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00:00Welcome, on stage, Mr. GK!
00:05Now...
00:10Have we got a show for you?
00:12We've got Rob Beckett, John Richardson, Kyle Smith...
00:15Bino, Roisin Conaty, Lou Wall, Susie Den, Rachel Riley.
00:18Yay!
00:20Thank you very much.
00:25Thank you very much.
00:31Is that her?
00:32Is there more ghosts?
00:33I don't know why there wasn't a film.
00:35My accountant would like there to be.
00:36There should be a film.
00:37There should be a film.
00:38Just on an unrelated matter, Kyle, I am an actor now as well.
00:42Oh, yeah?
00:43Yeah, I do acting now as well.
00:44Right, so what sort of stuff do you want to...?
00:46I mainly play coke-sniffing teachers.
00:50Has anyone here seen him on Waterloo Road?
00:53Kyle, I've recently retired from acting.
00:57All right, let's do this, everyone.
00:58Play in the queue.
00:59The music.
01:00Whatever we do.
01:01I don't know.
01:02I don't know.
01:03I don't know.
01:04I don't know.
01:06I don't know.
01:08I don't know.
01:09I don't know.
01:10I don't know.
01:12I don't know.
01:13You can see it on the team.
01:39Hello and welcome to edit of 10 Cats Does Countdown, a show about letters...
01:44Let's meet tonight's players.
01:46First up, it's team captain John Richardson.
01:54In 2025, John played Grouchy in the new Smurfs movie.
01:57Tell me, John, how did...
01:59Did you research your role as a small, grumpy, troll-like creature with no friends?
02:03He's got friends.
02:04He's got friends.
02:06You've added that.
02:06Have you even seen...
02:08Have you seen my work?
02:09I literally saw it the first day it came out.
02:11What did you think?
02:12I thought it was amazing.
02:13Thanks.
02:14Do your grouchy voice.
02:16Go on.
02:18I have to get into character.
02:21OK.
02:22Don't even say it.
02:23Oh, it's good.
02:24Oh, it's good.
02:25Oh, it's good.
02:26That's good.
02:29And John's teammate, Roisin Conaty.
02:36Roisin used to work on the till in Woolworth.
02:38So I think we finally solved the mystery as to why Woolworths went under.
02:41Please...
02:42Please...
02:43Quite gentle.
02:44What are you going to do?
02:45Are you going to throw something at me?
02:46No, no.
02:47I'll be gentle.
02:48You are very bad at this game.
02:50Bad in a good way, though.
02:51Sort of the good, like bad, like Michael Jackson.
02:53Forget I said Michael Jackson.
02:54Oh, it's bad.
02:55LAUGHTER
02:58Up against them this evening, it's team captain Rob Beckett.
03:03Yeah.
03:04Yeah.
03:05Yeah.
03:06Yeah.
03:08Rob's family used to call him Jaffa Cake because he had big nipples.
03:12LAUGHTER
03:13Which begs the question, how big are these nipples?
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18So they've calmed down now, but there's a little bit of lump to them.
03:21But when I was going through puberty and your hormone...
03:23..the hormones were raging, they were big old puffy boys.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27And they looked like...
03:28..Jaffa Cake's because the areolae is the chocolate flat bit.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33And then, on top of that, the orange-filled chocolate bit
03:36was the nipply bit.
03:37Ugh!
03:38Can I, um...
03:40..can I see you?
03:41Um, afterwards!
03:42LAUGHTER
03:43..afterwards, you can.
03:45Why...
03:46Oh, come on!
03:47..I can't...
03:48..I can't...
03:48Come over and show you, but not then.
03:49OK.
03:50Yeah.
03:51LAUGHTER
03:53Look, look.
03:54I'll go in, I'll have a look.
03:55I'll tell you whether they're worth seeing.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:57I wanna see!
03:58I wanna see if everyone's up there or not.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:00LAUGHTER
04:01Oh, Jesus!
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Oh, God!
04:05I saw it.
04:06Yeah.
04:07Oh, that is...
04:08That is not a normal.
04:09No, that's a normal.
04:10Oh, you sound like my mum.
04:11Yeah, that's...
04:12LAUGHTER
04:13LAUGHTER
04:13I wanna see all of your tits if we're getting in comparison.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:18Jimmy!
04:18Show me your tits!
04:19LAUGHTER
04:20Oh, he's got a little drawn-on dot.
04:22LAUGHTER
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24OK.
04:25And joining Rob tonight, it's Kyle Smith...
04:28I know.
04:29APPLAUSE
04:33Kyle says he's scared of pigeons.
04:35Well, apologies if we'd known you were scared of small, annoying...
04:38flappy, rat-like creatures, we wouldn't have sat anywhere near John.
04:41LAUGHTER
04:42That's fair!
04:43Kyle, it's your first time on the show.
04:44Yes.
04:45Are you going to be very aware of the letters or the numbers?
04:46Well, I'm not sure.
04:48But I am very good at remembering my postcode.
04:50And that's both.
04:51Ooh!
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53FIGHTING TALK!
04:54LAUGHTER
04:55What is your postcode?
04:57What is your postcode?
04:58What is my postcode?
04:59LAUGHTER
05:01What's your mum's maiden name?
05:03LAUGHTER
05:05OK, Roisin, do you enjoy going out in nature?
05:08I really enjoy nature, but nature's out to get me, and it feels...
05:13I have been, no exaggeration, locked in Hampstead Heath three times.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19I thought this was open space.
05:20It's not open space.
05:21There's no gate on Hampstead Heath, is there?
05:22There is!
05:23There's no gate on Hampstead Heath.
05:24I've been locked in there three times, John.
05:25All right!
05:26It's starting to come across a bit like a Tory MP.
05:28LAUGHTER
05:29Twice in one year.
05:31I think the guy thought I was just trying to...
05:33like get a bit of attention, like in with his nips.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36Tell you what, me wandering around with his nips out on Hampstead Heath.
05:38We'll all get locked in.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:40There is a bit of...
05:41There is some part of Hampstead Heath that is...
05:43It's open for the people who do fruity stuff.
05:45It's like little...
05:46I don't think you do it...
05:47You find a bush.
05:48LAUGHTER
05:48I don't think you find a bush.
05:49They're not into that.
05:50Well, they don't just do it...
05:51They don't just do it...
05:52They don't just do it in the open...
05:53LAUGHTER
05:53They don't do it in the ground.
05:54There's bush bits.
05:55Oh, I see the joke now.
05:56Sorry.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58John, have you got a mascot?
06:00Yes, I have.
06:01Obviously, I've been vegan for a little...
06:03Oh!
06:04And the problem is it's very competitive.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07It's a very competitive...
06:08What?
06:09So you've got to find a way to be the most vegan.
06:11LAUGHTER
06:12So I...
06:13I've elevated now to now protecting the stuffed animal community.
06:16And I think the community I'm speaking...
06:18about most here are the bin men.
06:21And women of the UK.
06:23LAUGHTER
06:23Who've strapped teddy bears to the front of their lorries...
06:26LAUGHTER
06:27Against their will...
06:28And drive them around in all weathers.
06:30You see them in winter.
06:31Little Elmo strapped to the front...
06:33I haven't ever been worried.
06:34LAUGHTER
06:35Not able to move.
06:36So I thought, well, see how they like it.
06:38So my mascot tonight, please welcome my lucky bin man, Phil.
06:42APPLAUSE
06:43Thank you...
06:48How long do I have to stay up here? I need a shit.
06:53I told you to have a shit before we started, didn't I, Philip?
06:56I did, but I need another one.
06:58I don't know what you're eating. Are you eating a lot of dairy?
07:00Yeah.
07:01Well, I think you might have an intolerance.
07:03Maybe. It does hurt when you eat a magnum.
07:08Well, John, that poor cheese pizza is coming back to home, mate.
07:13All right, let's back him out of here before he shits the studio out.
07:16That's Phil, everybody.
07:23I'm going to run off a truck for that gag.
07:24It's bad, isn't it?
07:26There's a guy at limb services now.
07:28He's now livid.
07:30Carl, you got a mascot?
07:31I've got a mascot, yeah.
07:33I didn't want to go route one.
07:35I thought outside of the box.
07:37Can we get...
07:38Alexandria Arora?
07:39.
07:40.
07:43Oh, this is good.
07:46Hey, girl.
07:48This is Aurora, and although it may look like I've never seen this.
07:53Fair before in my life.
07:56We actually went to drama school together.
07:58I'm not a great animal body language expert, but you don't seem the closest fair.
08:03OK, I'm getting the feeling the parrots are.
08:08A little bit racist.
08:13Maybe a little bit racist.
08:13Aurora wants a snack.
08:15Aurora, do you like snacks?
08:17Would you like a Jaffa cake?
08:18No, no, no, no, no.
08:23I'm on a roll.
08:25We practiced this.
08:26Clouche.
08:27Come on, snuffles.
08:28She fucking hates you.
08:32Well, you've embarrassed me.
08:33So, back to Jimmy's dressing room.
08:37Off you go.
08:38OK.
08:40Aurora.
08:41Aurora.
08:42Aurora.
08:43Aurora.
08:43Roshin, have you got a mascot that doesn't hate you?
08:45I do actually have a mascot, Gemma Fee.
08:46What is your mascot?
08:47So the thing that most...
08:48It just relaxes me, it makes me feel very calm and what I like to feel on the show is my little dog.
08:53She's a little Maltese.
08:55So I thought, what relaxes Harpo?
08:57Let's go to the...
08:58It's a source of what creates all the relaxation.
09:00And Harpo recently got done, you know, when they have...
09:03They get done.
09:04What's it called?
09:05Snip.
09:06A woman's snip.
09:07Spade.
09:08A scoop out.
09:09A what?
09:10A scoop out.
09:11A scoop out.
09:13Oh.
09:14Harpo recently got...
09:15I didn't know you were medical.
09:16She recently got Spade.
09:18And ever since then, ever since she got Spade, she's turned into...
09:23a real sex fiend.
09:25Her first sort of victim was...
09:28is this...
09:29Piggy.
09:30Now, I don't know if you can see, she's absolutely destroyed Piggy.
09:33Now, it's a pig.
09:34So, listen.
09:35Lots of people have had sex with pigs.
09:36It's absolutely fine.
09:37This is...
09:38not the worst of it.
09:39No.
09:40No, it isn't fine to fuck pigs.
09:44Is it pigs that have got curly willies?
09:46Yeah.
09:47I call it the pork screw.
09:48Nice.
09:49Nice.
09:50Nice.
09:51Nice.
09:52Nice.
09:53My mum thinks I'm sex shaming her by bringing this on the show.
09:56My mum is indulging it.
09:58I was talking the other day and my mum was letting this pig be used against her while the dog humped the pig.
10:03So, the dog, your mum and that pig had a three-way.
10:06No, my mum had a three-way.
10:08Next, kitchen roll.
10:12She's gone up her gear.
10:13So, it escalated pretty fast.
10:16That's all sex stuff.
10:18She's now gone absolutely feral and done my hiking boot.
10:23Oh.
10:23Wow.
10:24So, these are all sex toys of a little more.
10:28Maltese dog.
10:30But they bring her a lot of joy and they really calm her down.
10:32So, I brought them in as my mascot.
10:33It's got nothing.
10:37The worst bit is I use that one.
10:38for a pillow on the train.
10:42Rob, have you got a mascot?
10:43Absolutely, yes.
10:45Now, I've been taking health and safety in first aid quite seriously.
10:48And I've noticed...
10:48I've been here a few times that there's no, um, defibrillator.
10:52What, sorry?
10:52LAUGHTER
10:53There's no what?
10:56There's no me later.
10:56Hello.
10:57Mm-mm.
10:58You are adding an extra...
11:03Defibrillator.
11:03What did I say wrong?
11:06You're putting an L in there.
11:07No L.
11:08Look it up, Suze.
11:12How are we spelling it?
11:13Defibrillator.
11:16Defibrillator.
11:17Defibrillator.
11:18Let's be honest.
11:20No-one's spelling it when they need it.
11:22LAUGHTER
11:23Let's not worry.
11:24Anyway, we ain't got one.
11:25Whatever you want to call it.
11:26Right.
11:27So I was looking one up, very expensive.
11:28So I've tried to design my own.
11:31Ooh!
11:32Great idea.
11:32As a cost-effective...
11:33Safety measure, so I've got one.
11:35Do you want to see it?
11:36Yeah.
11:36There we go.
11:37Bring it out, boys.
11:37APPLAUSE
11:38There we go.
11:42Um...
11:43Do you want me to show you how it works?
11:45Yeah.
11:45Yeah.
11:45I'm just praying this attaches to your nipples.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:48So, this is how it would work.
11:51LAUGHTER
11:53I hope you don't mind.
11:56I've got this from your dressing room, Jim.
11:57LAUGHTER
11:58So, um, yeah, so you basically hook it up, like this.
12:02LAUGHTER
12:03So, there we go.
12:04And then...
12:05So, it works.
12:06LAUGHTER
12:07You need to be deflippiolated!
12:08LAUGHTER
12:10Don't worry, I'm coming!
12:12LAUGHTER
12:13What's the word you said?
12:14Clear.
12:15Clear!
12:15That's it.
12:16So, here we go.
12:17So, you put it on, and then...
12:18Clear!
12:19Clear!
12:20LAUGHTER
12:21LAUGHTER
12:22I think...
12:23I think I've melted his Jaffa cake by the looks of it.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:27Yeah, anyway, so this is...
12:28It's fine.
12:29So, if anyone's struggling today, I can get you going again.
12:31Rob, back at everyone with these, uh, defibrillator.
12:33APPLAUSE
12:35There we go.
12:36There must be a few defibs...
12:38Because regular countdown, you've got to lose one a week, haven't you?
12:41Yeah.
12:42Is this a shame...?
12:43No other than this, then?
12:44LAUGHTER
12:45There's a proper one where they get more than three-letter words.
12:47LAUGHTER
12:48LAUGHTER
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50She's coming!
12:51She's coming!
12:52She's coming!
12:53Yeah!
12:53APPLAUSE
12:54OK, well, over in the dictionary corner, we've got Lou Wall.
12:56APPLAUSE
12:57LAUGHTER
12:58The move is six foot four. To put that into...
12:59LAUGHTER
13:00LAUGHTER
13:01APPLAUSE
13:02MUSIC
13:03MUSIC
13:04MUSIC
13:05MUSIC
13:07MUSIC
13:08MUSIC
13:09MUSIC
13:10MUSIC
13:11MUSIC
13:12MUSIC
13:13MUSIC
13:14MUSIC
13:15MUSIC
13:16MUSIC
13:17MUSIC
13:03MUSIC
13:07MUSIC
13:08MUSIC
13:08MUSIC
13:09MUSIC
13:11MUSIC
13:12MUSIC
13:13MUSIC
13:13MUSIC
13:18MUSIC
13:19MUSIC
13:18MUSIC
13:23MUSIC
13:24MUSIC
13:23MUSIC
13:27MUSIC
13:28MUSIC
13:28MUSIC
13:32MUSIC
13:33MUSIC
13:34MUSIC
13:33I like letters, I like literacy, but like if I am bad at it, it's like because it's like hereditary.
13:39Recently, I got this text from my mum.
13:42Dad have died.
13:43Followed by Dad have died.
13:48Sorry.
13:49Dad's herbs died.
13:51And then she just finished it off.
13:53For this stunning text, fucking autocarrot.
13:58And with me, of course, to see you guys.
14:08Suzy's new book is a harrowing crime novel, and that sentence also...
14:13It also works if you remove the word novel.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:18Suzy, what have you been looking into recently?
14:21I have been looking into...
14:23Teen slang.
14:25Teen slang?
14:26Yeah.
14:26This six, seven thing, which is everywhere, that...
14:28people are fascinated by.
14:30You've had six, seven?
14:32Six, seven?
14:33Six, seven.
14:33No one knows what it means, including the kids.
14:36The derivation is...
14:38either a rap song or something to do with basketball's hype.
14:43Six, eight, I think.
14:44But, yeah, so six, seven.
14:46So it's like, you know, how tall are you?
14:47Six, seven, do you say?
14:48Six, seven instead of six, four.
14:50What time is it?
14:51Six, seven.
14:52You're probably about six, seven.
14:53On the slack, yeah.
14:56LAUGHTER
14:57Um...
14:58So, anyway, I find this completely fascinating
15:00because not even the kids know what it means.
15:02They lose break time at my daughter's...
15:03school now if they say six, seven.
15:05They lose break time.
15:06It's got that...
15:07It's that endemic.
15:08Six...
15:08The teacher's terrified during maths.
15:10Like, if I ask a question...
15:12LAUGHTER
15:13And they've sat...
15:13I started playing Countdown in my daughter's school
15:15and she said to me the other week,
15:16we've started playing this game
15:17where there's, like, numbers and lessons...
15:18I never felt more,
15:20but I thought she'd be so excited when I went,
15:22you know that's what I do for a living.
15:23And she went,
15:25do you?
15:26I thought you were the cokehead from Waterloo Road.
15:28LAUGHTER
15:29APPLAUSE
15:33And in charge of the numbers,
15:35it's Rachel Riley.
15:36APPLAUSE
15:38Do you have a favourite number?
15:42I...
15:43I quite like...
15:43It'd be...
15:43Have you heard of the Golden Ratio?
15:45Basically, it's this number that appears in nature
15:47in loads of different places.
15:48So in...
15:48seashells, it appears,
15:50in flowers,
15:51and it's an irrational number.
15:53So it's written as phi,
15:55the Greek letter phi,
15:56and it also appears in beautiful...
15:58faces,
15:59the Golden Ratio,
16:00kind of the width to the height.
16:02So what I think happened...
16:03was when you went to your plastic surgeon,
16:06he got confused between...
16:08pie face,
16:10and pie face.
16:11LAUGHTER
16:12So when you...
16:13go back,
16:14you should ask for the Golden Ratio next time,
16:17rather than that.
16:18APPLAUSE
16:19LAUGHTER
16:20APPLAUSE
16:23OK, and the prize the Chiefs will be competing for tonight is this.
16:27The Countdown...
16:28...camouflage kit.
16:29Ooh!
16:30APPLAUSE
16:33LAUGHTER
16:38bit of TV magic for you. Boys, show them where you are.
16:43Okay, let's count on it.
16:48Everyone, time for the first game. John, Roisin, you get the first turn to pick the letters.
16:52Roisin, would you like to pick the letters?
16:53Yes, please.
16:54Oh. That's backfired.
16:58Rachel, may I have four consonants?
17:04S.
17:05What's your problem with the way she's picking it?
17:07Well, just, if you don't...
17:08I give a shit, say no.
17:09I give a shit!
17:10Why don't you just put nine letters up there?
17:12No.
17:13You think, because I don't cry, because I'm not good at it, I don't care. I'm hiding my sadness.
17:17Okay.
17:18Does that make you feel better?
17:19No.
17:20Another consonant, please, Rachel.
17:23I felt really royal, like a married couple arguing that.
17:25I want to see.
17:26I'm hiding my sadness. Look, we're at the kid.
17:28Eat the Peter Express and try and have a good day.
17:31Well, Neighbours is an absolute nightmare.
17:33Another consonant, please, Rachel.
17:35N.
17:36Why is he a nightmare neighbour?
17:37Oh, yes.
17:38All good.
17:38What kind's going on in there?
17:39Oh, my God!
17:40Oh, my God!
17:41Oh, my God!
17:43That is his cardigan wearer.
17:44It is not.
17:45It's absolute filth.
17:46Another consonant.
17:48E.
17:49And a vowel, please, Rachel.
17:52E.
17:53E.
17:54And another vowel, please, Rachel.
17:55Oh.
17:56And another vowel.
17:58E.
17:59E.
18:00Last two are yours.
18:01One of each, please, Rachel.
18:02One of each.
18:03Just get them out of there.
18:03I don't really care.
18:04A U.
18:05And an L.
18:06I've gone right off the...
18:08Countdown Music.
18:09I'm gonna...
18:10I'm gonna step it up.
18:11Boys, please.
18:13Thank you, Rachel.
18:14And another vowel, please, Rachel.
18:17Thank you, Rachel.
18:18Thank you, Rachel.
18:18Your delectation, this is the Countdown Tongue Choir.
18:22Your time starts...
18:23No.
18:24La la la...
18:28La la la...
18:33La la la...
18:34La la la...
18:35La la la...
18:38La la la...
18:40La la la...
18:42La la la...
18:43La la la...
18:47La la la la...
18:48Oh, oh, oh, oh.
18:53Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
18:58Oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:03Oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:10Oh, oh, oh.
19:12Singing or receiving?
19:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:16Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:18Oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:20Oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:22Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:24What's that?
19:29Hang on I'm going to I'm going to the I'm going the other end this this guy this
19:34Look at this
19:39Forearm there's no sound at all there
19:44What is this show?
19:49The countdown tongue choir if you want
19:53Thank you gentlemen
19:54Thank you
19:54I don't know
19:59Seven
20:01Seven
20:02Roisin
20:03Six
20:04Rob?
20:05Five
20:06Kyle?
20:07Seven
20:08Ooh
20:09Ooh
20:10He came to play
20:11Oh yeah for real
20:12Alright Rob your five
20:13Leaps
20:14Okay Roisin your six
20:15Planes
20:16John your seven
20:17Weapons
20:18Weapons
20:19Okay seven points to both James
20:20Oh
20:21Kyle your seven
20:22Weapons
20:23Okay seven points to both James
20:24I'm excited about it
20:28You
20:29He's got you guys in trouble
20:30He's not fucking about
20:31Five
20:32Two
20:33Three
20:34Four
20:35Five
20:36Six
20:37Six
20:38Six
20:39Six
20:40Six
20:41Six
20:42Six
20:43Six
20:44Six
20:46Six
20:47Six
20:48Six
20:49Six
20:50Six
20:51Six
20:52Six
20:53Six
20:54Six
20:55Six
20:56Six
20:57Six
20:58Six
20:34Six
20:35Seven
20:36Eight
20:37He's got eleven options
20:38In the same time I got leaps
20:39Loose Susie could they have done any better?
20:43Just another
20:44Seven from us
20:45What was the other seven?
20:46Apolloon
20:47It's a beautiful word
20:48It's the point at which a space
20:49spacecraft in lunar orbit is furthest from the moon and it's the opposite of the periloon
20:53Okay on to our first numbers round
20:55Rob, Kyle your turn to pick the numbers
20:57To be
20:58Big ones
20:59Big ones or the rest of the little ones please Rachel?
21:00Coming up
21:01Ten and ten
21:02That's twenty already
21:03One
21:04Three
21:05Five
21:07Five
21:08Big ones
21:09One
21:10Now.
21:15Now.
21:20Now.
21:25I'll see you next time.
21:40OK, so the target was 847.
21:43Roisin, did you get it?
21:44I did.
21:45No good.
21:46Do you want it?
21:47Yeah, I'll come back to you in one sec.
21:48It won't be there in a minute.
21:50John, did you get it?
21:52I think I got 848.
21:54Rob, did you get it?
21:55I got 800.
21:56Kyle, did you get it?
21:58No.
21:59I got 840.
22:00Roisin, how did you do it?
22:01So I did...
22:0210 times...
22:0410 times 75.
22:06Oh no.
22:07Yeah.
22:08So...
22:09Hmm...
22:10750.
22:11I've got it wrong.
22:13I got it down as 800.
22:14Add a 10 on to the 75.
22:15Oh my God.
22:16Jimmy's got one.
22:17Will you get 850?
22:18Oh my God.
22:19Jimmy's got one.
22:20Will you get 850?
22:22And then there's a three-go.
22:23I mean...
22:24Oh wow.
22:25Yeah.
22:26It's the easiest one we've had in...
22:27I'm so sure I had it.
22:28That's not allowed, is it?
22:3010 points to me.
22:33No.
22:34Were you good at maths at college?
22:35At school?
22:36No.
22:37Do you know how long you pause sometimes?
22:39It's like you've just turned off.
22:42You just bring it up with your manufacturer.
22:48John, how did you get what you got?
22:5075.
22:5210 times...
22:5310 plus 1.
22:54Plus 1, 85.
22:55And then somewhere else...
22:5710...
22:5810...
22:5910 times 3.
23:00What are you doing?
23:01This is not your...
23:02I don't know.
23:03It's gone.
23:04Roshi got it wrong.
23:05John's nothing written down.
23:06We've got 840.
23:07Kite and off you go.
23:0875 times 10.
23:101 plus 3.
23:111 plus 3.
23:12Is 4 times 10.
23:13Times the other 10.
23:1440.
23:15Add those together.
23:167...
23:1790 plus 50.
23:18Yep.
23:197 away.
23:20Okay.
23:21Five points to pass.
23:22So John and Roshin are on 7 points.
23:25Rob and Kyle are in the lead with...
23:2712.
23:28Yes.
23:29Wow.
23:32And here is your teaser.
23:33The words are sentence.
23:34The clue is open wide.
23:35That sentence...
23:36Open wide.
23:37See you after the break.
23:42Alright.
23:43And here is your teaser.
23:45I love you.
23:52Welcome back.
23:54The answer to the teaser, the words were sentence, the clue one.
23:57It was, of course, dentists.
23:59So, Rob and Kyle are in the lead.
24:02They've been playing in teams so far, but this game is just for Rob and Roisin.
24:06Hmm.
24:07So, Rob, your turn to choose.
24:08Joe, I think it's good that John has a little break from this, because I think his head's
24:11completely gone.
24:12I agree.
24:13He's not happy.
24:14Kyle's turned up, and not only is he better than John at spelling and...
24:17He's in the countdown.
24:18He also is cool.
24:19He's cool, Rob.
24:20He's in a cardigan.
24:22Well, yeah.
24:23He's actually turned up in his outfit, but in a cool one.
24:26So, I think it's...
24:27It's good you have a little break, because you don't seem yourself.
24:30I don't want to be myself.
24:32I'm going to be Lewis Hamilton for a bit while you do this, right?
24:35Yeah!
24:37I don't think he makes some noises with his mouth.
24:43He's done you again.
24:46Pick some letters.
24:47Okay, cool.
24:48Please, can I have...
24:49You pick.
24:50You pick.
24:52You're in charge, Rach.
24:53R.
24:54R.
24:56E.
24:58T.
24:59There we go.
25:00I.
25:01M.
25:03A.
25:04S.
25:05This is a great one.
25:06E.
25:07And the last one.
25:08T.
25:09And your time starts...
25:13M.
25:14M.
25:15M.
25:16M.
25:17T.
25:18T.
25:19It's good for you.
25:20Okay?
25:21It's good.
25:33John, could you give me a hand with this?
25:35Yeah.
25:42Tap it round the back.
25:47Tap it round the back, mate.
25:49Oh, yeah.
25:51Does anyone want to do that?
25:52Have a beer.
25:53I'll have a go.
25:54OK, what a lovely.
25:55Oh, is that...
25:58Is that a normal flow for you?
26:00Oh, yeah.
26:02A-ha-ha-ha-ha.
26:03A-ha-ha.
26:04A-ha-ha-ha.
26:05A-ha-ha-ha.
26:07Salty than you think.
26:12The stones sink to the bottom.
26:17Anyone else want a beer?
26:18You need to get a manufacturer to sort your robot knees out, mate.
26:22They're not bending out, they should.
26:27It's like a cow trying to go off stage.
26:32You want to try something?
26:37Oh, John!
26:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:42I feel very fraternal.
26:47Let's bring out the beers, yeah.
26:52Wow.
26:53Roshin's on a hen-do.
26:54Is there any more?
26:55Just worth letting everyone know I had a sparrow.
26:57Thanks, John.
26:58Nice.
26:59APPLAUSE
27:02Roshin Hammond.
27:06Roshin Hammond.
27:07I mean, I'm sort of nervous.
27:09OK.
27:10I've got nine.
27:11Wow!
27:12This is a big deal.
27:13OK.
27:14It's a huge deal.
27:15It's a huge deal.
27:16OK.
27:18Have I not got nine?
27:19You've got a really good eight.
27:21Why?
27:23There isn't.
27:24There is.
27:25Yeah, but only the one of them.
27:26LAUGHTER
27:27Oh, John!
27:28I see.
27:29He can't even let his own team-mate...
27:32You can't do well.
27:33You're a disgrace.
27:34You couldn't even let her have a moment.
27:36He did, though.
27:37He sort of...
27:37He sort of saved me.
27:38Do you want Roshin to score eight or not score nine?
27:40What family have you got?
27:41Of...
27:42I've got a seven.
27:43OK.
27:44What is your seven?
27:45Matters.
27:46Roshin, your eight.
27:47Mistreat.
27:48Ooh.
27:49I thought it was mistreats.
27:50Got very excited.
27:51LAUGHTER
27:52I'm going to give you the eight.
27:53I think the eight's very good.
27:54Yeah!
27:55APPLAUSE
27:58Lou, Susie, could they have done any better?
28:00We had a couple of eights.
28:01We had Stemia.
28:02Emirates.
28:03Emirates?
28:04Not as in the Arsenal ground, but as in the province.
28:07Of an Emir.
28:08OK.
28:09So, at the end of that, Rob and Kyle have 12 points.
28:11John and Roshin have...
28:1215.
28:13APPLAUSE
28:14All right.
28:15All right.
28:16All right.
28:17I really tried.
28:18Really good.
28:19OK.
28:20To be fair, you needed that because John's going to...
28:22..against Kyle now.
28:23LAUGHTER
28:24I have faith in my team-mate.
28:26He's...
28:27He's shown consistency.
28:28He's not a braggadocious player.
28:30And will take us to the final.
28:32Do you know what?
28:33I feel the same about mine, but I'm not having to fluff him up
28:35because his head's gone.
28:36LAUGHTER
28:37No need.
28:38You've been fluffing all night.
28:39It's down there rock on.
28:40LAUGHTER
28:41It's very rare on the show.
28:42That team-mates refer to each other as rock hard.
28:45LAUGHTER
28:46LAUGHTER
28:47Can I just say...
28:48No.
28:49I'm absolutely fine.
28:50And if Kyle does well, that benefits the...
28:52...the show.
28:53LAUGHTER
28:54Hello, Rachel.
28:55Hi, Tony.
28:56Hi, Tony.
28:57Six small, please.
28:58Six.
28:59LAUGHTER
29:00Do you like the...
29:02numbers, John?
29:03Confident with six small.
29:04I don't mind the numbers.
29:05I don't mind the letters.
29:06I just appreciate good friends...
29:07having a good time.
29:08LAUGHTER
29:09A tricky selection.
29:10We've got five, six...
29:12seven...
29:13four...
29:14three...
29:15ten...
29:16nine...
29:17and the...
29:17target...
29:18185.
29:19And your time starts...
29:21now.
29:22We've got...
29:23One-and-one.
29:24Sailor
29:26nà o.
29:27One-and-one.
29:28One-and-one.
29:30S outra.
29:31Nine-and-one.
29:38Nine-and-one.
29:42Seven-and-one.
29:45In the day, you see...
29:47Four-andone.
29:49In the day, you'll notice...
29:51I smoke much John. How's your boy doing?
29:56That's it, mate, huh?
29:59That's it, mate.
30:01Kyle, did you get it? 184.
30:03OK, John, did you get it?
30:04I think I've got it, yeah.
30:06How did you get it?
30:0710 plus 9.
30:08No, no, less mug.
30:1110 plus 9.
30:1419.
30:1519 times 7.
30:1620 plus 3.
30:17190.
30:18Take away that little fine.
30:20Can hurt you.
30:21It's a lot of honour.
30:2210 points.
30:27How do you feel about it, Kyle?
30:29How do you feel about that?
30:30I would have liked to have won that one.
30:31Yeah.
30:32Yeah.
30:33Isn't it?
30:34It's weird, because I believed him when he said...
30:36He said it.
30:37Yeah.
30:38Well, he's a good actor.
30:39LAUGHTER
30:40What is...
30:41He's not in Waterloo Road?
30:42No, he's not.
30:43Is that a compliment?
30:45LAUGHTER
30:46Not a little blue smurf, is he?
30:51I've got four lines and three of them went...
30:53Rrrrgh!
30:54LAUGHTER
30:55Oh my God!
30:56OK, so Rob and Kyle have 12 points.
30:58John and Roisin have 25.
31:00APPLAUSE
31:01OK, time now to go...
31:06across to your dictionary corner.
31:07Lou, what have you got for us?
31:08OK, so...
31:09I had a really shitty old bed for...
31:11And so I put it on an online marketplace for free.
31:15Um, and then...
31:16This is that story.
31:17I have turned it into a musical.
31:19You're welcome.
31:20LAUGHTER
31:21Um, and...
31:22For context, all you need to know is that the bed frame is up there for...
31:26For free.
31:27This is Hap again.
31:28LAUGHTER
31:29Is the bed frame...
31:31still available?
31:32Yes, it is...
31:34Gay emoji!
31:35LAUGHTER
31:36Can I please negotiate the price?
31:39No.
31:40Why?
31:41It's free.
31:42LAUGHTER
31:43You're on a hard bargain, Lucia.
31:45But that's...
31:46It's just not the way.
31:47Marketplace working.
31:48I was like, alright, how about half price?
31:50Just...
31:51It's for you, Eileen.
31:52How much now?
31:53Still free.
31:54It is thirsty.
31:55It is thirsty.
31:56You are the best.
31:57Potty, potty.
31:58Grrr.
31:59Here's one of the dress.
32:00Here's one of the dress.
32:01Wow, that's a long, long way from my house.
32:04Now, how about us?
32:06It's a small discount.
32:07I said, Eileen, I can't be clearer.
32:09It's free to pick up...
32:11Could you drive it to me, please?
32:13What the fuck?
32:14Please!
32:15No!
32:16Please!
32:17No!
32:18Please!
32:16No!
32:17I don't own a car!
32:18Why didn't you say something?
32:20I can...
32:21I can drive.
32:22See you tomorrow.
32:23Bye!
32:24It's like this...
32:26At this point, like, I go to bed.
32:27I'm like, I'll deal with this bitch in the morning.
32:29And then very early the next morning, I receive...
32:31this text.
32:32Lucia, I'm out the front.
32:37Sent at 5am!
32:39I said, see you!
32:41At 5am!
32:42Please come out and let me in.
32:45I shouldn't...
32:46I know not to trust you.
32:47Axe!
32:48Pickaxe!
32:49Fire!
32:50Should've never been a pet!
32:51Fire!
32:52I show up on time.
32:53Are you dead?
32:54Please!
32:56Where is bed?
32:57Where is bed?
32:58Where is bed?
33:01How was I supposed to know that what you meant was 5am?
33:04Knock, knock, knock.
33:05Alright!
33:06Let me in.
33:07No.
33:08It's not an ideal time for you to get the bed frame.
33:10What time?
33:11Then I'm like, could you come back at 8am?
33:13But I'm outside.
33:14Yeah, my housemates are so...
33:16I'm not sleeping.
33:17Should I just not...
33:18This is getting...
33:19I'll go back to sleep.
33:20I...
33:21Wake up at 8am.
33:22Is she there?
33:23No.
33:2412 hours later though.
33:25Here she is again!
33:26Let's see ya!
33:27I'm here!
33:26It's 8pm.
33:27Yes, where is the bed?
33:29Is the concept of...
33:31It's time too hard for you to comprehend.
33:33You're 12 hours late Eileen.
33:35I can't get you the bed.
33:36Like...
33:37Like I'm at work right now.
33:38Okay?
33:39Like I'm not even home.
33:40But I came all the way back from...
33:41I'm sorry.
33:42I know.
33:43No.
33:44Please.
33:45Heartbreak emoji.
33:46Pumpkin emoji.
33:46Sorry.
33:47Typo.
33:48Seriously.
33:49Please.
33:50Whatever the bed.
33:51Oh my god.
33:52That lady's back.
33:51What can you help her get the bed shot?
33:52Okay.
33:53My housemate is home.
33:54Knock on the door.
33:55Ask for Tim.
33:56For...
33:56402.
33:57No.
33:58403.
33:59Knock, knock, knock.
34:00It's 403.
34:01Knock, knock, knock.
34:02Anyone in?
34:03Angry.
34:01It's a dolphin pilot shit.
34:02This is not what I expected.
34:03I'm taking off the bedding and the pillow and the mattress.
34:05There is no bedding.
34:06I just talked to Tim.
34:07He'll show you what to take.
34:08Is this free?
34:09Picture of a pillow.
34:10That's not my pillow.
34:11Taking pillow.
34:11Where did you get the pillow?
34:12Where the fuck are you?
34:13Is Eileen there?
34:14No.
34:15Shit.
34:16Fuck.
34:17Oh my god.
34:16It's perfect.
34:17It's exactly what I want.
34:19Bigger than I thought.
34:20And...
34:21Free bedding.
34:23Five stars.
34:24Miss call, miss call, miss call, miss call, miss call, miss call, miss call.
34:26I cannot talk driving with that.
34:27I said Eileen.
34:28Can you please pick up?
34:29Yay.
34:30I don't think you took my bed.
34:31Tim.
34:31I said you never picked it up.
34:32Thank you for the bed, Lucia.
34:33Miss call, Eileen Five R.
34:35A message from...
34:36You're my neighbour.
34:37We've just been robbed.
34:38Lock your doors!
34:41Eileen, you stole my neighbour's bed.
34:44My bed's still here.
34:46You took the wrong bed from the wrong house.
34:48I did no such thing.
34:50Then she blocked...
34:51She blocked me.
34:52I said Eileen.
34:53Place.
34:54Where is bed?
34:56You, I said Eileen.
34:57I said Eileen.
34:58I said Eileen.
34:59She had a very welcome speech.
35:00She said Eileen.
35:01He.
35:02The other who just gave her any hand, are you saying?
35:05I say Eileen.
35:07These are the two messages.
35:08But, you know?
35:09This is over, this is over, this is over.
35:10You know?
35:11This is over.
35:12We have a lot of reasons.
35:13This is over.
35:15This is over.
35:17This is over here.
35:18This is over.
35:19Thank you, Romans.
35:20This is over.
35:21See you after the break.
35:26See you after the break.
35:31See you after the break.
35:36See you after the break.
35:41The clue was, don't be so dramatic.
35:43It was, of course, thespian.
35:44Rob and Kyle...
35:46You're 13 points behind.
35:48Yeah.
35:48So, we thought we would give you a little bit of extra...
35:51extra help in the form of the award-winning comedian, winner of the Edinburgh Comedy Award.
35:56Sam Nicaresti.
35:58Welcome back.
35:59Welcome back.
36:01Nice to be here.
36:06Sorry I'm late.
36:07I was backstage hanging out with the friendliest parrot in the world.
36:11Okay, so you won the Edinburgh Comedy Award, which is very impressive, but we're all winners here.
36:16Everyone's a leader in their field.
36:17We've got Britain's smallest man.
36:18TV's most chatty horse and the world's...
36:23the most pointless mathematician.
36:26I don't know which one of us is the horse.
36:27Yeah.
36:27There's three in the running.
36:29There's three in the running.
36:29There's three in the running.
36:32Now, have you brought a mascot?
36:37Do you know, I have...
36:37I've got a mascot, actually, Jimmy.
36:39Let me get it up.
36:40Here we go.
36:41How about this?
36:42Yeah, I bought this from home.
36:45What do you reckon?
36:47Ah.
36:47Have you seen one of those before?
36:49Ooh.
36:50Wow.
36:51Yeah?
36:51It's like that.
36:52Yeah.
36:52I like trains.
36:54I've got an affinity with trains, because, much like My Hero V Siberian Rail,
36:57way, I am also trans.
36:59So...
37:00LAUGHTER
37:02LAUGHTER
37:03APPLAUSE
37:04LAUGHTER
37:07Just to explain, that's why I'm dressed like the ghosts of the liberal future
37:11come to haunt your problematic nanny.
37:12Christmas.
37:13That's the look.
37:14I don't know if anyone else here is really wearing it, very hard, very hard.
37:17I've been trans.
37:18When I came out, I came out to my girlfriend a couple of years ago and she was really good
37:22with it.
37:22But you have to be honest, it's not really clear how you come out to your girlfriend
37:27about being trans.
37:27Like, what do you do?
37:28Sit down and say, honey, huge news, you're gay.
37:32I mean, we're in trouble.
37:36I was tuning in to the new-
37:37the other day.
37:38I know we're saying, oh, trans women, they better stay away from sport.
37:42What?
37:43My pleasure.
37:44What the...
37:45How...
37:46For me...
37:47That's the entire point.
37:48Do you know, like, I would have transitioned in secondary school if I knew it came...
37:52with a sick note.
37:53That's just...
37:54Big fan.
37:55But yes, I'm...
37:57My pronouns are she, they, but that's neither her nor their.
38:00Ta-da!
38:02I love you.
38:07OK, John, Roisin, your turn to choose the letters.
38:10Hello, Rachel. Hi, John.
38:12Could we have a car with something please?
38:15Yes, boss.
38:16Aw!
38:17And another one, please.
38:18Oh, he's cheered up now he's won the maths.
38:20Jeez.
38:21Well, he's done the maths.
38:22I still don't think he can do coyote spelling.
38:24We're going to see that play out and I'm quite excited.
38:26A vowel please.
38:27O.
38:28A consonant please.
38:29O.
38:30A consonant please.
38:32And I think Sam's going to be really good as well so you really have to try hard.
38:37A vowel please.
38:39E.
38:40Another vowel please, Rachel.
38:42Aye.
38:43And another consonant then.
38:46C.
38:47C.
38:48Yeah, that's nice.
38:49Kick your vibes up.
38:50And, oh, I'd love a consonant please.
38:52In this game I love with my friends.
38:54N.
38:55N.
38:56N.
38:57And then another consonant please.
39:00Old friend.
39:01E.
39:02And my old mate.
39:03Aw!
39:04OK.
39:05All right.
39:05Time starts now.
39:10Oh.
39:11Ah.
39:12Uh.
39:13Oh.
39:14Oh.
39:15Oh.
39:45Okay.
39:47Sam, how many?
39:49I think I might have a nine.
39:51I think.
39:53Oh.
39:55What is your five?
39:57My five is rinse.
39:59Rob, your five?
40:01Gona.
40:02Oh.
40:03Gona.
40:05That is a word.
40:06Rinse, unfortunately, has an S.
40:07Not a C.
40:09Oh.
40:11Bro, she's a goner.
40:13He's a goner.
40:15What's your seven?
40:17Cringer.
40:18Cringer?
40:19Oh.
40:20No.
40:21Uh, yes.
40:22Oh!
40:23Oh!
40:24Do you know what that looked like, Susie?
40:28That...
40:29It looked like the money hadn't hit your account yet.
40:31I think so, and the club's done.
40:34No.
40:35Oh, I asked him.
40:36Oh!
40:37Oh, God.
40:38I said he's done!
40:39Oh, God!
40:40Yeah!
40:41I said, oh let's do it!
40:42That's OK.
40:43count of three. All right, you ready? One, two, three. Cornering. Wow.
40:48So 18 points for both ends. Thank you.
40:53Okay, here is your final teaser. The words are scene fart. The clue is...
40:58Seal that up. That's scene fart. Seal that up. See you after the break.
41:13Welcome back.
41:18In fact, the answer to the teaser, the words were scene fart.
41:20The clue was seal that up. It was, of course, far...
41:23Excellent.
41:24Okay, time for our final letters game. Sam, your turn to choose.
41:28Oh, my. Okay.
41:29Um, please may I have a consonant?
41:31You may, indeed.
41:32And...
41:33C.
41:34Oh.
41:35Yes.
41:36And then two vowels.
41:37A.
41:38U.
41:39Consonant, please.
41:41D.
41:42Okay.
41:43I think a vowel.
41:44Good choice.
41:45Aye.
41:48Well, now the pressure's on to make a good choice.
41:50Again, consonant, right?
41:51S.
41:52No.
41:53I'm not happy with that.
41:54Oh, no.
41:55Um...
41:56Consonant?
41:58M.
41:59A vowel.
42:00I've got another A.
42:01Er...
42:02And then a consonant.
42:03And...
42:03The last one.
42:04Oh.
42:05Cool.
42:06I might have a crack on this because I find the game boring.
42:08Okay.
42:09Your time starts...
42:11Now.
42:13I'm not happy.
42:14I'm not happy with that.
42:15I need to wait for a second.
42:17We are trying to get a gun.
42:18.
42:23.
42:28.
42:33.
42:36.
42:37.
42:38.
42:38.
42:41.
42:42.
42:43.
42:43.
42:48.
42:49.
42:50.
42:51.
42:52.
42:53.
42:54.
42:55.
42:56.
42:57Rob, how many?
43:01Six.
43:02Kyle?
43:03Seven.
43:04Sam?
43:05Six.
43:06Roisin?
43:07Five.
43:09OK, Jon?
43:10Seven.
43:11Roar!
43:12Oh!
43:14Kyle!
43:15Roisin, you're...
43:17One or five?
43:18Metal.
43:19What, sorry?
43:21Metal?
43:23How are you spelling that incorrectly?
43:25How are you spelling the word that doesn't exist?
43:27My...
43:28My...
43:29My towel?
43:30Yeah.
43:31What?
43:32What?
43:32Yeah, that's the one so you wrote for you and you couldn't be asked to finish it so it was
43:37It's not it's just a sort of half finish look the word was causing me the most I gave up at the end of this isn't
43:42A word so I bailed out on the you but now it seems like it is a word am I right check your
43:47cow
43:51It's not in yet
43:52Rob your face
43:54Rudest rudest yeah. Yeah, that feels more
43:57How are you spelling rudest?
44:00Nudest with an R
44:02You don't look happy
44:04I can't believe this is in oh well
44:06It's a watch
44:07Shove it
44:09Is it I do know what it means
44:11That's not
44:12No, it's a cone-shaped fossil bivalve mollusk
44:15Absolutely
44:17I just thought it was someone that was the rudest
44:19I was gonna go for audits but I do want to
44:22Panic jimmy
44:27Sam you're six
44:28Autism
44:29What's your seven?
44:30Stadium
44:31John you're seven
44:32I
44:32I've got mustard
44:33What's the other word?
44:34Marauds
44:35Oh you should have gone with that one
44:37But I wasn't sure on the spelling of that
44:38Oh right
44:39It's never stopped rushing
44:40Shane
44:42Okay seven points to both James
44:47Okay Lou, Susie could they have done any better?
44:51More so
44:52More sevens
44:53More sevens
44:54More sevens
44:55We have marauds and traumas and samurai
44:56Oh
44:57That would have been good
44:58Words
44:59Okay so Rob, Kyle and Sam have 37 points
45:02John and Roisin have 50
45:04Oh
45:05Well done
45:07Stay back
45:08Okay fingers on buzzers
45:09Time for today's countdown conundrum
45:11Your time's
45:12Starts
45:13Now
45:14Starts
45:15Now
45:17Stand
45:18Up
45:19oring
45:32Oh!
45:37Sam?
45:39Er, is it staunched?
45:41Is it...
45:42Is that even a word?
45:43Let's see if Sam is right.
45:52So, the final scores are Rob and Kyle...
45:57...and Sam have 47 points, but our winners, Jon and Roisin, with 50...
46:02Congratulations.
46:03You are now the proud owner of this.
46:05The Countdown Camouflage Fit.
46:12Thank you so much.
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