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- #realityrealmus
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Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Can you keep a secret?
00:02It turns out I hadn't died.
00:03Oh my god.
00:04Died?
00:05The money from your dad's life insurance finally came through.
00:08You still run a quarter of a million quid.
00:10We did want that money for you and Neha and the boys.
00:13This is fraud. You can go to prison.
00:15I know. We've put you in a tiny bit of an impossible situation.
00:18You mustn't tell Neha. You could put her career at risk.
00:21I can't believe he's actually got a...
00:23I know.
00:24Neither can we.
00:30Oh!
00:50Oi!
00:51You! Can't you read?
00:52It says no junk mail!
00:54No, it don't.
00:57Oh!
01:00William!
01:03That tosspot son of yours could vandalise the sign again.
01:07Oh!
01:08Oh!
01:09Oh!
01:10Oh!
01:11Oh!
01:12Oh!
01:13Oh!
01:14Oh!
01:15Oh!
01:16Oh!
01:17Oh!
01:18Oh!
01:19Oh!
01:20Oh!
01:21Oh!
01:22Oh!
01:23Oh!
01:24Oh!
01:25Oh!
01:26Oh!
01:27Oh!
01:28Oh!
01:29Oh!
01:30Oh!
01:31Oh!
01:32Oh!
01:33Oh!
01:34Oh!
01:35Oh!
01:36Oh!
01:37Oh!
01:38Oh!
01:39Oh!
01:40Oh!
01:41Oh!
01:42Mom?
01:50Jack?
01:52Hello?
01:58Hello?
02:02Oh, my God.
02:03Oh, my God.
02:05Oh, my God.
02:06No, no, no.
02:07No, no, no.
02:08No, no, no.
02:09Jack.
02:10What the hell are you doing?
02:15It's just a bit of fun.
02:17No, you're scared the shit out of me.
02:19That's what makes it fun.
02:20How many times are you going to make me think you're dead?
02:22Well, as long as we keep getting a good reaction.
02:24Yeah.
02:25So is you right for the sign?
02:26It's a good hat, isn't it?
02:27Yeah.
02:28It's all about the little flourishes.
02:30Yeah.
02:31Your face!
02:33What are these for?
02:38Can't a boy just buy some flowers for his mummy?
02:40No.
02:41And don't call me mummy.
02:42It's creepy.
02:43Yeah.
02:44And it's funny.
02:45Yes.
02:46So he also treated me and Neha to a jet washer with some of the insurance money.
02:51Yeah, sweet.
02:52Which one?
02:53The Carter K5 power control with the dirt blaster and the spray lance.
02:56Is that actually in the boot if you want to give it a go?
02:57That does sound like my idea of fun, but unfortunately I've just got something urgent to attend to first.
03:04Ah, ah, ah, ah!
03:05William Fendon?
03:06Where do you think you're going?
03:08Just upstairs.
03:09Do you think I was born yesterday?
03:11No.
03:12I know you're 67.
03:14Right.
03:15Go ahead.
03:16Hand them over.
03:18And what over?
03:20Don't make me wrestle you again.
03:22Not in front of the child.
03:35You're a cruel woman.
03:36Cruel, cruel woman.
03:38So very, very cruel.
03:44Cruel.
03:47Cruel!
03:48It is a bit cruel.
03:50Harold.
03:51He's an addict.
03:52And he's going to eat himself into an early grave.
03:55Another one.
03:57Next time, there won't be a payout to soften the blow.
04:09Isn't that incredible?
04:10I never knew our patio even looked like that.
04:12It's nice you've found a hobby.
04:13Yeah.
04:14Since we got it, me and Harry just look at everything now like I could jet wash the shit out of that.
04:21Have you got that needs blasting?
04:23Brick work.
04:24Garden furniture.
04:25We'll do it all.
04:26No, I personally don't like jet washes.
04:29We had a terrible experience last summer.
04:31Neil was doing our patio.
04:33He just plugged in when he saw Chloe's guinea pig in the garden.
04:37Because it was a hot day, he thought he'd give her a quick drink from the hose.
04:40Well, that's nice.
04:41You haven't appreciated the power.
04:44Poor thing flew nearly 200 feet.
04:46And that wasn't the worst of it.
04:48You know Jeff Varley from the Bowls Club?
04:50Yeah.
04:51He was in his garden having a barbecue.
04:54He barbecued the guinea pig?
04:56Oh.
04:57No.
04:58Oh.
04:59He got hit by it.
05:00But something that size fired at that speed.
05:03It's like he'd been struck by a mortar.
05:06Poor Neil was in bits.
05:08Well, what about the guinea pig?
05:10Bluebell actually stayed in one piece.
05:12Dead though.
05:13Broken back.
05:15Still.
05:16I sure enjoyin' it.
05:22Your foxes are very regular, aren't they?
05:24They must eat a lot of fibre.
05:25Tell me about it.
05:27I must say, it's nice to see you more cheerful.
05:30I did consider being mortally offended.
05:32But then I figured you and Dad have always done deranged things,
05:34so I might as well get something out of you this time.
05:37Yeah.
05:38What, like the jet hoser?
05:39Oh yeah.
05:40I mean, you know, being able to pay rent, feed our children,
05:43that's good too, but a karcher?
05:46That's something me and Neha could only have dreamed of before.
05:49Neha and I.
05:53See, sometimes Mum knows best.
05:56There is one fly in the ointment.
05:58Oh?
06:00We can't keep lying to her.
06:02No, but what other option do we have?
06:05Will you tell her the truth?
06:07Well, no, we definitely can't do that.
06:09I have to.
06:10We're married.
06:11She's a police officer.
06:12She's worked so hard to get where she is.
06:15And you want to compromise that so you can feel better about yourself.
06:18Selfish, Harold.
06:20Very, very, very selfish.
06:23What you need to do is go home, give her a little cuddle
06:26and stop thinking about yourself for a minute.
06:28It is often made that Britain is too centralised.
06:43Do you know, I never realised how utterly dreadful television is without chocolate.
06:47You're just withdrawing from the sugar.
06:49You'll come out the other side much stronger.
06:51I don't want to come out the other side if this is what my life's going to be like.
06:56This shroud of colourless misery.
06:59This world of despair.
07:02Insipid fog.
07:04It's been four hours.
07:05Please, can I pop to the petrol station?
07:08Well, of course you bloody can't.
07:10What have you seen?
07:11Oh, wear a disguise.
07:13I'm not having this argument again.
07:15You know the rules.
07:17Well, no, I don't actually, because you keep bloody changing them.
07:21You run this house like Guantanamo Bay, but with less humanity.
07:27Rumsfeld.
07:33William, don't turn it up!
07:39Sorry, why is this?
07:40I just wanted to do something nice for your mum, you know?
07:42To thank her for the money.
07:43Yeah, got it.
07:44Who did it?
07:45Lovely Martha in the market.
07:47Doesn't she usually paint pets?
07:49Yeah.
07:50Which is why this is even more impressive.
07:52I mean, I only asked her to do it last week.
07:54Imagine being able to paint that quick.
07:56I think you can tell she normally does animals.
07:59Why?
08:00Well, we've got paws.
08:02My mum looks like a spaniel.
08:06And she's given me whiskers.
08:09I think that's meant to be stubble.
08:14Come here.
08:15I'm sorry.
08:16I'm sorry.
08:17I don't mean to upset you.
08:18It's just that it's a bit...
08:20Triggering to see your dad again.
08:24If you like...
08:26Sorry.
08:27Hopefully your mum will like it more than you do.
08:29Oh, no, we shouldn't show it to her.
08:31But hers is being delivered tomorrow.
08:34Sorry, you bought this painting twice?
08:36Yeah.
08:37Why?
08:38Is that not a good idea?
08:39No.
08:40Oh.
08:42No, it's a phenomenal idea.
08:44Well.
08:56It's time to kill her.
08:58Don't quite listen.
08:59You'll be back open to me.
09:00This money can take you to the side.
09:02After all.
09:03what is this i told you i think i'd remember if you told me you're hosting a charity fundraising
09:31night in memory of dad why because he's not dead oh you take everything so literally okay so your
09:38dad might not be dead physically but emotionally you know he's been gone since the 90s getting people
09:44to donate money under false pretenses is unethical oh don't give me that you got over your ethics
09:49pretty quickly when you realized it got you a jet hoser i'm just delighted the money's gonna go to
09:55some humans for once fed up with all these animal shelters hoovering up the cash oh our kitchens
10:03have got wheels instead of back legs this is bad juju why we're raising money for charity if anything
10:11that's good juju whatever juju is what is juju please come it would be really nice to put on
10:20a united front you know plus the bereaved family you know all together that will grease a few wallets
10:29and we'll need that because they're tight as a nats fanny down that club
10:36why am i so jowly she paints a lot of dogs
10:40i'll just be a sec
10:49hurry we're at code red what are you doing nails right there your mother's gone all
10:57taliban she's she's banned chocolate and biscuits chocolate biscuits and she's making me flaxseed
11:03do you know how they make flaxseed no well they hoover up all the dried guff from under the sofa
11:07cushion they stick it in a bag and and write flaxseed on it now it's not the time for one
11:11of your flaps this is not a flap i feel like i'm in requiem for a dream i've got i've got the shakes
11:16and it's not from the parkinson's well can't you order some online no i tried but fitzel in there's
11:21got wise to it and hidden the router hiding the router will make a difference dad the internet is wireless
11:24harry neha is right there i haven't got time for a computer lesson just get me some chocolate
11:30i should make sure it's dairy milk not galaxy which as far as i'm concerned is made with sour
11:35cream and earwax which i quite like but not in chocolate can you open the boot clean
11:50i'll have to come straight from work pigfish has been back at the pumps oh god not a pretty
12:03sight well don't commission a portrait of it then very good no phones on the forecourt look i'll pick
12:09mum up and take her to the balls club all right we'll meet you there bye okay bye love you love you
12:14i tell you this it's a disgrace what you let him get away with he's gone right up to the hill tom this
12:22one bloody hell i'm surprised he can walk
12:27where are you going nowhere what's in that bag nothing
12:57dad dad dad
13:10dad
13:20oh dear harry william harry william oh dear
13:27harry what have you done well i jumped out on him why why not because you've knocked him out you
13:33idiot i didn't mean to i'm just so bored oh god you're gonna have to patch him up because i've got
13:40to get ready how am i gonna do that harry harry come on oh all right oh i see now
13:54i'm as shocked as i'm shocked as you are oh don't even try it you devious hound oh dear
14:08harry harry harry you know they say that the saddest thing about betrayal is that it starts with trust
14:15and ends with betrayal of trust that that betrayal is the trust of
14:29and that's your fault
14:37yeah let's get that whoa whoa what are you doing sorry i haven't got any plaster so
14:42we i'll be okay thank you
14:46what's that now that is a sensor i installed so i thought it'd be good to have some advance warning of
14:53any visitors but i think i may have installed it on on a pigeon flight path or something because
14:59it just keeps going off when no one's there okay that sounds normal look i'm sorry about the
15:05chocolate dad i'd like to say it's okay but let's be honest it's an effing disaster well if you will
15:10let mom control your life it doesn't control my life apart from legally killing you making you live
15:16in the loft and governing what you eat thing about marriage harry is that there's only ever
15:22two people who really know what's going on you know what your grandmother said to us on our wedding
15:27day princess diana was murdered it was prince philip what done it now that came later no no she
15:32said don't try to be perfect just be honest and i can honestly say that every single day of our
15:38marriage your mother and i have worked very hard to not be perfect yeah we're honest to her fault
15:44right tweedledy and tweedle twat see what i mean have you printed up my speech william yeah there it
15:51is all right big font the biggest jumbo sands okay wait wait what speech oh it's a little keynote
15:59you know nothing special type 10. come on traitor we don't want to be late
16:08sorry willace how do you cope with his driving he's so timid it's like getting a lift on a milk
16:19float to be fair he is a bad driver so he's right to be nervous you want to feel the steering wheel
16:23after he's been on a dual carriage where he's dripping with sweat so haven't you got that sorted
16:27yet do you remember i told you you can get your sweaty palms electrocuted because billy did it to her
16:32armpits lovely can we go inside please because i don't yeah hey is that dried blood in your hair
16:39oh he um conked himself while he was clearing out some of his dad's possessions didn't you
16:46hmm i did did i yes you did oh look oh this isn't going to be over the top is it
16:55harold it is a simple casino night with a modest request for charitable donations and a short
17:02multimedia presentation
18:02Well, I'm going to get some air, just going to...
18:17Harry! Harry! Wait! Wait! Are you OK?
18:21I needed some air. Why? Is it your head? Are you feeling sick?
18:26I think I need a bit of time to myself, so...
18:29Harry! You can't even shut the toilet door cos you don't like being alone.
18:32What is this about? I can't. I can't. I...
18:35We're a team, remember? Yeah. I know. I know, but...
18:40Tummy to tummy. Cheek to cheek.
18:46So then, can you really not tell me?
18:51No. But I can't show you. Come on.
18:55Wait! What about your mum?
18:57Oh, sorry. Get in!
19:27Well, that was very, erm...
19:33William. Yes. William.
19:38William. Yes. William. William.
19:54Debbie, do you...? Yes. Yes. Yes. Very much. Thank you. Thank you.
20:01Right. Erm...
20:03Well, er...
20:04Where to start?
20:06Erm...
20:07In the words of Bob Geldof...
20:10Give me your fucking money!
20:14I think that's what he said, but...
20:16More Irish than that. I can't... I can't do Irish.
20:19So, erm...
20:21To be serious for a moment.
20:22We're here to have a good time, but we're also here...
20:26To raise money for a very important cause.
20:29As all of you know, my darling William...
20:33Was a Parkinson's sufferer.
20:35And, er...
20:37Boy, did we suffer endlessly hearing about it!
20:46No, no. It is, erm...
20:48A cruel disease.
20:50I've written, erm...
20:53A pro...
20:54A proper speech, but, erm...
20:56It's in my jacket pocket.
20:57Do you mind passing...
20:58That to me?
21:00Cheers, Geoff.
21:02Lovely.
21:05Right.
21:07What's happening?
21:08I don't know.
21:09Sorry about that.
21:10I wasn't expecting that font to get a bit...
21:14Er...
21:15William...
21:16Was...
21:17Was...
21:18Dead.
21:19Parkinson's...
21:20Sorry about that.
21:21Sorry about that.
21:22I wasn't expecting that font to get a bit...
21:23Er...
21:24Er...
21:25William...
21:26Was...
21:27Dead.
21:28Parkinson's...
21:29Sorry about that.
21:30I actually feel like I'm gonna...
21:31Pass out.
21:32Oh, God.
21:33Call an ambulance.
21:34I've seen this before.
21:35She's having a stroke.
21:36Can I sit back, please?
21:37Give me air.
21:38Give me air.
21:39Give me air.
21:40Oh, God.
21:41Call an ambulance.
21:42I've seen this before.
21:43She's having a stroke.
21:45Can I sit back, please?
21:46Give me air.
21:47Give me air.
21:48When we first met, I was up front about my parents being mad, right?
21:49Where are you going with this?
21:50Just tell me.
21:51You warned me about their peculiarities, yes.
21:52And you still married me.
21:53You had all the data and you still went through with it.
21:54I'll take the apple turns and conditions, too.
21:55Don't mean how she'll look at them.
21:56But yes, I married you, not your parents.
21:57I married you, not your parents.
21:58I'm sorry.
21:59I'm sorry.
22:00I don't...
22:01I actually feel like I'm gonna...
22:02Pass out.
22:03Oh, God.
22:04Call an ambulance.
22:05I've seen this before.
22:06She's having a stroke.
22:07Can I sit back, please?
22:08Give me air.
22:09Give me air.
22:10Give me air.
22:11Give me air.
22:12Give me air.
22:13Call turns and conditions, too.
22:14Don't mean how she'll look at them.
22:16But yes, I married you, not your parents.
22:18Good.
22:19Because I love you.
22:20And I may not be perfect.
22:21No, you're not perfect.
22:22But I am honest.
22:23Oh, Harry, if this is about you doing poppers in year six, I told you, I don't care.
22:27No, no, no, it's not.
22:28It's not.
22:29It's about my dad.
22:30I don't have to say this, so I think I'm just gonna say it.
22:34He's still alive.
22:36Oh, love.
22:37I did have an inkling.
22:39We see it a lot at work.
22:41Really?
22:42I didn't think it'd be that common.
22:43Oh, yeah.
22:44People get delayed concussion all the time.
22:46I mean, it can sometimes come on hours.
22:48Or even days.
22:49No.
22:50No, no, no.
22:51I'm not concussed.
22:52Well, you are.
22:53But that's why you're being extra weird.
22:54And in some ways, you're right.
22:56Your dad ain't dead.
22:57Not in here.
22:59No, he ain't dead.
23:01And he's in there.
23:02He's in the loft.
23:03Come on.
23:04Your parents have a loft.
23:07It's funny.
23:08It's not annoying.
23:09Dad!
23:10Dad!
23:11Open up!
23:12It's me!
23:13It's Harry, your son!
23:14Maybe he's listening to something.
23:15He has been talking about these noise-cancelling headphones recently.
23:16Niall.
23:17He must be here, though.
23:18He can't leave the house.
23:19And he'll know we're here because he's got this little motion system thing that tells
23:20him when people are coming down the drive.
23:21Although, he might have thought we're just pigeons.
23:22Pigeons?
23:23Analyse.
23:24Him and my mum have been doing this thing recently where they're with his, like, wolf hat and
23:42they creep up on me, unexpectedly.
23:45They just jump out.
23:47All right.
23:48Harry I love you okay and you are gonna be fine but right now we need to face the fact that you
23:54are having a not insignificant psychotic episode right no I'm not I'm not okay no I'm not yeah so
23:59if you just keep breathing and if you want to hold my hand that's also fine you can squeeze it tight
24:03oh that is very sweaty all right I'm gonna call the babysitter no take you to A&E and get you
24:10hey no I'm not making no caller ID could be one of those scambots I'm not sure that's our biggest
24:20problem right now yeah you're right it might be my dad hello oh hi Billy what oh my god oh yeah of
24:33course yeah we will uh we will come now what's happened it's my mom they think she's had a stroke
24:40what's going on they think it's severe dehydration oh thank god so so not a stroke no no I think it
24:52all just got too much for you know with the emotion you pull mom she puts on a brave face but she's
24:58obviously grieving very intensely you take me home please get in the back house you serious I just had
25:07a stroke
25:08thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you just drive me oh god oh god oh god
25:22mum just so you know I've told Nehar about dad yeah so I know you didn't want me to but I've done it
25:35anyway mum mum oh Harry just leave it no she needs to tell you the truth sorry should have just gotten
25:45checked out by the paramedics back there yeah excuse me you don't talk about me like I'm a child well
25:49don't behave like one then it's been a long day I just need some rest but for what it's worth I am
25:56sorry you are yes I should have got you to the hospital earlier because you're clearly concussed
26:02busy about you as your mum it is really really bad you're like a gatling gun of lies
26:06I am not lying Harold look I am sorry that your dad has died but we all have to come to terms with it
26:16going on and on at me isn't going to change that now obviously you have suffered a traumatic head
26:22injury but just being rude to me is not going to bring your father back
26:26back oh dearie oh there we go ah that's evening oh it's just a bit of a squeeze isn't it
26:40anyone want a chunk fruit and nut what are you doing just pop to the petrol station
26:50you have to hold her right you massive twat
26:58you massive twat
27:02you massive twat
27:10you massive twat
27:14you massive twat
27:18you massive twat
27:22you massive twat
27:25you
27:26massive twat
27:28you
27:29you
27:30you
27:32you
27:32you
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