At Home with the Braithwaites - Season 4 Episode 01
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00:00Bet you can't wait for more shameful shenanigans of the rich and gruesome.
00:05Right, potted history.
00:07About four years since, my mum won 38 million quid on the lottery.
00:11Only she didn't tell us.
00:13Not even my dad.
00:14Hello?
00:15Who was too busy shagging his secretary to notice anyway.
00:19Of course, it all came out in the end.
00:20Stop!
00:20They were a big slanging match.
00:22And we moved into this mansion and all lived happily ever after.
00:26Only last year, the millionaire got a bit of a shock.
00:30Oh, shit.
00:33But before she and my dad got the chance to share the joyful tidings with us lot,
00:37our Virginia went and upstaged them both.
00:39Tamsin's pregnant.
00:40However, my mum had her own little nugget of unwelcome information stuffed up her sleeve.
00:45It's great.
00:46They tried to front it out.
00:48We're going to have a baby and it's mine.
00:50But dad just couldn't do it.
00:51You told him the truth!
00:52Then the whole issue just got several billion times more complex
00:55on account of the lottery getting wind of the fact that I bought the ticket
00:58what my mum won all the money with.
00:59Of an illegally bought...
01:01That, of course, was when the shit hit the fan.
01:04Assuming you've applied to the courts, frozen your assets.
01:08And so it is with regret that this court is obliged to insist
01:12that the money be returned to the Euro lottery in its entirety.
01:16What?
01:17So would to move.
01:19Panasonic!
01:19It's at this point my dad decides enough is enough.
01:21So what does he do?
01:23What anybody might do in such difficult circumstances.
01:27I've robbed a bank.
01:29And what did my mum do?
01:31I think this baby's coming!
01:32Yes, that's Megan in the car with the lesbian.
01:35Remember Megan?
01:36She's gorgeous.
01:37She's the slapper who used to live next door.
01:40Married to Mike.
01:41Oh, hello!
01:42You were at Megan's.
01:43I saw you.
01:44I was parked outside.
01:46Anyway, our Virginia had got tangled up with her again.
01:49What?
01:50She'd got her claws into our Sarah and all.
01:53Had her working in her agency pulling fellas to see if they were being unfaithful to the wives.
01:57Yeah, I've got something to tell you.
01:59Only Sarah got in a bit deep with one of them.
02:01I've been having an affair with him, with her husband, with Mr. Wulfenden.
02:05She's always been crap with men, minds.
02:07Are we going to get divorced then?
02:09And then what happened?
02:10Oh, aye.
02:12Mum went with the odds and had another girl.
02:14Then Ray Winston showed up reckoning to be a taxi driver.
02:16You're not a judge.
02:18But a husband.
02:18I had major shares in the Euro lottery.
02:22So we got the money back and that were that.
02:24Until our Virginia showed up with guess who.
02:26I don't want you to be angry.
02:28I bet you don't.
02:30Makes your family look normal, doesn't it?
02:32Why?
02:33Look at you.
02:33I'm not happy about this, Virginia.
02:35I'm not happy about the fact that Uncle Graham's coming round at tea time.
02:38Uncle Graham?
02:39You never told me how Graham was coming.
02:40Yes, I did.
02:41No, you didn't.
02:41Oh, and Mike.
02:42He might...
02:48No.
02:49Overhim.
02:50I don't go.
03:00I don't go.
03:01I don't go.
03:32They're going to read out the will in the library in an hour.
03:52This is the last will and testament of me, Dame Alison Braithwaite of Boxhall Manor in the county of Yorkshire.
04:02Made on the ninth day of May in the year of our Lord, 2002.
04:06I give and devise all my estate, property, money, all of it, everything, to my eldest daughter, Virginia Rowena Braithwaite.
04:24In the sure and certain knowledge that she and she alone...
04:30You what?
04:32...will spend it wisely.
04:34No!
04:34It's all right.
04:39You're all right.
04:41I had that dream again.
04:44About my mother.
04:47Ring her.
04:48No!
04:49Oh!
04:52Bloody hell, Ali!
04:53Mum!
04:54Alison!
04:55Get out of my house!
04:56Calm down, Alison, look.
04:58Look, Ali, I realise that I'm...
04:59One more time.
05:00And if you're not through that door pretty damn fast, I'm going to take drastic action!
05:04Mum!
05:05How dare you bring her here?
05:06No, look, everything's...
05:07It's different now.
05:08My goodness.
05:09She's changed.
05:09You're a fathead!
05:11I'm sorry, I know I should have talked to you first, warned you...
05:13How could you begin to imagine for a tiny, single, split second that I will be anything
05:18other than boiling mad?
05:20Yeah, I know.
05:21It's something that may take a while for everyone to come to terms with, but it shouldn't, not
05:25really.
05:25Get out!
05:26No, Mum!
05:26Get out!
05:27If she goes, I'm going with her.
05:29Over my dead body!
05:33Oh, my God!
05:40Come here, come here, come here.
05:56Good God.
06:10Any time, darling.
06:15Bugger.
06:17Sure, Tom, bottomly.
06:19Sorry, Mr. Kershaw.
06:20Jim, Alison doesn't want your body thrust at her first thing in the morning.
06:35Morning!
06:36Morning!
06:38Morning, tiddler.
06:39Morning.
06:40Oh, what your dad's not dressed up for.
06:44You know.
06:53Would you like to come through, Mr. Braithwaite?
06:54The manager's ready to see you now.
06:59It's like four knots getting in here, isn't it?
07:01When I worked...
07:02Well, it was after that nutter at the Wilson branch last year.
07:05Oh.
07:06Yeah.
07:07Of course.
07:08I've got a new manager.
07:09I don't know if you've been informed, but Mr. Bathurst has moved on to the Farsley branch.
07:13Has he?
07:14Yes.
07:15And Mrs. Fishwick's joined us.
07:19This is Mr. Braithwaite.
07:21I know.
07:25And these are his details?
07:26Thanks.
07:27Thanks.
07:27You've been promoted?
07:36Yes.
07:38Congratulations.
07:41What can I do for you?
07:45I need a loan.
07:48You?
07:49Need a loan?
07:50I know it sounds unlikely.
07:54So, until I get my two million from the divorce settlement, I haven't actually got any money.
07:59Two million?
08:00I thought she won 38 million.
08:02She did, but she set up the trust again and I'm getting half of what's not in the trust.
08:06Oh, I will be doing it eventually, when it all goes through.
08:11Until then, I remember.
08:12Where are you living?
08:13In the West Wing.
08:15I'd like to move out.
08:17Only can't afford to.
08:19So you've not got any collateral?
08:22Oh, I see.
08:25No, nigh as such.
08:27Have you tried getting a job?
08:28No, I don't want one.
08:31You see, I've got plans.
08:33That's why I need the money.
08:34I'm sick of sitting around doing nothing.
08:37I met this fellow who was selling his business and I want to buy it.
08:41Can't you ask her for money?
08:43I'd rather not.
08:45Why?
08:45Why not, if it's all as amicable as you say it is?
08:49It's difficult.
08:51She's...
08:53There was this incident at Christmas.
08:56Get out!
08:57No, Mum.
08:59Get out!
08:59If she goes, I'm going with her.
09:01Get out!
09:11Virginia!
09:13I'll ring you later.
09:15Don't bother!
09:20Fine.
09:24And we haven't seen our Virginia since.
09:27Alison won't have anything to do with her and she's not been in touch.
09:31And, I don't know, just don't fancy asking her.
09:34She's become very prickly.
09:38I think she thinks we're all out for what we can get.
09:40And if there's another way of raising the money, I'd rather go down that route.
09:45And I don't have to answer any questions and explain everything.
09:50Not to her, anyway.
09:53So, what exactly is this business that you're wanting to buy?
09:57Well...
09:58I said we'd get back to him.
10:02Oh, and the Prime Minister's office rang.
10:03He's sorry he missed you, but he'll try and get back to you sometime next week.
10:07The Battered Wives Hostel and Pudsey phone.
10:09They're expecting you at two o'clock, but they've had a burst pipe, so it's up to you.
10:12And the Guardian Woman's page wants to know if it's okay to give your number to Woman's Hour.
10:16Only Jenny Murray wants to do an interview with you, and there's someone in your office.
10:18I think she's falling out with her boyfriend.
10:28What's happened?
10:30The usual.
10:33Endless arguments about everything.
10:36About who's looking after William, about who's cooking tea,
10:39about which way round the bloody toilet paper goes.
10:44God, Sarah.
10:46So petty about things.
10:48Yes, eh.
10:51I thought you were in love with him.
10:54So did I.
10:57Can I come home?
11:02Mum?
11:03I just think, you know,
11:06there should be a bit more sense of commitment with these things.
11:10His marriage broke up because of...
11:11this.
11:13And now, three months later, you have one argument with him,
11:15and you say you want to come home.
11:16It's as if nothing mattered.
11:17It wasn't one argument.
11:20He picks his nose and eats it.
11:22Could I come home or not?
11:24Yes.
11:25You can, on one condition.
11:28What?
11:29I just want you to start thinking that bit more responsibly about things.
11:33About your life,
11:34and about how the things you do affect other people.
11:38I will.
11:38I do.
11:39No, I mean really thinking.
11:41About things like the fact that when you first started seeing Daniel,
11:44not only was he your teacher, but he was married.
11:46I did think about it.
11:47Yeah, but obviously not for very long.
11:49You don't know that.
11:53Look, Sarah, I don't want to make a big deal out of this.
11:55I just want you to understand that what I would like you to try and avoid
11:59is five minutes down the line getting yourself into another mess,
12:02another marriage breakup, another unwanted pregnancy, or...
12:05It's happened once.
12:06Or anything of that nature.
12:08I didn't plan it like this.
12:09That's the point I'm making.
12:11You don't plan.
12:12You don't think.
12:12I'm just asking you to.
12:13Oh, and you do.
12:15Sarah, I'm just telling you what the rules are.
12:18That's why you had my dad's brother's baby, is it?
12:20That was different.
12:21Why?
12:21Very different.
12:22Anyway, I don't have to explain myself to you.
12:24Of course not.
12:25Right, forget it.
12:27Sorry?
12:27I don't want to live with you anyway.
12:29Sarah.
12:30You can stick your rules up your arse.
12:32You're not thinking.
12:33Again, straight away.
12:35I'll go back to him, and I'll be miserable if that's what you want.
12:38I'll go back and watch him sat farting in his underpants in front of Blue Peter.
12:41I'll be there.
12:42I'll go back and watch him.
12:42I'll be there.
12:43I'll be there.
13:16Thanks for the coffee.
13:23I'll, er, let you know about the loan.
13:25It won't be a problem.
13:26I just have to go through the proper channels.
13:31It's been nice to see you again.
13:34And you.
13:35We should get together some time.
13:36Yeah.
13:37If you wanted to.
13:38I don't like that.
13:39Are you busy next week?
13:40No, never busy.
13:42You're not busy tonight?
13:46What's happened?
13:52It's all stupid.
13:54Stupid rubbish about his stupid wife and their stupid divorce.
13:59I sometimes think he's as mad as she is.
14:03It's nice to see you.
14:04Yeah.
14:07I'm sorry I haven't been in touch.
14:09How's Charlotte?
14:10She's fine.
14:12As far as I know.
14:14How's Megan?
14:15She's fine.
14:16She's out.
14:18Do you wanna...
14:20So, you've left him?
14:33Yeah.
14:35For good?
14:36Yeah.
14:37I've got my stuff downstairs in the car.
14:40Can we stay here?
14:41Yeah.
14:42Of course you can.
14:43Just for a bit.
14:44We haven't got as much room as me mum.
14:46We've had a...
14:47frank exchange of views.
14:50Have you?
14:52What about?
14:53Stuff.
14:55And me dad seeing Elaine again.
15:01Do you fancy gin and tonic?
15:06What you need is a good night in with your mates.
15:108.30, all right?
15:11Mike'll probably be there.
15:12Possibly.
15:14Mike as in Megan's husband?
15:16Yep.
15:18You're seeing Mike?
15:20No, no.
15:22No, he just...
15:23pops round now and again.
15:25A lot.
15:27And I let the boys fish in the river and so forth
15:29and then sometimes he comes round by himself.
15:31It's very lonely.
15:32But he's...
15:33he's pleasant enough company.
15:35Occasionally so.
15:38Alison,
15:38Hannah Davies is here for Women in Crisis.
15:41Oh, yeah, sorry.
15:42Sure in.
15:43Flats come through.
15:48Hello.
15:50That is not the woman from Women in Crisis.
15:52No, she'll be back in an hour.
15:54I gave her a £20 note and pointed her towards Harvey Nicks.
15:57Did you?
15:58Shall I?
15:59Thanks.
15:59Milk, no sugar.
16:02Gorgeous office.
16:04What do you want?
16:07Virginia keeps having bad dreams about you.
16:10She keeps dreaming that you're dead.
16:11I said ring her, but she won't.
16:14She only has to do one thing, Megan.
16:15Look, I know you don't like to believe this, but I do care about her.
16:20And I think she does care about me genuinely.
16:24What then?
16:25A bit.
16:25A lot.
16:27You see, the trouble with you is that even if that were true,
16:29nobody in their right minds would ever believe you.
16:30So why have I come here, hmm?
16:32If I don't care about her?
16:34You're not even one of them.
16:36Aren't I?
16:37You're just playing at it.
16:38I have sex with her daughter.
16:40We don't have sex.
16:41Well, once the flood happened, she's pissed.
16:47I didn't realise.
16:49I assumed...
16:50She's not gay.
16:52Well, she's not, not gay.
16:53She's, I don't know, kidding herself.
16:58And if there's one thing Megan's good at, it's kidding herself.
17:01You're only in it for what you can get.
17:04Well, that's a bit weird, isn't it?
17:05Because at the moment, I'm supporting her.
17:06She's just passed her part twos, by the way.
17:11She's doing very well.
17:12You'd be so proud of her.
17:15Could you give me a few minutes?
17:23I think she's still clinging on to the idea
17:26that one day me mum will change her mind
17:28and hand over some cash.
17:30But she won't.
17:32And when Megan finally accepts that,
17:34I won't see her for dust.
17:35Why don't I let you have a few pounds?
17:39And in return, you let her down gently.
17:42And over a period of, say, a few weeks,
17:45you'd just disappear bit by bit.
17:47How about that?
17:48You wouldn't lend me a fiver, Alison.
17:51You both know that.
17:53I'd like you to leave now.
17:56I'll tell her you're not dead then, shall I?
17:59Yet.
18:01You will never get anything out of this, Megan,
18:03however long you persist.
18:04No one will ever make her happier than I do.
18:08I think you should get used to that.
18:10My one comfort is the certain knowledge
18:13that one day she'll go right off you.
18:16One morning she'll wake up and she'll be obsessed with someone else,
18:19and I don't think it'll be that long before it happens.
18:21I may know her better than you like to think.
18:25She does at least recognise these days that I do have feelings.
18:29She'll dump me gently from a small height as opposed to a great one.
18:35I have that to be grateful for.
18:37Why do you put up with it?
18:40Why do you put up with it?
18:41I don't know.
18:43She turns me on.
18:46She excites me.
18:49I like being with her.
18:50I like to sit next to her.
18:53So it's better than nothing.
18:56We don't argue much.
18:58Sometimes have a laugh.
19:00Could be worse.
19:04I need a wee.
19:07You're out with yourself, kid.
19:09My facilities are your facilities.
19:11Virginia.
19:15Megan.
19:25Let's get married.
19:30Hello.
19:32You've not got any blue roll?
19:35Our Sarah's staying with us for a couple of weeks.
19:37But baby.
19:38Oh.
19:40Cupboard under sink.
19:41There's a new packet.
19:42Right, thanks.
19:45What are you talking about?
19:47Married.
19:48We're girls.
19:49Well, blessing then, whatever.
19:51Big do, party, honeymoon, presents.
19:55Megan, we don't even ever hardly have sex anymore.
19:57Yes, we do.
19:59When?
19:59Don't we?
20:00Only when one of us is blooded.
20:01Why don't I go and take my knickers off?
20:04Are you serious?
20:05Hmm?
20:05About getting blessed?
20:07Oh.
20:07Well, I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
20:28I can't find it.
20:32Virginia?
20:32Yeah?
20:34Marriage.
20:36Commitment.
20:37One embarks upon these things far too early in life.
20:43The great irony, of course, is that after all the endless skirmishes of a failed marriage,
20:49one actually feels equipped to do it properly a second time.
20:59The only problem is, a second time, one feels one's had one's fingers burned so badly,
21:07one daren't put one's cards on the table quite so forcefully.
21:14Forcibly.
21:18Yes.
21:19With quite as much abandon as one may have done when one was younger.
21:26No.
21:28I wonder if I've drunk too much.
21:33I think I'm going to go to bed now, if you don't mind.
21:38Feel free to stay and finish the bottles.
21:41Right, love.
21:42You talk too much.
21:53Sorry?
21:54You should try listening.
21:57You might learn somewhat.
21:59She's depressed.
22:00Mm-hmm.
22:03Who is?
22:04Bloody hell!
22:28Who are you?
22:29My mum, she's...
22:33So has my dad seen your mum again, then, or what?
22:36Looks like it.
22:37What are you reading?
22:42Proust.
22:45A special type of sheep that the Viking people used.
22:50And he's still bred.
22:51Same as the type of wild boar that's still bred.
22:57I thought you didn't have sex.
22:58Well, you're in bed.
23:04Yeah.
23:05Like, about four hours ago.
23:09Have you told her?
23:12Told her what?
23:14Our news.
23:16Oh, what?
23:17Have you gone and got her pregnant now as well?
23:19I didn't get Tamsyn pregnant.
23:21You're a bloke.
23:22We're getting married.
23:25Aren't we, darling?
23:34Don't tell anybody.
23:37She needs a fella!
23:39Oh, don't we all?
23:40No, I mean a proper fella.
23:42I know.
23:43Oh, I'm telling you, not nowadays.
23:50Not like they used to be.
23:52Did they used to be?
23:53Oh, yeah.
23:56In films.
23:58There was Dirk Bogard and Rock Hudson.
24:03Back in them days, men were men.
24:05What are they now?
24:06Oh, they're nothing.
24:07They're all puffs.
24:08Now, what she needs is somebody with the confidence to take control.
24:16You need somebody who can...
24:19Oh, you do.
24:20Yeah, you're right.
24:21Oh, I'm always right.
24:23Now, you can take sensitivity and you can shove it where the sun goes.
24:29What you need, occasionally, I mean, not all the time, but just occasionally, if someone
24:41will give you a right good seeing to...
24:44I'll be the taxi.
24:50Do you want to share a cab with us, lovey?
24:55No, no, no.
24:56I'll call for one if you're missed.
24:58All right.
25:00All right.
25:01I'll put the cat out.
25:03Oh, shit, I'm pissed.
25:12Suppose she starts seeing someone else.
25:14I can't see it.
25:15Well, she did before.
25:16That was different.
25:18You'd be bloody cross if she did.
25:20I'm not thinking about it.
25:21It doesn't do to bury your head in the sand.
25:23Life's too short, Elaine.
25:25Someone else getting their hands on all that money.
25:28All the money you never had.
25:30You'd be furious.
25:30No, I wouldn't.
25:31You would.
25:32I'd make a point of not being...
25:35It's getting late.
25:37Yeah.
25:38It's been nice.
25:41Yeah.
25:42I'd better get back to you.
25:44Yeah.
25:48Didn't I bring something with me?
25:50Did you?
25:51What?
25:51Jordan.
25:53Jordan.
26:12Alison.
26:13Alessandro!
26:21Alessandro!
26:43Alessandro!
26:59Alessandro!
27:01Don't be alarmed.
27:03It's only me.
27:09Sorry. Right.
27:11They've gone,
27:13the others.
27:17Baby's crying, Shannon.
27:23What are you doing?
27:29I'm going to make love
27:31to you.
27:37How do you mean?
27:39What I mean
27:41is...
27:43I think I'd best
27:45get back round next time.
27:47Yeah.
27:51No, I mean...
27:53Um...
28:03I wonder if I'm having a nervous breakdown.
28:05Sorry?
28:07Oh, God!
28:09Mike?
28:11I've just made a fool of myself.
28:13No!
28:15I've just made a fool of myself.
28:17No!
28:19I've just made a complete and utter prick of myself.
28:23No, you haven't, Mike.
28:25Damn!
28:26Damn!
28:27I've always thought...
28:29You see, this is what happens
28:33when you live life on the edge
28:35for so long.
28:37And you just have a tiny little bit too much to drink and...
28:41Mike, I'm flattered.
28:43No, you're not.
28:45No, I am.
28:47Well, don't be!
28:49For God's sake, be disgusted!
28:51Be horrified!
28:53Oh, God!
28:55What a wretched thing to do!
28:57No, Mike.
28:59At a time like this,
29:01you can understand how...
29:03people want to kill themselves.
29:06Mike, look at me.
29:09It really isn't that bad.
29:12We've all had too much to drink.
29:13Me as much as anyone.
29:17I'm the same.
29:18I'm on edge.
29:19I...
29:20I do silly things, I snap,
29:21and I get bad-tempered,
29:22and we all react in different ways.
29:26I'm very fond of you, Mike.
29:28Very.
29:29Sincerely?
29:30Honestly.
29:31It's just...
29:33I'm not ready for anything like this yet.
29:36So, I don't want you to feel bad about it at all, okay?
29:39I want you to promise me, Mike.
29:44Mike?
29:46Oh, I think I've just...
29:48trapped a nerve in my leg.
29:50Oh!
29:52Oh!
29:53Oh!
29:55Oh!
29:56Oh!
29:57Oh!
29:58Oh!
29:59Oh!
30:00Oh!
30:01Oh!
30:02Oh!
30:03Do you want me to rub it for you?
30:04Oh!
30:05Oh!
30:06Oh!
30:08Oh!
30:10Do you think I oughta call for a taxi?
30:12Yeah.
30:13I think...
30:14Yeah.
30:15...
30:19What?
30:24Yeah!
30:25You know I...
30:27when...
30:28I went round...
30:29next door...
30:30don't I?
30:31Yeah.
30:32Charlotte's momma were upstairs having sex with big sister's girlfriend's ex-husband.
30:44Hello?
30:45Virginia!
30:46Dad.
30:47How are you?
30:48I'm fine.
30:49How are you?
30:50Do you want to earn some money?
30:52Now, this one makes a funny sound.
30:55And some of the lights don't work on the lights.
30:59I'm fine.
31:00You're fine.
31:01This one makes a funny sound.
31:03I'm fine.
31:04You're fine.
31:05How are you?
31:06You're fine.
31:07You're fine.
31:08I'm fine.
31:09You're fine.
31:10I'm fine.
31:11I'm fine.
31:12And some of the lights don't work on one of them.
31:15And I think they could all do with a bit of a general seeing to it.
31:18Technically speaking.
31:19Yeah, but apart from that...
31:21Do you know how much spare parts for this kind of shit costs?
31:24I've got another 15 grand to borrow it.
31:26Well, you'll need it. And some.
31:29Will you do it, then? By Saturday.
31:31Saturday?
31:32Only I've got a wedding on.
31:34I inherited it with the business.
31:35Broke I've bought them off. Had it booked for some time.
31:39You ever wanted to know how to change an aisle filter?
31:42Yeah.
31:44Right, well, I'll see what I can do.
31:48Oh, and I'll need another driver on Saturday.
31:51Do you think our Sarah might be interested?
31:53If you explain to her that she got the wrong end of the stick about me and Elaine.
31:59You never know.
32:00I'll put the kettle on.
32:04You all right, kid?
32:07Yeah.
32:09What?
32:12Hello?
32:15Have you got them?
32:16Yeah.
32:16Now, Virginia's.
32:17Can I pop round and see them?
32:19Yeah, of course you can.
32:20I could bring a bottle of wine and cook us a nice meal later and...
32:26Great.
32:27Shall I?
32:28Why not?
32:30David.
32:31You know last night?
32:33Yeah.
32:34Well, I don't want to say anything out of turn, but...
32:37You know me mum?
32:40Yeah.
32:41Go on.
32:42She's been having sex with my cardinal.
32:45Don't be sick.
32:47What are you talking about?
32:48Last night, your Charlotte and my Jordan were playing chess.
32:53And apparently...
32:55We heard him.
32:56Aunt baby monitor.
32:58Then I heard him again outside a bedroom door.
32:59It was definitely him.
33:02Charlotte.
33:03Last night, when Jordan was around at your mum's, with you, did you hear something?
33:11She's been shagging my cardinal.
33:19Do you want to tell her I told you, will you?
33:22I'm going inside.
33:23Hello?
33:26Hello?
33:27David!
33:29What's all this?
33:30Hello?
33:33My dad's bought him.
33:35What with?
33:36He's borrowed some money.
33:38From the bank.
33:39How much?
33:41Thirty grand.
33:43So why didn't he ask me?
33:45I don't know.
33:48So what's he going to do with them?
33:50Weddings.
33:51Transport.
33:51Braithwaite's wedding cards for marriage is made in heaven.
33:56Oh, well.
33:57At least he's showing a bit of initiative.
34:03Hello?
34:04Hello.
34:06Where's your Lotus?
34:07I sold it.
34:09Why?
34:10Couldn't afford the insurance.
34:17So how are you?
34:20Piss off.
34:21I hope you don't mind.
34:36I brought the...
34:37It's not for me.
34:37It's not for me.
34:50Hi.
34:52Did you say you wanted me to do a decoy job?
34:55Mm-hmm.
34:55If you're up for it.
34:57Sure.
34:57You want to earn some cash?
35:03What's involved?
35:04The usual.
35:05Driving a Rolls Royce to our wedding.
35:07This little bloke that's getting married on Saturday.
35:09On Saturday?
35:10I can do.
35:11It's in Otley.
35:11In Otley.
35:12Right.
35:13Okay.
35:13Great.
35:14The statue's on Friday night.
35:17That's when I want you to pull him.
35:18I'll fill you in later.
35:19Okay.
35:20God knows why they leave it to the last second like that, but they usually always do.
35:24Do you want to know something?
35:26I often wonder what happens afterwards, at the wedding.
35:30Macabre.
35:31What?
35:31When everyone's invited and it's all happening.
35:33Are you sitting down?
35:35Yeah.
35:35And the bride's just found out her intended, the little sod.
35:39The millionaire.
35:40She's been shagging at my cartel.
35:43I'd love to be a fly on the wall, wouldn't you?
35:46No.
35:47I would.
35:48Shit.
35:49Don't tell Megan.
35:50Not yet.
35:51I'll see you later.
35:52Yeah.
35:52Bye.
35:54Hardly bears thinking about.
35:57Still, they all bring it on themselves.
36:00You can't feel sorry for them.
36:05You can't feel sorry for them.
36:10Alison.
36:16About last night, I'm, um...
36:21I feel so horrible.
36:27You're so good and kind, and I went far too far, and...
36:32And I'd hate for you to think that I had anything other than the greatest, the deepest, the highest respect for you.
36:42And if there's anything I can do to make things right, then...
36:52Alison?
36:54Alison?
36:56I can't stand this.
36:59What?
37:01Everything.
37:02Everything.
37:05I'm so tired.
37:07I'm up with Katie every night. There's no one to help me.
37:11I know I could get a nanny, but I don't want one.
37:16I want a husband.
37:19Someone who's there.
37:21All the time.
37:23Someone who's just there.
37:28Yes, yes, I can understand that.
37:30David's just borrowed all this money from the bank to buy those cars.
37:34Why didn't he ask me? What's the problem? I thought we were being amicable about things.
37:39But when I came home just now, he just walked off like I'd offended him.
37:43Charlotte's annoyed with me because she thinks I'm being rotten, not speaking to Virginia.
37:46But when I tried to, she told me to piss off.
37:50Sarah's fallen out with me again.
37:52So you're not the only one who feels like they're living on the edge, OK?
37:54Yes, I'm sorry.
38:02No.
38:05No, I'm sorry.
38:08No, I'm sorry for last night.
38:11It can't have helped.
38:12Well, at least it makes life more interesting.
38:24Do you and the boys want to stay for tea?
38:25Did you know my dad's seen Elaine again?
38:37What are you talking about?
38:39Slapper.
38:40Bank.
38:41Yes, I know who she is.
38:42She loaned him money.
38:44Foot cars.
38:45She's a manager now.
38:46He reckons there's not to it, but me and Virginia,
38:49we reckon they're twiddling each other's knobs.
38:50After all, most people are who you wouldn't suspect.
38:57Aren't they?
39:02Mike Hartnell.
39:04You know, this really ought to be a warning to you.
39:07I keep just nearly getting used to it,
39:09then it hits me again.
39:10The person we're talking about is Mike Hartnell.
39:14Doesn't surprise me.
39:16You don't know him.
39:17No.
39:17I mean, it doesn't surprise me about her taking up with someone else.
39:22After all, looking at it objectively from her point of view.
39:26Why shouldn't she?
39:27You're getting divorced.
39:29Yes, I know, but...
39:31Mike Hartnell.
39:33What amazes me most is your attitude.
39:36Elaine, he is a boring little turd.
39:39He is the littlest, most boring,
39:41most turd-like little boring turd there ever was.
39:44He is the butt of a mediocre joke,
39:48the sort you can't remember.
39:50He's the bloke you invite to parties,
39:51hoping he can't come.
39:53I don't mean that.
39:54I mean I'm surprised about your attitude
39:56towards the money in the light of this.
39:58I don't want the money, I told you.
40:01Two million's enough for anybody.
40:03I'm sticking to it.
40:05I think you'll regret it.
40:06Fine, if you can stomach it.
40:11Him getting all the advantages you should have had.
40:14You've put up with her for 20 years and you've had nothing.
40:20You deserve more than two million.
40:23She had a fling with your brother.
40:25She had his child.
40:26You stood by her more or less to do all that.
40:28And now someone else will get it all.
40:33Come on, David.
40:35Take her on.
40:36Take her on.
41:06My name is Tim, and I can drink.
41:11What can you drink?
41:14My name is Tim, and I can drink.
41:17What can you drink?
41:19Take me home, take me home.
41:36That's Orion, that's his sword, pointing down, but if you're in Australia, it sticks up,
41:45I can erect your penis.
41:48Alright.
41:50Have you been?
41:52Where?
41:54Australia.
41:56Oh?
41:58Have you?
42:00No.
42:03Did you know he can make explosives out of fertilizer and sugar?
42:07Can you?
42:10Can I kiss you?
42:18Have you been alright?
42:19Teethin'.
42:20How do you get on?
42:21Classic.
42:22Hey you, don't get plastered.
42:25I'm doing this wedding from your dad tomorrow.
42:27So, how do you fancy one last fling before you get hitched?
42:34Hmm?
42:35I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.
42:36What?
42:37Rheemian?
42:38Hang on.
42:39I'll give you a key.
42:41And why don't you get it?
42:42I'm not even breathing.
42:43I'm breathing.
42:44I'm breathing.
42:45How do you get on?
42:46Classic.
42:47Hey, you, don't get plastered.
42:48Doing this wedding from your dad tomorrow.
42:49So, how do you fancy one last fling before you get hitched?
42:53Hmm?
42:54I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.
42:58What, ring me in?
42:59Hang on.
43:01I'll give you a key.
43:03And what are you going to do to me?
43:06I'm going to shock you so hard.
43:09Yeah?
43:11Your eyeballs might pop out your head.
43:20Small world, isn't it?
43:23Your voice sounds just like yours.
43:29Get back here, you! Come here!
43:31How could you do it?
43:32I'm coming!
43:38I'm coming back in here.
43:39I'm coming back in here.
43:41I'm coming back in here.
43:46I'm coming back in here, boy!
43:49I'm coming back in here, boy!
43:53I'm coming back in here, boy!
43:57Get back, you!
44:04Come here!
44:36Get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him.
44:55Hang on, to Virginia.
45:00That place split up.
45:06Oh, shit.
45:22You all right, Dad?
45:23Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. I've never had so much fun.
45:26Dad, I've been thinking.
45:28I think this is a great idea, this wedding business.
45:30I mean, you could do all sorts.
45:32Transport, venues, catering, honeymoons, costume hire advice, everything.
45:37But the list is endless.
45:39I bet there's bloody millions to be made.
45:41Yeah, and you could offer a fidelity test for the groom the night before the big day.
45:45I know.
45:46That's what I was thinking.
45:47A whole package.
45:48We could send out Virginia in and text the bride as well.
45:51That would work, wouldn't it?
45:53Oh, my God!
45:54Oh, my God!
45:55Oh, my God!
45:58Oh, my God!
45:59It's like the boyfriends in Mesdent.
46:16My boyfriend's in residence.
46:33How are you feeling?
46:38Your girlfriend's here.
46:40She is not my girlfriend. She is my bank manager.
46:43Virginia.
46:46What?
46:47I've seen the future.
46:49And it's big.
47:13Your boyfriend's here.
47:15What?
47:16Your boyfriend.
47:26Oh, hello.
47:27Hi.
47:29I'm going to play with Jordan.
47:31Who's Jordan?
47:32The boys are fishing in the river. I hope you don't mind.
47:36Of course not. Any time, I said.
47:39A man came.
47:41On a motorbike.
47:43He left this.
47:47I rather fancy being a courier myself.
47:50Zipping around in leathers.
47:52That great big machine throbbing between your thighs.
47:56See, that's the trouble with being a lecturer.
47:59There's no smutty innuendo that springs to mind that describes what you do.
48:06Sorry?
48:07Oh, no. I was just...
48:11Alison?
48:12Alison?
48:13I'm in a hot bath and put some TCP in it, okay?
48:16It might sting, but...
48:18What the hell is this?
48:23What have you done to your face?
48:24Nothing.
48:25What's what?
48:29A letter from your solicitor, obviously.
48:31Obviously.
48:32I'm asking about the content.
48:33Well, I went to my solicitor and I've changed my mind.
48:38I've been too nice to you.
48:39Especially in the light of recent events.
48:43That's right.
48:44I'm claiming no more than I'm entitled to.
48:46Half of whatever's left, including this house.
48:49You're mad.
48:51No, Alison. I think I just stopped being mad.
48:53I think I've seen the light.
48:55She put you up to this.
48:57Elaine may have expressed a few opinions.
49:00We agreed, David.
49:01We each get half of what isn't in the trust.
49:04And what if you close the trust?
49:06And take all the money out of the holdings?
49:07Then what?
49:08Yeah, but I won't.
49:10You're saying that now.
49:11Okay, okay. Come and be a trustee
49:12and then you've got a guarantee.
49:14No.
49:16Don't you think that there are people out there
49:18who need this money just a little bit more than you do,
49:20given that you're gonna walk away with two million?
49:22I've decided.
49:23I'm sorry.
49:24You can't be sentimental about these things.
49:26I've put up with a lot and I'm asking for nothing
49:28that, strictly speaking, isn't mine.
49:30I'm claiming 19 million and I'm going to get it.
49:35I live my life like this.
49:37Long goes up to tell you that,
49:42and then you see your sådan out.
49:43You can be posting yourSONOR while visiting other ways.
49:45Yeah, I can live in there or else.
49:47About this, and I see him Maurice.
49:48Alex, what does he know when I do it?
49:50Yes.
49:51OK.
49:52How do I know?
49:53How do I know when I kind of connect?
49:56I'm like messing with you después?
49:58What do I know when I see this after the gateavoir?
50:00Tatties.
50:15I've set up my old business.
50:16Planning weddings.
50:17Hi.
50:18Nobody is going to employ you to organise your wedding.
50:21On a bet?
50:22She's chucked you out.
50:23You're moving back in again, again, then?
50:25Evidently not.
50:26Two people can play at being an arsehole.
50:28I'll see you in court!
50:29You and Mike Hartnell.
50:31I heard you.
50:32Giving him one.
50:59I'll see you in court.
51:01I'll see you in court.
51:02I'll see you in court.
51:03I'll see you in court.
51:04I'll see you in court.
51:05I'll see you in court.
51:06I'll see you in court.
51:07I'll see you in court.
51:08I'll see you in court.
51:09I'll see you in court.
51:10I'll see you in court.
51:11I'll see you in court.
51:12I'll see you in court.
51:13I'll see you in court.
51:14I'll see you in court.
51:15I'll see you in court.
51:16I'll see you in court.
51:17I'll see you in court.
51:18I'll see you in court.
51:19I'll see you in court.
51:20I'll see you in court.
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