- 10 minutes ago
While the holidays can be a joyous time, they can also be a very heavy one for those who are coping with the loved ones. We spoke to several wellness experts to help us ease the pain and identify our feelings during this time.
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00:00Feel your feelings, right? I think it's so important that we take time to acknowledge
00:04what I feel. Really sit with it, right? Name those emotions, right? Take some time,
00:10do some breathing, find out what am I feeling?
00:17Hi, Essie. To continue our wellness check series, we're discussing holiday grief,
00:22which is an important and timely topic. We're excited to share space with psychotherapist
00:27Brittany Phillips and yogi and founder of Freedom at the Mat, Olivia F. Scott, for a helpful and
00:33enlightening conversation on addressing, managing, and working through your grief. Welcome, ladies.
00:39We're excited to have you. Hi, I'm Brittany. Hey, Essie. Hello. Hello. So, Brittany, while the
00:46holidays can be a joyous time, they can also be a very heavy one for those who are coping with the
00:51loss of the loved ones. Why is it a time like this, Christmas especially, can be so triggering?
00:59That's a great question. And I think, I'm glad you guys are even making space to have this
01:04conversation because the holiday season is just one of those times where we set aside intentional time
01:10to be with friends and families and loved ones, from holiday parties to family gatherings.
01:16It's just a time of celebration and connection. So, when we think about grief, right, and think about
01:23losing loved ones, it's that loss of connection that we've had. One way that we describe grief is
01:29the loss of connection. So, with Christmas and other holidays around this season, it's triggering because
01:34we don't have that time with those special loved ones that we've lost or aren't able to stay in
01:41contact and go into those rituals and routines and traditions that those normally would.
01:45And so, them not being there is a constant reminder of that heavy loss and that heavy grief.
01:51So, that's why the holidays is such a triggering time for those who are walking through this grief
01:56journey. And I'll also add this one other little piece. When we think about grief, a lot of times
02:00we think about just loved ones that we've lost, but grief kind of expands into just other areas of
02:05loss in general. So, that could be maybe you recently lost a job or you lost your home or something of
02:11that nature. And so, the holidays can be triggering for that grief as well.
02:15Because you lost that routine, that ritual, those traditions that you normally have, you're not
02:19able to provide for your family. And so, you may be experiencing grief symptoms, even though maybe
02:24you haven't lost a loved one. So, there's a huge spectrum that we're looking at when we talk about
02:28grief.
02:30So, how can one address their grief during the holidays, especially if everyone around them is
02:35joyful and struggles to relate?
02:37Oh, that's so hard. I think one thing that I would encourage people to that I do in my practice is
02:45number one, I have the saying, I say, feel your feelings, right? I think it's so important that
02:49we take time to acknowledge what we feel. Really sit with it, right? Name those emotions, right? Take
02:56some time. Do some breathing. Find out what am I feeling? Where am I feeling it in my body? What is it
03:02saying? Is this anger? Is this guilt? Is it resentment? Is it sadness? Depression? Right?
03:08Naming that feeling, acknowledging it, and sitting with it. And then after that, you can move into
03:13like some more coping strategies. But I think the biggest thing is feeling your feelings, acknowledging
03:18it, and then also connecting. Because a lot of times, when we have lost loved ones or, you know,
03:24other things that are close to us, we want to go into isolation. Kind of just be by ourselves,
03:30we'll stay by ourselves. It's a form of protection, but it also is not helpful on our healing journey.
03:35So I would say feeling your feelings and being connected with others around you that love you.
03:40Thank you so much for sharing that, Brittany. Super helpful. Now, Olivia, you're a yogi. So can you
03:47speak to the importance of movement when moving through grief?
03:51Absolutely. So, and Brittany, that was so beautiful. I was resonating with so much of what you were saying
03:55for myself. I think a recent loss of a relationship triggered me at Thanksgiving. I'm like,
03:59that's why that happened, right? It wasn't the loss of my mother and my sister. That was really
04:04helpful. So thank you. So, Dominique, you know, I think all of us can relate to a feeling in our
04:13body, a heartbreak, a heartache, that is with us. And we feel it. And we're just like, feel it.
04:21What happens with movement is a couple of things. One, you are actually getting your blood to flow.
04:28You're reminding yourself that you're still alive. You still got all this stuff happening,
04:32but you're still alive. That's one thing. And then from a real scientific perspective,
04:38you have these feel-good neurotransmitters called endorphins. And those are released
04:44when your body's moving, right? So you want to make sure that you are easing any anxiety,
04:52any depression by moving your body. There is a study, 2021 Harvard Public School of Health.
05:01They have a study that says that 15 minutes of running and one hour of walking actually has the
05:09potential to reduce your risk of major depression by 26%, right? And for me, that was a stat that really
05:17resonated with me because I was like, I'm always, always doing the most. Sometimes, right? I live
05:22by myself, moved to New Orleans, New York, and I'm trying to find people I connect with. So I put a
05:26lot of time on myself, work by myself, work at home, whatever. So I will bookend my day with movement.
05:32Walk in the morning, go boxing at night. Swim in the morning, walk at night, right? And there's just
05:37this movement that I'm doing to keep myself grounded.
05:42Thank you so much for sharing that. Now we're going to task you, Olivia, with sharing some demos.
05:50Yes, we've got a couple of things for you. I am very aware and thank you for the opportunity. I'm
05:54very aware that everybody is into yoga and I want to say a couple of things to get going. I have a
05:58couple of things we'll do here in a little meditation, but I want this to be for anybody,
06:03no matter like what, what able body you have, right? What level, but if yoga is just not your thing,
06:10that's fine. There is pimple ball, there is grapple ball, there is zumba, there is twerking,
06:17roll it to whatever movement that your body, what feels natural to you, roller skating,
06:22whatever feels natural to you, I invite you to find that, right? So I invite you right now just to
06:27find an easy pose. I love being on the ground. It's my favorite place in the entire world,
06:34which is why I created Freedom at the Mat, just to kind of find a little resting place on the mat.
06:38So if you guys would, whoever is watching, you're inspired to kind of find yourself grounded on the
06:45ground. Now, if you're like, I don't want to get on the ground because I don't want to do that,
06:48that's fine too. But I invite you to uncross your legs and put the skulls of your feet,
06:53connect those with the earth. So just do that for a moment. Find yourself grounded.
07:00Go ahead and close your eyes, if you will. And let's do a body scan. So starting with
07:09our feet, just inhaling, giving some presence to the sole of your feet, the arch, the heel.
07:20Inhale as you breathe up your leg, your calf, your knees, your thighs, your hips. Understanding you
07:34are in the center of your gravity. Giving some acknowledgement to your abs. Go ahead and inhale
07:42and exhale here. Allow the breath to come up the front of your body. And take your right
07:51hand, if you will, and take the right hand, place it across your chest, across your heart.
07:55And just inhale and exhale. And if there's nothing more that you do today, if this is the extent
08:09that you can do, if your grief is burdening you so much, the loss of your loved one or relationship
08:18or job, can you give some comfort to your soul, to your heart right now? Through your breath.
08:33Slow breathing. Inhale. One, two, three, four. Hold for two. Exhale. Four, three, two, one.
08:49Take your left hand across the right hand. Fingertips are slightly grazing across your shoulders.
08:57Allow the elbows to kind of just relax.
09:02You are safe.
09:05You are safe.
09:08I invite you in this moment
09:12to send some loving kindness
09:14and some grace and some grace to yourself.
09:19Although you may be hurting.
09:23I invite you to think about positive memories
09:27that person's face with your dearly departed.
09:34Inhale.
09:35And
09:36If you would please,
09:40if I would do a quick moment,
09:42can you think about that person's face, if it's indeed a person?
09:50You're struggling right now
09:53to move forward in this life without the comfort of that person.
09:58eyes closed,
09:59eyes closed,
10:01eyes closed,
10:02inner gaze focused on the space between your two eyebrows.
10:06And in that space between your two eyebrows,
10:09can you bring the smile,
10:11and feel the laughter of that person back to visit with you just a moment?
10:21Continue breathing, continue breathing.
10:24You might have thought your heart was going to stop
10:26not with the loss of that person,
10:30but through your breath if you're able to continue.
10:37And in this moment, final couple of seconds,
10:43connect your heart with that person's heart.
10:47Perhaps you actually visualize your heart or your hands reaching out to that person.
10:56You might have thought your heart or your hands reaching out to that person.
11:01Inhale and exhale.
11:04And go ahead and release the right arm and the left arm.
11:10Slowly open your eyes.
11:14Go ahead and extend those arms out to your side.
11:17I'm going to keep it seated.
11:20Right palm up, left palm down, reaching that right arm up,
11:25unhunching shoulder blades, bring the shoulder blades back and down.
11:29Reaching up and over, giving that side body a stretch.
11:35Feeling the blood, the circulation move from your waist all the way through the hand.
11:41Beautiful Dominique.
11:43I love that you're looking at your hand.
11:46Then reach the arm back up.
11:48Allow the hand to reach the mat again.
11:52Same thing opposite side.
11:53Arms up.
11:56Over.
12:02Come back to center.
12:03I know we're rushing on time.
12:05So release that hand.
12:07And I'd like for you to, if you are seated, or if you're on the ground, or if you're in a chair,
12:13just reach your arms up, legs extending before you.
12:16And then if you can, just reach forward.
12:18And as you reach forward, hands connect wherever they do with your feet and your legs.
12:27And you invite yourself to remind yourself that you're still here.
12:41We know that you're hurting, and we honor that.
12:48But in this life in which you're still here, honor the fact that you have the opportunity to keep moving.
12:55Ashe.
13:00Ashe, thank you.
13:06That was so wonderful.
13:09You know, for me personally, I've experienced heavy holiday grief as my father passed away in 2013.
13:19So I've had to find creative ways to cope, like going on solo hikes, yoga, Pilates, doing a spa day,
13:28or just leaning heavily on my community circles, specifically my family.
13:33Would you say, ladies, that grief ever goes away?
13:38It's been 10 years for me.
13:40I don't think you'll ever forget the loss, right?
13:45You won't forget the impact that your father had in your life.
13:48And so there will always be a missing, right?
13:50There will always be that place in your heart that longs for that.
13:55But what I can say is that the negative feelings associated with grief do dissipate with time and intention, right?
14:03It's not just that time heals all wounds is what we do with that time.
14:06And so through movement, yoga, through therapy, through journaling, creating new memories and new traditions,
14:16through those things, we can begin to heal as we live in the scripture.
14:20I want to echo that because, Brittany, thank you for that.
14:24My mother died 21 years ago, or my sister five years ago.
14:30And you're absolutely right.
14:31That sharp, piercing pain, that ache that you can't move.
14:36You can't imagine your life one step without them.
14:39I remember literally being debilitated in pain, right?
14:43That you can't, right?
14:45I definitely, after 21 years of my mother, you're still missing.
14:50I think the grief is still there.
14:52But I think there's the opportunity to, I wouldn't say opportunity.
14:59But what I do now is I have so many pleasant memories of that.
15:04So I just wanted to say that.
15:06I want to say really thank you, Brittany, because I hadn't thought about that.
15:09That you never, it never goes away, but it kind of transmits.
15:26That was really powerful.
15:27Thank you, Brittany and Olivia.
15:29So for you both, how do you practice self-care doing that during the holiday season and beyond?
15:36I'll start just a couple of things that I kind of already mentioned.
15:39Journaling is a big one for me.
15:41So I like to write.
15:42And if you're not a writer, you can do, I have a doodle journal too.
15:45Where sometimes I just get colored pencils and crayons and I'll just scribble.
15:49Just turn on some music and literally just create.
15:52That's a way to release emotion that I'm not able to speak about.
15:55I'll just get it on paper that way.
15:58Getting outdoors is a great way to really connect with earth.
16:02Like you said, grounding is really, really big.
16:05So touching your feet to the ground, right?
16:07Doing some of those simple things.
16:09And then creating new traditions, I think, is one.
16:11Sometimes we can kind of get stuck in a grief spot when we just kind of feel that,
16:16have that void and that mama used to always do this.
16:20And yes, we can honor that she did that.
16:22And now what new traditions can we create to add to our family?
16:26So I would say creating new traditions is a great way to kind of move forward in that
16:30grief process as well, way to cope.
16:32Every single thing Brittany said.
16:34For me, I do a lot of movement during the holidays.
16:36Lots, lots, lots, even more.
16:39But I also find that I just love myself.
16:42Things that I enjoy, like I love music.
16:45I've always used to be a DJ back in college.
16:48I'm in Spotify like none other right now.
16:50We are listening to everything.
16:51We're discovering music because that's where I get my joy, right?
16:56So I do things that really bring me joy in a very, you know, unashamed way.
17:01Well, thank you so much, ladies, for this candid conversation and sharing your helpful
17:06expertise regarding navigating holiday grief.
17:10Please tell us where we can find you on social media to continue these conversations.
17:14Hi, my name is Brittany Phillips, and it's at Brittany Antoinette on Instagram.
17:18Olivia F. Scott at Freedom at the Map website, as well as Instagram and Facebook.
17:25Essie's, I hope this helped you as much as it blessed me.
17:29Until next time.
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