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Short filmTranscript
00:00This video is brought to you by S.T.A.L.A.
00:30You can see the bay.
00:42As you know, the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the ice ages.
00:48The cold stimulates ancient nerves.
00:51Makes you feel a primal connection to the world.
00:55We use over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel.
00:58And guests are surprised to know how much snow.
01:02Over 10,000 tons.
01:04Wow, that's a lot.
01:06Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice.
01:11These blocks were created by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes.
01:18Then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave.
01:23Everything you see melts in summer.
01:25And we have different artists and artisans help us build again each year.
01:30So every stay is truly once in a lifetime.
01:34And here we have your room.
01:40The Koi Suite.
01:41Wow.
01:48Oh, it's frisk.
01:50Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel.
01:54About three degrees below zero.
01:56Not too, too cold.
01:59It's quite invigorating when you're used to it.
02:01As we say, you will feel some plummen i egge.
02:07Like a yoke in an egg.
02:09Okay, that's adorable.
02:10Some plummen i eggen?
02:13That's very good.
02:15These fish were hand-carved by famous Norwegian ice sculptor Anna Skjegstad-Rud.
02:21He won the Boreal Forest Prize at the Harbin ice sculpting competition last year.
02:25Beautiful.
02:25Isn't that beautiful?
02:26The bed is made of ice?
02:28Yes, isn't that charming?
02:29And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy.
02:33The bed is made of ice.
02:34It is distilled locally from ice wine.
02:36And I assure you, it is quite special.
02:39Ice.
02:40Helen.
02:41We are sleeping on an ice bed.
02:43I could have saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here.
02:46Jokes and all.
02:47Now, one more thing.
02:48Your bathrooms are around the corner in the hall to your left.
02:52And if you keep going in that direction, you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open.
02:57As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year.
03:01Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know.
03:05Thank you, Bjorn.
03:07Oh, thank you very much.
03:09I hope you both have an enjoyable stay.
03:11Good night?
03:13Excellent.
03:14Good night today also.
03:15Okay.
03:15This is amazing.
03:27How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice?
03:31We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney.
03:34Walt Disney wasn't frozen.
03:35That's a myth.
03:36And look at this place.
03:37It was worth the trip.
03:41I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends?
03:45I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience but just a really nice hotel?
03:52Can't it be both?
03:54Doesn't it feel kind of nice?
03:56My skin feels so awake.
03:59Oh my God, seriously?
04:01Who knew?
04:04Hela's in Norway.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06This is completely your bag.
04:07You love feeling bad.
04:11What are you doing over there?
04:15Looking for your cell phone.
04:17The Val should have numbers by now.
04:18Oh, I already talked about the airport.
04:20Come over here.
04:21Get under these blankets.
04:22You talked about?
04:24What'd she say?
04:25It's on the list.
04:31Congratulations.
04:33Good.
04:34Great.
04:35Yeah.
04:35Now come over here.
04:36Have some brandy.
04:37It's so good.
04:39Where on the list?
04:40Oh, stop it.
04:42It's a bestseller.
04:43I know.
04:43I'm just curious where.
04:45Top 20.
04:47Top 20?
04:48Yeah.
04:49But like closer to 11 or closer to 20?
04:52You're impossible.
04:53You're the most impossible bestselling author I know.
04:58Come over here.
04:59Why?
05:00Just come here.
05:02Look at this.
05:05That is amazing.
05:10Oh God, I always wanted to see it.
05:13One time in Canada I came close, but this is so much better than I ever imagined.
05:20Kind of looks like a screensaver.
05:21Oh yeah.
05:21Stop, stop, stop.
05:23Sit.
05:26There you go.
05:28There.
05:29Isn't that warmer?
05:31Warmer than what?
05:34You can almost hear it, can't you?
05:40Oh, it's turning purple.
05:41Oh, look at that.
05:49Guess what?
05:51Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee.
05:54Okay, so pee.
05:56Yeah, but is the toilet going to be made out of ice?
05:59What if I stick to it?
05:59Here, don't pee, but shh.
06:01It's just conco.
06:10Oh my God, what's in the ocean?
06:13Oh, here we go.
06:20Oh.
06:20Oh, my God, no.
06:22Oh.
06:23Oh, my God.
06:23Oh.
06:25Oh.
06:27Oh.
06:28No, no, no, no.
06:58Uh, this is your captain speaking.
07:04Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air.
07:07Should be smooth sailing for a while.
07:09So we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seatbelt sign.
07:14Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol.
07:28May we get you anything?
07:45Nope.
07:47Uh, who's flying today?
07:49Carol.
07:49On the flight deck is Captain John McConnell.
07:52And also, First Officer Tom Deegan.
07:54These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time.
07:59And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft.
08:05You're in good hands.
08:09That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays.
08:11You doing this because she freaked me out?
08:13Uh, that's an affirmative, Carol.
08:15Please stop that.
08:17It's much more spacious up in first class.
08:20Sure you want to be more comfortable there?
08:21It has lie-flat seats.
08:23You could get some rest.
08:25I'm fine where I'm at.
08:49Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right?
08:52Anyone with conversational ability, yes.
08:55Tell me about the non-English speakers.
08:56Certainly.
08:57What would you like to know?
08:58Anything.
08:59Everything.
09:01Well, let's see.
09:02There's Bora Kolak, a 60-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul.
09:05He speaks Turkish in Los Katz.
09:07In Bali, there's Aida Udui, 23, speaks Indonesian Balinese.
09:13She's a contortionist and a dancer.
09:15Performs the barong, the lagong, jibog.
09:18It's all quite exquisite.
09:19I'm sure.
09:19Keep going.
09:20Sidor Ameles in Sardinia is a fisherman.
09:23Or he was, but he's 89 and retired.
09:27There's Mary Kuxiakintola, lives in Masaru Lesotho.
09:30What does she do?
09:32Her family raises by Soto Ponius, but she's only eight years old.
09:35She hasn't decided on the profession.
09:37Next.
09:37Abdul Karim Al-Shari lives in Aiden, Yemen.
09:41He's a 37-year-old muezzin.
09:44Muezzin, that's a...
09:45What is that?
09:47He sings a call to prayer.
09:49He has a powerful tenor voice.
09:51He also loves cats.
09:54Okay.
09:56But are there any medical doctors, any scientists or an expert of some kind?
10:02Oh, yes.
10:03According to Time Out magazine,
10:04Takeoki Tanaka in Osaka makes the best uro noodles in the entire Keihan Shin.
10:09That's not what I meant.
10:10Nope.
10:12All right, that makes what?
10:15Um...
10:15Six.
10:16So, you didn't say anything about the guy from, uh...
10:20Where was it?
10:21Uh, Paraguay.
10:22What about him?
10:23Uh, his name is Manuso Zoviedo.
10:25We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours.
10:28He manages a self-storage facility in Asuncion.
10:31So far, he hasn't really communicated with us.
10:34Ha.
10:38I want to talk to him.
10:39He only speaks Spanish.
10:41And a bit of Guarani.
10:42Do you want us to translate for you?
10:44No.
10:45I'll manage.
10:48First thing, once I get home.
10:50We could try him right now, if you like.
10:52He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact.
11:10Try it again.
11:29Uh, hola, senor?
11:51Ma'am?
11:53Ma'am?
11:53I think we got, uh, cut off or something.
11:59Try it again.
12:00Hola, yo soy Carol Sterka.
12:20Uh, estoy de los...
12:21United States.
12:22Get him back.
12:31Get him back.
12:34Get him back.
12:35We're sorry, Carol.
12:57We don't think it was personal.
12:59We don't think it was personal.
12:59We don't think it was personal.
13:27All right.
13:32Bye, Carol.
13:34Really, please let us know if there's...
13:36Carol, one second.
13:41We have something for you.
13:49We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you.
13:52We think you're really gonna like what's in the box.
14:07Anything else we can do for you, just let us know.
16:20Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
16:23You're gonna forget everything you know about Helen.
16:26Every memory, every thought she ever had.
16:29Get her out of your head.
16:31Heads.
16:31Carol, we apologize if it...
16:33Never mention her again.
16:34Never think about her again.
16:36Only I get to remember her.
16:38You got that?
16:38Only me.
16:50Then how come you know he was a big dummy?
16:58Well, there were already three other people in town.
17:03But that's beside the point.
17:05One day, I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady Hickenlooper
17:09and ask her why she always frowned.
17:12Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles.
17:15I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down.
17:23So from then on, whenever I go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
17:45What the hell?
18:15Good morning, Carol.
18:36What's with the food?
18:37It's the exact meal you had at that B&B you stayed at in Provincetown.
18:42Um, 2012, remember?
18:44You were there to see the Undigo girls.
18:46You were very complimentary of the chef that morning.
18:49It really stuck with her.
18:51The sorghum flower and the pancake...
18:52So you took it upon yourself to make me breakfast?
18:56Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare.
18:58You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk,
19:02a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives.
19:05I told you Helen was off limits.
19:07Yes, of course, Carol.
19:08So, how the...
19:09How do you know what is in my fridge?
19:13Teresa from Mary Maids.
19:15You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour.
19:19Is the food not to your liking?
19:21Would you like us to make you something else instead?
19:23Nope.
19:23I want you to leave me alone.
19:48Shows what you know, fuckers.
19:49It's three quarters of a carton.
19:51I want you to leave me alone.
20:21What the fuck?
20:34What the fuck?
20:51Hello, Carol.
21:00What happened to my sprouts?
21:02Are you the grinch who steals supermarkets?
21:03So sorry.
21:05We're consolidating resources to centralize useful items for distribution.
21:10Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses or what used to be private homes.
21:16It's just more efficient.
21:17Fine.
21:18Fine.
21:19Fine.
21:20I get it.
21:21Is there something specific you need?
21:23We can deliver to you anytime, anywhere.
21:25I am not going to call you every time I need something.
21:28I don't want you waiting on me.
21:30I am a very independent person, okay?
21:34I always have been.
21:36I fend for myself.
21:38I just want my sprouts back.
21:41Absolutely.
21:42Will do.
21:43Okay.
21:45Great.
21:48So, what?
21:49Um, can we say Friday, maybe?
21:54I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back.
21:58We'll be there in a moment.
21:59We'll be there in a moment.
22:29We'll be there in a moment.
22:59We'll be there in a moment.
23:29We'll be there in a moment.
23:59We'll be there in a moment.
24:29We'll be there in a moment.
24:31We'll be there in a moment.
24:59We'll be there in a moment.
25:01We'll be there in a moment.
25:02We'll be there in a moment.
25:03We'll be there in a moment.
25:05We'll be there in a moment.
25:09All set, Carol.
25:11We'll be there in a moment.
25:12We'll be there in a moment.
25:13We'll be there in a moment.
25:16Let's go.
25:46Let's go.
26:16I don't know why I raised my hand.
26:23Damn it.
26:53You have got to be fucking kidding me.
27:03Hello, Carol.
27:20So sorry to startle you.
27:22We didn't mean to do that.
27:23Why are you turning off the lights?
27:24Yes, we know.
27:25It was a mistake.
27:27We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit.
27:30But they're back on now, right?
27:31The lights at your house?
27:32Yes.
27:32Okay.
27:33Why are you turning them off everywhere else?
27:35For conservation.
27:36Just the ones that aren't necessary, which are, well, most of them.
27:40What, lights aren't necessary for you guys?
27:42You just see in the dark?
27:43Oh, no.
27:44Not at all.
27:45It's just that there's no crime to prevent.
27:47And we're not working at night.
27:49Except for essential operations.
27:51Water treatment, hospitals, things like that.
27:53Right.
27:53So it's more of your efficiency.
27:55Yes.
27:56You donated twice to the Sierra Club.
27:58So we felt you'd understand.
28:00If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights.
28:03Screw it.
28:03Leave them off.
28:04Who gives a shit?
28:05Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
28:08Cheer me up?
28:09Why?
28:10I'm fine.
28:12I'm so happy.
28:14There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix.
28:17You got one of those?
28:18Because I think that would be the perfect topper for the greatest week in human history.
28:27Oh.
28:33Fuck it.
28:44Fuck it.
29:03It must have just been the excitement of a moment.
29:24But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs up the volcano while they gave me my birthday wax.
29:31Well, and you're not going to believe this.
29:36Fuck it.
29:50Fuck it.
29:50Yeah, hi. Sorry it took so long.
30:18A hand grenade?
30:20Yes. We thought you were probably being sarcastic, but we didn't want to take the chance.
30:28Were you being sarcastic?
30:34Right. Of course you were. Do you want us to take... You know what? We're just gonna... We'll get rid of it.
30:45Feel better, Carol.
30:46Hey, do you maniacs drink?
30:55It's okay. You can bring the hand grenade.
30:59Does the whole world get drunk when you drink? Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back?
31:08No, it doesn't work like that.
31:10Hmm. How do you say cheers in Sanskrit?
31:14How do you say cheers in Sanskrit?
31:15Shuba must do. Roughly, it means may everyone be blessed.
31:21Well done. Shoo... shoo... shoo... shoopy shoop shoop.
31:26You know the word vodka is a diminutive of vodah, meaning water? Very similar to the Latin aqua vitai, literally water of life.
31:41That becomes a Scandinavian aqua vitai, although the drinks are very different. Fun fact, whiskey has the same root meaning in Scots Gaelic from Wishka Baha.
31:51You don't, sir.
32:06What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness? It's distilled from both potato and corn. It is slightly alkaline. Do you taste that?
32:21Lower shelf alcohol tends to be acidic. The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather.
32:26And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain.
32:36How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee?
32:42It's a hard thing to predict. Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow.
32:47That's not an answer. How long?
32:51We're working around the clock. It could be as soon as a couple weeks.
32:55Or it could take months. Or longer.
32:59That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know.
33:07Regardless. Sooner or later, I'm fucked.
33:12Sorry, Carol. We have a biological imperative.
33:16You people make no goddamn sense. Do you know that?
33:20We want to make you happy, you say. Your life is your own, you say.
33:26An agency. I've got all this agency. But, I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't?
33:34Carol. If you were walking by a lake and you saw somebody drowning, would you throw them a life preserver?
33:44Of course you would. You wouldn't think. You wouldn't wait. You wouldn't try to get consensus on it. You'd just throw it.
33:52So now I'm drowning?
33:56You just don't know it.
33:59Well, you people are brainwashed is what you are. I mean, what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours?
34:13Actually, let me guess. It's, uh, it's all beautiful scenery and you feel nothing but contentment. Just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is perfect.
34:28It's, it's like living inside a postcard every second of every day.
34:33Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever, right? That kind of bullshit. Like you're, you're, uh, taking a hike in the woods and there's a warm rain and the trees are so tall you can't even see the tops.
34:47Or you're having coffee on the coast. Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam and it's like you're in a coffee commercial. Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia.
35:00Or you're in Norway above the Arctic Circle and...
35:06In a hotel made of ice. Under a pile of furs.
35:17I told you that Helen was off limits.
35:38You are a bunch of mindfuckers.
35:47Wow, you've got this thing really jammed in there, don't you?
35:57Please, be careful with that.
36:00Right, Link, you would give me a real hand grenade.
36:05Carol, if we may.
36:17You, you gave me...
36:45Oh, shit.
36:47Oh, shit.
36:49Oh, shit.
36:51Fuck.
36:53Oh, shit. Fuck.
36:57Oh, fuck.
37:01Oh, shit.
37:03Okay, I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:11It's okay, Carol.
37:13Elvis, come on.
37:15Oh, gosh.
37:21Joining me?
37:23Oh, shit.
37:25Oh!
37:27Huh, Jess.
37:30Oh, shit.
37:31Oh!
37:33Oh, shit.
37:35Oh, shit.
37:38Oh, shit.
37:39Oh, shit.
37:42Oh, shit.
37:43May we join you?
38:13We're happy to say, Zosia's doing much better.
38:19There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage.
38:22She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're going to want to keep an eye on.
38:26She's resting now.
38:29Can we get you a fresh change of clothes?
38:35Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day.
38:43Why would you give me a hand grenade?
38:46You asked for one.
38:49Why not give me a fake one?
38:52Oh, sorry if we got that wrong, Carol.
39:00If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade?
39:03Yes.
39:05Even after last night, you would give me another?
39:08Oh, sure.
39:11Okay, what about a bazooka?
39:15And the thing a bazooka shoots a rocket or whatever?
39:19Yes.
39:21All right.
39:24All right.
39:26What about, I don't know, a tank?
39:32Mm-hmm.
39:36What about an atom bomb?
39:42Why would you want one?
39:44To blow shit up?
39:46For kicks?
39:47I mean, does it matter?
39:48Give me a grenade, for fuck's sake.
39:58It'd be okay to say no at this point.
40:01That would be sane.
40:03Not utterly batshit crazy.
40:08If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, we would weigh the pros and cons.
40:15With you, we would explain that it would be very destructive.
40:19Yes or no?
40:20Ultimately?
40:21Yes.
40:22Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it, but we would move heaven and earth to make
40:35you happy, Carol.
40:40You know, would you like an atom bomb?
40:47I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:52Okay.
40:53Okay.
40:54Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
40:58One sugar with oat milk, right?
41:00Maybe a pinch-
41:01You can go.
41:02You can go.
41:30You know, would you like a cup of coffee Buonghhhh
41:49Today you're going to suck What the price of Karma An Camera
41:58Thy mind's imprint will bear
42:02And how this boo-hoo
42:06This clowny mace
42:08Thou taste
42:10This clowny mace
42:40This clowny mace
42:42This clowny mace
42:44This clowny mace
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42:56This clowny mace
42:58This clowny mace
43:00This clowny mace
43:02This clowny mace
43:04This clowny mace
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