- 2 days ago
Full Episode Of Divorce Is My Best Christmas Gift
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm playing the space show for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:09Alright, it's about that time.
00:00:11So, are you kissing anybody in the door?
00:00:20Yeah, him.
00:00:22Hi!
00:00:23Just him.
00:00:25Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:55You never get sore.
00:00:57It's just my birthmark.
00:01:00He wants you to stop till we know.
00:01:04I don't want you to stop.
00:01:25I was so drunk last night.
00:01:40I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:45I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:48Happy New Year.
00:01:55Sam, it's me.
00:01:56Hey.
00:01:57Find me the girl from last night.
00:01:59I don't care how.
00:02:00Just do it.
00:02:01I will find you.
00:02:08Maximus.
00:02:09Can you get married already?
00:02:11Then I'm a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:14I need grandkids.
00:02:16I need you.
00:02:17Message received, Mom.
00:02:18I need to go now.
00:02:19I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:30Seven years.
00:02:31Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:33Why do you still love me?
00:02:35Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:45Boss, it's been years.
00:02:50I'm ready to go to the inspection.
00:02:52Your best, sir.
00:02:54But first, we found her big Christmas wife.
00:02:57She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:58Blonde hair, red top.
00:03:00And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:03:03We can never know you.
00:03:04The Harrison Group CEO or she'll check out the price.
00:03:06Good.
00:03:07Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:13Hi.
00:03:14One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:15And one hot chocolate.
00:03:17I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:21Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:26See, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:29It's just for Christmas.
00:03:30But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:33Where's my real one?
00:03:34Uh...
00:03:42I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:43Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:54Daddy!
00:03:55Oh, what?
00:03:56Daddy!
00:03:57No!
00:03:58I'm sorry.
00:03:59I'm not your dad.
00:04:00No, I know you're my dad.
00:04:01You're just as handsome as my house.
00:04:02Oh.
00:04:03Mommy, hurry!
00:04:04Your fit Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:05I asked the agency for an app.
00:04:06What?
00:04:07What?
00:04:08What?
00:04:09What?
00:04:10What?
00:04:11What?
00:04:12What?
00:04:13What?
00:04:14What?
00:04:15What?
00:04:16What?
00:04:17What?
00:04:18What?
00:04:19What?
00:04:20What?
00:04:21What?
00:04:22What?
00:04:23What?
00:04:24I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:27He's gorgeous.
00:04:28Gorgeous
00:04:35Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:37She's waiting to call up a shot.
00:04:40Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:41You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:44So you're my new Christmas wife.
00:04:46See I knew you were the new daddy behind Herbhnthe.
00:04:49Hi my name is Moipher, what's your name?
00:04:51name? Sam didn't say anything about a kid. Max, Aurelius. Eva, I think we should probably
00:04:58sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage. I just need a wife for the holidays. I guess
00:05:05mom gets her grandkid too. So, for our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour and... $1,000 an
00:05:15hour. Well, yeah. It's $500 a day. Is that enough? That's the most that I can pay you. Wait,
00:05:23you're paying me $500 a day? That's when I agreed with the agency. You'll make your
00:05:28thousands over the week. Look, my requirements are simple, okay? Play my pretend husband,
00:05:33come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy family. And then my family
00:05:37will get off my back so Piper can have a good Christmas for once. So she's getting pressure
00:05:44from the folks too. Fine. But she'd have to help me get my mom off my case too. Okay.
00:05:53Deal. I need to go get married.
00:05:57Deal. I need to get married.
00:06:13See you guys? This is my wedding day after all. Pictures.
00:06:19Baga, they're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:29Baga, they're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:51Okay, I think we got it.
00:06:54Oh, I need some photos of us together, too.
00:06:58To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:07:02Yeah, of course.
00:07:13Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:15For my family.
00:07:24Bad news, boss.
00:07:26The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:07:31She failed.
00:07:32But who is...
00:07:36Who is she?
00:07:38Whatever.
00:07:39It doesn't matter.
00:07:41I'll cut what I need.
00:07:45Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:47I already found someone.
00:07:53Okay, well...
00:07:55I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:57Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:59Christmas shopping?
00:08:00That shit come.
00:08:02Look, if you want me to be the husband in this figure to your family plan, I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:08:08It'll make it more believable.
00:08:13Fine.
00:08:14Yeah, fine.
00:08:15Okay.
00:08:16We can help.
00:08:17Let's go.
00:08:18Which mall are we going to?
00:08:19Uh...
00:08:20Let's go to the bank.
00:08:21Let's go to the bank.
00:08:22Oh!
00:08:23What the actual fuck?
00:08:24Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his god damn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:27Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his god damn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:32Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:47She does kind of look like him.
00:08:51So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:56Yeah, give me gifts.
00:08:57They're gonna love you, Max.
00:08:58Also, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice in front of them.
00:09:03Okay.
00:09:04Should we use our tongues or...?
00:09:05No, no, definitely not.
00:09:06No.
00:09:07No.
00:09:08No.
00:09:09No.
00:09:10No.
00:09:11No.
00:09:12No.
00:09:13No.
00:09:14No.
00:09:15No.
00:09:16No.
00:09:17No.
00:09:18No.
00:09:19No.
00:09:20No.
00:09:21No.
00:09:22No.
00:09:23No.
00:09:24No.
00:09:25No.
00:09:26No.
00:09:27No.
00:09:28No.
00:09:29No.
00:09:30No.
00:09:31No.
00:09:32No.
00:09:33No.
00:09:34No.
00:09:35No.
00:09:36No.
00:09:37No.
00:09:38No.
00:09:39No.
00:09:40No.
00:09:41No.
00:09:42No.
00:09:43No.
00:09:44No.
00:09:45No.
00:09:46No.
00:09:47No.
00:09:48No.
00:09:49No.
00:09:50No.
00:09:51No.
00:09:52No.
00:09:53No.
00:09:54No.
00:09:55What are you doing?
00:09:56I'd never let my woman pick up the tap.
00:10:00Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:10:07Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:10:1050% off pies?
00:10:12Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:10:13Twelve pumpkin pies, did I hear this right?
00:10:15They're the best kind.
00:10:17Hurry up and go.
00:10:18Cole, what are you standing here for?
00:10:21Hello there.
00:10:22Hi.
00:10:23You ready?
00:10:23Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:10:24Okay, great.
00:10:26We have a holiday special today.
00:10:28Spend $500, get 10% off, and you're just short.
00:10:32$15 if you want to take advantage of the deal.
00:10:34Oh, great.
00:10:35Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
00:10:38Can you get a move on?
00:10:40I just got here.
00:10:42Relax.
00:10:43Yeah, yeah.
00:10:46Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:48Okay, thank you.
00:10:51Hurry up and pay.
00:10:54I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:57You can wait your turn.
00:11:03Damn, my fake wife has some fire.
00:11:05I'll be waiting for the first time.
00:11:14Yes.
00:11:15I'll be waiting for the first time.
00:11:20Hi, guys.
00:11:22Can I hand you all these guys?
00:11:25Of course.
00:11:29Thank you so much.
00:11:31Of course.
00:11:31I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:34She bought all 12 bucks.
00:11:36Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:37Just to give it away.
00:11:40Merry Christmas.
00:11:47What?
00:11:48Do you do that often?
00:11:49As often as I can.
00:11:56We should go.
00:11:57I gotta take the paper.
00:12:01What's up?
00:12:02You done feeling me up?
00:12:24Shut up.
00:12:25I'm sorry.
00:12:26I was just in character.
00:12:27What?
00:12:27You?
00:12:28Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:30And don't be late.
00:12:48Harrison Group?
00:12:50Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:53Sort of.
00:12:54Not that I'm judging.
00:12:55I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:13:00Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:13:04I think that's respectful.
00:13:06Harrison Group is perfect.
00:13:08I mean, they'll find it impressive.
00:13:09My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:13:11So, perfect.
00:13:17Oh, and, uh, there's something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:13:20Don't worry.
00:13:21Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:23I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:27Too much.
00:13:27Let's go, Sam.
00:13:50It's time to check out the new HQ set.
00:13:51Oh, you're covered in water, you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
00:13:57It's my daughter's name.
00:13:59Your daughter's name.
00:14:01Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:14:04Oh, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:17He's coming.
00:14:19Hey, there they are, are they?
00:14:24How was that?
00:14:25Aren't you native?
00:14:26Oh, I missed you.
00:14:28So, where is this mysterious husband that we heard all about?
00:14:32He's coming.
00:14:33Please don't tell me Maximus failed.
00:14:36Good, good, good.
00:14:38So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie. When's he arriving?
00:14:43Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up.
00:14:46Just how people talking, poor thing.
00:14:49Not surprising. I mean, she's 30.
00:14:52Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:55Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:15:01This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:15:05Auntie Pamela?
00:15:06Daddy?
00:15:07My dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:15:10We're only worried about you.
00:15:12All these years without a husband.
00:15:15Zip it, Pamela.
00:15:16You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:15:20And look what happened.
00:15:21She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:25I'm not alone.
00:15:26Mm-hmm.
00:15:27And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:31He's a manager.
00:15:34Manager?
00:15:35Of what?
00:15:37Trash.
00:15:38Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:39You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:41Actually?
00:15:42He's right here.
00:15:43Oh, wow.
00:15:44Wow.
00:15:45He's really good looking.
00:15:46Oh, must be AI.
00:15:47Mm-hmm.
00:15:48Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:49Fake.
00:15:50That's enough.
00:15:51She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:52Show some respect.
00:15:53Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:16:00him down?
00:16:01Well, guess what?
00:16:02William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:16:03Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:04That's half a million.
00:16:05Half a million.
00:16:06Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:07And speak of the devil.
00:16:08Oh, no, no.
00:16:09That's enough.
00:16:10That's enough.
00:16:11She's our daughter and your niece.
00:16:12Show some respect.
00:16:13Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:16:16him down?
00:16:17Well, guess what?
00:16:19William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:16:22Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:24That's half a million.
00:16:25Half a million.
00:16:26Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:31And speak of the devil.
00:16:34Willie, you're racist.
00:16:39There you are.
00:16:52Oh, look at you now.
00:16:55Living the dream.
00:16:56Oh, Jess.
00:16:57Thank you, Eva.
00:16:58Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal
00:17:03waste manager.
00:17:04So, Marion, huh?
00:17:05Is it serious?
00:17:06That's a marriage is.
00:17:07It's pretty serious.
00:17:08Wow.
00:17:09You must have rushed the time to night, huh?
00:17:10Makes sense, though.
00:17:11You not being a hot damn thing anymore.
00:17:12Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:17:13Yeah.
00:17:14A bullet dog, Willie.
00:17:15Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:16That's right.
00:17:17Just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:17:18Wouldn't love a man in red.
00:17:19Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:20Want to sit on my lap?
00:17:21Don't touch me.
00:17:22Oh, so entitled.
00:17:23Williams.
00:17:24A successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:25And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlap.
00:17:26Oh, so entitled.
00:17:27Williams.
00:17:28wont to know the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:29That's right.
00:17:30I just bought this brand new suit of my Christmas bonus.
00:17:31Would've loved a man in red.
00:17:32Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:33Want to sit on my lap?
00:17:34Don't touch me.
00:17:35Oh, so entitled.
00:17:36Williams.
00:17:37A successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:39And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:50And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:55I mean, look at that car.
00:17:57Did your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:18:00Think of the life I can give you on Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:18:04Get you nobody, husband, and marry me instead.
00:18:09I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on birth.
00:18:12My mom would never marry. She already has us, and he's going to kick your butt.
00:18:25Is that so? Well then, where is he?
00:18:29Because I don't see him. Does anyone see him?
00:18:35No. Just like I thought.
00:18:38Telling lies just like mommy.
00:18:40Hey, that puts you on the Nihilists.
00:18:43And let me show you what happens to the Nihilists.
00:18:49Hey.
00:18:51Is it okay?
00:18:52She is. Oh my God.
00:18:55Let me take her in and get her past stuff, okay?
00:18:57Come on, now.
00:19:00What the hell's the matter with you?
00:19:02How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:19:07Let me go.
00:19:07Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:19:13Let me go!
00:19:18Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:32Max, the king.
00:19:38How are you, sweetie?
00:19:42Where's Piper?
00:19:44William Hitter?
00:19:45Long down at Tee Grinside.
00:19:47Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:19:50Well, well, well.
00:19:52It isn't a waste manager I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:56That's right.
00:19:56Now I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:59Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:20:04It's an honor to meet you.
00:20:06I'm Max.
00:20:07Eva told us all about you.
00:20:08From New York.
00:20:10Polite.
00:20:10Handsome.
00:20:11Just like she said.
00:20:13Wow.
00:20:15He was an AI.
00:20:16See?
00:20:17He's real.
00:20:19And he's more of a man here than will you ever dream to be.
00:20:22You son of a bitch!
00:20:23You just ruined my suit!
00:20:25And why do I get to drive that...
00:20:26That pristine automobile?
00:20:29That car?
00:20:30Oh my God.
00:20:32That's worth more than a house.
00:20:34That car?
00:20:36It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:40Wait.
00:20:42Are you?
00:20:47Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:50And that's all he needs to know.
00:20:52I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:55You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:57You stole it!
00:20:58That car belongs to the CEO of my company!
00:21:00Jesus!
00:21:01How did he get away with it?
00:21:03That's what I want to know!
00:21:05Enough!
00:21:05Please!
00:21:08I'm just my daughter.
00:21:10She would never marry a criminal.
00:21:13Max, be honest with me.
00:21:16Where did that car come from?
00:21:18I'm a student, my flight.
00:21:19I'll be more lonely than you'd make it three lifetimes.
00:21:24What's up?
00:21:25You need a breath a minute.
00:21:29Hey, attention!
00:21:30I'm calling the cops!
00:21:31Oh, way ahead of you!
00:21:33Wait.
00:21:34What?
00:21:35Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:21:38Oh, well...
00:21:39Too late.
00:21:41Listen, honey.
00:21:48I believe you.
00:21:50But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:54Mr. Smith, don't worry.
00:21:56It's my car.
00:21:57Okay?
00:21:57It's not stolen.
00:21:58Yeah?
00:21:59If it's yours, then prove it.
00:22:02Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:22:05Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:22:06Okay, I'll prove that it's mine.
00:22:09But then you have to get lost.
00:22:10And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:22:13Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:22:16Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:22:18Loser!
00:22:19Say one more word, and I'll give them a real reason to take me in.
00:22:24Jesus.
00:22:25Maybe he is a crime boss.
00:22:27He's kind of sexy, though.
00:22:31Here.
00:22:32Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:33Mr. Harrison?
00:22:46Mr. Harrison?
00:22:50Mr. Harrison?
00:22:52Just play alone.
00:22:54Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:56Now get the fuck out of here.
00:22:57Before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:23:00Yes, sir!
00:23:01I'm so sorry, sir!
00:23:02I'm so sorry, sir!
00:23:05Oh, jeez.
00:23:17That William?
00:23:18What a jerk, huh?
00:23:20You fooled me.
00:23:21What can I say?
00:23:22Let's not let this little misunderstanding ruin the holidays.
00:23:26Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:23:28Oh, come on, you know.
00:23:29We were just looking out for you.
00:23:32Praise for God, Mr. Harrison.
00:23:34You know, my youngest son is graduating.
00:23:36Soon.
00:23:37Do you think that, uh, you could help him give us a foot in the door?
00:23:41A job at the Harrison Group, even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:23:46We are a family, aren't we?
00:23:48And we take care of each other.
00:23:50If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group, you can put in an application like everyone
00:23:55else's.
00:23:56Abigail, come on, talk to her for us.
00:23:59Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:24:03Yeah, I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:24:06My daughter is just far too busy for your best life for my new son-in-law.
00:24:11Come on, guys, let's go in.
00:24:14Welcome to the family.
00:24:18Welcome.
00:24:24This is your fault, Pam.
00:24:26You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:24:30My fault.
00:24:31You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, will ya?
00:24:34Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:46And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:48And how old you...
00:24:49I told you, I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:24:52I have a friend in high places.
00:24:55A friend who just hands your keys to that million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury car?
00:24:59Yes.
00:25:00It's the season of giving.
00:25:02He knows people.
00:25:03Has connections.
00:25:05He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:25:07You're a crime boss, aren't you?
00:25:09Yeah, you best not forget it, could be?
00:25:11Oh, my God, just don't blow your cover.
00:25:15Dad!
00:25:16Mom!
00:25:17Thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:25:20Oh, honey.
00:25:21We're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong...
00:25:26Good luck.
00:25:27I think they'd get it.
00:25:32How's Piper?
00:25:32Oh, she's fine.
00:25:34Why don't you guys just get sewed in and we will go check on her.
00:25:38And if your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:25:43Great.
00:25:43All right, see you in a bit.
00:25:45What are you doing?
00:25:49Okay.
00:25:49Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:25:57Relax.
00:25:58It was just a hug.
00:26:00Ugh.
00:26:02We just got here and I'm already exhausted.
00:26:05You'll be okay.
00:26:06It's just one week.
00:26:07Only now.
00:26:08Well, I would, but I need to get paid.
00:26:11What are you doing?
00:26:18That's weird.
00:26:19They were so lovely to be just a second ago.
00:26:22I don't know.
00:26:23Something just smells off.
00:26:25That's ridiculous.
00:26:26I mean, what do you want them to do?
00:26:28They don't want us to prove it?
00:26:31I'll pass.
00:26:32I'll pass.
00:26:32I'll pass.
00:26:33Later.
00:26:33Here we go.
00:26:44Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:26:45Everything looks amazing and happy holidays.
00:26:48To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:26:51Oh.
00:26:53Welcome.
00:26:54Cheers.
00:26:54Thank you, Smith.
00:26:56Looks great.
00:26:57Oh, just call me mom, honey.
00:26:59I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:27:04But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:27:08Oh, no.
00:27:09Mom's testing him.
00:27:10She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:27:12You mean to tell me you two are married and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite food?
00:27:19Ow.
00:27:20Eva, sweetie.
00:27:22Kicking my foot.
00:27:23Oh, sorry, mom.
00:27:25Oh, jeez.
00:27:28It's okay.
00:27:29Mom, of course he knows this.
00:27:31We'd like to hear Max say it.
00:27:3312 pumpkin pies.
00:27:47I hear this right?
00:27:48The best kind.
00:27:51Well, of course.
00:27:52It's pumpkin pie.
00:27:54See?
00:27:56Are you happy now?
00:27:57That's good.
00:27:58But something still falls off.
00:27:59Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:28:03We had a whirlwind romance and we eloped before we got to know everything about each other.
00:28:08But our marriage is real.
00:28:11I guess your mom was just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:28:14Ah, now those are quality.
00:28:19Okay, well, then answer this.
00:28:22Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:28:23Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:28:29I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:28:33Well, um, it's...
00:28:35Silly face.
00:28:36Dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:28:39Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:28:41Silly face.
00:28:42I am not paying extra for this.
00:28:46Consider it a Christmas.
00:28:48You're losers.
00:28:50It's nice.
00:28:52You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:55Well, believe it or not, Miss Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:28:58And I'm not just talking about William.
00:29:00I'll drink tonight.
00:29:02I like room there.
00:29:04So come on, guys.
00:29:05Let's eat.
00:29:06Let's eat.
00:29:06Let's eat.
00:29:07Let's eat.
00:29:10And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:29:22I have another room set up for Piper.
00:29:25Nice and festive for you.
00:29:28No complications, right?
00:29:29Sorry, honey.
00:29:31Mom, you know what?
00:29:32I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:29:33Oh, honey.
00:29:35Newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:29:36Oh, I just remembered.
00:29:40The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:29:42Something about water conservation.
00:29:44That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:29:46Or 15 minutes?
00:29:49Honey, it's no big deal.
00:29:50Just shower together.
00:29:53Shower together?
00:29:57Just shower together.
00:29:59Okay, you guys.
00:30:00Have a good night, okay?
00:30:01Okay.
00:30:01You heard it.
00:30:27Oh, wow.
00:30:29Why are you stripping?
00:30:31Well, I can't take a shower with your clothes on.
00:30:34Come on, we're wasting time at 15 minutes.
00:30:36Nice try. I am not showering with you.
00:30:39All right, suit yourself. Or move from here to there.
00:30:42Not that I need to hear first.
00:30:58Come on, Max.
00:31:03If you're out of the way, you create nothing physical.
00:31:06You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:31:08Relax.
00:31:09I won't touch you.
00:31:11Unless you say you want me to.
00:31:15You're going to cross this road.
00:31:26In your dreams.
00:31:29Great to join me.
00:31:50So if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have to shower while you're left.
00:31:54You bitch.
00:31:55Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:57You afraid you'll call for me?
00:31:58It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:32:02Oh, yeah?
00:32:02Okay.
00:32:03Holy shit.
00:32:15Holy shit.
00:32:20Um.
00:32:22This is what's the heart of my dog.
00:32:24I'll say.
00:32:26What happened to all that cool guy companies?
00:32:28So thank you, Camus.
00:32:32Maybe.
00:32:35I don't want to.
00:32:44Or maybe we should.
00:32:47God, you're such a good kisser.
00:32:50Why does this feel so familiar?
00:32:58Oh, you're such a good kisser.
00:33:10Max, we do not do this.
00:33:12What? I didn't mean to cross any...
00:33:15It's not you, Max. It's us. It's this. This is all it asks.
00:33:19Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:33:22You're right.
00:33:24I'm sorry.
00:33:26You need to be sorry. Just...
00:33:27Earthmark.
00:33:42What is that?
00:33:44It's him. The man from New Year's.
00:33:47Is he Piper's father?
00:33:52Why are you acting?
00:33:56Oh, my God.
00:33:57Max is Piper's father.
00:34:00Are you okay?
00:34:01Yeah, I...
00:34:02I just, um...
00:34:04I just got lightheaded.
00:34:06I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:34:08I'll, um...
00:34:09Of course.
00:34:14We have a daughter together.
00:34:16Oh, my God.
00:34:17What do I do?
00:34:18I'm going to sleep on the floor.
00:34:26You can take the bed.
00:34:29Thanks.
00:34:31Hey.
00:34:33Are you sure you're okay?
00:34:35Look, fake marriage aside, I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:34:39So if there's something you need, I can help.
00:34:41I want to help.
00:34:44He's Piper's father.
00:34:45He has a way to know.
00:34:48Um, Max...
00:34:51How would you feel if you found out you had a kid?
00:34:54A child?
00:35:00No, no, no.
00:35:00That's...
00:35:01That's impossible.
00:35:02I'm very careful.
00:35:05Mostly.
00:35:05I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:35:10Family, to me, is a big commitment.
00:35:12And I don't want any loose ends.
00:35:15You know?
00:35:16Right.
00:35:18You wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:35:21I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:35:23Why do you ask?
00:35:25No reason.
00:35:26Just...
00:35:27Just curious.
00:35:28No, I...
00:35:29I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:35:32What?
00:35:33No.
00:35:34Well, then...
00:35:36Can I ask you a question?
00:35:38Shoot.
00:35:44Where did you get these?
00:35:45And how did you know my exact size?
00:35:48I didn't get those.
00:35:50I don't know where those came from.
00:35:51Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:35:55I don't know where the truth is.
00:36:10The, uh, the truth is, is that I...
00:36:17Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, just a second, come in!
00:36:24Hey, hon, oh, sorry for interrupting, but, uh, Piper is asking for a bedtime story before I tuck around.
00:36:32You need to take this one, Dad? We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:36:36I can see that.
00:36:38Well, why don't I read it to her?
00:36:40I mean, if you don't, if you don't mind.
00:36:42What? I don't want.
00:36:44You know what? Just put a shirt on. I'm gonna go get her.
00:36:47Piper! Here comes Grandpa!
00:36:52He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
00:36:56and away they all flew, like the down of a thistle.
00:36:59But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
00:37:04Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.
00:37:08If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:37:15Good night, Piper.
00:37:20Is her dad still around?
00:37:22Yeah, but he doesn't know it, because you're her dad.
00:37:27Uh, no.
00:37:27That man has no idea what a treasure he's gonna see on him.
00:37:36Do you really think so?
00:37:38From the bottom of my heart.
00:37:41Maybe I should tell him.
00:37:43He deserves to know.
00:37:43Max, you're Piper's father.
00:38:03I saw you other times, right?
00:38:05Where's Piper?
00:38:32She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:38:34God, he's such a good kisser.
00:39:01She's gonna kiss him, right?
00:39:02No, I'm not watching.
00:39:09Yeah, this.
00:39:11I remember this.
00:39:12Good morning, you two love bugs.
00:39:25How was your stay at Chateau-Smith?
00:39:28Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:39:30It was, uh, it was great.
00:39:32Wonderful.
00:39:32Well, it's about to get even better.
00:39:34Oh, no.
00:39:35Oh, no.
00:39:38What is that?
00:39:39Sardines and saltines.
00:39:41It's a Smith family classic.
00:39:43It was my grand-grand's favorite during wartime.
00:39:46Don't be shy.
00:39:46Go ahead, grab a handful.
00:39:49Max, you don't have to.
00:39:51No, no.
00:39:51It's okay.
00:39:53Smith family staple.
00:39:55Oh, it's over there.
00:40:14Good?
00:40:15Good.
00:40:16Good?
00:40:17Good.
00:40:18Well, you two better get dressed.
00:40:21You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:40:25Can I, um, cut off some water, please?
00:40:28That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:40:32What's the deal with them?
00:40:33Every year, Aunt Miranda, the bully side, and I says Piper's a fatherless brat.
00:40:38Hey, don't worry.
00:40:42I'll protect you and Piper.
00:40:46Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:40:50Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:41:04Wait, that earring.
00:41:07Wait.
00:41:08That earring.
00:41:10You like it?
00:41:11I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:41:14Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:41:17I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:41:23Right.
00:41:24It's just a common earring.
00:41:26Anyone can have it.
00:41:27Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:41:29She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:41:33So, Ava and Piper still are here.
00:41:37But Derrick said that Ava got married.
00:41:40What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:41:44The aging single mom.
00:41:47Slim pickings.
00:41:48I heard he's in waste management.
00:41:51That explains it.
00:41:52She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:41:56No, please, Miranda.
00:41:57Look.
00:41:58Ava is your niece.
00:41:59Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:42:01Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:42:05Her track record speaks for itself.
00:42:07Exactly.
00:42:07Not like my Sierra.
00:42:09Married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:42:12Oh, they're here.
00:42:17Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:42:23Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:42:25Merry Christmas.
00:42:27You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:42:29I am.
00:42:30I'm Eva's husband.
00:42:32Max.
00:42:32Pleasure to meet you.
00:42:33Welcome.
00:42:33You're Eva's husband.
00:42:36But you're gorgeous.
00:42:40But nice, handsome, Sue.
00:42:43Look at you two.
00:42:44You look like you just sat down in the movie.
00:42:46Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:42:49This is for Max and I have the moment.
00:42:51Oh, my goodness.
00:42:52I bet you need that.
00:42:53Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:42:55Oh, my bad.
00:42:58Oh, a homemade gift.
00:43:00How thrifty.
00:43:02Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:43:04Mommy's right, you made a little hack.
00:43:07You little.
00:43:10You will not lay a hand on my daughter.
00:43:13We will lose yours.
00:43:14Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:43:18Look what you just did to my mother.
00:43:19My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:43:23He could ruin your butt.
00:43:31Hey, are you okay?
00:43:39I'm fine.
00:43:40I'm just right.
00:43:41Yeah.
00:43:42It's okay.
00:43:42It's okay.
00:43:45What are you?
00:43:48Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:43:51Did you just slap me?
00:43:53Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:43:55You're a fucking psycho.
00:43:56You know what, Sierra?
00:43:57I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:44:03You're family.
00:44:04She means me.
00:44:10You okay, honey?
00:44:11Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:44:14Do something.
00:44:15You don't know who you're messing with.
00:44:17I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:44:19Oh, wow.
00:44:20I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:44:26Would you have any idea how a CEO thinks?
00:44:29Let's call him.
00:44:30I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:44:33Please.
00:44:34Who do you think you are?
00:44:36Me not.
00:44:39There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:44:42Fine, Dad.
00:44:43Let it go, Nathan.
00:44:45They're just jealous.
00:44:47For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:44:51I think you, Nathan, a thank you.
00:44:55I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:44:58Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:45:00All right, that's enough.
00:45:01Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:45:17Is this a joke?
00:45:27Can you please pass me some food?
00:45:29Hold it.
00:45:30Who said you could eat anything else?
00:45:32My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:45:35My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:45:42King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed white heel.
00:45:47Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:45:51And you don't get a single bite.
00:45:53It's just petty.
00:45:54Maybe so.
00:45:56But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:46:00Fine.
00:46:01Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:46:03Come on, let's go.
00:46:04No, no.
00:46:05Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:46:09Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:46:12Fine.
00:46:12I know, dear.
00:46:13I just want to have our family together.
00:46:15Fine.
00:46:16We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:46:19Our strays are a bitch.
00:46:21What was that?
00:46:25I just want to have our family together.
00:46:28Fine.
00:46:29We'll stay.
00:46:31Can I have a little bit more?
00:46:32It's okay, sweetie.
00:46:34We'll get something right after.
00:46:36Like, drive-thru?
00:46:38I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:46:41That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:46:46No safe.
00:46:47Ow.
00:46:47Sweetie, are you okay?
00:46:49Yes, please.
00:46:50You hit my child.
00:46:52You're fucking crazy.
00:46:53Well, if you teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:46:57Don't worry, baby.
00:47:02Don't worry, baby.
00:47:02I'll handle it.
00:47:05Don't worry, baby.
00:47:06I'll handle it.
00:47:07I'll handle it.
00:47:09I'll handle it.
00:47:11Hi, sweetie.
00:47:13Are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:47:19Okay, sweetheart.
00:47:20Give me two minutes.
00:47:21I want to fall call.
00:47:22As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:47:25Actually, I do.
00:47:27He's such a liar.
00:47:29This ought to be hilarious.
00:47:31Oh, it will be.
00:47:34Sam!
00:47:36Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:47:40I'm already on my way.
00:47:45Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:47:47I'm already on my way.
00:47:50You hear this guy?
00:47:52He wants the best king crab in the world.
00:47:55From Antarctica.
00:47:57Now you have a new marriage, Eva.
00:47:59His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:48:02Thanks.
00:48:03What are you doing?
00:48:04Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:48:06Santa's already on the sweater.
00:48:07Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:48:17A helicopter?
00:48:19There's no way.
00:48:32How did you call this off?
00:48:33His name is like family.
00:48:35I thought I'd introduce you to.
00:48:36Thanks, boss.
00:48:38Boss?
00:48:39Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:48:42Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:48:44Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:48:48I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:48:51You're the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:48:55Mm-hmm.
00:48:55Come on.
00:49:00You can stop kidding around.
00:49:02Excuse me, I'll let you be here.
00:49:04I'm sorry, my husband.
00:49:06I actually am the CEO.
00:49:08Come on.
00:49:09You can stop the charade.
00:49:10Okay, this is just another favor from that big, big friend, isn't it?
00:49:13Eva?
00:49:14I'm not pretending.
00:49:15Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab, as you requested.
00:49:20How is this possible?
00:49:32This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:49:39Who are you?
00:49:40I told you.
00:49:42Eva's husband.
00:49:43That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:49:46Wait.
00:49:47No.
00:49:47Hold on.
00:49:48You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:49:54You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:49:57Some of the small ones.
00:49:59I mean, you know that.
00:50:01You work for me.
00:50:03Okay.
00:50:04I insulted my own boss.
00:50:06I'm finished.
00:50:12Okay.
00:50:13I insulted my own boss.
00:50:15I'm finished.
00:50:16I didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:50:19Pretending that your CEO is a hell of a move.
00:50:21Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:50:23For tonight, you're C-sense.
00:50:25And with that, your career.
00:50:28So you're fired.
00:50:30Fired?
00:50:31Sam?
00:50:35You're fired?
00:50:36Oh, God.
00:50:37I can't be fired!
00:50:38Mr. Harrison, please.
00:50:43You can hold as much crap as you want.
00:50:45Please.
00:50:45Mr. Harrison, I'll do anything.
00:50:48Guys, I got the trash.
00:50:55And you.
00:50:56Oh, me?
00:50:59Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:51:00That was a Christmas joke.
00:51:02A family tradition.
00:51:03Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:51:07Sam?
00:51:11Will you do me the honors?
00:51:14Gladly.
00:51:19Merry Christmas.
00:51:23Father, do something!
00:51:26Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:51:27I'm leaving!
00:51:29Mmm, I've got my family.
00:51:37Come on, sweetie.
00:51:39Daddy, have a scrap line just for you.
00:51:41Eat as much as you want.
00:51:43Yes, daddy.
00:51:47I am so sorry I went through Christmas.
00:51:49It just couldn't take the intriguing of my bed.
00:51:51Honestly?
00:51:53This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:51:56Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:51:58Just like this.
00:51:59Does he really mean that?
00:52:01Or is he just playing the part?
00:52:03I can't tell.
00:52:05And that terrifies me.
00:52:11Merry Christmas, Ms. Harrison.
00:52:13I brought you a gift.
00:52:14Here's the fraternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:52:17Oh, this is wonderful!
00:52:25Sam, I have a granddaughter!
00:52:27Tell me everything.
00:52:29Miss Elizabeth, single mother, small-town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works
00:52:35for me, too.
00:52:36Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:52:39A high school dropout?
00:52:41In the Harrison family?
00:52:43Not a chance.
00:52:44She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:52:52Maximus seems to like her.
00:52:53Silence.
00:52:54Get me the address where she works.
00:52:57It's Happy Hills on Broadway.
00:52:58That's nice.
00:52:59We own that one.
00:53:02Good work.
00:53:03I was going to have that stupid hat.
00:53:15Thanks.
00:53:15So your dad insisted that I try this one and save me for 20 years.
00:53:22Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:53:24Yeah, and hell not you.
00:53:29Me?
00:53:30Yeah.
00:53:33Are you happy with your new husband?
00:53:38Eva?
00:53:38That birthmark.
00:53:51Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:53:58Maximus, there's so much we don't know.
00:53:59So much we're not telling each other.
00:54:01Uh, no feelings, no complications.
00:54:05That's what we agreed upon.
00:54:06Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:54:09Max.
00:54:10Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:54:13It's cold.
00:54:15Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:54:19Max.
00:54:21I need to tell you something.
00:54:25Something important.
00:54:27What's gotten into her?
00:54:29Is she hiding something?
00:54:30It's just the part where you tell me there's no Santa.
00:54:34I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:54:36Hyper is...
00:54:39Hyper is...
00:54:42Hyper is...
00:54:43Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:54:46Sweetie.
00:54:47Hey, gosh.
00:54:48I'm so small.
00:54:49Must have been when that whip smacked her with a fork earlier.
00:54:52Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:54:53Mommy's gonna go get a first date, okay?
00:54:57Come on, Hyper.
00:54:58Okay, let me see.
00:55:06I promise I won't let anybody hurt you or Mommy again.
00:55:10That's not true.
00:55:12You were leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:55:16Daddy!
00:55:17No!
00:55:18Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:55:31Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:55:34Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:55:36Really?
00:55:36Please stay, Daddy.
00:55:38Daddy.
00:55:38You think it will scar?
00:55:45Hmm.
00:55:48I wouldn't worry about it.
00:55:49Scars make you look like a badass.
00:55:51I have one, too.
00:55:53Yeah.
00:55:53I got that when I was about your age.
00:55:57Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:56:00Really?
00:56:01No way.
00:56:02No.
00:56:03It was actually a cactus.
00:56:04But it's still cool.
00:56:08I had something like that on the back of my neck.
00:56:13Piper, how long have you had that?
00:56:16My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:56:23And how old are you?
00:56:25Six.
00:56:26Six?
00:56:27That one-night stand was about seven years ago.
00:56:30Okay, I found the first-aid kid.
00:56:32Eva, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:56:36What do I even say?
00:56:38And how do I explain it's a Piper?
00:56:40Sorry, honey.
00:56:41This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:56:45Um, yeah.
00:56:49Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:56:51Eva.
00:56:53Hey, look.
00:57:00Piper is...
00:57:04Go on.
00:57:13That must be an emergency.
00:57:16Excuse me.
00:57:17Sorry.
00:57:18I'm serious.
00:57:18This is...
00:57:19Wait, are you okay?
00:57:27Yeah.
00:57:29Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:57:32I don't even have the cuts to tell the truth.
00:57:35Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:57:40I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:57:44She's a high school dropout.
00:57:46Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:57:48She's not meant to raise my granddaughter.
00:57:51I'm Eva's husband.
00:57:52Max, that man has no idea what the treasure...
00:57:57He's missing out.
00:58:01I'm sorry, Max.
00:58:03You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:58:04Your mother would take her away.
00:58:06After Christmas, it's over.
00:58:10Eva?
00:58:12Maximus?
00:58:13Are you even listening to me?
00:58:15No, Mom, Mom.
00:58:16Listen.
00:58:16I'm sorry, okay?
00:58:18Eva's my wife.
00:58:19And I made up my mind.
00:58:20I'm not leaving her.
00:58:23Eva?
00:58:30Did you hear me?
00:58:34Oh, I'm good.
00:58:35This is for you, Grandma.
00:58:42Oh, wow.
00:58:44That's so cool.
00:58:45Did you hear me?
00:58:45Uh, Derek, this is, um, you know.
00:58:49Oh, you're so welcome.
00:58:51Oh, thanks, Dad.
00:58:52I'll go out of here.
00:58:56Oh!
00:58:57Oh!
00:58:58Man, these are great.
00:59:00Grandpa, rain win.
00:59:02Show ears.
00:59:08Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:59:10It's in the other room by the train set.
00:59:12Hey, I'll go with you.
00:59:13There's a song that we sang.
00:59:14Hey, Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:59:18We've got guys walking home from our house.
00:59:20Christmas Eve.
00:59:25You ever told me?
00:59:29Have we met before?
00:59:34Have we met before?
00:59:35She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:59:40I don't know what you're getting at.
00:59:46Eva, I had the same birthmark as Parker.
00:59:49I don't know what you're talking about.
00:59:58Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:59:59They're very common.
01:00:01They feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
01:00:04No matter how I feel about him.
01:00:08Maybe.
01:00:11Are you okay?
01:00:12Well, the claws is a bad idea.
01:00:18I know.
01:00:19I'm fine.
01:00:21Um.
01:00:23Oh, I almost forgot.
01:00:27I actually did.
01:00:28You got me a gift, too?
01:00:30Kiss the season.
01:00:32Okay.
01:00:32Close.
01:00:48Did you make these?
01:00:50Yeah.
01:00:51I know this is a fake marriage, but it's Christmas.
01:00:55You've already done so much for me.
01:00:56I just wanted to do a little something for you.
01:00:58How do they feel?
01:01:02Warm, right?
01:01:04Yeah.
01:01:05Warm.
01:01:07Soft.
01:01:11Perfect.
01:01:15Thank you, Eva.
01:01:17I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
01:01:22Really?
01:01:23Yeah, my mom.
01:01:24She partied all the time.
01:01:26And I got gifts.
01:01:28Plenty of them, but, um, I don't think she ever bought one or so.
01:01:34Nothing personal.
01:01:36But you deserve it.
01:01:38You're a good guy.
01:01:41And that someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
01:01:48What if that day's today?
01:01:50What if I already found someone special?
01:01:57Right here.
01:01:58What if you want me to stop?
01:01:59What if you want me to stop?
01:02:00You're a good guy.
01:02:01I can't.
01:02:03No.
01:02:04I can't.
01:02:05No.
01:02:06I can't.
01:02:07It's true.
01:02:23Mars, we can't.
01:02:26If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:02:34I don't want you to stop.
01:02:37No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:02:46I don't want you to stop.
01:02:58I don't want you to stop.
01:03:02I don't want you to stop.
01:03:04I don't want you to stop.
01:03:05I don't want you to stop.
01:03:05I don't want you to stop.
01:03:06God, you're a giant monster.
01:03:11Keep this.
01:03:13I don't want you to stop.
01:03:16My girl!
01:03:18My girl!
01:03:19Fire girl?
01:03:27She can't see me.
01:03:30Here you go.
01:03:49Grandma, I'm up here.
01:03:54That was way too close.
01:04:08Yeah.
01:04:10We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:04:15Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:04:19Can I still unwrap my present?
01:04:23Yeah, you still haven't given me mine.
01:04:30I'll be given to you.
01:04:53I'll be given to you.
01:05:08What are you calling me?
01:05:15Hello?
01:05:17Hello Eva Smith.
01:05:19I'm Max's mother.
01:05:21Name your price.
01:05:22What would it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:05:25What?
01:05:26We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:05:30Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:05:34My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:05:38But Piper is my daughter.
01:05:39And no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:05:43So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own.
01:05:45But I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:05:50That's my beautiful wife.
01:05:56You okay?
01:06:01Look, we made it to Christmas.
01:06:04So I think it's best to leave our separate ways.
01:06:08What are you talking about?
01:06:10It's over.
01:06:11It's not that hard to understand.
01:06:16Eva, wait!
01:06:18So last night meant nothing to you?
01:06:25Max, it's not real.
01:06:30None of it is real.
01:06:32So, this is just a goodbye.
01:06:35I didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:06:39Look.
01:06:41Last night, I let my card down.
01:06:46But I'm a mother, and my choices affect Piper.
01:06:49And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:06:52Just tell me what you need.
01:06:54I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband.
01:06:57A good father.
01:06:59Just say the word.
01:07:05You don't get it.
01:07:08You don't get it.
01:07:16I think it's time to let Piper hang on back to you.
01:07:23I won't give up on us.
01:07:25Are we here?
01:07:41Yes.
01:07:42As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:07:46Piper.
01:07:47It's me.
01:07:48You need makeup.
01:07:49Um...
01:07:50How could you just walk away?
01:07:54Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:07:55It's part of the agreement, too.
01:07:57Can I just pay you a little extra and save it?
01:08:00You promised.
01:08:01Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:08:02Can you do this for me, please?
01:08:03All right, fine.
01:08:04Fine.
01:08:05Two days.
01:08:06I'll come pick you up.
01:08:07Don't need.
01:08:08Just...
01:08:09Just...
01:08:10Just...
01:08:11Just...
01:08:12Just...
01:08:13Just...
01:08:14Just...
01:08:15Just...
01:08:16Just...
01:08:17Just...
01:08:18Just...
01:08:19Just...
01:08:20Just...
01:08:21Just...
01:08:22Just...
01:08:23Just...
01:08:24Just...
01:08:25Just...
01:08:26Just...
01:08:27Just...
01:08:28Just...
01:08:29Just...
01:08:30Just...
01:08:31Just...
01:08:32Just...
01:08:33Just...
01:08:34Just...
01:08:35Just...
01:08:36I know you and mommy thought...
01:08:39But she still really likes you.
01:08:41So don't give up, okay, daddy?
01:08:43Thank you, sweetie.
01:08:44If there's one thing you should know about your daddy, then...
01:08:47I always fight for the ones I love.
01:09:11He was meeting my mother today.
01:09:13Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:09:15Boss?
01:09:16Boss?
01:09:17Boss?
01:09:21Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:09:24I need to go and back my family.
01:09:26Family?
01:09:27Boss, you okay?
01:09:28Never better.
01:09:30Go get her, Max.
01:09:33Go get her, Max.
01:09:38He has your best smile and...
01:09:40Ah, there he is!
01:09:42Maximus, darling!
01:09:44I have some prospects for you.
01:09:46Nice high society girls from the city.
01:09:50Oh.
01:09:51I told you.
01:09:52I already found the woman I love.
01:09:53What?
01:09:54Maximus, stop this.
01:09:55That evil woman is skinny, your son.
01:09:57Tell me what kind of woman you want and I'll find you another.
01:09:59You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:10:00No, I'm not.
01:10:01Oh.
01:10:02I work in waste management.
01:10:03And I'm a secret crime boss.
01:10:05I'm Eva's husband.
01:10:06And I'm a father.
01:10:07What?
01:10:08What?
01:10:09What do you mean?
01:10:10I can't even say I'm not skinny.
01:10:11You are skinny, your son.
01:10:12Tell me what kind of woman you want and I'll find you another.
01:10:14You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:10:17No, I'm not.
01:10:18Oh.
01:10:20I work in waste management, and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:10:24I'm Eva's husband.
01:10:26And I'm a father.
01:10:31What?
01:10:38Huh, that's her.
01:10:46The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:10:51Hi, welcome in.
01:10:52Can I help you find something?
01:10:54I want to try those.
01:10:59Awesome, we're going to bring you right away.
01:11:02Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:11:05No, no, no.
01:11:09I know what I want.
01:11:115-7.
01:11:14Oh, baby can't even walk, but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:11:18Come on, she wants the white shoes.
01:11:25Ignore her, she's just going to be over the holidays.
01:11:28Here, let me help you.
01:11:29Come on.
01:11:30She seems kind.
01:11:41I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:11:43She's just doing her job.
01:11:47How do you feel?
01:11:48Well, I love the style, but it's too small.
01:11:52I think I need a size up.
01:11:54Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:11:55Right away.
01:12:00I'll be right quick.
01:12:01She's not only kind, she's patient.
01:12:04Was I wrong about her?
01:12:05Are you only here, Reckland?
01:12:25Well, who gives a shit?
01:12:27She can't walk.
01:12:28That's just pure evil.
01:12:35Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:12:38She's in a wheelchair.
01:12:40Who cares?
01:12:41It's the last pair.
01:12:42I get paid commission.
01:12:49I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:12:51See, this is your whole problem.
01:12:57This is why you'll always be crook.
01:13:01I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:13:04I'm not sending her joke.
01:13:07She has to deal with people like this?
01:13:10People who insult her all day?
01:13:13I'm your manager.
01:13:14Sell the old bitty the shoes, or you're fired.
01:13:27Did I stutter?
01:13:32You don't have to fire me.
01:13:36I quit.
01:13:42I don't work here anymore.
01:13:45Listen, don't buy the shoes.
01:13:49They're broken.
01:13:49Spend your heart and money on fire, okay?
01:13:51You're a good person, after all.
01:13:55Looks like I misjudged you.
01:13:58I'm sorry?
01:14:00Why are you still here, Eva?
01:14:03Get out!
01:14:09You're not disabled?
01:14:11Selling broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:14:14Absolutely shameful.
01:14:18Who are you?
01:14:19I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group, and the owner of the store.
01:14:26You're Eleanor Harrison?
01:14:28Mother of the CEO?
01:14:30I am.
01:14:30I am.
01:14:31And you, my dear, are fired.
01:14:35What did I do?
01:14:39You are a good person.
01:14:42From now on, this floor is yours to run.
01:14:45Are you serious?
01:14:51That's right.
01:14:53Don't be nervous, child.
01:14:56You are professional, responsible, far better than that two-bit manager.
01:15:01You, out.
01:15:08I'll leave.
01:15:11I'm leaving.
01:15:12I, I, I, I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:15:18No, don't worry.
01:15:21You're getting a promotion.
01:15:23You deserve it, my dear.
01:15:27First assignment.
01:15:30I want that row, and that row, and the entire display case.
01:15:36Pack it all up and bring it to my house, hmm?
01:15:39Okay.
01:15:42Once we're home, I'll tell her I'm her mother-in-law.
01:15:46I can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter.
01:15:56She's the mother of CEO.
01:15:57Oh, of course she was like this.
01:16:09Mrs. Harrison?
01:16:11I'm here with your delivery.
01:16:12Max?
01:16:16Eva.
01:16:18What are you doing here?
01:16:21I, uh...
01:16:22There you are, Eva.
01:16:25Wonderful we can finally meet each other properly.
01:16:28My new daughter-in-law.
01:16:31What are you doing?
01:16:35It means you really are the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:16:40Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:16:42Stop.
01:16:44And you.
01:16:45You lied to me as a store.
01:16:48You were both just testing me?
01:16:50Is this some sick game rich people play?
01:16:52I'm sorry, Eva.
01:16:54I thought you might be using my son just after his money.
01:16:58But I was wrong.
01:16:59Eva, please.
01:17:00I don't deserve to be treated like this.
01:17:02And every working-class girl is after your money.
01:17:06But she thinks that in me.
01:17:08It's not like that, dear.
01:17:10Eva, what are you talking about?
01:17:11Mom, what did you do?
01:17:14I was just trying to get the two of you back together.
01:17:17We're not together.
01:17:20I can't love something that was never real.
01:17:26I'm being a horrible mistake.
01:17:28What are you waiting for, son?
01:17:31No effort.
01:17:35Eva.
01:17:36Let me go.
01:17:37I swear, it's not what you think.
01:17:39Let me come from two completely different worlds.
01:17:41Stop pretending that you care.
01:17:42I'm not pretending.
01:17:44Okay, I can't fake what we have.
01:17:46In everything I've done for you, and Piper, this is real.
01:17:49Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:17:58Max, the king.
01:18:00God, you are kind.
01:18:01Fucking insane.
01:18:03Yeah.
01:18:04I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:18:08Just be the word.
01:18:09See?
01:18:15Stop fighting.
01:18:18We belong together.
01:18:21You're wrong.
01:18:22Wrong about what?
01:18:25Does she care?
01:18:26Or we belong together?
01:18:28Look, I already told you.
01:18:29We're from two completely different worlds.
01:18:32No, I held up my end of the deal, and I met your mother, like we discussed.
01:18:35I want a fake divorce from my fake cousin.
01:18:41Eva!
01:18:45Eva!
01:18:47I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:18:49Walking away is the only choice I have.
01:18:58Help!
01:19:00Are you okay, Mommy?
01:19:02Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.
01:19:03No, you're not fine.
01:19:15You're sad.
01:19:18I'm okay, sweetie.
01:19:21I miss Daddy, too.
01:19:26I want Max to be my real Daddy.
01:19:31Don't you want to be with him?
01:19:33I want a bug.
01:19:37You're right.
01:19:38What am I doing?
01:19:39Running like a coward?
01:19:42I've always taught you to be brave.
01:19:45Now it's time for Mommy to be brave, too.
01:19:49I believe in you.
01:19:50What are you going to do, Mommy?
01:19:53I know exactly what you're saying.
01:19:54Maximus deserves to know, Piper is his daughter.
01:19:59Piper is his daughter.
01:20:08Enough sulking.
01:20:10Go get your wife and my grandbaby back.
01:20:13Don't you think I want to?
01:20:15Don't you think I want to?
01:20:16She doesn't want me.
01:20:17I didn't raise you to give up.
01:20:19Your daughter is still out there.
01:20:21You can't abandon her.
01:20:23Mom, you don't get it.
01:20:24I made a deal with Eva to play my wife.
01:20:28And Piper, she was an added bonus.
01:20:31What are you talking about?
01:20:34I already ran a DNA test.
01:20:37Piper is your daughter.
01:20:39What?
01:20:40See for yourself.
01:20:47That's right.
01:20:49Seven years ago.
01:20:51In the years, that woman was in her.
01:20:53Eva?
01:21:04Daddy!
01:21:07Daddy!
01:21:08Piper!
01:21:10Oh, I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:21:19You came back.
01:21:23I, uh...
01:21:25Don't forget to be brave, Mommy.
01:21:34I, uh...
01:21:36I was scared.
01:21:38But I don't want to be scared anymore.
01:21:40Because what we have is real, and it's worth fighting for.
01:21:45Sweetheart, I have something to tell you.
01:21:48I have something to tell you, too.
01:21:50High-pressure daughter.
01:21:55You knew.
01:21:56My sweet granddaughter.
01:21:58Grandma!
01:22:02I just found out for sure a few minutes ago.
01:22:05You've known this whole time?
01:22:07I was scared.
01:22:08Okay, I didn't know if you were going to take her from me.
01:22:11I didn't know how you were feeling.
01:22:14How could you not know how I felt?
01:22:15I love you, Eva.
01:22:31I love you, too.
01:22:33I promise.
01:22:34For the rest of my life, I'm going to make it up to you.
01:22:37As long as we're together, it doesn't matter where we are.
01:22:52Will you marry me, Eva?
01:22:55For real this time.
01:22:56Yeah, I guess.
01:22:58Yes, of course I'll marry you.
01:23:00Oh, my God.
01:23:13Looks like you're stuck with me the next Christmas, and the Christmas after that, and forever.
01:23:20I won't have it any other way.
01:23:27Who's that?
01:23:28Hey Mom!
01:23:30Take me back!
01:23:32I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
01:23:36I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
01:23:38Oh!
01:23:40Looks like I have to take out the trash.
01:23:42Again.
01:23:44No? Not money?
01:23:48I'm sorry!
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