- 1 day ago
Mr. Bean on Christmas 2025
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00:00Mrs. Brown
00:10Hello there.
00:12Here, look at this.
00:15Bono gave Grandad this VR thing.
00:18Well, my God, since his life went virtual,
00:21he's as happy as Larry.
00:23You'd think he'd know life before it.
00:26Actually, he didn't.
00:28Luke, come on.
00:34Season's greetings to you all.
00:37I'm looking forward to Christmas.
00:40Oh, just picked up the Christmas cards for today.
00:43Three.
00:44We used to get tons of them.
00:46Tons of them.
00:47I remember one year we got over 100.
00:50Not anymore.
00:52You get a text now if you're lucky.
00:56Oh, now, here's the Grinch.
01:02Post-ups?
01:03Nothing, darling.
01:05Good morning, Catty.
01:06Morning, Mammy.
01:08Are you all right, love?
01:09No.
01:10Did you decide what you want for your Christmas present?
01:12Yes.
01:13A washing machine with a built-in cocktail cabinet.
01:15Mammy, seriously, I hate Christmas shopping.
01:20Don't be old.
01:21Who have you to get for yet?
01:23Everybody.
01:25Hello, boy.
01:29Hello, Catty.
01:31Good morning, Mother.
01:33Mother?
01:34All right, how much you looking for?
01:36What do you want for Christmas, Dermot?
01:39I don't know.
01:40For God's sake.
01:41Guess what I want.
01:46Get lost.
01:47Right, I'll be back in an hour.
01:49No, she won't.
01:55Recycle?
01:56Ah, that's just a side hustle, Mrs. Brown.
01:58They give you back money for every empty plastic bottle you bring back.
02:01I have two bin bags full so far.
02:04They're a waste of fecking time.
02:06I mean, they only give you, what, five pence?
02:08No sense.
02:09No sense.
02:10It makes no bucking sense.
02:12Those two bags will probably get you 15 euro.
02:15No, Mrs. Brown.
02:16Just wait.
02:17I'm going to turn those two bags into 250 euro.
02:20Sounds to me like somebody's getting scammed.
02:24So, Dammit.
02:25How much you looking for?
02:26For God's sake.
02:29Just a tenner, Ma.
02:30I forgot me wallet.
02:31I knew it.
02:33So, what's your pitch?
02:34Ahem.
02:35God bless you.
02:38Whether it's waste, paste.
02:40Fuck it.
02:48So, Dammit, what's...
02:49Hang on.
02:52Let me know when you're ready, son.
02:55You'll be waiting a while.
02:58So, what's the pitch on this?
03:03Whether it's waste, paste, plates or grapes.
03:05Old files, tiles or skates.
03:07Face it.
03:08Everything comes to its end.
03:09So, remember, your wheelie bin is your friend.
03:12Bag it, tag it and stick it up your garden path.
03:22That's very good.
03:23Thanks, Ma.
03:24Eh, that tenner?
03:25Oh, yeah.
03:26When I get me first.
03:29Soup.
03:34Bit bland.
03:35Yeah, needs more salt.
03:41Here you go, son.
03:42Thanks, Ma.
03:47Grandad.
03:48No more skins.
03:51Hey, Bono.
03:52Should you not be studying?
03:53Eh, whatever.
03:54You need to put the work in.
03:55Thanks, Sharon.
03:56You better pass those Christmas exams.
03:58Don't worry about it.
03:59Lazy little shit.
04:00Not so little anymore.
04:01See, all right?
04:02That's not like him.
04:03First Christmas since we self and Betty split.
04:04He's a bit upset.
04:05Aww.
04:06You need to put the work in.
04:08Thanks, Sharon.
04:09You better pass those Christmas exams.
04:12Don't worry about it.
04:14Lazy little shit.
04:17Not so little anymore.
04:19Is he all right?
04:20That's not like him.
04:22First Christmas since we self and Betty split.
04:24He's a bit upset.
04:26Varno.
04:27Come here.
04:29Are you all right, sir?
04:31He makes a holy show of me, Granny.
04:33Slag him in front of everyone.
04:35Calm down eventually.
04:36Well, I won't.
04:38You can't be lazy.
04:39Look, I have some jobs around the house that need doing.
04:42Do a couple of bobbins for you.
04:44I'll do it for you, Granny, but I'm not taking money off you.
04:51The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Agnes.
04:54He's so like his father.
04:56You said it, wouldn't he?
04:57Mm.
04:58Mark was always so stubborn.
05:00Well, I think we know where he got that from.
05:03Reggie.
05:04No, I was going to say...
05:07Er...
05:09Nothing.
05:12Cathy asked me what I wanted for Christmas.
05:14No.
05:15What'd you ask her?
05:16I couldn't think of anything.
05:17Hmm?
05:18I bought Chardon a gorgeous Gwyneth Paltrow candle for her bedroom.
05:24I wouldn't be into that, no.
05:26No?
05:27You know how she makes them smell?
05:29No.
05:30She used the smell of her...
05:35Her belly button?
05:38Lower.
05:39Her seat?
05:40No, higher.
05:41Knees.
05:42No, higher.
05:43Knees.
05:46Higher.
05:48All we need now is for Bruce Foster to walk in the bookend door.
05:52And we have ourselves a game show.
05:54Nice to see you at the DNI.
05:58Wait a minute.
06:00Not her meow meow.
06:01For fucking what?
06:02Well, that's what I call it.
06:03Me meow meow.
06:04I hate it all now.
06:05Well, my mummy told me to call it...
06:06Me lady garden.
06:07False advertising, Winnie.
06:08More like an African swamp.
06:09Did you not give yours a name, Agnes?
06:10Yes, I used to call it St Bridget's Purse.
06:11That's cute.
06:12Then I had Dermot and I changed it to St Patrick's Haversack.
06:13I hate it all now.
06:16Well, my mummy told me to call it...
06:19Me lady garden.
06:21False advertising, Winnie.
06:23More like an African swamp.
06:27Did you not give yours a name, Agnes?
06:29Yes, I used to call it St Bridget's Purse.
06:32That's cute.
06:34Then I had Dermot and I changed it to St Patrick's Haversack.
06:44Three more this morning.
06:45That's six in total.
06:47You know, if somebody doesn't send me a Christmas card,
06:50I wind them up.
06:52You should see the look of confusion on their face.
06:57Watch this.
06:58How are you, Agnes?
06:59Hiya, Bernie.
07:00Do you want a cup of tea?
07:01Oh, I'd love one.
07:03That Christmas card you sent me was absolutely beautiful.
07:09Was it?
07:10Oh, yeah.
07:11Honestly, it's probably the nicest one I've ever had.
07:14Nearly brought me to tears.
07:16Aww.
07:17Really?
07:18I sure it was nothing.
07:21What you used to talking about?
07:23I was just telling Bordy how much our Christmas card meant to me.
07:26Ah.
07:27Didn't send me one.
07:30What's he got lost in the post?
07:32Well, if mine is anything to go by yours, it must be fabulous.
07:36What did you write, Bordy?
07:38Huh?
07:39Tell her. Go and tell her what you wrote.
07:40What was it again?
07:41Erm.
07:43Dear Agnes.
07:44Dearest.
07:45Dearest.
07:46Dearest.
07:47Dearest Agnes.
07:48Yeah.
07:49Happy.
07:50Merry.
07:51Merry.
07:52Merry Christmas.
07:53Yeah.
07:54You mad cow.
07:55You mad cow.
07:56Didn't say that, did I?
07:57No.
07:58You never even sent me a fucking Christmas card at all.
08:02I was wondering what was going on at how I was losing me marbles.
08:07Oh, here.
08:08See that candle?
08:09I had a sniff of it.
08:10It's going back.
08:14You didn't like it, no?
08:15It's not that, Bordy.
08:16It's just that Sharon's bedroom already smells like that.
08:20I get that, Bono.
08:21You be careful on that ladder.
08:22Oh, Father Damien.
08:23How's it hanging?
08:24Like the good Lord on the cross, Mrs. Brown.
08:25Painful.
08:26And a bit to the left.
08:27Well, thanks for dropping in.
08:28I'll get that, Bono.
08:29You be careful on that ladder.
08:30I'll get that, Bono.
08:31You be careful on that ladder.
08:32Oh, Father Damien.
08:33How's it hanging?
08:34Like the good Lord on the cross, Mrs. Brown.
08:35Painful.
08:36And a bit to the left.
08:37Well, thanks for dropping in.
08:39I was hoping to have a word, Mrs. Brown.
08:40In private.
08:41Oh, OK.
08:42Wait, Damien.
08:43Aren't you supposed to be doing confessions now?
08:44Oh, I am, yeah.
08:45This is the new door-to-door service I'm offering.
08:48Oh, OK.
08:49Oh, OK.
08:50Oh, OK.
08:51Oh, OK.
08:52Oh, OK.
08:53Oh, OK.
08:54Oh, OK.
08:55Oh, OK.
08:56Oh, OK.
08:57Oh, OK.
08:58Oh, OK.
08:59Oh, OK.
09:00Oh, OK.
09:01Oh, OK.
09:02Oh, OK.
09:03Oh, OK.
09:04Oh, OK.
09:05Oh, OK.
09:06Oh, OK.
09:07Oh, OK.
09:08That's what I'm offering.
09:09So, for penance, Mrs. Brown, we'll go with three Hail Marys and two Our Fathers.
09:13Bye, now.
09:15Wait a minute, what did I fucking do?
09:18Are you, Bono?
09:19Nothing, Trevor.
09:20There's tea in the pot, Trevor.
09:22You have a load of dental lemonade bottles in there too, Gran.
09:25Yeah, they're Buster's.
09:26He's recycling.
09:27This is looking lovely, Bono.
09:29Aye.
09:30And when I'm finished, they'll put up your tree if you like.
09:32I haven't even got a Christmas tree yet.
09:34Buster says he's on top of it.
09:36I'm sure busting up with just the goods.
09:38Well, you're the only one that's sure.
09:41Thanks for doing this, Bono.
09:43You made an old woman very happy.
09:45You're a good boy.
09:47Try to tell him that to my da.
09:49Sure he thinks I'm worth the space.
09:50Bono, your father just wants you to reach a potential.
09:54And it's normal for you two to be arguing.
09:57Mark was arguing with his dad all the time.
09:59Really?
10:00He said they never argued.
10:02Are you kidding me?
10:04I remember one night his dad called Mark Lazy,
10:07said that he wouldn't move if the house was on fire.
10:10Well, that night the chip pan caught fire.
10:12And guess who was the first to react?
10:14My da?
10:15Yes.
10:16As quick as a flash he jumped up with a damp cloth,
10:19put it over the pot and put the fire out
10:21before your granddad even had a chance to get his ass off the couch.
10:25And do you know what Reds are said to your father?
10:28Thanks, I hope.
10:29It took you long enough.
10:31Bono, your father argues with you because he cares.
10:40He just wants the best for you.
10:43Aww.
10:44Now come on, no slacking.
10:46Get up that laddie, you lazy bastard.
10:48I'm getting no response out of Granddad.
10:53Well, maybe he's in a better place.
10:57Granddad could be seriously ill, Mrs. Brown.
10:59Does he look sick to you?
11:05Now that you mention it, no.
11:11His arthritis has improved.
11:13Well, I can tell you now, since his life has gone virtual,
11:16my life is a doddle.
11:19Remarkable.
11:22I'd love to try it.
11:24Here, Doctor.
11:25Knock yourself out.
11:26Woo!
11:28See you, Granny.
11:29And...
11:30Thanks.
11:31See you, Bono, love.
11:33Two more?
11:34Yeah.
11:35Yeah.
11:37That one's from Winnie Magoogan.
11:38How do you know?
11:39It says on the back of it, from Winnie Magoogan.
11:43You're not going to open it?
11:44No, no.
11:45When he sends the same card every year.
11:46I'd put up last year's.
11:49Doctor Damien's been acting very strange lately, man.
11:51I know.
11:52What's this?
11:53Door-to-door confessions.
11:54What's next?
11:55Drive-through communion.
12:00He's been on the phone a lot lately to the bishop.
12:03I think he's moving parish.
12:05Well, if he is changing parish,
12:07there's one person that I know
12:09will definitely know about it.
12:10Who's that?
12:11Heardley Nicholson.
12:14You should go up and ask her.
12:15I will.
12:18Do you think she will know?
12:19Oh, she'll definitely know.
12:22That bitch would hear the grass growing.
12:31Oh, no.
12:32Very nice.
12:37Lovely.
12:42Welcome to Sleepy Mickey Strip Club.
12:44Mammy, I've just had a big epiphany.
12:56Oh.
12:58All right, I'll get the plunger.
13:01No, Mammy, I've had an idea.
13:04Oh, go on.
13:05Look, every year we all get stressed out trying to think of what to buy each other.
13:10I don't.
13:11Yes, you do.
13:12The last time I got stressed out was because you bought me a goat in Kenya.
13:17I don't even know what bus to get to Kenya.
13:21Mammy, we're going to have a family meeting.
13:23Why?
13:24Because I said so.
13:26Tonight, here, 8 o'clock.
13:29I let everybody know.
13:31Ha ha.
13:33This is not going to end well.
13:37Where's me book?
13:38Oh, there you go.
13:39Psst.
13:51Psst.
14:03Psst.
14:07Psst.
14:08Father Damien, were you pissing on my daisies?
14:14Oh, no. Well, not now.
14:17What's going on?
14:19I've been trying to avoid Trevor.
14:20I can see that. But why?
14:23Every Christmas, the bishop picks someone to win Priest of the Year.
14:26I nominated Trevor, and I've been trying to keep it quiet until the result's announced.
14:30Oh, you know what, Trevor's lucky to have you. We're all lucky to have you.
14:34Oh, well, thank you.
14:35So what's the result? Who won?
14:37Well, God only knows.
14:40Damien, let's take you!
14:42No!
14:48Who was that?
14:49Just somebody looking for directions.
14:52In our backyard?
14:53I know. I said they're radical veins, not fucking Google Maps.
15:02Oh, good. We're all here.
15:04Did we have a choice?
15:05No, Mark.
15:06Can't you put a lot of effort into this?
15:08Let's give it a chance.
15:10Thanks, Mammy.
15:11It's not going to be all night, love, is it?
15:13Mammy!
15:14Do we seriously have to do this, Mammy?
15:16I don't even want to be here.
15:17Please, Dermot.
15:18We all just give it a chance.
15:20We all just give it a chance.
15:21And if you're not happy at the end of it, you can talk to the ringmaster.
15:25Whip-crack away, whip-crack away, whip-crack away, whip-crack away, whip-crack away.
15:35Look, every year we buy each other presents for Christmas.
15:39And more often than not, someone's not happy.
15:42Usually you.
15:43Sorry.
15:44And it ends in a row.
15:46And it ends in a row.
15:47I just think it would be fun to try something different.
15:51Mammy out.
15:52Oh, well, maybe we could just have a big punch-up if you think that would be more productive.
15:57That's a great idea.
15:58OK, everybody start knocking the shit out of each other and we can move on with our lives.
16:04This is how it will work.
16:07Every time one of us voices their thoughts, we'll all say, we listen, but we don't judge.
16:14She has fucking worms.
16:17Come on, let's try that.
16:19Everybody, Mammy, we listen, but we don't judge.
16:24OK, is everybody happy to proceed?
16:27Bloody ears, lady!
16:32Mark, would you like to start us off?
16:34No.
16:36We listen, but we don't judge.
16:40Would somebody get us started, please?
16:45I don't want any more novelty neck toys.
16:47Thank you, Dermot.
16:48Everybody, we listen, but we don't judge.
16:53Mark.
16:54How can you have a problem with novelty ties?
16:56Mark's judging me.
16:58I'm asking a question.
17:00Dermot is allowed to say how he feels, Mark.
17:03I bought him those ties.
17:04They're funny.
17:05Oh, yeah.
17:06Hilarious, Mark.
17:07Especially the one with the big fish.
17:10But you like fish.
17:11To eat.
17:13Not to work.
17:14OK, then.
17:15This Christmas, I don't want any more stupid cheap tools.
17:18Now you're just being childish.
17:20Ah, damn it.
17:22We listen.
17:24But we don't judge.
17:26This is good.
17:28We're making progress.
17:29Trevor, what about you?
17:31I'm fine, Cathy.
17:32Yeah, easily pleased.
17:34Always was, even as a child.
17:36Pity your sister didn't inherit some of that.
17:38Ma.
17:39Oh.
17:40Just ignore Grandad.
17:41Just thank God he has trousers on.
17:42I know what I'd like.
17:43I'd like you to stop asking fucking questions.
17:45All in favour say aye.
17:46Aye.
17:47Aye.
17:48Aye.
17:49I am trying to help us.
17:51And you are failing miserably.
17:52OK, I'll go.
17:53Oh no, here we go.
17:54Now, no matter what she says, remember, she's only trying to provoke a reaction.
18:04I don't want anybody to buy me any cheap knockoff perfume.
18:07You cheeky bitch.
18:08We listen.
18:09Oh, that was a dig at me.
18:10But we don't judge.
18:11That sounded like a dig at me.
18:12Would you like to share with the group what presents you'd like?
18:13I'm easy.
18:14Yeah, right.
18:15You get all pissy on that.
18:16You know, I'm sorry.
18:17A bomb.
18:18I'm sorry.
18:19I'm sorry.
18:20I'm sorry.
18:21I'm sorry.
18:22You're sorry.
18:23I'm sorry.
18:24No, I'm sorry.
18:25I'm sorry.
18:26I'm sorry.
18:27I'm sorry.
18:28I'm sorry.
18:29I'm sorry.
18:30I'm sorry.
18:31I'm sorry.
18:32I'm sorry.
18:33I'm sorry.
18:34I'm sorry.
18:35Right you get all pissy if you don't get what you wanted only because I keep leaving clues and nobody picks up on them
18:42Like what name one clue you've ever given us two years ago. I changed the password on the Wi-Fi
18:49Because I wanted a vacuum cleaner
18:53The password is Tyson
18:58I'm wondering why I got two tickets to that feckin boxing match
19:01Mammy, please will you just tell us what you want?
19:09Mammy, I'm taking
19:12What's your budget? Oh for God's sake
19:16What if we didn't buy presents this year?
19:19It's Christmas bono should we cancel the turkey too? Hang on now have the rules changed? I thought everyone was allowed their opinion
19:28Go ahead son. Well not if it's stupid
19:31Bono is not stupid
19:34Thanks that
19:35Careful Cathy, Mark might get angry and buy a toy
19:40I've had enough of this crap, Matt
19:42I have a business to run
19:44We all have lives, Mark
19:45Even you
19:46Don't you dare come in here with your high and mighty attitude
19:50Would you listen to yourself?
19:51No, you listen to yourself
19:53All I want for Christmas is a family Christmas with no fights
19:58Is that too much to ask?
20:02We listen
20:04But we don't judge
20:06Bubble Junk Junk
20:07I don't care what present I get
20:12As long as it has a monetary value over 150 euro
20:16And has a gift receipt
20:20What about a gift we can all share?
20:22Explain this sharing thing to me, Bono, son of Marcus
20:28Well, I thought we could get a family photograph taken
20:32Bono, I love you son
20:34But seriously
20:35One with all of us
20:37Together
20:38I love you too, Bono
20:40But that's a stupid idea
20:43Finally
20:44We can all agree on something
20:46What's wrong with that?
20:47Trevor, look around the house, for God's sake
20:49There's portraits, every
20:51Look at
20:52That
20:56Well, look, no
20:57Look at that over there
21:01There's none
21:02Bono's right
21:03We haven't taken a family picture in decades
21:05I think it would be really nice to have a family photo taken
21:08One with all the family
21:09Up on the wall
21:10Do you know, Bono, you're absolutely right
21:12Yeah
21:13Cathy, I think we're done here
21:15Yep
21:16And with not too much argument
21:18That's a first
21:21Can Buster be in the picture too, ma?
21:22Yeah, of course
21:23Isn't that family?
21:24How dare you?
21:25That's not what he meant, Dermot
21:26And you know it
21:27Stay out of it
21:28Don't you point your finger at me
21:30Who do you think you are?
21:31Point my finger at whoever I like
21:32It's you, little mister
21:33Such a young yourself
21:34You say
21:35No
21:35You're the one that stays at you
21:37Quiet
21:37You keep and live
21:39We listen
21:41And we don't fucking judge
21:46Now somebody help me get Grandad into bed
21:50Grandad
21:51That's the end
21:53And they all died in the end
22:04That was brilliant, son
22:08You've got the voice of an angel
22:11A fucking hell's angel
22:13And that there is what false praise does to a child
22:18And he writes all his old stuff, Agnes
22:21Yeah, with a crayon, is it?
22:24Play another one, son
22:26Oh, will you shut up?
22:27Me ears are ringing
22:27Must be proud, Mrs. Brown
22:29Second best priest in all of Dublin
22:31Markable achievement
22:33I am proud
22:34But I wasn't waiting on you to win
22:35That to be proud of you, son
22:36Aw, thanks, Mammy
22:37Mind you
22:41If you're not first
22:43You may as well be last
22:44Loser
22:45Loser
22:46Agnes
22:47Well, I don't want them ending up like Susie Quattro, dear
22:54Father Damien
22:57You knew he was second all along, didn't you?
23:00Because you knew who won
23:02You did
23:06Mrs. Brown, don't spoil the moment
23:08I won't
23:09But you make sure and be around in our house tomorrow for the family photograph
23:13I will
23:18So, where's this Enzo?
23:21Here he is
23:22Enzo
23:23This is Agnes' daughter, Cathy
23:25Hello
23:27Ah, that desperate one
23:29Not that desperate
23:33Mammy
23:34I will see you at home
23:39Excited about getting the family photograph, John Agnes?
23:42Yeah
23:43The two of yous know will be there
23:44Well, we're not family
23:45You speak for yourself, Birdie
23:49Birdie, of course you're family
23:52This one's about a donkey that lost his way in life
23:54If you know the words, sing along
23:56Here
23:57Mullet head
23:58Mullet head
23:59If you touch that banjo again, I will cover it in butter and shove it up your...
24:03Happy Christmas everybody
24:05Happy Christmas
24:06Happy Christmas
24:07Happy Christmas, son
24:08Enzo, this is Agnes' son, Dermis
24:09How are you?
24:10Where's your friend Buster?
24:11Well, he's not his friend Buster
24:13Buster is his brother from another mother
24:15Where is Buster?
24:16Putting up your tree, man
24:17Oh, good man
24:18Did you get me card, Agnes?
24:19Oh, yes, Winnie, thanks very much
24:20Yeah
24:21I bet you got a surprise
24:22Surprise?
24:23Yeah
24:24With the voucher inside the card for 50 euro
24:33Right, I'll see you tomorrow for the photograph, okay?
24:38I'm sorry, but 50 euro is 50 euro
24:39Although, Mrs. Brown
24:40Remember, you told Buster he'd only make a
24:4215 euro with all those empty bottles?
24:43I'm sorry, but 50 euro is 50 euro
24:49All done, Mrs. Brown?
24:52Remember, you told Buster he'd only make 15 euro with all those empty bottles?
25:12Yeah, why?
25:13Take a look at your Christmas tree
25:14Oh, my God, it's beautiful
25:22Yes, it is
25:29250 euro
25:33Told you
25:35I'm going back to get the family
25:38They all need to see this
25:40There you go
25:41Don't slam the door
25:42You know, Christmas time is tough for some people
26:07Buying all the presents and making the big meals
26:12Aw, you look lovely, Mammy
26:15Oh, I do do, don't I do?
26:18Here, this was dropped in for you
26:20Oh
26:21Now come on, it's photo time
26:22Yeah, I'd come in after you
26:23Go on
26:24You see, it's worth remembering that Christmas is a tradition
26:32And like all traditions, they only die or fade if we allow them to
26:39So, I've decided
26:42I don't care how many cards I get or don't get
26:45I'm still sending mine
26:48Oh, look at this now, listen to this
26:52Dearest Agnes
26:56Merry Christmas
26:58Meow, meow
27:03Are you coming, Mammy?
27:05I'm coming for God's sake
27:12What the fu-
27:16Hands up everybody who's family
27:22Good answer
27:28Okay
27:30Come on
27:31Say cheese
27:32Cheese
27:35Good night
27:37Good night
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