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Short filmTranscript
00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:30You can see the bay.
00:42As you know, the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the ice ages.
00:48The cold stimulates ancient nerves.
00:51Makes you feel a primal connection to the world.
00:55We use over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel.
00:58And guests are surprised to know how much snow.
01:02Over 10,000 tons.
01:04Wow, that's a lot.
01:06Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice.
01:11These blocks were created by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes.
01:18Then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave.
01:23Everything you see melts in summer.
01:25And we have different artists and artisans help us build again each year.
01:30So every stay is truly once in a lifetime.
01:34And here we have your room.
01:40The Koi Suite.
01:41Wow.
01:48Oh, it's frisk.
01:50Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel.
01:54About three degrees below zero.
01:56Not too, too cold.
01:59It's quite invigorating when you're used to it.
02:01As we say, you will feel some plummen i egge.
02:07Like a yoke in an egg.
02:09Okay, that's adorable.
02:10Some plummen i eggen?
02:13That's very good.
02:15These fish were hand-carved by famous Norwegian ice sculptor Anna Skjegstad-Rud.
02:21He won the Boreal Forest Prize at the Harbin ice sculpting competition last year.
02:25Beautiful.
02:25Isn't that beautiful?
02:26The bed is made of ice?
02:28Yes, isn't that charming?
02:29And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy.
02:33The bed is made of ice.
02:34It is distilled locally from ice wine.
02:36And I assure you, it is quite special.
02:39Ice.
02:40Helen.
02:41We are sleeping on an ice bed.
02:43I could have saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here.
02:46Jokes and all.
02:47Now, one more thing.
02:48Your bathrooms are around the corner in the hall to your left.
02:52And if you keep going in that direction, you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open.
02:57As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year.
03:01Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know.
03:05Thank you, Bjorn.
03:07Oh, thank you very much.
03:09I hope you both have an enjoyable stay.
03:11Good night?
03:13Excellent.
03:14Good night today also.
03:15Okay.
03:15This is amazing.
03:27How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice?
03:31We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney.
03:34Walt Disney wasn't frozen.
03:35That's a myth.
03:36And look at this place.
03:37It was worth the trip.
03:41I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends?
03:45I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience but just a really nice hotel?
03:52Can't it be both?
03:54Doesn't it feel kind of nice?
03:56My skin feels so awake.
03:59Oh my God, seriously?
04:01Who knew?
04:04Hela's in Norway.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06This is completely your bag.
04:07You love feeling bad.
04:11What are you doing over there?
04:15Looking for your cell phone.
04:17The Val should have numbers by now.
04:18Oh, I already talked about the airport.
04:20Come over here.
04:21Get under these blankets.
04:22You talked about?
04:24What'd she say?
04:25It's on the list.
04:31Congratulations.
04:33Good.
04:34Great.
04:35Yeah.
04:35Now come over here.
04:36Have some brandy.
04:37It's so good.
04:39Where on the list?
04:40Oh, stop it.
04:42It's a bestseller.
04:43I know.
04:43I'm just curious where.
04:45Top 20.
04:47Top 20?
04:48Yeah.
04:49But like closer to 11 or closer to 20?
04:52You're impossible.
04:53You're the most impossible bestselling author I know.
04:58Come over here.
04:59Why?
05:00Just come here.
05:02Look at this.
05:05That is amazing.
05:10Oh God, I always wanted to see it.
05:13One time in Canada I came close, but this is so much better than I ever imagined.
05:20Kind of looks like a screensaver.
05:21Oh yeah.
05:21Stop, stop, stop.
05:23Sit.
05:26There you go.
05:28There.
05:29Isn't that warmer?
05:31Warmer than what?
05:34You can almost hear it, can't you?
05:40Oh, it's turning purple.
05:41Oh, look at that.
05:49Guess what?
05:51Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee.
05:54Okay, so pee.
05:56Yeah, but is the toilet going to be made out of ice?
05:59What if I stick to it?
05:59Here, don't pee, but shh.
06:01Go, please.
06:03How many please?
06:18Okay, so funny when you can go.
06:19You're the one on the floor.
06:20All right.
06:20You're the one on the floor.
06:21What are the two swiping together?
06:23All right.
06:24All right.
06:24You're the one out there.
06:25Ooh, wait.
06:26Ah, ah, ah, ah
06:56Uh, this is your captain speaking.
07:04Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air.
07:07Should be smooth sailing for a while.
07:09So we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seatbelt sign.
07:14Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol.
07:26May we get you anything?
07:45Nope.
07:47Uh, who's flying today?
07:49Carol.
07:49On the flight deck is Captain John McConnell.
07:52And also, First Officer Tom Deegan.
07:54These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time.
07:59And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft.
08:05You're in good hands.
08:09That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays.
08:11You doing this because she freaked me out?
08:13Uh, that's an affirmative, Carol.
08:15Please stop that.
08:17It's much more spacious up in first class.
08:20Sure you want to be more comfortable there?
08:21It has lie-flat seats.
08:23You could get some rest.
08:25I'm fine where I'm at.
08:28Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right?
08:52Anyone with conversational ability, yes.
08:55Tell me about the non-English speakers.
08:56Certainly.
08:57What would you like to know?
08:58Anything.
08:59Everything.
09:01Well, let's see.
09:02There's Bora Kolak, a 60-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul.
09:05He speaks Turkish in Los Katz.
09:07In Bali, there's Aida Udui, 23, speaks Indonesian Balinese.
09:13She's a contortionist and a dancer.
09:15Performs the barong, the lagong, jibog.
09:18It's all quite exquisite.
09:19I'm sure.
09:19Keep going.
09:20Sidor Ameles in Sardinia is a fisherman.
09:23Or he was, but he's 89 and retired.
09:27There's Mary Kuxiakintola, lives in Mazarula, Soto.
09:30What does she do?
09:32Her family raises Basoto ponies, but she's only eight years old.
09:35She hasn't decided on the profession.
09:37Next.
09:39Abdul Karim Al-Shari lives in Aiden, Yemen.
09:41He's a 37-year-old muezzin.
09:44Muezzin, that's a...
09:45What is that?
09:47He sings a call to prayer.
09:49He has a powerful tenor voice.
09:51He also loves cats.
09:52Okay.
09:56But are there any medical doctors, any scientists or an expert of some kind?
10:02Oh, yes.
10:03According to Time Out magazine, Takeoki Tanaka Nosaka makes the best uro noodles in the entire Keihan Shin.
10:09That's not what I meant.
10:10Nope.
10:12All right, that makes what?
10:15Six.
10:16So you didn't say anything about the guy from, uh...
10:20Where was it?
10:21Uh, Paraguay.
10:22What about him?
10:23Uh, his name is Manucio Zoviedo.
10:25We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours.
10:28He manages a self-storage facility in Asuncion.
10:31So far, he hasn't really communicated with us.
10:36Ha.
10:38I want to talk to him.
10:39He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani.
10:42Do you want us to translate for you?
10:44No.
10:45I'll manage.
10:48First thing, once I get home.
10:49We could try him right now, if you like.
11:09He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact.
11:10Try it again.
11:29Uh, hola, senor?
11:52I think we got, uh, cut off or something.
11:59Try it again.
12:00Hola, yo soy Carol Sturka.
12:20Uh, estoy de los...
12:21United States.
12:22Get him back.
12:31Get him back.
12:34Get him back.
12:35We're sorry, Carol.
12:57We don't think it was personal.
12:59No.
13:29I'm sorry.
13:30Hi, Carol.
13:34Really, please let us know if there's...
13:36Carol, one second.
13:41We have something for you.
13:49We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you.
13:52We think you're really going to like what's in the box.
14:07Anything else we can do for you, just let us know.
15:52Do you know about what's in this box in my mail?
15:54Hello?
16:22Okay.
16:24Here's what's going to happen.
16:26You're going to forget everything you know about Helen.
16:28Every memory.
16:30Every thought she ever had.
16:32Get her out of your head.
16:34again. Never think about her again. Only I get to remember her. You got that? Only me.
16:55Then how come you know he was a big dummy? Well, there were already three other people in town.
17:01But that's beside the point. One day, I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady Hickenlooper
17:09and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles.
17:18I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever
17:25I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
17:55What the hell?
18:25Good morning, Carol. What's with the food? It's the exact meal you had at that B&B you stayed
18:41at in Provincetown. 2012. Remember? You were there to see the Undigo girls. You were very
18:47complimentary of the chef that morning. It really stuck with her. The sorghum flour and the pancake...
18:52So you took it upon yourself to make me breakfast?
18:55Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare. You've only got tonic water, half a carton
19:00of oat milk, a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives...
19:04I told you Helen was off limits.
19:06Yes, of course, Carol.
19:07So, how the... How do you know what is in my fridge?
19:12Teresa from Mary Maids. You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour.
19:19Is the food not to your liking? Would you like us to make you something else instead?
19:23Nope.
19:27I want you to leave me alone.
19:30It shows what you know, fuckers. It's three-quarters of a carton.
19:51I'm not a creepier. You have to leave us alone.
19:53Let's go.
19:54That's what I want.
19:55Thanks a lot.
19:56Thanks a lot.
19:57I have a hand on my hand.
19:58I'm on my hand.
19:59A gun.
20:00Bye.
20:01I have a weapon.
20:02I have a box.
20:03I can see the at the top of my head.
20:04I have a menu.
20:05I can see the at the top of my head.
20:06I can see everything.
20:07Okay.
20:08I'll leave you alone.
20:09I'll go ahead.
20:11I can see that.
20:12I can see...
20:13I can see him.
20:14You have a knife.
20:15I can see him.
20:16I can see him.
20:18This is another way.
20:19What the fuck?
20:49What happened to my sprouts?
21:01Are you the grinch who steals supermarkets?
21:04So sorry.
21:05We're consolidating resources to centralize useful items for distribution.
21:10Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses or what used to be private homes.
21:16It's just more efficient.
21:18Fine. Fine. I get it.
21:21Is there something specific you need?
21:23We can deliver to you anytime, anywhere.
21:25I am not going to call you every time I need something.
21:28I don't want you waiting on me.
21:31I am a very independent person, okay?
21:34I always have been. I fend for myself.
21:38I just want my sprouts back.
21:41Absolutely. Will do.
21:43Okay. Great.
21:47So, what, um, can we say Friday, maybe?
21:54I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back.
21:58We'll be there in a moment.
22:00We'll be there in a month.
22:13I don't want to say Friday.
22:14Okay.
22:15Bye.
22:16Bye.
22:16Bye.
22:16Bye.
22:17Bye.
22:17Bye.
22:18Bye.
22:19Bye.
22:20Bye.
22:21Bye.
22:22Bye.
22:23Bye.
22:26Bye.
22:26Bye.
22:27Bye.
22:28Bye.
22:28Oh, my God.
22:58Oh, my God.
23:28Oh, my God.
23:58Oh, my God.
24:28Oh, my God.
24:58Oh, my God.
25:28Oh, my God.
25:58Oh, my God.
26:28Oh, my God.
26:59You have got to be fucking kidding me.
27:02Oh, my God.
27:32Okay, good.
27:33Why are you turning them off everywhere else?
27:35For conservation.
27:36Just the ones that aren't necessary, which are, well, most of them.
27:40What?
27:41Lights aren't necessary for you guys?
27:42You just see in the dark?
27:43Oh, no.
27:44Not at all.
27:45It's just that there's no crime to prevent.
27:47And we're not working at night.
27:49Except for the light.
27:50Except for the light.
27:50Except for the light.
27:50Except for essential operations.
27:51Water treatment, hospitals, things like that.
27:53Right.
27:53So it's more of your efficiency.
27:54Yes.
27:55You donated twice to the Sierra Club.
27:58So we felt you'd understand.
27:59If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights.
28:03No.
28:03Screw it.
28:03Leave them off.
28:04Who gives a shit?
28:05Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
28:08Cheer me up?
28:09Why?
28:10I'm fine.
28:12I'm so happy.
28:14There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix.
28:17You got one of those?
28:18Because I think that would be the perfect topper for the greatest week in human history.
28:21I think that would be the perfect topper for the best.
28:44Fuck it.
28:45I think that would be the perfect topper for the best.
29:15It must have just been the excitement of the moment.
29:24But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs
29:29up the volcano while they gave me my birthday wax.
29:34Well, and you're not going to believe this.
29:45I don't think that would be the perfect topper for the best.
29:51I don't think that would be the perfect topper for the best.
29:54I don't think that would be the perfect topper for the best.
30:07yeah hi sorry it took so long
30:15a hand grenade yes we thought you were probably being sarcastic but we didn't want to take the
30:24chance were you being sarcastic right of course you were do you want us to take you know what
30:39we just gonna we'll get rid of it feel better Carol hey do you maniacs drink
30:54it's okay you can bring the hand grenade
30:59does the whole world get drunk when you drink like does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words
31:21when you knock one back no it doesn't work like that how do you say cheers in Sanskrit
31:27shiba must do roughly it means may everyone be blessed well then shoot shoot shoot shoot
31:38you know the word vodka is a diminutive of water meaning water very similar to the Latin aqua we
31:53tie literally water of life that becomes a Scandinavian aquavit although the drinks are
31:59very different fun fact whiskey has the same root meaning in Scots Gaelic from wish car Baja you don't
32:07say what gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness it's distilled from both potato and
32:18corn it is slightly alkaline do you taste that lower shelf alcohol tends to be acidic the chief distiller
32:26learned the process from his grandfather and now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain
32:29how long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee
32:39it's it's hard thing to predict scientific advances tend to ebb and flow that's not an answer how long
32:49we're working around the clock it could be as soon as a couple weeks or it could take months
32:57or longer that's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know
33:04regardless sooner or later I'm fucked sorry Carol we have a biological imperative
33:15you people make no goddamn sense do you know that we want to make you happy you say your life is your
33:24own you say an agency I've got all this agency but I mean I guess I have agency just until I don't
33:33Carol if you were walking by a lake and you saw somebody drowning would you throw him a life preserver
33:43of course you would you wouldn't think you wouldn't wait you wouldn't try to get consensus on it
33:50you just throw it
33:52so now I'm drowning
33:56you just don't know it
33:59well uh you people are brainwashed is what you are I mean what could possibly be
34:10so great about this mind meld of yours actually let me guess it's uh it's all beautiful scenery
34:19and you feel nothing but contentment just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is
34:27perfect it's it's like living inside a postcard every second of every day basically it's every
34:35rick steve special ever right that kind of bullshit like you're you're uh taking a hike in the woods and
34:41there's a warm rain and the trees are so tall you can't even see the tops or you're having coffee on
34:49the canals in amsterdam and it's like you're in a coffee commercial or you're taking a walk at sunset on
34:56the most flawless beach in croatia or you're in norway above the arctic circle and
35:03in a hotel made of ice under a pile of furs
35:11i told you that helen was off limits
35:27you are a bunch of mind fuckers
35:40wow you got this thing really jammed in there don't you
35:55please be careful with that right link you would give me a real hand grenade
36:02carol if we may
36:06come on
36:18oh
36:19cold
36:21oh
36:23hot
36:28i Fr
36:29I
36:31You... you gave me...
36:47Oh, sh...
36:53Oh, shit.
36:55Fuck.
36:57Uh...
36:59Oh, fuck.
37:09Uh, okay, I-I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:12It's okay, Carol.
37:14Elvis, come on.
37:29I'll go get some help.
37:32Oh, fuck.
37:34Oh, fuck.
37:36I'll go get some help.
37:38Let's go.
38:08Can we join you?
38:15We're happy to say, Zosia's doing much better.
38:18There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage.
38:21She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're gonna want to keep an eye on.
38:25She's resting now.
38:29Can we get you a fresh change of clothes?
38:35Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day.
38:42Why would you give me a hand grenade?
38:45You asked for one.
38:48Why not give me a fake one?
38:52Sorry if we got that wrong, Carol.
38:59If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade?
39:02Yes.
39:04Even after last night, you would give me another?
39:07Oh, sure.
39:09Okay, what about a bazooka?
39:14And the thing a bazooka shoots a rocket or whatever?
39:18Yes.
39:20All right.
39:22All right.
39:25What about, I don't know, a tank?
39:30Mm-hmm.
39:35What about an atom bomb?
39:39Why would you want one?
39:43To blow shit up?
39:45For kicks?
39:46I mean, does it matter?
39:47You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake.
39:50It'd be okay to say no at this point.
40:00That would be sane.
40:02Not utterly batshit crazy.
40:07If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon,
40:11we would weigh the pros and cons with you.
40:16We would explain that it would be very destructive.
40:19Yes or no?
40:24Ultimately, yes.
40:27Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it.
40:32But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol.
40:40Would you like an atom bomb?
40:46I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:49Okay.
40:52Okay.
40:53Okay.
40:54Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
40:57Uh...
40:58One sugar with oat milk, right?
40:59And maybe a pinch...
41:00You can go.
41:01You can go.
41:02You can go.
41:03one sugar with oat milk, right?
41:04You can go.
41:05You can go.
41:06I can go.
41:07I can go.
41:08You can go.
41:09Oh, my God.
41:10You can go!
41:11What?
41:12I can go.
41:13I can go.
41:14I can go.
41:15I can go.
41:16I can go.
41:17I can go.
41:18The glass will show, think how the beauty's fair.
41:46Thou dial howl, thy precious minutes waste.
41:55Thys vacant leaves, thy mind's imprint will bear.
42:02And oh, this boo, this cloudy mace, thou taste.
42:16The glass will show, think how the beauty's fair.
42:32The glass will show, think how the beauty's fair.
42:40The glass will show, think how the beauty's fair.
42:43The glass will show, think how the beauty's fair.
42:50And now, the glass will show, think how the beauty's fair.
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