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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In - Season 3 Episode 100 -
(special) The 2 Johnnies Best Bits
(special) The 2 Johnnies Best Bits
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00:00MUSIC CONTINUES
00:24Hello and welcome to the best of the two Johnny's Late Night Blockin!
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Now, there were so many great moments from the last series,
00:37who can forget Margot Robbie giving Johnny B a piggyback?
00:40Ah, the time we bet Ronaldo on headers and volleys!
00:42Yeah, Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter,
00:44remember they did that acoustic version of the guy to scam the rat?
00:47That's right!
00:48But it tells you just how good tonight's show is,
00:50cos none of them made the highlight reel!
00:55Alright, let's take a look at what did make the cut.
00:57Roll that 10!
00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:02Now, it's time to find out, who's in the bar?
01:05We're in the bar!
01:07Who's in the bar?
01:08We're in the bar!
01:09Don't know how I learned how to do this,
01:11but I can balance things on my nose and my face,
01:13I can balance pretty much, pretty much anything I think.
01:17On your face?
01:18Yeah!
01:19That's Chauvin's!
01:20Now, now!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22You ready?
01:23Go to three!
01:24One!
01:25Two!
01:26Three!
01:27One!
01:28Two!
01:29Three!
01:30où!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:42I put one ear in first.
01:44Oh my god!
01:45And then, another one.
01:47But this is where the real trick happens.
01:49What a trick happens.
01:56That's amazing!
01:58Peek-pooty-clap
02:00I gotta keep on dancing
02:02At the peak-pooty-clap
02:04I gotta keep on dancing
02:06Down in West Hollywood
02:09I gotta keep on dancing
02:11At the peak-pooty-clap
02:13Peak-pooty-clap
02:15Yeah!
02:19Jesus, lads!
02:22What do you say that?
02:24Can you do that?
02:25I don't want to put you on the spot
02:26I don't know!
02:27What's your record, lads?
02:30Alright, here we go
02:31What am I bloody doing here?
02:38Yeah!
02:49I just can't beat both
02:52I can't beat both
02:53Oh, you, Stacey!
03:00Jesus!
03:03No, in the moment!
03:06I just can't beat the ball! I can't beat the ball!
03:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:14You, yourself, almost had a career as a pop star.
03:29I did audition for a boy band for Louis Walsh.
03:32Yeah, well, how did it go?
03:35Yeah, not great.
03:37It was in the pod in Dublin. Do you remember the pod?
03:39Yeah, yeah.
03:40They call my name up and I'm starting to sing,
03:42I can show you the world from Aladdin.
03:45Good song choice!
03:47What song choice?
03:50What?
03:51I don't know.
03:52And do you know what? I started to, boy.
03:54I started and went, I'm in trouble.
03:58So, afterwards, anyway, Louis kept going to me.
04:01I'm going to put you in a band, I'm going to put you in a band.
04:03I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool.
04:05I'm getting all brilliant.
04:06After that audition, he took me outside and he says,
04:09maybe not this band, but I'm definitely going to work with you in something.
04:11I was like, all right, brilliant.
04:12Thank God, I thought I really messed that up.
04:14He's like, yeah, yeah, no, we'll get you in something.
04:15I really want to do something with you.
04:16I was like, brilliant.
04:17He said, no, we have to get something done with them ears.
04:19What?
04:22We have to get something done with them ears?
04:24Your ears?
04:25Yeah, and I was like, I was looking and going, I'm only 16.
04:28Yeah.
04:29Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
04:30Yeah, sure.
04:31So, I went home and I was saying to me ma, I was saying,
04:33he said I have to get something done with my ears.
04:34I was thinking me ma would say like, cheeky bastard.
04:36Yeah, yeah.
04:37And then me ma turned around and says, do you want to get something done with them?
04:41I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me ears?
04:44Last week in York, there was a man playing with himself up in the stalls of the show.
04:49I know, I was thrilled.
04:51Yeah.
04:54I was absolutely delighted.
04:56I was like, shut up.
04:59Was he hot?
05:00Was he wearing a ring?
05:01What was the crack?
05:02Because that just never happened.
05:03But he was like having a little, now, I was fed, I didn't know how,
05:07he was having a little go of himself, I'd say.
05:09What?
05:10He wasn't having a full, you know what I mean?
05:12It wasn't full pepper shit.
05:13No.
05:14It was like...
05:15Yeah.
05:16It was a little sprinkling.
05:17Would you say a little sprinkling of sort?
05:18A fondle?
05:19A fondle.
05:20It's like he was playing three blind mice on himself.
05:21Because then, I didn't know.
05:22Anyway, I saw the footage of it and it was quite innocent in the end.
05:27Okay.
05:28It wasn't the compliment I thought it was.
05:29When he was removed, you just went.
05:30And I was like, that's not that hot.
05:31You should have fought for me.
05:32Do you know what I mean?
05:33I want to stay.
05:34You know what I mean?
05:35You know what I mean?
05:36You know what I mean?
05:37It wasn't full pepper shit.
05:38No.
05:39It was like...
05:40Yeah.
05:41I want to stay and finish.
05:42She's still hot.
05:43I just left.
05:44So that's the closest thing I've had.
05:46What kind of commitment is that?
05:47I think I'm seeing him now.
05:48I think we're going to date.
05:51True or false, were you the only boy in an all-girls school?
05:55True, yeah.
05:56True, yeah.
05:57True.
05:58Why?
05:59I don't know.
06:00I didn't make up the rules.
06:02I didn't make up the rules.
06:03I think they just left it so long to put me into a school that there was no...
06:08In our local area there was no places left, right?
06:10Yeah.
06:11So they had to just...
06:12You have to go to school.
06:13It's law.
06:14Yeah.
06:15And eventually the only school that would take me was the girls' school.
06:18So I spent the first seven years in my school with all girls.
06:22In my class and everything.
06:23We have a picture of you here.
06:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:25Very...
06:26Very over dressed for a Monday.
06:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:28That was just when I wore to school, you know what?
06:29I looked like a little cult leader in that, don't I?
06:30It's like all these little miniature wives that I have, that this little cult leader has.
06:47Looking back on it, I was like, no one's going to want to touch me.
06:50Well, I was wrong.
06:51I didn't know it blew up.
06:53And then I tweet Putin and it was the worst thing ever.
06:56You tweeted who?
06:58I tweeted Putin.
06:59Vladimir Putin.
07:00I tweeted...
07:01What did you say to him?
07:02I just said, hey bro, how much did you pay them?
07:05He's here tonight making that.
07:10And that lad.
07:14Scourious.
07:15The time was for about a year or two after that.
07:23Anything about some versions, I shit myself.
07:25I was like, someone's just going to stick a pen on me or something like that.
07:27And I'll have say now, poison.
07:29What is your record in the long jump?
07:316.32.
07:326 metres.
07:336.32.
07:34Right, well the reason we're asking that is because earlier myself and Max gave it a go.
07:40We didn't know what was a good length, what was a bad length.
07:45We've got a video here of Johnny trying to...
07:47Do you want to see it?
07:48Yeah.
07:49Here we go.
07:50No, I just want to say I am carrying a quad injury, grinds a bit tight.
08:00I didn't have the right runners, several things.
08:04Right, okay.
08:05Would you do the honours?
08:06Can we stand up?
08:07Yeah, here you go.
08:08You can reveal that...
08:09Where you are there?
08:10Max got 1.7.
08:14I'll take that.
08:15Pretty good.
08:16It doesn't...
08:17It looks better measured out than it does on the video.
08:22Let's have a look and see how Johnny B got on.
08:26Oh!
08:27He was cheating, he had really good runners on.
08:31What did you get, John?
08:32I did slightly better, I got 2.2.
08:35What did you see you got again?
08:376.32.
08:386.32, okay.
08:39We're just going to explain that to people, if we can.
08:42You jumped.
08:44There's 4.
08:45There's 5 metres.
08:466.32 here.
08:47Well, I have 2 dogs.
08:48I had 2 dogs.
08:49I've had a 3-legged lurcher called Lola for years, and then we fostered Mick, who has 4 legs.
09:07And...
09:08And there they are there, yeah?
09:09Yeah.
09:10I don't know...
09:11Awww!
09:12I don't know what they're doing!
09:14It looks...
09:16Lola looks happy!
09:21Lola looks happy!
09:23It looks like Lola's going, you've got to earn your place in this house, mate!
09:28We know at the same time, that say all ye jockeys, you're all in the same way room.
09:32You're all, like, kind of togging out together for want of a better room.
09:34We're literally beside each other.
09:35We're all...
09:36Can I get spicy in there, like?
09:37Can I be...
09:38Do you know what I mean?
09:39Like, I'll be honest, like, if some lad cut me off now in a corner, he'd be...
09:41You know?
09:42Yeah, there's kind of a code.
09:43Right.
09:44It can get spicy.
09:45There'd be a couple of...
09:46But really, like, we're small, little...
09:48lads.
09:49It's kind of...
09:50It's kind of a morma.
09:51Don't do that again.
09:54Why is Samba so hard?
09:56Because it's all about, like, bouncing and moving your hips and your body.
10:01So...
10:02I mean, is there any music in this place?
10:06Yeah.
10:07Can we get a bit of Samba music?
10:09Oh!
10:10There we go.
10:11Can you see it hard to go?
10:13Hang on.
10:14Hang on.
10:15Hang on.
10:16Hang on.
10:17Hang on.
10:18Hang on.
10:19Could you explain the basic steps?
10:20So, that's actually...
10:21Whoever I put that song on, that's very fast.
10:22Right, so we don't normally go that quick, but they're a batch of caddis that you would
10:35do to that.
10:36I knew it was a batch of caddis.
10:37Classic batch of caddis.
10:38So, you close your feet.
10:39Right, close your feet, lads.
10:40I hope you all do with us.
10:41Come on, we all doing it.
10:42And girls, come on.
10:43You take a step back.
10:44Here we go, lads.
10:45Right, okay, listen up.
10:46Here we go.
10:47So, we close our feet and we're going to go back on our right and then left.
10:49So, it's literally just back, back and stay up on your toes, wiggling your hips.
10:52Woo!
10:53So, we literally go...
10:54Bump!
10:55Bump!
10:56Bump!
10:57Right?
10:58Not bad.
10:59And then we'll just shake.
11:01You ready?
11:02Music.
11:03Hang on, hang on, hang on.
11:04But do you reckon...
11:05We want people to...
11:06Why are you not doing anything?
11:07We want people to learn to dance.
11:08Oh, you're doing it behind the bar.
11:09We want people to learn to dance.
11:10But there probably won't be too much samba music on in the pub in Tipperary.
11:13Yeah.
11:14Okay.
11:15So, can we do this to a song that you might hear in a pub in Ireland?
11:17Oh, we can make it work.
11:18Okay, right, lads.
11:19Kill it!
11:20Here we go.
11:21Woo!
11:22One-permone.
11:23Woo!
11:24Oh, God!
11:26The party has suddenly a rhythm among the shape.
11:28Woo!
11:29Woo!
11:30Woo!
11:31Woo!
11:33Woo!
11:34Woo!
11:35Woo!
11:36Woo!
11:37Woo!
11:38Woo!
11:39Woo!
11:40Woo!
11:41Woo!
11:42Woo!
11:43Woo!
11:44Woo!
11:45okay well seeing as you are the only real pro presenter here you do live television all the
11:49time oh would you read the autocue and throw it to the link for us i would love to where am i going
11:53down here you see this screen's on top here here we go okay we have got a camera on the streets of
11:57waterford where everyone saw you absolute we have got a camera on the streets of waterford where
12:21everyone smells of cabbage and i'd never go there because they're all sod busting blah eating bog
12:26monsters and limerick to know what it is it's way better also i love the two audience and they're
12:32fair class the two johnnies not the two audience thank you thank you wow and and we wrote that
12:42herself let's have another game of irish or ozzy let's head back to coogee beach in sydney oh
12:49it feels like home in a way doesn't it doesn't even just okay right so just by looking at somebody
12:56how many irish are the australian this lad looks so scared get in on him get in on him oh he's got
13:04budgie okay don't say anton man you're live on television nod your head if you're up for playing
13:08a game i think he's got a big irish head in him but he's australian from the neck down
13:13yeah yeah if that's at all possible joanne what's your reckon i agree with you the pants aren't they
13:20they're not no irish man to wear those pants but he does have an irish head i'm confused audience
13:26what do you reckon irish or ozzy okay what's your name mate and where are you from joan from ireland
13:33we've got a game that we're calling we aren't family yeah so we've got a camera out in the
13:41streets of galway where all the members of the of a family are dancing to the same tune but here's the
13:45catch one person isn't in the family your job is to spot the imposter okay okay all right let's go live
13:51to go away okay here we go lads we've got the de santas family i know already from one to six
14:01straight away roddy you're looking at them who do you think is not in the family
14:07the family yeah they're all they're all a family bar one i fell on number two he looks a bit
14:12wrong andrew what do you reckon um number three because he looks too happy no family's that happy
14:22yeah okay karen what do you reckon oh now you're going close it's hard yeah no so that's so they
14:27look the image yeah that fella on the end looks like he's just being plumped there it could be him
14:33right he looks a bit awkward they say the rhythm is in the genes so let's uh find out we'll get them
14:38dancing let's see is this live yeah this is live and going yeah okay right hit the music
14:49oh i'm taking number four
14:53who's you reckon oh it's amazing number four is dancing with his toe
15:01karen who found the family oh that's so hard i tell you i think i think number three is america
15:07number three looks a bit yeah he looks a bit foreign okay but so does number one that girl
15:12looks too jolly compared to the rest of them okay who's not in the family
15:18what do you call it what number four are you reckon ronnie rick is four i'll tell you what say
15:22not because we'll find out after the break
15:36yes everybody's saying we are family
15:45hey welcome back to the two johnny's late night lock-in
15:52now before the break we've seen the santos family on the streets of galway but one person wasn't
15:57actually part of the family john yes let's go back to galway and see lads right looking at the screens
16:02who do we think is not part of the family that's what you reckon what number
16:08what are we saying okay okay moment of truth moment of truth we think it's number four
16:12some people are saying number six would the real imposter please step forward
16:17okay number four what's your name and how do you know the family or have you ever met them before
16:30my name is kian and i have no idea who these people are put your hands together and a big thank you to
16:36everybody on the street we're raising children not to play outside because it's too dangerous
16:57don't let them play outside why what in case they discover exploration independence problem solving
17:02resilience and essential adult skills and ironically leaving them indoors with the ipad where the
17:08paedophiles actually live by the way on the internet so we find ourselves in an environment
17:17i learned just recently ireland has a navy
17:24we've seven boats lads oh the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now aren't they huh
17:31we have seven ships seven vessels and their job is to go around the island to go around the island now
17:38i don't know if they go up the north right i haven't googled it yet right so they go three quarters
17:45around the island right or up there i'm a cross community comedian pick your side lads right
17:52and their job and i didn't know this when i go to bed at night on my lovely warm pillow there's men and
17:57women out there on the water away from their own families four or five weeks at a time protecting our
18:05country they're away from their own families riding each other oh they're all at it just like the
18:12guards and the teachers
18:21oh they love oh they'll have it out in the atlantic ocean they love it like
18:25and they're away from they're away from their own families protecting our country and i'm at home
18:33and these people will never let us down if we ever get invaded but only in ireland would this happen
18:39that one day on the news the government announced to the rest of the world that five of the ships were
18:44broken what sort of a country announces to the rest of the world that their first line of defense
18:54is broken keep your mouth shut lads tell them you have a hundred boats and say nothing right
19:02i know the uk have a policy to stop the boats in ireland we can't even fecking start ours like you know
19:13this is the weirdest rte show i have ever done ladies and gentlemen and i just recently did high
19:20road low road for rt1 anybody see it yeah if anybody see okay you flick a coin two percentage
19:24flick a coin one person gets the high road the high end five star experience the other person gets
19:28a low road uh the shite experience high road low road colin murphy and i went to poland colin murphy
19:33got front row tickets to a cold play concert backstage passes and a chance to chat to chris martin
19:39one-on-one for 25 minutes and i got the high road
19:42i am single at the minute um oh yes meet me at the bar afterwards uh but i think i think i know why
19:59i'm single now i think i figured it out i think it's because i like to think i can change a man
20:05yes the girls over here as well we love a little bit of a project don't we
20:09you know the way some men like to fix cars well i like to fix men
20:15i'll look for something on the verge of breaking down and i'll be like come here to me
20:20and then i'll spend two years under that thing making sure it's road worthy
20:25don't worry guys as a comedian you're in safe hands with me i'm very woke unbelievable unbelievable
20:31like even when it comes to the old lgbqta i've got a best friend for every letter
20:35i do i've got a best friend for like lesbian that's my friend jyvonne
20:41like g that's my friend brian like t-trans that's my friend jyvonne again she's great
20:46she covers a load of letters for me actually
20:50because she's on the real that one she's great
20:53she doesn't cover asexual at the end people who don't want to have sex but my wife sorts that one
20:57out so it's fine
21:05you learn a lot when you become a dad the breastfeeding and all that i remember the very
21:09first time ever experiencing it i was there with my wife she was trying to feed the baby it wasn't
21:13really working i didn't realize i thought it just would work all the time you know and god bless the
21:17nurses a nurse came into the room and grabbed my wife's breast and my son's head with the elegance
21:23of a builder you know like picking an extension lead out of a puddle i'll get it to work don't worry
21:31and now i kind of thrive on the awkwardness you know i love it like my my uh my wife's dad was
21:37coming to visit when we had the baby and um i could see by the walk on the man when he walked
21:42into the living room that he was going to go for a kiss with the baby and i also knew his daughter was
21:48feeding the baby so i could have stopped him
21:57but i was bored out of my mind you know i said ah this would be good and fair play to him he must
22:03have known when he got to there but he kept going all the way down it was so awkward and then he tried
22:08to make a joke about it which is something i wouldn't recommend to be quite honest with you
22:12because the joke he went for that evening right was uh uh leave some for me you greedy little
22:17shit you're the god lads yeah well you haven't seen him since you know he doesn't am i the only
22:25fucker that can see the obvious link between the decline of drinking alcohol and the rise of celibacy
22:31it's fucking obvious um siobhan and no i don't know how long you've been together
22:3724 years 24 years right we don't even need to check right unless you're muslim or a recovering
22:43addict no you were off your tits the first time you got it on with siobhan there is no one there is no
22:50there is no other way there is no there is sorry
22:56guaranteed well
23:05well we know well now now that's guaranteed then i know we don't even need to check noel do not
23:12confirm i know for a fact you wouldn't even be here tonight you never would
23:18were it not for alcohol you would not have been created there'd be an empty space there'd be no rose
23:24no i would have had to get to the point where i go i could see two of you can i smash one of you
23:28it would have been something like that wouldn't it it's bang on thank you that's it put your chips on
23:35my back now well that's it that's it i can feel the vinegar on my chinese tattoo
23:42thank you very much good evening
23:44ladies and gentlemen it's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time it's the parish quiz
24:00i also heard you're a lifeguard you're a qualified lifeguard yeah technically yeah but i can't swim
24:16right so you're a lifeguard you can't swim you're aware of what lifeguards do
24:19yeah yeah how who how did you qualify um i did a class in school with about 20 other people and i
24:27was the only one that failed and they felt bad so they passed me and i'll tell you one thing dean if
24:33i'm ever in the river please please just offer me a soup instead or something uh what are you
24:37up to yourself oh doing a bit of milk and doing a bit of nursing a bit of nursing a bit of nursing
24:43but i'm out yeah the two ends of it you know are you a nurse trying i mean i only dropped out once
24:52and i didn't drop out this past two years so i'm doing well now should get on to dean's teacher
24:57he'll let me pass it and who are you looking or who are you looking for who are you looking for
25:07pa colin he's a fellow up the road from me so right i'm looking there nearly five years so
25:12now we heard uh you had an interest in the other roles at charlie yourself
25:18what's this what's going on i know we love so we're only about 40 minutes odd from charlie at home
25:23so we go back every year so i recognized a few of the faces when i came in this evening and i know we
25:27love it yeah and how do you think caitlin is doing oh she's fab caitlin's a dote she has such a good
25:31guy great answer roster the answer
25:40do you have a favorite animal i do um snoopy the cow
25:46snoopy the cow now is snoopy the cow just your favorite or is it a pet or what oh it's a pet yeah
25:50no uh she as as a calf and a heifer she used to snoop into her pockets right see what she could
25:56find usually sweets or something you know something good so that's why she got the name snoopy
26:03the way i left your favor there's a lot of money in there there's none of that johnny
26:09and representing us is jake kiney holy jake
26:13well jake how are you getting on man right
26:15there you could stay home we'd see each other as well like kicking off with john in rossnery here's
26:30your question hi johnny congratulations on becoming the third johnny just to ask you who was the captain of
26:37the saint mary's adult team that won the junior b championship and here's his mother
26:52it's a mirage yeah
26:55the man asking the question is then right there
26:58and then the mother is there
26:59the woman in the video is your mother yeah okay so the answer to the question is
27:13my brother james lynch
27:19and the answer is james lynch
27:21my brother connor we're back to you let's have your next question
27:31well amy connor here i'm with the two fergals you're with the two johnny's
27:34one chronic last won the junior championship in 1976 against spania our question for you today is
27:42whose cows are those
27:46whose cows are they out the back of the ga field right it is
27:50own brodie's cows own brodie's cows yes right well let's find out if you're right
27:55and the answer is the brodie's
28:02hi we're starting with nerdy here we go here's your question hi
28:06jillian here from the shop can you tell us which local farmer sells us these potatoes
28:11no tie that's jillian from the shop no need for first names the shop i like how i like how you're
28:20all in nerdy too much hardship to name the shop it's just a shop uh who produces them spuds
28:27uh john burn john burn okay all right john burn is it let's find out if you're right
28:36and the answer is the burns
28:38okay let's go back to khalidi for your next question hi ashley margaret and mike here we're here in the
28:56shop in the shop and margaret has a question for you what year did my mother open the shop
29:07now that is khalidi's posh and becks margaret and white
29:11oh god what year did margaret's mother opened the shop oh like i think it's the 50s
29:17i'm between 53 or 54. go on give it a go 54. 1954. okay let's go back to dexter's laboratory and find out
29:27and the answer is 1953
29:40jake you ready just to go up now let's go to the premier county for our next question
29:47hi jake andy here with firma cool's two hounds but last thursday evening this hound here pepe
29:56had a big birthday party in palmuka your father was there with many others
30:01he had a cheesecake the lads had sponge cake but what age was pepe
30:07okay the question is the question is what age was pepe the dog last week
30:11last week i wasn't invited that was i didn't even get to collect the fatter that was
30:18uh that dog's fair old
30:2316. that's a fair age let's go back to andy and find out if you're right
30:29hi jake i hope you got it right or you'll be in trouble the next evening
30:32but mr pepe celebrated his 16th birthday
30:40it's a draw lads which means we need a tiebreaker right can we get davy russell give us a hand with
30:45this time record davy russell jump in here this this is a tough quiz
30:52that it is a tough quiz well you see you're not from those parishes
30:571953 and 1954 do you know what i mean okay lads so our question is davy russell champion jockey
31:06all his life had to be on top of his weight in order to race our question is now he's retired
31:11what weight is he
31:14do you have a way of skills no please no
31:16tiger nerney to the nearest kg what weight would you say davy he's laying the mutton down
31:26his hindquarters are have a good look at him now
31:29oh what would you put on him take
31:3888 kg
31:3988 kg
31:41what's that in all money
31:42you don't know i don't know what that is in all money yeah 88 kg
31:45ashley
31:45oh it's pure shot in the dark i'd say 85 kg
31:50okay she's meant for a little less than 85 well here's the moment the truth davy
31:55we're back in the way room oh i mean like with or without clothes
31:59we'll be back we'll be back after the break
32:03we'll live on the clothes
32:04oh just hop up in it she'll work away
32:05what's she yeah okay including the boots
32:1188 kg which means tiger's the winner
32:23now here is the moment of truth okay in one of these envelopes is an all-expenses
32:29paid trip to las vegas
32:33now also in there okay is a bag of spuds from the shop
32:41which envelope are you going to take what's it going to be in one of them is the trip to vegas
32:45and the others the bag of spuds we're going with this one you're going with that one closest
32:48okay tig open her up and let us know dead right bless yourself
32:52i'd be fingers crossed to you tig
32:54hold the rest of the camera what have you got what's it going to be a bag of spuds
32:56thank you for playing
33:00so
33:08free from desire
33:12Now ladies and gentlemen, you may not know this, we don't like to bring it up too often,
33:41but tip one the All-Ireland, and tonight in the bar is a very important guest, can I make my way down please if you don't mind ladies and gentlemen, sorry how are you, what's your name, you're not our guest, but thank you, I'm not you and the Kenny Jersey either lads, because if you don't mind right here behind you all, all evening has been, Dalim McArthur!
34:11Now, Tipperary were lucky enough to win it this year, but only 10 counties have ever won the hurling All-Ireland Championship, and had the chance to climb those hallowed steps and make the famous speech, so we thought we'd let some counties, who have never won the All-Ireland, some people here in the audience might like to lift it, like I see a whole mix of jerseys, where are you guys from?
34:35Baltimore, America. Baltimore have never won it? Right, say for example, is there anyone here from Tyrone?
34:44Okay, let's go, have a chance! This should go well, I think! Okay, who's from Tyrone?
34:55Tyrone have never won the Liam McCarty, have they? That's right, I know. Well would you like the chance now to lift a cup and make a speech?
35:02Jesus, I'd love it, eh. Okay, are you ready, so in your own time, ready?
35:06Oh, well.
35:12Who would you like to thank?
35:14Jesus, I'd like to thank my whole family, and all the good people at Trelican, especially my uncle Rodney Kelly, a big inspiration for me.
35:20No, this is, this is unbelievable. Never thought I'd left this thing in my life. Thanks very much.
35:29Give it up for Tyrone, everybody!
35:32Back to you, Johnny Smacks.
35:36Thank you, John. Now, as Johnny B said, only ten counties have won the Liam McCarty Cup. One of those counties have won it since 1998.
35:44I am, of course, talking about Offaly. Neil, do you remember the summer of 1998?
35:50Shut your face!
35:52Yes, it was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. First team to be knocked out and still win it, when it got in the back door.
35:57The way all Offaly people like to do it.
36:01That sounded weird when I was younger too.
36:05I'm from Rosgray, so right on the border. Yeah, occupied Offaly.
36:08Yeah. So, you know, I'm always kind of giving Offaly a ribbon, but I think it's time that, you know, we get the Liam McCarthy over, give it to an Offaly man.
36:16Oh, yes, please. I think it's only fair, would you like to see Neil Delamere lift the Liam McCarthy Cup?
36:21I don't know about this. For the bite of Offaly.
36:24Come on, what about Carlo? No, no, no.
36:29I don't know if I can do this, John. There's a good chance, there's a good chance I may not be able to show me face around Rosgrave for a while, but Neil Delamere, you've surely practiced this in the mirror as a young fella.
36:37No, I knew I was so shite, I didn't get anyone to hear it.
36:41I'd like to thank my uncle, Rodney Kelly.
36:46He moved down from Tyrone, and this is why we won. Can I do the speech I would make?
36:51Oh, lads, it's, listen, it's customary in this position, we want to say hip-hip-a-ray to the losing team.
36:58But it was Kilkenny, and you can't beat those fuckers by enough, so...
37:00Yeah, put it up, lift the ball, lift it up, lift it up.
37:11Yeah!
37:13Look at that!
37:15Oh, blue, it is a lovely colour, till it gets the second dip.
37:20That's the way with the outland's courting, you'll never know when he'll take a fit.
37:24Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
37:27Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
37:30Oh, madam, I have gold and silver, madam, I have tracks of land, madam, I have ships in the ocean, all I'm missing is a fine young man.
37:39Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
37:41Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
37:44Oh, going to the well for water, washing it around for to make some tea.
37:49He fell over, I fell under, all of the game was above the knee.
37:53Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
37:56Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
37:59Oh, madam, you can tie my garter, tie it up above my knee.
38:03If you want, you can tie it further.
38:06Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
38:08Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
38:10Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
38:13Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
38:16Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro.
38:19Yay!
38:21Highlander!
38:23So, you can match the personality of an animal to what kind of person they should be with.
38:30It's not die or relate again with animals, is it?
38:32It kind of is.
38:34We're back to leash.
38:36There's two Jack Russells.
38:37We're wondering if you could describe, we've got an animal here for you.
38:42Yeah, this is Goujon, who is a five-year-old golden retriever.
38:46I mean, what kind of person owns a Goujon?
38:49Well, the person who should own a golden retriever is someone that likes to walk and someone who's active.
38:53Because a lot of dogs are rehomed because people get a cockapoo and they live in a fucking flat in Dublin or something.
38:59So, I would think a quite active person that likes walking.
39:02Yeah. We've got another dog for you here.
39:04Yeah.
39:05This is Ted Hastings, who's a four-year-old golden doodle.
39:08Yeah.
39:09You know, what kind of a person owns him?
39:10Well, that would probably be an old lady or an elderly gay man.
39:16Great, we can tell you there are two dogs.
39:20Nailed it.
39:22Well, the question is, which Johnny owns which dog?
39:25Oh.
39:27Who's been doing more walking?
39:30It's impossible to tell, isn't it?
39:33Golden retriever.
39:35Yeah.
39:36That's my Goujon.
39:37Golden doodle, I am, of course.
39:38He's going to one, he's going to one.
39:40I am, of course, an elderly gay man.
39:45So, we have a series of pictures which show you at your absolute peak, so we thought we'd play a game.
39:51Are you up for this?
39:52Yeah.
39:53OK, it's called Game Face, where you have to tell us which event you are participating in, just going from your facial expressions.
39:59Let's have a look at your first picture.
40:03It has to be long jump, because I always pull the worst faces to a long jump, surely.
40:07You reckon it's long jump?
40:08If I do that in any other event, that's really embarrassing.
40:11Let's find out if it is long jump.
40:15Yay!
40:18Always the worst photos.
40:19Always.
40:21Let's have a look at another photo, OK?
40:23Now.
40:25I know it instantly.
40:26Could have been a really big curry.
40:27What do you reckon, Kate?
40:28Has to be the shot put.
40:29The shot put.
40:30Has to be.
40:31This is me trying to do maths.
40:32Has to be.
40:33Right, let's find out if it is the shot put.
40:34It is.
40:35Yay!
40:36Let's have one more, let's have a look.
40:37OK.
40:38Um, I know it again.
40:39It's long jump.
40:40Has to be, like...
40:41OK, let's have a look.
40:42Is it the long jump?
40:43Has to be.
40:44It is you long jumping over the lift.
40:45So, we're going to show you some pictures.
40:46This is the view you would have had when you were riding these horses winning races.
40:51Did I?
40:52Are these horses that I rode?
40:53Yes.
40:54OK.
40:55So, let's have a look at horse number one.
40:56No way.
40:57No way.
40:58No way.
40:59No way.
41:00No way.
41:01No way.
41:02No way.
41:03No way.
41:04No way.
41:05No way.
41:06No way.
41:07No way.
41:08No way.
41:09No way.
41:10No way.
41:11No way.
41:12No way.
41:13No way.
41:14No way.
41:15No way.
41:16No way.
41:17I didn't ride that horse.
41:18It's got a double bridle on.
41:19No way.
41:20So...
41:21You did?
41:22That's one of yours.
41:23That's one of yours.
41:24That's one of yours.
41:25Yeah.
41:26There's no denying it now.
41:27I know they don't all look the same when you see the photos.
41:32That's one of yours.
41:34They don't all look the same from behind, Davy.
41:37Right, Jaden.
41:38Look.
41:39You rode this horse.
41:40Who is it?
41:41Sam Crow.
41:42It's Max.
41:43Well, Davy, let's find out if you're right.
41:45It is Sam Crow.
41:46Yay!
41:47That's amazing.
41:48That's amazing.
41:49OK, we've got another one.
41:50Yeah, yeah, we've got another one.
41:51OK, Davy, here's a look at horse number two.
41:54Now, that is, that is, I would say a harder one.
42:00Very hairy.
42:01Very hairy.
42:02No, I...
42:03No, you did.
42:04They're all horses.
42:05They're all horses you rode.
42:06Right.
42:07I don't know that horse, no.
42:08Take a guess.
42:09If it's field or...
42:10It's not Irish Point.
42:11Oh, good horse.
42:12Yeah.
42:13Yeah.
42:14It was my last winner.
42:15Yeah, your last winner.
42:16Yeah, it was my last winner.
42:17Yeah, good horse him.
42:18OK.
42:19Let's have a look at one more.
42:20Let's have a look at one more horse.
42:21Ah, the man himself, is it?
42:23What are you saying, what are you saying?
42:24Is that the tiger?
42:26It is Tiger Road.
42:27Yay!
42:28What is he?
42:29Good horse.
42:30He's a good horse.
42:31Good horse.
42:32Good horse.
42:33Good horse.
42:34Good horse.
42:35Good horse.
42:36Good horse.
42:37OK.
42:38If you're mad him still gives out about your fashion choices from time to time, I mean,
42:52I mean is it fair to say she's trolling you a bit when I'm she is my ultimate troll
42:56I had to ban her from texting me when I'm live on television because it was
43:01Oh state of your hair jeez it's been heavy with the makeup a bit heavy with the makeup this morning
43:06Do you think that that do you think that shirt is right? Oh my god, are you pregnant?
43:09Did you forget to tell me?
43:12In the middle of the show in the middle of like it will start at 7 and it will not stop until 10
43:16So I had to ban her we have some of the messages that your mam has sent you
43:19No
43:23The hair is it the hair is a big page can't see your face with your hair yeah
43:27So this is in the middle of the show you might check your phone 7 40 in the morning 20 to 8
43:31I've been on air for 40 minutes. We have another one here hair lovely but you're very pale
43:39It's not the time Mary we're living in different times
43:41Mary's on fire 8 19 we've got another one here hate that blouse mirror bin bin
43:49And I think this is my personal favorite love your jumper tv3 keep showing your space
43:57We've wondered like what it's like to get hit by a professional boxer yeah, and thankfully johnny b has said he's willing
44:03To get hit by a professional boxer so we
44:11So I mean he's poop would you this one's not that potted good good good
44:18It is it is a bit give it to me fucking give it to
44:22You sound like that yeah
44:24It's all right
44:40Do you want more you hit me with your bad hand
44:42I appreciate that
44:58Well, it's only a time for tonight lads
45:00Back in the house for the two johnny's late night lockers season finale
45:08Yeah, yeah, fuck you, yeah
45:13She was excellent, thank you to maniacs
45:18All right
45:21Let's do this
45:21Let's do this
45:28She walked across to them to their lunch was dressed and killed
45:32She was a sexy lady, she had to get her thrill
45:35How did she get him, how did she know
45:37With all the music and the beat in the temple
45:38She was wrong for that life
45:40She was sick for the fight
45:41She said greetings
45:43All the time with a new chair
45:44All the time with a mic in the left hand
45:46It's me, I won't find the preaching
45:47Are you ready now, let me see where it's now
45:49Life, it has no meaning
45:51Are you ready now, move to the madness
45:52I'm calling back to you
45:54We bring this group to you
45:58Are you ready now, move to the groove
46:01Put your hands up in the air
46:02Come up, come up
46:03One super question I ask you
46:06Are you ready?
46:15All right
46:16I'll take a single person in the house
46:18Come on
46:19Let's hear you see
46:20She's a maniac
46:22She's a maniac
46:24Maniac on the floor
46:27And she's dancing
46:29And she's dancing like she ever did before
46:34Why do you run the two johnnies dance floor?
46:36She's a maniac
46:37Maniac on the floor
46:40Sing it
46:41And she's dancing
46:42And she's dancing like she never did before
46:47Audience, who needs a patient time?
46:49She said put your hands in the air
46:53Side to side like you just don't care
46:56Everybody in the house on a party night
46:58Scream all back to me
47:00I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the
47:02Fight, fight, fight
47:03She's a maniac
47:05The maniac on the floor
47:08And she's dancing
47:10And she's dancing like she never did before
47:14The Grand Sly
47:16A huge thank you to everyone here in Swan's Bar tonight
47:25And thank you to all of our guests throughout the series
47:27And thank you at home for watching
47:29Now for a very special performance from Dan McCabe playing Grace
47:32We'll see you soon
47:34Bye bye bye bye
47:35Bye bye
48:05Bye bye
48:07Bye bye
48:09Bye bye
48:09Bye bye
48:09Bye bye
48:10Bye bye
48:11Bye bye
48:11Bye bye
48:13Bye bye
48:13Bye bye
48:17Bye bye
48:18Bye bye
48:18Oh gracious to all
48:19In your arms
48:21And let
48:22This moment
48:23To linger
48:24You'll take me out
48:27The dawn
48:29And I will do
48:31With all my love, I place this wedding ring upon your finger
48:41There won't be time to share and love for me the same
48:53Oh, gracious, hold me in your arms
48:58I haven't left this moment to linger
49:01They'll take me out of the dawn and I will die
49:08With all my love, I place this wedding ring upon your finger
49:18There won't be time to share and love for me the same way
49:27There won't be time to share and love for me the same way
49:43There won't be time to share and love for me the same for you all
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