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Short filmTranscript
00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:30You can see the bay.
00:42As you know, the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the ice ages.
00:48The cold stimulates ancient nerves.
00:51Makes you feel a primal connection to the world.
00:55We use over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel.
00:58And guests are surprised to know how much snow.
01:02Over 10,000 tons.
01:04Wow, that's a lot.
01:06Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice.
01:11These blocks were created by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes.
01:18Then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave.
01:23Everything you see melts in summer.
01:25And we have different artists and artisans help us build again each year.
01:30So every stay is truly once in a lifetime.
01:34And here we have your room.
01:40The Koi Suite.
01:41Wow.
01:48Oh, it's frisk.
01:50Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel.
01:54About three degrees below zero.
01:56Not too, too cold.
01:59It's quite invigorating when you're used to it.
02:01As we say, you will feel some plummen i egge.
02:07Like a yoke in an egg.
02:09Okay, that's adorable.
02:10Some plummen i eggen?
02:13That's very good.
02:15These fish were hand-carved by famous Norwegian ice sculptor Anna Skjegstad-Rud.
02:21He won the Boreal Forest Prize at the Harbin ice sculpting competition last year.
02:25Beautiful.
02:25Isn't that beautiful?
02:26The bed is made of ice?
02:28Yes, isn't that charming?
02:29And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy.
02:33The bed is made of ice.
02:34It is distilled locally from ice wine.
02:36And I assure you, it is quite special.
02:39Ice.
02:40Helen.
02:41We are sleeping on an ice bed.
02:43I could have saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here.
02:46Jokes and all.
02:47Now, one more thing.
02:48Your bathrooms are around the corner in the hall to your left.
02:52And if you keep going in that direction, you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open.
02:57As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year.
03:01Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know.
03:05Thank you, Bjorn.
03:07Oh, thank you very much.
03:09I hope you both have an enjoyable stay.
03:11Good night?
03:13Excellent.
03:14Good night today also.
03:15Okay.
03:15This is amazing.
03:27How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice?
03:31We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney.
03:34Walt Disney wasn't frozen.
03:35That's a myth.
03:36And look at this place.
03:37It was worth the trip.
03:41I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends?
03:45I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience but just a really nice hotel?
03:52Can't it be both?
03:54Doesn't it feel kind of nice?
03:56My skin feels so awake.
03:59Oh my God, seriously?
04:01Who knew?
04:04Hela's in Norway.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06This is completely your bag.
04:07You love feeling bad.
04:11What are you doing over there?
04:15Looking for your cell phone.
04:17The Val should have numbers by now.
04:18Oh, I already talked about the airport.
04:20Come over here.
04:21Get under these blankets.
04:22You talked about?
04:24What'd she say?
04:25It's on the list.
04:31Congratulations.
04:33Good.
04:34Great.
04:35Yeah.
04:35Now come over here.
04:36Have some brandy.
04:37It's so good.
04:39Where on the list?
04:40Oh, stop it.
04:42It's a bestseller.
04:43I know.
04:43I'm just curious where.
04:45Top 20.
04:47Top 20?
04:48Yeah.
04:49But like closer to 11 or closer to 20?
04:52You're impossible.
04:53You're the most impossible bestselling author I know.
04:58Come over here.
04:59Why?
05:00Just come here.
05:02Look at this.
05:05That is amazing.
05:10Oh God, I always wanted to see it.
05:13One time in Canada I came close, but this is so much better than I ever imagined.
05:20Kind of looks like a screensaver.
05:21Oh yeah.
05:21Stop, stop, stop.
05:23Sit.
05:26There you go.
05:28There.
05:29Isn't that warmer?
05:31Warmer than what?
05:34You can almost hear it, can't you?
05:40Oh, it's turning purple.
05:41Oh, look at that.
05:49Guess what?
05:51Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee.
05:54Okay, so pee.
05:56Yeah, but is the toilet going to be made out of ice?
05:59What if I stick to it?
05:59Here, don't pee, but shh.
06:01Gosh.
06:11Oh.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Yeah, yeah.
06:19Oh.
06:23Okay.
06:24Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
06:54Uh, this is your captain speaking.
07:04Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air.
07:07Should be smooth sailing for a while.
07:09So we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seatbelt sign.
07:14Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol.
07:24May we get you anything?
07:45Nope.
07:47Uh, who's flying today?
07:49Carol.
07:49On the flight deck is Captain John McConnell.
07:52And also...
07:53First Officer Tom Deacon.
07:54These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time.
07:59And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft.
08:05You're in good hands.
08:09That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays.
08:11You doing this because she freaked me out?
08:13Uh, that's an affirmative, Carol.
08:15Please stop that.
08:17It's much more spacious up in first class.
08:20Sure you want to be more comfortable there?
08:21It has lie-flat seats.
08:23You could get some rest.
08:25I'm fine where I'm at.
08:28Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right?
08:52Anyone with conversational ability, yes.
08:54Tell me about the non-English speakers.
08:56Certainly.
08:57What would you like to know?
08:58Anything.
08:59Everything.
09:00Well, let's see.
09:02There's Bora Kolak, a 60-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul.
09:05He speaks Turkish and loves cats.
09:08In Bali, there's Aida Udui, 23, speaks Indonesian Balinese.
09:12She's a contortionist and a dancer, performs the barong, the lagong, jibog.
09:18It's all quite exquisite.
09:19I'm sure.
09:19Keep going.
09:20Sidora Melis in Sardinia is a fisherman.
09:23Or he was, but he's 89 and retired.
09:27There's Mary Cook Siacintola, lives in Masaru Lesotho.
09:30What does she do?
09:32Her family raises Basato Ponius, but she's only eight years old.
09:35She hasn't decided on the profession.
09:37Next.
09:37Abdul Karim Al-Shari lives in Aiden, Yemen.
09:41He's a 37-year-old muezzin.
09:44Muezzin, that's a...
09:45What is that?
09:47He sings a call to prayer.
09:49He has a powerful tenor voice.
09:51He also loves cats.
09:54Okay.
09:56But are there any medical doctors, any scientists or an expert of some kind?
10:02Oh, yes.
10:03According to Time Out magazine,
10:04Takeoki Tanaka in Osaka makes the best uro noodles in the entire Keihan Shin.
10:09That's not what I meant.
10:10Nope.
10:12All right.
10:12That makes what, um, six.
10:16So you didn't say anything about the guy from, uh, where was it?
10:21Uh, Paraguay.
10:22What about him?
10:23Uh, his name is Manuso Zoviedo.
10:25We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours.
10:28He manages a self-storage facility in Asuncion.
10:30So far, he hasn't really communicated with us.
10:36Ha.
10:38I want to talk to him.
10:39He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani.
10:42Do you want us to translate for you?
10:44No.
10:45I'll manage.
10:48First thing, once I get home.
10:50We could try him right now, if you like.
10:52He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact.
11:10Try it again.
11:29Uh, hola, senor?
11:51I think we got, uh, cut off or something.
11:59Try it again.
12:00Hola, yo soy Carol Sterka.
12:20Uh, estoy de los, um, United States.
12:22Get him back.
12:34Get him back.
12:35We're sorry, Carol.
12:57We don't think it was personal.
12:59No.
13:05Bye, Carol.
13:33Really, please let us know if there's...
13:36Carol, one second.
13:41We have something for you.
13:49We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you.
13:55We think you're really going to like what's in the box.
13:58Anything else we can do for you, just, just let us know.
15:38Hi, Carol. What can we do for you?
15:51What exactly do you know about what's in this box in my mail?
15:55Helen ordered it for you. You'd been so stressed out on the tour.
15:59You tried one in the Atlanta airport, but you said it was too expensive,
16:03so Helen bought one online. Did she? She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of
16:10the tour. A homecoming present. Carol?
16:17Okay, here's what's going to happen. You're going to forget everything you know about Helen.
16:26Every memory, every thought she ever had. Get her out of your head.
16:31Heads.
16:31Carol, we apologize.
16:33Never mention her again. Never think about her again. Only I get to remember her. You got that?
16:38Only me.
16:39Then how come you know he was a big dummy?
16:57Well, there were already three other people in town.
17:03But that's beside the point. One day, I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady Hickenlooper
17:09and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles.
17:15I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever I'd go by,
17:26she'd stand on her head and wave.
17:28Yay!
17:28Yay!
17:29Yay!
17:30Yay!
17:31Yay!
17:32Yay!
17:33Yay!
17:34Yay!
17:35Yay!
17:36Yay!
17:37Yay!
17:38Yay!
17:39Yay!
17:41Yay!
17:42Yay!
17:43Yay!
17:44Yay!
17:45Yay!
17:45Yay!
18:13Yay!
18:15Good morning, Carol.
18:36What's with the food?
18:37It's the exact meal you had at that B&B you stayed at in Provincetown.
18:422012.
18:43Well, remember you were there to see the Undigo girls?
18:46You were very complimentary of the chef that morning.
18:49It really stuck with her.
18:51The sorghum flower in the pancake...
18:52So you took it upon yourself to make me breakfast?
18:56Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare.
18:58You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk, a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives...
19:05I told you Helen was off limits.
19:07Yes, of course, Carol.
19:08So, how the...
19:09How do you know what is in my fridge?
19:13Teresa from Merry Maids.
19:15You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour.
19:19Is the food not to your liking?
19:21Would you like us to make you something else instead?
19:23Nope.
19:23I want you to leave me alone.
19:29I want you to leave me alone.
19:48Shows what you know, fuckers.
19:49It's three quarters of a carton.
19:51Oh, my God.
20:21What the fuck?
20:51What happened to my sprouts?
21:01Are you the grinch who steals supermarkets?
21:03So sorry.
21:05We're consolidating resources to centralize useful items for distribution.
21:10Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses or what used to be private homes.
21:16It's just more efficient.
21:18Fine. Fine.
21:20I get it.
21:21Is there something specific you need?
21:23We can deliver it to you anytime, anywhere.
21:25I am not going to call you every time I need something.
21:28I don't want you waiting on me.
21:31I am a very independent person, okay?
21:34I always have been.
21:36I fend for myself.
21:38I just want my sprouts back.
21:41Absolutely.
21:42Will do.
21:43Okay.
21:45Great.
21:46So, what, um, can we say Friday, maybe?
21:54I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back.
21:58We'll be there in a moment.
22:00Okay.
22:00I'll be there in a moment.
22:02We'll be there in a moment.
22:04I'll be there in a moment.
22:05Okay.
22:05I see.
22:23Oh, my God.
22:24Hey.
22:24Hey.
22:25Hey.
22:25Let's go.
22:55Let's go.
23:25Let's go.
23:56Carol, may we sneak past you here?
23:59Let's go.
24:29Let's go.
24:59All set, Carol.
25:11Call us if there's...
25:12If you want something you want that's not here, we'll get it to you too, sweet.
25:14Let's go.
25:15Let's go.
25:19Let's go.
25:24Let's go.
25:29Let's go.
25:30Let's go.
25:34Let's go.
25:39Let's go.
25:46Let's go.
25:51Let's go.
25:52Let's go.
25:58Let's go.
25:59Let's go.
26:03Let's go.
26:04Let's go.
26:05Let's go.
26:06Let's go.
26:08Let's go.
26:09Let's go.
26:18Let's go.
26:19Why I raised my hand.
26:27Damn it.
26:49You have got to be fucking kidding me.
27:02Hello, Carol. So sorry to startle you. We didn't mean to do that.
27:22Why are you turning off the lights?
27:24Yes, we know. It was a mistake.
27:26We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit, but they're back on now, right?
27:30The lights at your house? Yes.
27:32Okay, good. Why are you turning them off everywhere else?
27:34For conservation. Just the ones that aren't necessary, which are, well, most of them.
27:40What, lights aren't necessary for you guys? You just see in the dark?
27:42Oh, no. Not at all. It's just that there's no crime to prevent.
27:46And we're not working at night, except for essential operations.
27:50Water treatment, hospitals, things like that.
27:52Right, so it's more of your efficiency.
27:54Yes. You donated twice to the Sierra Club, so we felt you'd understand.
27:59If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights.
28:02No. Screw it. Leave them off. Who gives a shit?
28:04Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
28:08Cheer me up? Why? I'm fine. I'm so happy.
28:13There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix.
28:16You got one of those?
28:17Because I think that would be the perfect topper for the greatest week in human history.
28:21Finally, I'm so happy.
28:22Oh.
28:23I can't see.
28:24Yeah, I'm so happy.
28:25I'm so happy.
28:26I like my bad.
28:28I said something wrong with me.
28:31I think that's a lot of alcohol.
28:32You just got one of those?
28:33Alright, so let me tell you.
28:34I should, I don't have akich snack.
28:35Okay, so let me tell you.
28:36I'm so happy.
28:37You just got two of those.
28:38I can't do that.
28:39I know you have a lot of alcohol.
28:40I can't do that.
28:41I don't have a lot of alcohol.
28:42And, I can definitely help you.
28:43When I'm so happy, I don't know you.
28:44I don't have enough alcohol.
28:45But I don't have another option.
28:46Don't take a lot of alcohol.
28:47Let's go.
29:17It must have just been the excitement of the moment, but they said the only way to prevent
29:26the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs up the volcano while they gave me my
29:30birthday wax.
29:34Well, and you're not going to believe this.
29:47Yeah?
30:08Yeah?
30:12Hi.
30:13Sorry it took so long.
30:16A hand grenade?
30:18Yes.
30:19We thought you were probably being sarcastic, but we didn't want to take the chance.
30:26Were you being sarcastic?
30:30Right.
30:31Of course you were.
30:32Do you want us to take...
30:33You know what?
30:34We're just gonna...
30:35We'll get rid of it.
30:36Feel better, Carol.
30:37Hey.
30:38Do you maniacs drink?
30:39It's okay.
30:40You can bring the hand grenade.
30:54It's okay.
30:55You can bring the hand grenade.
31:01It's okay, no.
31:02So, we're gonna need to drink...
31:07I swear to you.
31:08I swear to God.
31:09Okay?
31:10Yeah?
31:11I swear to God.
31:12I swear to God.
31:13Oh, I'm not.
31:14Yeah.
31:15I swear to God.
31:16I swear to God.
31:17I swear to God, I swear to God.
31:18Okay.
31:19in Sri Lanka slur as words when you knock one back?
31:22No, it doesn't work like that.
31:26How do you say cheers in Sanskrit?
31:28Shuba mustu.
31:29Roughly, it means may everyone be blessed.
31:34Well done, shu, shu, shupi shup shup.
31:46You know the word vodka is a diminutive of voda,
31:49meaning water.
31:50Very similar to the Latin aqua wittai,
31:54literally water of life.
31:56That becomes a Scandinavian aquavit,
31:58although the drinks are very different.
32:01Fun fact, whiskey has the same root meaning
32:04in Scots Gaelic from Wischka Baha.
32:07You don't say.
32:11What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness,
32:15it's distilled from both potato and corn.
32:19It is slightly alkaline.
32:20Do you taste that?
32:22Lower shelf alcohol tends to be acidic.
32:25The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather.
32:27And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain.
32:36How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee?
32:39It's a hard thing to predict.
32:45Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow.
32:47That's not an answer.
32:48How long?
32:51We're working around the clock.
32:53It could be as soon as a couple weeks,
32:55or it could take months or longer.
32:58That's quite the range for someone who knows
33:02everything that there is to know.
33:07Regardless.
33:09Sooner or later, I'm fucked.
33:12Sorry, Carol.
33:13We have a biological imperative.
33:16You people make no goddamn sense.
33:19Do you know that?
33:20We want to make you happy, you say.
33:23Your life is your own, you say.
33:25An agency, I've got all this agency.
33:29But, I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't?
33:36Carol.
33:38If you were walking by a lake
33:40and you saw somebody drowning,
33:42would you throw him a life preserver?
33:44Of course you would.
33:46You wouldn't think.
33:47You wouldn't wait.
33:48You wouldn't try to get consensus on it.
33:50You'd just throw it.
33:52So now I'm drowning?
33:58You just don't know it.
34:02Well, uh...
34:04You people are brainwashed,
34:06is what you are.
34:08I mean, what could possibly be
34:10so great about this mind meld of yours?
34:14Actually, let me guess.
34:17It's, uh...
34:18It's all beautiful scenery,
34:19and you feel nothing but contentment.
34:22Just wave after wave of bliss and peace
34:25and everything is perfect.
34:28It's like living inside a postcard
34:31every second of every day.
34:34Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever.
34:37Right?
34:37That kind of bullshit.
34:38Like you're taking a hike in the woods
34:41and there's a warm rain
34:42and the trees are so tall
34:45you can't even see the tops.
34:47Or you're having coffee
34:49on the canals in Amsterdam
34:51and it's like you're in a coffee commercial.
34:54Or you're taking a walk at sunset
34:56on the most flawless beach in Croatia.
35:00Or you're in Norway
35:02above the Arctic Circle.
35:03And the hotel made of ice
35:08under a pile of furs.
35:23I told you that Helen was off limits.
35:27You are a bunch of mindfuckers.
35:53Wow, you've got this thing
35:54really jammed in there, don't you?
35:57Please, be careful with that.
36:00Right, Link, you would give me
36:01a real hand grenade.
36:05Carol, if we may.
36:27You gave me...
36:32You gave me...
36:47Oh, shit.
36:54Oh, shit.
36:56Fuck.
36:57Oh, fuck.
37:07Shit.
37:09Okay, I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:12It's okay, Carol.
37:15Elvis, come on.
37:16I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:20I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:21I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:22I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:23I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:24I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:25I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:26I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:27I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:28I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:29I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:30I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:31I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:32I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:33I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:34I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:35I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:36I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:37I love you.
38:07May we join you?
38:15We're happy to say, Zosia's doing much better.
38:18There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage.
38:21She did get a pretty severe concussion
38:23that we're gonna want to keep an eye on.
38:25She's resting now.
38:28Can we get you a fresh change of clothes?
38:31Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day.
38:42Why would you give me a hand grenade?
38:45You asked for one.
38:47Why not give me a fake one?
38:52Sorry if we got that wrong, Carol.
38:55If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade?
39:02Yes.
39:04Even after last night, you would give me another?
39:07Oh, sure.
39:11Okay, what about a bazooka?
39:14And the thing a bazooka shoots a rocket or whatever?
39:18Yes.
39:20All right.
39:23All right.
39:25What about, I don't know, a tank?
39:31Mm-hmm.
39:35What about an atom bomb?
39:42Why would you want one?
39:44To blow shit up?
39:45For kicks?
39:46I mean, does it matter?
39:47You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake.
39:56It'd be okay to say no at this point.
40:00That would be sane.
40:02Not utterly batshit crazy.
40:07If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, we would weigh the pros and cons with you.
40:16We would explain that it would be very destructive.
40:19Yes or no?
40:24Ultimately, yes.
40:29Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it.
40:32But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol.
40:36Carol.
40:40Would you like an atom bomb?
40:46I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:51Okay.
40:53Okay.
40:54Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
40:57Uh...
40:58One sugar with oat milk, right?
41:00And maybe a pinch...
41:01You can go.
41:02It's all right.
41:12I mean, we have all that chips in the morning.
41:15Okay.
41:17I was almost rubbish.
41:19Good.
41:21Hey.
41:23Look it off the surface of chess!
41:26Hey.
41:27Hey.
41:28Hey.
41:29ooh
41:39the glass will show
41:43see how the beauty's fair
41:47thai die'll how
41:50Thou precious minutes waste
41:54Thys vacant leaves
41:58Thy mind's imprint will bear
42:02And oh this boo-hoo
42:06This cloudy mace thou taste
42:20Thys vacant leaves
42:24Thys oak sister
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