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FunTranscript
00:00Let's go!
00:30I hope you're gonna get out soon
00:33I never think you're gonna get out soon
00:40Good job!
00:41Give you a hand
00:43A golden star
00:45You think you're clever
00:47Good luck
00:49She took a break
00:51Made a mistake
00:53When she met driver
00:55Get us forever
00:59Get us forever
01:01Get us forever
01:05You think I'm pretty
01:09You think I'm pretty
01:11Who make you wanna fucking
01:13Close it off, want to back it on the ice for faster and faster
01:15I'll do the money
01:17I'm having a lot of games
01:18I'm having a lot of games
01:19I'm having a lot of games
01:21I hope we're gonna get out soon
01:23I will look
01:25Gonna get out soon
01:27Oh man, I hope you're gonna get out soon
01:29Gonna get out soon
01:31I really hope you're gonna get out soon
01:35I know you're up at night
01:39Hunched over your phone like
01:41A tree
01:43A tree
01:45A darkly hill
01:47It's crooked from the wind that bites
01:49You say
01:51You're lost to seek
01:53All the power and the light
01:55You're washed up irrelevant
01:59I'm standing in my light
02:01I'm standing in my light
02:03I'm standing in my light
02:05I'm standing in my light
02:07I'm standing in my light
02:09I'm standing...
02:11You think I'm pretty
02:13You think I'm pretty
02:15You think I'm pretty, you think I'm pretty cool
02:20You say I scare ya, I know most people do
02:24This is the real world, honey
02:26In spite of everything, I guess there's just no hidden to it
02:32Nice try, knock it out the way
02:35Good job, just take a fucking hit
02:38I said I'll see ya, you wanna be ya, you wanna be ya
02:42Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, nice try
02:47Get out of the way, you're in our way
02:51Get lost forever
02:53Hey, if Rosano fucks you tonight, I'm gonna fucking back
03:08I think you mean fucks with, buddy
03:11I fucking mean what I mean
03:12You're burning a fake Rosanoff outside right now
03:15The fuck does that mean?
03:16They do it to you all the time in Boston, you wanna see it?
03:18Uh, no thanks
03:19Honestly guys, it doesn't help me focus
03:21Yeah, Mitty, they'll be weird somewhere else
03:24Not even now
03:25Whatever you need, Captain
03:27Hey Hollander, can you talk to NBC and some radio outlets in like 10?
03:31Yeah
03:32Oh, Mr. Hollander, what does Montreal have to do to win tonight?
03:39Well, hockey is a complicated, nuanced game
03:42But it would be helpful if we scored more fucking goals than the other team
03:45And how about that other team?
03:48Helio Rosanoff has been on a tear lately
03:50He had a hat-trick last week
03:51And he's almost caught up to you in the scoring race
03:53Wanna know what he had to say about that this morning?
03:55No, I'll listen if he actually catches up to me
03:57Thanks guys
03:57Mmhmm
03:58Mmhmm
03:59Mmhmm
04:00Mmhmm
04:01Mmhmm
05:31Oh, this Montreal girl works you out, brother.
05:34Shut your idiot face, Marley.
05:36You're straight up blushing, Ross.
05:38Well, no.
05:39Never in life have I blushed.
05:40Russians do not do this.
05:47Again.
05:48Again.
05:49Again.
05:50Again.
05:51You will murder me.
05:58Maybe.
06:00Get in.
06:05Why the fuck did you think it's okay to sex me before the game?
06:08What the fuck?
06:09You were hard, weren't you?
06:11For how long?
06:12The whole game?
06:13You're such a fucking ass.
06:15You missed me, didn't you?
06:17I fucking didn't.
06:19And I still beat your ass.
06:20Yeah, barely.
06:21Oh, nice place.
06:29Thanks.
06:31I bought it a couple years ago, but then this year I bought another one.
06:36Right next door.
06:37I eventually might turn it into one place, but for now I'm renting the next door one out.
06:42Mr. Businessman.
06:44Shut up.
06:44Mr. Landlord.
06:47You asked.
06:48No, I didn't.
06:49So what do you want me?
07:04In the kitchen, on the floor?
07:07Fuck you.
07:12Did your mom buy all these pillows?
07:14No.
07:15I hired someone.
07:17A designer.
07:19You think there is enough?
07:21Such an asshole.
07:24I think maybe you'll like it.
07:27Smell the cigarettes from here.
07:30I had one.
07:31You shouldn't be smoking.
07:32And you shouldn't be talking.
07:38Come here.
07:39No, you come here.
07:40No, you come here.
07:41No, you come here.
07:49No, I...
07:50You still won't.
07:56I still won't.
07:57You killed me, Wander
08:09I'm dead
08:11That was so fucking hard
08:13Worth the wait
08:27I should go
08:34So, uh, obviously we won't see each other during the Olympics, right?
08:46Oh, right
08:46Your family must be happy there in Russia
08:50Yes
08:53My parents are pretty psyched for me
08:56They're pissed they can't come
08:58But my mom is starting to wake up before I am to watch every game
09:01I bet, uh, your parents will be there, right?
09:07My father, yes
09:08Maybe my brother, but who knows
09:10Cool
09:12Anyways, I'm psyched
09:14I've been dreaming about it my whole life
09:16Dreaming of what?
09:18Bronze medal
09:18You fucking wish, dude
09:20Hey, uh
09:25Remember when I made you come hands-free?
09:28Don't fuck yourself, Rosno
09:29Such a good drink
09:33Your cab is definitely here
09:34Bye
09:43Bye
09:45Welcome back to Man in the Crease
09:55Your all-star hockey podcast
09:57For the first period, we are four days into this year's winter games
10:00And there's already a contender for top story here in Sochi, Russia
10:03What an embarrassing and too promising year for the Russian men's hockey team
10:08A hard pill to swallow on all mice
10:10And especially for the young phenom Ilya Rosanoff
10:14Chosen as his country's captain
10:16All in there, what's up, motherfucker?
10:43Holy fuck, can you believe Russia?
10:47Be nice, Fanny
10:48Be nice, they fucking lost Latvia
10:49Did you see that game?
10:51Yeah, it was a straight-up shit show
10:52A debacle
10:53Hey, what did Ross say about it?
10:55I don't know
10:56Nothing to me, that's for sure
10:58I think he knows Canada has this in the bag
11:00Uh-uh
11:01It's USA this year, baby
11:02We're fucking coming for you
11:03Okay
11:03Trust me
11:04You look great in Silver, Vani
11:05Don't even stress
11:05Oh, good one
11:06Does your room have that smell?
11:11Yes, yes it does
11:12Is it black mold?
11:15Because that's what JJ thinks it is
11:16Yeah, he's probably right
11:17The good news is, we're not going to be here long
11:19Alright, so tonight we can do the men's short form figure skating here
11:21My buddy Joe is in that program
11:22We train together
11:23Would you guys be cool to do that?
11:25I'd love to show up for him
11:26Hell yeah, man
11:27Show up for any dude who's that brave
11:29What do you mean?
11:33Well, I'm assuming your buddy might be gay
11:35I mean, I'd fucking pray for a dude to show up to a place like this and be like
11:40Hey, here's me
11:41Russia is not safe for folks like that
11:44Fucking balls of steel, man
11:59Man, your buddy fucking killed it
12:19Yeah, he did
12:20I'm just going to find the bathroom
12:29Hey
12:43I'm not here
12:49No, I'm not
12:51I saw you up here, I wanted to see how you're doing
12:54Fine
12:55Go sit down
12:59We
13:00We are not anything
13:02Go away, Olinter
13:04Are you okay?
13:13Please, go
13:14You didn't answer my text
13:16No, I did not answer your boring text
13:20Now you go
13:21Fine
13:23Fuck
13:29Thanks
13:31You did not call it
13:32You
13:34weekend
13:34I will
13:52And after yesterday, you won't win...
13:58Latvia.
14:00Latvia.
14:02And he's still playing.
14:03How did you do that?
14:05Is it not sad to you?
14:06Not sad to you, Otec.
14:07Well, not so.
14:09They don't teach you discipline in this American League.
14:12It's not a game, it's a game.
14:14It's a real shame.
14:15It's not to be honest with you,
14:17which you showed in childhood.
14:19Now I play better than when I am.
14:22Our team is damaged.
14:24The team is not played.
14:25It's played.
14:26It's played?
14:27What is this American absurd?
14:29What is it played?
14:30You, captain, you're playing it played.
14:33You always find someone who's guilty from childhood.
14:41Who was it to you?
14:45Your mother?
14:46She's not able to do this.
14:52No, Otec.
14:55Mom has died.
14:56Mom has died.
14:57You remember her?
14:58You remember her?
15:02I was in your case.
15:03Where are you, Polina?
15:06Where are you?
15:07In Moscow?
15:09Of course.
15:11We need to go.
15:14We need to go.
15:15We need to go.
15:16We need to go.
15:17We need to go.
15:18We need to go.
15:19We need to go.
15:22We need to meet the minister.
15:26Yes.
15:27You ready?
15:28What?
15:29Let's go.
15:30That's what the problem is.
15:31You got the help of the french.
15:33Evidence in your head...
15:34That's how he said to always, man.
15:35You know, his own war.
15:36He's in the air.
15:37I'm sure he has taken your money away.
15:38He needs to be saved.
15:39He needs to go.
15:40His team is a champion.
15:41He needs to be saved.
15:42He needs to be saved.
15:43He needs to be saved.
15:44He needs to be saved.
15:45He needs to be saved.
15:46He needs to be saved.
15:47He needs to be saved.
15:48He needs to be saved.
15:49All good, good, good.
15:50That's how he's in shape.
15:51But it's a problem with leadership.
15:53It's always a problem with leadership.
15:56You're too much talking about leadership.
16:02I'm too much talking.
16:04You're my angel.
16:06You're too much talking, especially when it's about hockey.
16:10Only when we win, Dad.
16:12I'm going to buy a bar.
16:14He needs another one.
16:16Look at her, she's behind you.
16:20From the same time.
16:23I'm an angel.
16:24It would be good if I remember this.
16:26I'd like to drink.
16:28I'd like to drink.
16:29I'd like to have something interesting.
16:46I'm very strong.
16:48I'd like to drink.
16:49I'd like to drink.
16:51I'd like to drink.
16:52In the evening, Sasha.
16:59I think you played well.
17:01I'd like to say thank you, but I know you aren't watching any of my games.
17:04For a lifetime being a son of a hockey coach, it's difficult to avoid.
17:10Sometimes I'm not on my own.
17:13When I see what I do, I will tell you about your name.
17:17In any case, it doesn't have any meaning for you.
17:20It doesn't have? Why did you do that?
17:23My father...
17:24Your father is a fool, who will ever kill you.
17:26You need to stop worrying about what he thinks.
17:30And you don't have to be stupid games, when you have a real chance to win this year.
17:35Really?
17:36Yes, really.
17:38The Hunter and the Admirals will not go through New Jersey.
17:40New Jersey will not go through Holland and Montreal.
17:43I think that in this year you will win Montreal.
17:46In this year?
17:47Yes, in this year.
17:49Because I think that Mitzko is traumatized.
17:53Where do you know all this?
17:55She is an extra sense.
17:57With a traumatized brother, you will not be able to see you.
18:00As you with the team, it was pretty good to show you.
18:04That's it.
18:05That's it.
18:06It's the West Coast, and then you can win.
18:08You can win whoever you want in the West.
18:11In Chicago, not so much earlier.
18:14In the final, it's probably San Francisco.
18:17They are good, but too young.
18:20You will win the Coupe of Senniang a year earlier than I played with Sassu.
18:24Yes, thanks.
18:25I'm about to sleep now.
18:26And tomorrow we have to be perfect at this time.
18:27You should be perfect at everything.
18:28Absolutely.
18:29You should definitely look perfect at everything.
18:30Indeed, obviously.
18:32You should look perfect at everything.
18:33Indeed.
18:34You should look perfect at everything.
18:35Yes, yes.
18:36You should even better understand.
18:37But you should stop.
18:39We'll see in the tomorrow morning.
18:42We'll see you soon soon.
18:43Bye.
18:44Bye.
18:45Bye.
18:46Well, how are you from Paris, Sash?
18:53Oh, it's cool. I just love this place.
18:59The club, the head of the club.
19:04The girls are just beautiful.
19:07And the boys...
19:10Well, you've seen French boys.
19:15Yeah, Ilya?
19:23Oh my God, I'm not sure.
19:28You're not a joke, you're not a joke, you're not a joke, you're not a joke.
19:36You're not a joke.
19:38You're not a joke.
19:40You're not a joke.
19:41You're not a joke.
19:42You're not a joke.
19:43You're a joke.
19:44Here?
19:45Seriously?
19:58This?
19:59Seriously?
20:00Are you serious?
20:02The danger was already
20:07and if you remember me, don't be mistaken.
20:11We are children, Sash.
20:15Yes.
20:17That's right.
20:22Stop it.
20:24Okay, let's go somewhere.
20:26No.
20:28No.
20:38Okay.
20:40I'll find the evening.
20:43Okay.
20:51I'm glad to see you.
20:53I'm glad to see you.
21:11Captain's here.
21:13Yeah!
21:14Yeah!
21:15Yeah!
21:16I just pulled them down.
21:17What am I supposed to do?
21:18I don't know.
21:19My mom told me to get away.
21:20Oh, my God.
21:23There's ginger ale on the fish.
21:25Okay, playoffs are over.
21:26You cannot keep the beer.
21:27That's not a rule.
21:28You just made that up.
21:29Hollander, is that a rule?
21:30Unfortunately, it is.
21:31Fuck you, Hollander.
21:32You can barely even grow one.
21:33No, no.
21:34Fuck you, Swedish inbred.
21:35Fuck you.
21:36Just fucking do it, Hayden.
21:38Stop.
21:39It's serious.
21:40Boys, let's start.
21:41Turn it up.
21:42It's game six, and the cup is somewhere inside as we speak.
21:45You know that Ilya Rosanoff wants this bad.
21:48Rosanoff and the Raiders have been on fire since the Olympic break.
21:51A heartbreaking game for the Russians seems to have only intensified the young Boston captain.
21:56He's on a tear, scoring ten goals over the past six playoff games.
22:00Okay, listen the fuck up.
22:03Look, I don't give a fuck how many goals I've scored.
22:07I don't give a fuck how I played two fucking nights ago.
22:11I don't need to think about that.
22:12That was yesterday.
22:13That was before.
22:14Now, I only need one thing.
22:18I need to win.
22:23Here, at home, tonight.
22:26As much fun as it would be to go to California and humiliate them there.
22:31But I want to hear our fans.
22:33I want to hear them scream.
22:36I want to fuck San Francisco.
22:39I know you can do it.
22:42I've seen you fucking do it.
22:44I've seen every one of you do it.
22:46So leave it all the fuck out there tonight.
22:51Because this is our fucking night.
22:55This is our fucking cup!
22:58Fucking fuck San Francisco!
23:00I can't believe that asshole's about to win the cup.
23:01Shane hates it the most.
23:02What?
23:03You hate Rosenhoff.
23:04Of course.
23:05But he's very good at acting.
23:06The best probably.
23:07Eh, no.
23:08You're the fucking best all-ander.
23:09Yeah.
23:10Okay?
23:11Not that animal shit show cock sucking Russia.
23:13Now that is that.
23:14The Boston Raiders are your MLH champions.
23:16What a comeback story this year for Lilia Rosenhoff.
23:17The captain did absolutely everything in these playoffs.
23:19Leading his team in block shots.
23:20Leading his team in block shots.
23:21Leading his team in block shots.
23:22He jumps against.
23:23And Brock is late.
23:24The final match.
23:25Leading him to come back.
23:26Leading his team in block shots.
23:27Peter is the best.
23:28So is it?
23:29No!
23:30You're the fucking best all-ander.
23:31Yeah!
23:32Not that animal shit show cock sucking Russia.
23:33Oh my god!
23:34Is that?
23:35What a comeback story this year from Lilja Rosanoff.
23:39The captain did absolutely everything in these playoffs, leading his team in block shots.
23:44He jumps against Brock Isley.
24:05Well, nice watch.
24:20I gave this to you for free.
24:21Where the fuck were you, Ron?
24:22Five seconds.
24:2325 seconds.
24:24What are we even doing?
24:26And now, presenting the Lord's Tower Award.
24:30I was busy.
24:31Was who?
24:32Lilja Rosanoff and Shane Haller.
24:35But the most important thing is the friends we make along the way.
24:46Hey, before we give out next award, can I get a selfie with you?
24:51What?
24:52Come on.
24:53When will this ever happen again, buddy?
24:56Okay, fine.
24:57But hurry up.
25:02Great.
25:03Give me your number.
25:04I'll text them to you.
25:07No chance.
25:09And the Lord Talon Award for most sportsmanlike player goes to...
25:13MOLLY HOWARD
25:14I'll text them.
25:15I'm in the last one...
25:16I'll text them back.
25:17I'm in the last two.
25:18I'm in the last three weeks.
25:19I'm in the last three weeks.
25:20I will text them back as well.
25:21I'm in the last two.
25:22...
25:24I'm in the last two.
25:56What? What the fuck do you want, Rozanov? You haven't answered a text from me in like six months. You won't even acknowledge I exist unless there's a fucking camera pointed at us and then it's for some fucking clown show. So yeah, what the fuck do you actually want from me? Well?
26:19I want you to suck my dick.
26:20Oh, fuck you. You are unbelievable. You suck my dick.
26:26Maybe as nicely.
26:39Huh? Please.
26:47If you want me to get on my knees on this filthy bathroom floor and suck your dick, you will have to ask nicer than that.
26:57Please get on your knees on this filthy bathroom floor and suck my dick. Please.
27:10No.
27:21What? No.
27:23We'll go back to our seats, watch the rest of this boring show, and then go to boring party after.
27:35And then, when I've been waiting all night, you'll come back to my hotel room, and I will maybe, maybe do more than just suck your dick.
27:47When did your English get so good?
27:49When did your English get so good?
27:51When did your English get so good?
27:52I, uh, I read the New Yorker now.
27:55Really?
27:56No.
27:57The New Yorker is boring.
27:58My dad loves it.
28:00Ah.
28:01So being boring is, is genetic.
28:02Genetic.
28:03Genetic.
28:04Let's make a deal.
28:05If you win MVP tonight, I will blow you, fuck you, whatever you want.
28:07And if you win...
28:08If you win MVP tonight, I will blow you, fuck you, whatever you want.
28:27Good luck, Colleen.
28:57Good luck, Colleen.
29:27Congratulations.
29:33Now take off your clothes.
29:36You're such an asshole.
29:57What?
30:21Well, it's a lot of windows.
30:25Good.
30:30Good.
30:42Now get on the bed.
30:55This is a good hotel.
30:58Very nice vodka.
30:59It's hard to find in America.
31:00Okay.
31:05Touch yourself.
31:06What?
31:07Show up for me.
31:08I want to watch you.
31:09You what?
31:11It's my special day, Hollander.
31:12I want to watch.
31:13I've never...
31:15No shit.
31:16Fuck you.
31:18Give me some vodka, at least.
31:19No, no, no.
31:20Vodka is for after.
31:21It's your reward.
31:22I'm coming back.
31:37Look.
31:37Fuck.
31:38arrogant.
31:39I'm coming back to Miami Beach.
31:40I have to love you.
31:41What?
31:41I don't know.
31:42I don't know.
31:42I don't know.
31:43I know.
31:44I don't know.
31:45I don't know.
31:45I have to know.
31:46Ready?
31:46Have a good one.
31:47Bye.
31:48I know.
31:48How many are you?
31:49You can outta my mouth.
31:50Here?
31:50do you want to know how it feels how it feels holding the cup you fucking asshole i can barely
32:20so russia this year was something else
32:33it's intense there
32:38so are you heading back soon
32:45back to russia for the summer
32:50oh yes
32:52why what do you mean why
33:02do you have to
33:05there is no have to it's it's home
33:10yeah but i don't know is it safe
33:15what do you mean safe
33:18i don't know
33:21do you do you even like it there
33:25what difference does it make
33:32a pretty big one i think
33:35i need to sleep
33:42oh yeah me too i should um so uh i'm off
33:58goodbye hollander
34:01hmm
34:13yeah
34:17Let's go.
34:47Let's go.
35:17Let's go.
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