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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00Oh, my God.
01:15All right.
01:17Uh, yeah.
01:19This way.
01:22Okay.
01:24Okay.
01:26Here we are inside something called AgriJet.
01:29It's a refrigerated warehouse in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
01:35Jesus.
01:36It's cold in here.
01:38Let me show you around.
01:40I'll give you a sense of the place.
01:42Give you the grand tour.
01:44It's huge.
01:46It's maybe 100 feet long.
01:48I don't know what that is in meters, but it's massive, and it is packed to the rafters with lots and lots of shrink-wrapped items.
02:05Yeah?
02:06So what's inside?
02:08Well, the picture's worth a thousand words, right?
02:12So I'm gonna let you see for yourself.
02:14Okay.
02:15Okay.
02:16Okay.
02:17You see this?
02:18Huh?
02:19Yeah.
02:20That's...
02:21That is not a butterball turkey.
02:22I'll tell you that much.
02:23What are they doing with all this, huh?
02:24Guess.
02:25Fucking guess.
02:26Because this whole place is filled with human bodies.
02:30It's parts of them.
02:31It's pieces of them.
02:32All vacuum-sealed.
02:33That is what this whole plant is being used for.
02:34It's not a butterball turkey.
02:35It's not a butterball turkey.
02:36I'll tell you that much.
02:37What are they doing with all this, huh?
02:38Guess.
02:39Fucking guess.
02:40Because this whole place is filled with human bodies.
02:47It's parts of them.
02:50It's pieces of them.
02:52All vacuum-sealed.
02:55That is what this whole plant is being used for.
02:59And it's been happening right under our noses.
03:03I mean, they got out of this town in a hurry, but...
03:06I guarantee you before that, they're probably doing three shifts a day in here.
03:12And what's behind that door?
03:15Huh?
03:16It is a meat grinder the size of a bus.
03:21And vats.
03:22Cooking vats.
03:24And waiting to see what's inside those.
03:26Oh.
03:27Oh, cool.
03:28Oh, cool.
03:29Oh, cool.
03:30I'm working on that door.
03:31I'm going to see you next time, eh?
03:32Oh, I don't know.
03:33You're working on that door.
03:34Oh, that's back.
03:35I've got those.
03:36You're working on that door.
03:38Come on, you're working on that door.
03:39I'll be right back.
03:40I'm going to see you.
03:42Oh, my God.
13:06What? Why?
13:08You will have a visitor.
13:12Bye.
13:15You can come with me.
13:18If you want.
13:21I can't do that.
13:24Soon or later, we'll have to leave.
13:25I can't do that.
13:27I can't do that.
13:29Do you have enough time?
13:31Even for a little bit?
13:35Do you want it?
13:36Please be here.
13:57Please be here.
13:58Please be here.
13:58Please be here.
13:59Please be here.
14:00Please be here.
14:00Please be here.
16:33Why'd you stay?
16:34To welcome you.
16:37No thanks.
16:38I appreciate that.
16:42I bet they didn't tell you why I was coming.
16:44There's no way in hell they did.
16:46You're going to need something stronger than champagne when you see what I brought.
16:51Do you have a TV in this barn?
16:57Impressive.
17:06Impressive.
17:06Okay.
17:06What do you got?
17:19All right, HDMI, all right?
17:22Is this another one of your videos?
17:24You've seen my videos?
17:26Mm-hmm.
17:28They actually sent you my videos?
17:30Of course.
17:31They were very well done.
17:33Very dramatic.
17:34Well, you could have...
17:37You could have...
17:39Forget it?
17:41When you see this one?
17:44Let's just say...
17:46It's disturbing.
17:48And, uh, I hate to use a cliche, but you might want to sit down.
17:53Seriously.
17:54Because I am telling you what you are about to witness...
17:57Is this about them eating people?
18:01What?
18:02It is troubling.
18:04Wait, how would you...
18:05How could you...
18:07Elami?
18:12Hello, Carol.
18:13We're John Cena, and we're here to address some questions you may be having regarding our food supply.
18:20As you know, we can't purposely kill, harm, or otherwise interfere with any form of life.
18:26That limits what we're able to consume.
18:28Because when we say any life, that includes plant life.
18:32We can't harvest wheat or corn or rice.
18:34We can't pluck an apple from a tree.
18:37Once an apple drops of its own accord, well, we'll eat it, of course.
18:40And gratefully.
18:42Indeed, we harvest all the windfall we can find.
18:44Plus, there are billions of domesticated animals, cows, chief amongst them, that still require milking.
18:51And there's pre-existing food, millions of tons of it, that was processed prior to our joining.
18:57So far, so good, right?
18:59Except for one small problem.
19:01As of this taping, there are 7,348,292,411 of us.
19:09That's a lot of mouths to feed.
19:12We're facing a caloric deficit.
19:14And to make up for it, we've had to take certain measures.
19:17This is how we get our sustenance.
19:21One half pint of this shelf-stable liquid contains 300 calories, which means that based on a diet of 2,400 calories a day, someone John Cena's size needs eight of these every 24 hours.
19:33Larger individuals require more.
19:35Smaller ones less.
19:36What's in it?
19:39Well, a lot of things.
19:40It's manufactured across the globe, so the recipe changes based on the local availability of ingredients.
19:46Mostly, it's those stockpiled foodstuffs we spoke of, particularly ones that are in danger of spoiling.
19:52Additionally, each garden contains 8 to 12% of something we call HDP, human-derived protein.
20:00And yep, that's pretty much what it sounds like.
20:03Nearly 100,000 people pass away each day due to natural causes and accidents.
20:08Those human remains, which would otherwise go to waste, are our source of HDP.
20:12We cherish the memory of these people and appreciate their sacrifice.
20:18Given our druthers, would we choose to consume HDP?
20:21No.
20:23Throughout history, most cultures, though not all, have taken a dim view of anthropophagy.
20:28Honestly, we're not that keen on it ourselves.
20:32But we're left with little choice.
20:34Rest assured, Carol, you will never have to consume this product.
20:38Not unless you want to, which we assume is unlikely.
20:40We will never serve HDP to you in any form, at any time.
20:45We will continue to reserve only the freshest, best windfall and stockpiled foods for you.
20:50We hope that clears things up.
20:53As always, your well-being is of the utmost importance to us.
20:57Any comments, concerns, call any time, day or night, and leave a voicemail.
21:01We regret not being able to speak to you directly.
21:04But for the time being, we need our space.
21:10So, you knew all about this?
21:17How?
21:18Well, for how long?
21:20About a week ago, out of curiosity, I asked John Cena,
21:24why do people drink so much milk?
21:27We had been hanging out together.
21:29He was teaching me the sunset flip power bomb.
21:32And what was your reaction?
21:34I mean, or do you even have one?
21:35As I said, it is troubling.
21:38Very much so.
21:40It probably helps that I've had time to think about it.
21:43I must say, John Cena makes a fairly reasonable case.
21:47In French, he's even more convincing.
21:49That is not John Cena.
21:52Jesus Christ, why are you so...
21:54How about the fact that in Spain, they all said they were vegetarians?
22:01Ah, yes.
22:02I asked John about that.
22:04He reminded me that technically what they said was that they would prefer to be vegetarian.
22:08Oh, great.
22:09So, all the fucking lawyers in the world survived.
22:12Carol, for the record, I am in no way pleased with the idea of these people eating human flesh.
22:17None of us are.
22:19Us?
22:21Who's us?
22:22The other individuals, the ones like you and me, we stay in touch.
22:37You stay in touch?
22:38Mm-hmm.
22:39All 12 of you?
22:40All but one.
22:41There's a gentleman in Paraguay.
22:43Chaperones reach out, but he doesn't reply.
22:46But the other 11 of us, yes.
22:49So, the 11 of you, you, what, you just hang out?
22:56Potluck suppers and whatnot?
22:58We meet occasionally.
22:59Okay.
23:00Tuesdays and Fridays.
23:02Oh, well, that's a lot of flying.
23:03Mostly, we're on Zoom.
23:05Oh.
23:07Right.
23:09What do you guys talk about?
23:12I mean, it can't be saving the world because you shot that down really quickly.
23:15In a sense, it is.
23:16Carol, what John Cena did not mention is that even with the HDP, most of the world's population
23:25will starve to death within the next 10 years.
23:28Says who?
23:28Says them.
23:30If you press them long enough.
23:33We wish to save them from that.
23:36At our most recent gathering, we pitched the idea of robotic farming.
23:39However, as it is, they would have to build and program the robots.
23:43Oh.
23:45They did appreciate the input.
23:47I bet.
23:49Did you guys ever talk about including me in the Zooms?
23:54I mean, I am a professional writer, and no offense, but I can come up with shit like robots
24:01all day long.
24:02We, uh, we took a vote.
24:07It was not unanimous.
24:08But the majority felt your presence might prove disruptive.
24:16Oh.
24:18Also, our non-English speakers were perhaps a bit offended that you did not invite them
24:21to join us in Spain.
24:22I'm sorry, Carol.
24:27Ultimately, this is not about you.
24:30Or any of us, for that matter.
24:32Sure, I get it.
24:37Where's your nearest bathroom?
24:38I'm sorry.
24:52But she's so alone.
25:18Yeah, I'm sorry.
25:25Okay.
25:31You're missing me, my love.
25:35See you soon.
25:35See you soon.
25:48Bye.
26:04Bye.
26:06Bye.
26:09Bye.
26:09Bye.
26:13Bye.
26:16Bye.
26:47Ah, you're awake.
27:12Once again, your timing is perfect.
27:15Please, sit.
27:23Et voilĂ .
27:33That looks good.
27:35Thanks.
27:35With pleasure.
27:39Bon appétit.
27:39Mmm.
27:43Mm-hmm.
28:13Mmm.
28:37Mmm.
28:39Mmm.
28:41So, what are your plans?
28:48Well, I'm sure you need a break from me.
28:54I've enjoyed your company, Carol.
28:56You like your space, I get it.
28:58So, I was thinking I'll go find my own suite, get cleaned up, and then we can get together later.
29:07Talk some more.
29:11I'm just messing with you.
29:28Bien joué.
29:30Truth is, I can't get out of Vegas fast enough.
29:33This city is like a trillion-dollar light-up ashtray.
29:39No offense to your new town.
29:41Oh, none taken.
29:43I'm sure it's no Albuquerque.
29:49Carol, you can always call me.
29:51Dial zero and they will find me wherever I am.
29:54Thanks.
29:56How do you say it?
29:58Check in now and then, hmm?
30:00Sure.
30:00Maybe you will have some ideas on how to save these people from starvation.
30:06I don't know.
30:10Maybe tell them to pick a fucking apple.
30:13Wow.
30:14Sorry.
30:15I didn't mean that.
30:17I mean, fuck it, yes, I did.
30:20I meant that, but not like I sounded.
30:23I'm not some kind of monster, you know?
30:28I just, um, they're doing this to themselves.
30:31They are choosing to star.
30:33They do not see it that way.
30:35Listen to me.
30:36The only way to save these lunatics is to turn them back the way they were.
30:40There is a way to reverse this.
30:43Help me find it.
30:45Do you seriously think the world is a better place now just because it's peaceful?
30:52Well, once they turn us, we're going to starve right along with them.
30:56You thought of that?
30:58They cannot turn us.
31:01Not without our consent.
31:07What do you mean?
31:08It seems the only way to make the virus work on us is by tailoring it to our individual stem cells.
31:15But to obtain those stem cells, they must first collect them from our bodies.
31:19And what?
31:21Apparently that involves sticking a large needle into the bone of the hip.
31:26Somewhat painful and very invasive.
31:30Something they cannot do without our permission.
31:35When did you find this out?
31:38They made this discovery only yesterday.
31:40They are not pleased about it, I can assure you.
31:45They asked me if I would give my consent.
31:48I said, uh...
31:50regrettably, as of this time.
31:53I prefer not to.
31:54Hello, Carol.
32:08This is a recording.
32:10At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.
32:14We'll do our best to provide it.
32:17Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.
32:20But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.
32:27It's me.
32:27Is it true that you need our stem cells to turn us into you?
32:34And furthermore, is it true that you need our express permission to collect those stem cells?
32:52Carol?
32:53Hello, Carol.
33:07Hello, Carol.
33:22This is a recording.
33:23At the tone, you can leave a message to request anything you might need.
33:28We'll do our best to provide it.
33:30Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol.
33:33But after everything that's happened, we just need a little space.
33:37I am officially going on record that I do not consent.
33:45You will not lay a finger on me.
33:49Repeat that back.
33:50You will not lay a finger on me.
33:51You will not lay a finger on me.
33:52You will not lay a finger on me.
33:53You will not lay a finger on me.
33:54You will not lay a finger on me.
33:55You will not lay a finger on me.
33:56You will not lay a finger on me.
33:57You will not lay a finger on me.
33:58You will not lay a finger on me.
33:59You will not lay a finger on me.
34:00You will not lay a finger on me.
34:01You will not lay a finger on me.
34:02You will not lay a finger on me.
34:03You will not lay a finger on me.
34:04You will not lay a finger on me.
34:05You will not lay a finger on me.
34:06You will not lay a finger on me.
34:07You will not lay a finger on me.
34:08You will not lay a finger on me.
34:09You will not lay a finger on me.
34:10Ah, this is your vehicle?
34:33Yep.
34:37Interesting choice.
34:40You, too.
34:46Au revoir.
35:02For what it's worth, the world is doing the best it can.
35:07It misses you, Lord.
35:08Zosia misses you.
35:10They want to come back, coward.
35:13They're just looking for a change of heart.
35:17Fuck them.
35:20Watch your toes.
35:21Hoor Bruno.
35:23I now have to take care of your friends.
35:25I'mo.
35:26I'm in the heart.
35:26I'll be like, checking.
35:28Wait.
35:28I never do.
35:31What?
35:32I never do this.
35:33I never do this.
35:34I never do this.
35:35I never do this.
35:37I never do any Grund to go.
36:09All right.
36:39All right.
37:09All right.
37:39All right.
38:09All right.
38:39All right.
39:09All right.
39:39All right.
40:09All right.
40:39All right.
41:09All right.
41:39And when the day comes that you have peace and love forced upon you, who knows, maybe
41:44in that last fleeting moment, you might just realize you treasure your individuality.
41:51All right.
42:21All right.
42:51All right.
43:21All right.
43:51All right.
44:21All right.
44:51All right.
45:21All right.
45:51All right.
46:21All right.
46:51All right.
47:21All right.
47:51All right.
48:21All right.
48:51All right.
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