- 5 days ago
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00:00Slaps.
00:01What's that?
00:02When something's really good.
00:04I quite like that.
00:05That slaps.
00:06Whoa! That slaps, man.
00:08God, that girl's Peng.
00:09Peng's gone.
00:10What?
00:11It's Leng.
00:12If you're fit now, it's like, Alan, you're Leng.
00:15You're Leng.
00:16Am I ever going to find love on this island?
00:18I just don't think there's any gays.
00:20Maybe underground gays.
00:22Well, dead.
00:27Right, I'll get a shovel. Let's go on a dink.
00:29I want a dink.
00:36In the beautiful island of Corfu, Amanda and I are spending the summer renovating a family holiday home.
00:45We've completed nearly all of the rooms, and now we're taking on a space each.
00:51I'm doing up the bathroom.
00:55And I'm tackling the old landing.
00:59I was thinking, you know, to dip into the Greek culture, the cradle of learning.
01:06And I was thinking of having a reading room, a bit of a day bed.
01:09Oh.
01:10Yes.
01:11Yeah, and I just think books, and then maybe one of those busts of, like, a Greek god.
01:15You know, Hercules or something.
01:18What about Hercules lifting up the bunk bed?
01:20No.
01:21Can you imagine how amazing that would be to come in and then Hercules is like that?
01:26I want it to be full of books.
01:28I want a day bed.
01:30I want a ladder like you get in posh libraries.
01:33And I want it to be, like, full of philosophy and, you know, mythology and stuff like that.
01:38Real Greek centre of learning.
01:40And what are we going to do about this bathroom?
01:42Well, this is where I feel like we can go really Greek.
01:47Yeah.
01:48And I was thinking of a round bath, but I wondered about sort of mosaic tiling along the halfway so it looks very Greek.
01:58Yeah.
01:59Um, a chandelier.
02:02I mean, doesn't it just look a bit ostentatious?
02:05Amanda always has these grand plans and they get bigger and bigger and more fabulous.
02:12The potential for that to look awful is really high.
02:18Before we can start the interiors, we've got to knock down the internal wall.
02:22God.
02:23Dividing the spaces so a new solid one can be built.
02:26But Amanda's more concerned about fitting in her circular bath.
02:30Is this, um, is this floor coming up?
02:33We have to.
02:34Yes, good.
02:35I might need it to because I'm having a round bath.
02:38So we need to, to, yeah.
02:40So we need a strong floor.
02:41Because it's heavy, it's going to be heavy.
02:42Yes, it's going to be heavy.
02:43Why can't, why just have a normal bath?
02:45I want something different.
02:46Round is stupid.
02:47Bathrooms are my specialty.
02:49Round?
02:50It's quite plain.
02:51Where have you found that picture?
02:53Where is it?
02:54On my, it's on my mood board.
02:55Well, it's just the photo.
02:56It's AI.
03:01Look, Alan, please tell me, can you?
03:03I'm with Stamatic, this is AI.
03:05AI.
03:06That is not AI.
03:08I think the, the unicorn in the bath is a bit of a giveaway.
03:10Can't wait to see it.
03:11It will happen.
03:12It's yours.
03:13I have a vivid imagination and I, I have quite outlandish ideas, but I can see it all.
03:31It's going to work and it has to work.
03:33I'm just going to say this, I think there's more chance of a bus turning up at this bus stop than you get in around Blue Bath in Corfu.
03:41HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
03:42There, I've said it!
03:48In order to make my reading room a centre of learning,
03:58I've got to get to grips with Greek mythology.
04:02So I'm whisking Amanda away to Corfu's Achillian Palace for a research trip.
04:10God, stunning!
04:12Isn't it? Just look.
04:13Greek mythology has been around for over 3,000 years.
04:18These stories were an essential part of the ancient Greek's religion
04:21and are still reflected in the culture today.
04:25Now we need to learn a bit of...
04:26Let's feed our brains.
04:27...something, don't we?
04:29Inspired by the Greek gods, the palace was originally built in 1890
04:34by Empress Sisi of Austria.
04:37How are you?
04:37Hello.
04:38I'm Alan.
04:39I'm Amanda.
04:40My name is Napsika.
04:41Napsika.
04:42So shall we?
04:43Yes, yes.
04:48Wow, look at these statues.
04:52Isn't it impressive?
04:53Yeah.
04:55Sisi tragically lost her son and built the palace of her dreams
04:58as her refuge as well as a tribute to Greek mythology.
05:02OK, so as we go to the famous statue of Achilles...
05:05It's very homoerotic.
05:09It's a lovely bottom.
05:10It's too perfect.
05:12OK, so you know the story about how he became immortal?
05:15Almost.
05:16Didn't his mother hold him by the ankle and dip him into sticks?
05:19Is it the river?
05:20The river, yes.
05:21And because she was holding Achilles' heel,
05:23the whole body became immortal except of the heel.
05:26That is why that was his weak point.
05:28And when Paris, the kidnapper of Helen knew about the secret,
05:32the weak point of Achilles,
05:33so he aimed at his heel and with a poison arrow he killed him.
05:37Oh!
05:41So you know who this lady is?
05:44Is it Venus?
05:45Yes.
05:45Yes, it's Venus.
05:46She looks like Venus, but she's very famous.
05:49Frini was her name.
05:50Frini is such a pretty name.
05:52Yay.
05:52Frini, she was an escort.
05:56Ooh.
05:56No way.
05:57The escorts, they were known as aperes in ancient Greek.
06:01They were well-educated.
06:03They had the ability to talk about politics, philosophy, economy, arts.
06:08So they accompanied the very famous and politicians.
06:12Okay, men.
06:13Mm-hmm.
06:14Um, Frini, she was so beautiful and so clever.
06:17She charged huge amounts to men that she didn't like.
06:20Good girl.
06:20Or she would go for free with men that she liked.
06:23That's fair.
06:24Why do you think they made up these stories?
06:28It's much more interesting, if you think about it, to add some spiciness in your life.
06:32Yes.
06:32You know, all these stories.
06:33And in the past, people didn't travel at all.
06:35No, no, no.
06:36So they stayed forever in one place.
06:38Yeah.
06:38So they needed some, like, imagination and, you know, people that they shared stories.
06:43Yeah, they need to be entertained.
06:44Yeah.
06:44That's true.
06:47I loved every second of that.
06:48I just want all those stories to go into my head so I can remember them, so I can tell my kids.
06:53Listen, just go into my reading room.
06:55All the information's going to be there.
06:57I'm going to have little nods to this place in there.
06:59There's going to be a statue, a bus.
07:01There's going to be books about me.
07:02Is there going to be a statue?
07:03I might stick one of these in me bum bag and walk out.
07:07Oh, look at this.
07:08The ancient Greeks believed that they had to pray to the gods for help and protection,
07:13because if the gods were unhappy with someone, then they would punish them.
07:17The ancient city was built between the two high hills and was known as Corifo,
07:22and later became Porfou, which means the city of the hills.
07:27Ah, interesting.
07:29Let's hope the gods are smiling down on some of your design choices.
07:34Who's the god of bathrooms?
07:37Domestos.
07:41Oh, that god of toilets.
07:43Oh!
07:44That's good.
07:44That's so good.
07:47Well, Domestos has worked her magic, as despite the doubters, Stamatis has come up trumps.
07:53He's got one of his best builders, Adonis, to make my AI circular bath a reality.
08:03And today, it's arriving on site.
08:06This is a work of art.
08:11You've made a dream come true for this woman, because everybody said, it's AI.
08:16Did I say that?
08:17It's not real.
08:18It's not real.
08:19This is real.
08:22Adonis has lived up to his name.
08:24OK, so...
08:25We just have to...
08:26Can we pass through the door?
08:27...wheel this into there.
08:30That's it.
08:31You make that look easy.
08:33Yeah.
08:34I mean, look at this.
08:36Is it going to overtake the entire bathroom now?
08:38Now I'm going to see how big this is.
08:41Very big.
08:42Oh, yes.
08:43Look at this.
08:43Oh, my God, I'm going to get in the bath with a massive glass of wine.
08:49And look at next door's bougainvillea.
08:52And they can see you.
08:53Hello!
08:55Give the people what they want.
08:56Yeah.
09:00Luckily, my second showstopper for the bathroom has arrived today, too.
09:05I have got one piece of my chandelier.
09:10Now we need to make everything match with the thing, eh?
09:13Everything that sort of blue.
09:15Like, climb in.
09:16How big is that thing?
09:1755 centimetres.
09:19I need it to be so that you don't bash your head on it, but it needs to be quite low.
09:25Yeah, like that.
09:26Maybe a bit higher from the window.
09:27Yes.
09:28Yeah.
09:29OK.
09:31Interesting.
09:31Whilst Amanda lives in a world of artificial intelligence, I'm embracing tradition.
09:45I've come to Corfu town to hunt out some authentic Greek crafts to display in my reading room.
09:51There's everything in here.
09:52There's pots, there's handbags.
09:54And I've heard local artist Olga is the woman in the know.
09:58This is speaking my language.
10:02I've got a reading room, doing up a reading room.
10:05I just want objet d'art.
10:07I want interesting things, curiosities to put on the shelves that people will go, oh, I love that.
10:12Well, then here is your place.
10:14Yes.
10:15We have beautiful jewellery and pottery that I personally enjoy.
10:18That's my best thing in the whole world.
10:21This is perfect.
10:22This is perfect.
10:22Corfu actually has a very long tradition for pottery.
10:26Wow.
10:27So here we have all Corfu's tradition in one art object.
10:33So it's ceramic.
10:35Oh, I love it.
10:36It's the jewellery because Corfu has a great tradition in jewellery making.
10:40Hello, look at this.
10:40It's the traditional costume and the Easter costume.
10:43As part of an ancient Greek tradition, at Easter, these large clay pots called batides are filled with water, decorated with ribbons and thrown from balconies.
10:55So would you like to try and draw something like that?
10:57I'd love to.
10:58I would love to be an honour.
10:59Olga, it would be an honour.
11:01Let's give it a try.
11:02OK.
11:03Olga's great.
11:04I love her energy.
11:05I love her spirit.
11:07She's everything I want sort of the reading room to be.
11:09I want it to be fun, knowledgeable.
11:12Ooh.
11:13Just create a spark in you, you know?
11:15Inspire you.
11:17And then just go...
11:19Yes.
11:21Yes!
11:22Very good.
11:23Great.
11:24When I don't do the noise, it's rubbish, is it?
11:26No.
11:27Just try it.
11:29Back at the build, my tiles have arrived, which I'm hoping match my electric blue chandelier.
11:36There's a lot of purple in there.
11:38I don't think this is the right colour.
11:44I don't like it.
11:45Mm-mm.
11:46Nobody wants, like, an iridescent, pearly, purplish bathroom.
11:52Hmm.
11:54It's a disaster, darling.
11:56It's so shiny and nasty.
12:00It's like a mermaid's tail.
12:10Here, do you know any gays?
12:13Listen.
12:14I do.
12:15But can I be honest with you?
12:16I do.
12:16I'm single, and I'm trying to find love in Corfu.
12:22Well, I have someone who's great at giving massages.
12:26Are you interesting?
12:27We can set up a blind date.
12:29This has gone from nought to 60 in five seconds.
12:32One minute you were thinking, you know, I'm going on a date with a masseuse.
12:35How long are you staying here for?
12:37If it's for love, I'm that desperate, I'll change my visa.
12:44Listen, after my first attempt, that's OK.
12:46Oh, not to be fair.
12:49Art is never perfect.
12:50Yeah.
12:51I'm going to go.
12:52You get on the phone and keep me posted, please.
12:55We'll be in touch.
12:55Yes, Alan.
12:56OK.
12:57Please get in touch, yes.
12:58Bye-bye, Alan.
12:59Bye-bye.
13:00Bye.
13:01I popped him for a pot, and I come out with a Greek lover.
13:05Boom.
13:06Wonderful.
13:10With my bathroom ambitions in the balance, Alan is taking me for a soak in the sea.
13:15Right, Alan, don't come near me for two minutes, because I'm going to hang in.
13:20That's disgusting.
13:25Oh, my God.
13:30Have you finished your week?
13:31I've finished your week.
13:31At least it's warm in that bunch of bed.
13:34Everyone looks good in this kind of light, don't they?
13:36Yeah.
13:38Yeah.
13:38What are you saying?
13:41You've got a crushed ear, and a thin top lip, and stained-up glasses.
13:47I can't understand.
13:48You don't even look like you.
13:50I don't look like me.
13:51You doesn't look like you.
13:52It's a new day.
14:10I'm going to hone my woodworking skills as I create my bespoke bookshelves.
14:14This room is going to be like walking into Stephen Fry's brain.
14:21Culture.
14:22Poetry.
14:23Thinking.
14:24No telly.
14:25Books.
14:26Philosophy.
14:27You know, like when you go to the British Museum, or V&A, or something like that, you know?
14:32You go in there, you go, your sort of, like, mouth falls open, because you see all these amazing books,
14:38and object art, and antiques, and artefacts, and you feel like, wow, my brain is getting nourished here.
14:44That's what I want.
14:45So.
14:46To bring my vision to life, first we need to work out the dimensions.
14:50Do you know what?
14:50Because that's high up, that can be the adult section.
14:53Erotica.
14:54Top shelf.
14:55Top shelf.
14:56And cut MDF boards to size.
14:59We're also making an outer frame to screw the boards into place.
15:05Pfft!
15:08Hold.
15:12Hold it.
15:12I'm holding it.
15:14Hold.
15:15I'm holding it.
15:20Let it go.
15:30Beautiful.
15:32Happy?
15:32Is that looking all right so far?
15:34I'm loving it.
15:35It's great.
15:38Whilst Alan's keen to display his Greek objet d'art, I'm on the hunt in Corfu town for some authentic Greek items of my own.
15:49The Greeks have used sea sponges for personal hygiene for centuries, so I've come to the Land of Corfu shop that specialises in sustainably sourced ones for my family bathroom.
16:00Oh, my God.
16:02Oh, that's a bit scary.
16:04Excuse me?
16:06Hi, hello.
16:07Hello, hello.
16:08Hello, hello.
16:09This is an amazing shop.
16:10Thank you very much.
16:11I had no idea so many massive sponges existed.
16:16Sponges existed.
16:17We collect from very deep depths, about 80 metres.
16:22Wow.
16:23This needs some very, very good divers.
16:26They're experts.
16:27Yes.
16:28What an amazing job.
16:29What do you do?
16:30I dye for sponges.
16:32So tell me, what's the most expensive sponge in this shop?
16:38The most expensive shop is like that.
16:41It's 400 euro, because this size is very difficult to grow.
16:47Do people actually buy them and then, like, use them?
16:51No.
16:52This one is for collectors.
16:53Yeah.
16:54It's something very, very special and elegant.
16:56Yeah.
16:57Alan may have his reading room, but my secret weapon is a sponge.
17:03That looks like a lovely cauliflower.
17:05Sponsi Adriatica.
17:06That's cute.
17:07And Kapadiko from East Mediterranean.
17:10Perfect.
17:11It might be nice if I can find some coral, maybe a couple of shells.
17:16I think we'll get these.
17:17This is amazing.
17:18This amazing colour.
17:19Yeah.
17:21Perfect.
17:22My bathroom's going to look epic.
17:28I've been using my time on the island to dip my toe back into the dating world.
17:33I've not had much luck so far.
17:35But tonight, my friend Olga has organised a blind date with her friend Andrew.
17:40Give me, give me, give me all that after midnight.
17:44The masseuse.
17:45My dating history on Corfu has been a little bit mixed.
17:50The first date was a bit of a disaster.
17:52Amanda's put me on the app and no one's really bitten.
17:56So I'm here to try again.
18:02Are you Andrew?
18:03Hello.
18:04Hello, Alan.
18:05I'm Alan.
18:06How are you?
18:07Nice to see you.
18:08Do you like a gin tonic?
18:10Yes, please.
18:11Make it a double the day I've had.
18:13You're having gin as well?
18:14Yep.
18:15Yeah, double gin.
18:16Yeah, lovely.
18:17Yeah, what's that?
18:18Tequila's there.
18:20Oh.
18:21You like shots?
18:22That's dangerous.
18:23Very.
18:24Because to me, when I have tequila, my clothes come off.
18:26Really?
18:27Just so you know.
18:28Yeah.
18:29Let's do it.
18:30Stop it!
18:32Come on, you don't even know my name and you're getting fruity already.
18:36You've just got to put yourself out there, haven't you?
18:38You know what I mean?
18:39If you want to catch a fish, you've got to get your rod out.
18:42Whilst Alan is wooing his potential new man, I'm battling with my 300 piece electric blue chandelier.
18:50I've been two hours putting this blinking thing together.
18:54I have no idea really what the pattern is because someone threw the box away and I can't find a picture of it.
19:01Oh!
19:02Buzz off!
19:03Buzz off!
19:09Yes!
19:10I actually think Alan is going to eat his words.
19:13He's going to think it's nice.
19:19Look at that!
19:20You're very good!
19:21That's good, isn't it?
19:24That's good.
19:25That's good.
19:30Cheers!
19:32Good job we're not playing strip pool, innit? You'd be naked.
19:40It's always a bit eggy when you're dating.
19:43I'm just going to see how it goes, but I just think time is of the essence.
19:47I'm approaching 50. I've been a bit miserable, but now I love Greece and I want to find love, you know?
19:58So what do you look for in someone when you go dating?
20:02Being happy.
20:03Oh, you go for happy people.
20:05Happy people.
20:07I go for men who are really good at pool.
20:10I like it!
20:11It's been lovely having a nice date with you.
20:19Me too.
20:21Let's do another date.
20:23Let's have a dinner.
20:25Let's have a dinner!
20:27Promise?
20:29Promise.
20:30Oh, you're so lovely.
20:32Now please, I'm going to go.
20:36Mwah!
20:37You're so lovely. Mwah!
20:41It's a busy morning at the build as we try and get both of our rooms finished.
20:52Adonis has come through again with an ingenious alternative to my tile dilemma.
20:58A waterproof, coloured plaster finish.
21:01Fabulous.
21:03OK.
21:04This is the undercoat.
21:05This is the undercoat.
21:06Yeah, this is not 100% what...
21:07Because it's not the colour, but it's the primer.
21:09Correct.
21:10The base coat.
21:11Ah!
21:12Let's go in.
21:13OK.
21:14OK.
21:15Adonis is the king of bathrooms.
21:17The king of hot tubs.
21:19He's just the king of...
21:21hot.
21:23Stamatis has been giving all of his attention to the blue bath,
21:27but I've got an even bigger challenge for him in my family reading room,
21:32fitting the floating bed.
21:34Through there.
21:35It's crucial for our design, as it's not only a space to read...
21:39OK.
21:40..but it's an over-spill bed for large families.
21:43It's quite high up.
21:44There's a ladder that swings about, so the potential for it to go wrong is quite high.
21:56It's got a curve in the middle.
21:57Yeah, because it's heavy and it's long.
21:59Yeah.
22:00So we need to do something to support.
22:01So we need...
22:02You need to think now an idea what we're going to put in the middle.
22:05I don't think Stamatis takes my design ideas as seriously as he does Amanda's.
22:09Like, he made her bath work.
22:12The point of a floating bed is it has to look like it's floating.
22:17That's not floating if it's got a massive stick keeping it up.
22:21It's meant to be magic.
22:22People are meant to go,
22:24How's that bed staying up there?
22:26If it's got a giant pole keeping it up, where's the surprise?
22:29I mean, look how big it is.
22:31Oh, God.
22:32Nearly three metres.
22:33That's a big bed.
22:34I'm just wondering whether the bed shouldn't be floating.
22:39Maybe I should just stick a futon in there and be done with it.
22:44You hold it like that and press.
22:47You see?
22:48So you push it in.
22:49Yeah.
22:53As Alan's struggling, I'm thriving.
22:57For us to have found this extraordinary solution
23:00that I didn't even know existed, like blue cement,
23:03I'm, like, glad that we had the problem.
23:05Because we found a way around it and it's better than the original idea.
23:09That's amazing.
23:11Oh!
23:13Hello, Mr. Clark!
23:15Hello!
23:16What do you think of me big blue bath?
23:20Oh, yeah!
23:21Oh, yeah!
23:22It's...
23:23Yeah!
23:24Blue!
23:25Yeah!
23:26It's blue!
23:27It's blue!
23:28This is the undercoat, so it's going as blue as my chandelier.
23:32Adonis, what do you think?
23:33Is this good or is she crazy?
23:35Yeah, no, no, no.
23:36You think it's going to look good?
23:37Yeah.
23:38It's going to look very good.
23:39Thank you, Adonis.
23:40All right, all right.
23:41After a full-on day of DIY, Stamatis and his wife Olympia have invited Alan and my girls
23:52to the Vaccarola Festival in celebration of St Spiridon.
23:56It's bigger than I thought it was going to be, Alan.
23:59It's like the old Corfu's come out, isn't it?
24:02In 1716, the Ottomans tried to invade Corfu, but their attack failed.
24:08It's believed that St Spiridon worsened the weather, stopping the battle.
24:12Stamatis.
24:13Yeah.
24:14Oh!
24:15Hey!
24:16How are you?
24:17This is amazing.
24:19Yeah, yeah.
24:20How many celebrations a year are there to do with Greek gods?
24:23Every second day they're doing something.
24:25In the summer, in the summer, in the summer.
24:27Really?
24:28Yeah, yeah.
24:29Are the fireworks quite loud because I've got a nervous disposition?
24:32It's just the light and a little bit there.
24:34Bang, bang, bang.
24:35No, no, no, no, no.
24:36I mean, when you have bonfire night at home, there's like a barrier and you have a couple
24:41of people in high-vis jackets.
24:43The man's over there just standing next to a box of fireworks having a fag.
24:47I just don't, I don't know, I can't really relax.
24:51Okay, shall we do a toast to, how do you call this tradition?
24:54Yes.
24:55Varcarola.
24:56Varcarola.
24:57Varcarola.
24:58Varcarola.
24:59Varcarola.
25:00Varcarola.
25:01Varcarola.
25:02Every year on August the 11th, St Spiridon is honoured with a mock recreation of the battle
25:07and fireworks galore.
25:08At the house, we're on the home stretch to finish the rooms.
25:34Adonis has been colour matching my bath to the chandelier so I can finally hang it in
25:41place.
25:42Ready?
25:43Yeah.
25:44Yay!
25:47And style the space.
25:51And with my bed finally floating, I'm bringing my wall of shelves to life.
25:57Oh.
25:58His willies fallen off.
26:04So, you've got to admit it turned out better than you expected.
26:19It really, really did.
26:20And I'm going to just say, with this renovation, I think I'm falling in love with the colour blue
26:30more.
26:31Thank you, Alan.
26:32You know.
26:34That, to me, does look a little bit cheap.
26:39Cheat.
26:40It wasn't expensive.
26:41It wasn't cheap.
26:42No.
26:43But this was AI.
26:46Now it's AH.
26:47AH.
26:48I see what you did there.
26:52Yeah.
26:53Hats off to you because it's brilliant.
26:56Come and have a look at my intellectual space.
26:59It is amazing, I have to say.
27:12Yeah.
27:13You've come in from the beach.
27:15It's not tea time yet.
27:16You're not getting ready.
27:17I'm going to climb all the way up there with me book.
27:20And if I nod off, I nod off.
27:21Who cares?
27:22You've done an incredible job.
27:24Yeah.
27:25And it's allowed us to have another guest.
27:26Yeah.
27:27And if you wanted to, you could have a little put you up there and have more people.
27:31Yeah.
27:32So, what do you think of me unit?
27:34I love, I mean, I love a unit and I love how you've styled all the books colour coordinated.
27:39There's Aphrodite.
27:40Aphrodite for me.
27:41Yeah.
27:42And there's Apollon for me.
27:44Apollon?
27:45Apollon is the Greek way of saying Apollo.
27:48Oh.
27:49But, sadly, the willy's fallen off.
27:52Did he really lose his willy?
27:54Yeah, the willy snapped off.
27:55Oh, my God.
27:56Poor man.
27:57I know, I know.
27:58But he's still smiling.
28:00Right.
28:01Next time.
28:02Up-ba!
28:03Up-ba!
28:04We hit the dance floor.
28:05That is a calorie burner, that is.
28:07And I finally have some luck.
28:09Amanda put me on Lonely Hearts app.
28:12You know me now here, why you need the app?
28:14As we take on...
28:17That's good.
28:18...our final space.
28:19I'm proud of you.
28:20I'm proud of you too.
28:21Yabba!
28:22Whoa!
28:23Ja-ja-ja-ja-ja-ja-ja.
28:26第2%.
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