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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:24Me to the best of the two Johnny's late night lock-in
00:30Now there are so many great moments from the last series who can forget Margot Robbie giving Johnny B a piggyback
00:39Ah the time we bet Ronaldo on headers and volleys
00:42Yeah Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter remember they did that acoustic version of the guy that scammed the rat
00:46That's right
00:48But it tells you just how good tonight's show is cause none of them made the highlight reel
00:55All right, let's take a look at what didn't make the call roll that tail
01:00Now it's time to find out who's in the bar
01:07Who's in the bar?
01:09Don't know how I learned how to do this, but I can balance things on my nose on my face
01:14I can balance pretty much pretty much anything I think on your face. Yeah, that's showbiz
01:20Now now
01:22Oh
01:24Oh
01:26Oh
01:28Oh
01:30Oh
01:32Oh
01:34Oh
01:36Oh
01:38Oh
01:40Oh
01:42I put one ear in first
01:44Oh my god
01:45And then another one
01:47But this is where the real trick happens
01:49Oh
01:51Oh
01:53Oh
01:55That's amazing
01:56What is it?
01:57What is it?
01:57Poke booty clap
01:59Oh
02:00I gotta keep on dancing at the peak booty clap
02:04I gotta keep on dancing down in less early words
02:08Oh
02:09I'm gonna keep on dancing at the peak booty clap
02:13Peak booty clap
02:15Yeah!
02:20Jesus, lads.
02:22What did you say that?
02:24Can you do that? I don't want to put you on the spot.
02:26I don't know. Watch your record, lads.
02:29All right, here we go. Shhh. What am I bloody down here?
02:37Yeah!
02:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:58Oh, you, Stacey!
03:02Jesus!
03:07I can't do the ball. I can't do the ball.
03:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:15You, yourself, almost had a career as a pop star.
03:29I did audition for a boy band for Louis Walsh.
03:32Yeah, well... How did it go?
03:35Yeah, not great.
03:37It was in the pod in Dublin. Do you remember the pod?
03:39Yeah, yeah.
03:40They call my name up and I'm starting to sing
03:42I can show you the world from Aladdin.
03:44All right. Good song choice.
03:45Top tune.
03:48And, uh...
03:49What, song choice?
03:50What?
03:51I don't know. And do you know what?
03:52I started to, boy.
03:53I was like...
03:54I started, I went, I'm in trouble.
03:58So, afterwards, anyway, Louis kept going to me.
04:00Come, I want to get you.
04:01I'm going to put you in a band.
04:02I'm going to put you in a band.
04:03I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool.
04:04I'm getting all brilliant.
04:05After that audition, he took me outside and he says,
04:08maybe not this band, but I'm definitely going to work with you in something.
04:11I was like, all right, brilliant.
04:12Oh, thank God. I really messed that up.
04:14He's like, yeah, yeah, no, we'll get you in something.
04:15I really want to do something with you.
04:16I was like, brilliant.
04:17He said, no, we have to get something done with them ears.
04:21What?
04:22We have to get something done with them ears.
04:24Your ears?
04:25Yeah, and I was like, I was looking and going,
04:26I'm only 16.
04:27Yeah.
04:28Yeah, yeah, okay.
04:29Yeah, yeah.
04:30Yeah, sure.
04:31So, I went home and I was saying to my ma, I was saying,
04:33he said I have to get something done with my ears.
04:34I was thinking my ma would say, like, cheeky bastard.
04:36Yeah, yeah.
04:37My ma turned around and says, do you want to get something done with them?
04:39I was like, what the fuck is wrong with my ears?
04:44Last week in York, there was a man playing with himself up in the stalls of the show.
04:49I know, I was thrilled.
04:50Yeah.
04:51I was absolutely delighted.
04:55I was like, shut up.
04:57Was he hot?
04:58Was he wearing a ring?
04:59What was the crack?
05:00Because that just never happened.
05:02But he was like having a little.
05:03Now, I was fed, I didn't know how, he was having a little go of himself, I'd say.
05:08What?
05:09He wasn't having a full.
05:10Right.
05:11You know what I mean?
05:12He wasn't full of pepper shit.
05:13No, it was like.
05:14Yeah.
05:15It was a little sprinkling.
05:16Would you say a little sprinkling of sorts?
05:17A fondle.
05:18A fondle.
05:19It's like he was playing three blind mice on himself.
05:20Because then, I didn't know.
05:21Anyway, I saw the footage of it and it was quite innocent in the end.
05:23Okay.
05:24It wasn't the compliment I thought it was.
05:25Ah.
05:26Yeah.
05:27But when he was removed, you just went.
05:28And I was like, that's not that hot.
05:29You should have fought for me.
05:30Do you know what I mean?
05:31I was like, I want to stay and finish because she's still hot.
05:32I just left.
05:33So that's the closest thing I've had.
05:34What kind of commitment is that?
05:35I think I'm seeing him now.
05:36I think we're going to date.
05:37True or false.
05:38Were you the only boy in an all girls school?
05:39True.
05:40Yeah.
05:41True.
05:42Why?
05:43I don't know.
05:44I didn't make up the rules.
05:45Not with me.
05:46I think they just left it so long to put me in the house.
05:49They just went.
05:50And I was like, that's not that hot.
05:51You should have fought for me.
05:52Do you know what I mean?
05:53I want to stay and finish because she's still hot.
05:54I just left.
05:55So that's the closest thing I've had.
05:56Yeah.
05:57What kind of commitment is that?
05:58I think I'm seeing him now.
05:59I think we're going to date.
06:00True or false.
06:01Were you the only boy in an all girls school?
06:02True, yeah.
06:03I think they just left it so long to put me into a school that there was no, in our
06:08local area, there was no places left, right?
06:10Yeah.
06:11So they had to just get, you have to go to school.
06:13It's law.
06:14Yeah.
06:15And eventually the only school that would take me was the girls school.
06:17So I went in.
06:18So I spent the first seven years in my school with all girls in my class and everything.
06:23We have a picture of you here.
06:25Yeah.
06:26It's very overdrift for a Monday.
06:27Yeah, yeah.
06:28That was just when I wore to school, you know.
06:29I look like a little cult leader in that time.
06:30It's like all these little miniature wives that I have, that this little cult leader has.
06:47Looking back on it, I was like, no one's going to want to touch me.
06:50Well, I was wrong.
06:51I didn't know it blew up and then I tweet Putin and it was the worst thing ever.
06:57You tweeted who?
06:58I tweeted Putin.
06:59Vladimir Putin.
07:00I tweeted.
07:01What did you say to him?
07:02I just said, hey bro, how much did you pay them?
07:05He's here tonight making that.
07:10And that lad.
07:14I was like, no, I can't.
07:15I can't.
07:16I can't.
07:17I can't.
07:18I can't.
07:19I can't.
07:20I can't.
07:21I can't.
07:22I can't.
07:23I can't.
07:24I can't.
07:25I can't.
07:26I can't.
07:27I can't.
07:28I can't.
07:29What is your record on the long jump?
07:316.32.
07:326.
07:336 metres.
07:340.32.
07:35Right.
07:36Well, the reason we're asking that is because earlier, my self-match gave it a go.
07:42We didn't know what was a good length, what was a bad length. We've got a video here of Johnny trying to, do you want to see it?
07:49Here we go
07:54Now I just want to say I am carrying a quad injury, the grinds a bit tight
08:00I didn't have the right runners, several things. Right okay, would you do the honours?
08:05Do you want me to stand up? Yeah, here you go, you can reveal that
08:08Where you are there? Smacks got one point
08:13Seven, I'll take that. Pretty good
08:23Let's have a look and see how Johnny B got on
08:28He was cheating he had really good runners on
08:31What did you get John? I did slightly better. I got 2.2
08:35What did you see you got again? 6.32
08:386.32 okay, we're just going to explain that to people
08:40If we can
08:42You jumped
08:44There's 4
08:46There's 5 metres
08:486.32 here
08:50Well I have two dogs, I had two dogs, I've had a three-legged lurcher called Lola for years and then we fostered Mick who has four legs
09:08And there they are there yeah
09:10I don't know
09:12I don't know what they're doing
09:21Lola looks happy
09:23It looks like Lola's going
09:25You've got to earn your blessing this out
09:28We know at the same time that say all ye jockeys you're all in the same way room
09:31You're all like kind of talking out together for want of a better room
09:34Literally beside each other we're all
09:35Can you get spicy in there like can it be
09:38Do you know what I mean like I'll be honest like if some lad cut me off down a corner he'd be
09:41Yeah, there's kind of a code
09:42Right
09:43It can get spicy there'd be a couple of but really like we're small little
09:48Lads
09:50It's kind of a mormon
09:53Don't do that again
09:54Why are you samba so hard?
09:56Because it's all about like bounce and I move in your hips and your body
10:04I mean is there any music in this place?
10:07Can we get a bit of samba music?
10:08Oh
10:24Hang on
10:25Could you can you explain the basic steps?
10:27That's actually whoever I put that song on that's very fast
10:31Right so we don't normally go that quick but they're batch of caddis that you would do to that
10:35I knew it was a batch of caddis
10:36Yeah
10:37Classic batch of caddis
10:38So you close your feet
10:39Right close your feet lads I hope you all do with us
10:40Come on we all do with us
10:41Let's and girls come on
10:42Can you take a step back
10:43Head around the pub here we go lads
10:44Right okay listen up here we go
10:45So we close our feet and we're going to go back on our right and then left so it's literally just back
10:49Back and stay up on your toes wiggling your hips
10:52So we let you go
10:54Bump Bump Bump Bump
10:56Right
10:56Not bad
10:58And then we'll just shake
11:01You ready for music
11:02Hang on hang on hang on
11:03But do you reckon we want people to learn to dance
11:07Oh you're doing it behind the bar
11:08We want people to learn to dance
11:09Yeah
11:10But there probably won't be too much samba music on in the pub in chipperary
11:13Yeah
11:13Okay
11:14So can we do this to a song that you might hear in a pub in Ireland
11:16Oh we can make it work
11:17Okay right lads
11:19Okay
11:44Okay well seeing as you are the only real pro presenter here you do
11:48Live television all the time
11:49Oh
11:50Would you read the autocue and throw it to the link for us
11:52I would love to
11:53Where am I going down here
11:53You see the screen is on top here here we go
11:55Okay we have got a camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone
11:58smells of cabbage and I'd never go there because they're all sod busting blah eating bog monsters and Limerick to know what it is
12:03It's way better also I love the two audience
12:08I love the two audience and their fair class
12:15The two johnny's not the two johnny's not the two audience
12:16Thank you thank you
12:20Thank you
12:37Thank you thank you
12:38Thank you
12:39Thank you
12:40I am
12:41Wyrm wrote that herself
12:42Of course
12:43Let's have another game of Irish or Aussie let's head back to Coogee Beach in Sydney
12:47Whoa
12:48Oh
12:49It feels like home in a way doesn't it
12:51Doesn't it
12:51You'll be just buzzing
12:52Right so just by looking at somebody
12:54Who's this lad
12:56Are the Irish or the Australian
12:58This lad looks so scared get in on him
13:00Get in on him
13:02Oh he's got budgie
13:04Okay don't say Anthony man you're live on television nod your head if you're up for playing a game
13:08I think he's got a big Irish head in him but he's Australian from the neck down
13:12Yeah
13:14If that's at all possible
13:16Joanne what do you reckon
13:18I agree with you the pants aren't there
13:20No Irish man to wear those pants
13:22But he does have an Irish head
13:24I'm confused
13:26Audience what do you reckon Irish or Aussie?
13:28Aussie
13:30Okay what's your name mate and where are you from?
13:32Joanne from Ireland
13:36We've got a game that we're calling We Aren't Family
13:40Yeah so we've got a camera out in the streets of Galway where all the members of the family are dancing to the same tune
13:44But here's the catch one person isn't in the family your job is to spot the imposter
13:49Okay
13:51Okay alright let's go live to Galway
13:53Okay here we go
13:55Lads we've got the DeSantis family
13:57I feel like I know already
13:59From one to six straight away
14:01Roddy you're looking at them who do you think is not in the family?
14:05They're the family
14:07They're the family
14:09Yeah they're all a family bar one
14:11That fella number two he looks a bit wrong
14:13They look
14:15Andrew what do you reckon Andrew?
14:17Number three because he looks too happy
14:19No family is that happy
14:21Yeah
14:22Okay Karen what do you reckon?
14:23Oh now you're going close it's hard
14:25Yeah
14:26No so that's they look the image
14:27Yeah
14:28That fella on the end looks like he's just being plumped there
14:31It could be him right
14:33He looks a bit awkward
14:34They say the rhythm is in the genes so let's find out
14:37We'll get them dancing let's see
14:38Is this live?
14:39Yeah this is live in Galway
14:41Come on you good people
14:42Right hit the music
14:49Oh I'm taking number four
14:52Oh
14:53Who do you reckon?
14:54Oh
14:56It's amazing number four is dancing with his toe
15:01Karen who's not in the family?
15:03Oh that's so hard
15:04I tell you I think number three is American
15:07Number three looks a bit foreign
15:09He looks American
15:10Okay
15:11But so does number one
15:12That girl looks too jolly
15:13compared to the rest of them
15:14Okay lads who's not in the family?
15:15Three
15:18What do you call it?
15:19What number?
15:20Four you reckon?
15:21I'll tell you what say or not
15:22Cause we'll find out after the break
15:40We are family
15:41We are family
15:45Hey!
15:46Welcome back to the Two Johnnies of Late Night Lock-In!
15:51Now before the break we've seen the De Santos family on the streets of Galway
15:56But one person wasn't actually part of the family John
15:58Yes let's go back to Galway and see lads
16:00Right looking at the screens
16:01Who do we think is not part of the family lads?
16:03What do you reckon?
16:04What number?
16:06Six
16:08What are we saying?
16:09Okay okay moment of truth
16:10Moment of truth
16:11We think it's number four
16:12Some people are saying number six
16:13Would the real imposter please step forward?
16:25Okay number four
16:26What's your name and how do you know the family or have you ever met them before?
16:29My name is Cian and I have no idea who these people are
16:34Put your hands together and a big thank you to everybody on the streets of Galway
16:43We're raising children not to play outside because it's too dangerous
16:56Don't let them play outside
16:57Why?
16:58What in case they discover exploration, independence, problem solving, resilience and essential fucking adult skills
17:04And ironically leaving them indoors with the iPad
17:07Where the paedophiles actually live by the way on the internet
17:10So we find ourselves in an environment
17:17I learnt this recently
17:18Ireland
17:19Has a navy
17:23We've seven boats lads
17:26Oh the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now aren't they huh?
17:30We have seven ships
17:32Seven vessels
17:33And their job
17:34Is to go around the island
17:36To go around the island
17:37Now
17:38I don't know if they go up the north
17:40Right?
17:42I haven't googled it yet
17:43Right?
17:44So they go three quarters around the island
17:46Right?
17:48Or up the island
17:49I'm a cross community comedian
17:50Pick your side lads
17:51Right?
17:52And their job
17:53And I didn't know this
17:54When I go to bed at night
17:55On my lovely warm pillow
17:56There's men and women
17:57Out there
17:58On the water
17:59Away from their own families
18:02Four or five weeks at a time
18:04Protecting our country
18:05They're away from their own families
18:07Riding each other
18:11Oh they're all at it
18:12Just like the guards and the teachers
18:13They live out in the Atlantic Ocean
18:24They love it like
18:25And they're away from
18:28They're away from
18:29Away from their own families
18:30Protecting our country
18:31And I'm at home
18:33And these people will never let us down
18:35If we ever get invaded
18:36But only in Ireland would this happen
18:38That one day
18:39On the news
18:40The government announced
18:41To the rest of the world
18:42That five of the ships were broken
18:46What sort of a country
18:48Announces to the rest of the world
18:52That their first line of defence
18:54Is broken
18:55Keep your mouth shut lads
18:58Tell them you have a hundred boats
18:59And say nothing
19:00Right?
19:01I know the UK have a policy
19:03To stop the boats
19:04In Ireland we can't even feckin start
19:05Like you know
19:13This is the weirdest RT show
19:15I have ever done
19:16Ladies and gentlemen
19:17And I just recently did
19:19High Road Low Road for RT1
19:20Anybody see it?
19:21Yeah
19:22If anybody see it
19:23Okay you flick a coin
19:24Two percent flick a coin
19:25One person gets the high road
19:26The high end
19:27Five star experience
19:28The other person gets the low road
19:29The shite experience
19:30High road low road
19:31Colin Murphy and I went to Poland
19:32Colin Murphy got front row tickets
19:34To a Coldplay concert
19:35Backstage passes
19:36Backstage passes
19:37And a chance to chat
19:38To Chris Martin
19:39One on one for 25 minutes
19:40And I got the high road
19:42I am single at the minute
19:43Um
19:44Oh yes
19:45Meet me at the bar afterwards
19:46Um
19:47But I think I think I know why I'm single now
19:59I think I figured it out
20:00I think it's because I like to think I can change a man
20:03Yes
20:04Yes
20:05Yes the girls over here as well
20:06Yes
20:07We love a little bit of a project don't we
20:08Yes
20:09You know the way some men like to fix cars
20:11Yes
20:12Well I like to fix men
20:13I'll look for something on the verge of breaking down and I'll be like come here to me
20:18And then I'll spend two years under that thing making sure it's road worthy
20:23Don't worry guys as a comedian you're in safe hands with me I'm very woke
20:28Unbelievable
20:29Unbelievable
20:30Like even when it comes to the old LGBTQTA
20:33I've got a best friend for every letter
20:35I do
20:36I've got a best friend for every
20:38Like lesbian that's my friend Jyvonne
20:40Like G that's my friend Brian
20:42Like T-Trans that's my friend Jyvonne again
20:44She's great she covers a load of letters for me actually
20:49She's unreal that one she's great
20:52She doesn't cover asexual at the end people who don't want to have sex
20:55But my wife sorts that one out so it's fine
21:05You learn a lot when you become a dad the breastfeeding and all that
21:07I remember the very first time ever experiencing it
21:10I was there with my wife
21:11She was trying to feed the baby
21:12It wasn't really working
21:13I didn't realise
21:14I thought it just would work all the time you know
21:16And God bless the nurses
21:17A nurse came into the room
21:19And grabbed my wife's breast and my son's head
21:22With the elegance of a builder
21:24You know
21:26Like picking an extension lead out of a puddle
21:28I'll get it to work don't worry
21:30And now I kind of thrive on the awkwardness you know
21:33I love it
21:34Like my wife's dad was coming to visit when we had the baby
21:38And I could see by the walk on the man
21:41When he walked into the living room that he was going to go for a kiss
21:44With the baby
21:46And I also knew his daughter was feeding the baby
21:48So I could have stopped him
21:53But I was bored out of my mind you know
21:58I said ah this would be good
22:00And fair play to him
22:02He must have known when he got to there
22:03But he kept going all the way down
22:06It was so awkward
22:07And then he tried to make a joke about it
22:08Which is something I wouldn't recommend
22:10To be quite honest with you
22:11Because the joke he went for that evening right was
22:15Leave some for me you greedy little shit
22:20We haven't seen him since you know
22:24Am I the only fucker that can see the obvious link
22:27Between the decline of drinking alcohol
22:29And the rise of celibacy
22:31It's fucking obvious
22:33Um
22:34Siobhan and Noel
22:35I don't know how long you've been together
22:3724 years
22:3924 years right
22:40We don't even need to check right
22:41Unless you're Muslim or a recovering addict Noel
22:44You were off your tits
22:45The first time you got it on
22:46With Siobhan
22:47There is no other
22:48There is no
22:49There is no
22:50There is no other way
22:52There is no
22:53There is
22:54There is
22:55Sorry
22:59Guaranteed
23:00Well
23:03We know
23:08Well now
23:09Now that's guaranteed then
23:10I know
23:11We don't even need to check Noel
23:12Do not confirm or do not
23:13I know for a fact
23:14You wouldn't even be here tonight
23:16You never would
23:17Were it not for alcohol
23:19You would not have been created
23:20There would be an empty space
23:22There'd be no rose
23:23Noel would have had to get to the point where I go
23:25I could see two of you
23:26Can I smash one of you
23:27It would have been something like that
23:30Wouldn't it
23:31It's bang on
23:32Thank you
23:33That's it
23:34Put your chips on my back Noel
23:35That's it
23:36That's it
23:37That's it
23:38I can feel the vinegar on my Chinese tattoo
23:42Thank you very much
23:43Good evening
23:47Ladies and gentlemen
23:48It's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time
23:50It's
23:51The Parish Quiz
23:52The Parish Quiz
24:09I also heard you're a lifeguard
24:10You're a qualified lifeguard
24:11Yeah
24:12Technically yeah
24:13But I can't swim
24:14Right so you're a lifeguard and you can't swim
24:17You're aware of what lifeguards do
24:19Yeah
24:20How did you qualify?
24:22Erm
24:23I did a class in school
24:24With about 20 other people
24:25Right
24:26And I was the only one that failed
24:27And they felt bad
24:28So they passed me
24:29I'll tell you one thing Dean
24:32If I'm ever in the river lad
24:33Please please just offer me a soup instead or something
24:36What are you up to yourself?
24:37Oh
24:38Doing a bit of milking
24:39Doing a bit of nursing
24:40Bit of milking
24:41A bit of nursing
24:42Bit of nursing
24:43Bit of milking
24:44Yeah
24:45The two ends of it
24:46You know
24:47Are you a nurse?
24:48Trying
24:49I'm in my
24:50Are you studying to be a nurse?
24:51I only dropped out once
24:52And I didn't drop out this past two years
24:54So I'm doing well now
24:55Should get on to Dean's teacher
24:56He'll definitely pass it
24:59And who are you milking?
25:00Or who are you milking for?
25:01Who are you milking for?
25:03Who are you milking for?
25:04He's a fellow up the road from me
25:09Right
25:10Milking there nearly five years
25:11So
25:12Now we heard
25:13You had an interest in the old Rose of Tralee yourself
25:15Hey!
25:17What's this?
25:18What's going on?
25:19We love
25:20So we're only about 14 minutes odd from Tralee at home
25:22So we go back every year
25:23So I recognised a few of the faces when I came in this evening
25:25And we love it
25:26And how do you think Caitlin is doing?
25:28Oh she's fab
25:29Caitlin's a dote
25:30Yeah such a good guy
25:31Great answer
25:32Rose Tralee answer
25:34100%
25:35I feel like Dottie O'Shea already
25:36What a kill lady
25:38Hold on lads
25:39Do you have a favourite animal?
25:41I do
25:42Snoopy the cow
25:43Snoopy the cow
25:45Snoopy the cow now
25:47Is Snoopy the cow just your favourite
25:48Or is it a pet or what?
25:49Oh it's a pet
25:50Yeah no
25:51She
25:52As a calf and a heifer
25:53She used to snoop into her pockets
25:55Right
25:56To see what she could find
25:57Usually sweets or something
25:58You know
25:59Something good
26:00So that's why she got the name Snoopy
26:03The way I left your favourite
26:04There was a load of money in there
26:05There's none of that Johnny
26:08And representing us is Jake Keiney
26:10How are you Jake?
26:11Too bad now
26:12Too bad
26:13Well Jake how are you getting on man?
26:14Right
26:17Jesus Christ
26:18A fair long way up
26:19I used to worry
26:22We're up here every week man
26:23Come on
26:24You could stay home
26:25We'd see each other as hell
26:26Like
26:27Kicking off with John in Ross Norrie
26:29Here's your question
26:30Hi Johnny
26:31Congratulations on becoming the third Johnny
26:33Just to ask you
26:35Who was the captain of the St Mary's
26:37Adult team that won the Junior B Championship
26:40And here's his mother
26:41It's a mirage
26:42The man asking the question is standing right there
26:55And then the mother is there
26:57You obviously recognise that woman
26:58I do yeah
26:59Who is it?
27:00Who is it?
27:01It's Mammy
27:02Wait
27:03The woman in the video is your mother
27:04Yeah
27:05Right
27:06Okay so the answer to the question is
27:07My brother James Lynch
27:08Let's find out if you're right
27:09And the answer is James Lynch
27:10And the answer is James Lynch
27:11Yeah
27:12Yay
27:13Muncher Connacht
27:14We're back to you
27:15Let's have your next question
27:17Well Amy Connacht here
27:18I'm with the two Fergals
27:19You're with the two Johnnies
27:20Muncher Connacht last won the Junior Championship in 1976 against Banya
27:25Muncher Connacht
27:26Muncher Connacht
27:27We're back to you
27:28Let's have your next question
27:30Well Amy Connacht here
27:31I'm with the two Fergals
27:32You're with the two Johnnies
27:34Muncher Connacht last won the Junior Championship in 1976 against Banya
27:38Our question for you today is
27:41Whose cows are those?
27:45Whose cows are they out the back of the GEF field?
27:47Right
27:48It is own Brodie's cows
27:51Own Brodie's cows
27:52Yes
27:53Right well let's find out if you're right
27:54And the answer is
27:56The Brodie's
28:02Tyg we're starting with Nurnie
28:03Here we go here's your question
28:04Hi Tyg
28:05Gillian here from the shop
28:06Can you tell us which local farmer sells us these potatoes?
28:13No Tyg, that's Gillian from the shop
28:16No need for first names
28:17The shop
28:18I like how you roll in Nurnie
28:20Too much hardship to name the shop
28:23It's just the shop
28:24It's just the shop
28:25Who produces them spuds?
28:29John Byrne
28:30John Byrne
28:31Okay, alright
28:32John Byrne
28:33Let's find out if you're right
28:35And the answer is
28:36The Byrnes
28:37Well done, well done
28:38Well done
28:39Well done, well done
28:40Well done, well done
28:41Well done, well done
28:42Well done, well done
28:44Humanity
28:45Well done, well done
28:46OK, Aisling, let's go back to Kaleed Eve for your next question
28:51Hi, Aisling. Margaret and Mike here. We're here in the shop in Nahida and Margaret has a question for you.
28:58Aisling, what year did my mother open the shop?
29:06Now, that is Kalidi's posh and becks, Margaret and Mike.
29:11What year did Margaret's mother open the shop?
29:14I think it's the 50s. I'm between 53 and 54.
29:1854. Go on, give it a go.
29:2054.
29:211954.
29:22Okay, let's go back to Dexter's laboratory and find out.
29:27And the answer is...
29:291953.
29:35Unlucky, unlucky.
29:39Jake, you ready?
29:41Just to go up now.
29:43Let's go to the Premier County for our next question.
29:48Hi, Jake. Andy here with Firmacool's two hounds.
29:52But last Thursday evening, this hound here, Pepe, had a big birthday party in Palmuca.
29:58Your father was there with many others.
30:00He had a cheesecake, the lads had sponge cake.
30:03But what age was Pepe?
30:05Okay, the question is...
30:07Hold on, hold on now.
30:08The question is, what age was Pepe the dog last week?
30:11Well, I wouldn't invite it, that was...
30:14Right, I didn't even get to collect the fatter that night.
30:17Er...
30:19That dog's fair old.
30:2016.
30:21That's a fair age.
30:22Let's go back to Andy and find out if you're right.
30:23Aye, Jake.
30:24I hope you got it right, or you'll be in trouble the next evening.
30:25But Mr Pepe celebrated his 16th birthday.
30:26It's a draw, lads, which means we need a tiebreaker.
30:28Right, can we get Davy Russell to give us a hand with this tiebreaker?
30:29Davy Russell?
30:30So...
30:31Jump in here, Dave.
30:32This is in this item.
30:33This is a tough quiz, lads.
30:34It is a tough quiz.
30:35Well, you see, you're not from those parishes, Danny.
30:36I'm not.
30:37So it's...
30:381953 and 1929.
30:39I'm not.
30:40I'm not.
30:41I'm not.
30:42I'm not.
30:43I'm not.
30:44I'm not.
30:45I'm not.
30:46So, it's...
30:471953 and 1929.
30:49I'm not.
30:50So, I'm not.
30:51I'm not.
30:52So, I'm not.
30:53I'm not.
30:54I'm not.
30:55So, I'm not.
30:56So, I'm not.
30:581953 and 1954.
30:59Do you know what I mean?
31:00No.
31:01Okay, lads.
31:02So, our question is.
31:03Davy Russell, champion jockey.
31:05All his life had to be on top of his weight in order to race.
31:09Our question is, now he's retired, what weight is he?
31:12Do you have a weight in skills?
31:15No, please.
31:16Tyg and Nerney, to the nearest kg.
31:18What weight would you say, Davy?
31:20He's laying him up and down.
31:21It's crazy.
31:22What's your looking, Tyg?
31:24His whole height.
31:25His high quarters are...
31:27Have a good, have a good look at him now.
31:30What, what would you put on him, Tyg?
31:33Eh...
31:34Shhh.
31:3688 kg.
31:3888 kg.
31:3988 kg.
31:40What's that in old money?
31:41I don't know.
31:42I don't know what that is in old money.
31:4388 kg.
31:44Ashley?
31:45Oh, it's pure sat in the deck.
31:47I'd say 85 kg.
31:49Okay, she's meant for a little less than 85.
31:52Well, here's the moment of the truth.
31:53Davy jumps into that room.
31:55We're back in the weigh room.
31:56Oh, I mean, like, with or without clothes?
32:00We'll be back after the break.
32:02Wait, wait, close.
32:03We'll live on the clothes.
32:04Oh, just hop up and it'll she'll work away.
32:05Will she?
32:06Yeah, okay.
32:07All right.
32:08Including the boots.
32:09Shhh.
32:1088 kg.
32:11Which means Tyg is the winner.
32:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:16Now, here is the moment of truth, okay?
32:26In one of these envelopes is an all-expenses paid trip to Las Vegas.
32:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:33Now, also in there, okay, is a bag of spuds from the shop.
32:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:41Which envelope are you going to take, Tyg?
32:42What's it going to be?
32:43In one of them is a trip to Vegas and the other is the bag of spuds.
32:46We're going with this one.
32:47You're going with that one closest to you, okay?
32:48Tyg, open her up and let us know.
32:50Dead right, bless yourself.
32:51I can be fingers crossed to you, Tyg.
32:52Hold it up to the camera.
32:53What have you got?
32:54What's it going to be?
32:55A bag of spuds.
32:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:58Thanks, give it up for Tyg and Ackling.
33:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:07Free from desire.
33:09Mind and sense is purified.
33:11Free from desire.
33:13Mind and sense is purified.
33:15Free from desire.
33:16Mind and sense is purified.
33:18Free from desire.
33:20Woo!
33:21No...
33:23No...
33:24No...
33:25No...
33:26No...
33:27No...
33:28No..."
33:30No...
33:32No...
33:34No...
33:35No...
33:36No...
33:37Now, ladies and gentlemen you may not know this, and we don't like to bring it up often,
33:40but tip one, the All-Ireland.
33:42Yeah!
33:43Ha-ha-ha!
33:44Oh, take that, Carl!
33:46Carol
33:49And tonight in the bar is a very important guest. Can I make my way down please if you don't mind ladies and gentlemen?
33:55Sorry, how are you? You're not our guest. Well, thank you
33:59Not you in a good Kenny Jersey either lads because if you don't mind right here behind you all all evening has been
34:05Delima Carter
34:11No
34:13Tipperary we're lucky enough to win it this year
34:17But only ten counties have ever won the hurling all-Ireland championship and had the chance to climb those hallowed steps and make the famous speech
34:24So we thought we'd let some counties who have never won the all-Ireland
34:30Some people here in the audience might like to lift it like I see a whole mix of jerseys where you guys from?
34:35I'm Baltimore America. Baltimore have never won it
34:38Oh
34:40Right is say for example. Is there anyone here from Tyrone?
34:47Okay, let's go have a chance
34:51This this this should go well, I think
34:54Okay, who's from Tyrone?
34:57I've never won the Lima Carter you think that's right. I know. Well, would you like the chance now to lift the cup and make a speech?
35:02Jesus lovely. Okay. Are you ready so in your own time ready?
35:06I'm ready
35:08Oh
35:10Yeah
35:12Who would you like to thank?
35:14Jesus I'd like to thank my whole family and all the good people at Tirlikin
35:18Especially my uncle Rodney Kelly big inspiration
35:20No, this is this is unbelievable. Never thought I'd left this thing in my life
35:28Thanks very much
35:29Give it up for Tyrone everybody
35:31Yay!
35:34Back to you, Johnny Smacks
35:36Thank you John. Now as Johnny B said only ten counties have won the Lee McCarthy Cup. One of those counties have won it since 1998
35:43I am of course talking about Offaly. Neil, do you remember the summer of 1998?
35:50Shut your face
35:52Yes, it was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. First team to be knocked out and still win it. We got in the back door. The way all Offaly people like to do it
36:05I'm from Rosgray so right on the border. Yeah occupied Offaly
36:08Yeah
36:10You know, I'm always kind of giving Offaly a ribbon, but I think it's it's time that you know we get the Lee McCarthy or give it to an Offaly man
36:16Oh, yes, I think it's only fair answer. Would you like to see Neil Delamere lift the Lee McCarthy Cup?
36:19I don't know about this
36:22For the boys of Offaly
36:24Come on, what about Carlo?
36:26I don't know if I can do this John
36:30There's a good chance there's a good chance I may not be able to show me face around Rosgrave for a while
36:34But Neil Delamere you've surely practiced this in the mirror as a young fella
36:37No, I knew I was so shite. I didn't get anyone here
36:40I'd like to thank my uncle Rodney Kelly
36:45He's he moved down from Tyrone and this is why we won can I do the speech I would make all lads
36:51It's listen it's customary in this position when to say hip hip array to the losing team
36:58But it was Kilkenny and you can't beat those fuckers by enough
37:07I'm going to go take a look at that
37:09He's going to lift him up
37:10Let's go get him up
37:15Oh, blue it is a lovely colour till it gets the second dip
37:19That's the way with the old-lads courtin'
37:22You'll never know when he'll take a fit
37:24Madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
37:27Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
37:29Oh, madam I have gold and silver
37:32Madam I have tracks of land
37:34Madam I have ships in the ocean
37:36All I'm missing is a fine young man
37:38Madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
37:41Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
37:44Oh, going to the well for water
37:46Washing it around for to make some tay
37:48He fell over, I fell under
37:51All of the game was above the day
37:53Madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
37:55Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
37:58Oh, madam you can tie my garter
38:01Tie it up above my knee
38:03If you want, you can tie it further
38:05Madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
38:07Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
38:10Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
38:13Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
38:15Oh, madam I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
38:18Yay!
38:18So you can match the personality of an animal to what kind of person they should be with.
38:30It's not die or relate again with animals is it?
38:32It kind of is.
38:33It's like an Irish person.
38:34We're back to leash.
38:36There's two Jack Russells.
38:39We're wondering if you could describe, we've got an animal here for you.
38:42This is Goujon who is a five year old golden retriever.
38:46I mean, what kind of person owns a Goujon?
38:49Well, the person who should own a golden retriever is someone that likes to walk and someone who's active.
38:54Because a lot of dogs are rehomed because people get a cockapoo and they live in a fucking flat in Dublin or something.
38:59So I would think a quite active person that likes walking.
39:02Yeah, we've got another dog for you here.
39:04Yeah.
39:05This is Ted Hastings who's a four year old golden doodle.
39:08Yeah.
39:09You know, what kind of a person owns him?
39:11Well, that would probably be an old lady or an elderly gay man.
39:14Great.
39:15We can tell you there are two dogs.
39:19Nailed it.
39:20Well, the question is which Johnny owns which dog?
39:25Oh.
39:26Who's been doing more walking?
39:29It's impossible to tell, isn't it?
39:32Golden retriever.
39:33Yeah.
39:34Golden retriever.
39:35Yeah.
39:36That's my Goujon.
39:37Golden doodle.
39:38He's going to one.
39:39He's going to one.
39:40He's going to one.
39:41I am, of course, an heavenly gamer.
39:43Hello.
39:44Yeah.
39:45So we have a series of pictures which show you at your absolute peak.
39:49So we thought we'd play a game.
39:50Are you up for this?
39:51Yeah.
39:52OK.
39:53It's called Game Face where you have to tell us which event you are participating in, just going from your facial expressions.
39:59Let's have a look at your first picture.
40:02Oh, yes.
40:03It has to be long jump because I always pull the worst faces to a long jump, surely.
40:07You reckon it's long jump?
40:08If I do that in any other event that's really embarrassing.
40:10OK.
40:11Let's find out if it is long jump.
40:14Hey!
40:15It's long jump.
40:17Always worst photos.
40:19Always.
40:20Let's have a look at another photo, Cain.
40:21Now.
40:22I know it instantly as well.
40:23Could have been a really big curry.
40:24What do you reckon, Cain?
40:25Has to be the shot putt.
40:26The shot putt.
40:27Has to be.
40:28This is me trying to do maths.
40:29Right, let's find out if it is the shot putt.
40:30It is.
40:31Yay!
40:32Let's have one more.
40:33Let's have a look.
40:34OK.
40:35Erm.
40:36I know it again.
40:37It's a long jump.
40:38It has to be, like.
40:39OK.
40:40Let's have a look.
40:41Is it the long jump?
40:42Has to be.
40:43It is you long jumping over the litter.
40:44They're ready.
40:45So, we're going to show you some pictures.
40:50This is the view you would have had when you were riding these horses winning races.
40:55Did I, are these horses that I rode?
41:08Yeah!
41:09So let's have a look at horse number one.
41:13No way!
41:14No way!
41:15I didn't ride that horse.
41:17It has a double bridle on.
41:19No way!
41:20You did!
41:21That's one of yours.
41:22That's one of yours.
41:24That's one of yours, yeah.
41:25There's no denying it now.
41:27I know they don't all look the same when you see the photos.
41:31That's one of yours.
41:34They don't all look the same from behind, Davy.
41:37Right, Davy, look, you rode this horse.
41:40Who is it?
41:41Sam Crow.
41:42Smacks?
41:43Well, Davy, let's find out if you're right.
41:45It is Sam Crow!
41:47That's amazing!
41:50OK, we've got another one.
41:53OK, Davy, here's a look at horse number two.
41:57No, that is, I would say, a harder one.
42:01Very hairy.
42:03No, I...
42:06No, you did!
42:08They're all horses you rode.
42:11Right, I don't know that horse, no.
42:15Take a guess.
42:16If it's...
42:18Field or...
42:20It's not Irish Point.
42:22Oh, good horse.
42:23Yeah.
42:24It was my last winner.
42:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:27It was my last winner.
42:28Yeah, good horse him.
42:29OK.
42:30He can't hear you.
42:31Let's have a look at one more.
42:32One more horse.
42:33Ah, the man himself, is it?
42:36What are you saying?
42:37What are you saying?
42:38Is that the tiger?
42:39It is tiger oil!
42:40Yeah!
42:41What is he?
42:42Good horse.
42:43Good horse.
42:44Good horse.
42:45Good horse.
42:46Good horse.
42:47Good horse.
42:48Good horse.
42:49Your man still gives out about your fashion choices from time to time.
42:52I mean, is it fair to say she's trolling you a bit?
42:54When I'm...
42:55She is my ultimate troll.
42:56I had to ban her from texting me when I'm live on television.
43:00Because it was...
43:01Oh, state of your hair.
43:02Jesus.
43:03Bit heavy with the make-up.
43:04Bit heavy with the make-up this morning.
43:06Do you think that...
43:07Do you think that shirt is right?
43:08Oh my God, are you pregnant?
43:09Did you forget to tell me?
43:10And this is just...
43:11Wait, in the middle of the show?
43:12In the middle of the show?
43:13In the middle of...
43:14Like, it will start at 7 and it will not stop until 10.
43:16So I had to ban her.
43:17We have some of the messages that your ma'am has sent you.
43:19Oh no!
43:20Can't...
43:21She's gotta...
43:22This is for you.
43:23The hair is...
43:24The hair is a big page.
43:25Can't see your face with your hair.
43:26With your hair.
43:27Yeah.
43:28So this is in the middle of the show.
43:29You might shake your forehead to brain.
43:307.40 in the morning.
43:3120 to 8.
43:32I've been on air for 40 minutes.
43:33We have another one here.
43:34Hair lovely, but you're very pale.
43:36Very pale.
43:37It's not the time, Mary.
43:40We're living in different times, girl.
43:42Mary is on fire.
43:438.19.
43:44We've got another one here.
43:45Hate that blouse mirror.
43:46Bin bin.
43:47Bin bin.
43:50And I think this is my personal favourite.
43:52Love your jumper.
43:53TB3 keep showing your spanks.
43:57We've wondered, like, what it's like to get hit by a professional boxer.
44:00Yeah.
44:01And thankfully Johnny V has said he's willing...
44:06To get hit by a professional boxer.
44:08So...
44:11So...
44:12I mean...
44:13Would you...
44:15This one's not that parted.
44:17Good.
44:18Good.
44:19It is a bit...
44:20Give it to him, Mick.
44:21Fucking give it to him.
44:23You sound like that, yeah?
44:25Sorry.
44:26I'll get it wrong for you.
44:27Oh!
44:28Is that right?
44:29Is that right?
44:30Is that right?
44:31Is that right?
44:32Why are you good again?
44:36Can we do one more?
44:37You hit me with your bad hand.
44:38Right.
44:39Appreciate that.
44:40Oh!
44:41Oh!
44:42Oh!
44:43Oh!
44:44Oh!
44:45Oh!
44:46Oh!
44:54Well, I can throw it in your tongues for tonight, lads.
45:01Back in the house for the two Johnnies late, my luck, it's season finale!
45:08Yeah, yeah, fuck you, yeah!
45:13She'll attack, she'll attack, she's a maniac!
45:18All right.
45:21Let's do this.
45:22Woo-hoo!
45:25Woo-hoo!
45:26Woo-hoo!
45:27Woo-hoo!
45:28She walked across the net, so that much was dressed and cute.
45:31She was a sexy lady, she had to get her thrill.
45:35I bet she can't get her, I bet she know all the music to beat the telephone.
45:38She was wrong for that life, she was hit for the pride!
45:41She said, greetings, all the time with a new chair.
45:44All the time with a mic in the left hand.
45:46It's been a little fun to preach it.
45:47Are you ready now, little children? It's not right.
45:49It has no meaning.
45:51Are you ready now, move to the madness.
45:53I'm calling back to you.
45:54We bring this group to you.
45:58Are you ready now, move to the groove.
46:01Put your hands up in the air.
46:03One super question to ask you.
46:06Are you ready?
46:09Woo-hoo!
46:16All right.
46:17Let's sing it.
46:18Let's sing it.
46:19Let's sing it.
46:20Let's sing it.
46:21Let's sing it.
46:22She's a maniac.
46:23She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:27And she's dancing.
46:28And she's dancing like she never did before.
46:33Audience, we need to pace your time.
46:49She said, put your hands in the air.
46:53Side to side like you just don't care.
46:56I don't care! Everybody in the house on a party night, scream back to me!
47:00Addy, addy, addy!
47:02Ride, ride, ride!
47:04She's a maniac, the maniac on the floor
47:08And she's dancing, and she's dancing like she never did before
47:15The Grand Fanatic!
47:22A huge thank you to everyone here in Swan's Bar tonight.
47:25And thank you to all of our guests throughout the series, and thank you at home for watching.
47:29Now, for a very special performance from Dan McCabe playing Grace.
47:33We'll see you soon. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
47:39We'll see you soon.
47:41We'll see you soon.
47:43We'll see you soon.
47:45We'll see you soon.
47:47We'll see you soon.
47:49We'll see you soon.
47:51We'll see you soon.
47:53We'll see you soon.
47:55We'll see you soon.
47:57We'll see you soon.
47:59We'll see you soon.
48:01We'll see you soon.
48:03Liberty
48:04Well all I want
48:07In this sterile place
48:10Is the heart you hate with me
48:13Oh gracious
48:18Hold me in your arms
48:21And let this moment linger
48:24You'll take me out
48:27The dark
48:29And I will die
48:31With all my love
48:36I place this wedding ring
48:39Upon your finger
48:41It won't be time
48:44To share and hold
48:47For me the same
48:49Oh gracious
48:55Hold me in your arms
48:58And let this moment
49:00To linger
49:01They'll take me out
49:04The dark
49:06And I will die
49:08With all my love
49:13I place this wedding ring
49:16Upon your finger
49:18There won't be time
49:21To share and hold
49:24With all my love
49:25For we will say goodbye
49:27There won't be time
49:32To share and hold
49:35For we will say goodbye
49:42With all my love
49:46To Eller
49:47So
49:49Inside
49:51So
49:53To
49:55Vertium
49:56Who
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