- 2 days ago
Would I Lie to You? - Season 19 Episode 1 -
Julie Hesmondhalgh, Chris McCausland, Yinka Bokinni, Harriet Kemsley
Julie Hesmondhalgh, Chris McCausland, Yinka Bokinni, Harriet Kemsley
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00:00MUSIC
00:18Good evening, welcome to What I Lied To You,
00:21the show with tall tales and tantalising truths.
00:24On Lee Mack's team tonight, from Coronation Street to the post office,
00:28it's the wonderful Julie Hesmanhaus.
00:34And she's a DJ, a presenter, a filmmaker, it's Yinka Bikini.
00:43And on David Mitchell's team tonight, will she be the last one laughing?
00:48It's comedian Harriet Kemsley.
00:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:53And stand up for Strictly Champion, Chris McCausland.
00:58LAUGHTER
01:03So, to round one, home truths, where our panellists read out a statement
01:06from the card in front of them.
01:08To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
01:11so they've no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:13It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:17Julie, you're first up tonight.
01:20I once put on two stone in three months for an acting role,
01:25only for the project to get cancelled.
01:28Oh, David.
01:29What was the project? What was the role?
01:31So, it was a Channel 5 drama, comedy drama,
01:37called Fatty and Thinny.
01:40LAUGHTER
01:43It was very good, actually.
01:44It was a very good script.
01:45Yes.
01:46And the premise of it was...
01:47It sounds good. It sounds quite sophisticated.
01:50The premise was a sort of seaside postcard kind of couple,
01:53and so she was a sort of, like, big lady,
01:55and he was a tiny little skinny man.
01:57What did you do to put on the weight?
01:59Well, it was amazing.
02:00It was the most wonderful few weeks of my life.
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05I just ate whatever I wanted,
02:06and I have an insatiable appetite.
02:08Ice cream?
02:09Ice cream.
02:10Bread.
02:11Donuts, bread.
02:12Bread till it was coming out my ears.
02:14Are you learning your lines at this stage?
02:16Erm...
02:17She's eating them!
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20Whatever happened to Fatty and Thinny?
02:22Well, the project just went under, as it sometimes does.
02:25Chris McCausland, what do you think?
02:27I'm inclined to believe this.
02:28Erm...
02:29Because?
02:30Fatty and Thinny, she came up with that quite quick.
02:32Yeah.
02:33Yes, she did come up with Fatty and Thinny quite quickly,
02:35but the card said she had to put on weight for a roll,
02:38and what she came up with quickly was the roll of Fatty.
02:43And, in a sense, I mean, I'm not saying it isn't impressive,
02:48but it's a believable level of invention.
02:51Yeah.
02:52I think it's a lie.
02:54What do you think, Dave?
02:55Well, I think it's a lie.
02:56I must say, I love the way that Chris just referred to you as Dave.
02:59Oh.
03:00Oh.
03:01Because you're not a Dave, are you?
03:03Oh, I don't often get called Dave, but I don't mind.
03:05No.
03:06Well, you can see why.
03:07Now...
03:08LAUGHTER
03:09Not because, because...
03:11You look, Chris, if you could see me, you'd never call me Dave.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Oh, no.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:17Because I've got the word David tattooed over my face.
03:21LAUGHTER
03:23They think it's a lie.
03:25Was it a lie or were you telling the truth?
03:27It's a lie.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29APPLAUSE
03:31It's a lie.
03:32Julie didn't put on two stone for an acting role.
03:37Chris, you're next.
03:38OK.
03:39There you go.
03:40OK.
03:41Cheers.
03:42On a recent visit to the Liverpool team's training ground,
03:47I went in goal and saved a penalty from Mo Salah.
03:52LAUGHTER
03:53And do you know what?
03:55It's more ludicrous that you would do that, David.
03:58LAUGHTER
04:00We all know who Mo Salah is, right?
04:02Yes.
04:03Yes.
04:04I don't.
04:05Well, he's a footballer for Liverpool.
04:06A very good footballer for Liverpool.
04:08In fact, so good...
04:09Yeah.
04:10..I would fancy his chances of scoring a penalty against anybody
04:15and Chris has saved it.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:18So, Chris, I know you want David to carry on with this,
04:21but you're going to have to take over now.
04:22LAUGHTER
04:25So, what were you doing at...
04:26Was it at Anfield, did you say?
04:28No, it was at a training.
04:29They've got, like, a charity foundation.
04:31And, you know, obviously, being somebody from Liverpool,
04:34Liverpool fan, I was invited along to do some work with them.
04:37So, how did you end up in goal?
04:39Well, it...
04:40Because, obviously, it's funny, isn't it?
04:41You know?
04:42LAUGHTER
04:44And, erm, people are like,
04:46I might know this, but I'm a comedian.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:51LAUGHTER
04:52We just thought it'd be funny if I was in goal
04:54against literally the best player in the world.
04:57Did he give you a clue?
04:58I mean, he hit one down the middle,
05:00and I stayed in the middle.
05:01LAUGHTER
05:03Did he hit the full one in the face?
05:05No, no, no, no, no, no.
05:07I kind of put me hands up.
05:10But I didn't move.
05:11And you had no clue he was going to do that?
05:13We did a few penalties.
05:14Oh.
05:15What number of penalty was this?
05:16648!
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18Day seven!
05:20LAUGHTER
05:22He took five penalties.
05:23One of them, I stayed in the middle.
05:25And, erm, coincidentally, he hit it down the middle,
05:27and I saved it.
05:28And did he score the other four?
05:30Of course he did!
05:31He's Mo Salah!
05:32LAUGHTER
05:33If this is false, that is so funny.
05:37You know when I say it's so funny that you can't laugh?
05:40LAUGHTER
05:42That's what I tell myself on some gigs.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:46So is he either true, or he's a really good comedian?
05:49I think it's probably true.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:53Right, Lee, what are you going to say as team captain?
05:55I don't know, I'm torn here, because he would definitely,
05:57particularly post-Strictly, be invited to the Liverpool training.
06:01Yeah. Definitely.
06:02What bit about this aren't you getting, though, Lee?
06:04What's not selling it for you?
06:05Er, the bit where you said that you saved a penalty against Mo Salah.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:10Come on, then, time to go for your decision.
06:13Do you think it's true?
06:14True.
06:15Come on, we'll go true.
06:16They're saying it's true.
06:17Chris, was it true, or was it a lie?
06:20I don't know where my buzzer is.
06:23LAUGHTER
06:24Wait, wait, wait, wait, we changed our lives!
06:26We changed our lives!
06:27We changed our lives!
06:29It's a lie.
06:30Oh, my God!
06:31APPLAUSE
06:33Yes, it's a lie.
06:35Chris didn't save a penalty for Mo Salah.
06:38Harriet, you're next.
06:39I once broke up with someone because he wouldn't stop saying,
06:45get in, after accomplishing simple tasks.
06:49LAUGHTER
06:50Please, team.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:53How long were you with him for?
06:54Erm, three months.
06:56When did you notice the get in?
06:58When was the first time you noticed it?
06:59So he screwed up, like, some rubbish, and then he threw it at a rubbish bin and then he went, get in!
07:05And you obviously didn't pick him up on this straight away? You let him go?
07:08No, at first I was like, oh, that's endearing, you know? Like, he just really liked saying get in.
07:13Right.
07:14He said get in, but he'd already got in.
07:16Sorry, why are you getting involved?
07:17Sorry, why are you getting involved?
07:18I'm just...
07:20He didn't say get in as it were to it, to get in.
07:23It's not like golf where you go get in the hole.
07:25It's they do a thing, get in as in didn't I do well.
07:28It's very annoying, isn't it? It's got in and then he says get in.
07:32Why?
07:33You don't think it'd be more irritating to go, went in.
07:37Well, I don't know, but it would make more sense.
07:41Let me ask you, grammatically, did he get it in or did he got it in?
07:45He got it in, but did he got it in is not the right way of saying it.
07:48Precisely, so get in works very well.
07:50I think we should get on with it.
07:52Get in.
07:56Now, Harriet, give us some other examples of things he would do that would warrant a get in.
08:01Well, like, if he went outside and it wasn't raining, he'd go like, get in!
08:06Wow.
08:07Even though he's just got out?
08:09LAUGHTER
08:11Maybe it was a genuine, like, a worry for your welfare and he was just going, get in.
08:16He did say, like, get in.
08:18Like, if you needed to get in the car, he'd say, get in.
08:20I mean, that's the thing to finish with him for.
08:22If you go to the car and he goes, get in.
08:24LAUGHTER
08:25Then you really need to finish with him.
08:28Especially when he's just opened the boots.
08:30LAUGHTER
08:33What was the final get in that broke your camel's back?
08:37It's a bit upsetting.
08:39He worried that he had had an accident.
08:42What?
08:43You mean in his pants?
08:45Yeah.
08:46And then he changed and he had no way to get in.
08:49LAUGHTER
08:51Oh, my God!
08:52Why did you finish with him? He sounds like a real catch!
08:55LAUGHTER
09:00Can I just say, Harriet, this better be true, cos if it's a lie, what is wrong with you?
09:05LAUGHTER
09:07Talk about taking joy from the sporting delight!
09:12LAUGHTER
09:13I haven't wet myself!
09:14Get in!
09:15LAUGHTER
09:16LAUGHTER
09:17LAUGHTER
09:18LAUGHTER
09:20LAUGHTER
09:21LAUGHTER
09:22I know, it's like, I can't...
09:24He did it in front of you!
09:25LAUGHTER
09:26All right, it's like something from Jane Austen.
09:31LAUGHTER
09:32But is it true, Julie?
09:35Oh, my God, this sounds true to me.
09:37Oh, it's traumatic.
09:39I think he sounds nice.
09:40He's, like, full of joie de vivre.
09:42The thing is, there'll be some wife sat next to him on a sofa,
09:45no idea, and then go...
09:47LAUGHTER
09:48LAUGHTER
09:49I think it has to be true.
09:52I just feel like you'd date someone like that.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:55Two truths, what are you going to say, Lee?
09:57Oh, my God, anybody else that has said,
09:59no way would you date a man like that.
10:01Harriet, she's dated a man who's looked at his own underpants
10:04and said, get in.
10:05So you're saying it's true.
10:06They think it's true, Harriet.
10:08Is it true or is it just a lie?
10:10It is a lie.
10:12LAUGHTER
10:13Yes, it's a lie.
10:22Harriet didn't break up with someone who kept saying, get in.
10:26Our next round is called This Is My,
10:28where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection
10:30to one of our panellists.
10:32This week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them
10:34that has the genuine connection to the guest.
10:36It's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
10:39So please welcome this week's special guest, Jillian.
10:42APPLAUSE
10:43So, Yinka, what is Jillian to you?
10:45This is Jillian.
10:46She once called into my radio show to remind me
10:47that I had a dental appointment.
10:48LAUGHTER
10:49Julie, how do you know Jillian?
10:50This is Jillian.
10:51This is Jillian.
10:52She once called into my radio show to remind me that I had a dental appointment.
10:56LAUGHTER
10:57Julie, how do you know Jillian?
10:58This is Jillian.
10:59When I was on Coronation Street, she had to walk me to the canteen hundreds of times
11:04because I could never remember the way.
11:07LAUGHTER
11:08Now then, Lee, what's your relationship with Jillian?
11:10This is my wellness guru, Jillian.
11:12We once had a ding-dong when she said that I bonged her gong wrong.
11:17LAUGHTER
11:18LAUGHTER
11:19So there we have it.
11:20David's team, where will you begin?
11:21OK.
11:22So, Yinka, explain how this happened about the dentist appointment.
11:34So, I used to do the breakfast show on Capital Extra.
11:37Yeah.
11:38Which was...
11:39He knows that.
11:40My number one listener over there, Dave.
11:42LAUGHTER
11:43APPLAUSE
11:46Jillian is the receptionist at my dentist,
11:49and, annoyingly, my dental appointments kept getting scheduled
11:53while I was at work and I had already missed two
11:56and she called up Capital Extra because she knows that I work there
12:00and my producer thought it would be funny to put her live on air.
12:04You're expecting callers?
12:06Yeah, we were, like, maybe laughing at...
12:08Let's just say Stormzy's shoes.
12:09LAUGHTER
12:10She means Stormzy's, the singer, shoes.
12:12Yes.
12:13She doesn't mean Stormzy's shoes like Wellies, David.
12:15OK.
12:16LAUGHTER
12:17We said, hello, call out, where you calling from, what's your name?
12:21And then she was like,
12:22it's Jillian from your dentist office, you've got a hygiene appointment.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27And you were literally missing it at that point.
12:30Yeah.
12:31What sort of a presenter are you?
12:33Because we're all a bit different, aren't we?
12:35When you inevitably end up on Classic FM.
12:39No, not you, Harriet.
12:40LAUGHTER
12:42I'm talking to Dave.
12:44I asked David once whether he listens to music and he says,
12:48not really, it's just something that happens around me like the weather.
12:52LAUGHTER
12:54APPLAUSE
12:56All right, so you have the conversation...
13:01Yeah, so I was like, have I missed my appointment?
13:04And she was like, yeah, it was at nine o'clock.
13:06And I was like, oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, can I re-book it?
13:10And then...
13:11And live on air.
13:12This is on air.
13:13OK.
13:14Why do you keep making appointments for when you are on the radio?
13:17Yes.
13:18I'm just really bad at that sort of stuff.
13:20When I was making that appointment, I just said yes.
13:22I was like, yeah, that's fine.
13:23And I wasn't really considering the time.
13:26And then, unluckily, it was both at a time you couldn't do
13:29and you never checked when it was.
13:31And that happened twice.
13:33So that very unlikely thing happened twice.
13:36It wasn't very unlikely, it's just what happened.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:43It was very unlikely.
13:44No.
13:45But not impossible.
13:46I think one interesting thing is,
13:49Gillian hasn't opened her mouth once.
13:52You do know she's not meant to talk.
13:54It would be a more weird look to go.
13:57LAUGHTER
14:00Oh, she opened her mouth for a second there.
14:03Did you see teeth?
14:04She's got great teeth.
14:05But whether or not she had teeth...
14:07LAUGHTER
14:08Oh, no, no, that would be relevant.
14:10I'm not sure if it would be an acceptable reason
14:13for officially denying employment.
14:15But the dental practice might think it was the wrong look.
14:19LAUGHTER
14:20There's a thing, does Gillian look like the kind of person
14:23that would work in a dental surgery, David.
14:25She looks like the kind of person
14:26that would have a ding-dong if you bonged her gong wrong.
14:28LAUGHTER
14:29David, who would you like to speak to next?
14:32We'll go with Julie next.
14:34OK.
14:35Julie, just remind us.
14:36Yes, so this is Gillian and when I was in Corrie,
14:40she walked me to the canteen hundreds of times
14:43because I could never remember my way there.
14:46How far was the canteen from the set?
14:50Well, the set was in a different building to the canteen,
14:52so you'd have to leave Coronation Street through a door,
14:56down a series of very labyrinthine corridors.
15:01Do you have a bad sense of direction?
15:03A very, very bad sense of direction.
15:06That was a wise answer at that point.
15:09LAUGHTER
15:10No, I'm brilliant.
15:11Never have to show me twice.
15:13LAUGHTER
15:14So you would say that's canning.
15:16How long was you on Coronation Street for?
15:1816 years.
15:19When did you leave?
15:20Uh, 20...
15:2213.
15:23So what was Gillian's role on the show,
15:25other than showing you to lunch?
15:27Gillian, um, is a make-up artist.
15:30When I first met her, she was a trainee,
15:32and then over my 16 years, she worked away through the ranks.
15:35So you first met her 16 years,
15:37from when you first began?
15:39Yes.
15:40So 16 add 12.
15:4128.
15:4228 minus her age.
15:45Hang on, what?
15:47LAUGHTER
15:49What you're saying is if it's 16 years before 2013...
15:52If she started in 2013 and then it's 16 years before that,
15:56then this lady is older than she looks.
15:59LAUGHTER
16:01No, that's true.
16:02She wasn't there for the whole time.
16:03Can you remember what year Gillian started?
16:07Possibly 2001.
16:09OK, so then we've got...
16:11So we've got...
16:12We've moved the one and then it's 20...
16:14LAUGHTER
16:15Why are you moving the one?
16:17I think it's simpler than you think.
16:20LAUGHTER
16:2124 years ago.
16:2324 years ago.
16:24It need to be what?
16:25At least 24.
16:26LAUGHTER
16:27She wouldn't have to be 24, she's going to be 20.
16:31But then she's a baby.
16:33What?
16:34LAUGHTER
16:36We're not 20 now!
16:38LAUGHTER
16:39If she was 20 now, she'd be minus four then.
16:42LAUGHTER
16:44Surely when lunch is called on the Coronation Street set,
16:47aren't lots of you going to lunch?
16:49The thing is, is I had a wig in Coronation Street, so...
16:53No-one recognised you.
16:55No, no, no, no.
16:56LAUGHTER
16:57So I would go to the make-up room and take my wig off.
17:00Just for lunch?
17:01Yeah.
17:02She'd have a burger for lunch, not the wig.
17:04LAUGHTER
17:05And when I came out, Jillian would be the one intercepting me.
17:08All right, now then.
17:09What about Lee?
17:11Yeah, no, that's not true.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13Sorry.
17:14Lee, remind us of your claim.
17:17Er, this is my wellness guru, Jillian.
17:20And we once got in a ding-dong when she said,
17:23I bonged her gong-rong.
17:25LAUGHTER
17:26Why do you consult a wellness guru?
17:29Because this comes at a price.
17:31LAUGHTER
17:33What is the price?
17:35LAUGHTER
17:39The price is going regularly to my wellness guru.
17:43I don't want to know why you consulted a wellness guru
17:45and what the wellness guru did for you.
17:48Well, I've reached a certain age where I thought,
17:50I'm going to start looking after myself.
17:51Because a few weeks ago, as you know, I hit 40,
17:54and I thought it's...
17:55LAUGHTER
17:56Well, you know, it's like,
17:57David, you're two years older than me,
17:58and it's time to look after yourself.
18:00I'm not.
18:01I'm not, by the way.
18:02I know I look at it and seem it and everything,
18:04but I'm younger.
18:05So, there.
18:06LAUGHTER
18:07Anyway, so, yes, I decided I was going to start looking
18:10after myself, taking care of myself.
18:12What are you doing to take care of yourself?
18:14She does the oils, the grounding...
18:16What's grounding, Lee?
18:17Grounding is when you take your shoes and socks off
18:20and you stand on the grass, and now I describe it,
18:23I am being conned, aren't I?
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25What oils are they?
18:27Lavender.
18:28It's my favourite.
18:29LAUGHTER
18:30I like the...
18:31I like the citrus one.
18:32Name one more oil.
18:33Citrus?
18:34Name one more.
18:35Vegetable.
18:36LAUGHTER
18:37LAUGHTER
18:38Are these...
18:39Are these solo lessons, Lee, or are you...?
18:40No, they're quite high up.
18:41Mmm...
18:42Erm, no, they're...
18:43Are you in a group of other desperate men?
18:44No.
18:45There's about 40 people in the class, but this particular class
18:47is called the gong bath.
18:48Is this like a sound bath?
18:49Correct.
18:50Gillian's the gong banger, and we are the clients.
18:52And I've always wanted to bang that gong.
18:53Yes.
18:54Because the gong is massive.
18:55So, what happened to cause the ding-dab?
18:56Because I said to her, Gillian, is there any possibility
18:57that one week I could bang the gong?
18:58LAUGHTER
18:59And Gillian said, why not?
19:00It was half an hour in, everyone was in a very meditative state.
19:01It was half an hour in, everyone was in a very meditative state.
19:03It was half an hour in, everyone was in a very meditative state.
19:04It was half an hour in, everyone was in a very meditative state.
19:06And she gives me the nudge, and very precautious, aren't I?
19:07So, I...
19:08Precautious?
19:09Yes.
19:10Precautious?
19:11Yes.
19:12Do you mean, just cautious?
19:13I was walking to her thinking, I'd better be cautious,
19:16you know, and then I'd better be cautious.
19:17And then I'd better go into that gong.
19:18And then I'd better go into that gong.
19:19Because the gong is massive.
19:20So, what happened to cause the ding-dab?
19:21Because I said to her, Gillian, is there any possibility
19:22that one week I could bang the gong?
19:23And Gillian said, why not?
19:24It was half an hour in, everyone was in a very meditative state.
19:26And she gives me the nudge, and, um, I'm very precautious, aren't
19:28I, so I...
19:29I mean, do you mean just cautious I
19:33Was walking to her thinking I'd better be cautious when I get there. Yeah, I was pre-cautious
19:43Went it up to her I was in full cautious mode
19:47In the present sense cautious
19:52Boom I hit it perfectly sweet spot right in the middle
19:56She's happy and I'd give it one of those touch my hand on it, don't I so it's gone
20:09She's had a right ding dong, but it was a whispered ding dong cuz everyone was meditative, right?
20:14So so she said what you're doing and you said what are you doing?
20:21Is a wellness guru shouting at me in a whispered voice
20:24I'd say that's cause for what are you doing?
20:31People meditating we're trying to be spiritual. You're a guru
20:36And how was it resolved when everyone went out she said I knew I shouldn't have let you out ago and I said well
20:41You know you did and you need to calm down a bit if you're a spiritual guru, so I'm not my wellness guru
20:46I said yeah, sorry. I forgot what I read out
20:48She ended up getting me by my feet swinging me around and using me head against the gong
20:55All right, we need an answer is Jillian
20:58Yinka's phone-in friend Julie's canteen companion or Lee's peeved pal
21:03I mean, what do you think about Lee's story? Let's just there's the most recent one
21:07It has all the makings of a story and that it has words and
21:14Apart from that, I don't know if he is well
21:22I mean I can take it from anybody else
21:24Of the other two what what are we thinking? I think Yinka is more believable as a thing that happened than Julie
21:35Yeah, I just think you'd learn the way wouldn't you or you'd start taking a sandwich
21:44Why does she keep making appointments for the same time as she's on live radio?
21:48Yeah, to the point where the receptionist has become so infuriated. She's rung in and told her live on air
21:56She's only stood there now to tell her she's got an appointment this evening
22:01What do you think I don't know if she has teeth?
22:08Who do you think is telling the truth?
22:10Oh, I don't know about that
22:14I'm going to give you a minute. Chris, do you think it's Yinka?
22:16Well, do you know what? There was about two-thirds of the way through Lee's where I was thinking I can't believe I'm believing Lee here
22:22The Dong Wash thing is a thing. He's coming up with words like he means them
22:26I can't bring myself to say that I think it's Lee
22:30But do you think it's Lee?
22:32Just nod if you think it's Lee
22:33If you think it's Lee
22:38Chris thinks it's Lee, so this is unprecedented territory
22:43Well, now I'm wondering if it is Lee
22:47OK, we'll go Lee
22:49You're serious?
22:51Sorry, what do you mean? Are you serious?
22:54You said you thought it was Lee, I'm agreeing with you
22:56Could they all know the same woman?
22:58I'm going to say it's Lee
22:59You're saying it's Lee? OK, Jillian, would you please reveal your truth?
23:13She's got teeth!
23:17I'm Jillian, and I used to escort Julie to and from the Corrie canteen
23:22Yes, Jillian is Julie's canteen companion. Thank you very much, Jillian!
23:35Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lives. We start with...
23:40It's David
23:45Recently, at mealtimes, I've been getting more pleasure than I should
23:49from pretending to have finished my pudding
23:52Then, when Victoria finishes hers, I can reveal I still have a lot of mine left
24:00These two!
24:04The last time you did this, what was the pudding?
24:06It was rice pudding, actually
24:08How are you hiding the rice pudding?
24:10We quite often have dinner watching telly
24:13Yeah?
24:14And I just put it on the table next to me
24:15It's obscured by a bit of the sofa
24:18You're right?
24:19Let's imagine, David, for a second
24:20Yes
24:21That Harriet is Victoria
24:23OK
24:24Show me how you pull the wool over her eyes
24:27We actually sit the other way round
24:28All right, go on then, let's make it real
24:30I'll be you and you be...
24:32No, no, no, Harriet will be of no use to us whatsoever
24:36What so ever
24:37OK
24:38Just change seats
24:39Change seats, OK
24:40Yes, we change seats
24:41Yeah, because it'll be easier for me to, you know, make it up
24:43I mean...
24:44Well, maybe you'll take the long way round
24:46You just do go through there, just...
24:48What are you doing?
24:50This is a much better option than having to pretend that I'm Victoria, David
24:54OK, so there you are
24:56Oh, God
24:57Now, what are you having tonight?
24:58I've never sat here in 19 years
25:01It's...
25:02Ha-ha, I'm the leader now
25:03Yeah
25:05What are you having to see?
25:06First of all, the pudding
25:07What's on the telly?
25:08Let's say on the telly
25:09It's like something with it
25:10Murder, like Morse
25:11Or Poirot
25:12Love a Poirot
25:14If you watch a Poirot
25:15And then money they've got just for period vehicles
25:18It's amazing
25:20Anyway, I'm going to say what we're having is like cheese cakey things
25:24But it's in a kind of ramekin
25:26Of course
25:27It's useful
25:28Pudding every night
25:29No
25:31No, two pudding's most nice
25:33LAUGHTER
25:35But this is a one pudding night
25:37OK
25:38I've had, let's say, 60% of the pudding
25:41You'd be eating yours as well, please
25:43Thank you
25:44And then I've just, watching the Poirot
25:46I just pop it on the table there
25:48There's a lamp there as well
25:49So, Victoria, Harriet
25:51Yes
25:52You've finished yours now
25:53Mmm
25:54Oh, lovely
25:55So nice we finished together
25:57And then you gazed across
25:58And then you gazed across
26:00LAUGHTER
26:01APPLAUSE
26:06Oh, my God
26:07Victoria has never said that
26:09LAUGHTER
26:11Oh, David
26:12This is...
26:13I'm sorry
26:14This isn't...
26:15This isn't nice
26:16LAUGHTER
26:17Now then
26:18At what point do you reach across
26:20And play your joker
26:22I just...
26:23Bring it back
26:24What?
26:25I know
26:26LAUGHTER
26:27Because it's a law of economics, isn't it?
26:29That I wait for an economic environment of greater scarcity
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33Of a certain commodity
26:34And therefore its value is elevated
26:36So what I'm eating is by definition better
26:39Than what was eaten earlier
26:41And is this what you say to her in the moment?
26:43LAUGHTER
26:45I know you just gave us like a real fiscal breakdown
26:48But why...
26:49Thank you
26:50And I am having one as well
26:51LAUGHTER
26:53Can I just say
26:54If this is true you've got to stop
26:55It's quite hurtful
26:56LAUGHTER
26:58I feel sad that you did this
26:59Right
27:00And I'm not even your wife
27:01LAUGHTER
27:02She says it's funny
27:03She says it shows what a character I am
27:06LAUGHTER
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08All right
27:09The roleplay is over
27:10Return to your seat
27:11Please
27:12And a round of applause for her
27:13Some lovely performers
27:14APPLAUSE
27:15Now
27:16Julie
27:17Julie
27:18What are you thinking?
27:20Is it the sort of thing he would do?
27:22I...I'd totally buy it
27:23You believe it?
27:24I think that's fun
27:25LAUGHTER
27:26What are you thinking, Yinka?
27:28Yeah...
27:29You strike me as the kind of guy who does that sort of stuff
27:31LAUGHTER
27:32So I'm going with my team and say it's true then
27:34OK, they think it's true
27:35David, was it true?
27:36Or was it a lie?
27:37It was, in fact, a lie
27:40Oh, no!
27:41It's a lie!
27:42APPLAUSE
27:43Yes, it's a lie
27:45David hasn't been playing with his pudding
27:48BUZZER
27:49And that noise signals time is up
27:51It's the end of the show
27:52I can reveal that David's team has won by four points to one
27:56Oh, yes!
27:57CHEERING
27:58That's all...
27:59Sorry, mate
28:00Thanks for watching
28:02We'll see you next time
28:03Good night
28:04APPLAUSE
28:09Relive New Year with The Jessops on iPlayer
28:11Comedy starring Alison Stedman
28:13A big party and a bucket
28:15And red means danger on BBC One
28:17There's a pretty big secret in the castle
28:19Watch your back, The Traitors is next
28:21APPLAUSE
28:22APPLAUSE
28:24APPLAUSE
28:26APPLAUSE
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