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00:00:00Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:00:30Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:00Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:02Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:04Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:06Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:08Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:10Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:12Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:14Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:16Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:18Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:20Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:22Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:24Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:26Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:28Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:30Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:01:32I am quite compassionate.
00:01:34I knew right then, it was time.
00:01:36Time for me to take her virginity.
00:01:38I thought I would be scared, but thankfully, prior to me, Barry had made love to more than 80 women.
00:01:4483, which is a lot.
00:01:46I felt like I was made of light, a sexual firefly or something hot.
00:01:51Robbing, fetishistic climaxes again and again and again.
00:01:56And the next morning after we won $38 million, playing nickel slots.
00:02:01I started traveling the world and haven't stopped since.
00:02:06But Charlie, that's us, yo. What about you?
00:02:08I haven't seen you since, I don't know, high school?
00:02:11What's going on? Tell us about your lucky lady. You've got one of those, right?
00:02:14Yeah, what's going on with you?
00:02:15Ever notice that when you're not in a relationship, everyone else is in a ridiculously happy one?
00:02:29Seriously? Unbelievable.
00:02:32I mean, this guy? These two?
00:02:35It's not like this shit ever works out for me.
00:02:40Charlie, I've called you ten times a day for the past two weeks.
00:02:44She doesn't like you, dude.
00:02:46Now help me find this boom line before your mom makes us do geometry.
00:02:50I mean, was it my fault?
00:02:51Who puts a heart around no if she doesn't mean yes?
00:02:54Come on.
00:02:55And college was even worse.
00:02:57All I'm saying is next time, don't leave me there by myself while you go talk to frat guys all night, okay?
00:03:02Charlie, you're the one who told me to go flirt for free beer, remember?
00:03:05Yeah, well, you didn't have to like it so much.
00:03:07Charlie!
00:03:08So that's how to avoid failing the final exam.
00:03:18Christ.
00:03:19You name the relationship, I'll tell you where it went wrong.
00:03:27That dog was such a buzzkill.
00:03:29Let's just say we're both happy it ended, like how all my relationships ended.
00:03:33Happy.
00:03:33Well, until Angela.
00:03:37You have got to be kidding me.
00:03:39Angela, I'm sorry that I woke you up.
00:03:41You used to like middle-of-the-night sex.
00:03:44I mean, you are white hot.
00:03:47Basically, naked in my bed.
00:03:48You practically groped me.
00:03:49With my knee, while sleeping.
00:03:54Shit, do you see it anywhere?
00:03:55Hey, it's going to be all right, okay?
00:04:02I told you to shut that window.
00:04:05Blood-sucking mosquito's never going to let me sleep.
00:04:07Honey.
00:04:08I'm already really nervous for my meeting.
00:04:10Hey, honey, honey, honey.
00:04:13Listen, you know tomorrow's going to go great.
00:04:16And I promise you, even if I have to stay up all night to do it, you can sleep the entire time.
00:04:22That mosquito's teeny tiny little life will end.
00:04:28And ever since Angela and I broke up, I just can't stop thinking.
00:04:31Don't just kill it.
00:04:32Torture it.
00:04:33Pump it for information.
00:04:34Find out where those insect sleeper cells live.
00:04:38I'm going to waterboard the shit out of that mosquito.
00:04:40Good.
00:04:42And I don't care what the mainstream liberal media has to say about it.
00:04:46Oh, fucker deserves it.
00:04:54I love you.
00:05:05You promise that mosquito dies after?
00:05:10A lot of mosquitoes are so last year.
00:05:12Just in case.
00:05:20Oh, oh, cow.
00:05:31And even though Angela and I are finished, why just doesn't make sense.
00:05:36I mean, wouldn't it have been simpler for us if we just did the things in our relationship
00:05:39that our grandparents did in theirs?
00:05:42They never split up.
00:05:43Hell, even our parents' generation did enough to at least fake out the kids' pre-divorce.
00:05:48And while I know pretending's no surefire cure-all, it sure as shit beats reality.
00:05:52I don't know.
00:06:09I wish just once I had a clue what to do.
00:06:12And, I mean, I just can't get out of my head.
00:06:14That's the thing.
00:06:14My brain just keeps playing and replaying and replaying.
00:06:18Why did the relationship end?
00:06:20How can I get over her?
00:06:21And I...
00:06:22I don't know.
00:06:23So, no change then?
00:06:26I really, really tried to make it work, Charlie.
00:06:31But you just didn't live here.
00:06:33You were in another world.
00:06:35What about the daydreams and sex fantasies?
00:06:37Are you still having noves?
00:06:41No.
00:06:43Look, I know you believe that other couples are truly happy, but the truth is they aren't.
00:06:49Nobody's happy unless they're single and don't have to make compromises, relationship compromises,
00:06:56that frankly suck for everyone.
00:06:58Hell, even single people only think they're happy, but they really aren't.
00:07:03They hate their parents.
00:07:05They hate their jobs and their goddamn fantasy football teams.
00:07:08Whatever they can come up with to keep themselves miserable.
00:07:13Miserable, Charlie, is what people are meant to be.
00:07:16Do you mind if I smoke?
00:07:20All right, fella.
00:07:21I wish you could hear half of the incessant whining that goes on in this room.
00:07:27You people are relentless.
00:07:28Although, my Catskills cabin does say, thank you.
00:07:35Well, then sign me up for six more years of these sessions right now, can we?
00:07:40Charlie, you pose a very good question.
00:07:45Very good about our sessions.
00:07:49Charlie, we need to talk.
00:07:53I've wanted to bring this up for a long time, but with your birthday and the summer holidays
00:07:59and that layoff situation you've been dealing with, I didn't think it was the right time.
00:08:04But, you know, when is it really the right time?
00:08:10Charlie, what I'm saying is, I think it would be good for us to take a little time off.
00:08:18It's August, right?
00:08:19You're probably headed to wherever that massive therapist rave is, wherever you guys go this time of year.
00:08:24I'm seeing new dates.
00:08:25That's fine.
00:08:26No, that's not it.
00:08:28Charlie, look.
00:08:29I need to stop seeing you.
00:08:33Because it's time for me to start seeing other people.
00:08:36Oh, is it something I said?
00:08:39No, it's not you, Charlie.
00:08:42It's me.
00:08:43You know, you saying that really does bring up a lot of feelings for me.
00:08:53Shit, I've really got to take this.
00:08:55Mm-hmm.
00:08:56Yeah, I'm going to need some more of this stuff.
00:08:59I don't know where the hell you got this shit, but it's spectacular.
00:09:02I don't know where the hell you got this shit, but it's a killer.
00:09:32I don't know where the hell you got this shit, but it's a killer.
00:10:02Again and again and again and again.
00:10:07There's no question Franco made a great play.
00:10:10I mean, just catching the ball at your feet is tough enough, let alone one, sailing end over end.
00:10:15Then to dance down the sideline, even throwing a little bit of a stiff arm.
00:10:18Yeah, it was incredible.
00:10:20But still, it's not the same thing.
00:10:23Now, baseball, on the other hand.
00:10:25Now, that is a game of match-ups.
00:10:28That is a game of intent.
00:10:30You can't get lucky and hit a 98-mile-an-hour fastball.
00:10:33You can't get lucky and throw a sweeping curveball nailing the outside corner of the plate.
00:10:38I mean, what's better than two outs?
00:10:41Bottom of the ninth.
00:10:42Three-two count.
00:10:43A runner on second and down by a run.
00:10:45The pitch Dennis Eckersley intends to throw and the swing Kirk Gibson intends to put on the ball.
00:10:51One pitch, one swing, a World Series winner and a World Series loser.
00:10:55I mean, it's insane!
00:10:56But listen to me, rambling on, while talking.
00:11:03Talking is exactly what we don't need me to be doing, do we?
00:11:09You, my friend, need to be watching further examples of baseball's superiority to every other sport in the world,
00:11:16while I, I need to, well, you'll figure out the rest.
00:11:21Well, that's some kind of athleticism, wouldn't you say, Kenny?
00:11:27An all-star caliber move.
00:11:28No question about it.
00:11:29So smooth.
00:11:30Makes the tough play look easy time and time again.
00:11:34What is that noise?
00:11:45Thank you, gentlemen.
00:11:46Here's a line to have you for this 45-minute non-stop flight to New York's LaGuardia Airport.
00:11:51Please ensure that your seat backs are in upright position, your tabletops are stowed,
00:11:55and that you have avoided our $1,000 check bag fee by placing absolutely everything you own in the overhead bins above.
00:12:01If you are seated in the middle seat, this does entitle you the use of both armrests,
00:12:06regardless of whether the stupid fucker sitting next to you has any idea of airplane etiquette whatsoever.
00:12:11After takeoff, you will be permitted to use the iPhone,
00:12:14but prior to that time, even the single use of an iPhone will cause the plane to crash,
00:12:18resulting in your eternal damnation straight to hell.
00:12:21Welcome aboard.
00:12:27Oh, shit.
00:12:29Whoopsies.
00:12:31Wow, may I be of some assistance to you.
00:12:34Yeah, that'd be great.
00:12:35I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
00:12:36I am going to give this to you, little prezzy,
00:12:39and I will take this,
00:12:41and you can pick it up at gate check on your way out when we land in New York.
00:12:45No, no, it's a really small bag.
00:12:47There has to be some room on port for it.
00:12:50Hmm.
00:12:51Poor, poor dear.
00:12:53I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you.
00:12:55Come see me as you're exiting the aircraft,
00:12:57and I will credit you with quadruple miles for today's flight
00:13:00that you will never be able to redeem.
00:13:02Hmm?
00:13:03Buckle up.
00:13:07This is me.
00:13:11You just got totally hosed.
00:13:13I know, right?
00:13:14Uh-huh, yeah.
00:13:15Half the bags on this flight are bigger than that.
00:13:17Seriously?
00:13:17I thought it was bad enough getting the full Monty going through the x-ray search.
00:13:21Oh, that's nothing.
00:13:21You see that old lady over there?
00:13:23She practically begged for the film treatment.
00:13:24She's such a terrorist.
00:13:27Look at her.
00:13:28Don't let that fool you.
00:13:29Such a terrorist.
00:13:29Online dating, huh?
00:13:35Oh, you saw that, did you?
00:13:36Hey, I'm not judging.
00:13:37Actually, you know what?
00:13:38You want to give me a hand?
00:13:39Mm-hmm.
00:13:40Yes, I do.
00:13:41Okay.
00:13:42Date or no date?
00:13:43Well, how about...
00:13:44Oh, Sally.
00:13:45She's 28.
00:13:46She enjoys the emasculation of men,
00:13:48throwing up after meals,
00:13:49and long walks on the beach.
00:13:51Date.
00:13:51Yeah?
00:13:52Definitely.
00:13:52Yeah, she had made emasculation.
00:13:54Oh, you're a natural at this.
00:13:55Okay, Gretchen.
00:13:55She's 30.
00:13:56Oh, gosh.
00:13:57She enjoys lying about her age,
00:13:58being sensitive, smart, and funny,
00:14:00and only posting one picture
00:14:02that was taken 12 to 15 years ago.
00:14:03Yeah.
00:14:04Without question,
00:14:05she will look that good in person.
00:14:06Mm-hmm.
00:14:07Without question.
00:14:07Take her out tonight.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Yeah, don't even wait a minute.
00:14:10Actually, I already have plans tonight,
00:14:11and she's out on work release,
00:14:13so it'll be pretty hard to reschedule.
00:14:15It's too bad.
00:14:16She is really a keeper.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Yeah.
00:14:21So, um, you're from the city?
00:14:24Yeah, uh, just coming back
00:14:26from visiting my sister.
00:14:27You?
00:14:28Yep.
00:14:28New York interview.
00:14:30Oh, nice.
00:14:31Yeah, I, uh,
00:14:33I've been thinking about
00:14:34making a switch to the non-profit sector
00:14:36for a while.
00:14:37You know, actually do some good at work.
00:14:39Wish I was doing that.
00:14:40I figure you look for a new job now,
00:14:41or wait till I'm 60
00:14:42and announce my retirement
00:14:43in conference room D,
00:14:44having never surpassed
00:14:46my greatest achievement,
00:14:47which was writing the jingle
00:14:47for the stroller
00:14:48with the built-in ashtray.
00:14:49Don't let motherhood
00:14:51slow you down.
00:14:52Babies take and take,
00:14:53but it's your turn now.
00:14:54So keep on rolling
00:14:55in the smoking stroller.
00:14:57That jingle is pretty catchy.
00:14:59Oh, yeah, it's catchy,
00:15:00like the clap.
00:15:03Wait.
00:15:05Oh, excuse me.
00:15:06Could we get two more
00:15:07aviations and soda, please?
00:15:09Mm.
00:15:10Can I just tell you
00:15:11how happy I am for once
00:15:13to be sitting next
00:15:14to the hot chick?
00:15:15I never sit next
00:15:17to the hot chick
00:15:17on the flight.
00:15:18I mean, the elderly,
00:15:19constantly.
00:15:19The extraordinarily sweaty,
00:15:21really hot guys all the time.
00:15:23But you?
00:15:24Mm.
00:15:24I win.
00:15:25I won.
00:15:26I won.
00:15:27So forgive me,
00:15:28but I need to take this
00:15:29once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
00:15:30and try to
00:15:31convert this into, say,
00:15:34a date.
00:15:37Maybe.
00:15:39Outside of the
00:15:40pressurized chamber
00:15:41where we sit in.
00:15:44I'm Angela,
00:15:45by the way.
00:15:47Charlie.
00:15:48Mm.
00:15:49Really pleased to meet you,
00:15:50Charlie.
00:15:51You too.
00:15:53I don't have the clap.
00:16:01Now, I'm gonna turn over
00:16:02the next car, Tim,
00:16:03and I want you to concentrate
00:16:04and tell me what it is, okay?
00:16:06And remember,
00:16:06there are no wrong answers here,
00:16:08so you just tell me
00:16:08what you think it is
00:16:09as soon as I flip it over, okay?
00:16:11That's a dead puppy doggy.
00:16:12Okay, well, you don't have,
00:16:13you know,
00:16:14you don't have to answer
00:16:14right away, okay?
00:16:16You can take a little time
00:16:16to think and be sure
00:16:17about what you see.
00:16:18Do you understand?
00:16:19Uh-huh.
00:16:21All right now, Tammy,
00:16:22you just give it a little think.
00:16:23That's a dead puppy doggy.
00:16:24It could cut open by a knife.
00:16:27Okay.
00:16:29Well, like we said,
00:16:29there are no wrong answers here,
00:16:31so let's just try another one.
00:16:34That's Mommy and Daddy.
00:16:35Okay, good.
00:16:37Mommy and Daddy,
00:16:38that's great, Tammy.
00:16:40Mommy's cooking for Daddy.
00:16:42All right.
00:16:43See, that's a really nice thing
00:16:44for Mommy.
00:16:44Mommy's putting smashed up glass
00:16:46in Daddy's suit
00:16:48to make him cry.
00:16:51For Mommy to do.
00:16:54Dr. Donovan,
00:16:55Charles Carroll's on line, too.
00:16:56Dude, I am having the best day,
00:16:59and I just have to cheer.
00:16:59Great, man, what's going on?
00:17:00I am the proud owner
00:17:01of a brand new date
00:17:02next Tuesday night.
00:17:03But a woman?
00:17:03How'd you pull that
00:17:04at 11.30 in the morning?
00:17:05You've been drinking?
00:17:05It is never too early
00:17:07for the nectar of love,
00:17:08my friend.
00:17:08And don't get all weird on me,
00:17:11but this Angela chick,
00:17:12she could be the one.
00:17:13Oh, man,
00:17:14you don't know this chick.
00:17:15Oh, come on, man.
00:17:16I'm happy.
00:17:17Leave me alone.
00:17:18No, I'm just saying,
00:17:19you know how you get it.
00:17:19Oh, gee, thanks, Oprah.
00:17:21Hey, can I come on your show
00:17:21because I'm having this problem
00:17:23with my best friend?
00:17:23First of all, my man,
00:17:24you ever watch Oprah?
00:17:25Because maybe you should.
00:17:26Oprah knows her shit, my man.
00:17:27Second, what do you even know
00:17:28about this chick
00:17:28that makes you think
00:17:29she could be the one?
00:17:30I know enough.
00:17:31Really?
00:17:31Tell me,
00:17:31is she a Yankee fan or a mess?
00:17:32She like Belgian beer like yours?
00:17:33She have to keep things gluten-free.
00:17:35Does she actually laugh
00:17:35at Groundhog Day
00:17:36or she just wonder
00:17:37why the fuck Bill Murray
00:17:37keeps trying to kill himself?
00:17:38You don't make any sense.
00:17:40The most important things to know,
00:17:41they are not but relevant
00:17:43the one assessment material,
00:17:45you might say.
00:17:46I'm just saying,
00:17:47take in a little bit more data
00:17:49before you fucking propose.
00:17:50All right, all right.
00:17:51She could turn out
00:17:52to be a serial killer.
00:17:52Trust me when I say this,
00:17:53they come from places
00:17:54you would never suspect.
00:17:57I have no idea what that means.
00:17:59Well, look, man, it's cool.
00:18:00It's cool about the date
00:18:01and it's cool about
00:18:02teeing her up on a C night.
00:18:03See, my man.
00:18:03C night?
00:18:04What are you talking about C night?
00:18:05We're going out Tuesday.
00:18:05Exactly, Tuesday night.
00:18:07Nothing too serious.
00:18:07Just want to have a little fun,
00:18:08not wasting an A or B night.
00:18:10Strong work.
00:18:11You know, she did suggest Tuesday.
00:18:13I kind of just went along with it.
00:18:15You still there?
00:18:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:16Look, I got to get back
00:18:17to a little Jeffrey Dahmer here,
00:18:18but just try to keep things
00:18:21in perspective, okay?
00:18:22Okay, okay, fine.
00:18:23Be gone with you.
00:18:24Oh, and by the way,
00:18:27she's the one.
00:18:30Ah, well, she's not the one.
00:18:33She's definitely not the one.
00:18:35Angela's ancient history.
00:18:36Do we got to keep talking about it?
00:18:38The incessant one
00:18:39is driving me fucking crazy.
00:18:41Angela, aside for a minute,
00:18:43what kind of therapist
00:18:43drops someone as fucked up as you?
00:18:45Oh, well, it's not all that bad.
00:18:47He said we could still be friends, so...
00:18:48Well, I'll tell you what.
00:18:50Take the cash you were given,
00:18:50doctor, don't call me,
00:18:51I'll call you
00:18:52and put it for its full body
00:18:53of the size just twice a week.
00:18:54Then you see how many problems
00:18:55you still have.
00:18:56Yeah, I don't really see
00:18:58how this could help me
00:18:59find Mrs. Wright,
00:19:00but, uh, sure.
00:19:02Woo!
00:19:03Dude, come on.
00:19:04You can't do that.
00:19:05What?
00:19:06Because I'm not cute and cuddly,
00:19:08me taking a leak somehow
00:19:09to file the dog-piss-glazed pavement
00:19:10we've been running on
00:19:11since 72nd Street?
00:19:12Yeah.
00:19:13Come on, man.
00:19:13The prostate's the size
00:19:14of a fucking honey, dude.
00:19:16You see?
00:19:17Ah, for crying out loud, lady,
00:19:19you're carrying a bag of shit.
00:19:21Huh?
00:19:22Huh?
00:19:22You didn't quit, you're crying.
00:19:26It's not like you couldn't
00:19:27see this coming.
00:19:28What?
00:19:29What?
00:19:30Hey.
00:19:33Oh, don't come here.
00:19:34Okay.
00:19:35Huh?
00:19:36Hmm?
00:19:36All right.
00:19:37Yeah.
00:19:44Pearl Harbor?
00:19:49Is that why we are fighting?
00:19:50Or is it because of?
00:19:54Ritter.
00:20:00Pearl.
00:20:01Pearl.
00:20:03Hey, y'all.
00:20:05Oh, my God.
00:20:08Hey there, fly girl.
00:20:09I got your text.
00:20:10Charlie!
00:20:12Oh, my God.
00:20:13You have to do a shot.
00:20:14These Irish car bombs,
00:20:15they're so good.
00:20:17Actually, you know what?
00:20:18I'm good.
00:20:18Dad!
00:20:19Jump around.
00:20:20Yeah, maybe just one more, though,
00:20:22because Ann and I,
00:20:22we're going to go.
00:20:23You know what I mean?
00:20:25Tell me, can you see me?
00:20:27Oh, my God.
00:20:28Whoa!
00:20:30Daisy, Angela, that's a ride.
00:20:33It's okay.
00:20:33Come on.
00:20:34Tell me.
00:20:35Are you all right?
00:20:37Hey, maybe we should get her to bed, huh?
00:20:39I can't.
00:20:41Oh, shit!
00:20:42You guys are a bunch of fucking amateurs.
00:20:47Woo!
00:20:49That was fun!
00:20:51Okay, here we go.
00:20:52Let me just...
00:20:53I am the one.
00:20:55Okay, you want to split?
00:20:56And then whoever he is,
00:20:58seems to be able to handle it.
00:20:59I bet.
00:21:00To the extent that I,
00:21:01if you were worried,
00:21:02I'll be leaving momentarily.
00:21:03No, Charlie.
00:21:04See?
00:21:05She's fine.
00:21:07So let's go dress up like robots
00:21:10and sniff each other's panties.
00:21:13Warning.
00:21:16Warning.
00:21:17Remember that?
00:21:18You're not going to let her sleep
00:21:33in all those clothes, are you?
00:21:39Okay, we can go now.
00:21:41Yeah?
00:21:42I think he's gay.
00:21:43Hey.
00:21:44Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
00:21:48Okay, your phone is right by your bed here.
00:21:56I pre-dialed 911,
00:21:57so if you get into any trouble during the night,
00:21:59all you have to do is push the green button.
00:22:01Oh.
00:22:02Okay?
00:22:03So as long as you can make it through the night
00:22:05without the use of paramedic care,
00:22:07which if practice makes perfect,
00:22:10I don't think you'll have a problem with.
00:22:12You got a glass of water
00:22:13and some stuff for your head
00:22:14right next to your phone.
00:22:15Beyond that,
00:22:16I gotta go.
00:22:18Oh, shit.
00:22:19I'm sorry.
00:22:21I just, I really like you.
00:22:23I do.
00:22:24You're a good guy.
00:22:25Okay.
00:22:25Oh, God.
00:22:29I'm a mess right now.
00:22:30Look at me.
00:22:31You'd probably hate me.
00:22:32I don't hate you.
00:22:33I would hate me.
00:22:34Oh, fuck.
00:22:34Please, just promise me
00:22:36that you'll go out with me again.
00:22:38Please, no drinking.
00:22:40We'll go see a movie.
00:22:40It'll be so fun.
00:22:42What about Friday?
00:22:43Will you be free?
00:22:43Oh, I was thinking Monday.
00:22:47Just kidding.
00:22:49Whenever you want.
00:22:52Whenever.
00:22:53It'll be so fun.
00:22:56Huh?
00:22:58Yay.
00:23:00There's something else.
00:23:01You know that?
00:23:01I know.
00:23:04So, why not go out with me?
00:23:07What's the worst that can happen?
00:23:14You know, when Bryce asked me to be his best man,
00:23:16a lot of memories flashed through my mind.
00:23:18In fact, I can vividly remember
00:23:20the first time I ever saw
00:23:21Rebecca and Bryce together.
00:23:23Huh?
00:23:23It was Red Lobster, Bryce's 29th birthday.
00:23:26Fucking all-you-can-eat popcorn shrimp.
00:23:30I knew at that very moment
00:23:31I could see it in her eyes.
00:23:33Bryce should absolutely,
00:23:34under no circumstances,
00:23:36marry this woman.
00:23:38But, of course, I said nothing,
00:23:39and now, two and a half years later,
00:23:41here we are.
00:23:42To the happy uncouple.
00:23:46Amen.
00:23:48Thank you, Vic.
00:23:54And thanks to all of you
00:23:55for being here
00:23:56to help celebrate this truly special day.
00:23:58It really does mean the world.
00:23:59You guys know Bryce is an asshole, right?
00:24:01Maybe you may have noticed
00:24:01that my wife, Rebecca,
00:24:02won't be joining us tonight.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But at least he's our asshole.
00:24:07That's because I have divorced
00:24:08that cheating bitch
00:24:09effective today!
00:24:12She does send her regards
00:24:14from the throes of hell.
00:24:15What, some of the shit
00:24:16this asshole's being?
00:24:17It's kind of...
00:24:18It's fun to watch.
00:24:19It's officially official,
00:24:19so let me go ahead
00:24:20and set a couple things straight.
00:24:21First...
00:24:22Yes.
00:24:23These are real.
00:24:25And second...
00:24:26Yes?
00:24:28Sexy ladies of New York City!
00:24:31All of you!
00:24:32Not you!
00:24:34It's fucked up,
00:24:35but she's my cousin.
00:24:36She's my cousin.
00:24:37I fucking understand.
00:24:37But sexy ladies of New York City,
00:24:40I am totally fucking available
00:24:43to crush ass
00:24:45and or pussy any time you want!
00:24:52Take these motherfucker divorce papers!
00:24:55Come on, take these divorce papers
00:24:57from my buttermeg dick!
00:24:58Take them from my dick!
00:24:59Yeah!
00:25:00Yeah!
00:25:00Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:03Yeah!
00:25:03Yeah!
00:25:04Yeah!
00:25:04Yeah!
00:25:04Yeah!
00:25:05Yeah!
00:25:05Oh, that hurts good.
00:25:07All right, I'm gonna go.
00:25:08No!
00:25:09Seriously though, I kind of...
00:25:10I don't know what it is,
00:25:11I just kind of don't even know
00:25:12where to start with all of this.
00:25:13That's the thing.
00:25:14Well, I bet you don't, Charlie,
00:25:15all right, and that's natural.
00:25:16I didn't know how good I had at single
00:25:17until I got married.
00:25:18Never do that again.
00:25:19Right.
00:25:20No offense, buddy.
00:25:20No, you can't do some rounds of Jericho.
00:25:21No, listen, I understand that that sounds good,
00:25:22but I think it's too good to be true.
00:25:24Am I right?
00:25:25I have to do some rounds of Jericho.
00:25:26No offense, buddy.
00:25:27You can't do some rounds of Jericho.
00:25:28No, listen, I understand that that sounds good,
00:25:29but I think it's too good to be true.
00:25:31Am I right?
00:25:33I have way more sex single
00:25:34than I ever had married.
00:25:35Really?
00:25:36Yes, and what's better
00:25:37than a fucking one-night stand?
00:25:38There's no commitment.
00:25:39There's no annoying neediness or feelings,
00:25:41and when she spreads her legs
00:25:43free of obligation, of commitment,
00:25:45of the need to give her half of what you want...
00:25:47You can't have fucking half of this.
00:25:48Not without one of these, my friends.
00:25:49That free-market pussy is gold.
00:25:50Gold, huh?
00:25:51A coveted commodity that appreciates in a down economy.
00:25:53You bet it's fucking gold,
00:25:54and you need to hoard as much of that gold as you can
00:25:57while the single man's liquidity proposition
00:25:59still exists, my friend.
00:26:00Jesus Christ.
00:26:01Forget about Angela.
00:26:02Do you realize the next time you're in a relationship,
00:26:04ain't no more upticks in the old portfolio
00:26:06and cheap income?
00:26:07I don't know.
00:26:08I don't know.
00:26:09I don't know.
00:26:10I don't know.
00:26:11I don't know.
00:26:12I don't know.
00:26:13I don't know.
00:26:14I don't know.
00:26:15I don't know.
00:26:16I don't know.
00:26:17I don't know.
00:26:18And cheap, it is not.
00:26:20Trading out of the position, boom, crush ass.
00:26:23I understand that your business school outlook
00:26:26on getting pussy may be...
00:26:28I bet you need, but I don't know.
00:26:31I'm just fucked, man, after Angela.
00:26:34You're not fucked.
00:26:35I'm fucked.
00:26:36I don't even think I could crush anything right now.
00:26:38I don't even know where to start.
00:26:39Charlie, it's like candy from a baby.
00:26:42It goes like this.
00:26:43First, you gotta identify the target.
00:26:48No, not her.
00:26:52No, not even close.
00:26:56Boom, her.
00:26:57The one not over at the bar, and instead attacking that blackberry with the same intense precision
00:27:10that'll come in handy for you in just a few short hours.
00:27:13There'll be some competition for her, but nothing you can't handle.
00:27:17And this chick is annoyed that Vanessa from up on the bar is getting all the attention,
00:27:21right?
00:27:22So you give it to her.
00:27:23she needs.
00:27:24Okay, I'm buying.
00:27:25Now what?
00:27:26Next, make sure she knows that you're a nice guy, okay?
00:27:29And this is important, so pay attention.
00:27:30You're a nice guy who she will never see again.
00:27:34That she'll never see again.
00:27:35I don't get it.
00:27:36Think back to college.
00:27:37Spring break, specifically.
00:27:38Nice girls let their sexual cats out of the bag all spring break long on South Padre
00:27:42Island because they know when they get home, it'll be right back to prim and proper,
00:27:46smart and respectable without anyone around to say otherwise.
00:27:50But this is NYC, not spring break, right?
00:27:53Exactly!
00:27:54Which is why you're flying back to L.A. in the morning.
00:27:56Or you're fucking moving to Nepal on Tuesday, whatever.
00:27:59Whatever words go from your lips to her ears, letting her know that she will never see you again.
00:28:06And then just like spring break, the farther away she thinks you'll be next week,
00:28:09the more likely she is to do something really erotic back in the sack tonight.
00:28:13Okay, okay, listen.
00:28:14It's kind of unfair to know this stuff, but what's next?
00:28:18So then you establish touch.
00:28:19And get her comfortable.
00:28:20Not just with the look of her, but with the feel of her.
00:28:23Stand close to her.
00:28:24Let her start to like it.
00:28:25And remember, part of the beauty of this chick is that she's not out with some fucking
00:28:29cock blocking protector friend who couldn't get herself laid and now needs to pull a guilt
00:28:33trip on your girl.
00:28:34Cause she's normally the protector friend.
00:28:36Boom!
00:28:37Now you're with me.
00:28:38And then fellas close the deal.
00:28:39No hesitation.
00:28:40Don't ask permission.
00:28:41Just go over to the bartender, cash out your bill, tell her it's time to get her out of
00:28:44all these wet things.
00:28:45Wait for those easy BFFs of hers to pull their Irish goodbyes and go in for the kill.
00:28:50And under no circumstances should you ever, never, ever let her think.
00:28:57You might actually be the devil.
00:29:00We're kind of brilliant in a, if in a Machiavellian sort of way, but thank you.
00:29:06Thank you guys for sharing.
00:29:10It's like Oprah says, for every one of us that succeeds, it's because there's somebody
00:29:15there to show you the way out.
00:29:32The path to knowledge is never without a price.
00:29:35the truth has been really her time.
00:29:36Question 3
00:29:37The first Diane of the
00:29:39the
00:29:57Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:30:27Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:30:57Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:27Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:29Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:34Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:36Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:38Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:40Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:42Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:44Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:46Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:48Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:50Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:52Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:54Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:56Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:31:58Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:00Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:01Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:02Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:03Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:04Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:05Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:06Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:07Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:08Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:32:09I totally could have made that kid cry at his exit interview.
00:32:11Alright, next.
00:32:12Oh, speak of the devil.
00:32:14Miss Juliana McCarthy.
00:32:16Come on down.
00:32:18This douchey old guy getting the boot.
00:32:21It is...
00:32:23decidedly so.
00:32:30Hey, guys.
00:32:32In regards to Juliana,
00:32:34I realize from an efficiency perspective
00:32:36the eight ball may be faster.
00:32:38But she's good with clients.
00:32:41And she's got kids.
00:32:42Do you want to do two out of three at some?
00:32:45Look.
00:32:46Charlie.
00:32:47Charlie.
00:32:49If it's not one douchey old guy with kids,
00:32:51it's going to be another one.
00:32:53And if we don't fire her today in this economy,
00:32:57we're going to do it tomorrow or next week.
00:32:59So, I mean, it's not personal.
00:33:03It's just business.
00:33:04Even so, it feels like we're screwing people
00:33:05without considering the facts.
00:33:07Come on, guy.
00:33:08There's a lot of money to be made
00:33:09in screwing people without considering facts.
00:33:11Have you never made a health insurance claim?
00:33:14Look, it's supply and demand.
00:33:16Well, right now,
00:33:17there is an oversupply in the system
00:33:19that needs to get flushed out.
00:33:20But, hey, you know,
00:33:24if you really want to save this sorry sack's job,
00:33:26you can just offer up your own, my man.
00:33:29No reason why the name on top of that severance package
00:33:31can't change just like that.
00:33:33You're serious.
00:33:34Thank you so much for your question.
00:33:36Just a great, great question.
00:33:38And I understand your frustration.
00:33:41You see, my friends,
00:33:42it's this kind of political kowtowing
00:33:44to the special interests
00:33:45that causes good people,
00:33:48like my dear friend Linda Lafferty,
00:33:50a political pawn from Hawking, Ohio,
00:33:53to hate big spending earmarks
00:33:55with all her heart,
00:33:56especially those,
00:33:59I might add,
00:33:59put forth by non-natural born American citizens.
00:34:02Bollocks, absolute bollocks,
00:34:03an accusation is preposterous, governor,
00:34:05and I for one can't stand free.
00:34:07Yeah, no shit.
00:34:09Oh, they're at the bar.
00:34:11Yeah.
00:34:12Don't want a drink.
00:34:12Yeah, tell me about it.
00:34:15The boss.
00:34:17Is your folks in traffic?
00:34:18May I remind you so?
00:34:20We're operating under rules you signed off on.
00:34:22I'm afraid I can't help but point out
00:34:24that I am the only one in this room.
00:34:26Wearing a flag pin.
00:34:27Come on, guys, enough already.
00:34:33Charles.
00:34:34Charles.
00:34:35Your shirt.
00:34:37Chop.
00:34:37Jesus, Angela.
00:34:39It's been kind of a tough day.
00:34:40Yeah?
00:34:41So long a day that you forgot to wear the shirt
00:34:43that we talked about this morning
00:34:44that my mom gave you for your birthday?
00:34:46Oh, shit.
00:34:47Yeah, shit.
00:34:48One, two, three.
00:34:50Gentlemen, please.
00:34:53Another vodka tonic, sir?
00:34:55Uh, he will have a vodka soda
00:34:57and I will have a martini.
00:34:59Try it.
00:35:00My opponent has spent two hours...
00:35:02Angela, is this really necessary?
00:35:05I don't want to fight with you, Charles.
00:35:06I don't want to fight with you either.
00:35:07Bring it down.
00:35:08It just probably hasn't been the best day
00:35:09to have your parents talk at me.
00:35:11Hang in there tonight, okay?
00:35:13Great friend.
00:35:14Great patriot.
00:35:14And if you can do me a favor,
00:35:15please don't get them started on politics.
00:35:18You, sir, are a douchebag.
00:35:21No, I'm sorry.
00:35:22That is not happening.
00:35:23It's such a shame, really.
00:35:25I'm a...
00:35:26You limousine liberals
00:35:28with all your regulations.
00:35:30Dad, you know it's not like that.
00:35:33Oh, please, honey.
00:35:34It is just like that.
00:35:35I mean, first off,
00:35:36I have to hire all these
00:35:37unqualified affirmative action workers
00:35:39and now, all of a sudden,
00:35:41I got a gay patrol up my ass
00:35:43with their rainbows
00:35:44telling me about getting married.
00:35:46What's that going to cost my insurance rates?
00:35:49I'm already paying for maternity leave, aren't I?
00:35:51Well, never mind the immigrants.
00:35:53Do you know, just the other day,
00:35:55Margot Pendergrass told me
00:35:56that her nanny, Consuela,
00:35:57or was it Alejandro, I don't know,
00:35:59one of those Mexican names you cannot spell.
00:36:02Anyway, she actually asked for Mother's Day
00:36:05as a vacation day.
00:36:06Can you imagine Mother's Day?
00:36:08But, sweetheart,
00:36:09this is what I'm talking about.
00:36:10They come to this country
00:36:11and they want it all.
00:36:12They want the American dream.
00:36:14Why here do they want
00:36:15the American dream, in my question?
00:36:16What's he supposed to do on Mother's Day,
00:36:18two toddlers and no nanny?
00:36:19Increiable.
00:36:21Arriba, arriba.
00:36:24That sounds like it, right?
00:36:31Everybody's against us rich folks nowadays.
00:36:33People like you, Charles,
00:36:34people with a petty little equal rights problem.
00:36:37So they she's fired.
00:36:38What the fuck is that nice thing?
00:36:40Why are you trying to do that?
00:36:41We are operating under rules
00:36:42that you sign up on.
00:36:44Gentlemen, please.
00:36:45It's I ask you again, Charles.
00:36:46This is a sexism.
00:36:47Are there vodka tonics?
00:36:49My sources say,
00:36:50what do you think ever?
00:36:51Forever.
00:36:52Yeah.
00:36:52There's a lot of money
00:36:53made in school and stuff.
00:36:54He's all doing here
00:36:55and tickled down me.
00:36:56He's straight.
00:36:58This side of the zone.
00:36:59You need to quit your bitch.
00:37:00It's not like you can't see what's coming.
00:37:02I'm done with a note.
00:37:03Hey, the name's not that sevens package.
00:37:05It's going to be changed
00:37:06just like that.
00:37:23I quit my job today.
00:37:26We do what?
00:37:27Well, not really quit.
00:37:29They offered me a layoff
00:37:30and I took it.
00:37:33Nope.
00:37:37Seriously.
00:37:38Some sort of joke?
00:37:40No.
00:37:40Well, Charles,
00:37:42why on earth
00:37:43would you do such a foolish thing?
00:37:45Oh, see,
00:37:46I don't think it's that foolish.
00:37:47I just thought,
00:37:49isn't it better
00:37:49to stop lying to myself?
00:37:52Mm.
00:37:53Like, this tastes like shit.
00:37:56Um, ooh.
00:37:57Can we please get a bottle of vodka
00:37:59and a bottle of tonic?
00:38:02Just kidding.
00:38:05I mean, this guy.
00:38:06You know,
00:38:07it's kind of like what Oprah says
00:38:08about luck, isn't it?
00:38:09Uh, I gotta say,
00:38:10you're really not making
00:38:12a whole lot of sense.
00:38:13What is it talking about?
00:38:14No, it's perfect.
00:38:15It's when preparation
00:38:16meets opportunity.
00:38:17Right, honey?
00:38:21You know, honey,
00:38:22I always knew
00:38:22there was something wrong
00:38:23with this guy.
00:38:23Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:38:24Wrong with me.
00:38:25Whoa, whoa.
00:38:26There's nothing wrong with me.
00:38:27Oh.
00:38:28Or maybe there is
00:38:29something wrong with me.
00:38:31I have a pretty good idea, Ron.
00:38:33Do you?
00:38:34Charles, stop.
00:38:36Sweetie,
00:38:36I think your parents
00:38:38are more than happy
00:38:38to sit here and smile
00:38:39while I talk at them.
00:38:40Yeah, I'm right back at you, pal.
00:38:42I'm sorry.
00:38:43Converse with them.
00:38:45We could all converse, right?
00:38:47About how, you know,
00:38:49Margo's nanny
00:38:49wants to spend Mother's Day
00:38:50with her own kids.
00:38:52You remember the nanny, right?
00:38:54She's the immigrant
00:38:54who pays taxes,
00:38:56takes a job that Margo
00:38:57clearly doesn't want,
00:38:57namely, raising Margo's kids.
00:39:00Oh, Jesus Christ,
00:39:01the balls on this guy.
00:39:02No, sir.
00:39:03Pal, let me tell you something.
00:39:05You got a lot of nerve
00:39:05talking like that
00:39:06when you're a guest
00:39:07at my table.
00:39:07I'm sorry.
00:39:08Your table?
00:39:09Oh, I'm sorry.
00:39:11Charles, are you going to pay
00:39:12for a change?
00:39:14Really, Ron?
00:39:15Really, you'd allow me
00:39:16to do that?
00:39:17Because, as of right now,
00:39:18we're currently under
00:39:19the YouPay status quo,
00:39:20which is a truly great
00:39:22arrangement, by the way.
00:39:23YouPay,
00:39:24and I could just sit here
00:39:24and listen to you
00:39:25talk about how gay people
00:39:26shouldn't have the right
00:39:27to get married.
00:39:28It's truly enlightening.
00:39:30Why stop there?
00:39:31I bet we can all
00:39:32get all the queers
00:39:33to sit in the back of the bus,
00:39:34drink of their own water fountain.
00:39:37Or, hell,
00:39:38I bet we could get them
00:39:39to speak in their own
00:39:40governmentally-mandated dialect.
00:39:42Well, okay, Charlie.
00:39:44I show enough
00:39:44hopes I was one
00:39:45big one gets me
00:39:46to be a house homosexual.
00:39:48Because being a field homosexual
00:39:49just ain't no fun.
00:39:50Charles!
00:39:54Mom, Dad,
00:39:55I'm so sorry.
00:39:56I don't know
00:39:57what's gotten into him.
00:39:59My parents brought us
00:40:00to this lovely dinner.
00:40:01This is not the kind
00:40:02of treatment
00:40:03that anyone deserves.
00:40:05You're right.
00:40:07You're absolutely right.
00:40:09No one deserves
00:40:10to be treated this way.
00:40:15Which is why you folks
00:40:16will never have
00:40:16to deal with it again.
00:40:19There you go, Ron.
00:40:24Thank you, Ron.
00:40:34Thank you, sweetheart.
00:40:36For everything.
00:40:36You know,
00:40:38for a while there,
00:40:39we really were something.
00:40:41Das war's.
00:41:11Das war's.
00:41:41Das war's.
00:42:11Das war's.
00:42:13Das war's.
00:42:15Das war's.
00:42:17Das war's.
00:42:19Das war's.
00:42:21Das war's.
00:42:23Das war's.
00:42:25Das war's.
00:42:27Das war's.
00:42:29Das war's.
00:42:31Das war's.
00:42:33Das war's.
00:42:35Das war's.
00:42:37Das war's.
00:42:39Das war's.
00:42:40Das war's.
00:42:41Das war's.
00:42:43Das war's.
00:42:45Das war's.
00:42:47Das war's.
00:42:49Das war's.
00:42:51Das war's.
00:42:53Das war's.
00:42:55Das war's.
00:42:57Das war's.
00:42:58Das war's.
00:43:00Das war's.
00:43:02Das war's.
00:43:04Das war's.
00:43:06Das war's.
00:43:08Das war's.
00:43:10Das war's.
00:43:12Das war's.
00:43:14Das war's.
00:43:16Das war's.
00:43:18Das war's.
00:43:19Das war's.
00:43:20Das war's.
00:43:21Das war's.
00:43:23Das war's.
00:43:23ACOW Well is unlikely is probably only the what second dinner we've had in three years due
00:43:25to the fact you gave birth to little Jonathan in the first place and forgotten all about
00:43:28me and our friendship, yet.
00:43:29I'm the asshole because I can't remember the name of the person who stole my friend and
00:43:34who doesn't even bother to put down the toy that I gave him to come over and say
00:43:37hi to me when I come over to visit.
00:43:39I don't think so.
00:43:41Have you ever consider therapy?
00:43:44Sure.
00:43:46Oh!
00:43:46Okay!
00:43:47Hey!
00:43:48Alright, there!
00:43:49Das war's für heute.
00:43:50Das war's für heute.
00:43:51Oh mein Gott.
00:43:52Ist das es?
00:43:53You know it, Baby Girl.
00:43:54Holy shit, es ist die Banker Habitat.
00:43:56Das ist großartig.
00:43:58Ich könnte sagen,
00:43:59sind Banker's in danger?
00:44:00Es ist wirklich faszinierend.
00:44:02Apparently, es dauert Jahre zu catchen,
00:44:04aber als sie herausfinden,
00:44:05wie sie sie zu finden,
00:44:06jetzt alle ZOOs starten zu feiern.
00:44:08Sie sind ziemlich scary.
00:44:09Ferocious.
00:44:10You wanna know the most incredible part?
00:44:12After Zookeepers tried everything,
00:44:13piles of cash for them to play in,
00:44:15bowls of Coke,
00:44:16everything.
00:44:17Sie waren total immune to Porn.
00:44:19Turns out,
00:44:20all they had to do
00:44:21was start calling the females interns.
00:44:22Little Banker Babies
00:44:23started shooting out of those
00:44:24Habitat boardrooms
00:44:25faster than Lehman Brothers
00:44:26became synonymous with welfare.
00:44:28Man, that's so crazy.
00:44:29Feels kind of cool
00:44:30in this post, huh?
00:44:31It is cool.
00:44:32It's really cool,
00:44:33but it's good we're not any closer.
00:44:34Word is,
00:44:35they like to throw their own shit.
00:44:36Poop.
00:44:37Throw their own poop.
00:44:44Ladies and gentlemen,
00:44:46as I have said many times before,
00:44:48and as I now will say again,
00:44:50your unemployment forms
00:44:51will not be deemed complete
00:44:53by answering the questions
00:44:55with please see resume attached.
00:44:57Do not ignore this warning
00:44:59if you want anyone in this room
00:45:02to ever leave it.
00:45:04Yo, man, come on.
00:45:06Come on.
00:45:13Need one of these?
00:45:14More than I ever thought possible.
00:45:16Well, then you're in luck.
00:45:17Thank you.
00:45:27Thank you.
00:45:28Tough crowd.
00:45:29Seriously.
00:45:30You'd think you'd at least
00:45:31get a little sympathy
00:45:32for being unemployed.
00:45:33I guess there really is no such thing
00:45:34as a free lunch, huh?
00:45:35You're not kidding.
00:45:36You should see how much
00:45:37I charge for this pen.
00:45:38How much?
00:45:39It's like 50 bucks a day.
00:45:40Wow.
00:45:41Yeah.
00:45:42Steep.
00:45:43A little steep for people unemployed.
00:45:44I think so.
00:45:46Attention, attention.
00:45:49Having watched the Required Jobs Yes slide show
00:45:53and having filled in your benefit forms,
00:45:55you're nearly finished with today's mandatory session.
00:45:59The first three hours were so much fun.
00:46:00They were, weren't they?
00:46:01Yeah.
00:46:02We have randomly selected from the collected forms
00:46:06the names of 10 people
00:46:08who are to participate
00:46:10with one of our employment specialists
00:46:13in an additional 45-minute session.
00:46:20Who knows?
00:46:21Maybe you'll even find that job today.
00:46:24Any questions?
00:46:25Yeah.
00:46:26What bribe gets you to not call my name?
00:46:28Okay.
00:46:29If you are not one of the 10 names called,
00:46:32you will be free to go.
00:46:34The Almighty tells me
00:46:35he can get me out of this mess,
00:46:36but he's pretty sure you are fucked.
00:46:39Mr. Edward Hart!
00:46:42Fuck!
00:46:49I want you to know whatever happens,
00:46:51we'll always have Paris.
00:46:53Miss Barbara Robbins.
00:46:55Casablanca.
00:46:56Nice.
00:47:03Mr. Charles Carroll.
00:47:05Hey.
00:47:06How you doing?
00:47:07Mmm.
00:47:08To work like.
00:47:11You look like a friend of mine.
00:47:12Oh, thanks.
00:47:13It's new.
00:47:14You look really nice tonight.
00:47:15You look really nice too.
00:47:16You look really nice tonight.
00:47:17You look really nice too.
00:47:18I know.
00:47:19Can I buy you a drink?
00:47:20Ha!
00:47:21Hey.
00:47:22Oh, hey.
00:47:23Oh, hey.
00:47:24Hey.
00:47:25Oh, hey.
00:47:26Hey.
00:47:27Hey.
00:47:28How you doing?
00:47:29How you doing?
00:47:30How you doing?
00:47:31It's my first time here too.
00:47:32Hey there.
00:47:33How you doing?
00:47:34I'm pretty good.
00:47:35How are you?
00:47:36Hey.
00:47:37I love this place.
00:47:38I'm sorry.
00:47:39What's your name again?
00:47:40That's funny.
00:47:41I never touch with stuff.
00:47:42Yeah, I don't eat meat.
00:47:43I don't eat meat.
00:47:44Definitely don't eat meat.
00:47:45I don't drink.
00:47:46I'm a street performer.
00:47:47A lawyer.
00:47:48In the safety world.
00:47:49Kafka.
00:47:50Condiments.
00:47:51Hats.
00:47:53Not all drugs.
00:47:54Just some drug.
00:47:55I mean, I don't drink.
00:47:57I don't drink.
00:47:59I'm a street performer.
00:48:00A lawyer.
00:48:01In the safety world.
00:48:02Kafka.
00:48:03A condiments.
00:48:04Hats.
00:48:05Not all drugs.
00:48:06Just some drugs.
00:48:07I mean, I just got some drugs.
00:48:09I mean, I get it.
00:48:10That and cocaine.
00:48:11You must be India.
00:48:13Penis and all that.
00:48:15I don't really want to talk to people.
00:48:16Did I say that out loud?
00:48:17I voted for Bush.
00:48:19Twice.
00:48:23What do you mean?
00:48:24You don't have a job.
00:48:26God, you sound just like my boyfriend.
00:48:31Leonie, party of four.
00:48:33I'm convinced every sane woman in the city is taping.
00:48:36So fucking dramatic.
00:48:37I'm telling you, these women are psycho.
00:48:40Oh my God, they can't all be that bad.
00:48:41I don't know.
00:48:43Maybe I'm the only person in the world who hates small talk.
00:48:45Dude, everyone hates small talk, so what?
00:48:48Really?
00:48:48Well, then why do I feel like my head is going to explode in a hurricane of generic questions?
00:48:52Where are you from?
00:48:53Where do you work?
00:48:53Where did you go to school?
00:48:54You know, the, um, the am I better than you questions.
00:48:57Oh, yeah, well, asking those is how you know you're a New Yorker.
00:48:59How much do you pay for your apartment?
00:49:01How many square feet?
00:49:01What was your broker's fee?
00:49:02I think this place is owned by the same guy that owns Balthazar.
00:49:06Do you ever take a date there?
00:49:06It's not that bad.
00:49:08I'm sorry, what?
00:49:09I think it is that bad.
00:49:11Oh, shit.
00:49:12Oh, yeah.
00:49:13Incomplete parties will not be seen.
00:49:16Okay, okay, Charlie, you know what?
00:49:18I'm your friend.
00:49:19I love you.
00:49:20We all love you.
00:49:20But do you know what your problem is?
00:49:23You.
00:49:24Excuse me?
00:49:24Excuse you.
00:49:25Look, you're certainly not the first guy to think he's some big deal for getting a lot of dates in this town.
00:49:30That doesn't mean that you have any idea what you're doing when you're out with these women.
00:49:34Thank you.
00:49:35Look, any guy with an American Express card in a pulse can get a date.
00:49:38There's like half a million more single women than men.
00:49:41It's just that when you're out on these dates, it takes two to tango.
00:49:45That's all I'm saying.
00:49:46I am starving.
00:49:48Should I check with the hostess?
00:49:49This is great.
00:49:49Just face it, okay?
00:49:50We're never getting it.
00:49:51And here's a new thought for you.
00:49:53I am not the problem.
00:49:55You know, I don't even know why I try.
00:49:57Way to be introspective.
00:49:58Way to be open-minded.
00:49:59I don't even know why I'd expect anything else.
00:50:01Yeah, you're completely wrong.
00:50:02I cannot even believe you think that.
00:50:04You know what?
00:50:06Whatever.
00:50:07I'm going to go talk to the hostess.
00:50:09Okay.
00:50:10Okay.
00:50:13Beyond that, though, you've got an even bigger bugaboo since you're also not having sex.
00:50:17Yeah.
00:50:17Hey, look, you're the one who said he hates small talk.
00:50:19He's got a point, my man.
00:50:19If you're not having sex and you don't have the proper confidence, without that, you're
00:50:22sunk.
00:50:23Oh.
00:50:23So I should just have sex, then?
00:50:26Without question.
00:50:27That'll happen easy as pie as soon as you do one simple thing.
00:50:29What's that?
00:50:29Lower your stance.
00:50:30Unbelievable.
00:50:31Don't look at me like that.
00:50:32It's downright insulting to women if you don't try to have sex with them.
00:50:35I mean, she may say no, but at least she gets the pleasure of having to give you the
00:50:38old pies, man.
00:50:38Oh, my God.
00:50:39Look, no one knows why this is.
00:50:40Men are fucking disgusting.
00:50:41How a woman can even be with a man is a miracle to us all.
00:50:43Hetero guys, for sure.
00:50:44I mean, but let's face it, all guys lose their sense of mojo without copulation.
00:50:48Stupid, but true.
00:50:48Bingo.
00:50:49And this is not rocket science.
00:50:50This is man, woman, part, part, plug, and play.
00:50:52You don't think she's very smart?
00:50:54Fine.
00:50:54But she's attractive?
00:50:55Have sex with them.
00:50:56You don't like politics or taste issues, pronunciation of her name or inability to read, speak in complete,
00:51:01fully formed sentences, load a dishwasher, pass fucking gas?
00:51:04But you think she's kind of nice?
00:51:05Have sex with her.
00:51:06Have sex with her.
00:51:07And a few other chicks just like her.
00:51:08Then walk into a date with a woman you actually do like, carrying a brand new mojo.
00:51:13The confident I have sex all the time, motherfuckers.
00:51:15So get up on this dick mojo.
00:51:17Then have sex with that chick.
00:51:18Hell, maybe even marry her.
00:51:20I don't know.
00:51:20But what I do know, we will all be a lot happier waiting this line next week, talking about
00:51:25something other than your fucking lacking sex life.
00:51:28Look, I know this is hard to hear.
00:51:30I get it.
00:51:30I get it.
00:51:31But that's what I'm telling you.
00:51:32We love you.
00:51:34All right?
00:51:34We love you, Charlie.
00:51:35So just listen up.
00:51:36Hey, so we're not having brunch, but listen to the advice from this guy.
00:51:43You give the best advice ever.
00:51:46Look, Charlie, just be nice to these women, okay?
00:51:50Embrace them for who they are.
00:51:51Right.
00:51:52Straight out of Sing Sing.
00:51:53Oh!
00:52:06Oh, hey.
00:52:07Found it.
00:52:09And what's vodka without limes, right?
00:52:12Yeah.
00:52:12Yeah.
00:52:21Cheers.
00:52:21Fuck a tonic's in our light.
00:52:24Oh, I only had soda.
00:52:26I hope that's okay.
00:52:28It's fine.
00:52:29It's fine.
00:52:30It's just fine.
00:52:33Soda's just fine.
00:52:37Your apartment's nice.
00:52:39Thanks.
00:52:39Yeah.
00:52:41Yeah.
00:52:41Sure.
00:52:43Um, I'll bet you get really nice light in here.
00:52:45Hmm.
00:52:46And that you had a low broker's fee.
00:52:49Um, Charlie, are you okay?
00:52:55Fine.
00:52:56Fine.
00:52:57You are just fine.
00:52:59You are just motherfucking fine.
00:53:01Don't be conflicted.
00:53:03Don't be weird.
00:53:05You go in there.
00:53:06You drink your vodka goddamn soda.
00:53:08You take that woman's clothes off.
00:53:09And you get your mojo back.
00:53:15Oh, hey.
00:53:17Mary, it's kind of dark.
00:53:18I can't really see you.
00:53:19Don't worry, Tiger.
00:53:21I've got you covered.
00:53:25Ha ha.
00:53:30Oh, hey!
00:53:30Oh, hey!
00:53:36Shake, shake it.
00:53:39Make some noise.
00:53:40Boys get your girls and girls get your boys.
00:53:44I like it.
00:53:44Take a shot, take a lot.
00:53:46We got more.
00:53:47I'm pouring beats like tequila
00:53:49to keep you moving on the floor.
00:53:53You make me feel like I'm yours tonight.
00:53:59Ooh, you make me feel like I'm yours tonight.
00:54:06Ooh, you make me feel like I'm yours tonight.
00:54:12Ooh, you make me feel like I'm the only one.
00:54:37You make me feel like I'm the only one.
00:54:38You make me feel like I'm the only one.
00:54:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:55:09More personal and intercourse in my ass.
00:55:36What makes you so entitled to make that request anyway?
00:55:39Excuse me, but I am not aroused by triggering my gag reflex.
00:55:42No woman is a fucking sex man.
00:55:43No more crap about semen being good for your hair or your skin.
00:55:47It's not good for anything except for when it comes out your dick.
00:55:50It's good for you.
00:55:51Can you believe the son of a bitch ate asparagus last night?
00:55:54Oh, my God.
00:55:55Asparagus.
00:55:56You sick fuck.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58What?
00:55:58Is pineapple juice beneath you?
00:55:59I'm sorry, but I like it.
00:56:00It's delicious and refreshing.
00:56:01Or maybe you just enjoy demeaning women.
00:56:03You can't wax my fucking pussy, and you can't wax your fucking dick.
00:56:06No, you can't.
00:56:07You can't wax your dick.
00:56:08Fucking blowjobs and television sports.
00:56:10Yeah, you motherfucker.
00:56:11TV is fucking TV.
00:56:11That's all you care about.
00:56:13Nobody cares about your fucking fantasy team.
00:56:15Turn it off and take out the trash.
00:56:16Get it again.
00:56:17Take the trash out.
00:56:18Fucking TV.
00:56:19Turn it off and take it off.
00:56:20Turn it off.
00:56:21Turn it off.
00:56:22Turn it off.
00:56:23Turn it off.
00:56:24Turn it off.
00:56:24Turn it off.
00:56:25Turn it off.
00:56:25Turn it off.
00:56:25Oh, Christ.
00:56:27Turn it off.
00:56:57Turn it off.
00:57:27Turn it off.
00:57:28Turn it off.
00:57:29Turn it off.
00:57:30Turn it off.
00:57:31Turn it off.
00:57:32Turn it off.
00:57:33Turn it off.
00:57:34Turn it off.
00:57:35Turn it off.
00:57:36Turn it off.
00:57:37Turn it off.
00:57:38Turn it off.
00:57:43Do you know how many do not answers I have this week alone?
00:57:46No, I don't.
00:57:47I don't.
00:57:48Corinne Mackinnon?
00:57:49Do not answer.
00:57:50Julia Cunningham?
00:57:51Do not answer.
00:57:52Blind date girl?
00:57:53Hot coffee chick?
00:57:54Internet dates 13 through 37.
00:57:56You want to know what comes up on my phone when they call?
00:57:58Do not answer, Betty?
00:57:59Do not answer.
00:58:00Do not answer.
00:58:01Yeah.
00:58:02About the only phone call I can take these days is from my mom.
00:58:04And all she ever wants to know is when I'm going to get another job.
00:58:07Shit, man.
00:58:08Even when you call, all I can ever think about is the happiness that you found with Kathy.
00:58:13Thanks, man.
00:58:14And about how one day I'll die, having never found that kind of love myself.
00:58:18Okay, we're going to stop this conversation, but I've got to say relationships are hard.
00:58:21And one thing I'm not going to do is sit here and listen to all how easy everybody else has it.
00:58:25And I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again.
00:58:27You've got to quit trying so goddamn hard.
00:58:29Treat women like basketball.
00:58:30No more no-look passes through traffic trying to get the easy layup.
00:58:33Let the game come to you.
00:58:34Play good defense.
00:58:35Limit your turnovers.
00:58:36I'm going to get the open look off the broken play.
00:58:37Hit the shot.
00:58:38I'm just...
00:58:39I'm like a one-armed Will Chamberlain out there.
00:58:42Okay.
00:58:43No.
00:58:44You may be right.
00:58:45I'm no expert.
00:58:46Instead of coming up with a solid game plan aimed at victory, it's probably better just
00:58:50to complain instead.
00:58:51I'm sorry, man.
00:58:54I know you're right.
00:58:55You know?
00:58:56I just...
00:58:57No.
00:58:58Look, I get it.
00:58:59I do.
00:59:00Look, I feel for you.
00:59:01I'm really glad that we had this little talk, but it's okay with you.
00:59:05How about I get married?
00:59:07Well, it sure has been a long time.
00:59:32Well, congratulations.
00:59:33Oh, thank you.
00:59:34I'm sure they'll have many happy years together.
00:59:36Now, you too.
00:59:37Don't be strangers.
00:59:38Hey, you're not going to get away from us just yet.
00:59:40Not without us first seeing that young lady friend of yours.
00:59:43Oh, yes.
00:59:44We haven't seen her tonight.
00:59:45What was her name again, dear?
00:59:46Angela.
00:59:47Angela.
00:59:48That's right.
00:59:49Such nice hair and skin.
00:59:50That's so sweet.
00:59:53Now, where can we find her?
00:59:55Okay, okay.
00:59:56I'm sorry.
00:59:57Would you excuse me?
00:59:58Guys, no.
00:59:59You know, you have resting bitch face, but I have something for you.
01:00:01You arrogant punk.
01:00:02I will throw you out of here on your ear.
01:00:04Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, fellas, fellas.
01:00:06We are at a wedding.
01:00:07A wedding of two people that we love very much.
01:00:10Which is why we are going to keep our heads just for one day.
01:00:13Hmm?
01:00:14We are going to have a very nice time.
01:00:15We are going to enjoy this wonderfully generous open bar.
01:00:17Okay?
01:00:18I'm sorry, sir.
01:00:19Can we please give Mr. Tuck here another drink?
01:00:23There you go.
01:00:24And we are going to apologize.
01:00:30Now, that's what I'm talking about right there.
01:00:32That's a wonderfully hospitable gesture.
01:00:33Wouldn't you say?
01:00:38Adorable.
01:00:41What is wrong with you, Bryce?
01:00:43What?
01:00:44You don't think he's adorable?
01:00:45You're a member of the wedding party, for Christ's sake.
01:00:47You can't avoid getting into an all-out brawl by, what, your third drink?
01:00:50The fucker sat in my chair.
01:00:51What do you want me to do in your chair?
01:00:52He's the father of the goddamn bride.
01:00:54All right.
01:00:55Well, whatever.
01:00:56He should know better.
01:00:57And just for the record, this is my fourth drink.
01:00:59And you know what?
01:01:00You can just try to be this much less of an asshole.
01:01:02Oh, please.
01:01:03If you want to do this narcissistic shit in your own time, be my guest.
01:01:05But at least try not to do it at your friend's wedding.
01:01:08You don't want to talk?
01:01:09You don't think your self-involved brooding over every chick you've ever dated since birth is getting old?
01:01:13You know what?
01:01:14Fuck you, dude.
01:01:15Hell shit.
01:01:16Hey, what's with the potty mouth all of a sudden?
01:01:18Yeah, you know what?
01:01:19I do have a potty mouth.
01:01:20And this potty mouth is sick of your shit.
01:01:21My shit?
01:01:22Never cause a scene at a friend's wedding, would you?
01:01:26You're a dick.
01:01:27Christ, dude.
01:01:28You know, your ex didn't waste any time getting her shit back together.
01:01:31What's your problem there?
01:01:32What are you talking about?
01:01:33Give me a break like you don't know Angela got engaged.
01:01:39Carrots are shit.
01:01:40You're a nice guy, man.
01:01:41Okay?
01:01:42A little boring, but Vince likes you.
01:01:44She can't be that bad, but you gotta get your shit together here.
01:01:47Do us both a favor.
01:01:50Just look on one of those for a little while, okay?
01:01:53And just keep quiet.
01:01:54We've got a nice long night ahead of us.
01:01:56We're just gonna calm down.
01:01:57Just shake it off.
01:01:58Drink some drinks.
01:02:00Smoke some stogies.
01:02:01And crush.
01:02:02Oh, yeah.
01:02:03A little ass.
01:02:08Good talk.
01:02:10This is yours.
01:02:17I'd like to propose a toast.
01:02:32To my best buddy, Charlie, who, God help us all, is about to give his best man speech.
01:02:37To Charlie Carroll.
01:02:38You know, when I first met Charlie, I thought he was a complete idiot.
01:02:42Then he opened his mouth and proved me right.
01:02:45Come on, Charlie.
01:02:46Come on up here.
01:02:47Charlie.
01:02:48Well, hold on now, Charlie.
01:02:49Where's that young lady friend of yours?
01:02:50Yes, Angela.
01:02:51Such a pretty girl.
01:02:52Can I mention, my new fiance's got a really big dick.
01:02:53Quite a bit more sizable than yours.
01:02:54I definitely love middle-of-the-night sex with him.
01:02:55Little guy.
01:02:56Dick.
01:02:57America.
01:02:58Shouldn't you be giving a speech?
01:02:59Oh, God.
01:03:00That'd be the perfect way to hear about every chick you've dated such a child.
01:03:01No, no, no, no.
01:03:02It's probably better to complain.
01:03:03Where do you hurt?
01:03:04Any man with a pulse in American system.
01:03:05Where did you go to get a date?
01:03:06Asparagus!
01:03:07Yeah, I don't eat meat.
01:03:08Where did you go to sleep?
01:03:09Because something's wrong with him.
01:03:10Anybody can see that.
01:03:11Way to be introspective.
01:03:12Right, because you would never cause a scene with a friend the way he would.
01:03:14Yeah.
01:03:15You know what your problem is, Charlie?
01:03:16You.
01:03:17You.
01:03:18Was ist Kathi und Vince?
01:03:48Hey, uh, that was a really amazing speech you've been.
01:04:17Thank you very much.
01:04:19I wish I could remember it.
01:04:22Wow.
01:04:24Yeah.
01:04:24I mean, I've never seen an entire crowd of people in tears like that.
01:04:29And the way you delivered it, like almost catatonic at times, it was...
01:04:33It was moving, to say the least.
01:04:36Well, here's to what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.
01:04:40You don't, uh, recognize me, do you?
01:04:55Oh, it's okay.
01:04:57It'll come to you.
01:04:58Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
01:05:04Holy shit.
01:05:05I thought we could shake it out of you.
01:05:07Yeah, it's okay.
01:05:07You know what?
01:05:08Lorelei, by the way.
01:05:08Charlie, I didn't ask for your number that day, and I've been regretting it ever since.
01:05:15Really?
01:05:16I did not see that coming.
01:05:18I swear to God, true story.
01:05:20You, you were so charming.
01:05:23Infinitely better than the jobs in this video.
01:05:26That was a good one.
01:05:26So, please, um, accept my apology for my non-attempt.
01:05:32It was clearly uncalled for.
01:05:35Well, I mean, now that I've heard the part of your speech where vegetarianism abandoned you.
01:05:41Holy cow, by the way.
01:05:44You know, maybe I can let this one slide.
01:05:46Well, I won't make that mistake twice, so, you know, beware.
01:05:49Well.
01:05:50Although I, I must say that you're lucky, because a girl not quite as confident as me
01:05:59might worry or wonder why a guy or a gentleman such as yourself didn't ask for her number.
01:06:04She could wonder for a whole ten minutes.
01:06:06Could leave a scar.
01:06:07Oh, scars.
01:06:08Well, that is something that I know a lot about.
01:06:10But, to be honest, there was, there's nothing to wonder.
01:06:14You, I, God, I was thrilled with.
01:06:17And, me, on the other hand, then, not so much Mr. Damaged Goods.
01:06:23Ah.
01:06:24I should put that on my driver's license.
01:06:26Definitely should.
01:06:27Yeah.
01:06:28The rebound.
01:06:28Yeah.
01:06:29And, of course, compounded by the job situation.
01:06:32I'm still unemployed, by the way.
01:06:33But, I'm sure you can understand.
01:06:35No.
01:06:35Actually, I got a job a few months ago.
01:06:37But, you get it.
01:06:38So, um.
01:06:43I was, I was getting out of this relationship with this girl, Angela,
01:06:46and, I don't know, the thing about Angela.
01:06:49The thing about her is, is she's in the past.
01:07:07And I live here, in reality.
01:07:10It's great to see you, by the way.
01:07:13It's great to see you, too.
01:07:14I love this song.
01:07:21No, seriously.
01:07:22Do you remember this song?
01:07:24Yeah.
01:07:24Like, from back in the day?
01:07:25How could I forget it?
01:07:26I adore this song.
01:07:27That's good.
01:07:27I used to roller skate to this song.
01:07:30Yeah, totally did.
01:07:31I used to roller skate to this song.
01:07:33Okay.
01:07:33I swear.
01:07:34Yeah.
01:07:35Backward skate.
01:07:35Backward skate only, please.
01:07:37Backward skate.
01:07:38Reverse.
01:07:38Oh, yeah.
01:07:40I remember that.
01:07:41But, you know, I can probably do you one better.
01:07:46Couple skate only, please.
01:07:47Couple skate only.
01:07:48All other skaters, please clear the floor.
01:07:50Yeah.
01:07:50I know what you're thinking.
01:08:01But the point here isn't Lorelai turning out to be the one.
01:08:06No.
01:08:07Well, for me that weekend, it was good enough to see some old friends united with their ones.
01:08:12A nice reminder to help get me on my way.
01:08:17Interestingly, however, even though it took some time off relaxing.
01:08:22Attaining a finer appreciation for introspection.
01:08:25Finding a therapist willing to discard Abyssin philosophies in exchange for more helpful Swedish techniques.
01:08:35And, of course, getting over a well-earned case of the clap.
01:08:40I finally got my act together.
01:08:42Created a bit of my own luck.
01:08:44And faced life, at long last, happier.
01:08:50And to me, really, that's the crazy part.
01:08:52Rather than putting on a show to create psychological band-aids.
01:08:57Going out of our way to hide our feelings.
01:09:03Perhaps we can start by taking comfort in the experiences themselves.
01:09:08Both good and bad.
01:09:12The ones that come with loving another person.
01:09:17And being lucky enough to be loved in return.
01:09:22Life's valleys.
01:09:24Life's valleys.
01:09:26More than an easy feeling.
01:09:29She breaks down to me.
01:09:32I feel I'll tell you what it means to me.
01:09:38Flow like a lazy river.
01:09:42For an eternity.
01:09:45And especially life's peaks.
01:09:47Feeling them at their fullest.
01:10:06And reminding us why it's so great simply being alive in the first place.
01:10:09Living lives filled with love.
01:10:22Real love.
01:10:26That we get to feel.
01:10:27Honoring the rare treasures of those relationships by simply sitting back.
01:10:43Being thankful for our lives.
01:10:49And enjoying the ride.
01:10:52At least, I think that's what Oprah says.
01:11:04Blue is also a couple of months all over the world.
01:11:22Blue is the only one.
01:11:27Blue is the only one.
01:11:29Blue is the only one.
01:11:30Blue is the only one.
01:11:32Hey, give me a hand, buddy.
01:11:41Okay, come on.
01:12:02Hey, give me a hand, buddy.
01:12:32All right.
01:12:35Goodbye, Charles.
01:12:36See ya.
01:12:40Let's see what he left in here.
01:12:43That'll cover the drinks.
01:12:53You know, in America, we're gentlemen.
01:12:57Gentlemen give each other time to speak.
01:12:58So if you, just let me finish.
01:13:02Come, weibchen, küss mich noch einmal.
01:13:10Mein Herr, ich bin etwas passiert.
01:13:12Leut, ich selbst noch invitiert.
01:13:14Dumm, lassen Sie uns gehen.
01:13:17Na, lassen Sie uns gehen.
01:13:18Leone, party of four.
01:13:20Leone, party of four.
01:13:21Leone, Leone.
01:13:23Leone, party of four.
01:13:24Yeah, it's catchy, catchy like the clap, all right.
01:13:39I have the clap.
01:13:40Well, of course, George.
01:13:46Like, well, of course, let's not hit.
01:13:50That's not fair.
01:13:50Well, of course.
01:13:51Come, I'll see you next time.
01:13:51Yeah.
01:13:52Okay, well, of course, that's okay.
01:13:53So, like, the clap, all right.
01:13:54I'll see you next time.
01:13:55I'll see you next time.
01:13:55Well, of course you have another.
01:13:56One of course you have.
01:13:57So will ich gehen.
01:14:00Ich schreik es hin.
01:14:02Es soll geschehen.
01:14:03Und fort, schön fort.
01:14:05Gleich will ich mich bequemen.
01:14:08Nur noch mal.
01:14:09Es ist, like,
01:14:10maybe inviting another girl into the bedroom.
01:14:12Maybe you could watch us.
01:14:17Oh, no.
01:14:18Oh, so schein.
01:14:21Ne küsse.
01:14:22Astronomical.
01:14:23Oh, yeah.
01:14:25Businesswoman.
01:14:26Can someone give me a job?
01:14:27Erke, du, der Zärtlichkeit.
01:14:29Wir kommen nicht zu Ende heute.
01:14:32Erke, du, es ist jetzt Zeit.
01:14:35Sein grünes, großes, obel, was es ist das All hier.
01:14:38Die Flüge hat nur mein und tauschen,
01:14:40viel mit Freitagier.
01:14:41Der Faden zu, der Schiffen kann,
01:14:43nur noch ein Gart zu sein.
01:14:45Die Flüge zu der Zeit,
01:14:46wie grüner Schiff, der Freitagier sein.
01:14:47Die Flüge, der Schiff, der Schiff,
01:14:50der Rund, der Rund zu mir.
01:14:52Die Flüge, der Schiff, der Rund, der Rund,
01:14:53die Flüge, der Rund,
01:14:54die Flüge, der Schiff, der Schiff,
01:14:56die Flüge, der Schiff,
01:14:57erst Allison Lied.
01:15:14Turn your TV off.
01:15:15Turn that fucking TV off.
01:15:17Turn it off.
01:15:17Turn it off.
01:15:18Off.
01:15:19Off.
01:15:19Ah!
01:15:20Ah!
01:15:20Ah!
01:15:42Das ist weil etwas falsch ist mit ihm.
01:15:43Wer kann das sehen.
01:15:47Das ist weil etwas falsch ist mit ihm.
01:15:49Anybody kann das sehen.
01:15:53Excuse me.
01:15:54Das ist weil etwas falsch ist mit ihm.
01:15:56Anybody kann das sehen.
01:15:59Ben?
01:16:00Anything else?
01:16:06Right.
01:16:07Because on this dark street,
01:16:08these two huge thugs with machetes.
01:16:10And nunchucks.
01:16:11And really bad skin.
01:16:14I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
01:16:17Ah!
01:16:27Holy shit.
01:16:28Seriously?
01:16:29Yeah.
01:16:30I know.
01:16:37Compromises.
01:16:39What the fuck?
01:16:41Compromises.
01:16:42Fuck me.
01:16:43Fuck me hard.
01:16:44Fuck me so fucking hard.
01:16:47Peekaboo.
01:16:48Peekaboo.
01:16:49Peekaboo.
01:16:50Peekaboo.
01:16:51Peekaboo.
01:16:52Peekaboo
01:16:55Peekaboo
01:16:56Peekaboo
01:16:58Resulting in your eternal damnation
01:17:05straight to hell
01:17:06Stop it
01:17:09What?
01:17:15It's back over that line, right?
01:17:18Yeah
01:17:18If you're thirsty
01:17:21Margie
01:17:26Oh, I know
01:17:46Oh, I know
01:17:47Which meant he knew how to maximize
01:17:48our animalistic impulses
01:17:50optimally heightening our sexual stimuli
01:17:52Five orgasms
01:17:53Cinco orgasmos
01:17:56You look like you've done a lot of drugs
01:18:04America
01:18:10Okay?
01:18:12America, not Britain
01:18:13I'm wearing the fucking flag pin
01:18:15Come on, look, she's fine
01:18:22I'll let you do that thing to me that you really like
01:18:25I have, like, a whole lot of lube
01:18:26Fuck this
01:18:39Don't pay me enough
01:18:40Here we go
01:18:43My God
01:18:44This is how I do voiceovers in my house
01:18:46Five, six, seven
01:18:48Don't let motherhood slow you down
01:18:51Baby's take and take
01:18:52But it's your turn now
01:18:54So keep on rolling
01:18:55In the smoking stroller
01:18:57So keep on rolling
01:18:58In the smoking stroller
01:18:59Available at fine stores near you
01:19:00So keep on
01:19:02What do you do?
01:19:02I don't know
01:19:03Okay
01:19:03Let's just keep doing it
01:19:06Don't let motherhood slow you down
01:19:09Baby's take and take
01:19:10But it's your turn now
01:19:11So keep on rolling
01:19:13In the smoking stroller
01:19:14That was awesome
01:19:17No
01:19:17Okay
01:19:18Don't let motherhood slow you down
01:19:21Baby's take and take
01:19:22But it's your turn now
01:19:24So keep on rolling
01:19:25In the smoking stroller
01:19:27We're in the pocket now
01:19:28That was the best one
01:19:28That was the best one
01:19:29Want to do another one?
01:19:31Don't let motherhood slow you down
01:19:33Baby's take and take
01:19:35But it's your turn now
01:19:36So keep on rolling
01:19:37In the smoking stroller
01:19:39That was a jingle, man
01:19:41That was a good one
01:19:41Yeah
01:19:42Did we get it?
01:19:44Ha ha
01:20:1467 donkeys take 5
01:20:44How many donkeys?
01:20:4867
01:20:49So like here?
01:20:51A little higher?
01:20:53There
01:20:54There
01:21:05And there
01:21:05So like it's your turn now
01:21:07Where's the secret to the
01:21:09there?
01:21:10It's my turn now
01:21:11And there
01:21:11Who can go on?
01:21:12And there
01:21:13And there
01:21:14You
01:21:15Can go on
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