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00:00You're walking into a unit right now with 45, 50 males.
00:18That's 100 eyes on you.
00:22As a female going into that, it's got to be twice as bad.
00:26Ready?
00:26In my mind, I'm thinking, what did I sign up to do?
00:42For a lot of inmates, jail is a revolving door.
00:47We've learned that inmates without any family support are more likely to return to jail.
00:53Turn around, put your hands behind your back.
00:55I'm scared.
00:56I regret doing this.
01:08You need some change or there is no more support after this.
01:13Enough is enough.
01:18Lock it in now!
01:20I'm in prison with violent convicted criminals.
01:23You have to set yourself in war zone mentality.
01:29I'm going to go into a panic attack and need to be at the hospital.
01:32This is your lifeline.
01:38This is the person who's going to help you stay out of jail.
01:42For these inmates, this is their last chance.
01:45This is the opportunity to mend that broken bond and prove to their family members that they're going to get it right this time.
01:52You have to get it together, man.
01:53You have to get it together, man.
01:56You're my heart, Dallas.
01:58This is my last chance with you, to be honest.
02:00You want to be the cause of death for your mom, you know what I mean?
02:11You're lying to me.
02:12I don't know how much more I can get.
02:16Turn around.
02:17Put your hands behind your back for your safety of my own.
02:21My name is Raven, and I'm going to spend the next 48 hours in county jail to walk in the same footsteps as my brother, Deshaun.
02:36I don't have anything in your pockets I can harm you or myself, no sharps?
02:40Nope.
02:41Deshaun was arrested on federal charges and state charges for conspiracy to distribute drugs and guns.
02:47Take one step back from the vehicle.
02:49My brother was sentenced to three years in federal prison, and now he's serving an 11-month sentence at Hampden County Jail.
02:56I took two hours in county jail to walk in the same footsteps as my brother, Deshaun.
03:01I don't have anything in your pockets I can harm you or myself, no sharps.
03:05My mom became pregnant with me when Deshaun was three months, so we're basically twins.
03:11We've always been very close, so when he was arrested, it was very hard to watch.
03:16Do I need your stance for me?
03:18The winter of 2021, our house had gotten raided by the feds.
03:24It was crazy.
03:25It was like more than like 17 officers came to pick him up.
03:28Watch your hands as you're getting in.
03:30It's an experience that you can't erase.
03:32You remember what that feels like.
03:35That experience affected my family as a whole.
03:38We all have been serving the sentence with Deshaun.
03:45My mom has held most of the burden since Deshaun's been arrested.
03:49She does have some health conditions.
03:51I do think she's like grieving the loss of her son's presence.
03:56And I want him to understand that his decisions really affect people.
04:00Because like, if Deshaun finds himself in trouble again, he could lose his family.
04:06Something that my mom always says is like, I'll do one bid with you, but I'm not gonna do more than one.
04:15It's time for Deshaun to understand that there is no more support after this.
04:22If he doesn't get together, I'm done.
04:24This is it.
04:25Enough is enough.
04:27OK.
04:31I
04:32My name is Deshaun, I'm 23 years old, and I've been incarcerated for three years right
04:58now. The charges were possession of a firearm and selling drugs. I'm going home in six
05:04months. Hey DJ, it's all pimp. Growing up, my mom always did her best, but you can't compete
05:13with guys that was on the block all day. They got a limited amount of money, shoes every
05:18week and stuff like that. I wanted all these nice things, how do I get this? And I jumped
05:24into the street life. I would sell a little weed. I'm selling weed. I upgraded to selling
05:29dope. I was thinking that was untouchable. Police, they're running down, they're never getting
05:34nothing. I haven't caught cases yet. It's always a scenario that can happen, but I'm like, no,
05:39that can't happen to me.
05:42Yes, ma'am. I was stashing guns and drugs in the house. Stepdad might find some drugs behind
05:50the Wall Street. I stashed two guns in my grandma's grill. She's going to go clean the grill
05:54out, and she found paper back. She goes, oh my, what's going on? Like, what the is going
06:00on? And then the raid, that hurt my sister, that hurt my mother, that hurt my stepdad,
06:06and then left trauma.
06:11Me and my sister are really close. Really, really close.
06:14But, um, I think what I've done, in a way, had tarnished our relationship. I want to be
06:22able to fix my relationship with Raven, show my sister that I'm serious, and I need her
06:27support to stay out of jail. Somebody I love and I care about. Somebody that's so close
06:33and dear to my heart.
06:52I'm about to go into jail.
06:57And I am a little nervous, just because I want to be safe.
07:03I am a third- and fourth-grade math and science teacher.
07:12Take your hand, place it on top of your head, okay?
07:16I've never gotten in trouble. So, I am a little worried, because I've never been in jail.
07:23All right, I'm going to do a quick fast search. I'm going to have you put your arms out.
07:27Going through intake, you can feel the transition.
07:30All right, I'm going to have you follow me to the middle of the doctor, okay?
07:34The moment you walk in, your freedom is revoked.
07:38Chin, cheek, cheek. You don't have to touch it.
07:47You have to do a visual search.
07:48Getting naked in front of officers, it's horrible.
07:52It's horrible.
07:53All right, lift your wrist, your belly, chin down.
07:56Going through the strip search brought me back to how I felt when we were raided,
08:01and feeling dehumanized, and feeling the lack of control.
08:06I quickly felt very uncomfortable.
08:09All right, I'm going to go back right there.
08:11Okay, roll seven.
08:13Going into the female's unit, I am worried.
08:21Jail is a very volatile environment.
08:24My life can be at jeopardy.
08:26Not knowing why these people are here,
08:30Not knowing why these people are here definitely strikes some nerves because you're like, okay,
08:58who should I trust? Is it safe for me to talk to this person? Is it not safe for me to talk to this person?
09:08These inmates can cause danger to me.
09:12And it's something I'm worried about.
09:14Open someone.
09:27In my mind, I'm thinking, what did I sign up to do?
09:30You're welcome, please.
09:50Coming into the pod, I am trying to think of a way to, like, kind of approach the other inmates
09:54and how to build conversation in a way that's not threatening.
10:03But, like, my anxiety or not knowing, like, how to maneuver, I definitely was at a 10,
10:08like, making sure I'm not overstepping any boundaries that are preset.
10:13Can I sit with somebody? Can I sit with you?
10:15Can I sit with you?
10:23Hi, my name is Raven.
10:25I'm Tara.
10:26Whatever food you don't want, this one over.
10:30Okay.
10:32Did you over on the other unit?
10:33No, no, no.
10:34Both.
10:34Your first date?
10:35Mm-hmm.
10:36Oh, okay.
10:36Okay.
10:40That was juice.
10:41Oh, honey, this is salt.
10:43What?
10:44They don't give us salt.
10:46Wait, what is she talking about?
10:47Juice, though?
10:48That ain't no juice.
10:48I'm looking at something.
10:49This is juice.
10:51Juice?
10:51Yeah, that's juice.
10:54They laughing at me.
10:57The food is horrible, but this is, like, something that they consider five-star cuisine.
11:02And it kind of gives me empathy for my brother, knowing that he's eating jail food,
11:06like, every day.
11:08It's not really appetizing at all.
11:13Aye!
11:14Aye!
11:15Aye!
11:30All right.
11:31Hello, doctor.
11:34Sean, how are you, man?
11:36How we doing?
11:38Nice to meet you.
11:40How we doing?
11:41All right.
11:42Have a seat.
11:45So, how's it going?
11:47I'm doing all right, yourself?
11:48I'm doing okay.
11:49How long you been doing time?
11:51All together for almost four years.
11:53Four years?
11:54Yeah.
11:55What are you doing this bid for?
11:56A firearm charge.
11:58Firearm?
11:59Yeah.
12:00I got caught with an AK-47.
12:02What are you doing with an AK-47?
12:04I don't know.
12:05Detection, I guess you can say that.
12:07When we had to make sure that we were good, we were good.
12:11So, when you're saying we, were you part of a gang or something?
12:15I had no gang affiliation, but I ran with a couple of people.
12:18But you ran with some folks.
12:20Yeah.
12:21Okay, I hear you.
12:22So, Deshaun, what is it that you're looking to get out of this experience with your sister here?
12:28I want to let her know never to come here.
12:31Never ever to come here.
12:33Because this is not the place to be.
12:36Okay.
12:37I got to tell you, I'm not buying it.
12:40Oh, no.
12:43What does your sister do for a living?
12:45She's a school teacher for third and fourth grade.
12:47Mm-hmm.
12:48And how many school teachers for third and fourth grade do you know are concerned about ending up in jail?
12:56Not like I said.
12:58All right.
12:59You know, I know.
13:00I see you laughing, too.
13:01I know.
13:02You're a very charming person.
13:05But we're going to have to put the charm and all of that stuff aside, and you got to be real with you.
13:10Is there a deeper reason?
13:13When I first got incarcerated, our house was raided, and she was in the raid, and there was a lot of things that happened, and I would like to talk about that.
13:24Because she went through some stuff.
13:26Some trauma.
13:27From the cops coming in and so on.
13:29Yeah.
13:30I'm looking to rebuild the bond, the rekindle, the bleeding on each other.
13:37I'm here for you, and vice versa.
13:39I need your support to stay out of jail.
13:42So, let's cut out the crap about she's here, so she doesn't come to jail.
13:48She's here because you need to connect with her, and you need to talk with her.
13:52You're absolutely right.
13:54You're absolutely right.
13:55Okay.
13:56So, you and I need to make an agreement that respectfully, I'm going to call you straight up, so you have a chance to connect with your sister here.
14:10This is your lifeline.
14:12This is the person who's going to help you stay out of jail.
14:17Absolutely.
14:18Okay.
14:24So, Raven, we're here to talk to you about Deshawn.
14:37I don't know if he shared anything with you about his time in jail.
14:41I know at one point he told me that he was trying to go to school, that he was running a club.
14:47I think he once told me that he did have a job.
14:50I'm not sure if he's working.
14:52A little vague.
14:53A little vague.
14:54A little vague, yeah.
14:55There seems to be a little discrepancy in maybe of what he's telling you.
15:00He has not been inactivated any other programs.
15:03His discipline record has been an issue for him.
15:06Can we talk more about, like, his discipline?
15:09So, when he first came in a month in, he got caught with tobacco.
15:12He got mouthy with an officer back and forth.
15:14They got him locked in.
15:15So, he finds his way to get tickets.
15:18To get tickets, it prevents you from getting the programming for at least 30 days.
15:23And because of that, he's not giving himself every opportunity that we could provide to him.
15:28So, when he's held up a lot of times, it's kind of by his own doing.
15:33When I had spoke with my brother two months ago, he led me to believe that he was taking initiative for a change and was participating in programs.
15:42It was kind of shocking to learn that my brother was lying to me.
15:46It definitely pissed me off.
15:49We noticed a lot of the things that keep getting him in trouble is it's not just him.
15:54So, it's like he's with a group of guys that he may follow.
15:57It's the people he's associating with in the jail.
15:59You know, and on top of that, now that he's associated with a certain group of guys, he's been classified and put with a certain gang.
16:06Sometimes where you get placed, you become affiliated with them just on where you are.
16:12And when you talk about leaving, you know, we can separate those individuals in here by our standards.
16:18But if you're outside of here on the street.
16:20You can't do that.
16:21So, in Holyoke, they may have Latin Kings, La Familia.
16:24It's big down there.
16:25They have those guys on his unit right now.
16:27But he also is mixed in with some bloods and guys like that.
16:31We don't want to jeopardize him in the community.
16:33He could also be with a family member in the community and run into somebody that...
16:36He knows.
16:37Right.
16:38You know, and that puts you guys in danger.
16:39In jeopardy.
16:40And that's what we're trying to avoid with him.
16:42He is being oblivious to the dangers for me and for my family as a whole.
16:47I need to make him understand that his actions have consequences to them.
16:51And it takes taking accountability for us to move forward.
16:55He's coming up on release within the next few months.
16:58So, this is going to be a crucial time for him.
17:03...
17:33The night winds down and I'm getting locked in.
17:36It's hitting me how real this experience is.
17:47I thought that I would just be able to fall asleep
17:49once I got to my cell.
17:58You become exhausted.
18:04It does concern me that this is what life in prison
18:07is like for my brother.
18:33I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:35Again?
18:36Yes.
18:37I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:39I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:43I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:44I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:46I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:47I'm not going to do a visual search.
18:48Again?
18:49Yes.
18:51Shirt, pants.
18:55Getting naked in front of officers for the second time,
18:59I still feel very uncomfortable.
19:01Hands all the way up.
19:02Stick your tongue out.
19:03Lift it up.
19:04Nice and behind each ear.
19:06Other ear.
19:07Shake your hair out for me.
19:08OK, lift up your breasts.
19:09Turn around, face the wall.
19:11Lift up one foot.
19:12You're getting naked.
19:13You're exposing yourself.
19:14And you start to lose your inner self.
19:18Bend at the waist, spread your cheeks, and cough.
19:21You're all set.
19:22You can get dressed.
19:23I hope that Deshawn understands not only my efforts,
19:26but kind of like the intentions behind my efforts.
19:28Because it kind of like just made me feel like,
19:30what the am I doing here?
19:31Like, get me the out of here now.
19:33Watch yourself.
19:35And also watch your head growing up.
19:37I'm going to shut your door, OK?
19:57First meeting with Dr. Jeff opened up a lot of doors
20:03that I didn't know I needed to sort through.
20:06One being with the raid happening,
20:08I definitely need to be there and be better a man
20:11and fix my relationship with my sister
20:13and hopefully mend the trauma that I caused
20:15to her and my family.
20:24It is hurtful to think of walking away from a relationship,
20:28especially a brother-sister dynamic relationship.
20:31But there is a limit.
20:40Yo, James in the fence!
20:43If he's not making the progress that he needs to make,
20:45then it's done and it's over with.
20:49I'm ready to let him know straight up.
20:51I know I've caused a lot of pain, so her experiencing this with me, this is serious.
21:00This is not a joke.
21:02I have too much to lose.
21:19Oh, my God.
21:21Like, my outfit?
21:23No.
21:24We're matching.
21:25Oh, my goodness.
21:31A minute.
21:33The fed's been a minute.
21:35Damn, I miss you, bro.
21:36I ain't gonna lie.
21:38I ain't gonna lie.
21:39I never want to see you in this uniform.
21:42And I want you to know that to, like, the fullest extent, bro.
21:45Same pain you feel just thinking about me being here?
21:49No, it's like the real pain that we feel seeing you be here.
21:52Because it's not like you're a horrible person.
21:55You're not a horrible person.
21:56We know you.
21:57And I know you better than anybody else.
21:59So I, like, I know it hurts to see me here, but I'm here for a reason.
22:07I'm really stepping.
22:08Like, I'm really stepping in the position.
22:09I'm really around inmates that are inside for crimes that I have seen on the news.
22:15So, if that doesn't show you that I came here for you to change, I don't know what else it's gonna take, you know?
22:26Hi there.
22:27I didn't want to interrupt.
22:29How are you guys?
22:30How are you doing?
22:31I'm good.
22:31So, some heavy stuff has been going on in here.
22:35What's happening?
22:38I'm telling him what I expect moving forward.
22:41And I can say that Deshaun is putting his best foot forward at the moment.
22:46I did have a chance to speak to Yesenia.
22:49So, Yesenia was telling me that you're not being honest with me.
22:52You're getting in trouble.
22:54I mean, you choose petty battles that hold you back.
22:58You don't pick the right people to surround yourself around.
23:01And your gang affiliation does raise red flags for me.
23:05I don't have no gang affiliation.
23:07I don't think we should be pussyfooting around with what's going on.
23:12Whomever gang or informal gang, the people that you run with, a gang by any other name is a gang.
23:19And it does raise some concern for me because it can cause a danger to not only you,
23:25but it affects the family.
23:28It affects your mom.
23:29So, let's talk about that.
23:30You know, you're really hurting.
23:31You're really taking a lot of life away from your mom.
23:33And I don't think you're realizing that.
23:35I don't think you're really understanding the pain that she feels.
23:42And not only that, it's pain that she kind of has to suppress.
23:47You know what I mean?
23:49So, she's feeling this pain and she's trying to support you the best she can.
23:54And she's a mother of three.
23:55So, it's like she's trying to split herself.
23:58And right now, you're draining her battery.
24:03She's not young.
24:04She's not healthy.
24:05So, it's like you want to be the cause of death for your mom.
24:08You know what I mean?
24:12You're draining them.
24:14And they're invested in you.
24:18You're hurting your family.
24:19No, I know I'm taking a lot from her, for sure.
24:28Since day one.
24:29Since the rape.
24:32What happened that day?
24:34When the cops came into your house?
24:37They came and did a protective sweep of the house.
24:40Went room to room.
24:42They ended up engaging with my sister.
24:45She had just came out the shower.
24:46They tried to...
24:48They violated her.
24:49And when you said they violated your sister, what did they do?
24:59You sure?
25:05Do you want to say what happened?
25:06So, I think that moment that they came in, they assumed that we were all guilty.
25:21And as I'm getting out the shower, my towel was essentially pulled off my body in front of over 10 male officers, not one female.
25:32I'm so sorry.
25:33So, yeah, my body was exposed, and I think for me, it was very hurtful and embarrassing.
25:40There's no female officers on scene, and they're just storming in through every room, I think.
25:45How old were you at the time?
25:46How old were you at the time?
25:47I'm 19.
25:48So, that's one of those moments that when you feel your personal being being violated, it's just not a feeling you can forget.
25:58Yeah.
25:59How has this affected you in your life?
26:05Just emotionally, I was not there emotionally.
26:11I think that it took away my identity.
26:13It's a trauma.
26:14It's a trauma.
26:15It is a trauma?
26:16I didn't regret myself.
26:17I didn't intend it ever to happen.
26:20I'm big on protection, I'm big on nobody playing with my people.
26:37I couldn't save nobody, I couldn't be the protector that day.
26:42I mean, they could have shot me dead.
26:47My people see me shot me dead.
26:49They could have shot one of them.
26:52They could have shot my stepfather, my mother.
26:55It's not a good feeling.
26:58For my negligence, for what I've done.
27:03Sorry for everything I did.
27:07The raid and everything I haven't apologized for.
27:11Your apology to her means you feel responsible.
27:16Absolutely.
27:18What are you feeling right now?
27:21Do you think you can move forward?
27:24I don't know.
27:25Do you think you can move forward?
27:37I'm not sure because I need to see, like, change from him.
27:44Somebody's hurting so much and they keep on pouring into you.
27:50Comes to a point where they're gonna end up hurt.
27:52If he can't get it together here, it's gonna be very difficult for the family to continue to support him.
27:59Don't get in trouble.
28:01Not one more time.
28:04And to me, I think that right there, just letting you know you can't get in trouble, is really the deal breaker.
28:11Because there is no more support after this.
28:14Our relationship that's done is over with.
28:17And you mean that, right?
28:20So here's the homework assignment I want to give you.
28:23What I want you to do, Deshaun, is I want you to really think about accountability, severing ties with the people that you run with.
28:35How are you legitimately going to change your life?
28:39Fair enough?
28:40Absolutely.
28:41Okay.
28:42So we'll continue this, and we will make the changes.
28:57You ready?
28:58Oh, .
28:59Oh, .
29:00You don't count.
29:01You don't count.
29:02You don't count.
29:03You don't count.
29:04You don't count.
29:06.
29:07When I got into the unit, there was, like, a lot of commotion.
29:18Hearing guys speaking about what gang they rep, like, throwing up gang signs.
29:22You good?
29:23You, you?
29:24You got mad.
29:25How ya do nothing?
29:26You gonna be good.
29:27That was very intimidating for me.
29:30This is my little sis right here, you what you saying?
29:33It's really my man's right here too, this is really my man, this is my man bully, don't
29:43be running.
29:44It kind of hurts me to kind of see the environment that he's living in and the friends he's surrounding
29:51himself around.
29:52What you want, you want some chips or what, sour cream of onions?
29:56Show me your room.
29:57My love, this is my room, this is all it is, this is it, there's nothing to it.
30:02But this is it, my love.
30:03I got a picture of you, I got mad pictures of you, let me see.
30:07I don't want me to see you.
30:09Let me see.
30:10This is mad funny.
30:11You got my birthday picture?
30:13Bro, what you think?
30:14You think I don't be out there outsourcing, trying to get you?
30:18I got you, bro.
30:19What?
30:20How did you even get this picture?
30:21I didn't even take pictures this day, Murda.
30:24Have me.
30:25Liliana, Liliana.
30:26I got a picture already printed.
30:27Bro, I got mad pictures of you, what you think?
30:30I don't need plans.
30:32He was just so excited to have me there and show me everything he had there.
30:36I was seeing recent pictures of me and I'm just in my head like, how did you even get
30:41these?
30:42Mommy is such a creep sending my pictures.
30:45Come on, bro, I got you.
30:47I told you all the time, send me pictures, send me pictures.
30:50That was very empowering to kind of see how much he kind of holds his family close to him
30:56while he's in there.
30:58Hey, I don't miss you, girl.
31:01I know, but if you're going to be here for six months and you want me to believe that you're
31:05going to change, you can't ever, for the next six months, get tickets or talk back.
31:11It is Lockins, Deshaun.
31:12All right.
31:13Hi, Raven.
31:14I love you.
31:15I miss you.
31:16For me, it was very emotional because all we've known is each other and I think we know
31:28each other best.
31:30And over the past few years, two people that were always together are all of a sudden not
31:34allowed to have that contact.
31:36I think that we all have been serving the sentence with Deshaun.
31:43And I don't think it's fair for us to have some of the consequences of his mistake.
31:48This really my man's right here, man.
31:51If he continues affiliating himself with certain crowds, he will be on his own after this.
31:57I love you, all right?
32:06I love you, all right.
32:07If I will fall, I will fall.
32:08If I will fall.
32:09If I will.
32:10If he doesn't.
32:11You don't want your air, if I will press the air.
32:12If I will drop the air.
32:13If I will drop the air.
32:14If I will fall.
32:16Hey, good morning.
32:17I'm here.
32:18I am going to leave the call for residence.
32:19I am here.
32:20I am going to take this call for residence.
32:21I am here.
32:22I am going to take this call for residence.
32:25They said that you have to be an intake for nine.
32:31OK.
32:32intake for nine, we'll be there to walk you over.
32:37Today is his last meeting with Dr. Jeff.
32:40I want my brother to really understand
32:43that it's time to stay out of trouble.
32:45If my brother can't get his together, I'm done with him.
33:02You're a little tired.
33:11I'm exhausted.
33:12You're exhausted.
33:14How are you doing?
33:14I'm well, how are you?
33:16All right.
33:18I don't think I've slept since I've been here.
33:21So this jail experience is not as easy
33:25as you thought it would be.
33:26No, no.
33:29Yeah.
33:29And I thought that the easiest part would be
33:31being able to sleep.
33:33That has been the hardest.
33:35How was your evening?
33:37For a moment, it didn't feel real.
33:39Like, it was crazy.
33:40My sister's actually here.
33:42Like, we having these conversations.
33:44We're building.
33:45We're trying to rekindle things.
33:47We're putting things back into perspective.
33:50It didn't feel real.
33:52A lot happened.
33:54And it's a good thing.
33:57And I know it was very painful for you.
34:00And so I'd like to ask you, Deshawn, how did you feel about your sister breaking down when
34:07she was talking about what happened with the cops coming in and how she felt violated in that way?
34:15It hurt.
34:16It hurt.
34:17It hurt to be the reason why the tears are brought to her eyes.
34:23So I really want us to get to the heart of the matter.
34:28What are the next steps for you?
34:32How are you legitimately going to change your life?
34:36What I can do, I ain't going to say the best thing I can do.
34:41What I can do, first of all, stay away from the people that I was playing around with or
34:48getting money with and all that.
34:50You feel me?
34:51My mind is just legit, legit, legit.
34:54If I can go hard and sell drugs at a million miles per hour and play with honey guns, then
35:00I mean, I can do it legit, just as legit if I put all the focus in it.
35:06I really need to shape in or shape out.
35:08I really need to do this for my family, even myself, and give it the best shot.
35:14Put my best foot forward.
35:17So I'm hoping that once next month comes around, you're enrolled in some programs.
35:23Stop us about what you're doing here and all the programs or whatever.
35:29Do the frickin' programs.
35:32And you need to make the proper amends to your family.
35:37Take responsibility.
35:43I say you're right, to be honest, truth.
35:45Yeah, you're right.
35:47I've done my crimes.
35:49I was in that life.
35:50I've done what I've done.
35:52Nobody else should have to go through that type of trauma.
35:55Nobody else signed up for that.
35:57God, on this truth, I'm sorry for everything I did, everything that, the raid and everything
36:10I probably couldn't apologize for or haven't apologized for, you know what I'm saying?
36:18Let me take accountability today and let you know I'm, I'm, I'm, for real, I'm sorry.
36:23I'm sorry to everybody, I'm sorry for the family.
36:26The pain, you know firsthand what I've done, or the trauma, because you had to be there
36:31to pick up the pieces while I had to go to jail.
36:35And so it is time.
36:37When I do come home, I'm going to do everything, everything, everything to stay out of this place
36:43and never come back, every day.
36:50So, Raven, what's going to happen on release day?
36:55Are you going to be there for your brother?
37:03I don't know.
37:03Because he needs to prove that he's doing what he said he's going to do and stay out
37:28of trouble.
37:31I feel like him apologizing and him being able to take accountability for some of his
37:37actions tells me that he understands his wrongdoings.
37:41It shows the growth.
37:42You're being released.
37:44Thank you very much.
37:46Deshawn says he has plans on living his life correct and being a changed person once he
37:51gets out.
37:52Oh, that's great.
37:54But moving forward, we need to see change from him.
37:58I do want to see him not getting in trouble, and he needs to stop hanging around the wrong
38:04crew while he's still in jail.
38:07You're just going to sign for your clothing that you just received and all your remaining
38:10property the officer will follow you down with, OK?
38:12So just sign right here for me.
38:14That is my brother.
38:15I love him.
38:16You're all set to go.
38:17Good luck to you, OK?
38:20But if he finds himself coming in and out of trouble, it's going to be him on his own
38:25figuring it out.
38:26I was the f*****g with no pants with a suit, eh?
38:34Who you talking to?
38:34Yo, stop playing, man.
38:35Yo, stop playing.
38:37I, we be out of here, I only got about 10 minutes.
38:46Watch your mouth.
38:55Packing up, I'm getting out of here today, and this is all I'm taking.
39:03This is some paperwork, mail, pictures that I got sent since I've been down.
39:09Saw it at a show for four years and two months.
39:13Came here at 20 years old, leaving at 24.
39:16What my sister told me to do was stay out of trouble.
39:19At the end of the day, I did stay out of trouble.
39:22I think it's real important to show my sister that I won't be doing the same things or hanging with the same people,
39:26because I need my sister to support more support and stay out of jail.
39:30What are you going to do better?
39:31I've got something to prove to people that you love.
39:34If my sister's not there outside when I get released, I mean, it'll hurt.
39:40You know what I'm saying?
39:42So I'm hoping she's here, ultimately at the end.
39:46Yo, DJ!
39:47Yo!
39:48Yo!
39:49Yo ass home.
39:50Get up out of here, you heard?
39:52You're so old.
39:53You're black, stay dangerous.
39:54Stay black and stay dangerous.
39:55They're half black and stay dangerous.
39:56Oh, they call me?
39:58I'm gone.
39:59Get up out of here.
40:00It's they're half black, it's they're dating.
40:01Oh, they call me?
40:08I'm gone.
40:10Get up out of here.
40:11I got a second.
40:13If he's not out there, I would understand
40:15I've hurt my sister in ways that I couldn't even imagine.
40:19It would also maybe mean that I have a lot more to prove
40:21and with action instead of just words.
40:24This is your release certificate.
40:26Released to your ID.
40:30You can follow me over here.
40:31Yeah, you got to release something out of here.
40:34So I don't know what's going to happen.
40:37This is like a myth.
40:37Everybody's talking about this long hallway.
40:40So this is the hallway to freedom.
40:42Literally what it is.
40:56What's up, man?
40:57I was scared.
40:59Going through the program and me myself being in prison
41:03helped me understand how much more important it is
41:05to be there for my brother.
41:07I feel like him being away restricted our relationship
41:12and I'm just excited that it has no boundaries now.
41:16My expectations are just staying in a lifestyle
41:19that keeps him away from the negativity that caused him
41:22to spend so much time in prison.
41:24However, he is his own person.
41:27I just can hope that he does what's right for himself
41:30and our family.
41:32With everything, my sister, my family support,
41:35time to show that we're changed, focused, and here.
41:38I love you, bro.
41:39Since I've been released, my family's been good.
41:43When I first got home, seeing everything moving fast,
41:47like, my anxiety had came up a lot
41:48because there was just so much to look at.
41:50After four years, you're just so used to just seeing
41:52the same thing every day.
41:53It was a lot to take in.
41:54I think it was an adjustment.
41:55He would come home and speak so loud sometimes,
41:57and I'm just saying, we're home now.
41:59Like, you can't, you don't have to speak across the room
42:00right here.
42:01Our relationship has improved significantly through the program.
42:06I think we were able to talk to each other on a level
42:08that we never really had the opportunity.
42:10So now, he's been very focused on work and family
42:13and doing the right thing.
42:14Working with our family business is on the floor right now.
42:17In the near future, I'm going for my CDL
42:19and obtaining a job in the trucking.
42:21I'm just proud that he was able to adjust,
42:23and he's not letting his past define him.
42:25I know it just feels good to be free.
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