's also signing the
28:57petitions. It's donating money where you can and getting involved with your local communities.
29:04I think sometimes people forget that there's so much you can do for your town
29:08and your little neighborhood that would even make a change. And it might take you one day out of the
29:14year that you go volunteer your time and really get involved and see someone, actually a person,
29:18but I think we forget sometimes as a community that you actually can physically go out and do something.
29:24I love what you said. It's not enough to say I'm not racist. And I also would say it's not enough to say
29:30with words, I believe in diversity and inclusion, right? We have to actually live life that way.
29:35And I remember a few years ago, I looked back at my Facebook friends and I said, well, wait a minute,
29:41my Facebook community looks just like me. Black woman, cisgender, educated, over 40, mother,
29:48upper middle class. Well, that I thought was a good thing, but it's actually not realistic to the world.
29:52It's not even representative of my family. So I'm curious to know. And so I made a conscious decision
29:58to expand my friend group and my children's to include gender diversity and many ways being
30:06diverse. I'm wondering how do your children's friends group actually look versus what you would
30:12want them to look like? And are you actively working to expand your friend groups on your level
30:18and on your children's level? Anyone can take that. I will say that it's my children's,
30:29once again, three children, different lives, different personalities. But there is some diversity,
30:36diversity, but it's not satisfying. And, you know, that's, you know, in large part due to,
30:44you know, the school, you know, how those circles sort of, so it is something we talk about.
30:53I don't think for me that my circle professionally and personally is diverse enough. And it's,
31:02you know, I think it's something we actually talk about a lot. But, but it's, you know, and, and so
31:10how, you know, how do you grow that authentically? Where are you? Where is there a place for you to,
31:18you know, to reach out? How do you, you know? And I had that same awkward moment.
31:24Yeah, it's awkward. But I actually took the awkward moment and I made it even more awkward,
31:28but more intentional. And I told my children, we don't have any friends who are gender nonconforming,
31:33trans, intersex, and queer. And this year, all of our friends, all of our new friends,
31:40keep your old friends, but your new friends have to be intersex, gender nonconforming, trans. And they
31:45thought that was really strange. But it's the only, you have to be very intentional in terms of expanding
31:50our friend group. And so, again, I will put that out there. How diverse are our friends and our
31:56children's friends? I mean, I feel very fortunate. I think my husband being black, me being white,
32:03we're also dancers. And I feel like the dance community is very, very all, everyone is welcome.
32:11And so I feel very fortunate that our friend group has always been very diverse, gender friendly across
32:18the board. And a lot, I mean, our friends coming over, I mean, you're going to get one of everything,
32:25if I'm honest, which is beautiful. And I feel very fortunate to have been a part of that and seeing
32:29that. And my kids get to see that. So my kids friends groups as well are just as diverse.
32:36I feel like, but I will say it's because I'm in the dance community,
32:39you know, and it's chosen family. Yeah. You know, so if I'm honest, a lot of trans and in the gay
32:50community, a lot of them feel comfortable in the dance community because where they can express
32:53themselves. So they all fall into that category because it is such an open, warm place for them.
33:00So I do feel very fortunate that that world that I have grown up in has always been that way. So I
33:06didn't even know any different for myself. Jessica, are you about to say something?
33:11I was just going to say, you know, because I am an actor and have worked in, you know,
33:17the theater and film and spent a lot of years in fashion. You know, part of that is far more
33:26fulfilled. I think the place that we as a family socially lack is in color, frankly. You know,
33:34I work in the theater, so it's a fairly integrated community. And, you know, lots and lots of gay
33:43friends and trans friends. And it's been a huge part of my life. But I think it's color, frankly,
33:51that is lacking. And, you know, that's the area that I feel is underserved in our lives in a way
34:01that's more meaningful in the way you've described and requires that awkward, you know, that mandated
34:10mom mandated parties. How enormously satisfying to find those new friendships, by the way. How good for
34:17all of us. So, you know. And it takes some time. I'm glad that you recognize it. It needs to be mandated
34:22by moms. We need to give ourselves some time, but we will evolve. I want to make sure that we get one
34:27last question in, which for me is, as a mother of a Black child, and anyone here on the panel,
34:32as a mother of a Black child, can you give us some direction for our listeners who are non-Black
34:40folks? What is it that you would like us to know about your child who is Black? And how was your
34:47suggestion on fostering equality, equanimity between Black children and non-Black children?
34:52It's huge. That is an enormously huge question, but it's also a question that I deal with every single
35:02day. I want, we have a very diverse friend group, right? And I want my white friends to know, my white
35:13mother friends to know that when I send my child with you, I hold my breath for like just a minute.
35:24Yes, the typical mom, my child's leaving, but also I don't know how to express to my white mom friend,
35:33please, you gotta have an extra eye for my Black son. Because if my Black son is playing with your white
35:40son and somebody drives by and says something to a police officer, my son is now, his life is in
35:48danger. And I don't know how to have that conversation with my white mom friend. Because I feel like if I
35:55do, I don't know if I'm going to be met with, you're playing the race card or that's ridiculous. And that
36:02would hurt me so deeply. So as a mom, I'm constantly in this situation where I just want to be free to
36:10express to you as a white mom what I'm feeling as a Black mom and how I see the dangers that my Black
36:17son has to go through that I wish I could share with you. I wish I could share that with you. I
36:23wish that I could share these things in a safe space as a mom without you feeling like I'm making
36:28something up. That's my one wish, you know? So powerful.
36:33If I give my child to you and let you go with them, there is such a level of trust that I've
36:40developed with you that you gotta know what that is.
36:47It's an open conversation.
36:49It's an open conversation between moms so that you can then see my children. So you can see me and then you can see them.
36:57I want to thank you for being so open with that answer. And I know we have a closing moment to
37:03happen right now. We can't go on all day, although I could speak with you all day about this. Giovanna,
37:08just can you give me a thought in response to what we just heard as a mother of white children?
37:13Just a closing thought and then I'm going to close up with a few words as well.
37:17Sure. I thought it was beautiful what you just said, Ryan, Michelle. And I, as a white mom,
37:24would be very open to having that conversation if you and I had kids in the same class. So I,
37:31I am open to those conversations and I'm open to changing my behaviors just as I'm open to creating
37:37the space that women need to have right in our friendships or professionally to say,
37:43let's just get it out there and talk about it and not just talk, but act. I think that's the thing.
37:49Like we're grown women. We know how to do things, right? We know how to make things happen. It means
37:55that we know how to make things, make changes in our lives, in our friend circles, in our kids' lives.
38:01So I'm committed to creating that space in my life and my family for that.
38:05Thank you so much. I just want to say thank you, Alison, Ryan, Michelle, Giovanna,
38:10Jessica. This was more than I wanted, more than I expected. I would love some more talk with you,
38:17but I appreciate the honesty, the openness. And I hope that as moms, we realize it starts with us.
38:22We are the leaders of our teams. And if we are going to change anything, it's going to happen
38:26in the home and then hopefully beyond in the world. So thank you so much. And all the listeners,
38:30thank you for tuning in. Thank you. I would love to do this. You ladies are amazing. We had to do
38:36dinner. Yeah. Great. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for the open space.
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