- 2 weeks ago
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Is this the worst Christmas ever?
00:00:14Oh, yeah. I hope I have one more holiday.
00:00:17But if I don't, my dying wish is that you'd be engaged by Christmas.
00:00:23Well, Grandpa, I am engaged.
00:00:26We're getting married on New Year's.
00:00:31He drove all the way here to New York with me just to meet you.
00:00:34His name is Todd. Let me go get him, okay?
00:00:37Just get some rest.
00:00:38Fuck.
00:00:41Oh, yeah.
00:00:43That's how I sit right now.
00:00:46Fuck.
00:00:48Tom, what are you doing?
00:00:49Oh, hey.
00:00:52This is a bad time to say I want to break up.
00:00:54Tom, what the fuck? Are you cheating on me?
00:00:56I never want to see you again.
00:01:00Hey, what's her deal?
00:01:08Oh, don't worry.
00:01:09Your grandpa's going to make a full recovery.
00:01:11Your engagement gave him the will to live through Christmas.
00:01:17Who am I going to bring home for Christmas?
00:01:19I can't believe I have to hire a prostitute to be my fake boyfriend.
00:01:28I can't believe I have to hire a prostitute to be my fake boyfriend.
00:01:28please your highness we can't do this we must go back to monrovia for christmas now
00:01:56no it's and if i go back now my mother will have me engaged to some boring european socialite by new
00:02:02years no i just for once i want a normal holiday ah and we have one other issue your mother the queen
00:02:13is on the phone right now hi mother henry i want you to come home at once i can't mother because i'm
00:02:25uh spending the holidays with my girlfriend girlfriend nonsense really who is she oh don't
00:02:34tell me she's american she is an american uh she's an american heiress uh a uh shoe heiress
00:02:43the reception it's bad gotta go
00:02:47sir you cannot lie to the queen like that why on earth did you hire a model because with the photos
00:03:00of the model you hired i can prove to my mother that i have a girlfriend and i can have an american
00:03:06christmas alone all right at least take off that silly hat oh i like it
00:03:13what what the hell are you doing you hit me what's what you're doing me what you're the idiot that
00:03:23wasn't paying attention who rides a scooter waiter god you americans are so self-employed okay listen
00:03:29i'm sure when i'm late and i'm trying to meet somebody and shit he's wearing his hand hat he's the
00:03:35project dude i have it it's you
00:03:37this must be the model peterson hired yes it's me all right why don't we get this photo over with
00:03:50i don't have time for all the legality okay then why are you taking a photo of me why don't you know
00:03:56about the photo she must not be the model peterson hired i thought you just go around taking photos
00:04:01of strangers that's pretty creepy you know that right oh my god she thinks that's creepy miss i'm
00:04:07okay look i don't know you and i don't care i have to be at my campus in an hour she has no clue i'm a
00:04:11prince look i can only pay you five thousand dollars for you to come home with me you have an email
00:04:16american girls are so forward five thousand dollars dude listen i don't know how much time that's my entire
00:04:22savings we have a deal or not listen there must be some sort of confusion
00:04:28one moment too she's just going to keep calling if i don't recall mother i don't have time for this
00:04:36i know you're with your new fiance i just wanted to call and say she's gorgeous you have my blessing
00:04:44to stay there for christmas i do that's great okay bye oh my god i'd rather thank you my fiance
00:04:51if i go back to monroe you'll be in an arranged marriage with a snob by february what is the
00:04:57confusion i pay you to come home with me until christmas and pretend to be my boyfriend until
00:05:00new year's do we have a deal or not we've got a deal
00:05:03you've got a deal good good bye venmo i don't have it all over which place of venmo
00:05:14make something up henry just henry first one that comes up
00:05:19sent and here are the rules this is my grandpa's last christmas and he's very sick i don't have the
00:05:28heart to tell him that i broke up with my boyfriend and any upset to kill him so no surprises
00:05:31no lies and also i am not having sex with you sex let me just let this prostitute is weird
00:05:39it's a long drive to my parents i'll meet you there in about six hours
00:05:43just show up as a normal american guy who loves christmas okay oh and um drop the accent
00:05:51accent your mother wants more pics of your fiance i mean this with utmost respect but
00:05:58what the hell are you doing peterson it's perfect my mother in the press will leave me alone i can
00:06:06have a real american christmas she doesn't know who i am i can just be a normal guy as long as
00:06:10you're discreet about it no one should know who you are
00:06:16they won't
00:06:18we have one hour to find american clothes for my american christmas get some clothes for you and the
00:06:23guards as well soon you and i will be in a lovely place called
00:06:28hello
00:06:35oh sweetie i'm so glad you're here oh let's get you inside
00:06:42well this isn't grandpa's former favorite merry christmas loser are you here solo again
00:06:49merry christmas to you too katie
00:06:57bell katie's gonna need the room with the bigger bed this time she has a brand new very rich boyfriend
00:07:04and you of course are coming home alone again
00:07:08i actually i am don't be silly mom she's just a single loser look at her she's ugly and her snatches dry
00:07:18well i can see why she's still single look at these love handles
00:07:24okay you know not all guys like more cushion for the cushion
00:07:29fatty no more cookies for you this christmas
00:07:33if you keep it up i'll shove a cookie up your ass
00:07:37okay both of you now stop so sensitive
00:07:41she's just jealous because i can keep a man
00:07:44oh my god does she know
00:07:46actually i am seeing someone
00:07:50yeah right is he imaginary are you hallucinating i think you should go bell
00:07:58i don't think grandpa's heart could take the side of a single loser
00:08:04i am not single i have a boyfriend and he's gonna be here any minute
00:08:14if you have a boyfriend then where is he
00:08:17if he doesn't show him i'll have a great goose
00:08:20darling where shall i put these
00:08:42meet my boyfriend
00:08:46who the hell is he
00:08:59mom
00:09:00aunt moira
00:09:01katie
00:09:03this is
00:09:05henry
00:09:05henry on now
00:09:07oh i call bullshit
00:09:10this is just some guy she got off the street
00:09:13and this car obviously a fake
00:09:16why are you driving a bentley with the royal family emblem
00:09:24well um i'm actually a driver for the royal family of monrovia
00:09:33a driver like a servant
00:09:39that's pathetic
00:09:41did he come with the car
00:09:43well grandpa's definitely gonna have a heart attack
00:09:45when he realizes how desperate you are
00:09:48nice to meet you
00:09:53nice
00:09:53thank you
00:09:54thank you
00:09:54merry christmas
00:09:55ah thank you
00:09:56merry christmas
00:09:56forget about them
00:09:59let's just try to have a calm christmas
00:10:01for grandpa
00:10:02i'll go finish dinner preparations
00:10:05the royal driver
00:10:10oh that's your plan
00:10:12i'll pretend to be the prince of monrovia
00:10:13the prince
00:10:15the prince
00:10:18imagine
00:10:18no
00:10:19no
00:10:20no
00:10:20i'm just a regular guy
00:10:22who likes uh regular american christmas
00:10:25okay
00:10:26look i'm not paying extra for that
00:10:29don't worry about that
00:10:30i'm uh i'm good friends with the driver
00:10:32anyway um
00:10:33your your family seems pretty intense
00:10:37may i ask um why an amazing woman like yourself needs to hire someone to be a boyfriend
00:10:43my fiance left me a few weeks ago
00:10:47grandpa's just pretty fragile and i haven't had the heart to tell the truth
00:10:51i i know what it feels to have to live up to your family's expectations
00:10:56whoever your ex is he uh he sounds like an idiot
00:11:01bell henry meet my new boyfriend
00:11:04tom what are you doing
00:11:11my cousin screwed my ex
00:11:16you say anything and i'll tell grandpa that you were busy getting reared by some guy
00:11:44while he was on his deathbed
00:11:46he won't want an obsession
00:11:47what you
00:11:48no
00:11:51no
00:11:53grandpa
00:11:54todd and i have never met
00:11:55ever when i felt you i felt they cheated on me
00:11:59turns out he's fucking my cousin
00:12:01that's also his ex
00:12:04grandpa
00:12:05i want you to meet my new boyfriend though
00:12:08henry
00:12:08her boyfriend
00:12:10lovely to meet you
00:12:12grandpa
00:12:13any uh
00:12:15man who gets to be with phil is uh the luckiest man in the world
00:12:18he's a driver
00:12:20for the royal family
00:12:22allegedly
00:12:23oh nice
00:12:25both my girls are happy and in love
00:12:28that's going to help me make the truth this christmas season
00:12:32well
00:12:33i hate to ruin christmas grandpa but
00:12:36phil is lying
00:12:38there is no way that this loser is her boyfriend
00:12:42uh
00:12:44belle
00:12:44is this true
00:12:46if you find out henry is a cowboy the trauma could kill him
00:12:50this loser isn't her boyfriend
00:12:56she paid him
00:12:57how would you know that
00:13:00todd
00:13:01oh i know a lot more than you think
00:13:03loser
00:13:03okay hey how about you focus on your relationship instead of mine
00:13:08because you're lying to this family
00:13:10it's obviously some homeless guy you picked up off the street
00:13:13are you paying him to screw you too
00:13:16oh
00:13:16well i'm like your new boyfriend i don't have to pay you get some
00:13:20fine
00:13:21twat
00:13:22yes
00:13:23you want another
00:13:25no
00:13:26i
00:13:28you're upsetting grandpa
00:13:30i'm sorry grandpa but it's better that you know that looms perfect is paying a prostitute
00:13:36that's insane you have no proof
00:13:39oh yes we do
00:13:40your venmo receipts
00:13:42share them in public
00:13:44look i can only pay you five thousand dollars for you to come home with me
00:13:47your venmo
00:13:48shit
00:13:49what's the venmo
00:13:50ah right here looks like you paid someone five thousand
00:13:53what the hell
00:13:55oh my god
00:13:59what are those men here for
00:14:03woman
00:14:10you break my phone and then you break my phone
00:14:18and then you break my face you idiot
00:14:20i could have done much worse and very lucky
00:14:22it's okay baby i can open my phone and prove little miss perfect is lying
00:14:29she then mowed five thousand dollars to some guy named henry
00:14:33that doesn't prove anything
00:14:37that doesn't prove anything yes it does no no first of all why would i use my own name and
00:14:42second henry is the most popular name in the united states and third look closer that account
00:14:49belongs to a henry wrong look at that picture that's an asian man that's an asian man then why did you pay five thousand dollars to some guy named henry with a house emoji next to it
00:15:01thank god thank god i must have ended with some random henry
00:15:04okay think faster because henry wong is um
00:15:09she's my new landlord
00:15:12there there it's settled
00:15:15you know could we please just go and have a peaceful dinner together
00:15:19i would love that
00:15:21yeah yeah okay
00:15:22okay baby
00:15:26you may have our geriatric grandpa fooled but i don't believe that guy's your boyfriend
00:15:35for a second
00:15:36hmm
00:15:37maybe you're trying to fuck him too
00:15:39laugh all you want but i have the man and grandpa's gonna die soon so i'll get a house too
00:15:46what are you talking about
00:15:48oh he didn't tell you did he
00:15:52everybody i have an important announcement i've been thinking long and hard over who will get the house after i'm gone
00:16:02so i've made a decision
00:16:05whichever one of my granddaughters marries first gets the house immediately
00:16:09gets the house immediately
00:16:16but
00:16:17but mom still lives here
00:16:19maybe she can live on the street
00:16:20or she can run back from us until we bulldoze it
00:16:23you can't bulldoze it
00:16:24well we had every christmas here this is where all of our memories are
00:16:28maybe if you had kept your man happy you wouldn't be in this position
00:16:32oh unlike you who's been in every position
00:16:39i should get an award for rescuing todd from a fish who's only talent was to play dead
00:16:45okay we need to stop fighting the hurting grandpa
00:16:49your whore face is hurting him stop bleeding bitch
00:16:53i can't stand this fighting
00:16:56no regrets
00:16:57i know how to stop the fighting
00:17:00he's proposing to her with the reading and me
00:17:07lady
00:17:08the most beautiful woman on this planet
00:17:12will you marry me
00:17:13yes sir yes
00:17:14yes
00:17:15yes
00:17:16yes
00:17:17yes
00:17:18the house is mine
00:17:22the laying is mine
00:17:23and the land is mine
00:17:25Merry Christmas to me bitch
00:17:30ready
00:17:31wait
00:17:32what are you doing
00:17:41no
00:17:42Well, will you bury me?
00:17:51Say yes, what are you waiting for?
00:17:54You want to take the house, don't you?
00:17:58And what does look really happy?
00:18:02Yes!
00:18:05Yes!
00:18:07A happy Christmas! A double wedding!
00:18:10You hijacked my proposal!
00:18:12You hijacked my boyfriend.
00:18:13You are so selfish, Beth!
00:18:15You always make everything all about you!
00:18:17These two losers are just trying to steal Grandpa's house!
00:18:20You weren't planning to propose it.
00:18:22Where's your ring? Where is it?
00:18:23Where is it?
00:18:24I have a... I have a ring right here.
00:18:27I didn't want to make Todd's look so pathetic.
00:18:30It's much larger.
00:18:31Wow.
00:18:32How the hell did he get that?
00:18:35It doesn't matter.
00:18:37What matters is my two granddaughters are going to be married before I die.
00:18:44It's a Christmas miracle!
00:18:47A double wedding!
00:18:48I can hardly believe this.
00:18:50Me neither.
00:18:51Okay, but who gets the house, Grandpa?
00:18:53You technically engaged first.
00:18:56You're right.
00:18:57That does make things more complicated.
00:19:01Your grandmother loved having Christmas in this house more than anything.
00:19:07So whoever shows the most Christmas spirit gets the house.
00:19:13Oh!
00:19:14It's a great idea, Grandpa.
00:19:16If you guys would just excuse me, I would like to talk to my fiancé.
00:19:21Alone?
00:19:22For just a minute.
00:19:23Yeah.
00:19:27Where's the ham?
00:19:31What the hell is wrong with you?
00:19:32You just proposed to me in front of my entire family?
00:19:34Look, you were supposed to be my fake boyfriend until New Year's, now my fiancé.
00:19:41I'm sorry, I just got caught up in the moment.
00:19:45If you think you're going to get paid extra for this on this big ring, you are insane.
00:19:50You should be thanking me.
00:19:52I'm the one who saved you from your psychotic cousin getting one in your grandpa's house.
00:19:56Okay, listen, buddy.
00:19:57I am not some damsel in distress.
00:19:59I don't need to be saved.
00:20:00Really?
00:20:01Because last time I checked, I wasn't the one hiring a fake boyfriend for Christmas.
00:20:05Huh.
00:20:06Which was going perfectly fine until you lied, said you were a driver for the growth family
00:20:11of Monrovia and then proposed to me.
00:20:15I could go out there right now and tell your family everything.
00:20:19You want that?
00:20:21What you can do is drop this annoying fish out of water act and stick to the plan.
00:20:28I don't think you find me annoying.
00:20:31I think you find me quite charming.
00:20:41I find you exhausting.
00:20:43Hmm.
00:20:47And what the hell are you doing with that kind of a ring?
00:20:49Who are you?
00:20:50What are you doing in victory?
00:20:52I am so sorry.
00:20:53I didn't mean to interrupt.
00:20:54Oh, no, it's okay.
00:20:55He just can't keep his hands on me.
00:20:56That's right.
00:20:57I can't get enough of my through key.
00:20:58You're too little love bird.
00:20:59I just came to show you where you'd be sleeping.
00:21:01Look, we fight the engagement till the trip is over.
00:21:02But until then, do not blow our cover.
00:21:03Kill.
00:21:04Kill.
00:21:05I'm releasing you.
00:21:06You need to call for dogs.
00:21:07That's okay.
00:21:08I'm releasing you.
00:21:09You need to call for dogs.
00:21:10That's okay.
00:21:11It's okay.
00:21:12It's okay.
00:21:13He just can't keep his hands on me.
00:21:14That's right.
00:21:15I can't get enough of my through key.
00:21:17That's okay.
00:21:18Look, we fight the engagement till the trip is over.
00:21:20But until then, do not blow our cover.
00:21:23Kill.
00:21:24Kill.
00:21:30Peterson, I'm releasing you.
00:21:32You need to call for dogs.
00:21:33But, sir...
00:21:35I will call you if I need you.
00:21:37I'll have a nap.
00:21:38Enjoy your Christmas.
00:21:39But your mother, sir...
00:21:41That's an order.
00:21:42Goodbye.
00:21:43The room isn't that big.
00:21:48No problem at all.
00:21:50We love the color.
00:21:52Oh, and Todd and Katie are in the next room over.
00:21:54Great.
00:21:55I'm sharing a wall with my ex and the psycho he left me for.
00:21:59Let me know if you guys need anything.
00:22:01More Ben, are you serious?
00:22:14Might be hard to keep my distance.
00:22:21Don't worry.
00:22:22We won't make too much noise with all the bullying we're about to do.
00:22:26I know.
00:22:27Oh, that's right, Belle.
00:22:28You don't know how to make a man make noise.
00:22:31Uh-uh.
00:22:32Uh-uh.
00:22:33Good night.
00:22:34Mm-hmm.
00:22:35Ah, my nose.
00:22:37Oh, absolutely not.
00:22:42I'm not one of your clients.
00:22:44Clients?
00:22:45Hmm.
00:22:46Must be an American term.
00:22:47Well, um...
00:22:48I'll just take a shower and sleep on the floor, I guess.
00:22:53Oh, come on.
00:22:54Where's my phone?
00:22:55Oh.
00:22:56Okay, whatever.
00:22:57Oh, I'm sorry.
00:22:58I'm sorry.
00:22:59I'm sorry.
00:23:00Ah!
00:23:01Ah!
00:23:02Ah!
00:23:03Ah!
00:23:04Ah!
00:23:05Ah!
00:23:06Ah!
00:23:07Ah!
00:23:08Ah!
00:23:09Ah!
00:23:10Ah!
00:23:11Ah!
00:23:12Ah!
00:23:13Ah!
00:23:14Ah!
00:23:15Ah!
00:23:16Ah!
00:23:17Ah!
00:23:18Ah!
00:23:19Ah!
00:23:20Ah!
00:23:21Ah!
00:23:22Ah!
00:23:27Ah!
00:23:28Oh, my God.
00:23:29Oh, my God.
00:23:30Oh, my God.
00:23:31Oh, look, sir.
00:23:32I'm so sorry.
00:23:33No, no, no, it's fine.
00:23:34I, I, I, I, I'm just, I'm just gonna go.
00:23:41Oh.
00:23:42Yeah, of course.
00:23:47Hey, Ellie.
00:23:48Hey, Ellie.
00:23:49Yeah.
00:23:50Yeah, yeah, whatever you need.
00:23:51Hmm.
00:23:56Oh.
00:23:57Sorry, Ava.
00:23:58Sleep shirtless.
00:23:59Hope you don't mind.
00:24:01No.
00:24:02Right.
00:24:07You know, it's bad enough that I broke my heart and crossed Christmas and now I have to share a freaking wall with them.
00:24:12I'm sorry.
00:24:13That's awful.
00:24:14Want me to sing your lullaby?
00:24:16No.
00:24:19Good night.
00:24:26Oh, my God.
00:24:27Are they having sex?
00:24:29Look, this is my nightmare.
00:24:33I, I have an idea that might make them jealous.
00:24:36What?
00:24:37We should have sex.
00:24:38We should have sex.
00:24:44No, I, I am not sleeping with you.
00:24:46No, no, no.
00:24:47Pretend sex.
00:24:48We just got engaged.
00:24:49So, it would be weird if we didn't have sex.
00:24:52Right?
00:24:53Okay.
00:24:54So, how do we have pretend sex?
00:24:56I'm sorry.
00:24:58Belle!
00:25:00Belle!
00:25:01Belle!
00:25:02Oh, my God!
00:25:03That feels so good.
00:25:04Belle!
00:25:05I'm not doing that.
00:25:06I'm not doing that.
00:25:16Belle!
00:25:17You're the sexiest woman alive!
00:25:18Oh, Andy, this is the best sex I've ever had!
00:25:21Open your every heart!
00:25:23Oh, my God!
00:25:24Belle!
00:25:25Belle!
00:25:26Belle!
00:25:27Belle!
00:25:28Belle!
00:25:29That's so good.
00:25:30You couldn't do that.
00:25:31No!
00:25:32No!
00:25:53What am I doing?
00:25:58I'm paying him.
00:26:00He's a professional sex worker.
00:26:01Hey, I think that's enough pretending for tonight.
00:26:05Right.
00:26:07Guess we just got a little carried away.
00:26:10You might.
00:26:12Night.
00:26:23There's no way those two are having sex.
00:26:35They're not even in the same bed.
00:26:38What a way to find out.
00:26:40Huh?
00:26:45You better hurry up because round two is waiting for you.
00:26:53Did you hear that?
00:26:55Shit, I forgot to lock the door.
00:27:01I knew it!
00:27:02I couldn't get used to America.
00:27:29You watching me sleep?
00:27:31Uh, no.
00:27:34Uh, well, about last night, I, uh...
00:27:42Don't fall for him, Bell.
00:27:45He has sex for a living.
00:27:47I'm probably just another client.
00:27:51We don't have to talk about it.
00:27:53I think it's best if we keep things professional.
00:27:58Professional?
00:27:59Right.
00:28:00Of course.
00:28:05Uh, well, I, I should probably grab Grandpa's gift before you accept her.
00:28:12Yeah.
00:28:13I could have sworn she felt it too last night, but, uh...
00:28:16Maybe she was just pretending.
00:28:18Oh, I think I'll let this go.
00:28:32Oh, I think I'll let this go.
00:28:32It's perfect.
00:28:33Grandpa's gonna love it.
00:28:34I can't wait to turn Bell's sweet gift to Grandpa into trash.
00:28:49Look, we just have to get the Christmas presents at the house, and we'll be fine.
00:28:59Grandpa Joe, in the spirit of Christmas, we've decided we're throwing you a holiday party.
00:29:05Katie, that's so thoughtful of you.
00:29:08It's so thoughtful of us, yes.
00:29:10Better brush up on your Monroviant lies, Mr. Uber driver.
00:29:14The party is at a Monroviant restaurant.
00:29:17Better get packing.
00:29:20If I go to a Monroviant restaurant, you will recognize me.
00:29:23No one will know I'm the Prince of Miss' cheesy Christmas sweater.
00:29:34Mm-mm.
00:29:35Your Highness.
00:29:43Why is the busboy bowing?
00:29:46We move in custom.
00:29:50How do you do?
00:29:51Thank you for your service.
00:29:56That is the dumbest custom I have ever heard of.
00:29:59Maybe I can't actually get away with this.
00:30:03Oh, my God.
00:30:04It's you.
00:30:10Oh, my God.
00:30:12It's you.
00:30:13So good to see you.
00:30:15Monroviant is such a small country.
00:30:19Listen, I don't know who I am, so.
00:30:21Your discretion is appreciated, don't you?
00:30:23Of course, sir.
00:30:27The busboy will show you to your table.
00:30:30Right, right this way.
00:30:37The Prince of Monrovia touched me.
00:30:39That's it, just one gift in a cheap gift bag?
00:30:55That's what you get for having a broke fiancé.
00:30:57Well, for your information, I got this gift on my own.
00:31:01Not everyone needs a man to support them.
00:31:04Why don't you and your broke boyfriend take your shitty gift and go sit over there at the bar?
00:31:10Grandpa doesn't need anything fancy.
00:31:12He wanted a gift from the heart.
00:31:14But you don't understand that, because you don't have one, do you, Katie?
00:31:17I may be heartless, but at least I won't be homeless.
00:31:20The house is mine, whoreface.
00:31:27Wow, so many gifts.
00:31:30Thanks to my finance, fiancé, we got you an all-you-can-eat royal cruise to Cabo worth $200,000.
00:31:39This is very generous, indeed.
00:31:44We can all go together after you give us the house.
00:31:47Belle, did you want to help?
00:31:49I mean, your fiancé.
00:31:51Can you get Grandpa anything for Christmas?
00:31:53Sure.
00:31:54It's right here.
00:31:57Oh, my God.
00:31:59They replaced my big dog shit.
00:32:02Don't be embarrassed.
00:32:03Let's see it.
00:32:04Can't be.
00:32:05Oh, my God, Belle, you ungrateful bitch.
00:32:12You got Grandpa's dog shit?
00:32:14No.
00:32:15Grandpa, look with Belle and that loser got you for Christmas.
00:32:19Oh, my God, Belle, you ungrateful bitch.
00:32:26You got Grandpa's dog shit?
00:32:27No.
00:32:35You idiot!
00:32:39Oops.
00:32:39I'm so sorry, ma'am.
00:32:41Please, let's give me shoes.
00:32:42You got poo all over my shoes.
00:32:44Get off, get off!
00:32:48Let me clean that up for you.
00:32:54Grandpa, that wasn't your gift.
00:32:56Give me one moment.
00:32:59You asshole.
00:33:00You switched the bags.
00:33:02Where is my gift for Grandpa?
00:33:03Oh, that old suit.
00:33:04When I donated it, I thought it was for the whole shelter.
00:33:07You threw away my gift for Grandpa, replaced it with shit?
00:33:10To be fair, it was a pretty shitty gift to begin with.
00:33:14Guess you don't have anything to give to Grandpa.
00:33:16This is ridiculous.
00:33:19I'm going to tell the truth.
00:33:21Are you sure you're going to start a little fight, Belle?
00:33:23You ain't got to sit, Grandpa?
00:33:25Huh?
00:33:26What's going on?
00:33:27That bell.
00:33:29Wasn't I supposed to be opening your gift now?
00:33:32I would rather Grandpa think I didn't give him anything.
00:33:35This could tell.
00:33:36Grandpa, I'm sorry I didn't get you the gift.
00:33:40I...
00:33:40Um, that's right.
00:33:42She didn't get you just one gift.
00:33:45She got you...
00:33:46Many.
00:33:48Payson.
00:33:50Koala.
00:33:51Well, let's see what you got, loser.
00:34:05I'm in finance.
00:34:06He does investments for J.P. Morgan and you?
00:34:10You opened doors for people.
00:34:12There's no way you can afford better gifts than me.
00:34:16Oh, really?
00:34:17Yeah.
00:34:18Well...
00:34:18Grandpa Joe, Merry Christmas.
00:34:22The royal crystal glass statue signed by the late great King George III on his deathbed.
00:34:30That's his signature.
00:34:32What does he have there?
00:34:34Second.
00:34:37The deed to a castle in the Czech Republic.
00:34:40It's quite roomy, actually.
00:34:42Indeed.
00:34:42Oh, and, um, Mel mentioned that you liked my Rolex, so you may have it.
00:34:50You're giving me your watch?
00:34:53Yes.
00:34:54I...
00:34:54No, this is too generous.
00:34:56It's a...
00:34:56I just...
00:34:57I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Grandpa, but there's no way a bottom feeder who sits in traffic for living could afford this.
00:35:07It's fake.
00:35:08Looks real to me.
00:35:10That's not King George III's signature.
00:35:14Because this is his real signature.
00:35:17Yeah.
00:35:18Look at that.
00:35:19That means that this is worthless.
00:35:22Yahoo!
00:35:30What are you doing?
00:35:31You just smashed a $20 million statue.
00:35:36His signature looked like that because he was on his deathbed.
00:35:42He was dying.
00:35:45Please, just stop this.
00:35:48I mean...
00:35:48We stop all this insanity.
00:35:51Grandpa's heart can't take this.
00:35:52Fine.
00:35:53For the sake of Christmas, we'll pretend the statue was real.
00:35:57But this...
00:35:58Who even has handwritten deeds anymore?
00:36:02Hello?
00:36:03Like, no one.
00:36:05Woohoo!
00:36:06That deed...
00:36:09Was written in 1756.
00:36:14Before computers were invented.
00:36:17Yeah.
00:36:18Right.
00:36:18And I'm sure this royal Rolex right here is ancient too, huh?
00:36:23Do the...
00:36:24Do the...
00:36:24Make a fool out of Grandpa with your cheek knockoff on Christmas of all days.
00:36:30Here's a distinct psychopath.
00:36:33Todd!
00:36:33Todd!
00:36:34Todd!
00:36:34Todd, stop it!
00:36:35Whatever.
00:36:36I can get Grandpa 10 Rolexes if I wanted and all of them would be real.
00:36:41Oh.
00:36:43Oh, only the royal Rolex watch has diamond deers.
00:36:49And it just smashed the royal Rolex.
00:36:52Oh, fuck that watch.
00:36:59It's real.
00:37:00Of course it's real.
00:37:02All of this isn't real, you fool.
00:37:04Ah!
00:37:05You idiots!
00:37:06The castle is real.
00:37:10We couldn't use that money.
00:37:13You brought this man into our families?
00:37:18This man who ruins Christmas?
00:37:20All of the gifts are destroyed!
00:37:24Well, um, not, uh, not every gift, Grandpa Joe.
00:37:31This one is, uh, for Mel and I.
00:37:44This is the true meaning of Christmas.
00:37:49Katie.
00:37:49Hey, you two keep doing this.
00:37:54And you better find a hotel to stay in at Christmas.
00:38:00Hey, hey, hey!
00:38:01What the hell are we gonna do now?
00:38:03My mom will for sure give them the house.
00:38:05Once I exposed Belle's boyfriend as a fraud, she's never getting the house.
00:38:11J.P. Morgan just promoted me.
00:38:13Hey, I have access to royal accounts.
00:38:17I can prove he's not on the royal payroll.
00:38:20You're a genius, baby!
00:38:22I would like to give a formal apology for storing the gifts.
00:38:32But I promised to replace all of them thanks to my new promotion.
00:38:36Cheers to my new loaded fiancé, J.P. Morgan's new account manager to the royal family.
00:38:43He's the account manager for the royal family.
00:38:49He'll find out who I am.
00:38:54He's gonna see that you don't really work for the royal family.
00:38:57We're screwed.
00:38:57It's okay.
00:38:59Don't worry about that.
00:39:00This guy is full of crap.
00:39:02And I'm going to prove it.
00:39:04Congratulations, Thot.
00:39:06Now tell me, how did you land such a marvelous job?
00:39:10Well, I've been calling the royal family for months now.
00:39:14Treating them to five-star dinners, designer suits, and yacht parties.
00:39:18I bet you've never been to the royal family, have you, bitch?
00:39:25That's a lie.
00:39:26I've never heard of this man in my life.
00:39:29That's great.
00:39:31Well, if you'll excuse me, I've taken use the loop.
00:39:44Hello?
00:39:46Your Highness, sir.
00:39:47Our new account manager is misappropriating funds.
00:39:51He's spending it on yacht parties and five-star dinners.
00:39:55Look into it.
00:39:56Of course.
00:39:57Of course, Your Highness.
00:39:58I'm so sorry.
00:39:59I will take care of this.
00:40:00Great.
00:40:04Gary!
00:40:05Bring me the royal accounts.
00:40:09Well, it's the man of the hour.
00:40:11I was just about to tell everyone about how you're lying to all of them.
00:40:15You're not a driver for the royal family.
00:40:17What are you talking about?
00:40:21Grandpa, this liar isn't even employed by the royal family because he isn't on the royal
00:40:27payroll.
00:40:28I'm not on the payroll because I get paid in Monrovian cash.
00:40:37Really?
00:40:38Then where is it?
00:40:39Okay.
00:40:40I've got some right here.
00:40:44I'm going to sell my cash.
00:40:46Let's see that Monrovian cash.
00:40:48Oh, the insane person would rip up cash.
00:40:59And isn't it a felony?
00:41:00She's right.
00:41:01Ripping up cash is a felony.
00:41:02Come on, explain yourself.
00:41:03That's right.
00:41:05It's a felony in America, but in Monrovia, it's tradition.
00:41:12That's right.
00:41:13It's a New Year's tradition.
00:41:14We tear up the first bill of the year.
00:41:17Darn it.
00:41:20I'm all out of cash.
00:41:22What a hot tradition.
00:41:23You see, I live with a royal family, so typically they cover all my expenses for my services.
00:41:31Technically not a lie.
00:41:32Really?
00:41:33You see, then how do you buy things?
00:41:36Like fake gifts.
00:41:37Oh, I know.
00:41:38You stole them.
00:41:40No, I don't steal.
00:41:41I use my card.
00:41:44See?
00:41:46That's a royal Monrovian credit card.
00:41:49Oh, please.
00:41:50Anyone can tell that card is fake, just like everything else about him.
00:41:53Well, there's one way to find out.
00:41:55Put the entire party on that card.
00:41:57Waitress?
00:41:59Can we get the check?
00:42:00Over there.
00:42:01The total is $10,000.
00:42:04Hey, look, you don't actually pay me.
00:42:06You just tell them you don't have anything to prove.
00:42:09Run the card.
00:42:14Thank you so much.
00:42:16I like this.
00:42:18The card went through?
00:42:19The card works.
00:42:22Okay, great.
00:42:22My fiance covered your entire Christmas party, so let's have it.
00:42:25Now.
00:42:26Not unless you stole it from the royal family of Monrovia.
00:42:28I demand that you leave the name on that card.
00:42:32Whose name is it?
00:42:34Oh, no.
00:42:35My real name is on the card.
00:42:37Ah-yah!
00:42:37Who the hell is Harold Boone-boone-roving him?
00:42:46He doesn't know my real name.
00:42:48What is in this card?
00:42:49He stole it.
00:42:50Wait, let me see that.
00:42:53Why does this have the royal insignia on it?
00:42:55You stole the prince's card.
00:42:57Well, you should be sent to jail for identity theft.
00:43:02What sort of a person did you bring into our family, Bill?
00:43:06Tell me.
00:43:07Tell me it's not true.
00:43:08No, I...
00:43:09I didn't.
00:43:09He didn't.
00:43:10You stole the credit card.
00:43:13No, no.
00:43:13I didn't steal the card.
00:43:16The prince, uh...
00:43:18gave it to me.
00:43:20The prince, uh...
00:43:22gave it to you?
00:43:23All right.
00:43:24Give him a call, then.
00:43:25Have him confirm it.
00:43:26Yeah, call him and put it on speaker phone.
00:43:29Oh, I can't.
00:43:30Oh, the prince, the prince is me.
00:43:32Okay, everybody stop.
00:43:34Okay, the truth has to come out.
00:43:36Grandpa, I am so...
00:43:38so sorry.
00:43:40Henry has been lying to everybody.
00:43:42Henry can't call the prince because...
00:43:45he is, he is the prince.
00:43:53Him?
00:43:53Him?
00:43:53Him?
00:43:53Him?
00:43:54Him?
00:43:54Him?
00:43:56Well, then I'm the sultan of Brunei.
00:44:01I think the waitress has been drinking.
00:44:04You should go before I get you fired.
00:44:07Honestly, if he's stealing the royal credit card, who knows what else he's capable of.
00:44:11Aunt Moira is right.
00:44:12You are a danger to this family.
00:44:14And I'm gonna call the cops.
00:44:16You're finished.
00:44:17Okay, you have to tell them the truth.
00:44:19You could go to jail for life.
00:44:20I have a feeling this rule will be sorted out soon.
00:44:23You don't understand.
00:44:24In America, what you do for a living is not legal.
00:44:28What I do for a living?
00:44:30What the bloody hell are you talking about?
00:44:33Well, cops are called.
00:44:36You're finished, Uber boy.
00:44:37You're gonna be spending the rest of your life behind bars.
00:44:44Oh, perfect timing.
00:44:45You're under arrest for embezzlement.
00:44:47Even if you prove she's not embezzling, you'll find out he's a cowboy and lock him up forever.
00:44:52Officer, I swear there must be a misunderstanding.
00:44:55Not you, him.
00:45:03Me?
00:45:04Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm all of you guys.
00:45:06What are you talking about?
00:45:07Uh, Demas, you're under arrest for embezzling funds from J.P. Morgan and the royal family of Monrovia.
00:45:12No, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:45:15Do 200K cruise ship, yacht party, designer suits sound familiar?
00:45:18This is a setup.
00:45:20My future son-in-law would never do that.
00:45:23Yeah, you should arrest him for fraud and identity theft.
00:45:26He schemed this entire thing.
00:45:29Just give me one phone call.
00:45:31I will call the CEO of J.P. Morgan and he will clear all of this up.
00:45:38I'll bury this right now.
00:45:41Thank God you called, sir.
00:45:43You are fired, fuckwad.
00:45:45You have been sending from J.P. Morgan for months.
00:45:47Enjoy prison, asshole.
00:45:51Well, I...
00:45:52Baby, baby, you believe me, right?
00:45:55You believe me, don't you?
00:45:56You bail me out.
00:45:56You love me.
00:45:57You love me.
00:45:58Don't insult me, Todd.
00:45:59I don't date poor people.
00:46:01We're done.
00:46:02Oh!
00:46:03What?
00:46:04Babe!
00:46:05Babe, it's not possible.
00:46:06I can't go to jail.
00:46:07I'm scared of dropping the soap, baby.
00:46:12Okay, how did you pull that off?
00:46:13How do you know people are J.P. Morgan?
00:46:15Why don't you tell me the truth?
00:46:16We, um, we're together.
00:46:19Oh, my God.
00:46:21He has clients at J.P. Morgan.
00:46:23Uh, no, actually, yeah.
00:46:25It's okay, the details aren't important.
00:46:27You got me a house, and that's what matters.
00:46:30You can wipe that smoke smile off of your twat face if you don't have a house yet.
00:46:35Grandpa said whichever granddaughter got married first wins the house, and your whore of a daughter is single now, so I win.
00:46:45No, Grandpa said whoever has the most Christmas spirit gets the key, including me.
00:46:52And you can't exclude my darling daughter just because she's single.
00:46:56Mom's not calling me that.
00:46:59Tomorrow, we have a fake-off.
00:47:02And whoever bakes the best Christmas cookies wins the house.
00:47:09Daddy, what do you think about cookies?
00:47:15Grandmother loved cookies.
00:47:18I think it's a lovely idea.
00:47:21Fine.
00:47:22Deal.
00:47:22You're festive.
00:47:24And you better bring tissues for when you sob over your homeless bitch mother.
00:47:30Well, if you'll excuse us, Aunt Moira, I've got to go find a recipe to kick your ass.
00:47:38Mom, I can't bake.
00:47:40I'm just a single loser.
00:47:44Pull yourself together.
00:47:46We are going to win that bake-off and get you the house, even if we have to put Gramps in the hospital.
00:47:52Do you want to put Gramps in the hospital?
00:47:54No, but I'll make damn sure that Belle's cookies will.
00:48:05Are you ready to bake Christmas cookies for your mom?
00:48:09Who do you think?
00:48:10You can come into Grandpa's kitchen after what you did to my daughter?
00:48:14You called my fiancé arrested.
00:48:16Yeah, well, he was my fiancé before you spread your legs.
00:48:19You bitch.
00:48:20Do not touch my fiancé.
00:48:25Whatever.
00:48:26When Grandpa tastes our cookies, he'll know exactly who deserves the house.
00:48:31The kitchen is taken.
00:48:34You'll have to bake with the crack addicts under the bridge.
00:48:39Fine.
00:48:41Bye.
00:48:41Bye.
00:48:41Where are we going to find the kitchen?
00:48:50I want to save the house, but really all I wanted to do is make cookies for Grandpa's last Christmas.
00:48:57Uh, just give me a moment.
00:49:03It's, um, I need you to find me an estate with a nice kitchen.
00:49:08But, sir, it's the Christmas holiday, and we're in Buffalo.
00:49:12You'll find it.
00:49:13When do you expect to move in?
00:49:1620 minutes?
00:49:1620 minutes?
00:49:1620 minutes.
00:49:16I've never been to a royal estate before.
00:49:32Hey, how long has the royal family had a place in a estate in New York?
00:49:35It's, uh, fairly recent, and...
00:49:39Ah!
00:49:42A ball.
00:49:44I must remove this.
00:49:46There you go.
00:49:48I, um, gotta be honest, I, uh, have never baked before.
00:49:54Well, it's time to learn.
00:49:56I, um, gotta be honest.
00:50:26Your family never did this with you.
00:50:28Hmm.
00:50:29My parents were always preoccupied with work.
00:50:34My dad was, um, not around very much.
00:50:38Yeah.
00:50:39I do.
00:50:40Is he not coming home for Christmas?
00:50:41No, he, he died a few years back.
00:50:45So sorry.
00:50:47My granddad died a few years back.
00:50:49It must be hard.
00:50:50It suddenly became a very big responsibility.
00:50:54I'm sure it was very hard for you as well.
00:50:57Not really.
00:50:59I mean, he, he really wasn't around much, and it's not like he was a good person.
00:51:04You know, he liked my mom a bunch, and she gave him way too many chances, so...
00:51:08But, that's why I have my rule.
00:51:11Lie to me, and you're done.
00:51:13Great.
00:51:14I tell I'm really a prince.
00:51:16She'll never forgive me.
00:51:17Oh.
00:51:18Huh.
00:51:20Do you miss the spot?
00:51:21Uh, may I?
00:51:23Wait, does she not like me?
00:51:45Look, I want you to know.
00:51:47I don't care who you are.
00:51:49Oh, I...
00:51:50Santa Claus, do you know who lives and it's ever...
00:51:55Say, to my heart, I want to fall in love this Christmas.
00:52:02Santa, that would be the greatest gift of all.
00:52:06Send me an extra stockade that hangs next to me on the wall.
00:52:13Set up, send me a love for Christmas.
00:52:16Set up, send me an extra stockade that hangs next to me on the wall.
00:52:21Can we take this to the royal bedroom?
00:52:23Yes.
00:52:24Come on.
00:52:31I...
00:52:31No, I...
00:52:33I...
00:52:33I just can't quite yet.
00:52:36Wait, what do you mean?
00:52:38I can't sleep with her if I'm lying to her.
00:52:41But if I tell her the truth, we could lose her.
00:52:44I...
00:52:45No, I...
00:52:45I...
00:52:46I just can't.
00:52:52You must not like me.
00:52:53I mean, uh...
00:52:54Well...
00:52:56Wait...
00:52:58No, it's fine.
00:52:59Um...
00:53:00No, really, I shouldn't get right to pass on my cookies anyway, so...
00:53:03No, it's...
00:53:03No, it's...
00:53:04No, it's...
00:53:07Okay...
00:53:12This cookie can be just for Grandpa.
00:53:21Yeah.
00:53:23Alright, well, the cookies need to cool before I can frost them, so...
00:53:33We should...
00:53:34Clean up.
00:53:39Look at their basic, boring-ass bitch cookies!
00:53:45They should be grateful we're making their cookies a little bit better with some laxative.
00:53:50Grandpa will poop his pants and blame it on Belle.
00:54:03I'm gonna go put the frosting on the cookies.
00:54:10Oh, those are beautiful, sweetheart!
00:54:15They look delicious, Belle.
00:54:18What do we have here?
00:54:24Three-year-old on TikTok could've made better cookies.
00:54:26But they could never make an elaborate gingerbread house that was made by my perfect daughter for you.
00:54:34You cannot compare this gingerbread mansion with basic dough turds.
00:54:40How did they make that?
00:54:43How did they make that?
00:54:44I don't think they did.
00:54:46My goodness.
00:54:48That's what I've never said, Katie.
00:54:50You must have worked days.
00:54:51Katie is absolutely exhausted from all of that gumdrop blowing.
00:54:56But lack of sleep is a small price to pay for you little tight spirit.
00:55:01Very impressive house.
00:55:03Very impressive house.
00:55:04Must have taken a lot of work.
00:55:05But not from you.
00:55:07Because you purchased a house and a bakery.
00:55:11How dare you accuse us of purchasing this from a bakery?
00:55:22With a fake receipt.
00:55:24It has your signature.
00:55:26You used Grandpa's credit card to buy the gingerbread house.
00:55:31You're just stalling to prevent Grandpa from trying Belle's turd cookies.
00:55:35You're right, Katie.
00:55:36Grandma should try one.
00:55:37Because it's actually homemade.
00:55:38Right.
00:55:39Yeah.
00:55:40Enjoy.
00:55:41Please.
00:55:42It's like bottom shelf Betty Crocker.
00:55:43Actually, it's Grandma's recipe.
00:55:44That way she can still be here even though she's gone.
00:55:46You understood.
00:55:47The Christmas spirit assignment perfectly, Belle.
00:55:48You don't like her cookies more than mine.
00:55:49Yes, you won't.
00:55:50I'm sorry.
00:55:51I'm sorry.
00:55:52I'm sorry.
00:55:53I'm sorry.
00:55:54I'm sorry.
00:55:55I'm sorry.
00:55:56I'm sorry.
00:55:57I'm sorry.
00:55:58I'm sorry.
00:55:59I'm sorry.
00:56:00I'm sorry.
00:56:01I'm sorry.
00:56:02I'm sorry.
00:56:03I'm sorry.
00:56:04He won't.
00:56:05Once he's hospitalized for dehydration.
00:56:08Go ahead, Dad.
00:56:09Take a bite.
00:56:10Why did I tell?
00:56:22Mmm.
00:56:23It tastes just like your grandmother's.
00:56:30Why aren't the laxatives working?
00:56:32It takes a while for the drugs to start working.
00:56:34What?
00:56:35What to start working?
00:56:36Sugar levels.
00:56:37We all know Grandpa's sugar levels are so important.
00:56:40By sugar levels, do you mean the laxatives that you put on our cookie?
00:56:47The only reason that Grandpa is not sick right now is because we threw out that cookie.
00:56:52We didn't do anything to your cookies.
00:56:55Well, then, why don't you give it a try?
00:56:59I'll try your gross cookie.
00:57:02That's an easy one.
00:57:07Then...
00:57:08What is happening?
00:57:10I didn't even do anything.
00:57:11I didn't like this.
00:57:12No!
00:57:13It's so funny!
00:57:14What?
00:57:15Where'd it go?
00:57:16What the world?
00:57:18What are you these?
00:57:24Oh, that's right. I didn't throw out that cookie. I left it right here on this plate.
00:57:47You're eating that cookie.
00:57:48Oh, come on. No. No. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Shit. No.
00:58:05Hey, you guys killed Grandpa.
00:58:07That wasn't me. The relatives were in your purse. I saw them.
00:58:12Oh, right. Another life just like your gingerbread house.
00:58:15I admit. We bought the gingerbread house, but I would never hurt you, Grandpa.
00:58:18I am disappointed in you, Katie.
00:58:21With my heart condition, I could have died of demigration.
00:58:26Why isn't everything my fault? It was Belle.
00:58:29Belle didn't bring a frogster into this house.
00:58:32She didn't break all of my Christmas gifts.
00:58:35And she didn't put lastits in the cookies.
00:58:38But...
00:58:39I think you and your mother should go stay at a hotel.
00:58:45But, Grandpa...
00:58:46Enough of your shenanigans, Belle.
00:58:51The key to the house is yours.
00:58:54Thank you, Grandpa.
00:58:57All I wanted was a place for Mom to live.
00:59:07Why is the Queen calling in?
00:59:09Oh!
00:59:10Um...
00:59:11Ah, that's just a...
00:59:17It's a little inside joke that I have between me and my mom.
00:59:21Just obsessed with the royal family, I guess.
00:59:23Yabby.
00:59:27My mom.
00:59:30Why are you calling me?
00:59:32You said you would leave me alone until New Year's.
00:59:34Is that any way to talk to your mother, Henry?
00:59:38Since you bought an estate in the armpit of America,
00:59:42hmm?
00:59:42Stopped responding to Peterson,
00:59:45called off the guards,
00:59:46and failed to send me any photographs,
00:59:49I thought we'd spend Christmas together
00:59:51and find out exactly what's going on.
00:59:54No, we can't spend Christmas together.
00:59:56I'm...
00:59:56I'm in Buffalo.
00:59:59Give me the phone.
01:00:01Yes?
01:00:03We would love to invite your family for Christmas.
01:00:06Henry's family is our family.
01:00:09How is Mom coming to Christmas without everyone finding out she's the Queen?
01:00:12She'd like to speak with you.
01:00:13Glad somebody understands hospitality.
01:00:23Why is the Royal Caravan in our driveway?
01:00:26Also, we're outside.
01:00:28Peterson gave us the address.
01:00:30Oh, is that the Prince?
01:00:45That would be my parents.
01:00:49They work for the Royal Family, too.
01:00:54Oh.
01:00:54As servants.
01:00:57Okay.
01:00:58Pardon me one moment.
01:01:00I'll be right back.
01:01:12Ah, there you are.
01:01:15What's going on, Henry?
01:01:16I thought your girlfriend was an heiress.
01:01:19This house is rather small.
01:01:21About that,
01:01:23she's not an heiress.
01:01:25Er, she's a regular American.
01:01:28A commoner.
01:01:31An American.
01:01:32Henry, are you trying to kill me?
01:01:35What else aren't you telling me?
01:01:37She doesn't know that I'm the Prince?
01:01:41Or that you're the Queen and King?
01:01:44What in God's name does she think we are?
01:01:49Servants?
01:01:51Oh, no.
01:01:53Henry?
01:01:53Where are you?
01:01:55If she sees you dressed like this, she will know I'm the Prince.
01:01:58Please, please, go change.
01:02:00I'd like this girl.
01:02:02Please, go.
01:02:03Go.
01:02:03Hey, where are your parents?
01:02:09They, er, they needed a moment to freshen up a little.
01:02:13Oh.
01:02:14Let's go this way.
01:02:17I can't consider it, my dear.
01:02:20Do you remember how dumb I was when I was his age?
01:02:24When I was chasing after you?
01:02:26Oh, if you suppose there's a commoner.
01:02:30Besides, what the devil would we wear?
01:02:43Happy holidays.
01:02:45It's lovely to meet you.
01:02:55Well, uh, these are my parents.
01:02:59Vicky?
01:03:00Vicky?
01:03:01And, uh, Eddie.
01:03:04You're welcome.
01:03:06Thank you, m'lady, for your hospitality.
01:03:12This must be the guest house.
01:03:16She's pretty.
01:03:17Or an American.
01:03:18I take that as a compliment, Mother.
01:03:20Something's not right.
01:03:22I love your necklace.
01:03:25It's so expensive for someone who cleans toilets for living.
01:03:30It was a gift from m'lady the queen for cleaning flow so well.
01:03:36You know, our floors are absolutely filthy.
01:03:40You wouldn't mind cleaning them while you're here for us, would you?
01:03:43I normally don't speak to the hell, but I'll make an exception for you.
01:03:47Well, aren't you a pinch?
01:03:50I'm ready to give them birth to the royal smackdown.
01:03:53Eddie, it's time to set the table.
01:03:55Would you, would you like to help me, Vicky?
01:03:56Help.
01:03:57What would you be willing to set our table just like you would for the royal family?
01:04:03I mean, I'd really like it.
01:04:05She's never set a table before in life.
01:04:07She'll give us all the way.
01:04:10Right.
01:04:11Done.
01:04:19Wow.
01:04:19I haven't seen such a beautiful table setting since my wife was alive.
01:04:32Cheers to new beginnings.
01:04:35Welcome, Vicky and Eddie, to our family.
01:04:40Cheers.
01:04:40Americans are so loud.
01:04:44And, ew, there's so much dairy in their food.
01:04:46My arteries are clogging just looking at this.
01:04:49Oh, don't be so stiff, Vicky.
01:04:52I quite like it.
01:04:53And look at our boy.
01:04:56He's never looked happier.
01:05:02We must be getting on.
01:05:04You owe me.
01:05:10I can drive you right now.
01:05:13I insist.
01:05:15Oh, that would be lovely.
01:05:17We could use the time to get acquainted.
01:05:20I hate her.
01:05:22Ever since we were little, she's always gotten everything.
01:05:24And now she's the house.
01:05:26Don't you worry about this shitty house.
01:05:29We are going to get you a palace.
01:05:31But how?
01:05:32We're going to follow those servants back to the royal estate.
01:05:36And that you, the prince.
01:05:54Oh, my God.
01:05:56It's the prince.
01:06:02Come to me, my princess.
01:06:05Madam, I am not the prince.
01:06:08That's exactly what a secret prince would say.
01:06:11I'm not a prince when I see one.
01:06:14Marry me.
01:06:15Make me your princess.
01:06:16Madam, madam.
01:06:17I am not.
01:06:17Madam, madam.
01:06:18Madam, madam.
01:06:19I am not.
01:06:20Madam, please.
01:06:22Oh, dear.
01:06:26Kate, what are you doing?
01:06:28What does it look like?
01:06:29I'm getting a prince.
01:06:30Bow to me, bitches.
01:06:32I'm your queen now.
01:06:34My first act of business?
01:06:36You're all fired.
01:06:38That man is not a prince.
01:06:40He's a servant.
01:06:41What?
01:06:43I...
01:06:43I can't just serve it.
01:06:48I tried to warn you, madam.
01:06:51Madam.
01:06:52Bo?
01:06:53Give me a little chit-chat inside for a moment.
01:06:57Is my mother going to get away at the team?
01:06:59Uh, mother, can't it wait?
01:07:06We have loads to prepare for for Christmas.
01:07:10Don't question my authority, Henry.
01:07:13You must obey me.
01:07:16I'll be in for.
01:07:21I'll fake for the family, but I won't lie to her.
01:07:24What's your plan with my son?
01:07:29Well, I really like him, but I can't be with him because of his job.
01:07:34Well, his occupation does ask lots of him.
01:07:37Never enough to go round.
01:07:39Great.
01:07:40So he's not just a prostitute.
01:07:42He's a busy prostitute.
01:07:43He's been through a lot since his grandfather died.
01:07:46But it's a family business.
01:07:50Wait, so him and his grandfather both had sex with people for a living?
01:07:55What?
01:07:56You think my Henry and my beloved father are prostitutes?
01:07:59Wait, but if he's not a prostitute, then what is he?
01:08:02No!
01:08:05Don't!
01:08:12No!
01:08:16Don't have a conversation without me.
01:08:19Where were you talking about?
01:08:21Well, I was just inviting Belle and my grandpa and her mom to the Royal New Year's Hall.
01:08:27The Royal Ball?
01:08:28Seriously?
01:08:29Yes.
01:08:30That's when the prince will reveal his identity and stop his American shenanigans.
01:08:38Oh my gosh, this is incredible.
01:08:40Grandpa's going to be so excited.
01:08:43God, I can't wait to tell him.
01:08:45Oh, I...
01:08:47Right?
01:08:51Just like a prince in the family portrait.
01:08:54Out with it, Henry.
01:08:57Well, uh...
01:08:58The Royal Family had us painted like royalty for our years of service.
01:09:07Okay.
01:09:10I'm going to go tell Grandpa.
01:09:11Why did you invite her to the boar?
01:09:16Do you know I'm the prince?
01:09:17That's the point, Henry.
01:09:19How would any woman not want to fall in love with a prince?
01:09:23You think she loves me?
01:09:25I'm not blind, darling.
01:09:27And if you love her, you'll tell her the truth and stop lying.
01:09:31But what if I tell her the truth and she doesn't forgive me?
01:09:36It's a risk you'll have today.
01:09:39But if you don't tell her you're the prince before the boar, I will.
01:09:42Everyone got an invitation to the Royal Leader Ball except me?
01:10:00And I'm like a servant!
01:10:02You're expected to be invited after the way you treated Henry's parents?
01:10:05This is bullshit.
01:10:08Get me an invitation now!
01:10:10I would love to get you one.
01:10:12Except I'm just a lowly driver.
01:10:14Remember?
01:10:17I'll get an invitation anyway.
01:10:23Oh, Merry Christmas.
01:10:27Yes.
01:10:27Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
01:10:33I'm so clumsy.
01:10:35Excuse me, ma'am.
01:10:36Do I know you?
01:10:37No, no, no, of course not.
01:10:39But you know what?
01:10:40You are so handsome.
01:10:42I like you.
01:10:43You're welcome, Merry Christmas.
01:10:52Time to go back a prince.
01:10:57Hey, babe.
01:10:59Do you know that sex tape you have at you and Belle?
01:11:01Mom and everyone at the ball to know when it was perfect is a dirty little bitch.
01:11:07Did Belle receive the gifts I sent her this morning?
01:11:11Oh, what gifts are you talking about?
01:11:13Come on, this way.
01:11:16We are here to dress the family for the Royal Ball.
01:11:18With the exception of, and I quote, the trashy cousin.
01:11:21No, no, absolutely not.
01:11:23Please, you need to leave now.
01:11:25These are orders of the Queen.
01:11:27This is not the way to be treating your Royal Stylist.
01:11:31Uh, why is the Royal Stylist here?
01:11:38Who are these people?
01:11:40This is quite normal.
01:11:41For, uh, try not to lie, Henry.
01:11:45Christmas present from the Queen.
01:11:50And why would the Queen care about us?
01:11:52Because the Queen is a very generous woman.
01:11:58And Belle, listen.
01:12:01Your, your highness.
01:12:02Uh, I mean, um, Henry.
01:12:05We have to go back to the palace.
01:12:07Your mother needs you.
01:12:08This way.
01:12:09Uh, wait, your highness?
01:12:11Okay, Henry, what is going on?
01:12:12Why is everyone acting so weird?
01:12:14These people are here to help you get ready.
01:12:16I will explain everything at the ball.
01:12:19I promise.
01:12:21Okay.
01:12:28Whatever happens tomorrow, I want you to know that this is the best Christmas I've ever had.
01:12:37Owen, I left you a gift.
01:12:39What did he mean, whatever happens?
01:13:04Wow.
01:13:04Sweetheart, you look beautiful.
01:13:14Hey, want to have some champagne?
01:13:16Cool.
01:13:24Too bad your garage sale tiara doesn't cover your whore face.
01:13:28What are you even doing here?
01:13:30Forget Todd.
01:13:31We came to bag Katie a prince.
01:13:35Where is he?
01:13:36I don't care about the prince.
01:13:37I'm here to see Henry.
01:13:38Oh.
01:13:39Did your fiance dump you again?
01:13:42He's probably cheating on you.
01:13:44And you're so used to being a cuck.
01:13:46He's not cheating on me.
01:13:48Really?
01:13:48Then where is he?
01:13:50He's busy working.
01:13:52Come on.
01:13:53The guy takes secret phone calls and leaves all the time?
01:13:56Take it from me.
01:13:57He's probably boning someone else.
01:14:00Henry did need to tell me something.
01:14:02Maybe they're right.
01:14:03Maybe there is someone else.
01:14:05And after tonight, he might see you a little differently.
01:14:09What are you talking about?
01:14:12Let's see.
01:14:13Just wait for the show.
01:14:15Now, let's go bag a prince for my little princess.
01:14:19See that guy over there?
01:14:29Him?
01:14:30Of course.
01:14:32He asked me to give you this slideshow to play.
01:14:36If it's for the prince, I guess it's okay.
01:14:43God, she's perfect.
01:14:44I have to tell her the truth before it's too late.
01:14:50You look so beautiful.
01:14:52No, no, but there isn't much time.
01:14:55Can we talk?
01:14:56Oh, God.
01:14:57He wants to talk because there's someone else.
01:14:59I know that this is just a contract thing, and I didn't mean to lie to you.
01:15:08I can't believe this is happening to me.
01:15:10Again.
01:15:11God, I'm an idiot.
01:15:12It's...
01:15:13I'm fine.
01:15:14Okay, I already know.
01:15:17What?
01:15:18You know?
01:15:19How?
01:15:20I wish you had told me that you were in love with somebody else before.
01:15:23Wait a second.
01:15:24You think I'm in love with someone else?
01:15:28There is no one else but you.
01:15:34Well, good.
01:15:36Because I am in love with you.
01:15:38I love you too, Bill.
01:15:39You know, I haven't felt what family's supposed to feel like since Grandma died, but you brought
01:15:45that feeling back.
01:15:47And you gave me the American Christmas.
01:15:48I always wanted.
01:15:50Well, if there's no one else, then what did you want to tell me?
01:15:53I, um...
01:15:55I don't want to work for you.
01:15:58I want to be with you.
01:15:59But, um, I'm not the person I said that I was.
01:16:02I'm...
01:16:03Your Highness!
01:16:06Harry, you have to go.
01:16:08I have your jacket.
01:16:09Forgive me.
01:16:10I...
01:16:10I'm sorry.
01:16:12Uh, Your Highness?
01:16:13Sorry.
01:16:15What the hell is going on?
01:16:22Ladies and gentlemen, please stand for His Highness King Edward of Monrovia and Her Majesty
01:16:29Queen Victoria.
01:16:31And for the first time publicly in the United States, Prince Harold von Monrovingham of Monrovia.
01:16:56Oh, my God.
01:17:16Oh, my God.
01:17:17He's a prince.
01:17:18That's what he was trying to tell me?
01:17:25He's the prince of Monrovia.
01:17:27I'm your face.
01:17:30I knew I liked this kid.
01:17:32He's the prince?
01:17:34What the fuck?
01:17:35He's the prince?
01:17:37That means...
01:17:37Is it...
01:17:38Is the Queen of Monrovia just for our toilets?
01:17:42Oh, my God!
01:17:44Let her have her moment for now.
01:17:47My name is Prince Harold von Monrovingham.
01:17:51But to just one person here, I'm just Henry.
01:17:58You hate your identity.
01:18:00Why couldn't you just tell me?
01:18:02I didn't know if I could find someone who would love me for me, and not just my crown.
01:18:08So you lied.
01:18:09I know.
01:18:10I lied.
01:18:10But I didn't think that love was something that was possible for me until I met you.
01:18:16And now I'm terrified that you'll never forgive me.
01:18:19How could I ever trust you again?
01:18:23I told you, I hate liars.
01:18:25And that's exactly why I wanted to make this public.
01:18:29So that I could bring you back.
01:18:31Oh, will you...
01:18:33Will you marry me?
01:18:36For real this time.
01:18:38Be my princess.
01:18:44I...
01:18:45Stop.
01:18:46There's no way this bitch is becoming princess.
01:18:51Can't those Americans do anything normally.
01:18:54This whoreface is trash and doesn't deserve to be royalty.
01:18:58Please, Katie, stop you embarrassing yourself.
01:19:01The only thing embarrassing about this family is that little twat.
01:19:05Her whole goody-goody is an act.
01:19:08She fooled your son, and she doesn't deserve to be a princess.
01:19:11What are you talking about?
01:19:13Enough with this American insanity.
01:19:16My son was mid-proposal.
01:19:18Go on.
01:19:19Go on, Henry.
01:19:20No attention to this corner.
01:19:22Your Majesty's, about earlier.
01:19:24I'm sorry.
01:19:24Sorry about what?
01:19:26Asking me to scrub your toilets.
01:19:29We apologize, your highnesses.
01:19:31It does not make this understanding.
01:19:33No, I understand who you are very well.
01:19:37Cars.
01:19:37Get off me.
01:19:42Don't you want to know the truth about your future daughter-in-law?
01:19:46She is a whore.
01:19:47Watch it.
01:19:48There's nothing that you can say that can make me love Belle any less.
01:19:51You're a liar.
01:19:53I have nothing to hide.
01:19:55No.
01:19:56Apparently, we're all out there.
01:19:59Remember that little video you took with Todd?
01:20:02I don't think you'll like it.
01:20:03You can see what trash you are.
01:20:05That video is private.
01:20:06What video, Henry?
01:20:09What is she talking about?
01:20:10Now ask yourselves.
01:20:12Is this the kind of ho, ho, ho you want for a princess of your shitty country?
01:20:18Hit it.
01:20:30What the fuck?
01:20:31Where's Belle's sex tape?
01:20:33Belle, is that true?
01:20:34Don't listen to a word this lunatic has to say.
01:20:38She assaulted me and has been stalking the prince all along.
01:20:41He's lying.
01:20:43Just look at the video.
01:20:45I did it to the tech guy.
01:20:46And I promptly took care of it.
01:20:49Enough.
01:20:50This is nothing but a case of revenge porn.
01:20:54Now bow to the royal family and beg for forgiveness.
01:20:57What?
01:21:10Please forgive me.
01:21:12Not just to me.
01:21:13Also to the future princess of Monrovia.
01:21:16What?
01:21:17She isn't a princess.
01:21:19Not yet.
01:21:20Now bow.
01:21:21Your highness, I bow.
01:21:26I suppose that will do.
01:21:28And they'll offer you to the police station.
01:21:31Gars!
01:21:33Please, your highness.
01:21:35Forgive me.
01:21:37It was just a joke.
01:21:38Oh, a joke.
01:21:39Just when you assaulted my valet.
01:21:42Hmm?
01:21:42Gars.
01:21:43Now how's that for being okay?
01:21:46I'm calling my lawyer.
01:21:48Wait.
01:21:49I should be the princess of Monrovia.
01:21:51Me!
01:21:52Now, where were we?
01:21:54Henry?
01:21:54Oh, yes.
01:21:55On one knee.
01:21:56All right.
01:22:03Well.
01:22:05Well, you do me the honor.
01:22:07Being the wife of Prince Harold von Monroving.
01:22:12Me.
01:22:16No.
01:22:20I don't know who that is.
01:22:27But I will marry Henry.
01:22:31But never lie to me again.
01:22:33My goodness, I will never, ever lie to you ever again, my beautiful doll.
01:22:39Then I forgive you.
01:22:40Because I'm a prince.
01:22:42No, because you're you.
01:22:44I don't need these presents, this crown, or the royal estate.
01:22:48I just want you.
01:22:50You know, kiss already.
01:23:02That's an order.
01:23:07To the future princess of Monrovia.
01:23:12Princess Belle.
01:23:13Oh, these are quite comfy, actually.
01:23:28Oh, you know what?
01:23:32I'll, um, I'll get started.
01:23:33Um, this gift is for Belle.
01:23:36And it's a special token for the first time we've ever met.
01:23:42Oh.
01:23:43Is it another tiara?
01:23:49It's better than a tiara.
01:23:51For all the riches in my kingdom, you're the greatest gift I've ever received.
01:24:00Oh.
01:24:05I have the royal nappies, your highness.
01:24:13Alright.
01:24:15We've got the god.
01:24:18Well done.
01:24:19We have the angels.
01:24:21That life won't be them, anything else.
01:24:23And we do the great family.
01:24:25All hands.
01:24:26And the day we give the fellas to come.
01:24:28Bye.
01:24:29Bye.
01:24:30Bye.
01:24:31Bye.
01:24:31Bye.
01:24:32Bye.
01:24:32Bye.
01:24:32I'm going to get to my wife.
01:24:34We're back to bug.
01:24:34Bye.
01:24:35Bye.
01:24:35Bye.
01:24:36Bye-bye.
01:24:37Bye-bye.
01:24:37Bye.
01:24:37Bye-bye.
01:24:39Bye.
01:24:39Bye.
01:24:40Bye.
01:24:40Bye-bye.
01:24:41Bye.
01:24:42Bye.
01:24:42Bye.
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