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FunTranscript
00:00This is the box, 16 metres long, 3 metres wide.
00:04It looks like as if IKEA got the job of zhuzhing up Guantanamo Bay.
00:08Two teams will spend a day and a night cut off entirely from the outside world.
00:12I snore really loud.
00:18Whilst competing in a series of games designed to test them to their very limits.
00:26You're a disgrace, absolute disgrace.
00:28Win and they can fill their side of the box with an array of luxury items.
00:32Here comes some stuff.
00:34I'm having pancakes.
00:35A xylophone.
00:36Pick away at a train set.
00:38Choo choo.
00:39And more importantly, they get to move the dividing wall deeper into their opponent's side.
00:44You might want to step back a couple of times now.
00:47But the way you two are pushing it makes you look like you're actually enjoying it.
00:50I'm Jimmy Carr. Welcome to Battle in the Box.
00:58Currently occupying the box are Joe Swash and Sean Walsh in the orange team.
01:02Oh, very nice.
01:04OK, it's a fixer-upper.
01:06And Harriet Kemsley and Laura Rakote in the blue team.
01:09I really thought there was going to be furniture.
01:11No, that's what we have to win.
01:13They're halfway through the battle that started well for the boys.
01:16Woo-hoo!
01:18But the girls fought back hard, forcing Joe and Sean into a space barely big enough to fit their bunk bed.
01:25Oh, give it a break.
01:27It's well into the evening, and after their latest win, Harriet and Laura are about to find out how much box coin they get to spend on stuff.
01:35B.
01:37Values in each box can be anything up to 5,000 box coin.
01:42Shut up.
01:44Oh, that's rough.
01:47Oh, my God.
01:49Oh, my God.
01:51Of the hundreds of items available to buy, blue team could only afford a foot spa and some biscuits.
01:56But they also received the takeaway they ordered from the last game.
01:59And the boys couldn't be happier for them.
02:02Bastards.
02:03Why are they walking past our fucking window?
02:06Did they do that on purpose?
02:07Yeah.
02:08Hey, neighbours.
02:09Hello.
02:10So, are you comfortable with getting your feet out?
02:13Yeah, why?
02:14I think men are a bit more uncomfortable with pedicures.
02:18No, but that's bullshit because every man has disgusting feet and they don't give a shit.
02:22Well, we're telling you we do.
02:24But do you wear, like, flip-flops?
02:27Absolutely not.
02:28Oh, on holiday I do.
02:29Yeah, see, even though your feet are disgusting and you do nothing to care for them, you still impose them on people.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Yeah, he goes...
02:38Yeah.
02:39I think it's actually that they're self-conscious about their feet.
02:43I think it's lovely that you feel that way.
02:46I don't think they care or think about it.
02:49I'm telling you how I feel.
02:51Well, I'm saying you're an anomaly.
02:53Oh, okay.
02:54I quite like that.
02:56You're special.
02:58Do you feel special?
03:00I do.
03:02You are special.
03:04Oh, here we go.
03:07Okay, teams, please pay attention to the screen.
03:10This is the World Series of Everything.
03:13This next game is a series of mini-games.
03:16Do the thing before your opponents do the thing.
03:18And when the clacks and sounds, whoever's done the most things wins the thing.
03:22Got that?
03:23But I don't really care because it's time to begin.
03:25Charming as ever.
03:26Come on, let's get into gear.
03:27Oh, what?
03:28What?
03:29Oh, my God.
03:30Unfurl an entire loo roll.
03:32Go, go, go.
03:33What?
03:34I'm doing the whole thing.
03:35What do you mean, unfurl?
03:36Unfurl?
03:37What kind of word is that?
03:39As well as the loo roll, the girls have found a hidden gift.
03:42That'll be important later.
03:43Have you heard the word unfurl?
03:45You don't know the word unfurl, do you?
03:47Perhaps for the first time, it seems Joe is not the most stupid person in the room.
03:59And blue team have unfurled themselves off the mark.
04:03Strike a pose towards five different cameras.
04:05Oh!
04:06Oh!
04:07Oh!
04:08Hey!
04:09We did it!
04:14Make your partner disappear.
04:16What?
04:17What does that mean?
04:18Get this!
04:19Get this!
04:20Get this!
04:21Oh, Lynn!
04:22Yes!
04:23Yeah!
04:28Do something lawyers force us to censor?
04:31What?
04:32Erm, what?
04:33Yeah, I think...
04:34Ha!
04:41Find and unwrap the parcel.
04:43What parcel are?
04:44There.
04:45Before the game, my minions stashed a gift in their toilets.
04:48Lara already found theirs, but the orange team are still searching.
04:58Oh, no.
05:00Ah!
05:01Refurl an entire door!
05:02No!
05:03That's right!
05:04If you're wondering how Sean's gonna know what refill means, don't worry.
05:05They still think it's the parcel round.
05:06What parcel?
05:07Hey, I've got it!
05:08Move on, Joe.
05:09We're on to the next one.
05:10Yeah!
05:11Yeah!
05:12Wow!
05:13Joe really wants that gap.
05:14Next one!
05:15Okay, go, go, go.
05:16But how?
05:17Oh, yeah, you can't until I've done this.
05:18Okay.
05:19What's that?
05:20I've got the...
05:21Oh, I've done it.
05:22Refurl.
05:23The refurl.
05:24The refurl!
05:25Yeah, take it out.
05:26The ref...
05:27Take it out.
05:28The ref...
05:29The ref...
05:30The ref...
05:31The ref...
05:32The ref...
05:33The ref...
05:34The ref...
05:35The ref...
05:36Take it out.
05:37The ref...
05:38The ref...
05:39Take it out.
05:40This is excruciating.
05:41Okay, okay, okay, I'm refurling, I'm refurling, I'm refurling.
05:44Go my way, make the space for me.
05:47And that's it.
05:49Why are we walking in circles?
05:52You're doing really well.
05:53No, Sean.
05:54No, he's not.
05:55Hey!
05:58I don't know what that meant.
06:01And the winners are the blue team.
06:04Yay!
06:05How the fuck?
06:08What did we do wrong there?
06:10I can't believe we won again.
06:12Yeah, and we were quick as hell.
06:14Did you go in there looking for the parcel?
06:16I did, yeah.
06:17Where was it?
06:18Did you see the big present on the floor?
06:19No, it wasn't there.
06:20There's no way the present would have got in there.
06:22Was it?
06:23Where was it?
06:24There's a big fucking present on the floor there.
06:26Oh, maybe.
06:27Maybe.
06:28Yes, that's three games you've done us.
06:30Because they won the game, Harriet and Lara now get to move the wall even deeper into the boys' side of the box.
06:36When you're ready, tap the button and see how far the wall will move.
06:41It can move anything from two to four spaces, which, by the way, would put the wall at the furthest point of the orange side.
06:48This should be fun.
06:50I hope it's only small, guys.
06:53Well, that's very kind.
06:54Please be two.
06:55Come on.
06:56Four.
06:57Three.
06:58Where does that take us?
06:59Do you have enough space?
07:00I don't know what we're going to do with the beds.
07:01Well, I'll start by moving the potatoes.
07:02That's the spirit, Sean.
07:03Push that wall.
07:04Get ready, guys.
07:05We're coming.
07:06Oh, no.
07:07Just one more.
07:08Oh, no.
07:09Oh, and we got your camera.
07:10Oh, God.
07:11Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
07:14What are we gonna do?
07:36Oh, man.
07:41What are you going to do?
07:43Oh, man.
07:44This has become quite depressing.
07:46This is now prison.
07:48I'm in prison with Joe Swash.
07:50Blue Team have also won some box coin to spend on luxury items.
07:54I know you're in a box, but pick another box
07:57to see how much money you've got to spend in the box.
07:59Fuck off, Jimmy.
08:00A, please.
08:06Damn it!
08:07Oh, that's pleasing.
08:09At least there's that.
08:10So, they didn't win a lot of box coin,
08:12but on the bright side,
08:13it's making their purchasing decision a lot simpler.
08:16Massage gun.
08:17Sports drink.
08:18Mystery item.
08:19Fairy lights.
08:20Great.
08:21Everything they order is hand-delivered by my minions,
08:24including their mystery item.
08:26A freestanding hammock.
08:29Best of luck with that.
08:31I'm just going to jump.
08:33Wait, do you just...
08:34How does it work?
08:35You just...
08:36How does a hammock work?
08:37You get in it.
08:38I haven't been in a hammock in so long.
08:40Oh, really?
08:41Get in there.
08:42Oh!
08:44Yeah, you got to open it.
08:46We won one game and lost three.
08:48Look, if we lose another game, I don't think we'll have a bed tonight.
08:52No.
08:53Joe, losing the bed is not an option.
08:56We've got no more space to lose.
08:58Otherwise, we are just going to be in the toilet.
09:01As we approach the 14-hour mark,
09:03Joe is determined to boost morale with bangers and mash a la swash.
09:08Do you think I should just put my sausages in the toasting machine?
09:11What?
09:12Put them in the toasting machine, no?
09:14That would work, wouldn't it?
09:16Yeah, try that.
09:17That would be great.
09:19How do I make this instant?
09:20Is it just water?
09:21I had had this for ages, mate.
09:23You had this before.
09:24It's a smash.
09:26I'm not sure I've ever had it.
09:28How do you make it?
09:29You just add hot water?
09:30Add hot water to it.
09:31To make potato?
09:32Yeah.
09:33That's amazing.
09:34Whatever will they come up with next?
09:36Ah!
09:37I've always wanted one of these.
09:39That's amazing.
09:40Where do you do?
09:41Ah!
09:42It's super intense.
09:43I'm just giving myself a tit massage.
09:45Oh, my God.
09:46Oh, my God.
09:47Okay, that's going to be great.
09:48Where are you going to do it?
09:50Like, on your neck?
09:54You put one of these on your vagina?
09:58For a long time.
10:00Oh, look at this, look.
10:02Look at this, look.
10:05Look at this one, look at that.
10:08Oh, that looks quite nice.
10:09That's is...
10:15That's not a bad taste, that.
10:16Is that alright?
10:17That actually tastes quite buttery.
10:18Yeah.
10:23No!
10:24That is awful!
10:28That's like mashed foot.
10:30Don't you like that?
10:31No!
10:32That is horrific.
10:36Well, that's it for this part.
10:37I'm going to take a short break and contemplate
10:39whether it's morally acceptable to lock people up for my entertainment.
10:44Yeah, I've given it some thought.
10:45I'm fine with it.
10:46See you in five.
10:47I'm fine with it.
10:48I'm fine with it.
10:53Welcome back to Celebrity Kidnap.
10:55Sorry.
10:56Welcome back to Battle in the Box.
10:58Celebrity Kidnap was the working title, right?
11:00Since we last saw them, Joe's been putting the finishing touches to dinner.
11:04Which reckon's that done?
11:06Yeah, that's done!
11:07To perfection!
11:08You've done really well there.
11:10Hey, this is going to be a freaking lovely mode out.
11:14Joe Swash is doing his bit for the environment here, putting us all off meat for the foreseeable future.
11:20Hey, do you want one of these?
11:21Get in there.
11:22Bless you.
11:26Oh, it's lovely.
11:27Mmm.
11:28A meal fit for a bin.
11:29Oh!
11:31Mmm!
11:32Not bad, eh?
11:33What a goal!
11:34Well, everyone seems to be having a lovely time.
11:36So, let's put a stop to that, with some big news in the form of our next game.
11:41Boombox.
11:46Attention, teams.
11:47We've just received word of a credible bomb threat in the box.
11:50Please seek refuge in the toilets and await further instruction.
11:54Move, move, there's a bomb!
11:57I honestly feel a bit sick from them sausages.
12:03Them sausages are fucking milk, bro.
12:05Yeah, you've really done me in.
12:06Do you feel them?
12:07Yes, thanks, Joe.
12:08Orange team, blue team, you may leave the toilets.
12:11Is there a bomb?
12:13Where?
12:14Inside each box is a rigged explosive and a remote-operated disposal device
12:19that may or may not be a toy forklift truck I stole from a children's hospital.
12:23I've got to put it in there, look.
12:26One person operates the controls from the safety of the toilet
12:28whilst their team-mate guides them.
12:31I feel like I'm going to be really bad at this.
12:33OK, I think I'd probably be fine at it.
12:35I'm going to direct you.
12:36Yeah?
12:37That's what we're doing.
12:38You're going in.
12:39You're going in.
12:40You're going in.
12:41I'm in there.
12:42Yeah.
12:43I'm going...
12:45Calm it.
12:46Did you hear that?
12:47Yes, I did hear it.
12:48We all heard that.
12:49Ready, teams?
12:50First one to take the detonator from the bomb and deliver it to the container outside wins.
12:55Only you can stop this box from exploding.
12:59Three.
13:01Two.
13:02One.
13:03Jimmy, have I got five minutes?
13:06I really need to go to the toilet.
13:09Badly.
13:10Which one?
13:11Number two.
13:12Ha!
13:15Is there any...
13:16We've got...
13:17We've used all our toilet roll.
13:18No, there's spares in the basket.
13:20Oh, is there?
13:21Oh, yeah.
13:22On the shelf.
13:23Yeah, that's the way to do it.
13:24Yeah, just chuck the kitchen towel back on the floor.
13:26Yeah, why not?
13:28What we've learnt so far is that luckily we're up against some real morons.
13:33And that's really making it easier for us, actually.
13:36Jo?
13:37Yeah?
13:38The silver bits?
13:39Yeah, I've got the control for that.
13:40Jesus!
13:41It's all right, it's not bad.
13:42It is that bad.
13:43Oh, my God!
13:44It's like being punched in the face with shit.
13:45All right.
13:46OK, well, if you're lucky, the only thing exploding in the box will be Jo's bum.
13:49Get into position.
13:50The game will begin in three seconds.
13:51Two, one, go!
13:52OK, right.
13:54Yes, very good.
13:55Now, a bit to the left, a bit to the left, please.
13:57Keep it going forward to the left.
13:58Yes, very good.
13:59Yeah, keep going, keep going.
14:00Well, that's the point.
14:01You're at right to the left.
14:02It's hard to touch your left.
14:03It's hard.
14:04It's like being punched in the face with shit.
14:05All right.
14:06OK, well, if you're lucky, the only thing exploding in the box will be Jo's bum.
14:07Get into position.
14:08The game will begin in three, two, one, go.
14:19Well done. Keep going. You're at the bed now.
14:22Turn to the right, please. More right. Right. Right.
14:26Keep going. And we're turning. We're turning. We're turning.
14:29Backwards. Backwards to the left. OK, now right.
14:32Turn, turn, turn, turn. Well done.
14:35Yes. Yes. Keep going, keep going, keep going.
14:38Well, both teams have started better than I predicted.
14:40Joe? Yeah?
14:41You just need to centre by turning left.
14:44You tend to expect the worst when dealing with adults
14:46who don't know what unfurl means.
14:48One more of those.
14:49Right. Now go straight.
14:51Straight. Straight. Straight.
14:54Right. Lower the silver things. Lower the silver things.
14:57They're called forks, Sean. It's a forklift truck.
15:00Great. Now go forward.
15:02You've got it!
15:03They've got the thing already. This is the problem
15:05with having such a big room. OK, back. Back.
15:07Lift it up. Lift it up.
15:10Oh, my God. You've got it. Reverse.
15:13No, you haven't got it. You haven't got it. Sorry.
15:15You haven't got it. You fucking idiot.
15:17Boredom right.
15:17OK.
15:19If you could just go straight as fuck now.
15:22Yes! Lower the silver things.
15:25Forks, Sean. Forks. Forks. Forks' sake.
15:29Right, move forward.
15:30Keep moving, you piece of shit.
15:32Joe, we're close.
15:34Yes! Come on, baby!
15:39Yes! Right, pick it up. Pick it up. Up, up, up, up.
15:43Forwards.
15:46Forwards.
15:47All the way up.
15:48Right, reverse. Reverse.
15:49Yes! Yes! You've got it! You've got it!
15:52Reverse! Reverse!
15:54The Orange team have the detonator.
15:56They just need to deliver it safely outside the box.
16:00Yeah, forward.
16:02Yes! Yes!
16:03Up!
16:05Up, up.
16:06Yes!
16:07Yeah!
16:08Right, turn right.
16:09Turn left.
16:10No, turn left.
16:12Turn left.
16:13What, forward and left?
16:13Forward and left. We've got it.
16:15Yes! You did it!
16:19Blue team have their detonator.
16:21You better be quick, boys.
16:23Yes, that's it, Joe!
16:25That's it!
16:25Again, again!
16:27Get up!
16:28Yes!
16:29Again!
16:30Oh, my God.
16:31Reverse, reverse, reverse, reverse.
16:33Yeah.
16:33No!
16:34Blah, blah, blah!
16:35Forward, forward, forward!
16:36Forward!
16:38Forward!
16:40It won't go any more.
16:41Again, backwards!
16:42Back again, back again.
16:44Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back.
16:46Lift up the silver thing.
16:47Lift up the silver thing.
16:49Lift it.
16:50Try forward!
16:53Reverse to lower the silver thing.
16:55No, go forward!
16:57Okay, left forward.
17:01Okay, more to the left, more left.
17:03Lower the silver thing.
17:08Oh, my God!
17:10Did we do it?
17:11We did it!
17:12Yeah!
17:14What?
17:19The bomb just went off.
17:21But it was a really pretty bomb.
17:24We've done it!
17:27So it's a win for the orange team,
17:33and as the fallout from Joe's own dirty bomb starts to spread,
17:37this wall can't move soon enough.
17:44Oh, we've got five, we've got five!
17:49Yes!
17:51One, two, three, four, five.
17:54It's not that bad.
17:56Do you know what that's going to help with?
17:58Fucking space.
17:59Yeah, but it's not going to be stuffy.
18:01That's going to help the temperature.
18:03Come on!
18:09Push that wall.
18:11No, no, no!
18:13No!
18:14Why not?
18:15Reclaiming it!
18:16We're reclaiming our space!
18:20Oh, the air!
18:22The air!
18:23This is much better.
18:24We've actually still got a lot of space.
18:26Oh!
18:27Oh, it's lovely!
18:28Let's put our rug back up!
18:30Oh, yeah!
18:31Let's make this place home again!
18:33You win some, you lose some.
18:34What are they going to buy?
18:36I'm going to be really jealous of whatever they buy.
18:38Also, how much money?
18:39They'll probably fucking get a good number.
18:41BUZZER
18:44Well, that was a lot of effort.
18:46Let's see what it got you.
18:47Pick a box.
18:48A.
18:49Just A.
18:50A, please.
18:51A.
18:52Come on!
18:54Woo!
18:55That's a good bit of dough.
18:57Oh!
18:581,000 box...
18:59Oh!
19:00We got the lowest.
19:01Unbelievable.
19:02Typical.
19:03Typical.
19:04Well, that's how much box coin you've won.
19:06Grab your tablet and spend it.
19:08Jimmy, stop adding bits of plastic to your face and listen to me.
19:13I'll stop adding plastic as soon as Sean learns the meaning of the word unfurl.
19:17Wow, they're really going for Jimmy, yeah.
19:19But it's going to backfine him.
19:21Jimmy.
19:22Because he'll turn.
19:23He won't put up with this.
19:24For just being himself.
19:26Yeah.
19:27Just for keeping four people in a box.
19:29They're really going after him.
19:30We want a tea set.
19:32Decaf tea.
19:33Otherwise, I won't sleep.
19:35Diffuser.
19:36Lavender, please.
19:37Nice scent to knock us out before bed.
19:40Come on.
19:43And Joe's been kind enough to let me go solo with a sheet face mask.
19:49Merry Christmas.
19:50Imagine if you read it wrong, it was like a shit face mask.
19:53That's just...
19:54No.
19:57Oh!
19:58Oh, yes!
19:59Wow, look at that.
20:00Look at how much shit they're bringing in.
20:02This is wonderful.
20:03There's an army of people.
20:05We can't have everything, you know.
20:07We've got a hammock.
20:08What more do we need?
20:09Instructions for the hammock?
20:10I just like some kind of tea.
20:12Like, be nice.
20:15Oh, that's so, so civilised.
20:18Oh, that's so civilised.
20:20Well...
20:21Yeah.
20:22That is splendid.
20:23Both teams have been in the box now for over 15 hours and they're about to wind down for
20:38the night.
20:40You know that's how I get a silence of the lamps.
20:42Oh, I think I might have to go to the morning again.
20:53Oh, shit.
20:54Right, time now to turn down the lights.
20:59Nothing says bedtime like lying in a dark, claustrophobic box with someone you vaguely know from work.
21:06Goodnight.
21:07Goodnight.
21:08Sleep well.
21:09I'm now awake.
21:18This is a mad place to go to sleep.
21:21Goodnight, Jimmy.
21:22Goodnight.
21:24Pandering gets you nothing on this show.
21:26Find out what cruelty awaits them after the break.
21:29Welcome back to Battle in the Box, the show that finds the fun in claustrophobia.
21:42Not a word.
21:43It's the early hours of the morning and after a stressful 18 hours inside the box, Joe, Sean,
21:49Lara and Harriet are finally getting a much needed rest.
21:54Which is actually quite boring to watch, so let's wake them up.
22:00Morning, teams.
22:03It's game time.
22:04Stand by for instructions.
22:09Oh, this is hell.
22:12This feels bad.
22:14No, I don't feel good.
22:16How would you like to wipe the smiles off the other team's faces and win some of their stuff?
22:21Well, now's your chance.
22:23As you're about to play...
22:25...Stuffleboard.
22:27Slide your pucks, score some points and maybe you could steal the other team's bog roll.
22:32Oh, man.
22:34Both teams get six pucks to slide across the board and into the other side of the box.
22:39Each puck can score anything from one to five points.
22:42And if one lands in a prize zone, they also get to steal something from the other team.
22:46What would you be sad about if they took?
22:50I'd be fucking pissed.
22:52If they took the couch over there.
22:54Yeah, they might take the couch.
22:59Orange team, decide three things you want to steal from blue team's side of the box.
23:02Oh!
23:04They've got a massage gun.
23:05Let's go for that.
23:06The sofa.
23:07Yeah.
23:08And a coffee machine.
23:10Yes.
23:11Because I could do with another coffee.
23:13Your turn now.
23:14Blue team, decide three things you want to steal from the orange side of the box.
23:18I am not worried about anything that they want to steal off of us.
23:21Quite like the chair, actually.
23:23You look like you're in prison.
23:24This is so sad.
23:25Like, what happened?
23:27We lived here.
23:28What have you decided?
23:30We're going to take that chair.
23:31What?
23:33Where else are you taking?
23:34You've got loads of chairs!
23:35We're going to take the armchair, the tea set and the toast.
23:40Okay.
23:42First up, it's Joe and Sean playing for points, but also blue team's massage gun, coffee machine and sofa.
23:48Orange team, when you're ready, you may begin.
23:53What'd I get?
23:57That puck is just in the scoring zone.
23:59He's won the massage gun.
24:01And also, one point.
24:02Let's see if Sean can keep this up.
24:04I'm going to get myself a coffee.
24:08Oh, ow!
24:10Fucking idiot.
24:11Get out of here.
24:12No.
24:13No, he can't.
24:15Here comes puck number three.
24:17Oh, shit.
24:18Oh, wow!
24:19And four.
24:20And he's lost the massage gun.
24:21Oh, yes!
24:22Yes!
24:23But they've now got themselves three points and blue team's coffee machine.
24:27Oh, no, that's sad.
24:28You get the coffee machine.
24:29It's a coffee machine we've got for you, boy.
24:32Two pucks left.
24:33Here we go.
24:34That's another three points with one puck remaining.
24:35Are you ready?
24:36Don't knock the coffee.
24:37Fuck yeah.
24:38So, orange team finished with a score of six.
24:39They've also won blue team's coffee machine.
24:40Although it looks like Joe should have taken my suggestion and gone for the bog roll.
24:41I think I got the trots, boy.
24:42Don't tell me you've given us food poisoning.
24:43I've got to go to the toilet again in a minute.
24:44I don't believe this.
24:45Are you winding me up, please?
24:46What have you got?
24:47What have you got?
24:48I think I might have given us both a little bit of food poisoning.
24:49If that's happened, I'm going to go.
24:50With what?
24:51Oh, we had to cook some sausages.
24:52And you didn't cook them.
24:53I put them in a toasting machine.
24:54Do you feel really sick?
24:55I just need to go to the toilet, toilet.
24:56Toilet.
24:57You're a shaggy.
24:58I'm going to go.
24:59Toilet.
25:00Toilet.
25:01Toilet.
25:02Toilet.
25:03Toilet.
25:04Toilet.
25:05Toilet.
25:06Toilet.
25:07Toilet.
25:08Toilet.
25:09Toilet.
25:10Toilet.
25:11You're a shaggy.
25:12Toilet.
25:13Toilet.
25:14Toilet.
25:15Toilet.
25:16Toilet.
25:17Toilet.
25:18Toilet.
25:19Toilet.
25:20Toilet.
25:21Toilet.
25:22You're shitting yourself?
25:23They ate more sausage.
25:24Blue team, when you're ready, slide your first puck.
25:27Watch out, because we can smack you.
25:29Jo, what are you doing?
25:30I'm ready.
25:31I'm in.
25:32You're mad.
25:33As well as trying to beat a score of sixth, the girls could also steal Sean and Jo's bread,
25:38tea set, and armchair.
25:43No.
25:44That's bread.
25:45No, it doesn't look like you're getting bread.
25:47I think you're getting bread.
25:48That's bread.
25:49No.
25:50No.
25:51No.
25:52I can't just push it.
25:53I'm pushing.
25:54You can't just push.
25:55Yeah, you've got bread.
25:56OK, we've got some bread.
25:57Go!
25:58Woo-hoo!
25:59Oh!
26:04If it's too hard, it will definitely fall off.
26:08So don't do too hard.
26:09Yeah.
26:10That's it.
26:11Double bread.
26:12Double bread.
26:13They're blocking themselves, but those pucks are scoring one point each.
26:19Oh, shit.
26:20Oh, what did we get?
26:21Nothing.
26:22You're so close to our armchair.
26:23They've missed the armchair, but that scores them four points, taking their score to five,
26:28with one puck to go.
26:29All done, girls.
26:30You got a bit of bread off us.
26:31That's it.
26:32They've obliterated their own puck and finished with a score of one.
26:45And the winners are the orange team.
26:48Woo-hoo!
26:49We get a bit of your wall, don't we?
26:51You get coins.
26:52Oh.
26:53I'll go back to the toilet.
26:55You've gone to the toilet again?
26:56Yeah.
26:57I don't believe this.
26:58There's something happening in my belly, boy.
26:59I don't believe this.
27:00God.
27:04He's just gone to the toilet again?
27:05Yes.
27:06Sean, have you got it yet?
27:08What?
27:09The disease.
27:10No, I'm actually constipated.
27:13It might be useful for you, maybe.
27:16It's a thing I get when I'm stressed.
27:23So, blue team have stolen orange team's bread, and in return, they've stolen their coffee machine.
27:29Oh!
27:30Your coffee machine!
27:31Oh, that's good news.
27:32But more importantly, they also get to push the wall.
27:36When you're ready, tap the button and see how far the wall will move.
27:40God, just give us a two, Jesus Christ.
27:42If it's five, everything's over.
27:45Let's just make their lives hell for the last couple of hours.
27:49Two.
27:50Two.
27:51Two.
27:52Two.
27:53Two.
27:54Two.
27:55Two.
27:56Two.
27:57God!
27:58Four.
27:59Damn it!
28:00That's all right.
28:01I'll take that.
28:02Orange team, when you're ready, push the wall.
28:04We're going to have to just shrink your home for a bit.
28:06Yeah.
28:07Yeah, okay.
28:08There we go.
28:10This feels so good.
28:12It feels fine.
28:14Oh, you wait.
28:16This feels really bad.
28:18We're sending you mad.
28:19Whoa, whoa.
28:20Chill, chill.
28:21Are you feeling in there, guys?
28:22It feels really bad, actually.
28:23Oh, that's better.
28:24We will get it back.
28:25Yeah.
28:26So the boys have gained another four spaces of the box, but right now, there's only one
28:35prize Sean is interested in.
28:37Coffee for me, coffee for you, coffee for me, coffee for you.
28:45You've still got the old moves, don't you?
28:49Eh?
28:50It never leaves you, does it?
28:52No.
28:53Oh, my God, it's overflowing.
28:54What's going on?
28:56You didn't tell me that you've got...
28:58Oh, you have to stop it.
28:59Yeah, I always forget you have to stop it.
29:02Oh, the mess.
29:05Sabotage.
29:09Oh, fuck off.
29:11Well, if you want to know how much money you've won, pick a box.
29:14I just want a coffee.
29:17Go for it.
29:18I'm going for it.
29:19All right, all right.
29:20Oh.
29:21You can't be.
29:27Big boy money!
29:29Big boy money!
29:31That's good.
29:32So it's in the middle of mine, yeah.
29:34So it's in the middle, that's fine.
29:35We want house plants.
29:37House plant.
29:38Buddha statue.
29:39Buddha statue.
29:40Water feature.
29:41Water feature.
29:42Jade roller.
29:43Jade roller.
29:44I want a model skeleton.
29:47Model skeleton.
29:48Model skeleton.
29:49They're just fucking around.
29:50They don't even have anything they're going to do with that.
29:52I tell you who doesn't fuck around, my minions.
29:55They've all been chemically castrated.
29:57Fuck off.
29:58Look at those plants.
30:00Every item is diligently delivered, including the boy's jade roller and model skeleton.
30:05Be honest with me.
30:06Be honest with me.
30:07Do I look all right?
30:09There's only a few hours left in this battle, and as the final game approaches, delirium is
30:17setting in for Sean.
30:18Guys?
30:19Yes?
30:20Do you think this is a good slogan, if I was running for Prime Minister?
30:24Mm-hmm.
30:25Vote for me.
30:26I've got enough shit on my own plate.
30:29I think he's losing his mind.
30:33He's losing his mind.
30:35This is good for our next channel, because he's like, what is he saying?
30:39He's just laughing to himself in the corner.
30:44Don't vote for me.
30:45Don't vote for me.
30:46I've got enough shit on my own plate.
30:51And as if Sean doesn't have enough shit on his plate already, coming up is the final game
30:56of the battle.
30:57Which team will escape the box?
30:59Find out after the break.
31:01Welcome back to Battle in the Box.
31:11Morning has broken in the box, and since we last saw him, Sean Walsh has fully lost it.
31:21What is that word?
31:23I mean, does this place send you a bit mad?
31:27What you saying?
31:28What you saying to me?
31:30I couldn't get used to this.
31:32It's just me and you, fella.
31:37Look at the state of me.
31:39P-A-R-T-Y, because I'm gonna!
31:44Joe!
31:45But we've only just tried getting to know each other, Joe!
31:50You're just a freak.
31:52Like me.
31:53Let's put him out of his misery, and let him know the final game is on its way.
31:58Beautiful.
32:01Hello, teams.
32:02It's almost time for our finale.
32:03Sadly, we're not playing Give Myself the Shits on national TV, because that would be just
32:07too easy for you, Joe.
32:09We've got to win this last game, right?
32:12Yeah.
32:13I feel like you're on a slump.
32:15I feel like I need to gear you out.
32:17I'm on a slump.
32:18Are you having a fucking laugh?
32:19You're just lying in bed!
32:21Crap it!
32:22I'm holding your belly!
32:23I'm holding your belly!
32:25We didn't fight!
32:26That's awesome!
32:27We didn't fight!
32:28You've been the dream.
32:29It's really been really, really nice.
32:31They seem so stressful and toxic, and they're just, like, pooping.
32:34I did fart once, and I'm so sorry about it.
32:36Yeah.
32:37They gave me a heads up, like, I moved away, and, like, it was all, like, really respectful.
32:41I'm sorry.
32:42I don't know what happened.
32:43Could the harmony inside Blue Box give them the edge in our final game?
32:47Or will the orange team win through sheer desperation?
32:50The time has come to find out.
32:53This is it.
32:54For a day and a night, you've been confined to the box.
32:56Right now, the only way out is through a test of your mental fortitude.
32:59Stand back and get ready to play.
33:03Booby Boxes.
33:07In front of each of our teams are six boxes with six statements.
33:12Three of them are true and contain keys.
33:15The other three are false and contain booby traps.
33:18The first team to find all three keys can unlock the door and escape.
33:22However, if they open three booby traps, it's an automatic loss,
33:27and the other team go free.
33:30Orange team, as you're currently in the lead with the biggest box,
33:33you get to pick first.
33:36This one I've heard before.
33:37You know this.
33:38Well, I've heard it.
33:39I trust you.
33:40That's brilliant.
33:41Only 50% of people can hum what's holding their nose.
33:44We can put that to the test.
33:45I think no-one can hum holding their nose.
33:48I think that's...
33:49That's false.
33:50False.
33:51False.
33:52Because we just did it.
33:53That's 100%.
33:54Exactly.
33:55Brilliant.
33:56Orange team, pick a box.
33:57I think Freddie Mercury for extra teeth...
33:58Because you know this.
33:59Well, I think this is true.
34:00Okay.
34:01God damn it, I can't handle the stress.
34:02One, two, three.
34:04Key cards, key cards, key cards.
34:07They picked it right, yeah.
34:09That's one key down.
34:10Blue team, your turn to pick.
34:12This is just really the time when you think, I just wish I knew more facts.
34:14Yeah.
34:15Like, I just wish that I was the person that, like, knew facts.
34:17We can't change that type of stuff.
34:18I can't change the person I am right now.
34:20You can't change, not right now.
34:21I've been in a box for hours.
34:22This is not the time.
34:23It's not the time.
34:24Salvador Dali designed the Chupa Chupa, Chupa Chups, Chupa Chups logo.
34:29True.
34:30See, I was confident, but then you can't even say it.
34:33Orange Smarties don't taste of orange.
34:35I think they do taste of orange.
34:36Like, I'm not, like, a taste expert, but I think they taste of orange.
34:40Okay, then we don't go for that.
34:42Blue team, pick a box.
34:44I think we go for the...
34:45I'm backing you.
34:46Salvador Dali designed the Chupa Chups...
34:49Chups.
34:50Chupa Chups.
34:54Yes!
34:55Oh, my God!
34:56Sorry, sorry, I just heard that noise.
34:58It's all right.
34:59Damn!
35:00What's up?
35:01It scared the shit out of me.
35:03Sorry.
35:04So that's one key each.
35:05Orange team, your turn to pick.
35:07I've done a bit of filming at the Olympic Stadium.
35:10Brilliant.
35:11Back in the day.
35:12Brilliant.
35:13I think it's the biker drone, the cycling diamond.
35:14Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember the pringle.
35:15It's the pink pringle shape.
35:16And I don't know about the hyperbolic paraboloid, but I know it sounded a lot like that.
35:21Okay.
35:22Orange team, pick a box.
35:23The shape of a pringle is a hyperbolic paraboloid.
35:26I'm 80% confident.
35:27Okay.
35:28Ready?
35:31Woo-hoo!
35:32Oh!
35:33Come on, baby!
35:34The relief!
35:35The relief!
35:36Blue team, your turn to pick a box.
35:38Okay, are there any of these that you know to be true for definite?
35:41No.
35:43Brilliant.
35:44Did you hear that?
35:45They don't know any for definite, whereas we've got you.
35:49I think Australia is wider than the moon.
35:52Like...
35:53You think it is?
35:54I don't know.
35:55I've never seen them next to each other.
35:56And what?
35:57Only four words in the English language, end deuce.
36:00It'll take a tremendous effort to get this.
36:03Could that be it?
36:04Do?
36:05End deuce.
36:06Horrendous if it blows up in their face.
36:08Can you think of a single word that ends in deuce?
36:10It's been a stupendous performance so far.
36:13Okay, we're going for only four words in the English language, end deuce.
36:17It's a jeopardous game, this.
36:23I'm jealous!
36:26And opening it has proved hazardous.
36:28Yes!
36:29I'm so upset.
36:31Orange team, your turn to pick a box.
36:33Wow.
36:34Okay, so, only 50% of people.
36:36I'll remind you, if this one's a key, you've won the game.
36:38Okay.
36:39But they're going to get it wrong.
36:41Go like this.
36:44And I think Danny DeVito is definitely about four foot something.
36:47How big could a penguin be?
36:49I've never seen that.
36:50How big could a penguin be?
36:51I can imagine a quite big, don't you mind?
36:56But is it bigger than a human being?
36:59Orange team, pick a box.
37:00A very unique human being.
37:02Oh, for f...
37:03No, don't, I...
37:05If this one's a key, you win the game.
37:09Let's just go with this one.
37:10All right, then.
37:11Come on, then.
37:12Ready?
37:13Yeah.
37:14Oh!
37:15Yes, they're going to hit the fucking devil!
37:17Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
37:18You ninker poop!
37:20Blue team, your turn to pick a box.
37:22Sloth stuff, what do you know?
37:24So, I did mastermind on sloths.
37:26I studied sloths for, like, months.
37:28Okay.
37:29There's something about their breath.
37:30I feel like it's true.
37:31Blue team, pick a box.
37:32A sloth can hold its breath longer than a dolphin.
37:36Yes!
37:37Yes!
37:38We got it!
37:39That's good.
37:40That's really good.
37:41That's really good.
37:42We're back in the game.
37:43We're back in the game.
37:44Orange team, your turn to pick.
37:45Okay, so we've got two keys.
37:47We've got one wrong.
37:48Let's just get this key.
37:49The lighter was invented before the match, right?
37:50Yeah.
37:51Cowboy and Indian films, western movies.
37:52It's just matches.
37:53It's all matches.
37:54No one's giving anyone a light in a cowboy film.
37:55So, let's go for this one, then.
37:56Think about it.
37:57I don't think they get any sun in the winter or certain parts of the year.
37:58Okay.
37:59So, the only light that's coming off of that, I think...
38:00And if you just stayed there, in the same spot, you could potentially get burnt.
38:01I'm up for it.
38:02Like, there's stupidity as good as this far.
38:03We just need it to get us a bit further.
38:04Orange team, pick a box.
38:05Right, people in green.
38:06Let's just get this key.
38:07Let's just get this key.
38:08The lighter was invented before the match, right?
38:09Yeah.
38:10Cowboy and Indian films, western movies.
38:11In the same spot, you could potentially get burnt.
38:14I'm up for it.
38:15Like, there's stupidity as good as this far.
38:16Yeah.
38:17We just need it to get us a bit further.
38:18Orange team, pick a box.
38:20Right, people in Greenland can suffer moon burn in winter.
38:24Yes, they can.
38:25Yes, they can.
38:26Okay.
38:27Yes, they can!
38:28Bullshit!
38:29I don't...
38:32You're convincing.
38:33You!
38:34Give me the whole spill about the fucking cowboys!
38:37That astonishing bit of stupidity has thrown a lifeline to the blue team.
38:42Can they find their last key and escape the box?
38:45Between this is bullshit.
38:48This, probably not.
38:51So, probably this one.
38:54Moon burn?
38:55What the hell were we thinking?
38:58I'll remind you, if this one's a key, you've won the game.
39:00Yes.
39:01Oh, shit.
39:02Thank you, Jimmy.
39:03Thank you, Jimmy.
39:04Okay.
39:05The blue gradient is wider than the moon.
39:07We pick it up together.
39:08Yes!
39:14Yes!
39:15Yes!
39:16Yes!
39:17Yes!
39:18Blue team wins.
39:20Yay.
39:22They're trapped in here.
39:24And if you're wondering where orange team's final key was hiding,
39:27it was here, Brightspark.
39:29The lighter was invented before the match.
39:31What happens to us, Jimmy?
39:33Just let us know what happens to us.
39:35I know what happens to us.
39:37I sulk.
39:39As a further punishment for losing, Harriet and Lara now get to push the wall all the way into orange team's half of the box.
39:46Okay.
39:47You ready?
39:48You ready to get squished, boys?
39:49Wait, wait, wait.
39:50I blame you for this, mate.
39:51You thought Daddy DeVito was shorter than the penguin?
39:52It's coming.
39:53Okay.
39:54Bring on the wall.
39:55Oh, this is good.
39:56This is one way of tidying up.
39:57This is so good.
39:59Joe, what are you doing?
40:00You nearly killed Joe.
40:01It's beautiful.
40:02Yeah, it's amazing.
40:03Congratulations, blue team.
40:04You are the winners.
40:05Grab what you can and leave the box.
40:06Biscuit, cat.
40:07You'll miss me, but that's Stockholm Syndrome for you.
40:08Yes, yes.
40:09Yes.
40:10We're both going to need therapy, I think.
40:11Yeah.
40:12We needed it anyway, so...
40:13Oh, my God.
40:14I'm going to need therapy for you.
40:15Oh, my God.
40:16This is so good.
40:17This is so good.
40:18Joe, what are you doing?
40:19You nearly killed Joe.
40:20It's beautiful.
40:21Yeah, it's amazing.
40:23Congratulations, blue team.
40:25You are the winners.
40:26Grab what you can and leave the box.
40:29Biscuit, cat.
40:30You'll miss me, but that's Stockholm Syndrome for you.
40:33Yes, yes.
40:34We're both going to need therapy, I think, but...
40:37Yeah.
40:38We needed it anyway, so...
40:40Oh, great.
40:41Great.
40:42So I'm stuck in a...
40:43I'm stuck in a tiny room with a man who's got severe ADHD and the flu.
40:49Brilliant.
40:50Thanks, everyone.
40:51I'm ill and going insane.
40:53Do you honestly think it's been a fucking barrel of laughs
40:56for me stuck in here with you?
41:01Thanks, Jimmy.
41:02Thank you, Jimmy.
41:03Never again.
41:05And we'll go now.
41:06Yeah.
41:07This box.
41:10It's green.
41:11It's green.
41:14Oh, my God.
41:17Wow.
41:18Yeah.
41:20This air is so fresh.
41:23I can actually breathe.
41:25I forgot what air was like.
41:27I can't believe how...
41:28Oh, now I get to see how tiny.
41:30Oh, my God.
41:31They're room is so disgusting.
41:33are you going yeah are you taking the massage gun what is this and we wish you the best of luck
41:40you should be quarantined together there's something disgusting there's something bad
41:44happening in here bye stay man and the best of luck stay see i should have been partnered with
41:52one of them instead of you well now what they've got to let us out sooner or later i've got to do
42:03the school run after a day and a night locked inside the box harry and lara get their first
42:09taste of freedom i just can't believe we won it just like when we saw that we were up against
42:13those morons i was like we we've got to win this like if we don't like what does that say about us
42:18it was so endlessly long it was psychologically and emotionally and physically damaging what words
42:24end in dues do you know horrendous horrendous but there's so many words that end in due horrendous
42:32horrendous no that's splendid for example splendid 10 green bottles sitting on the wall 10 green
42:43bottles sitting on the wall and if one green bottle should accidentally fall
42:50there'll be nine green balls sitting on the wall
42:53help me
42:56well after a day and a night the battle is over aria and lara will return to their homes victorious
43:04and as for the losers well next time you're outside a big yellow storage center and you hear distant
43:10screaming spare a thought for sean and joe i'll see you next time for more battle in the box
43:40you
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