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Short filmTranscript
00:00It's me, Krabs.
00:06You're meant to say the password.
00:13Pimp.
00:14Life.
00:15Pummeloon.
00:24You got it fast.
00:25I saw my cousin in Tesco, so he gave me a lift up here.
00:31No one's supposed to know I'm here.
00:33My cousin doesn't know, yeah?
00:35Plus he's got a dodgy left eye.
00:37Shut up!
00:38Where's my change?
00:40There wasn't any.
00:41It cost exactly 20 quid.
00:47Okay, thanks, bye.
00:48Wait there.
00:49What the hell is this?
00:51I told you, pot noodle, cooked chicken, 20 marble reds.
00:54You bought me frozen prawns, butternut squash, and a pack of top trumps.
01:03That's all they had.
01:05Did you nick these and keep the money?
01:08No!
01:10I mean, you could check me if you want.
01:13You spent it, didn't you?
01:15Did you go to the fun fair?
01:17No!
01:18Where did you get your face painted, then?
01:20Well, why can't I talk to her?
01:27She's not in.
01:28She's at JazTap.
01:29Oh shit, that's on Wednesdays.
01:30They moved it, cos it clashes with gymnastics.
01:32Alright, I'll talk to her later then.
01:33We're going to my mum's.
01:34Tomorrow?
01:35No, look, Tevin.
01:37I don't want you calling here anymore.
01:39What are you talking about?
01:40You should hand yourself in.
01:41And if I do...
01:42If I do, are you going to bring Jaden inside to see me?
01:46I've got to go.
01:48Tanisha?
01:50Tanisha?
01:51Come on.
01:52Pimp life.
01:53Whoa!
01:54This is loads.
01:55What's the order for tomorrow?
01:56There is no order for tomorrow.
01:57I'm done.
01:58I'm going home.
01:59I'm going home.
02:00Ow!
02:01Ow!
02:02Ow!
02:03Ow!
02:04Ow!
02:05Ow!
02:06Ow!
02:07Ow!
02:08Ow!
02:09Ow!
02:10Ow!
02:11Ow!
02:12Ow!
02:13Ow!
02:14Ow!
02:15Ow!
02:16Ow!
02:17Ow!
02:18Ow!
02:19Ow!
02:20Ow!
02:21Ow!
02:22Ow!
02:23Ow!
02:24Ow!
02:25Ow!
02:26Ow!
02:27Ow!
02:28Ow!
02:29Ow!
02:30I'd just really like to get into some casework and be stuck in archives.
02:31After work, Jaden's tonight.
02:32After work, Jaden's tonight.
02:33After me, Jaden's.
02:34Ow!
02:35There is a file that he took.
02:36Security plates with a knife, of course.
02:38Ow!
02:39You've been filed on.
02:40He just gave Steve the document.
02:41Ow!
02:42Ow!
02:43Ow!
02:44Ow!
02:45Ow!
02:46He was in a...
02:47And they were working to...
02:48Oh, my God.
02:49This isn't happening.
02:50This isn't happening.
02:51Okay, Dom.
02:52Okay, Dom.
02:53I want you to focus on your breath.
02:54So, breathe with me.
02:55Breathe in.
02:56I can't believe Steve played me.
02:57I'm going to kill him.
02:58I'm going to grab his bollocks.
02:59I'm going to squeeze them.
03:00And if...
03:01Until they're...
03:02...jumps!
03:03Okay, this isn't working.
03:04What?
03:05Oh, my God.
03:06What?
03:07Oh, my God.
03:08What?
03:09Fifteen thousand pounds has just been put into my account from Steve.
03:14Oh, Silver Linings.
03:17No.
03:18Not Silver Linings, Kay.
03:20He's trying to make me look like an accomplice!
03:23Yeah, we should get off the street.
03:24I did an accomplice!
03:25I know you didn't.
03:26There was no accomplice!
03:27I know you didn't.
03:28There was no accomplice in!
03:29Forty years, Kay.
03:32That's how long double agents get.
03:34They're not going to believe you're working as a double agent, surely?
03:36Are you joking?
03:37They didn't even believe me when Sam's tuna salad went missing from the fridge.
03:40Well, that was you.
03:41Yeah, well, he called me Dombo and it felt racial, okay?
03:43That's not the point.
03:44I still think the best thing for you to do is to own up to what you did fast.
03:48Excuse me.
03:49Hello?
03:50Can I imagine that it's not just up to you.
03:52I'm in this too since you put the vial in my bag.
03:55I'm the one who smiled it out.
03:57We can sort this.
03:59What do you mean?
04:00Yeah.
04:01We can make this like it never happened.
04:04Remember what we did for Bright Marsh?
04:06They never saw us coming.
04:08We can do this, Kay.
04:10I will send back the 10K.
04:12The 15K.
04:13I will send back the 15K and we will find this Steve guy.
04:16Oh, I don't know.
04:17And you know what?
04:18I happen to think that agents probably have oopsies like this all the time, right?
04:22Oopsie.
04:23Oopsie.
04:24Don, this could be serious.
04:27Really serious.
04:28I doubt Steve took the security plans for Carnival to check parking arrangements.
04:32I know people going.
04:33I'm playing there with my band.
04:35Really?
04:36Do you think you guys are good enough to play in public?
04:38Don!
04:39Look, Kay, even if they do believe us, which they won't, and we don't go to prison, which
04:50we will, we will definitely be fired.
04:54There are people in that place who are just waiting for us to fuck up, that call us diversity
04:59hires.
05:00And you've seen them in the canteen, Kay, peering over their spectator magazines.
05:03We can't go back to PCSOing and dog shit bins.
05:07Right?
05:08We can't go back.
05:10Okay, look, I'm sorry that I put the file in your bag.
05:14I shouldn't have done that.
05:15Just give us 24 hours.
05:1724 hours to find Steve.
05:20And if we get nowhere, then we'll come clean.
05:23Come on.
05:25Team day.
05:26What do you say?
05:29Kay.
05:30Kay.
05:31Kay.
05:32Oh, God.
05:35Your hands are really clammy, dude.
05:37Sorry, I'm just nervous.
05:38Hello?
05:51Mr. Darcy?
05:53Okay, I'm not playing hide-and-seek with you today, all right?
05:56I've had a long day.
05:57Come on.
05:58Ah, fuck that cat.
06:01Say another word and you're dead.
06:04You ruined my life, you know that?
06:07life you know that we had a good thing going on bright monster you lot came along you got any
06:13last words please don't kill me what if i could help you i work for mi5 now and and and i'm putting
06:24my arse on the line just telling you that really because they're really secretive about that sort
06:27of thing you work for mi5 no i do check my idea it's in my back pocket see right there oh god
06:34just yeah you've got to get right in there yeah it's a bit of a tight pocket got it
06:43he's dancing mi5 no it doesn't to be fair because they are really secretive but it does say
06:49thames house check that google it google it thames house see i work in the archives department and
06:56they have everything down there you know what if i was to call up your record and just hit delete
07:01you know criminal charges warrants late library books just gone like fresh start you know
07:10i swear if you're lying about this no i'm not i'm not give me 24 hours i swear that i actually could
07:16you give me 48 hours because i haven't i have another thing you've got 24 hours i did walk into
07:21that okay sure yeah bye tevin it's been so long i really missed you
07:36what do you mean you can't send it back
07:38okay i've been in the queue for 45 minutes and this is what you've got to tell me why can't you
07:48just like send a traveler's check or something dom what julie's 60th yeah i can't make it no you've
07:55already said you're coming okay fine i'm making a playlist for it sounds great dad asking everyone
07:59to contribute a track um gold digger by kanye oh gold digger bye alexa play gold digger
08:13morning kid oh sorry i didn't see you there mom you lied
08:20you said you said the third percy jackson book was the best the fourth is even better yeah
08:30yeah you know you've got you've got a lot of elaborate
08:34lift bye
08:40dominique oh mom i'm glad i've caught you caught me i i didn't do anything i swear
08:48i've been reflecting on our conversation
08:52you're right i think you've served your apprenticeship as of september you'll begin
08:57training for field work oh field work right yeah thank you good luck
09:07and don't let me down i won't mom i mean mom mom i won't let you down mom
09:18i don't know
09:27i wondered if i could just okay still garrick yeah sure i'll wait
09:36Sorry, it's the fungal spores down here. It kicks off my histamines.
09:43What's up?
09:45Yeah, so, uh, random question.
09:49Have you ever gotten a friend's criminal record deleted?
09:53Why on earth would you ask me that?
09:56I just, uh, wanted to understand the perks of the job.
10:01Perks of the job? It's a secret service, Dom, not JD Sport.
10:06Yeah, just...
10:08I was winding you up.
10:11It was a wind-up! Gotcha!
10:14Just, I said the thing and you got it, you fell for it.
10:17It was just, better off his pants.
10:21Just, you know.
10:22That's how we do.
10:29Kate, relax.
10:31Jeez, Kate, relax.
10:33My God, you look awful.
10:34Did you have one of your all-night praying meetings again?
10:37I couldn't sleep.
10:38I couldn't have my cock or pops in the morning.
10:40Kate, just relax.
10:42Nobody knows anything.
10:43Nobody's gonna know as long as you keep your shit together.
10:47Now listen, we do have another problem, so be chill.
11:09Oh, uh, Devin is back.
11:12What?
11:14It's a delicious coffee.
11:16Such, such a smooth finish.
11:20He was on my street yesterday and he pulled a gun on me.
11:23Oh my gosh!
11:24I'm so sorry.
11:25It must be the way they roast the beans.
11:28Those Kenyan farmers.
11:30Gotta love the Kenyans and their excellent coffee.
11:34Should I go into hiding?
11:35What if he turns up at my flat?
11:37Oh my old place.
11:38Oh my gosh, you ought to put me.
11:39You know, he actually didn't mention you at all.
11:42Oh?
11:42Like nothing.
11:43Not mentioned at all.
11:44It's a good thing if the gun-toting maniac doesn't remember you, Kate.
11:47No, yeah, it's just...
11:48I just thought I made an impression there.
11:51Anyway, I kind of told him that I could wipe his record.
11:57Why did you say that?
11:58Because I had to come up with something so my brains weren't splattered all over the street.
12:02I live in de Beauvoir, Kate.
12:04Do you know what kind of gossip that would cause?
12:06Dead in de Beauvoir.
12:08It sounds like an Agatha Christie novel.
12:10What if you...
12:11Just...
12:14Tell him you wiped it.
12:17Yeah, just...
12:19Just tell him you wiped it.
12:21And then by the time he finds out the truth, the police have got him.
12:24That's actually a really good idea.
12:27Yeah.
12:27You know what else is a good idea?
12:28What?
12:29Coming clean.
12:30I felt the file.
12:3124 hours.
12:32You agreed.
12:33So what are we going to do?
12:34Where would we start?
12:37I have an idea.
12:39Oh, that's rank.
12:46Kenyan farming is trash.
12:48The facial recognition suite.
12:50Remember they showed it to us in orientation.
12:52If you've got any image of someone, you can cross-reference it with every database, every site here on CCTV.
12:58Do you know how many levels of clearance you need to use that place?
13:01OK, I'll figure that out.
13:07Hold the doors, please.
13:10OK.
13:11I've been looking for you.
13:11There you are.
13:12Now, why did you print this?
13:15I, uh, I didn't.
13:21Oh.
13:23Well, the log says that you did.
13:25The log?
13:27Of course.
13:28There's a log.
13:29Dong?
13:30Ha ha!
13:31Because it's, uh, MI5.
13:33Yeah.
13:35Um, that was me.
13:37Uh, my computer was updating, so I used case.
13:40Do you work in the basement?
13:44I do, yeah.
13:45Uh, I was just thinking of taking the stairs, you know, beat the mid-morning slump.
13:48And where are you going?
13:49Oh, I've got to reach my step goal.
13:58That was too close.
13:59It was fine.
14:00He bought it.
14:01I'm an excellent liar.
14:02Remember when I told you Moe was your colour?
14:04That was a lie.
14:05Moe is nobody's colour, Kay.
14:06What, there's a hole in your plan, by the way.
14:08We haven't got an image of Steve or his little helper.
14:12No.
14:14But I know where we can get one.
14:20Dear God, as me and Dom walk into this pod,
14:22no evil shall fall before us.
14:24We will be protected.
14:25Are you praying right now?
14:27Someone from my church once walked into our pub to use the toilet.
14:30Do you know what he is now?
14:32An alcoholic.
14:35Anglican?
14:36Just come in, man.
14:37You were in here yesterday and God didn't smite you.
14:40Jeez.
14:48What's up?
14:49They said there's no CCTV here.
14:51They said the cameras are fake.
14:53Tony, bastards.
14:55Well, I guess that's why spies like this place.
14:57We can dish it, but we can't take it.
14:58Why can't good things ever happen for me?
15:01I mean, why can't good things happen for Dom?
15:06Dom, I've got an idea.
15:09Let's do a reenactment.
15:10A what?
15:11Yeah, come on.
15:12It might help you jog your memory.
15:13Okay, I play you and you play Steve.
15:16Why can't I just play myself?
15:19Seriously?
15:20Do you know I exposed a government conspiracy?
15:23Okay, are you doing me or just all black women?
15:30Hi, I'm Steve.
15:32Uh, weird.
15:33Don't remember asking.
15:33I find you very funny, and that is charming in a girl.
15:39Are you new here?
15:41Newish.
15:41Been in nine months.
15:42Work in archives, but being grossed and devalued.
15:44What about you?
15:45Well, I've worked in the night floor for 12 years,
15:48in technical operations.
15:50I've been doing a fair bit of work with the IRA recently.
15:52Shit!
15:53I just remembered something.
15:54And scene.
15:56He said he was working with the IRA,
15:59and he had a smirk on his face when he said it.
16:01I can't think what the IRA's beef would be
16:04with the Notting Hill Carnival.
16:05Yeah, and that's just like,
16:06Oi, Jamaicans, Guinness is our drink.
16:08Use some other dark liquor to put your punch in.
16:11No.
16:12What else do you remember?
16:13Oh, we were bitching about Graham, you know,
16:15and Boyd X, you know.
16:16He gave me his number.
16:19He left me a voicemail.
16:23Um...
16:24Yeah, uh, look, this meeting's run over,
16:26so I'm not sure if I'll get back to the office in time.
16:29Maybe just maybe in the pub.
16:31Play it again.
16:34Um, the last bit, and turn it up.
16:37Maybe just maybe in the pub.
16:39Jesus, seize us!
16:40Jesus, freeze us!
16:42That's Evangelist Ezekiel!
16:44Jesus sees us, Jesus frees us!
16:46That's his catchphrase!
16:47And a blooming good one, too,
16:48and I don't normally swear.
16:49He preaches in the same spot in Halsdon.
16:52Rain or shine.
16:53I go past him every day!
16:54Oh, my God, Kay, you are a flippin' genius!
16:57Um, um, don't fool...
16:59But thank you.
17:00So we know where Steve was at
17:01eight minutes past five yesterday.
17:05Drink up.
17:06Dom, this is a hot supper.
17:08Oh, let's go!
17:09It's a hot supper.
17:10I broke my tongue!
17:16I broke my tongue!
17:17I broke my tongue!
17:19Come on!
17:20Mum, stop it!
17:21Walking so far, my tongue hurts!
17:23Okay, so, we go to Halsdon.
17:26There's bound to be CCTV cameras there, right?
17:28And if we can just get one good image of Steve,
17:30then bang, job's done.
17:31Nobody needs to know that we handed over
17:33state secrets to a possible terrorist.
17:34Evening.
17:35Oh, sir!
17:36Jeez!
17:37Hey, Tevin!
17:39How did you know that we were here?
17:40Followed you from work
17:41to make sure your story checked out.
17:45Well, now you know that it does.
17:48You know you can have confidence
17:49in the things that we say.
17:51She's a straight-suiter.
17:53Did this one always have a list?
17:55I remember three.
17:56Shut up!
17:58Is it done?
18:02I owe a lot of people
18:03a lot of favours now
18:05because of you.
18:06Maybe wait a few weeks, you know,
18:08for it to trickle through the system.
18:09But yes, yes, it is done.
18:13Your record is clean.
18:14Fresh start.
18:15Don't waste it.
18:16Or do.
18:17You know, I don't care.
18:18Choice is yours.
18:19Point is, you're free
18:20and my job is done.
18:23What's he said?
18:28Appreciate it.
18:34What is it?
18:35Who pops out from a corner?
18:38Like, who does that?
18:39Who does that?
18:40People of us,
18:41in this time of hustle and bustle
18:45and austerity
18:47and pandemic
18:48and crisis,
18:49I have good news for you.
18:52There is a man
18:53that loves you.
18:55A man that has walked
18:56like you did
18:57in his own hustle and bustle
19:00and experienced
19:01his own crisis
19:02and pan...
19:03Well, they didn't use
19:05the term pandemic
19:06back then.
19:07But leprosy
19:08was a very big deal
19:10and he was all over that.
19:13And do you know
19:13who that man is?
19:15Jesus!
19:16Yes.
19:17Jesus sees us.
19:18Yes.
19:19Jesus frees us.
19:22This man's a poet.
19:23Yeah, it's a question
19:24on your own time, Kay.
19:25We're here to look at CCTV.
19:26Come on.
19:26Oh, what about in there?
19:30The rope and anchor.
19:31We know Steve likes a pub.
19:34Yeah, I don't really
19:35want to go in there
19:36and ask questions.
19:37That looks like a racist pub.
19:38Oh, really?
19:39Just because it's got
19:40a St. George's flag
19:41in its window.
19:42You know, that's a very
19:42lazy generalisation.
19:46Yeah, no, that's a racist pub.
19:48Which is maybe why
19:48Steve was here.
19:50Ooh, ooh, camera.
19:51Up there, there.
19:52Ha-ha.
19:53And you know that's life
19:54because newsagents
19:55don't pay for their security.
19:56Come on.
19:57That's bouncing, Peter.
19:58Now, let me do the pool.
20:00I wanted 20 bottles
20:02of rabbit energy drink.
20:03You sent me 20 boxes.
20:05Okay, my bad.
20:06But please,
20:07you've got to take them back.
20:08I mean, come on, Sanjeev.
20:09I've been buying from you
20:10for 15 years.
20:11We went to Euro camp together.
20:13Does that mean nothing?
20:14Sanjeev.
20:16Bastard.
20:17Hello, sir.
20:18Are you the owner
20:18of this establishment?
20:20Could be.
20:21Who's asking?
20:21Yeah, I am D.I. Taylor.
20:23This is D.C. Swift.
20:25We would like to take a look
20:26at your camera footage
20:27from yesterday outside your shop.
20:29We are trying to identify a suspect.
20:32I'll need to load the footage.
20:33Mm-hmm.
20:35Why didn't you tell me we're MI5?
20:36Because, A,
20:37you don't tell people you're MI5,
20:39and, B,
20:40we're not meant to be doing this.
20:41What time do you want to see?
20:42Uh, 5 p.m.,
20:43maybe a little later.
20:44Okay, no problem.
20:45Oh, um,
20:46sorry, sir,
20:46I think you've got a customer.
20:48Do you want to just,
20:48you can just go in front of me.
20:49I'm not buying anything.
20:53Feel the fucking bag.
20:54Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
20:55Hurry up.
20:56Cash from the till.
20:57Come on.
20:57All right, all right, all right.
21:00And, uh,
21:01stick some of the vapes in there, yeah?
21:03No, no, no,
21:03the mango ones.
21:04Ahem.
21:05Um, look,
21:06he's meant for these nerds.
21:08Oh, my God.
21:09I used to be addicted.
21:12Come on,
21:12I'm not fucking about.
21:13Stick some mini vodkas in there.
21:15Come on.
21:17Three times in the last month
21:19you've been in here.
21:20You think I'm your TM?
21:22Well, guess what, bastard?
21:24This time you messed up.
21:25Because these two are police.
21:28Arrest him, officers!
21:32Yeah.
21:34This is awkward.
21:36We are police detectives,
21:38but we don't really
21:39do this sort of stuff,
21:41you know,
21:41we're more
21:41white-collar crime,
21:43you know,
21:43financial misconduct,
21:44false accounting,
21:46bankers piddling
21:47with interest rates.
21:48We're getting on
21:49for being ombudsman, really,
21:50aren't we?
21:50What's your name?
21:52Now, my concern
21:53with getting in the middle
21:54of all this
21:55is that I would be
21:55stepping on the toes
21:56of a fellow colleague
21:58and we know the police.
21:59CLEAKY!
22:01Ooh.
22:02Whoa!
22:06Bastard!
22:08Good work,
22:12D.I. Taylor.
22:13I'm D.C. Swift.
22:13D.C. Swift.
22:14Good work, sir.
22:16So that was obviously
22:17a diversionary tactic.
22:18Yeah, so I could...
22:19Yeah.
22:20You know?
22:20Yeah, he could...
22:21It's just a thing we do.
22:23What was that?
22:24Oh, Charlie Asker.
22:25Yeah.
22:26Suspect is fleeing
22:27west down Halston High Street.
22:29Uh, then east
22:31on Sunbright Lane.
22:33Uh, we have...
22:36You're not police.
22:37No.
22:38No.
22:39No, no, we are not.
22:41Uh, would you believe
22:43if I now told you
22:44that we were MI5?
22:47No?
22:47That ship's sold by...
22:48No.
22:49No?
22:49Okay.
22:49Well, okay, so we're not police,
22:50but we did stop that guy
22:51from robbing you
22:52and we really need
22:53to look at the CCTV
22:53just for a minute.
22:55Like, please, please,
22:56we'll do anything.
22:57Come on, boss man.
23:05Don, can you just move
23:06a bit quicker, please?
23:06I'm taking a break.
23:08You can breathe
23:08when you put it down.
23:09Come on.
23:09I'm out of breath.
23:10Keep going, keep going.
23:12Oh.
23:13What are we going to do
23:14with 20 boxes
23:16of energy drinks?
23:17You know, I'll take half
23:18and you take the other half.
23:19Or, better still,
23:20you just give me a tenner
23:21and you can take a lot.
23:21No, I'm not taking any.
23:23I've got a thing.
23:23Well, if the thing is
23:24band practice, you know,
23:25you guys need energy
23:26because steel drums
23:28are really dull.
23:28I'll take one box.
23:30Fine.
23:31Well, point is,
23:31we've got what we came
23:32here for anyway.
23:35Steve,
23:36we are coming
23:37for you.
23:41Yeah.
23:42So, can't you just
23:42sit there, mate?
23:43Don't bother helping me,
23:44even though I ticked you.
23:45You know, a lot of people
23:46are scared to speak out
23:47against you lot
23:48because they're afraid
23:49of what it will do
23:49to their rating.
23:50Well, you've seen
23:51my rating.
23:52I fear nothing.
23:53Can I help you?
24:12Yeah, need to hand
24:12something in.
24:13The Knife Amnesty box
24:15is on the call.
24:16Oh, no, no.
24:17It's my old uniform.
24:19I used to be a PCSO.
24:21Fit like a glove.
24:22A uniform, I mean.
24:25But the job did, too.
24:28Right.
24:30You need to let go.
24:31I know.
24:33You're right.
24:35But it's...
24:36It's just such a huge
24:37chapter of my life,
24:38you know?
24:39I mean,
24:39of the uniform.
24:42Oh.
24:43Right.
24:45Right, yeah.
24:46Sorry.
24:49Let it go.
24:50Let it go.
24:51There you go.
24:53Back up.
24:54Back up.
24:55Yep.
24:55Back up.
24:57Good, good, good.
25:00Dry clean.
25:01Don't.
25:12That'd be her now.
25:13Dom!
25:14Hey!
25:15I'm just carrying
25:17several hundred bottles
25:18of energy drink
25:19up the stairs.
25:20I thought they'd be good
25:21for Julie's party,
25:22so you're welcome.
25:24Just bank transfer
25:26me 150 quid.
25:27Actually, you know what?
25:28I prefer cash.
25:29Thanks.
25:30I'm bringing you
25:31in the room, Dom.
25:31Come down.
25:33Yeah, okay.
25:34Don't offer to help
25:34me, will you?
25:36What happened to
25:37chivalry?
25:38Dominique,
25:39your boyfriend
25:40is here.
25:43Now,
25:44more tea.
25:45Let me top you off.
25:46Yeah, this was
25:47back in 2002.
25:50New Yorker.
25:51She would not
25:52take that
25:53Harry Potter cloak off.
25:55Oh,
25:55there he is.
25:57Oh, hi, Dom.
25:59Hello, beautiful.
26:00How was your day?
26:07I'll just turn this down.
26:08Oh, my God.
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